I felt like writing some really hardcore angsty shit...so here you go. Don't blame me if your hearts get broken, but enjoy it all the same!
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
The rain sounded like bullets as it beat against the glass of the window. Kirishima's room was cold, but he couldn't bring himself to move to the bed for his blanket. He was sitting on the floor with his back pressed up against the wall, staring down at his phone and scrolling through his photo gallery. Each picture of all those fun, happy memories hit him like a punch to the gut. The sound of the rain seemed to be drilling itself into his skull.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
There was a soft knock at the door, but Kirishima didn't even blink. He kept scrolling, coming across a photo he took just a few weeks ago on his and Bakugo's favorite hiking trail. Something wet and warm trailed its way down his face, but his arm felt much too heavy to raise and wipe away the tear.
"Kiri?" A soft, slightly muffled voice followed the knock. "Kiri, are you in there?"
Kirishima remained silent. It sounded like Mina, but he couldn't be entirely sure. So many people had tried talking to him after everything that had happened, but he didn't feel like talking to any of them.
"Kiri..." The voice trailed off into what Kirishima thought was a sigh. There was a soft this as whoever was outside his door sat down with their back to it. "You have to eat something. Please."
Silence. The phone in Kirishima's hand buzzed to let him know that the battery was low, but the charger was all the way across the room. He couldn't bring himself to get it, so he turned it off and set it aside before lying down on the cold floor and facing the ceiling.
"Kiri?" A few more seconds passed before there was another soft sigh. "Look...everybody's worried about you. The others made miso soup for dinner, and I brought you a bowl. Please eat it, even if it's just a little bit." He heard whoever it was get up and walk away, and let out a sigh, covering his eyes with his arm.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.It wasn't supposed to be you.It should've been me.I was the one who should've died.
*five days earlier*
"Bakugo! Isn't this amazing? We get to go on a real mission!" Kirishima was practically bouncing up and down in his seat with excitement. Seated next to him, the ash blond boy smirked.
"Hell yeah, it is! We're gonna crush those damn villains flat! They ain't gonna know what hit em!"
Kirishima grinned. "I still can't believe Fatgum actually recommended us for this job. It totally feels like a dream."
Bakugo nodded. "But it's not. We're going out there and arresting those villains. This will be a good chance for us to show the public what we can really do before we graduate in a few months."
"You're right." Kirishima leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek, giggling when his face heated up. Bakugo had never been a fan of PDA.
"O-Oi!" He turned towards the window with a scowl and his arms crossed. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, doing that shit on a public bus?"
Kirishima laughed. "I just can't help myself, Katsuki! I'm so excited!"
He turned around to show Kirishima a tiny smirk. "I know. This is gonna be fucking awesome, Eijiro. Just you wait."
They arrived at their destination, the police station, only a few minutes later. There, they changed into their hero costumes before meeting with the police officer in charge of keeping tabs on the villains they'd been sent to deal with that day.
"So you two are the heroes sent by the Fatgum agency?" He asked with a cheerful smile.
"Yes, sir!" Kirishima gave the officer a salute. "I am Red Riot!"
"And I'm Ground Zero. Now, what can you tell us about these villains?"
"Well, it's not a group, it's a pair. A male and a female villain, both of them between 20 and 25 years old. They're not considered extremely dangerous, but you should keep your guards up nonetheless because they've proved themselves to be extremely crafty. Be careful."
"We will be, sir! We promise to bring these villains to justice!" Kirishima grinned and gave the officer a big thumbs up. The officer returned his smile, nodded, and handed both boys a piece of paper.
"Glad to hear it. There's the information on where those two spend their days. You should be able to find them there, and you'll also have a few of our other officers there in case of an emergency."
"Guess we should get going." Bakugo grinned and reached over to squeeze Kirishima's hand. "You ready?"
He smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Let's go."
The two boys met up with the officers accompanying them to the villains' place in the lobby and together they all made their way there. If was a rundown building that looked almost like a garage near the edge of town, so it was very secluded. When they arrived, Bakugo and Kirishima approached the door together. Despite the police officers' presence, they were the ones in charge of the operation, so they took the lead.
Kirishima pressed his ear to the door. "I can hear some people." He whispered to Bakugo. "Sounds like...two. Do you think it's them?"
