Love You Through It

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: SnowKing1701 PROMPT REQUEST - They get together early in the series and a health scare tests their love, but not separate them. We may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon. MAJOR CHARACTER ILLNESS, NO DEATH PROCEED WITH CAUTION, SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTER

Thanks for the Prompt SnowKing1701, I hope I do it justice.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Previously

"PICC is an acronym for a Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter, and it is, in essence, a long IV line. It is usually inserted in a smaller vein in the upper arm (peripheral) and terminates in a larger vein in the chest near the heart (central). "Catheter" is just another name for "tube" in the medical lexicon. If you haven't noticed yet, we tend to talk in code so people think we are smarter than we really are" she laughed,

Kate laughed and was immediately at ease with the young lady,

"OK Kate, I'm going to use this ultrasound machine, and if I need to take an X-ray, it's important we get the line in the right position so one, you can receive medication without it backing up into your arm muscle, quite painful, two, so we can draw blood without having to stick you every time, that's why I put these little tree branches with the sterile caps on, we call them lumens, again another word to make us sound smart.

"Dr. Gupta has order three lumens meaning she may want to infuse, a fancy word of saying you sit while an IV bag drips into your arm, two different medications at the same time, we see it all the time, so it's quite normal."

Kate hadn't realized but Fran the chatterbox had distracted her by her talking and the line was already in place. Fran started the ultrasound and infused some saline solution and tracked it's progress, finally muttering under her breath, "Perfect, couldn't have asked for better.

************************************************************************************/

Chapter 16

Mt Sini Hospital

New York

One Week Later

Rick sat in his chair as his wife was in the bathroom with Marlene holding her hair back, the sounds coming were becoming all too familiar to him, and he once again felt worthless as 'ah eeeeghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh', then silence then repeated again and again for almost ten minutes. Marlene changed her gown, helped her wash up with the Sani-pack washcloths, the hospital furnished for patients unable to take a shower or bath.

She walked slowly back to the bed, with the rail closest to the bathroom now down, Rick and Marlene assisted her back into bed, as she looked so pale and weak. Her eyes were sunk in her head almost as if she hadn't slept in weeks, well to be honest an hour or two naps didn't really count as sleep. She had Chemo for three days, and with each new infusion became more and more ill, if it wasn't killing cancer, it sure as hell was trying to kill her, she thought

Dr. Gupta decided to reduce her treatments to one long, and one short day, after taking a week off to allow for radiation therapy. Rick had discovered after being yelled at several times, not to mention food in front of her, it only brought on another gagging if not throw up session. Dr. Gupta increased the dosage of the anti-nausea medication and switched it from oral, to injected since she was afraid most of the drug was being lost during Kate's bouts with the toilet and throw up sessions.

The change seemed to help immensely, and she was finally able to tolerate the coffee-flavored milkshakes Rick had special ordered and kept in the freezer to make on-demand. The man bought an ice cream machine that made soft serve for her shakes, just to be sure she had something to eat, God if she hadn't felt so bad, she would, well, not now, but soon when her drive comes back, she'd show him her love she thought.

The good news was Dr. Duhigg was pleased with her healing and the echocardiograms showed the repair to her heart holding strong, good news indeed with the exertion that came with spending a majority of your day stooped over, or on the floor hugging the porcelain crown. She was surprised to think the thought herself, but she was certainly glad she was having these treatments while she was in the hospital, she could only imagine the pain, and suffering if she had tried this as she had two years ago.

Rick seldom left her alone, and only when Alexis was there to be with her. He needed to go home, do laundry and repack for another week, and was grateful Alexis came to stay overnight with Mom.

"Mom, I know what a pain in the tuchus Dad can be, even if you do love him, so I thought I would give you a break for a night" She smiled,

"Sweetie, I do love him, and after I yell, I feel so guilty. He's only trying to help, but he keeps doing things I ask him not to, making me run to the toilet, and running isn't my specialty now. He looks at me with those sad eyes, and it just reminds me of how I used to make him happy, a desire I don't even think about.

