October 13th,

It's not on a Friday this year, but that's irrelevant. How cursed could you get, shut up in here? I've begun hiding my diary when Heidi comes in. I have a suspicion she's trying to steal it, or spy on me. It doesn't help I've seen her talking with Caius. For all I know, she already has read it, and all of them have stood together, laughing over my pitiful aches and pains. The thought fills me with revulsion. It's bad enough Aro has read my mind, probing into my past. I don't want him reading these pages—reading about Mom and Dad. Although I seemed to doomed to suffer, the least I can do is protect them. Keep their memories from devil's fingers…

An hour later…

Not again. Oh, please, God, not again. Someone's knocking at the door, and I can hear Felix's deep voice vibrating through the wood. I won't go. I'll fight them… I'll do anythi

October 15th,

So much pain. I don't even have the strength to cry… to write…

October 16th,

The last entry is blotted, but not by my tears. I didn't have the strength, remember? They fell down my face—only it wasn't my face—and dripped onto words I scarcely saw. Renata has given me a fresh pen, and the ink bubbles up like blood from the nib.

Save your breath. It wasn't blood this time. My torturer is creative. He used the last thing I expected—the last thing I would have guessed from a vampire. Do they not burn? I remember thinking. Are they not terrified by flame? They seem to have no weaknesses… no feeling… I remember thinking this, and Caius' grin of delight as I let out my first scream…

I can't write like this. I'm torturing you, and I'm torturing myself. It's easier to think it out carefully and tell it to myself as if I were only an observer. As if I stood there, watching myself, like an out-of-body experience.

Yes. I will tell it like that.

Caius was happy to see her. She was less-than-delighted, of course, but he didn't notice. He ran his cold fingers down her skin, examining the shallow, pink lines. "It's hardly noticeable," he said, frowning. "I shan't use that method again. Gentlemen, go ahead."

She struggled a little, as was only natural, but they had her chained soon enough. The iron had obviously been pulled tighter, for it dug into her skin (later on, it would fester, encircling her wrist and ankles with raw, hideous marks).

"You've fed, I hope?" Caius asked. She looked up, thinking he spoke to her, but he was looking at the guards. Felix mumbled something, and she saw the black of his eyes.

"You know better, Felix," his master said coldly. "Be grateful she isn't bleeding today."

The girl sighed. Her relief was short-lived, however. The white-haired vampire was humming, running his fingers along a different set of tools. Her blood chilled as he touched a sharp, ax-like object. Then his hand moved away.

"Pity she's a woman," he murmured. He walked further, past the guards. He stopped before the desk, where the candles lay, and gleefully lit a match. The box was torn open, the candle was lit, and he glided towards her with careful steps.

"Do you fancy fire?" he said politely, as if conversing with a stranger. The flame reflected in his glassy eyes. He seemed to delight in it, passing a finger through it occasionally.

"Not really," the girl whispered. She could feel her heart hammering against her ribs.

"Pity," he answered. "For the fire seems to fancy you."

He brought it towards her face, letting the wax drip down the edges. A drop fell by her foot, brushing the skin, and she stifled a cry of pain. She flattened herself against the wall, saying something unintelligible.

"What was that, dear?" he asked.

"The whip!" she stammered. "Please!"

Caius laughed. "Do you hear that, gentlemen?" he said, turning slightly. "She begs for torture!"

Their answering laughter was lost on her ears. The wax was very hot now. It oozed down the candle, which was brought ever closer to her face.

"Please!" she begged. "Please don't!"

Caius was fascinated. Lifting the flame, he brushed it down her outstretched arm, going as slowly as possible. She bit her tongue, tears squeezing from her eyes. He repeated the action on the other arm, singing the tips of her fingers. She sobbed like a child, but she did not scream.

Caius stepped back, frustrated. Her flesh was bright pink, blistering in some areas, but not severely. It was obvious she wouldn't die today. She wondered, through the pain, if he'd promised Aro, and that's why he was so tentative.

"Take this," he ordered, holding out the candle. Felix snatched it, dousing the wax quickly in a basin of water. She saw Caius' hands—they were covered in a strange, gooey substance. She was having trouble concentrating. He reached out to her, and his hands clapped firmly on each side of her face.

She screamed. She screamed until her voice cracked, and even then she was making terrible sounds; sounds that would make a strong man cry. His hands, hot with wax, released her face, and the pain was even worse. Her skin writhed and burned under this new infliction. She could feel her hair, sticky with sweat, brushing the exposure. The room was rank with the smell of burnt hair… burnt flesh. She screamed again.

Caius sighed delightedly, and she heard a splashing sound as he cleansed his hands. He was talking to her. "Usually I wait for fire, my dear, it being my favorite, but I confess you were irritating me. I can usually make a human scream in one session."

"Oh, God," she moaned.

"No," he said, smiling sweetly. "None of that, please. There is no God in hell."

They didn't release her immediately this time. They let her hang there, writhing in her pain, for at least another hour. Then Caius returned, only to empty the basin of water tauntingly at her feet. He watched her lips, cracked and desperate, and the raw curling of her skin, and smiled.

"I had to let go quickly, you see," he said suddenly. "If I didn't, it would have harmed me, as well… only less painfully." He smiled. "Of course."

Then he left again, and she hung there until Aro's guard came, bathing her body in warm water.

That is all.

October 17th,

That mirror again. It's a good thing I'm still too weak to stand, or I'd have to see myself. I already have, once. I saw my reflection as Renata led me out the door. I looked like something from the Twilight Zone, with two red handprints branded on my face. Renata had to cut my hair to shoulder length, as the smell was growing unbearable. She said Aro would come to see me today, although she doesn't know when.