"Who the fuck else would it be?" Bakugo whispered back. "I say we blast the door off its hinges and take em down before they even realize what's happening."
"Good thinking. If we knock, they'll just run." Kirishima backed away from the door and used his Quirk to garden his arms. At the same time, sparks began erupting my Bakugo's palms. Both boys unleashed their Quirks on the door.
Immediately, Bakugo went for the male villain while Kirishima went for the female. Both of the villains seemed to be in shock, which was a good thing for the heroes since it allowed them to easily surprise and apprehend both of them. Kirishima held the female villain on her feet with both of her arms behind her back while Bakugo wrestled the male to the ground and practically sat himself on top of him, grinning triumphantly.
"Searching for weapons..." Kirishima said to himself, proceeding to Pat down the female's clothes in search of any sort of weapon. He found a pocketknife in her jeans, so he quickly tossed it aside and turned to see how Bakugo was faring. He was still busy searching for weapons, patting down the man's pockets. Kirishima looked away towards the open door, giving Bakugo a single nod to communicate that he was taking the female partner to the police officers' waiting outside. He had barely even turned around before he heard the unmistakable sound of a gunshot. Panicked, he shoved the female villain towards the police officers and spun around only to find a scene from one of his worst nightmares.
The male villain was gone, but Bakugo was lying face down on the floor, a pool of blood beneath him and slowly getting bigger and bigger. "Katsuki!" Kirishima's voice cracked, and he rushed to the blond's side. He turned him over and immediately tore off a bit of his costume to try and stop the bleeding.
He had been shot right in the middle of his chest, in the heart, and logically Kirishima knew there was most likely nothing that could be done. The bleeding wasn't stopping, and Bakugo didn't even seem to be conscious. "Katsuki!" Kirishima barely even realized he was crying until droplets of water began dripping down his face. "Katsuki! Stay with me, please! We'll get help! Just please stay with me!"
"Ei..." The nickname was rough as it came through his lips, eyes fluttering and fighting to look up at him. "He...surprised me,"
"No! Katsuki! You can't die! What about becoming the Number One hero? You can't do that if you're dead! Katsuki!"
"Ei...I love you. This isn't your...fault...okay?"
"Katsuki!" Kirishima panicked as Bakugo's eyes fluttered closed. His hands clasped themselves around his biceps and he lowered his ear to his chest, frantically searching for a heartbeat that wasn't there. "No...no no no no no! Katsuki! Katsuki, please!"
He was sobbing now, completely unaware of the officer standing behind him. He wrapped his arms around Bakugo's lifeless torso and cried into his shoulder, trying desperately to wake himself up because surely this was just a horrible, horrible nightmare. Bakugo wasn't dead, he wasn't dead, that was ridiculous. How could Katsuki Bakugo, one of UA's renowned Big Three and promising future hero, be dead? It didn't make sense, none of it made sense. It was'nt fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't...
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
*three days later*
Gentle, classical music played from the overhead speakers while Kirishima stared blankly at the arrangements of flowers and gifts. Standing upright on a table surrounded by all the decorations was a framed photograph of Bakugo. It was his student ID photo from the start of their third year at UA. It was one of the only pictures where Bakugo could be seen wearing the tie to his uniform.
Kirishima wanted the music to stop. There was no way this was what Bakugo would have wanted. This gentle music didn't suit him at all. But he couldn't make himself get up from his spot kneeling on the floor in front of his picture to ask someone to turn it off. The smell of burning candles made him feel like his nostrils were burning. He wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare.
There was a gentle hand on his shoulder, but he didn't look up at Mina in her simple black dress. She knelt down beside him, looking first at his face and then to Bakugo's picture. "Kiri..." She began. "It's getting dark outside. We should get back to the dorms. You need to rest."
Kirishima sniffed and shook his head. "I-I'm going to stay a little bit longer. You guys go ahead."
Mina didn't move. "Kiri..."
"Seriously, Mina!" Kirishima snapped, turning to face her. "I said you guys should go, so just...go. I just want to be by myself, okay?"
It was clear that she didn't want to, but she sighed and stood up. "If you're not back before eight, I'll have to tell Mr Aizawa and have him come get you."
"Right," Kirishima agreed, listening to the sound of her footsteps fading as she left. When he was sure she was gone, he turned his attention back to Bakugo's picture. Slowly, he forced himself to stand up and approached the shrine, lightly brushing his fingers over the top of the frame.
