Hey there! I'm really, really sorry about the super long time it took me to update, especially because most of the chapter was sitting there, written, for weeks now. I do owe you an explanation and that's why I'll share a bit of personal info with you: I've just started my medical residency! And while I love it, it really leaves me no time to do anything else. I haven't and I won't forget this story, I love all of your reviews and all of you who took the time to ask me to come back, but I hope you can be super patient with me from now on. I hope not to disappoint and that this makes the quarantine a bit easier.
It started the moment she joined the line for the elevator. Even if she was at the end of it, a few heads turned around to see the newcomer, and instead of the polite smile or nod or even blissful ignoring she'd usually get, this time there were just critical looks, quickly deviated glances and more than one staring at her belly. She casually placed her favorite bag in front of her and fixated her look in the changing red numbers on top of the elevator.
Twenty-fifth.
She had chosen very carefully her clothes for today: a black straight skirt, white chiffon bow blouse and an open blazer that made it very hard to clearly see the outline of her figure, not being too loose either as to call everyone's attention and speculations on it.
Twentieth floor. Now it would just get down all the way to the lobby. Good thing they'd programmed each elevator to serve a few floors, sparing her the morning ride with the whole building observing her.
It was one of the last formal attires she could actually wear without squashing the baby or looking like she'd decided to throw all formality out the window and join those new hipster kids that wore clothes three sizes too big, but time was running out. Outside work it was simpler, with light sweaters, looser informal dresses and even sportswear, but she needed new clothes for the office, like now.
Lobby. Just had to get down to her basement.
She turned around and sent a death glare to a particularly insistent young lady who was staring in her direction and smiled a little as said lady opened her eyes wide and finally stopped the gawking.
Just in time, the doors opened in front of them and they all got inside, the only sound being the low giggles between two assistants she had seen around the building before. Alicia managed to get in one of the front corners and kept looking up in the cramped space as the numbers progressively increased, taking her to Lockhart, Gardner and its world of office gossip aimed at her once more.
The doors opened with a ding in almost every floor from the twentieth to the thirtieth, letting people out and making more space inside, spitting Alicia out at the 28th. The elevator was always a nightmare in the morning, when most people had to get to their offices at the same time; the rest of the day it was sometimes even empty, giving her hope she didn't have to be stared at when she left in the evening. However, as much hope she might have for a swifter exit, she still had the whole day ahead of her.
The moment she stepped out, heads started turning in her direction once more. Secretaries, paralegals, a few of the associates and even clients. It reminded her of her first days at the office, after Peter's scandal, when everyone saw her as the cheated-on wife and not their regular new coworker. She stood up a little bit taller, placed her purse in her arm and walked down the hall, barely turning around at the curious looks. While she might absolutely loathe this situation, she wasn't going to let it show. Getting a divorce and having a child were not a crime and she had nothing to be ashamed of, or at least that had been her own pep talk that morning. So she advanced through the hall, her eyes focused on the door to her office, that had never felt so sheltering before. Once she arrived, left her things and sat in her chair, she could finally ignore the outside world. Or did she?
— —-
Will, you need to do it. Diane, who was standing in the corner of her office looking outside, crossed her arms in front of her chest and turned back towards the other partner, her eyes leaving the orange morning glow above Chicago's buildings.
He shook his head and sighed, his lips forming a thin line. Which one?
Diane smiled a little at his comment, genuinely feeling bad for the situations he had gotten himself stuck at. Both.
He sighed and nodded, leaving behind his reluctance from moments ago. Let's do it.
Diane walked up to the phone and pressed the intercom. Lisa, can you get Alicia for me, please?
Sure, Ms. Lockhart.
Diane released the intercom button and sat down in her chair, looking up at Will once more. I'll put together some names for you.
He nodded. Thank you.
They remained silent, Will's look now lost in the skyline and Diane starting to check the mail in her desk, until there was a knock at the door. Diane raised her eyes and signaled Alicia to come in. As she did so, Diane placed her hand for the briefest of seconds over Will's and squeezed gently. That simple gesture of support was all he needed from her and yet she was doing a lot more. Sure, they were partners and made a good team at the top, but she still could've just left him to fend for himself on these matters. More than partners, they truly were friends.
Come in Alicia, close the door, please.
