Chapter 15

Granger stared down at him and Severus felt as if he might spew his breakfast. He certainly hoped he wouldn't. It had been embarrassing enough doing that in front of Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall. Doing it in front of Granger would be even worse.

"What is that you need to tell me, Severus?" Granger asked gently.

Severus clenched his fists and stared fixedly at his shoes. What if she hated him after he told her like everyone else did? She had been kind to him like Lily had and now he'd ruined it just like he had evidently ruined it with Lily. Severus glanced up and saw Granger gnawing on her bottom lip.

"I got a letter," Severus said slowly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the crumpled parchment. He opened his mouth, but again no words came out.

"Can I see it?" Granger asked tentatively after a moment of heavy silence.

Severus nodded and Granger took the parchment from his extended palm. He watched her as she began to read. He felt as if his heart might leap out of his chest.

Granger's grip tightened on the parchment and she grew paler. Severus paled with her. She scoffed slightly and then looked up.

"I know it is bad," Severus whispered.

"How?" Granger demanded.

"It just appeared almost like magic," Severus replied coolly trying to regain his composure.

"That doesn't make any sense," Granger retorted her eyebrows furrowing.

"I've seen magic do more impressive feats. Haven't you, Granger?"

"But the wards," she protested.

"I'm as clueless as you are. I don't know how Lucius did it."

"Lucius?" Granger questioned accusatively.

Severus groaned internally perhaps he shouldn't have called Lucius by his first name, but it was reflex. He needed the right words to calm her worry.

"Lucius is… Or was... Or maybe never was... My friend, but I know what he is now. He's not writing to me as a friend. He's writing to me as a servant of the Dark Lord. I may not remember my adult life, but I know that the Dark Lord is a monster and is not a master that you want to serve."

"So, you don't trust Malfoy?" Granger asked, sounding somewhat relieved.

"Of course not. Lucius has been kind to me, but I'm not stupid enough to think he didn't have his own agenda," Severus replied not hiding the bitterness in his voice.

Granger flinched and Severus wondered why.

"Well thank you for telling me this, Severus. I know it was difficult," Granger said kindly.

"You're welcome," he replied stiffly.

"When did you get it?"

Severus froze. He had known this question would come, but it didn't make it any easier to further upset the bushy haired Gryffindor who has much as he detested to admit it was rather pleasant to work with in the potions lab.

"Remember the day in the lab with Potter?" Severus began.

"That long?" Granger gasped.

Severus nodded guiltily as his stomach clenched.

"That was very irresponsible of you, Severus," Granger lectured.

"After Diagon Alley I wasn't sure how it would be taken," Severus snapped back defensively. Even though he was royally screwed, Severus knew telling the Order about the letter originally wouldn't have gone swimmingly either. He was a snake in their lion's den, and they didn't trust or like him.

"Understandable enough, so what changed your mind then?"

"The twins found it… I must have dropped it…. I'm going to tell the Order tonight. I just wanted to tell you first. I thought if you believed me that maybe they'd be more likely to believe me too. I know I messed up, but please believe me I don't support the Dark Lord. I don't want to be "rescued". Lucius Malfoy is something to me, but he's not a true friend of mine."

A heavy silence hung over the two for what felt like an entirety to Severus.

"I believe you, Severus," she said finally, and Severus let out a quiet sigh of relief.

"Thank you."

"It'll be okay," Granger said, giving him a small smile.

"If you say so, Granger, because I think Black and Moody are going to kill me and then the headmaster will raise me from the dead and try to dig through my mind," Severus replied only slightly jokingly.

Granger's eyes narrowed.

"I can't promise you tonight won't be bad, but no one's going to hurt you, Severus. And I'll be there if you'd like."

"That would be appreciated," Severus said stiffly, not wanting to appear weak. "You may go back to your friends now if you wish."

"Do you need any brewing assistance?"

"I can manage on my own."

"I don't mind," the girl said moving over to one of the tables and picking up a knife.

Severus's palms were still sweaty, and he wished the evening would never come and be over at the same time, but at least Granger was still willing to work with him. Ugh, what was wrong with him? Was he really that pathetic? Granger was a Gryffindor and she had real friends. She either wanted to use him or just pitied him. Severus wasn't sure which was worse.

HPHPHPHP

Hermione cast a glance at the small dark-haired boy who was neatly dicing dragon liver. She was furious that he had kept this to himself for so long and who only told her because he'd been caught. The day in the potions lab with Harry did make sense now. No wonder he was so distracted. She just wished he'd told her. She was glad that it had been the twins and not someone like Sirius who'd found the letter. She shuddered at the thought. She could understand his apprehension. It sickened her that her own people would treat a child in the way they did after the Diagon Alley incident. Still it had been very irresponsible of Severus to not tell anyone about the letter and then to hold on to it. It bothered her a bit that he had kept it. Maybe he had been considering responding. Hermione shook her head. Severus wouldn't. He didn't trust Malfoy and didn't want to join You-Know-Who. All the days in the potion's lab told her to trust him, but a voice in the back of her mind nagged at her. He was a Slytherin after all, and he had joined the Death Eaters before defecting, so maybe she was wrong to trust him. Who really knew his allegiances at this age? On the other hand, she had never seen Severus so uncollected before… so vulnerable. She had to believe him. He needed her to.

The hours slipped by as the two worked.

"The others will be arriving soon. We should go down," Hermione said.

Severus nodded his face steely.

"We'll be having dinner after the meeting dears," Ms. Weasley said, catching sight of them.

"Actually, there's something we need to discuss with the Order," Hermione said.

Harry, Ron, and Ginny glanced up from their game of exploding snap and Ms. Weasley pursed her lips. Before she could say anything Professor Dumbledore waltzed into the dining room.

"Good evening everyone. Is something the matter?" the headmaster asked.

"There's a matter that we need to discuss with the Order," Hermione said quickly.

"Potions related," Professor Dumbledore asked.

"Not really," Hermione said, glancing at Severus.

Professor Dumbledore nodded, his blue eyes dimming a bit.

"If they're going to the meeting we should be allowed to go too," Harry said leaping up.

"I'm sorry Harry, my boy."

"Come on, Professor, if you're going to let Snivellus in, how can we not let Harry join? He has a right to know what's going on," Sirius said, joining the conversation.

Hermione noticed Severus tensing besides her, but Severus didn't say anything.

After a bit of back and forth it was eventually agreed upon that everyone could join for the beginning portion and then those who were underage would be sent out.

"Good evening everyone. Now for our first order of business I believe Ms. Granger and Severus have something to discuss." Professor Dumbledore said.

"Would you Severus?" Hermione said nervously.

"I received a letter," Severus began calmly.

"How? What are you playing at, Snivellus," Sirius growled, and Hermione wanted to tell him to shut his mouth for once.

"Would you let me finish, Black," Severus sneered.

"Sirius, Severus that's enough. Severus please continue," Professor McGonagall said.

"As I was saying I received a letter. This letter was from Lucius Malfoy."

Severus held his head up high. A deadly silence hung over the room and then it erupted.