HEARTSTRINGS::Jitu/Ayushmann
"Matlab?" (What do you mean?)
"Oh come on, don't give me that look. You know what I am talking about." She laughs but the clueless look on his face makes her re-think this again.
"Tum abhi Jitu se baat kar rahe thay na?" She asks calmly. Ayushmann nods curiously. (You were talking to Jitu just now, weren't you?)
"Tumhe kaise pata?" Tahira doesn't know whether to laugh or cry; the irony of this situation is not lost on her. Rubbing her forehead she sighs. (How do you know?)
"Kya baat hai, Tahira? You are scaring me." (What's the matter, Tahira? You are scaring me.)
"I'm scaring you? Really? You are scaring me, Ayushmann." Her outburst alarms him, he shifts closer to her. She looks at him, really looks at him not knowing where to begin or how to begin.
"Main jaanti hon." (I know everything.)
"Kya jaanti ho?" Okay, so clearly this approach will not get her anywhere anytime soon. For the first time Tahira is unable to decide whether Ayushmann is really playing dumb or he really is clueless. She decides to start from the start, it might be easier. (What do you know?)
"Jitu tumhare liye bohut special hai. Haina?" (Jitu is very special for you, right?)
"Haan. Of course, woh bohut special hai. Mera dost hai. Sabse acha dost." (Yes. Of course, he is very special. He is my friend. My best friend.)
"Itni jaldi woh sabse acha dost kaise ban gaya, Ayushmann?" He opens his mouth to reply but his brain goes blank, searching for an answer he looks at her who is looking at with expressions screaming 'I can't believe this is happening'. (How come he became your best friend in such short period of time?)
"Matlab? Jitu ke saath aik... aik..." (Meaning? What I have with Jitu is... is...)
"Chemistry hai, haina?" (Chemistry, right?)
"Come on yaar, tum bhi jaanti hon ke aisi chemistry bohut kam logon ke saath hoti hai. Jitu... he... he gets me, you know." She smiles sadly at him. (Come on, yaar, you know that chemistry like this you find rarely with people. Jitu... he... he gets me, you know.)
"Yehi baat pehle tum kabhi mere baare mein kehte thay." (You used to say same thing about me.)
"Tum yeh kya keh rahi ho, Tahira?" (What are you talking about, Tahira?)
"You really have no clue, right?"
"Meri kuch samajh nahi araha ke tum achanak yeh kya keh rahi ho." (I have no idea what are you are on about all of sudden.)
"Oh really? Chalo, aaj ki hi baat karte hain. Aaj poora din tum bilkul khamosh thay, mere paas hokar bhi mere paas nahi thay. Aise lag raha hai ke apna aap wahin chodh aye, Jitu ke paas." This make Ayushmann freeze in his place, unable to think, unable to move. (Oh really? Let's talk about today. Whole day today you have been so quiet, you were with me but nowhere with me. It felt like you left yourself there, with Jitu.)
"Aur yeh abhi ehsaas howa jab tumhara chehra dekha usay baat karte howe. Jab bhi Jitu se baat karte ho toh tumhari aankhon mein aik alag chamak hoti hai." (And I came to this realisation now when I saw your face when you were talking to him. Whenever you talk to Jitu, you have a sparkle in your eyes.)
"Yeh sab..." (All this...)
"Yeh sab kya? Bolo." But he is unable to form a proper thought, his mind is all over the place, he looks away from Tahira. (All this what? Tell me.)
"You have strong feelings for Jitu, Ayushmann." She decides to rip the band aid off, it might make it easier.
"What the hell, Tahira. Tum aisa... kaise... aisa kuch nahi hai." (What the hell, Tahira. Whatever... you... are thinking it's nothing like that.)
"Kisse jhoot bol rahe ho? Mujhse? Khud se?" (Who are you lying to? Me? Yourself?)
"Damn it, Tahira. I'm not cheating on you." He wants to scream at how she could even think like this about him.
"I know, baby you are not cheating on me. But you are cheating on yourself by denying what's right in front of you." How the hell she can be so calm while telling him he has feelings for someone else.
"Main shuru se hi jaanti thi, sab dekh rahi thi wait kar rahi thi tum akar mujhse khud kahoge. Main wait karti rehi aur tumhe bar bar Jitu ke paas dekhti rahi. Uske saath jab bhi hote toh duniya hi bhool jana, bilkul aise hi hojate ho tum." He listens to her silently not knowing what to say, the guilt flows through his body again.