Will turned slightly around and before Alicia could even smile at him he fixated his gaze in Diane's desk again. Alicia furrowed her brow in the most imperceptible way as she reached the two partners.
Take a seat. Diane waved to the chair next to the one Will was occupying. She did as ordered, flattening her skirt as she sat down and then pulling the blazer straight by the lapels in her new and unconscious habit to keep her bump hidden.
Yes? She looked in unease from one partner to the other, not knowing what this was about.
Your news caused quite the stir out there.
Alicia let out the air she'd been holding in. So, it turned out the office as a whole was commenting about her life today, partners included. She remained silent, not really sure what she was supposed to answer and Diane continued.
You know we know about it, but there's something we need to discuss. And she turned to Will who finally looked at Alicia. He was tempted to hold her hand, but instead kept his own in the chair's armrests. He finally spoke.
The other partners might not take it very well. Your divorce weren't happy news and with this...
There might be some discontent with you. Diane finished the sentence for him.
Okay. I understand that part, but, what can I do?
We need to play a little charade here, Alicia. Diane spoke frankly, her blue eyes staring at the other woman's, trying to make sure she was following. If anyone finds out about the father... her voice went lower at that. While offices were quite soundproof she didn't want to risk being heard. It will give people around here reasons to create an uproar against you and even Will.
That's why I'm going to play the disappointed suitor. Will spoke and Alicia looked at him trying to understand what on Earth was he talking about. Hadn't her morning been such a disaster she might've even laughed.
Disappointed suitor?
There have been rumors about you both. If Will acts upset about the news, it will quiet them enough to let you get unscathed from this, with the partners.
And that way we can tackle one thing at a time.
One thing at a time. Alicia didn't think much of that phrase and looked at Will and then Diane.
So... what am I supposed to do? She got the plan, but not her part on it.
Just act normal, the way you would if Will was upset at you. He just nodded in agreement.
And if anyone asks, we found out by the morning news, like everyone else.
Okay.
And we called you now to discuss it.
Okay.
Now I'm going to get out of here, upset. And before anyone could reply, Will got into character and stood up, his face dead serious, buttoned his suit and stomped out of the office, closing the door with that extra force that made the glass shiver for a second after his departure. Alicia was still looking at the place where he'd just disappeared when Diane spoke again.
Alicia.
She turned back at her, meeting her blue orbs that glistened with the morning light that entered through the windows.
Being a partner is also a political game. Will needs to get detached now to be able to protect you and himself later. I can only do so much against the whole board. So I hope you don't take this personally, he didn't want to upset you by doing this.
No, it's okay, I understand. Thank you, Diane.
Sure. Have a nice day, Alicia.
And with that, she was dismissed back into her office, just waiting on when would Will act up as promised. She sighed and got to work, not being able to shake off completely the feeling that Will and Diane's plan was much bigger than just acting upset. She caught a glimpse of Julius Cain and one of the other partners talking in the hall as they turned to see her and shook their heads in unison, heading towards Diane's office.
By lunchtime, all the partners headed to the conference room. Alicia could only see the heated argument from the outside, which was kind of a good thing, because what was being said of her wasn't particularly kind. Will and Diane, on the other hand, were trying to keep everything under control.
She's no longer an asset for us, she's only bringing in trouble!
Yes, first the divorce now the pregnancy!
I thought we'd brought her for her husband. Why is she still here?
She's not bringing in new clients. She's making us lose them!
Diane looked around the room, as more than one partner stood up like if that could make their argument any louder. She always let them say what they thought, until she'd had enough, and today, they'd reached her limit quite fast.
Enough! Silence! She took her glass with just an inch of water as a makeshift gavel and banged it against the table. The sound finally got her some silence. Enough!
Everyone turned towards her.
We're keeping Alicia because she's good. We've all, and I mean all of us, have gotten in trouble at one point or another and we've always had each other's backs.
But we're partners! It's different. Julius intervened, his expression received with scattered murmurs of approval.
She's a valuable asset for this firm. And even if you don't think so, we can't fire her while pregnant and you know it. So this discussion is over. I don't want to hear anymore about it. We have enough trouble without this petty arguments. And Diane stood up, grabbing her stuff and heading towards the exit. Will remained seated, elbows on the table and fingers interlaced in front of his face, watching them as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
You're not going to say anything, Will? Julius knew Diane was right. Firing a pregnant Alicia would expose them to a good lawsuit, but he still wanted to put up a fight.