"Bakugo..." He swallowed back the lump in his throat. "I...I miss you. A lot. Everybody does, not just me. You were such an important part of our class, it's...it doesn't feel right without you there yelling at us all the time. Some of the first years, they...they asked me what happened. I told them you died a hero, and they..." He choked back a sob. "They said...they wanted to be as great of a hero as you were. Isn't that amazing, Katuski? We're not even graduated yet, and...people are already looking up to us. I...I..." He wanted to say something more, anything more, anything to express his feelings, but the words wouldn't come to him.
He fell back to his knees and laid his forehead on the shrine table, his tears soaking into the tablecloth. Hours passed and he didn't move until finally he exhausted himself and ended up falling asleep right there beside the picture of his dead boyfriend. Thirty minutes later, a man with hunched shoulders and long messy black hair arrived to wake him up and take him back to the dorms. When he got back to Heights Alliance, Aizawa escorted him up to his room and made sure he was safely in bed before taking his leave, and Kirishima cried himself to sleep all over again.
*present day*
Kirishima moved his arm away from his eyes and took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling, memorizing the tiles. He didn't want to look away from the ceiling, because every other part of his room would remind him of Bakugo. Bakugo was everywhere in his room. Some of his clothes were still haphazardly strewn around, and the blankets on Kirishima's bed still smelled slightly of caramel or burnt sugar; Bakugo's scent. It was the reason why he'd slept on the floor for the last few nights. The lingering scent gave him dreams of Bakugo, and he would wake up from those dreams only to return to the lifelong nightmare of Bakugo being dead.
And then there were the pictures on the walls. There were so many of them, all collected over the years they'd spent together at UA. He had pictures from their first year, pictures from training, pictures of them hanging out with Mina, Sero, and Kaminari. He also kept pictures from when they'd first started dating in their second year; their first date together, they'd gone to an arcade and used the photo booth to take pictures together. He had pictures of them at a party hosted by the school to celebrate the defeat of the League of Villains. Everywhere he turned, there was a memory of Bakugo. He wanted it all to go away. All of it was just so painful.
There was another knock at the door, this one more forceful. Kirishima again made no moves to get up and answer it, remaining motionless on the cold, hard floor. He half expected the person to leave, but instead the knock came again, even louder this time around.
"Kirishima!" It sounded like Midoriya, and he sounded upset. Although Kirishima supposed that was to be expected; Bakugo and he had been friends since they were little kids, after all. He probably felt just as horrible as Kirishima himself did.
"Kirishima, it's me, Midoriya! Can I please come in?" He sounded like he was holding back tears.
Kirishima shifted his gaze to the side just in time to see his door being pushed open to reveal Izuku Midoriya standing there, holding two bowls of steaming soup in his hands. His usually happy, sparkling eyes were rimmed in red from tears, and he looked somehow even more messy than usual. He entered the room, closing the door with his foot and taking a seat across from Kirishima on the floor.
He didn't say anything. He just set the bowl of soup down next to him and made himself comfortable. Several minutes passed before a single word was said between them, and it was Midoriya who broke the silence first. "Yayourozu was the one who cooked." He said, his voice low and hoarse. "Ochaco came and gave me mine, then she said Mina was bringing you some too. I decided to come sit with you while we eat."
"Thanks," Kirishima mumbled, his voice scratchy from lack of use. He forced himself to pick up the bowl with shaky hands. He figured if Midoriya was eating, he should try to as well. Besides, he didn't want Yayourozu to feel bad because he didn't eat her food, and he knew everybody was worried about his health. He brought the spoon to his lips and swallowed. It was good; he hadn't even realized how hungry he was until he tasted the food. He ended up eating all of it in just a few minutes. When all of it was gone, he set the empty bowl back on the floor and laid down again to stare at the ceiling.
Midoriya did the same, settling down on the floor beside him. "It's weird," He started after a little time had passed. "I used to hate when he'd yell at me to get better. Now...I miss it."
Kirishima nodded even though he knew Midoriya wasn't looking at him. "I know what you mean." He whispered. It felt wrong to raise his voice any louder than that. "I just want to hear him call me Shitty Hair one more time. Everything just...happened so fast."
