TOBIAS POV

I sit down at our claimed table across from Zeke, raising an eyebrow at him when I see how he is practically inhaling his burger. When he notices me staring at him with amusement, he glares, confused.

"What?" he asks, but it barely sounds like the word because his mouth is filled. Shauna gives me an apologetic look from her spot next to him.

I shake my head and start cutting into the chicken on my tray. "Nothing."

He swallows and clears his throat when the initiates start filing in and taking a seat at their usual spots. Tris slides in the seat next to mine, and Uriah across from her. Their other friends join them a moment later, and I pretend not to notice, although I am hyper-aware of the way Tris accidentally brushes her thigh against mine when she sits. I nearly choke on my dinner when she does, but contain my reaction.

"So, how are you kids doing?" Zeke questions.

Uriah groans dramatically and presses his face into his palm, his eyes dropping closed. I hear Tris kick his leg underneath the table to get him to wake up and participate in the conversation. "We're fine, Zeke. Just tired," she replies politely.

Shauna passes a soft grin over to her and asks, "Didn't the rankings just get posted?" Ever since Tris stood up against the boys who were bullying her that day in the cafeteria, she has developed a new respect for her, I have noticed. The stigma of Divergent must have brushed off her shoulder when she once again saw Tris for who she really was.

"Don't remind me," Christina snarks. "I dropped like ten places."

"Don't be dramatic," Tris scolds. At Shauna's inquisitive stare, she answers, "Uriah is in first, bumping me down to second. Christina went down two spots."

I haven't had the chance to congratulate Tris on her hard work in competing for her high rank yet today. Making a mental note to do that when we will undoubtedly meet up later tonight, I graze my fingers teasingly against hers under the table. Out of the corner of her eye, I see her bite her lip at this dangerously public action.

"So what's your problem if you're in first place?" Zeke bumps his brother with his shoulder purposefully.

"I'm exhausted!" Uriah fires back. "We haven't had a break in forever. This is worse than the first time."

Tris and I blankly watch the conversation take place. She dares to loosely intertwine our fingers, and I suck in a breath. If anyone happened to glance under the table, they would see us holding hands.

"That's Dauntless initiation, little bro. We've all had to do it."

"Yeah, but you didn't have to patrol in between fear simulations. That's a tiring new addition."

I zone out of their banter when Tris's palm presses insistently against mine. I forgot how much I enjoyed such simple contact; in fact, she is driving me wild.

"You two think you're so sly."

At the sound of Shauna's knowing comment, our hands spring apart, and our eyes snap up to her.

"What?" I ask innocently, concentrating back on my food.

"Did you think nobody would notice that you're holding hands under there?"

I feel the tips of my ears become warm, and Tris's face is tinted pink when I glance over at her. Thanks to Shauna, now every one of our friends knows about our relationship that is suddenly not so secret anymore. Although, I can't blame her. We weren't being too careful about showing affection at the dinner table.

"I knew it!" Christina exclaims two seats down. "I knew you were acting like this because of him!"

"Okay, this isn't a big deal," Tris tries to argue. "We've been together before."

"Yeah, and it's not like this was unexpected," Uriah nods along with her. How did they read into that?

Shauna shakes her head. "But now we don't have to tiptoe around what we say to you both."

"Plus, now Four's moods can level out," Zeke chimes in. At my glower, he dramatically throws his hands up in defense, like I am about to lean over the table and beat him.

That is the main reason I didn't want our relationship to be well-known: if I have a soft spot to be with Tris, an initiate, then the other initiates will realize that they don't have anything to fear from me. This particular group of trainees already has a knack for causing trouble, but if they were to find out that I am subdued in nature, then I would lose my menacing portrayal. On top of that, I don't want Tris's high rank to be taken into question by the other initiates.

So far though, only her friends know about this. And I'd like to keep it this way.

"This doesn't leave this table," I state, leaning past Tris so I can make eye contact with her friends. "Got it?"

Dez gives me a mock salute. Uriah rewards me with a thumbs up.

"Christina," I growl threateningly. She is the first person I would suspect if this got out, with her loud Candor mouth.