I could care less. When I told her that, she shook her head. "Please don't antagonize him, Aster," she begged. "It will save you a great deal of pain."

I smiled, my face ghastly. "Too late for that."

She removed a poultice from my leg, replacing it with a fresh one. "Oh, and stay away from Heidi. I think she's growing jealous of you."

"Jealous?" I winced as she touched my face. "What kind of crap is that?"

"You're getting all the attention. She was quite a bit in Aro's favor before you came, and now he's disregarded her to observe you."

"I don't need to avoid her. She does that well enough."

"Good. You'll have one less enemy then." Her fingers danced lightly across my skin, patting the burns with cool water.

My throat felt tight. "I'm lucky to have your friendship, Renata."

She smiled at me. "You know you are."

October 18th,

I'm in shock. My body shows no visible damage, and yet I feel naked; stripped of my soul and all else. The tears keep coming, until I don't have strength to cry. "How dare you," I whisper. "How dare you, how dare you…"

Yes, he dared.

Late last night—possibly early morning—I was asleep. The pain had finally faded to a dull throb, and I was able to snatch a few hours of rest. These were disrupted, rudely, by a sudden force ripping off the blanket. A sharp voice spoke to me. I sat up, leaning on my elbow. My eyes were blurry with sleep. "What?" I demanded.

"Get up."

Ice shot down my spine. It was Aro, and his face was livid. "Get up!" he repeated.

I obeyed him, stumbling to my feet. "What do you want?" I was in too much pain and too sleepy to think of a snide remark.

He leaned towards me, forcing me against the wall. "You think yourself very clever, don't you?" he hissed. "You think you can make a fool of me, of all of us, with your stubborn bullheadedness?"

I had never seen him like this. Gone was the politeness. Gone was the inane personality. A monster stood before me.

"Are you listening, my love?" he leered. His hand seized my chin. "Answer me!"

I stared up at him. He grabbed my shoulder, flinging me away from him. I landed on the bed, unhurt but terrified.

"Why?" he snapped. "Why are you being so difficult?" I tried to rise, but he was on top of me, pinning me down. "I offer you immortality, and this is how you repay me?"

"Not all of us want it," I gasped, finding my voice.

He ran a hand down my throat. "I could do it, you know," he whispered. "I could change you, right here, and no one would be the wiser. You would be one of us in a moment."

"But you won't," I challenged. "You won't, because it will be like Marcus all over again."

He froze. "What do you know of Marcus?"

"Nothing, but I saw… He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to kill. It's there, in his eyes."

Aro relaxed, for some reason. "Clever girl," he said. He shifted his weight, keeping a firm grasp on my body. My burns were aching under his touch. "So you refuse me still?" he whispered.

"Yes!"

Both his hands rose, stroking my throat. It was a soothing gesture, but it did not dispel my revulsion. "You hate me," he murmured, his voice hypnotic. "You think us murderers. You would die suffering, rather than join us. Don't deny it! I have all your secrets, Aster." He bent down, breathing against me softly. "You have satisfied Caius, and by God, you are going to satisfy me."

His face was very close. I heard something rip. My body jerked instinctively, and I pounded my fists against his chest. I remember how terrified I felt. He was going to rape me. I was sure of it.

He chuckled into my neck. "Calm yourself, precious. It's not your body I'm after… well, not all of it, anyway."

"Get off me!" I screamed.

My frantic attempts only brought him closer. "I must give Caius credit," he murmured. "He left your throat untainted. You're so sweet, Aster. So sweet… so young… so desirable…"

His grip grew tighter and tighter, and I felt as if I were encircled in the arms of Hell. He bent again to my neck, and I thought he meant to kiss it. Imagine my horror when his teeth dug into me, gashing the vein like an animal.

I didn't scream. I couldn't.

I remember the horror, yes, but above all, I remember my utter helplessness. A strange, lethargic feeling spread over me, and I felt my head drop back against his arm. Images flashed before my eyes—as terrible as they were vivid—and I saw myself lying on a marble floor, drowning in my own blood. The Volturi coven crouched around me, tongues licking teeth. But it was their master who had his fill. It was their master alone who held me.

"Ah…" Aro said softly. He sipped at my throat like it was nectar, groaning with delight. His mouth moved silently, something Italian. I laid there; helpless, immobile. When he released his grip, breathing deeply, I pushed away. My body hit the floor, but I stood again, grasping the walls for support. I could hear him laughing behind me.

"You won't leave," he said mockingly. "You haven't the energy, my pet."

He was right. I collapsed, five feet from the door. Maybe if I crawled… But he was in front of me. He lifted my body, and I hadn't the strength to fight. His mouth found me again, and my throat began to burn. "Aster," he purred. "My little star…"

I began to cry—wrenching sobs that weren't mine. That was my father's name for me. His and no one else's. My mother had many endearments, but that was his alone. His star…

"Stop," I sobbed. "Stop calling me that."

"Why, my love?" He sucked my neck, caressing me. "Because it was your father's? He is dead, Aster. He is dead, and cannot help you."

I remember trying to speak, trying to hit him, but it was like when I'd fainted before. The ceiling and ground came together, crushing me, and I forgot everything. When I came to, hours later, the room was pitch black, and I was entirely alone.

I can't write anymore.

October 19th,

My neck hurts. My body hurts. I think I've grown accustomed to pain, and then something else happens. "What now?" I want to scream. "What will you do to me now?!" There is no answer. There is nothing but pain. I swear Aro is keeping Renata from me.

I am alone.