Holy moly. What a response to the last chapter. Thank you for each and every single one of you who took the time to out to leave a review and actually write out their thoughts. I'm overwhelmed by the response.
Chapter 16 - How deep is your love?
Sunday, December 15th, 2019.
CPOV:
We take off with a slight delay but Stephan assures me we'll more than make up for it on the way. I hated saying goodbye to Ana but she smiled and kissed me sweetly putting on a brave face.
"Here, some cookies for you all. Please share them with Stephan, Nicole and Taylor. Don't eat them all yourself." She giggles.
"Do I have to?" I laugh.
"Yes, you do. I'll text and confirm with Taylor so you better watch yourself." She winks.
We've been up in the air for about 3 hours now. I sit in the dark, and look out the window. The sky is pitch black and the stars shine bright and close. Like, I could reach up and pick them. I've got a shit ton of work to do but I can't focus. Ana has consumed my mind, body and soul. The words she said back in Big Sur come back to me.
"If I had to go through all of this again just to have you for this one weekend, I'd do it a million times over, Christian."
She'd be willing to go through all that for me again. She's been through so much and here I am, with my so called trauma that pales in comparison. I lack the fucking spine to tell her the truth about what a sick fuck I am, because I'm a selfish asshole.
I listen to the playlist Kate shared. A song comes on and it mirrors what I see outside, as if the dark sky could sing...
And in the end
You begin again
It's the way of all things
Your body's like a wishing well of a million diamonds
Her bones to dust bursting into a million diamonds
And you'll carry on
Cause in the end
It's the way of all things
It will be beautiful
She came back from everything, from being crushed and she's still so beautiful. She's still the brightest light.
Monday, December 16th, 2019.
APOV
I woke up to a text from Christian telling me that he arrived in Tokyo safely. I texted him back and he immediately called me telling me it was almost midnight there and he didn't want to go to sleep without seeing me. Who knew Mr. Billionaire was such a sap.
He asked me to record a memo of myself singing a song and send it to him everyday that he was away. And so I last night I sat in this humongous bathroom and recorded 3 songs. After we ended the call, I sent him the first one, which happens to be his favorite.
You lift my heart up
When the rest of me is down
You, you enchant me
Even when you're not around
If there are boundries
I will try to knock them down
I'm latching on, babe
Now I know what I have found.
...
Lunch time rolls around and I distribute all the cookies to their respective winners. The thrill of receiving 30 emails in the span of 5 minutes every Monday morning after my email announcement, each clamoring for their chance to win a box is the most entertaining part of my week.
Once, I give the last box away, I head on over to sit with my GEH crew.
"Your tacos are cold as shit now." Jose says in mock disgust.
"It's okay, I'll still eat them. I never say no to food." I shrug.
"Yeah, you only say no to dick and you're not even a lesbian. Something is seriously wrong witchu girl." Jose shakes his head.
Val and I cackle. Little does Jose know.
Samantha from real estate joins us, "Mr. Grey isn't in so you know what that means... we can all breathe easy." Christian has been on real estate's ass to get the Lot 43 deal closed.
"It's going to be a sad week, I need my eye-candy fix." Val whines.
"Me, too girl. I need to see those fine buns to get me through the week." Jose adds.
I roll my eyes and Jose almost smacks me.
"I'm telling you there is something wrong with this one..." Jose will not let this go.
Except there is nothing wrong with me, I mean I am a little sore but it feels good. Because it's a result of being the man I love who loves me fiercely. I start to feel a flash of memories from that morning come through but I push them away. No. It is not the same. Christian loves me and he makes love to me. Even when we fuck, he loves me. He would never hurt me like that. He worshipped me on Friday night. God, I thought I was going to die. He made me come by just speaking against my skin, feeling his hot breath as his lips would lightly graze my skin every now and then. He made so many promises. He made me hold on to the headboard, close my eyes and he revered my body, making me come so hard I thought I saw stars.
"You're mine, Ana."
"I'm never going to let you go."
"I'll always love you."
"I can't get enough of you."
"You mean everything to me."
"You taste divine."
"We're meant to be."
