"The imminent talk"
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Kotoko was in the final exams, studying and trying her best to pass with better grades than the previous times that ended in disastrous results for her self-esteem.
Being effective at work without doing your best, was equivalent to not being an effective person in every sense of the word; At least that was what Kotoko believed for those extremes.
Being a good student did not happen overnight, but was a strenuous job that implied perseverance and dedication on your part. Nothing and no one would take him away from finding his own place in the path of literature even though at the beginning it was not a career that gave him satisfaction and feelings of joy, but nevertheless, with the recent semester, literature was soon becoming an area of Your interest, and therefore, to your liking.
Soon the holidays would arrive and finally there would be a well-deserved rest after so much effort and dedication to the school, where by good fortune the rewards began to be visible. It was all worth it.
Kotoko smiled every time she delivered a job well done, and the professor praised her in surprise at her hidden talent for writing writings; In itself, it was an amazing feeling for her.
Just if she began to see the fruits of her work, some already noticed her writing talent for others, although at first she did not believe it possible, now that the professors often told her, she already believed it real.
What her teachers didn't know about Kotoko, was very simple; they didn't know that she was not a person who always received praise in her work and homework, nor was she congratulated for taking excellent exam grades, and being so, they didn't know the story behind the engine of her effort.
That which drove her to be better.
And that was a secret that didn't deserve to be told.
Those two months were refreshing, like a gentle breeze caressing her face on a cold morning. However, seeing it with those eyes didn't imply being out of negative stimuli that bombarded it every so often.
The bad comments that Matsumoto threw at her remained almost intact, although her insults had diminished, she was not exempt from hearing them at least once a week.
Sudou treated her well, they saw each other frequently in college and talked quite often, because for her, he was a good guy and made him laugh, thus forgetting the stress of performing perfectly in school.
Everything circulated well, for a long time and flying over positive energy, but there was always the imminent possibility of a problem getting in her way, like a stone, or rather, a rock falling from a mountain until it was stamped with your face.
On one of those days, Naoki approached her when she had left the cafeteria to take a seat on one of the benches in the public park that was relatively close.
About two blocks, maybe.
Naoki looked just as attractive as she remembered. His gray eyes still maintained that intense adjective that characterized him, his serious and authoritative voice, his great aristocratic bearing over his eager attitude wasted with his excessive particularity that was called "pride."
That pride that always surrounded him and was for others, a defect in his person, far from being considered a quality.
"Kotoko" He said in his low voice, exalting her from her quiet night walk.
"What do you want?" She replied, recovering from the fright.
He saw her intensely, a vague hope that he would let her be alone for as long as she wanted.
"Can I know why you have been evading me?" He demanded to know, approaching her in a demanding attitude. Kotoko stepped back, feeling threatened with his approach.
"Sorry?"
"Don't pretend you haven't been doing it" He said bothered.
With what right was he offended?
"You go through medical school" He explained irritably. "And when I'm going to get close, you walk faster, moving away. What the hell is that?"
That's what he meant, Kotoko thought, Irie-kun doesn't like to be ignored.
"Nothing." She played, releasing a simple selfless snort; irritating his former love more.
She was having fun doing that.
"Since when are you like that?" He was exasperated, as expected.
"Like what?" She challenged him with her eyes, raising her chin slightly.
"So indifferent to me," he simplified, wrinkling his eyebrows. "It's annoying that you don't let me approach you, Kotoko, you weren't like that before."
"I know." She responded immediately in a defiant tone.
Naoki looked at her incredulously, opening his mouth a little, without expecting her attitude.
"Come back to the one before" He asked, pointing at her "The Kotoko that I know is not like that, she is different"
A chill struck her mind, remembering the ancient Kotoko that surrendered to him, at his cold will and allowed herself to be mistreated excessively by his tricks. Kotoko hated her old self, she also hated to be the same as before.
The innocent girl who was to live bad luck.
"You mean you just noticed me for being a fool?" She supposed.
"No…" He doubted.
If he doubted it meant that perhaps her assumption was correct. Kotoko would keep trying until she got to the point.
"If I change, will you treat me well?"
"What?" He made a harassed gesture.