"I was worried that something was wrong, so I asked Gayle, she told me it's perfectly normal for us women to lose our desire for intimate times, along with a host of other side effects, but still, I feel so worthless, I mean"

"MOM, Stop it now, you are and never will be worthless, I know you are depressed, hell you had that before chemo, but I can tell you that Dad and Gina had sex about once a month, the last year or so they were married, so you're not holding out just to get Dad to write as she did. You have a medical condition, and let's face it, who thinks of that when all you're worried about is will lunch stay down.

"I shouldn't have said anything about Dad and Gina, but I just wanted you to know that Dad didn't marry you just for sex, he loves you Mom, and right now he's reading everything he can while calling everyone he can about how he can help make this better." Alexis patted her hand just like Rick did, Kate looked over with tears in her eyes,

"You know something, I knew I loved Rick, yes I fought it for a very long time, but the first time I really admitted it to myself was when I spent time in your home. I saw how much you loved your Dad, and how much love was in the entire house, I think I started loving you then as well. You were the one to keep him straight," they both laughed softly,

"Well, he's loved you from probably the night he went back to that little girl's house who the mother arranged for her sister to take her so she could get everything when she divorced her husband. He walked up to my room, telling me how afraid he was the one time I fell asleep behind the coats, and saw all the stuffed animals. He was out of the door in a minute, after telling me to keep the doors and windows locked, I knew where he was going."

Kate smiled, remembering waking up from a nap in the rocking chair to see him crawling around the floor in his expensive suit, and then the theory about the bunny rabbit, he always came up with things they never thought of.

"Thanks, Alexis, I appreciate that. I thought, but we never know, at least I never know, hell I don't think I've ever been in love with anyone but your Dad."

"I know what you mean, I asked Dad once how did he know when he was in love, his answer was so simple but true, he said all the words in a love song or poem make sense and they do. Now can I get you anything before I head next door, I can see you fighting sleep, and Joanne warned me, you would fight to stay awake as long as I was here. I'll be right here if you need me, Mom." She leaned in and kissed her cheek, "Now sleep,"

Xx

The next morning Kate awoke to have someone holding her hand, Rick was back in his chair, looking out the window, waiting for Alexis to awake so he could send her home to get some real rest. He had his iPod playing, and one earbud had slipped out, so she could make out the song, it was Thinking Out loud by Ed Sheridan, the words were perfect for the occasion she thought. She just stared at her husband, as he wept silently, wiping a tear from his eye, from time to time until he realized her eyes were on him.

When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks

And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Oh me I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
Maybe we found love right where we are

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm
I know you will still love me the same

"I'm sorry Babe did I wake you, was the music too loud?" he did his best to recover never wanting to let Kate see a moment of weakness,

"No Babe, the music wasn't too loud, and I'm feeling so much better now that Dr. Gupta changed the nausea medication, no Chemo until next week, and only one radiation treatment tomorrow, so today maybe I can be the wife you deserve. I'm so sorry Rick, I know I'm a bitch to you, I don't mean it, I really don't. I love you, more now than the day I married you if that's possible." She had tears in her eyes now,

"Hey, hey Babe, why the tears?" Rick asked her so sweetly,

"I could ask you the same thing, Rick, you don't have to be the ROCK every hour of every day you know. I know this is tearing you up, and my bitching like I don't appreciate everything you do, have done and continue to do for me, but I really do Babe."

"I'm sorry Kate, you shouldn't have seen that I mean I should be*"

"You should be my husband, scared out of his mind, trying his best to stay strong for me, for our daughter, for everyone, Babe, that's way too much pressure, let it out. The worst part, well other than nausea and tired all over which will pass with 6 more chemo sessions is over.