At one point, he held my body against his, my back to his chest as I slowly rode him. Achingly slow. I didn't recognize the sounds coming out of my own mouth as he continued to tell me how much he needed me. God he has the stamina of a god. I'm in so much trouble.
"EARTH TO ASEXUAL STEELE." I am suddenly brought out of my sex haze of a daydream with Jose's fingers snapping in front of my face as he angry whispers.
"Sorry... I zoned out for a bit." I mumble.
"Yeah, I know. RUDE!" He scolds me and I can't help but laugh. "Thursday... it's Diva's karaoke night at the Secret Garden. We need to go."
"Oh I'll be there. I've got my hot pink wig ready." Val claps like a child.
"Oooh, yes... I want to go. I've never been! I want to wear a wig too though" I'm suddenly so excited but I probably need to figure out the security situation with Sawyer. Think, Ana, think. "Hey, is it okay if I bring a friend?"
"Is he gay?" Jose asks... always to the point.
"Why does it matter? You're married anyway." I remind him.
"Well, if he's hot enough, Phillip has allowed me 3 get out of jail free cards. We've been married for 5 years and I've yet to use one."
"Jose, you talk a big game but we all know what a big pussy you are." I tease.
"Listen bish, you're the biggest asexual pussy here. You won't even entertain us girls with a grey fantasy and that shit is a rite of passage up in this bitch and you've been avoiding it. My patience unlike Phillip's love handles is wearing thin."
"Because, I have no interest in him." LIES, I have way too much interest in him... being inside of me. And on cue my panties are drenched.
"I don't know what the fuck to do with you. You won't even let me set you up... heck you won't even sign up for tinder for a good fuck. I'm going to have to fly out my aunty maria from san juan to give you cleanse and exorcise this virgin chastity demon that resides within you."
We all laugh and I feel a pang of guilt. I wish I could tell Jose and Val. I mean I could make them sign an NDA but I don't want to go down that route. I haven't told them anything about my family and the business or my accident. I've been painfully private and I hate it because they've told me some deeply personal things over the few months of our friendship. They've been so good to me. Jose was the first one to take me under his wing and notice my scared look on the first day at legal.
FLASHBACK
You can do this Ana. Just breathe and smile. I get my orientation from Ali and she shows me where everything is. I excuse myself to go to the ladies room to calm myself and call Kate for a quick minute.
I leave the bathroom and walk back to my desk that is hidden from view thank god, only to find an impeccably well dressed Hispanic man waiting.
"You're new."
"Um.. yeah. Hi, I'm Anastasia. I was just hired as a second assistant to Mr. Travis." I hold out my hand and he takes it.
"Solid handshake. So Anastasia, what brings you to Grey Enterprises?" I am trying to assess if he's a threat but I see a wedding band, still men can be scum.
"Well, the need to pay bills and student loans. Are you going to introduce yourself or just interrogate me?" Fuck, I sound like a bitch. Calm down, Steele.
"Damn, you've got fire. I like you. I'm Jose and don't worry, I'm gay. I'm only interested in your shoes which by the way... solid choice for a first day. Not many girls here can work my pal Loubi... so I've decided, I'm taking you under my wing. You're having lunch with me and my hag from Acquisitions... her name is Val. You'll like her." He says in all seriousness and I break out into a smile.
"Okay, yeah sure. By the way, call me Ana and thanks. See you at lunch!"
"Meet me by the elevators at 1:00pm. " He winks at me and walks away.
END FLASHBACK
"Hi baby" Christian smiles and I melt.
"Hi Mr. Grey, I hope it's not too bad of a time to talk. I'll only take five minutes of your time."
"Baby, you can talk for as long as you like."
I can't help but giggle. "No it's okay, just want to run something by you."
"Sure, what's up?"
"Thursday, three GEH friends of mine and I are going to a gay bar called The Secret Garden for karaoke night and I want to take Sawyer as a friend or cousin, like yes he'll still be on duty but just in normal clothes. That way, he won't look out of place and it won't raise any suspicions."
"Ana, just tell them he's been assigned by your family."
"I haven't told them about my family."
"Why?" He asks confused.