(I have known since the beginning, I was watching everything but was just waiting for you to come and talk to me. I kept waiting and watching you go back to Jitu every time. Whenever you are with him you forget about rest of the world.)
"Main shikayat nahi kar rahi bata rahi hon. Ab tak soch rahi thi ke tum baat kyun nahi kar rahe mujhe kya pata tha ke tum khud hi ajaan ho apne jazbaat se." (i am not complaining but telling you the truth. I kept thinking till now why weren't you talking to me, I didn't know that you were unknown to your own feelings.)
"Tum ghalat samajh rahi ho." He pleads her. (You are misunderstanding this.)
"Tum khudko samajhne nahi de rahe ke tumhare andar kya chal raha hai, par mujhe tumhe tumse zayada ache se jaanti hon, tumhare dil ka haal tumse behtar jaanti hon. Jis din se tum dono ko pehli baar saath mein dekha tha mujhe ehsaas tha ke woh tumhare liye kitna special hoga. Uska dard tumhe taqleef deta hai, uski hansi tumhe pagalon ki tarhan khush kar deti hai, usay chah kar bhi dorr nahi raha jata na?"
(You are not letting yourself understand what is going on within you, but I know you better than yourself, know matter of your hearts better than you. When I saw you both together for first time I had a feeling that he will be someone very special in your life. His pain causes you pain, his smile drives you insanely happy, you try but you can't stay away from him.)
She watches him process her words eyes going back and fourth and she can see him slipping from her once again as Jitu's memories flash through his eyes one by one.
"Tahira, I love you." He desperately tries to convince her.
"I know." She replies back with a sad smile.
"But you are also falling for him and I know that. I can see that." Her heart breaks as she says that and tears fall from his eyes as he opens his mouth to deny with everything in him but no sounds come out. No words. No denial. Nothing.
"Kyun kar rahi ho tum aisa? Kyun bata rahi ho mujhe yeh sab? We could have lived without..." (Why are you doing this? Why are you telling me all this? We could have lived without...)
"Aise nahi hota hai na, Ayushmann. Jab indar ka barhta toofan bahar anay lage toh chah kar bhi usay ruk nahi sakte." There is odd, heavy silence between them, tears and heartbreaks. (It doesn't work like that, Ayushmann. When the growing storm within you starts coming to life you are unable to stop it.)
"It's just an infatuation, Tahira. It'll go away." His words do not match with his expressions.
"Meri aankhon mein dekho aur yehi baat phirse kaho." He looks at her but is unable to say anything, his heart feels so heavy, his breathing gets difficult it feels as if someone put tons of weight on his chest and asking him to breath. Jitu's face keep flashing through his mind. Closing his eyes he tries to banish Jitu out of mind, his heart but all he can see and hear is Jitu, his breakdown on phone, their last night, this morning. He is back in Jitu's apartment, in bed with Jitu sleeping peacefully on his chest, looking at him at peace warms his heart. (Look me in the eye and tell me this.)
"Dekha na... aur ab bhi kahoge ke sirf infatuation hai?" He is brought out of his memories into harsh reality, opening his eyes he looks at Tahira in shock and guilt. (See... you will still say it's just an infatuation?)
"Main usay bhoola donga, yeh sab... bas waqt'ti hai. It's always you, Tahira." The fear of losing her, his home, family all comes crashing down on him and Ayushmann feels he is being being forcefully held under water struggling to breath. Seeing this, Tahira holds him tightly in her arms, he collapses in her arms as he silently cries. (I will forget about him, all this... it will fade. It's always you, Tahira.)
"I am so sorry, Tahira. I am so sorry." He keeps repeating 'sorry' and 'main bhool jaonga' between her sobs, causing Tahira to cry with him, for him. She knows this isn't the end but a beginning. This is not what she was expecting when she decided to confront Ayushmann; she did not expected him to be living in his denial so much that he is unable to see the truth. She doesn't know where they will go from here but she knows that things are about to get very hard and painful.
She looks at broken Ayushmann, clinging onto her like an afraid child. She knows this conversation isn't over yet but she is going to let Ayushmann pull himself together and face the truth before they have another conversation.