Will looked slowly upwards. His expression remained unchanged and his tone was completely unemotional. We can't get rid of her now. We have to think how to fix her messes and have this conversation once that kid is born. He then stood up and followed Diane outside.
As they walked back to their offices Diane murmured at him.
It was good, you didn't side with her.
I hate this. He stole a glance in the direction of Alicia's office and then shut the door of his own, not in the mood to receive anyone. Diane shook her head and walked to the other side. They'd have some long months ahead.
— —
I sometimes think it would be easier if we just said it all at once. The room was dimly lit by the bedside lamp and Will was already in bed, Alicia being the only source of movement and shadows as she brushed her hair and put some cream in her hands and her belly as she got ready for bed too.
No. Will answered softly. There is a clause in the partner's agreement where the endangerment of the firm as perceived by the board can get you kicked out. They would definitely argue that getting the State's Attorney angry by sleeping with his former wife is endangering our business.
That's a stupid clause. It's so vague. Anything can be endangerment if argumented right.
Why do you think we insisted upon it? We just weren't planning on this. He chuckled. Alicia pulled the covers to slide next to Will. He opened his arm and she snuggled against him.
I didn't feel you very upset with me today.
You should've seen me at the partners meeting then. They smiled, tired at the day they'd had. Will turned the light off and they just hugged each other, Alicia letting Will's heartbeat soothe her as his fingers moved up and down her back.
How did your day go? You didn't have to hear too much gossip?
She huffed. I saw people gossip about me all day long. The elevator ride in the morning was a nightmare. But they'll eventually forget. They are just waiting on the next scandal to comment over coffee.
I'm sorry you have to go through that.
He felt her shake her head slightly against his chest. It's not your fault. Had I not been married to Peter no one would've batted an eye at the news. I just try to think about the day that we meet baby and how it'll all be worth it then.
There was a moment of silence as Will thought about one thing that had been bothering him.
Are we really going to call the baby "baby" until it's born?
Well, we still don't know the sex. We can't use a name yet.
But, we could call it something gender neutral. I don't know, like a nickname.
I used to call Zach "little pea" when I was pregnant, but I can't think of anything right now.
Hmmmm, how about Justice?
You mean, like Diane's dog?
Well, maybe it wasn't such a good idea. They both laughed for the first time that day.
We'll think of something. But not tonight. I'm fried. Let's go to sleep.
—
Weekends don't really seem to last when you work in a big law firm and before Alicia had even had time to feel rested her alarm announced Monday morning. She groggily got out of bed, dragged herself into the shower and finally managed to get going for the day after the water and soap left her feeling fresh and clean. When she arrived at Lockhart, Gardner still several heads turned her way, but the gawking and whispering weren't as obvious as they'd been on Friday. She spent almost all of her day in witness prep, getting ready for the Tenneco's depos, allowing her to hide in the secondary conference room for most of her workday. At 5 o'clock she grabbed her stuff and scurried away. Kids would probably be home by now and she knew after the weekend news cycle she'd probably need to sort some things out with them.
After her drive among the rest of office workers anxious to get home, she stood for a moment on the hallway of her floor, watching the faint glow under her door that clearly announced Zach and Grace's presence. She missed a little the times when it felt like she'd finally gotten things sorted out, when she could come home and there would be no Peter and no complications with Will, and her only concerns were if the children were behaving at school and her cases at work. She didn't regret the baby, she truly didn't, but things had turned a hell lot more complicated because of it. Her hands found the firm growth in her belly and she caressed it, almost the way you'd squeeze a familiar hand in reassurance. She opened the door and was immediately received by Zach's music.
I'm home!
A couple of distant okays answered her claim. She kicked her heels in the entrance of her bedroom and threw the bag on the bed, heading then to the computer where, surely enough, Zach was sitting.
Hey.
Hey mom.
How are you? She placed her hands on his shoulders and he turned to kiss her hello.
Fine.
How was your week?
Zach turned for a second and then back at the computer's screen. Good.
Alicia gave up. Teenagers are never the communicative ones.
I was thinking about ordering dinner, what do you say?
I'd love it. But, are you sure?
Yeah. I'm eating for two these days. While she (or the little being inside her) was still picky about some things, her hunger had suddenly increased exponentially and she was basically eating anything that was left around her. Will had had a good number of complaints over the weekend about the disappearing food in his fridge.