"Because, I would have to make them sign an NDA and I don't want to do that. I haven't told them anything about myself in that way. They think I'm single and I'm from Montesano and my mom lives in San Francisco with her family. They don't know about the money or anything. I don't want to shove an NDA down their throats."
He takes a few moments to think it over.
"Okay, I'll let Sawyer know and you can tell me all the details."
"YAY, thank you... I love you." I smile at him and blow him a kiss.
He chuckles. "I love you too baby. I expect pictures and videos from this so called hangout."
"Oh definitely, I'll be wearing a hot pink wig." I laugh out loud.
"This I have to see." He smirks.
Wednesday, December 17th, 2019
EL: Christian, it's been forever. Remember the new prospects I mentioned? When would you like to meet them?
CG: Not interested in the moment. Priorities have changed.
EL: This is so unlike you. It's been almost 4 months now. You need to de-stress.
CG: I know what I need better than you do. Drop it.
EL: Christian, darling. If need be, I can personally help.
CG: Elena, take a fucking hint.
The thought of Elena subbing for me makes me want to retch. Fuck, I need to tell Ana. Two more days till I'm back in Seattle and I can get this out in the open. Thankfully Welch was able to trace the leak and figure out who was talking to the press. Of course it was fucking Susannah. I had Sawyer put the fear of God into for violating the NDA her and retract her statements. She begged Sawyer to let her talk to me and take me back as a sub. Pathetic. I'm safe for now, until the next sub decides to open her fucking mouth.
I told Welch to get me a progress report on what all the subs are up to at this time. I cannot afford to have another fuck up like this.
The Tokyo office is a mess; they couldn't handle one local acquisition on their own and let one of the factories run amok with a strike. It's like they need constant hand holding, I have half a mind to fire all top management and relocate some of the New York and Seattle team here.
It's been hard sleeping. I don't sleep well without her, hearing recordings of her singing and watching her videos before going to bed at night help sometimes but I need her. It's almost ridiculous. She sent me a new memo and hearing her was like a balm to the soul.
I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
You're the light in my deepest darkest hour
You're my savior when I fall
And you may not think that I care for you
Well, you know down inside that I really do
And it's me you need to show
How deep is your love, is your love
How deep is your love, I really need to learn
'Cause we're livin' in a world of fools, breakin' us down
They should all just let us be, we belong to you and me
...
CG: Baby, how was your day?
AS: Very good Mr. Grey, all is quiet here, we don't have the boss yelling at us these days, haha.
CG: I miss that smart mouth.
AS: And it misses you! When do you land in Seattle?
CG: I get in around 7pm on Friday. Meet me at Escala?
AS: Yaay! Okay, I can't wait. Counting the days.
CG: You're all mine this weekend. The outside world will have to wait.
AS: All yours, xo.
Thursday, December 19th, 2019
CPOV
By the time I get back to my hotel room, I'm beat but I want to see Ana. I take a quick shower but by the time I'm done, I've already gotten a message from her.
AS: Good morning from Seattle. I hope you aren't working too hard and had some dinner. Wanted to send you another memo, as you asked. I have to head into work early today to prep for a 9:30 meeting :( but I love you. Sleep well.
Storm's coming up on the horizon
Batten the hatches, keep yourself from harm
But if those northern winds are too strong
And all the world come crashing in
Here's where we begin
Taken for granted, now you're all alone
You believed in someone who let you down
It seems like the end but it's not over
You've shunned the new day, won't let it in
Here's where we begin
I'll come running for you
Your whole world's turned upside down
But my love, it will keep you
On solid ground
I'll come running for you
I'll be the friend you need
I'll come running
My girl. God I need to get back home already.
...
APOV
"Luke, thank you SO MUCH for agreeing to this."
Luke lets out a chuckle. "Only for you Ana. I can't believe you got the boss to agree to this."
"Oh well, I have my ways." I smirk and he laughs.
Luke aka Sawyer and I have become friends. He tried his best to fight it but I broke him down. As soon as he found out that Ray was ex-army I guess he thought I was okay too. He still acts incredibly professional in front of Christian and rightly so but I've told him to chill the fuck out when it's just us.
