So Cold

We went inside a private office. It's one of the rooms in the venue. I'm smiling the whole time since we left Mrs. Aguria and Professor Milkovich when mommy turned to me. Her expression doesn't look good. I caught so many emotions in her eyes — defeat, pitty, and anger.

"The press are looking at you too much. Ashley doesn't like it."

My smile faded. Mommy crossed her arms at her chest while leaning on the huge table inside the office. I took a step closer towards her but decided not to close the gap between the two of us.

"It's my friend Max, mom. That's nothing compared to the eyes of the people looking at her works. The guests went here for her exhibit." I don't know if what I said is right...

"I know, Lucy..." the feeling of defeat remained plastered in mom's face.

Me, on the other hand, is feeling nothing but bitterness. I know where this is going. This is not the first time.

"Your sister is not happy. I just want Ashley to be happy," she softly explained.

I felt something pinched my heart because of what she said. I want Ashley to be happy too. What do I need to do just to make her happy?

"I want her to be happy too, mom. I tried everything I could. I came here to check if the people I invited are here..." I said.

"You can check it through text. I'll reply to you, Lucy..." I felt the blame on mom's voice.

My breath hitched. How I wish I'm dumb and numb for me not to understand what she wants to say.

"Mom, I tried everything I could. I thought my moral support would be a little help!" I insisted.

The door of the private office slammed open which made me look at it. Ashley is standing their while glaring at me.

"Help?" She started.

I saw the fiery anger in her eyes. Her fair skin turned red and her eyes were pitch black.

I backed away.

"You are not helping me! You love the spotlight so much that you even went here to steal it!" She shouted.

My heartbeat became loud because of the nervousness and irritation which is starting to form in me. Even back then, I know she's a little bit spoiled. I also know that we never became the same because all her needs were given t her. She has a mommy and a daddy who are always there for her. She gets everything she wants. I took it all in. I accepted it all. That we are different because she has a complete family.

"It's not that, Ashley! I checked if the businessmen we invited-"

"This isn't your exhibit, Lucy! You're not needed here!" Ashley shouted at me.

Mommy immediately went to her side. She touched her arms to calm her down but it only seemed to fuel my sister more.

"Ashley, don't shout at your sister..." ani mommy.

"No, mom! She likes the spotlight so much! She wants the attention! She knows about the media so she insisted on coming! She wants to prove that she's a better artist than me! What kind of sister would do that?"

My cheeks burned because of what she said. I couldn't believe it! I know my parents has shortcomings to me. I craved for their attention, alright. But I never craved for it at this point! I couldn't do that! Ashley's imagination is this wild for her to conclude these things in her own exhibit.

I can shout at her and leave but I didn't do it. I need to let it out. All those times, I wasted my chances and kept silent instead of telling them how I feel. It ends now.

"I came here to check on the event, Ashley!" I shouted back at her, "I tried everything just to make this exhibit successful and yet you give me that remark!? I'm here for your exhibit! Not for the stupid spotlight you're telling me! Can't you see-"

"So you're saying that I owe that to you? Because you're the one who invited the big corporations, huh? You really love the damn spotlight, huh, Lucy?" She shook her head.

"I don't need the damn spotlight, Ashley! I don't know where you got that idea!"

"You're the one who's thirsty for attention! Mommy couldn't give it to you so you're asking it for other people! If you want the damn attention, go to other places and don't seek for it in my exhibit!"

The corner of my eyes felt hot. Not because I'm emotional but because I am very angry. I have been very patient. Everything I've been through, everything I've felt because of my parents' shortcomings, I just accepted all of it and said nothing.

"Ashley, that's enough..." mommy consoled my furious sister.

My eyes squinted. The tears in the corner of my eyes are begging to fall but I prevented it from doing so. I want to see how my mother will defend me somehow.

"Lucy..." mommy turned to me with a defeated expression. "Can you please leave? I'll call you soon. I don't want to ruin Ashley's exhibit just because of this. Please?"

The tiniest bit of patience that was left in me disappeared because of what my mom said. I can't believe it! I looked how mom is consoling Ashley by softly touching her arms. I observed how she comfort my sister. I stared at how my mother looks at my sister using her gentle and loving eyes. I've never seen that expression directed at me. Never. Not even once. Not even when I became sick when I was still a child. Not even when I called and begged for her when I couldn't bear with the pain anymore. Never.