"Do you..." Midoriya paused before propping himself up on his elbows to look at Kirishima directly. "Do you know what...he said last? His mom wanted to know, but I..."
Kirishima nodded. "He...He told me...that it wasn't my fault. What happened, I mean."
"Well...he was right." Kirishima turned his head to look at the green haired boy. He was crying, but trying not to show it too much. "It wasn't anybody's fault, Kirishima. Kacchan...he probably knew you'd blame yourself for what happened to him. He...He really loved you."
Kirishima nodded, trying and failing to hold back his tears. Before he knew it, he was hinting in on himself, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes as he gasped for breath. "Why...?" His voice cracked, and he could barely feel Midoriya's tears soaking into his clothes as he cried while hugging Kirishima. "Why did this have to happen? Why did Bakugo have to die? I just don't understand!"
"I know..." Midoriya's voice came out like a squeak. "I know how you feel, Kirishima. I know exactly how you feel."
*two months later*
"Kirishima, Eijiro!"
Kirishima's feet felt like lead weights as he walked up the few steps to the stage and shook hands with Principal Nezu. The effort it took to plaster a fake smile on his face as cameras flashed all around him nearly made him want to pass out, but he pushed through and went to take his place beside Kaminari. They were all lined up in order of their seating arrangements, so there were still ten more names left to call before all of Class A was on stage. Well...almost all of them.
Apparently having sensed his thoughts, Mina leaned forward so that he could see her and mouthed something to him. He couldn't quite make out what it was that she'd said, but he knew she must have said something reassuring, so he nodded and mouthed back a thank you. He forced himself to focus on the ceremony, watching as his classmates--and now, fellow pro heroes, joined them on stage to receive their diplomas and formal initiation to the society of heroes.
"Todoroki, Shoto!" The crowd went wild at the sound of Todoroki's name. It was no big surprise, really; Todoroki was very popular because of his looks, even if everybody knew he was dating Midoriya. Kirishima applauded along with the crowd as Nezu moved onto the last few remaining members of their class.
"Hagakure, Toru!" More applause as the invisible girl joined the line of graduates.
"Midoriya, Izuku!" Kirishima's stomach dropped as Bakugo's name wasn't mentioned. It shouldn't have come as a shock to him. Of course he wasn't being mentioned, why would he be? But it still felt so utterly, completely wrong to be doing this without him. He wasn't a part of their class anymore, he wasn't a part of anything anymore. It was all wrong.
"And lastly we have Yayourozu, Momo!" Yayourozu shook Nezu's paw and settled into the line with everybody else, smiling at the flashing lights of cameras. "We hope that everyone gather led here today will wish only the very best for these promising new heroes!"
"Thank you!" The class shouted in unison, and then the ceremony was over. As soon as the reporters and civilians started to leave, Kirishima let the facade fade. He rushed off of the stage and returned to his room, staring around at the empty room. It felt so lifeless with all his things packed away to leave. The only thing left was a framed picture lying face down on his nightstand.
He walked over and picked it up, slowly turning the frame over until he was faced with a picture that had been taken exactly six months prior, on a date he and Bakugo had been on to celebrate their one year anniversary. In the photo, Kirishima was smiling like a dork while Bakugo rolled his eyes, but he was smiling too, even if it was just a tiny smirk. It was a good memory, maybe even one of the best.
He didn't even realize he was crying until a drop of water landed on the picture. He sat down on the bare mattress and hugged the picture frame to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut tight. He didn't want to break down again. That wasn't what Bakugo would have wanted.
"Hey...Katsuki?" He whispered. "I...I did it. Did you see? I graduated. I'm officially a pro hero now. Do you know what that means? It means...I can carry on the things you taught me. I'll...I'll do my absolute best to become the kind of hero you would be proud to call your boyfriend. I promise. I'll make you proud. You...You just have to watch...okay?"
He pulled his knees up to his chest, still hugging the picture tight, and rested his forehead on his arms with a sigh. "You just have to watch me, Katsuki."
Okay! Hello, everybody. Is everyone good, do y'all want some tissues? Chocolate? Fluffy stuff to make up for this? Welp, not sure about the first two, but I'm up for the last one. Anyways, hope y'all aren't too mad about me breaking and shattering your souls like this. It's fun. Hehe...uh, well, let me know what other ships y'all would like to see. So...til next time! Bye!