"Have you ever been to the Secret Garden?" I ask. "I have been a few times with an ex."
"Oh, well I hope it won't bring up any bad memories." Fuck, I hope not.
"Nah... it was a long time ago. I'm good to go."
"Okay so, you're going to be my cousin who just moved here for a job opportunity in security and for god's sake lose the tie, you're not going to a funeral. Open up the top two buttons and look casual... look like you're related to me, please."
We both laugh. "Steele, you've really though this through haven't you?"
"Yeah, I even have your whole backstory and a couple of childhood memories full scripted."
"God. I'm just going to stay quiet for the entire night."
"Unless you meet a cute guy."
"I can't, I'm working remember."
"Okay fine... but fair warning, my friend Jose is... well... hyper. He's married but it doesn't stop him from objectifying every living breathing human being. It's all talk though, he's otherwise harmless."
"Great, this is gonna be just great."
We get to Secret Garden and find Jose, his husband Phillip with Val and Samantha. Jose practically screams when he sees Luke but I stop him in mid approach and give him a stare.
"How is a gorgeous specimen like you related to this asexual being?" Jose asks with zero preamble.
I see Luke slowly die of embarrassment.
"O-M-G, you're a shy guy? Honey, look, he's shy. We need to set him up. Don't worry Luke, I have a database."
"J, honey, let it go. Let's just have some fun tonight. Stop trying to set everyone up." Phillip tries to calm Jose down from his self created ledge of impending doom at the fact that single people are in his midst. Jose grunts and heads out to get a drink.
Luke looks at me and shakes his head. It's going to be a long night.
CPOV
I'm in the middle of the most boring meeting of my life when I get a bunch of texts from Ana and a security update from Sawyer letting me know that Ana is home safe and her meeting with friends went smoothly.
AS: Hi honey, I'm home and safe. Haha. Had tons of fun. Here are some silly pictures and videos. My friends and I are crazy so don't judge. I love you and I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
I decide to watch the video later on after the meeting is over but I open the pictures and Ana looks adorable in different colored wigs and face glitter. She looks every bit the young carefree girl she's meant to be. I can't help but smile. Once the meeting is over, I watch the video and it's of her and her friend Jose performing a song in the most over the top and outrageous manner, taking me back to watching her at the wedding.
Yeah, my receipts, be lookin' like phone numbers
If it ain't money, then wrong number
Black card is my business card
The way it be settin' the tone for me
I don't mean to brag, but I be like, "Put it in the bag, " yeah
When you see them racks, they stacked up like my ass, yeah
Shoot, go from the store to the booth
Make it all back in one loop, give me the loot
Never mind, I got the juice
Nothing but net when we shoot
Look at my neck, look at my jet
Ain't got enough money to pay me respect
Ain't no budget when I'm on the set
If I like it, then that's what I get, yeah
God, I am so in love with this girl.
Friday, December 20th, 2019.
CPOV
Stephan let's us know we're about to begin our final descent into Sea –Tac. Thank fuck. It feels like forever since I've been away. The anticipation is killing me. I can't wait to see Ana and hold her. I need her so badly. It's around 6:30pm when we land, thankfully we have Charlie Tango on standby at Sea-Tac as well to beat the rush hour traffic. I'm not in the mood to sit in idle or barely moving traffic when I can be home within 10 minutes and Ana's arms.
Taylor and Ryan load our bags into Charlie Tango. I greet Joe and he signals the control tower that we're ready to take off. As soon as we get the go ahead, we're on our way. Nothing beats seeing the skyline, this close up in Charlie Tango. I can't wait to take Ana up and show her Mt. Rainier. There's so much I want to show her. It needs to be warmer already.
We land on the Escala helipad and make our way to the elevators. I tell Taylor, I'll take my bag and ask him to retire for the night. The elevators open into the penthouse and I'm met with warm and grand music. It's the Phantom of the Opera. I walk slowly towards the kitchen and I hear Gail and Ana singing "All I Ask of You". Ana is helping her prepare dinner and they laugh as the music swells. Gail has beautiful voice as well, I never knew. Ana's voice sounds light and angelic, full of happiness.