Hot tears started to stream down my cheeks. Ashley pointed her finger at me. All the hate in her eyes were like daggers thrown at me.

"And you're crying? You're trying to catch the attention of other people!? So when you leave, they'll see you crying! You're going to make it to the headlines of those stupid newspapers because of your tears!"

"How dare you say that!" I shouted and took a step closer.

I clearly saw the warning in her eyes. The need to voice out all my thoughts never hit me this hard before.

"I came here to see if your exhibit's alright! If I really wanted attention, I should've organized my own exhibit, Ashley! I am not going to steal something from you! I know there are many things that I don't have in my life but I never thought of begging for it nor stealing just to satisfy myself! I tried understanding everything! I understand everything!" I shouted while my vision blurred because of my tears.

I wiped my cheeks. I don't want to cry but the irritation and anger is too much for me. I know I can do nothing about her opinion which just angered me more. I can't believe that's her opinion of me.

"Lucy! Just leave!" Mom said when she realised I'm not finished.

I turned to her. I never told her about these things. All my life, I have been very patient and content. I've always been contented with anything that mommy and daddy can give to me. But this time... I can't stop myself from speaking out!

"And you, mom! After you asked for my help, you'll give me this? I don't want to count things but it hurts! It hurts so much! I just want you to realise everything. I want you to see everything that I'm doing for you, for my family, but you couldn't so here I am to tell you, hoping maybe you'll realise it!"

I tried catching my breath. If only I can set aside these emotions, I would have done it earlier and just leave.

"I tried everything! I did everything! And I never asked you for anything just to make you see all I've done! All I wanted was the damn respect! I am your daughter, mom! I am your child!" I reminded her.

Her mouth closed and avoided my eyes. Her hands is still lightly toucher Ashley's arms to comfort her. I don't want to admit it but I'm jealous. She's giving all her love to Ashley and leaves nothing for me, even leftovers!

"I went here to check if it's all okay! Because I helped you! Then now, you're asking me to leave for stupid reasons? Reasons that I've never even thought of? Yes! I will leave!"

"Then why don't you leave now?" Ashley crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at me.

I gritted my teeth. Lucy, she's just spoiled. She's used to get everything she wants. But is that enough reason to hurt me this much?

"And you, Ashley! I am doing my best for all of these. I am trying to understand you. Please, don't think ill of what I'm doing. I don't have any hidden agenda. This is purely for you-"

"If it's for me, Lucy, then why do you need to entertain the reporters? Why are you being nice to them? Just say that you ate unconsciously craving for their attention!"

I forcefully closed my eyes. My hands are shaking. I badly wanted to shout all my frustrations but I just can't do it.

"I am trying to be nice! Those were my friends, Ashley! Can't you see? Can't you see, Ashley? If I wanted attention, then I should've organised my own exhibit!"

She cut me off but I ignored her, "I gave up painting because you love it! I gave it up because mommy wants you to excel! My passion, Ash, I gave it up for you! Can't you still see it?" I felt weak.

She rolled her eyes and turned her back. Mommy took a step but I raised a hand to prevent her from getting closer to me.

"You don't have to ask me again. I will leave!"

I turned my back on the both of them. I wiped my tears while leaving the private room. I don't care how I look right now, I just want to be out of here. I hope no one notices me.

My walk was rather fast while talking the path where the paintings are displayed. I didn't turn my head even if I heard my name being called. I don't want the media to notice my eyes.

I almost ran. When I'm almost at the exit, I remembered not bringing my car. I should've brought my car! I should've driven here instead of taking a hitch with Natsu.

The valet went to me. Natsu's Mustang is already in front. I shook my head. Maybe he's thinking that Natsu would leave now that's why he brought the car here.

"I'm gonna go find a cab. Mr. Dragneel's still inside the venue..."

"Where are you going?" Natsu's hoarse voice reached my ears.

I almost cursed. I didn't turn to look at him because I don't want him to see my eyes. What we have is purely physical. Emotions and personal life are out of the question.

"I'm going home," I said without looking at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice is now near.

The sounds of my heartbeat thundered. I don't know what's the problem but it sure is beating so fast.

He touched my arms and forced me to turn my body to face him. I quickly avoided his face, still stubborn to look at him.

"You cried?" he asked, voice is deep.

I looked at him. I have no escape now.

"It's nothing. Just a family thing."

"You'll leave your sister's exhibit?" he asked with serious eyes.