"Of course!" she squeaks out. Luckily, I still hold power over her since she is afraid of me to this day.

Before Tris can direct the topic elsewhere, Zeke holds up his cup in a sort of weak toast. "Seriously though, I'm happy for you guys. It's about time," he says with a bubbly grin.

Unable to withstand sneaking glances anymore, I turn my head toward Tris and give her an actual, brief smile this time. She returns it with the same level of enthusiasm, and I wish I could kiss her, at least on the cheek. I wonder what it will be like when we are allowed to be a couple in public; when we were before and returned here from Candor, we weren't exactly on the best of terms, so we haven't had a real chance to be together in our faction.

It makes me regretful, especially because of the fact that we haven't even been on a date among other things. We have not had the opportunity to be two normal teenagers, though I would consider us to be adults despite our young age.

But maybe it is not too late to change that. She is graduating initiation in a few days, and then she will be choosing a job and settling in as an official member. I wonder if she will want to live in her own apartment, or live with me. Obviously I prefer the latter, but the fact that she will be living in the same faction as me from now on makes me relieved.

After being apart for a year, we will finally be close by, at each other's beck and call. It is reassuring.

And as we spend the rest of dinner laughing along with our friends freely, I realize that I can't wait until every meal can be like this, spent with the people who have had our backs in the worst possible scenarios. Except then, I won't hesitate to show her any affection; the war has taught me that I can't pass up any opportunity to.


TRIS POV

Upon arriving at Tobias's apartment, I knock on the door and glance down the hallway. Nobody is there, but my paranoia is sometimes more extreme than his, so I keep the hood of my jacket over my head.

Light spills out into the hallway, and I step inside the apartment quickly before Tobias shuts the door. I kick off my shoes and remove my hood. Unsure of what to say for a moment, I take in his appearance: his thick, slightly curled hair, the curve of his mouth, the way the dim lighting in the room leaves a shadow underneath his sharp jawline. I admire the way his shirt clings to his muscled arms, which are crossed as he leans against the closed door.

"Hi," I say shyly, biting my lip.

"Hey," he returns, stepping forward. He brushes my hair away from my face, and once he skims my cheekbone with his knuckles, he frowns. "What happened to your face? I didn't even notice it until now."

He is referring to the pale bruise that resides on my cheek from Marcus's blow. I try to adapt an aura of embarrassment so that he can't see past my lie. "I don't even want to say. I'm so clumsy that it's humiliating sometimes."

If he doesn't accept the answer, he doesn't say anything. It must be because he seems happy to see me and unwilling to instigate an argument so soon in our newly acquired relationship.

"So I was thinking today," he begins, dropping his hand, "about how you'll be a Dauntless member next week. I know you're my girlfriend now, but I don't want to pressure you into moving in with me if you don't want to. It's still kind of early between us anyway. But I'm just saying, if you want to live here, then that option is always available."

It is adorable to see Tobias sheepishly duck his head while he makes the offer. It reminds me that he hasn't had to ask me questions about rooming together or anything normal because during the war, nothing as trivial as if we slept in the same bed mattered. Still, it feels forced and unnatural.

Not wanting him to doubt himself, I wrap my arms around his neck and ask, "Did I hear you call me your girlfriend, Tobias?" echoing his words from long ago. It seems like such a silly word to apply to us when we are much more to each other.

He lets out a chuckle and plants his hands on my waist. There, that feels better. "I suppose so."

"For the record, I would love to live with you," I say, standing on my tiptoes to kiss him. It gives me a boost of courage, and when I lower myself back to the ground, I decide to get out what I have wanted to tell him for a while. Between standing uneasy before offering me water the other night, and now talking to me like we are brand new to this, he needs some reassurance.

Backing up from him slightly, I start with, "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course," he says.

"I just want to be honest with you. The last few days since we got together, I feel like you are trying to take it a little slow with me, or acting uncertain around me over small things. And you don't have to be like that."

He sighs as if he knows exactly what I mean. "I know. I know you said you wanted us to continue where we left off, but I am trying to be careful, I guess."