Grace?
Absentmindedly, Zach pointed with his head towards the closed bedroom door. Alicia walked by him and knocked softly, opening before even getting an answer. Grace was lying in her bed, a few notebooks and books scattered in front. She looked up and seeing her mom, she returned to what she'd been doing, like if Alicia was a minor nuisance she could make it go away by ignoring it.
Hey, Grace.
She barely looked up again. Hey.
I'm ordering dinner. Is it okay with you?
Whatever you want.
Alicia bit her lip trying not to snap at her behavior and be as patient as possible. She left and ordered Chinese, calling her children once it arrived and the table was set up.
The first part of the dinner was quiet, with a few scattered comments about school, but the tension of the unsaid words bounced between the three of them, eyes furtively staring at each other until Grace couldn't hold it anymore.
Why did you give the interview? She was holding the chopsticks in her hand but was no longer interested in the food. Zach stopped eating too, expectantly.
Alicia swallowed the mouthful that suddenly felt too big and cleaned her lips with the napkin, leaving her own chopsticks aside.
The press found out about the article. They called for comment. I had to do it before they started bothering us.
Why didn't Eli make them go away?
He's a crisis manager, he manages the way the news come out, but he can't just make them disappear.
Grace seemed unconvinced at her answer and Zach was once more chewing his food, but still following closely the conversation.
So... he swallowed. Are you going to tell us at some point who this guy is?
Alicia felt the real weight of the way she'd handled things fall onto her with that question. While Zach was being really polite about it she realized they'd both probably felt excluded and foreigners to all of this. And well, she just had to remember her mom's weddings and divorce to know what it felt like. She looked up at them.
I know this is a strange situation for you, it has been weird for me too. And I wouldn't love anything more than you being involved in this baby's life. But, I don't want to pressure you either. I want you to take things at your own pace. That's why I hadn't told you before. Do you really want to know?
Yes. Zach answered. Grace took longer, her eyes aiming for her mom but her mind thinking about her words and her own feelings.
I guess. Alicia would take what she got from Grace, even her non-enthusiastic-at-all response, but now that they both wanted to know she could feel her stress at her impending confession. Her heart raced and she felt strangely vulnerable.
The father is Will. Will Gardner.
It was the first time she admitted those words out loud and it felt weird: liberating, but also like there was no going back from here.
Your boss?! The shocked response was automatic from both of them. Alicia breathed deeply.
Yes. My boss.
Why? Grace was still employing her most shocked tone.
Well... "it just happened" would've been a nice answer, but she knew she owed them the effort to answer... Will and I met back at Georgetown. At the time we were only friends and we sort of lost contact after graduation. But then, when I was searching for a job, I found him and he told me about the the spot at Lockhart, Gardner. After I separated from your dad, we realized there were some feelings between us that we wanted to explore. It wasn't something we were sure about yet and that's why I hadn't told you anything when we found out about the baby.
They both remained pensive.
And what will happen now? I mean, at your office. And here. Will he move in here, are you getting married or something?
Getting married?! In Alicia's mind that had never been anywhere near a possibility.
No! We're still going over our options and I want you to be a part of it as well. This baby will change all of our lives but I don't want you to feel like you have no saying in it. We are a family after all.
So your boyfriend is now family? Grace huffed and then exploded. Her day at school had been filled with whispers and gossiping about her mom, those pitiful looks in her direction making her want to run away and never return. She was tired of paying for her parents' disasters.
Grace...
No mom! You and dad never think about us. You just go and live your lives and never even think how it might affect us, your children! Have you got any idea of what it is like to be the topic of conversation of the whole school at lunch? I hate this. I hate the baby. I hate being in this family! And she just started sobbing and crying as Zach's mouth opened in surprise and Alicia felt the words hitting her like a sledgehammer in the chest. When had she become such a terrible mother? Grace took the rest of her dinner to the kitchen as Alicia tried to regain motion and some coherent thought. Zach's eyes were still wide open staring at his mother, awaiting her reaction. But the only thing she could do was pick up her chopsticks and finish the rest of her dinner in silence, deciding to talk to Grace once she'd calmed down a bit. It was going to be a long, difficult conversation.
P.S: I couldn't come up with a nickname for baby so any suggestions are highly appreciated. Lots of virtual hugs to all of you!