"You can stay here if you want. I need to go. I need to go home."

He didn't talk. I looked at him. His silence is confusing. He's just looking at me with serious eyes. It's like he's weighing and guessing my thoughts. I smiled so tell him that I'm fine.

"I'll drive you home..."

I quickly disagreed, "You really don't have too. Your cousin is there, right? And besides, what about the exhibit?"

"I'm gonna buy one of your sister's paintings, if that's what you're talking about."

I swallowed "Which of it?"

"I don't know. I'll buy anything. If you want to go home, we will go home."

My heart warmed, opposite of the cold that we're feeling outside the venue because of the night breeze, opposite of the feeling of how my mother treats me.

"Natsu, I want to sleep in my condo. I'm tired. It's a Monday. It's not the weekends. I just came from work and I still have work tomorrow — "

"Then you sleep in your condo. I didn't say that we'll do anything. Stop thinking too much, Lucy."

I took a deep breath before slowly nodding. He's right. I should stop overthinking. I should just be glad that he offered me a ride.

He opened the door of his car. I entered and started setting my seatbelt. He walked to the driver's seat.

I took my phone from my bag. He started driving while I'm busy typing for a message for mommy.

Me:

Mom, I'm sorry for what happened. Sorry for what I've said. I'm sorry.

I feel like something is stuck in my throat. I couldn't swallow properly. I opened Ashley's number and sent her a text message.

Me:

Ashley, I'm sorry. Hope we'll talk again soon.

I bit my lip. Family is all I got. Nothing more. And if I would lose them, what would become of me?

"You okay?" Natsu asked. I nodded.

"You fought with your mom?" His voice was cold.

"Just a banter."

I turned to him. He didn't reply anymore. I'm not sure if it's good or bad.

I feel like I would be too scared to tell him what really happened if ever he asked about it. That's not good for our rules. I realised that he knows that fact so when we arrived at my condo, he didn't ask about it anymore.

He escorted me to my unit. I let him come in. I am too tired to shoo him just because we're just in this arrangement.

I tossed my bag to the sofa before taking off my shoes and entering my room. The coldness from the air conditioner embraced me.

"I'll take a hot shower. If you want to go, just please lock the door," I told him.

He shook his head and put his hands in his pockets. His suit is still on and I can't believe I can still think about how hot he is right now. "No. I'll wait till you're done with your shower. I'll tuck you in bed."

I stared at him for a while. I would've argued with him if only I still have the strength to. I'm just too tired for another argument. I just shrugged him off before closing the bathroom's door.

The warm water made me sleepier. I found comfort in it. All my muscles are tired and sore. My eyelids feel heavy. After putting my clothes, I exited the bathroom.

I saw Natsu's back while looking at the frames on my room's wall. In the light pink wallpapers are the pictures that I treasure. There are nine; Me with daddy, Loke, and Virgo; Me with mommy, and Ashley; and many more. By now, he must know why I have so many families but nobody seems to include me in theirs.

He has his arms crossed and his coat that he was wearing earlier is folded neatly in his arms. He turned to me as if he sensed my presence.

"You're done..." he declared.

I nodded and sat on my bed.

He walked towards me. I was almost shocked when I saw him get my comforter.

"You should sleep now..." he said, tone still cold.

I nodded and lied down. I held the other end of my comforter. When the back of my head hit my pillows, he properly fixed the comforter in my body."

"Lights out?" he asked.

"Yes, please... just leave the lamp open, it's what I'm used to."

He nodded and walked to the light's switch. He turned me on. Only the light from the lamp in the table in a distance now illuminates the room.

He opened the door of my room. I'm just staring at him. He's going to leave now.

I'm just staring at him while he proceeded to walk out. I held my lower lip in between my hands. I slightly pinched it. I'm trying to hurt myself so I could ignore that little hurt I'm feeling in my heart.

He let out a deep breath before opening the door again. My heart jumped.

He sat in my bed while taking off his shoes. He put his coat in my cabinet. He started to unbutton his longsleeve and took off his necktie.

"What are you doing?" I asked because of shock.

"I'm gonna sleep here. You look so lonely when you're alone."

I couldn't talk. He took his belt off and lied beside me in his boxers.

My eyes widened because of what he did. He held out his arms. He also pulled me to his body.

"And you're so cold..."

I rested my head in his shoulder and closed my eyes. The tip of my nose is touching his chest.

This is the first time I felt so comfortable in my own bed.