WARNINGS: None, aside from Hiei saying something incredibly OOC.
NOTE: This is a non-canonical (almost AU, tbh) LC side-snippet born from a request from an anonymous reader on Tumblr, who assigned me a prompt from an Ask Meme.
Children of Misfortune
"Vocabulary Lessons"
To be read any time after Puu hatches in the timeline of Lucky Child.
Yusuke hated it when I spoke English—which meant that I, like the good little troll that I am, spoke English eagerly and often in his presence.
I'll admit it was fun to watch him sputter and curse and demand I speak Japanese. I'd make sarcastic and snarky comments about his behavior straight to his face, and while he could recognize the smartass tone I used, he had no clue what I was actually talking about. It really got under his skin when we were kids, but as we aged, my English insults began to roll off his back. Sure, he'd shoot me an annoyed look when I said something in English, but because he didn't realize how badly I was insulting him, he didn't get mad. He'd just harrumph and mutter about me being a show-off before stalking away down the sidewalk, ignoring me completely.
But that was before I started tutoring Kuwabara in English.
Kuwabara was a quick study when he put his mind to something. In no time flat, Kuwabara had picked up quite a few English swear words and curses, and soon he understood the bulk of the things I said to Yusuke. To Yusuke's chagrin, Kuwabara would join in with me, lobbing English name-calling and laughing at Yusuke's expense—which meant Yusuke went right back to being thoroughly incensed by our tag-team efforts to embarrass him.
Despite all this, Yusuke never actually took the time to learn English, which had been why I started using it around him in the first place. Truth be told, I'd been hoping to spark his curiosity. He resented being told what to do, especially when it came to studying, so I thought that… um, inspiring him into learning English through sheer frustration might trigger him into picking up a dictionary. Unfortunately, the tactic didn't work… on him.
On Hiei, however, it proved unexpectedly effective.
His interest in learning English started during my tenure as his parole officer, when he saw me and Yusuke interact a few times a week, and his interest only intensified during the Dark Tournament. Being housed in close quarters with the entire team had a way of forcing us to be together, the aloof Hiei no exception. Maybe he got tired of seeing me pal around with Kuwabara and share offhand remarks with him in a language Hiei couldn't understand. Maybe he wearied of seeing Kurama overhear these remarks and chuckle to himself. Maybe he just didn't like being left out of the loop, loathe though he'd be to admit it. Whatever the reason, he began demanding (when no one was within earshot) for me to teach him some useful words and phrases in English—starting with some profanity, but I digress.
And much like Kuwabara, Hiei, too, was a quick study. It certainly helped that he could read minds. Whenever I'd drop an English tidbit, I'd immediately feel that odd little itch at the back of my brain, that weird little non-buzz that signaled Hiei had entered my head with his Jagan to assess the meaning of whatever I'd just said. Over time he gleaned some choice phrases thanks to that methodology—phrases I would not have taught him if I'd been able to help it. But I didn't realize just how quick of a study Hiei truly was until after Team Urameshi won their first round in the Dark Tournament.
It happened after Puu hatched from his egg, of course. We were all cooing and gushing over just how adorable Puu was (despite his this-canon-only bat-wings) when Hiei walked into the hotel suite and spotted the blue Spirit Beast sitting on Botan's lap. At once Hiei's scarlet eyes narrowed, zeroing in on the creature as his lip curled and he stopped dead in his tracks. Puu, spying Hiei in return, scrambled away from Botan and crawled up Yusuke's torso to tangle his claws in his master's hair, chattering nervously under the weight of Hiei's glare.
I, meanwhile, averted my eyes and stifled a laugh, because I knew precisely what Hiei was about to say. "What is that ridiculous appendage growing out of your head all about?" he'd surely spout off, because that's what he'd said in the dub of YYH.
But Hiei did not say that.
Instead he inclined his head and demanded in perfectly accented English, "What in the frick frack diddily dack is that?"
A beat passed in which all present parties took a moment to orient themselves in the broader context of a universe in which Hiei, of all people, would say something so utterly ridiculous—and in English, no less. Kurama, oddly, was the first to break. He sniggered and covered his mouth, and then Kuwabara fell out of his chair and began to laugh so hard he cried. Shizuru took to chain-puffing on her cigarette in an attempt not to guffaw aloud, and over all of this Hiei looked in confused silence. Soon he turned to me with accusation in his eyes, however, growling a growl of murder from between his bared teeth.
"That phrase is meant to ridicule, is it not?" he spat, glaring so hard it's a wonder I didn't combust. "So why am I the one being mocked?"
I didn't answer him. I was too busy laughing (and then running as he insinuated he'd behead me for my crime) to answer.
NOTES:
As stated in the note above the tile: This is a non-canonical (bit of an AU, tbh) LC side-snippet and a request from an anonymous reader on Tumblr, who assigned me a prompt (#24: "What the frick frack diddily dack is that?") and characters (NQK and Hiei) based on a predetermined, meme-ish list. Yay for Ask Memes!
It felt a bit too obvious to make NQK say the phrase to Hiei, so I had to work to find a way to make him say it. Only really made sense to make him say it because he doesn't quite know how to use it effectively. Poor NQK better run, because he's about to murder her poor ass for giving Kuwabara ammunition…
Was also fun to riff on the "ridiculous appendage" scene from the anime. A lot of people say that's their favorite out of all of Hiei's lines, so… TIME TO PERVERT THE SCENE TO SERVE MY OWN ENDS, LMFAO.
Thanks for reading. Follow me on Tumblr (username "LuckyStarChild") to join in on this Ask Meme and to learn more behind-the-scenes stuff about LC. Also, I have like six more prompts to answer, so… yeah. More ridiculousness to come! THANKS SO MUCH!