Kotoko smiled sideways; She was liking doing that with him.
"If I go home, would you be happy?" She figured a mischievous smile, even daring to cross her arms, stepping forward.
"Of course" He replied pleased. "I'd love to have you back home; but" He stopped "Can I know why you are asking me so many questions? "
"For no reason." She pretended not to know. "It's just pure curiosity, nothing more."
"Well, if it works for you to understand me" He said nodding. "Then it's okay"
Kotoko clicked her tongue.
"What was the Kotoko from before?" She tried in a playful gesture.
Naoki stopped a few seconds, to say:
"The Kotoko from before was very scandalous" He began in a gesture of remembering her. "She always followed me and chased me wherever I went, her notes are also fatal, she was innocent, she was very attentive to me and she never ignored me." The 'she never ignored me',he emphasized, creating a tense atmosphere between the two.
Kotoko was beginning to understand the complexity of the situation, that complexity that made up the supposed love Naoki felt for her; it consisted of a dependency, and that same one bordering it to look for it again, because this dependence gave him security and a feeling of calmness, something that now he sought to obtain again.
She was already understanding everything little by little, and in doing so, she felt intrigue and some fear. They were normal feelings.
"I understand" She sighed resignedly.
"What did you understand?" Naoki asked, puzzled, a dose of fear was perceived in his tone. She raised an eyebrow. "Kotoko?"
"I'm just saying that I understood what you meant" She said simply.
"So" He supposed somewhat pleased. "Will you return with us?"
"I didn't say that" She replied, shaking her head in denial. "I just need to remember the past to know that returning with you is not an option that is in mind, on the contrary, I am seeking independence and obtaining an exchange grant to improve my studies"
"What?" Naoki snapped incredulously. "Why do you want to go? And what about Oji-san?"
"Don't put my father in this" She warned with a frown; it was annoying that he got her father into matters that needed resolution between them, and no one should interfere in that.
The genius blinked.
"But, are you going to leave everything to go?" He kept trying to tie up ends. "I don't understand anything, Kotoko" He expressed frustrated. "What am I supposed to do? I ... I don't know what to do anymore"
"That's not up to me to tell you" Kotoko said, feeling for the first time, that she had control of the situation, and it wasn't the other way around. Was this what Naoki felt when he humiliated her? This feeling let's say, of triumph?
"What made you become this way, Kotoko?" He questioned defeated.
"You" She responded by inertia. "You taught me how to be like this"
"Kotoko" He pronounced unpleasant. In his eyes, she could see, the clear reflection of the confusion, of not knowing how to act from now on, the bewilderment of the future and its other events.
So now you feel the sensation of not knowing what follows next, right? She thought about him, you know what I went through you and everything that supports so that you will love me too.
"I gave you many opportunities, Irie-kun" She pointed out. "Many! But I don't have the patience to wait for you a lifetime to love me back"
"But I love you"
"You haven't understood anything" She rebuked hurt. "You don't know what it is to feel humiliated by the person you love, or that he rejects you again and again and again until you no longer have the strength to continue, but you always want to believe that there is a light on the road, a drop of hope that makes you want to keep doing it, to follow behind that person because at some point he will turn around and finally see you"
"Yes, I know what it is like to feel that way" He complained. "You've rejected me many times since I chase you and evade me." He stepped forward, shaking his arm to the side. "You're not as mature as you think, Kotoko, for me you're still the same girl who gave me that letter in high school and that I cruelly pushed aside due to my pride"
"Do you imply that I have not matured?" She said back, paying him with the same coin as him.
"I can't be clearer" He snorted grumbling. "And what do you say, Kotoko? Stop thinking about it and tell me yes, I know you still feel things for me."
Kotoko felt the blood boil to her gut, bubbling in full effervescence screaming for bursting.
He hinted that she hadn't matured?
She no longer lay down on the ground to crawl through him, she had already abandoned that quality in her person. If that was how Naoki saw her, then it made no sense to forgive him after all, it made no sense to have loved him for so long, for her mere existence was not worth enough for him.
She simply had the courage of a silly girl for him, the one with the bad luck.
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P.D. A new chapter finally published and made. Sorry it took me some time, but please enjoy it.
