Sonny made his way back into the living room after his much-needed nap. The first thing he noticed was Clay still asleep on the couch and Jason nowhere to be found. After looking around the house for him, he finally checked the backyard and found him sitting on the patio, talking on the phone.
Jason gave Sonny a head nod acknowledging that he seen him and Sonny took a seat next to him. It didn't take long for Sonny to realize Jason was on the phone with his therapist.
Twenty minutes later, Sonny heard Jason thank the therapist and said he would see him soon.
"Dr. Conners?" Sonny asked.
"Yup. He wants to stop by in like an hour." Jason sounded a little dumbfounded.
"Think Clay's gonna be up for that already?" Sonny asked.
"He's gonna have to be. The sooner we jump on top of this, the quicker we can try to get him back to normal." Jason sighed.
Sonny stayed quiet. He wasn't sure if Clay would ever return to his old self and quite frankly, he wouldn't blame him if he didn't. He just didn't have the heart to break his thoughts to Jason yet.
"He still asleep in there?" Jason asked when Sonny didn't reply.
"Sound asleep." Sonny replied.
"Damn. I hate waking him when he's actually getting a good sleep. God knows he probably needs it." Jason rubbed his face.
"Give him another half hour. Maybe he'll wake up by then and we won't have to wake him." Sonny shrugged.
"Yeah, hopefully."
They sat outside for a few more minutes before heading back inside to get things ready. As they approached the half hour mark, Clay was still showing no signs of nightmares or waking up.
"We could just let him sleep until Dr. Conners gets here?" Sonny suggested.
Jason shook his head. "I wanna give him a heads up before he gets here. Don't want Clay thinking we just sprung it on him."
Sonny agreed in a way, just hated waking the kid up when he was finally getting the rest he needed.
As they walked over to the couch, they realized Clay might not be sleeping as peacefully as they thought. His face was scrunched and he was twitching all over, which helped them both feel less bad about waking him up.
Standing at the foot of the couch Sonny starting calling him. "Clay! Come on Clay, wake up."
When he didn't react to his name being called, Jason starting tapping him on the foot.
The combination of being called and have his foot constantly tapped finally brought Clay around, but it wasn't as smooth and relaxed as they hoped. Instead, he flew up and pulled himself away as quick as he could which sent pain spiking throughout his still healing injuries.
Once he realized where he was, he leaned his head into his hands and began fighting tears. Losing the fight, with tears beginning to fall, he finally looked over to Sonny and Jason. "I hate this." He sobbed.
"Hate what?" Jason had an idea, but he took this as a chance for Clay to open up a little.
"Everything. Constantly being on edge, not being able to sleep, the pain, needing a babysitter, not having my own place, all of it." Clay no longer held back his tears.
"Look Clay, it's only temporary. It'll all fade with time, you just gotta let someone in. Talk to someone, which actually brings me to the reason we woke you up." Jason trailed off.
Clay looked over at him, trying to compose himself.
"I talked to my therapist, Dr. Conners while you and Sonny napped." Jason looked down at his watch. "He'll be here in about 15 minutes."
Clay froze when Jason mentioned his therapist stopping by. He knew it was coming, just wasn't expecting it to be so soon.
"You think you're up for it?" Sonny asked, which quickly sent Jason glaring at him.
"Not like I have much of choice." Clay snapped.
"It'll be fine Clay. He's not gonna push for details right away. Just wants to get to know you, build the trust up, and then he'll slowly start to dive in. I'm telling you though, he's easy to talk to. I really think you're gonna like this guy." Jason said.
Clay just glared at Jason. He knew there was no point in arguing and that regardless of anything he said, Dr. Conners was still coming.
When he finally heard the doorbell ring, Clay felt his anxiety start to rise. Jason went to answer the door while Sonny approached Clay, putting his hand on his shoulder. "You'll be ok, blondie. We'll be with you every step of the way.
Clay just nodded and took a deep breath, hoping Sonny was right.
When Jason returned to the living room with Dr. Conners, Clay was a little surprised by his appearance. He wasn't at all what Clay was expecting, definitely didn't look like someone Jason would get along with.
Jason introduced them and then they all headed out the back door to the patio table. Jason thought a little fresh air might do Clay some good and help feel more relaxed.
"So, Clay, why don't you tell me a little about yourself?" Dr. Conners asked.
Clay looked to Jason and Sonny before looking at Dr. Conners. "Like what?"
"I don't know. What you like, where you're from, whatever you feel like telling me."
"Don't you already know all that? I'm sure Jason gave you a full run down before you got here." Clay responded resulting in a glare from Jason.
"He's just trying to make small to Clay, try to be a little open minded." Jason said.
Clay rolled his eyes, gave a half-assed apology and then answered the question. "My dad was…is an asshole. My mom I don't really remember. My dad chose his job over being a father so I was sent to live my grandparents in Liberia. As far as what I like? Right now? There's not much. When I'm awake, I'm in constant pain, I have permanent reminders of the torture all over my body. I'm on more medications than I care to be. I can't sleep without reliving the past year and waking up screaming or crying or sweating or punching someone, I have absolutely no appetite, yet all everyone wants me to do is eat. My job, the only thing I have ever wanted to do with my life, I'm pretty sure I'll never be cleared to return, and honestly, I don't even know if I want to. Oh, and I no longer have my own place and all that's left from my life before I was taken is a few t-shirts in a box. So, you tell me, what exactly am I supposed to 'like' about my life right now?" Clay went off, revealing a lot more than he had anticipated.
Jason and Sonny both looked stunned. They knew things were bad in Clay's head, but they didn't realize how bad. Hearing him admit out loud that he wasn't sure if he wanted to return to Bravo was a total kick to the gut. They all had their thoughts about it, but hearing him say it out loud made it real. And it scared the shit out them. They couldn't imagine Bravo without him. Granted, they've done it for the past year, but this was different. For the last year Clay was dead, they didn't have a choice but to go on without him, but now that they had him back, they couldn't imagine ever running missions without him. They would do whatever it took to get Clay back, to fight for him when he refuses to fight for himself, no matter how long it takes.
"That's a lot to deal with alone Clay, but I promise you, if you let me in, I'll have you back with your team within the year. That is, IF you want to return to the team." Dr. Conners made sure to catch Jason's and Sonny's attention with that sentence. He needed them to understand that regardless of the progress he's hoping to make, Clay will still be a different person. You don't go through the kind of trauma he has and come out the same person you were when you went in. Clay had to make the choice to return to Bravo himself. If anyone on Bravo pushed too hard to try to convince him to rejoin them, there's a good chance Clay would start distancing himself. Right now, he needs support with anything and everything, not pressure to be who he used to be.
Sorry I haven't been able to post as often as I would like to, but I'm trying my best to get these chapters up as quick as I can. The muse has been a little slacker lately, but its starting to pick back up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll try extra hard to try to update more often! Oh, and don't forget to wash your hands and hope everyone's staying healthy with all this craziness going on!