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;
Say the word and I will follow you.
Share each day with me,
Each night, each morning.
Say you love me!
You know I do.
Love me, that's all I ask of you
Anywhere you go let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you.
"Mrs. Jones, let's ditch these men and go on tour together." Ana laughs and Gail joins her.
I clear my throat "I see how it is, I leave for a few days and I'm tossed aside liked chopped liver." I say with mock jealously.
Ana whips around and beams at me. "CHRISTIAN!" she runs up to me and throws her arms around my neck to kiss me. I lift her and give her a crushing hug, inhaling her scent. I'm home now. I never want to let go. She breaks away from me, out of breath. "I'm so happy you're home. I missed you so much." She looks up at me smiling with those beautiful blue eyes, almost tearing up. I see Gail has disappeared to give us a moment to ourselves.
I hold her face and kiss her again. "I missed you more baby, you're a sight for sore eyes."
"Dinner is almost ready, let's get you freshened up, Mr. Grey and then you can relax and tell me all about Tokyo." She smiles and takes my hand as we walk to the bedroom. She takes out my clothes as sets them out for me.
She goes to get me a towel and turns to walk out but I pull her to me and I walk her back to the counter and lift her up. "I need you, I can't wait, it's been forever." I pant against her lips as I unzip myself. She lifts the hem of her dress and pulls me in close as I help her take it off and rip her panties. "I'm all yours, Mr. Grey." She says seductively. Fuck, I don't know if I'll last.
I enter her and we both moan into each other, she needs me too. She locks her legs around me tightly as she leans back, supporting herself on the counter with one hand, with the other around my neck as I kiss and bite her neck. Her moans are loud as she urges me "Again, Christian, please". I push into her faster and I feel her tense and growl "come for me baby, I need you." I move one hand to massage her clit and latch my mouth onto one of her breasts, biting and sucking her. She lets go and screams my name, her head thrown back, desperately trying to catch her breath. I feel myself tense and groan my release into her breasts "fuckkk, yes baby... god, I needed you so bad."
We're holding each other, trying to catch our breaths. Ana looks to me and cocks her head to one side smiling "Welcome home Mr. Grey, I guess you really did miss me." I smile at her "baby you have no idea, I'm going to take advantage of you all weekend." She giggles "bring it on Mr. Grey."
We take a shower and continue to kiss and wash each other. I can't stop staring at her and don't want to let her go. Once we get done, we dry off and change into fresh clothes. We walk out and go to sit at the kitchen and Gail serves us dinner. She retires for the weekend and Ana and I catch up. Gail has made Ana's favorite, although she has many favorites she tells me this is on the top 5. Spaghetti Bolognese with garlic bread. She tells me she can't wait to go to Italy and eat all the pasta she can find giggling like a child, I've missed that sound. Once we're done with dinner, we put away the dishes and she makes herself some tea while I pour myself another glass of wine and we sit back on the bar stools, legs tangled together.
"I got some pictures of us from the wedding by the way." She tells me with excitement and proceeds to show me pictures of us. They're amazing. Ana and I dancing on the wedding as I twirl her, another as I dip her at the end. Then two from the Sangeet, one where we're both leaning in to each other smiling and another where she holds up her teacup to me as I take a sip of the Kashmiri tea. I love how these meaningful moments were captured. Forever, just for us. "These are beautiful baby, I'm so glad we have pictures of us." I smile at her as I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know... the beginning of us." She traces my lip with her finger. "I'm so happy, this photographer is amazing and she's based in Seattle, I'm going to refer her to everyone, she caught moments that I'd never have thought of." She looks back at me again. I hold her face and kiss her. "I've missed your lips and your skin, I can't wait to lose myself inside of you." I whisper. She looks back me in a daze. "Hmm, let me finish my tea and then I'm all yours, Mr. Grey."
We talk a bit more and she suddenly remembers something. "I totally forgot, I made us dessert."
"I thought I was having you for dessert."
"Nice try, Mr. Grey... but follow me." She leads me around the counter towards the fridge and asks me to get out two plates and cutlery.