"It'll take time to work out, but eventually, we'll be able to go to Remy's and have a good burger. Let me be your partner Rick, please, I'm stronger than I look, and I want to do my job as your wife, to love you and take care of your needs, so if you feel like crying Babe, lean right here", as he pulled his head gently to her good breast.

His tears finally fell, as she held him, reassuring him. "It's OK Rick, I'm right here, I'm still here, and see we're doing it, we're kicking Cancers Ass, both of us" she kissed his head gently, and smoothed his hair with her hand.

"I missed you so much, I miss laying next to you, just cuddling, I always feel safe when I'm in your arms," she held him for a few minutes, looked up to see Alexis smiling through the glass, waving goodbye, and blowing her a kiss. She took a quick second and returned the gesture as she continued to hold her husband.

Xx

Rick must have fallen asleep with Kate holding him, she knew he was going on fumes, no matter how much he denied it. Now that the nausea was under control, she was beginning to feel a little better, enough for her to worry about her husband,

Marlene walked in and quietly shook Rick awake, removing Kate's arm, and letting her continue to sleep. "She didn't sleep well last night Rick, she told Alexis she was worried about you, and about not being able to be a wife to you, to satisfy your desires. It's early in the process, but these are typical worries every woman goes through, so when she wakes, you know what you have to do. Perhaps today if she feels up to it, you could bathe with her, when you wash her hair?"

"Is she cleared for that today Marlene?" Rick asked sweetly,

"Yeah, she's got a few days till the next chemo, but radiation is tomorrow, so seize the moment, if you know what I mean. Rick, don't take it personally if she is reluctant to be touched, the wound is healing very nicely on the chest, and her breast.

"She was lucky the tumor came out of the breast that was naturally larger than the other one. They match now so no additional surgery is needed there. It may take a while for her sexual appetite to respond, her heart is in no shape for another few weeks, but just letting you know, gentle touching and or caressing won't hurt, just no farther than second base, I mean it."

"Are you sure Mar? I don't want her to think I'm in a hurry, not like some guys were back in school, put out or get out, I never was that kind of guy, especially with the woman of my dreams" his face showed the concern he was feeling,

"Rick, it's normal to be afraid, but if you show her, she's desirable, it will do far more than any words you ever say, you still want her, sexually don't you?" Marlene bluntly asked

"Are you crazy, I get turned on by her when she thinks she looks awful. One glance at those legs, and then she says she doesn't have anything on top, but she's perfect to me, I had to turn away before little Ricky began to show his 21-gun salute, "

"Rick, TMI, just a yes would have been sufficient, so why don't you suggest it once she's awake, and had lunch, OK?"

Neither saw the smile come across Kate's lips since she was facing away from them both and had been awake since he pulled away from her, so little Ricky eh, oh that man of hers. He still wanted her in every way, today was going to be a good, no make that great day, she just knew it."

Xx

Kate had laid still for another twenty minutes before feigning waking up and stretching, she caught her husband's sparkling eyes, all full of anticipation, just like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Did you have a good nap? I missed you, just so you know" he said, puppy dog eyes, staring at her.

"Yes Babe, I slept, really slept for the first time in several days, thank you for being here with me. I know I can be a lot to handle,"

"Hey I thought we agreed not to talk about my wife that way, what say if you feel like it, we can get some lunch, anything you think you can eat, then let you rest some more. I'll be right here; I'm not leaving you tonight."

"You're so sweet Babe, I know I gave you Hell about food, I'm sorry, I was just so sick I couldn't think about it then, but now, well, I'm thinking I would like lunch from the Comfort Food Truck, Mac and Cheese, and a side order of biscuits and gravy, I'm sorry but I actually have an appetite, for some reason today." She could see the smile widen on his face and he couldn't move fast enough to get up and retrieve her food while she still had an appetite.

"Don't forget to ask Marlene if she wants lunch," she called out, he bobbed back into the doorway showing her a note,

"She ordered Babe, be right back."

Marlene walked in and inserted something into her IV line, as she smiled, "time for the nausea meds since they are working you need to eat as much as you can. Kate, that man loves you more than any man I have ever known, how did you get so lucky?"

"It was luck, well and Rick sticking it out, I was terrible to him more times than I was ever good. I loved him but I was afraid, I guess he was the only one I cared enough about to scare me if I lost him, so I did stupid stuff, but Rick, he stuck with me. I love him too, Mar, I just wish I could show him more, I feel so worthless as a woman and a wife with this condition,"

"Well, I can tell you, for a fact, you still light that boy's fire, for sure, and don't ask me how I know, sometimes I listen AND talk too much" she laughed,

Rick came back in just then, setting each of their lunches down, as Marlene made an exit. "You two excuse me, I've got to run to the bank, something about my accounts, so I'll be back in three hours. Rick hit the button for the nurse's station, they know what to do if you need help," she gave Kate the evil wink

"OK Mar, if you need help just call my attorney Walter, he'll take care of it for you," Rick offered,

Marlene had closed the blinds and locked the doors, the nurses had a key but were told to never use it without first knocking and receiving permission, the blinds were closed for a reason.

"Rick, can you do something for me, Babe?" Kate asked in her most seductive voice,

"Anything Kate, you know that" Rick smiled,

"Let's take a bath together and make out, I don't have stitches anymore so I won't need the wrap, and I want to feel you, really feel my husband, I'm sorry is that too much?" she turned red, but Rick had already begun the filling of the tub as he gently lifted her out of bed and into the warm water, he stripped down and joined her.

"I checked, we can go to second base but not a foot farther" she laughed as she pulled him into a deep sensuous kiss, one they hadn't shared in several days. It felt good, hell it felt great and little Ricky did respond as she had heard him confess. The bath was a combination make-out session, part bath, but Kate was surprised that he brought her to climax in just a few minutes with only his one hand, and fingers, God she loved this man, he never stopped taking care of her needs.

She attempted to repay the favor, he kissed her, and whispered, next time Babe, we still have to wash your hair, and Marlene will be back in twenty minutes. They had been in the water for over an hour and she never felt more loved, not even after previous lovers had rolled off her to shower, or dress and leave after the typical missionary slam bam thank you, mam, routine guys were famous for, that all changed with Rick.

Rick exited the water, so he could stand behind Kate while doing her hair, and donned a pair of shorts and a T-Shirt, just in case. He started to lather her hair as usual but something felt off, so he went a little slower until he saw, a huge clump of her hair had just fallen out of her head. It landed right in front of Kate, who gasped, then said,

"Babe?"

"Yes, Kate?"

"Can you rinse the soap out of what's left there please, I think we know what we have to do", as tears came to her eyes. He was still holding her when Marlene returned, took a look at the water, and the huge clump of hair floating on top, and heard her crying.

"Babe, it's OK, we can get you a wig so good no one will know, it's OK, I love you no matter what, please don't cry."

"I just get one step closer to making you remember I am a woman and want you to desire me, and now, I'm losing my hair? Rick, how can you say you still love me, I mean my hair, it's taken five years to grow it this long"

"Well, what are you doing the next five years, I can wait, I love you with or without hair," the tears continued.

"Kate, should I bring out operation BIC? We talked about this Sweetie, if you're going to do it, now is the time"

"Yes, Marlene, Rick, can you give us thirty minutes, I don't want you to see this" Rick looked shocked until he saw the yellow washbasin and the six-pack of BIC Razors, he knew what was coming.

"Sure Babe, Sure, I'll be back, I love you, Mrs. Castle,"

She was crying but managed to get out, "Love you too," as Marlene made the first pass with the razor.

TBC

A/N This was especially traumatic to Kate at this time, remember this was the height of the hair porn in Fandom and Canon. It's always tough losing your hair, but to go from her shoulder-length plus, to well whatever she winds up with. This was very tough to write, and I apologize to anyone where it hit too close to home, but the story needed to be told. There's always tomorrow, right?