"I made cheesecake, it's a slightly different recipe and unbaked but this was like a staple when Kate and I were in college and I wanted to share the tradition with you."
"I'm honored Miss Steele. What tradition warranted a cheesecake?"
"Oh, whenever Kate was about to break up with someone, she'd let me know before hand and then I'd make this and when she'd come up after breaking whatever poor guys heart, we'd sit around and eat cheesecake and analyze her short-lived relationship and talk about life in general, like the Golden Girls."
"Are you breaking up with me?" I ask in a slight panic. Fuck I need to tell her already.
"Oh god no, I would make this for other occasions too. I mean, I want to just make something for you. Sorry... didn't mean to cast a dark shadow." She kisses my cheek.
"Okay... thanks baby. I love that you made this for me and as for Kate she better not break Elliot's heart. The guy is a goner."
"Oh no, she won't. I mean, I've never seen her this smitten... ever. Those two hoes are meant for each other. Kate was Elliot at one point but then she changed and started to focus more on working, Elliot is like her first serious boyfriend in... years."
"Interesting. I mean, I can tell that Kate is very self-aware but I wouldn't have guessed that."
"Yeah, life throws you a punch and you take a step back and learn to reassess stuff... anyway, how do you like it? It's okay if you don't. It's very rich and not everyone's cup of tea."
"I love it Ana. Yes it is very rich, but it's delicious."
She gives me a quick kiss. "You know, I always wanted this."
"What baby?"
"This. Sitting on the kitchen counter and eating fatty foods with someone I love." She smiles.
"Simple things?"
"Yeah, stuff like this, just watching tv together, making out on the couch like teenagers."
"You never made out with anyone?" I ask, hoping the answer is no.
"Nope. No one every noticed me in high school. So I was like, when I grow up... I'll do xyz" She laughs but I can sense her sadness.
"What about you, you probably had a kissing booth in high school. All the girls, wanting to get a makeout seesion with 'The Christian Grey'."
I snort. "I had no interest in that shit." Yeah cause you were fucking a married woman who taught you that affection was overrated.
"Wait a second, with a face like that and..." She waves her hands up and down "god gifted equipment, you denied the masses?"
"I'm sorry, did you just refer to my nether regions as equipment Miss Steele?" I feign shock.
She giggles and it turns in to full blown laughter. "I...I ... I'm so sorry Mr. Grey, I totally meant it as a compliment..." she can't stop laughing and I join her too and kiss her forehead.
"Baby, this equipment is gong to have a field day with you."
"Bring it on, Grey. I've done my stretches" She winks and gives me a quick kiss.
We continue to talk for a bit and suddenly I hear the elevator ping. Who the fuck could it be at this time? Ana jumps of the counter and we walk around the kitchen island and my heart drops into my stomach.
FUCK.
I see Elena with a young brunette walk in. She clocks me and walks straight at me. Ana looks at me confused and looks back at Elena with the young brunette. Fuck me. I completely forgot to change her code for the elevator.
"Elena, what the fuck is this?"
"Christian, darling, is that how you greet an old friend?" She looks to Ana. "You already have a new submissive? You should've just told me, I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of bringing you a new prospective, are you using a different agency? Honestly, I'm offended."
"Elena, this is my girlfriend, Anastasia, we met a couple of weeks ago at the Wetherington wedding. I told you I was no longer interested, can't you take a fucking hint?" I say with finality, trying to send her the message to back the fuck down and walk away.
Elena raises her eyebrows and looks Ana up and down. "Girlfriend?" She laughs out loud. God, I have always hated that fake ass display of hers. "I'm sorry, this is a joke right, this is most definitely a scene because you don't do the girlfriend thing. Christian Grey, you are losing your edge. I taught you better. I mean she's alright I guess..."
"Fuck off Elena, get the fuck out of here I mean it." I'm seething and this bitch won't get the message. I see Ana take a step back with tears in her eyes. Fuck, fuck, this is not how she was supposed to find out.
"Christian, what the hell is this?" She asks, her voice wavering. "Baby, I'll explain everything. Elena, LEAVE."
Elena takes the manila folder from the prospective submissive who has her eyes cast down. She throws it to the counter beside Ana. "Here, keep this for when you get bored of her."
"ELENA, GET OUT BEFORE I DRAG YOU BY YOUR HAIR AND THROW YOU OUT." I scream at her and I can finally see the fear in her eyes. She drags the submissive by the arms and walks towards the elevator. I try to get my breathing under control.
Shit. Ana. I look towards her and her eyes are cast down. She's deathly quiet and I can see tears falling from her eyes. She turns around to pick up the manila envelope. Fuck, no.
"Baby, please listen to me, I can explain. Forget that envelope." I plead as I reach out to touch her.
"Don't you dare touch me." She says with a calm and chilling voice as she proceeds to open the envelope. It's a copy of the submissive's personal information, and her signed contract with all her hard and soft limits, FUCK. Ana reads through it for what seems like an eternity and her hands flies to her mouth and she lets out a stifled sob.
"What the hell is this Christian? Is this a joke? What the fuck is a playroom? I need an explanation." Ana looks to me with disgust as she shivers.
"Baby, I've been meaning to tell you but I just never found the right moment." I stammer Fuck this is difficult.
"Well the moment found you, SO. FUCKING. TELL. ME." She yells at me.
I tell her about how Elena roped me into the lifestyle at 15 and that when I stopped being her submissive and ventured out on my own and became successful in business, I started having submissives of my own and that this is what I meant by having private contractual sexual relationships.
She asks me about the contract and all the soft limit and hard limit stuff. I tell her about the playroom and how the whole arrangement works and she demands to see it. I reluctantly take her upstairs and show her the sub's room where they stay for the weekend and then I walk her towards the door of the playroom. Every fiber of my being is telling me to run and not open it but it's now or never. I open the door and she walks in as the lights come on.
She's not crying anymore. She's just lost. She walks around the room in a daze. Eyes wide open, looking all around.
"This is what you do to women, you hurt them?" I hear the fear in her voice.
"No baby, it's not all about pain, it's also about pleasure too. I know this looks scary but I promise you it's not." I try to reason with her but I'm lying to the both of us. I know it.
"How many women have been here?"
"17." Fuck. She's going to run.
Her eyes fall to the ground. "Did you wanted this for me? Was I supposed to be number 18?" She asks in the smallest voice.
"Initially yes, when I met you at GEH but then when I saw you that Friday at the wedding, you blew me away. The idea of an arrangement like this with you seemed so unnatural. When I kissed you and we spent that night together, my life changed Ana. You have to believe me."
"You wanted to hurt me?" She looks up to me with eyes wide open. No longer crying. "You wanted to do all of this to me? I was going to be number 18? What did I do to deserve that?" She asks in the smallest voice like a child.
I reach out to her and she recoils and takes a few steps back.
"Why do you hate me so much? What have I ever done to you?" She starts to shake her head in confusion. "You hurt them and then they wake up and don't remember anything. They are in so much pain. They cry. They are in so much pain." She rambles on and on. FUCK, is this what Kate meant by her state? She makes her way out of the room, walking aimlessly and rambling on. I rush behind her, closing the door.
"They wake up and they are bleeding. They are in so much pain. They cry and cry. They are so hurt." She continues to say as she walks. Her voice is so small and broken.
She makes her way slowly down the stairs and walks towards the couches and sits down. I follow her and kneel in front of her. Her eyes are vacant. She stares straight ahead.
"Ana baby, Ana look at me." She doesn't respond. She doesn't move. I hold her hand and she doesn't respond. She's just lifeless, staring into space.
"Fuck. No, Ana, no. Please come back to me." I pull my phone out and call Kate.
(to be continued...)
Authors Note: And so, the drama begins. Any guesses what will happen next?
Music:
In the End - Vanessa Carlton
Latch - Daniela Andrade
How Deep is Your Love - The Bird and the Bee.
Here's Where We Begin - Josha Radin
7 Rings - Ariana Grande
All I Ask of You - Emmy Rossum & Patrick Wilson OST Phantom of the Opera.