"You don't have to," I say, meeting his deep eyes. His left one is still bruised from when I accidentally elbowed him in my sleep a couple nights ago. "We've been through a lot together, Tobias."

"Yeah," he agrees. "But that's the problem. I feel like all of the hell we have had to face together has made us ignorant about what being in a normal relationship or spending every day with each other really means. I don't know what I'm doing; I don't know how to be with you when the world isn't completely falling apart around us."

He has a point, and guilt runs through me when I think that I haven't been fair with him. He is the man in our relationship, so the emphasis of guiding us has naturally fallen upon his shoulders—like taking the step of asking me to move in with him, for example. I should make an effort to be clear with him to take the load off.

"I understand." Reaching out for his hands, I clasp them in between us. "But just remember, even though it may have been during tough times, we are still at that place in this relationship without the chaos."

He nods and stares into my eyes. The energy flowing between us has suddenly skyrocketed by being honest and warming up to each other alone.

"We have slept in the same bed," I remind him. "We have kissed, a lot."

At his mischievous grin, I slide my hands up his chest and lock them around his neck again.

"We have shared the dark parts of each other."

The mood shifts to solemn. I know about his horrific childhood, and he knows that I killed my friend, arguably more than one. I know about his fighting habits, and he knows about my past suicidal tendencies. Our privacy is no longer, except between us.

"We have fought alongside each other, and been tortured together."

The days spent having my mind tormented by Jeanine's cruel simulations seep through my mind. Recalling the relieving moments when I would pass a broken Tobias in the hallway and touch his hand makes my heart clench. With conflicted emotions, I leave a kiss on his neck before recoiling back.

"We have made love."

His eyes flash up to mine at the reminder. That night is somehow blurry and vivid at the same time. My soul was overwhelmed with grief, but I was able to throw it aside for a small amount of time as we gave ourselves to each other. It was guilt-ridden and slightly painful and driven by need, but it was love all the same.

And then I left him, and tainted the moment we shared.

Our breaths mix as we mull over our emotions. We are pressed together, and I think we have the same thing in mind, but this time, I am the one who says it first.

"Tobias," I whisper. "I don't want to pretend like we haven't come this far, like I don't..." I pause.

"Like you don't...what?" he prompts me.

I swallow hard and say the words that have been trapped within me for far too long.

"I love you."

The tenderness in his expression is unmistakable. He slams his lips down onto mine as he backs us up toward his bed. I keep him close even as he sits so that we are at eye-level.

Our mouths move passionately as I help him remove his shirt, but though we have no more time to waste without each other, we are in no hurry. Tobias watches with lustful and loving eyes as I let my jacket fall from my shoulders, followed by my tank top. I have seen too much in my life, damaging me beyond repair and eliminating my innocence. But at least the outside world has taught me that my insecurities about my body are the least of my worries.

All too soon, our lips are calling us back to each other, so we connect them while he makes a pathetic attempt to unhook my bra. We both let out a nervous laugh when he fumbles again before I put him out of his misery and help remove it.

Once it is out of the way, we press ourselves flush together, enjoying the bare skin-on-skin contact. Without the pressure of an ending world, this time we are jittery and worrying about every detail that we weren't thinking about then. It seems like I am about to make every possible mistake, even with the assurance that we have done this before.

We stay like this, contently kissing, for a few minutes. Tobias doesn't seem to be interested in being the one to take it further, so I wait until I build my confidence enough to reach for his waistband. From there it is a dizzy haze of lips and undressing, until I am lying back on the bed with nothing separating us. And despite my earlier thoughts, I still have doubts about my body, and it is enough to force me to try to cover myself.

But as soon as I do, he catches my hands and presses his lips to my forehead, whispering, "Beautiful." It erases any remaining fear and replaces it with two types of desire: one that has to do with physicality, and another that has to do with showing him how much he means to me.

This time is infinitely preferable to the last time. We take it slow, drawing out the pleasure and taking each other to new heights. This time I am not breaking a promise, but rather keeping one, and there are no emotional obstacles dividing us. We become secured again, and this time it is for good; we have learned our lesson.

Our fingers stay interlocked for most of it, but sometimes I can't even bear the amount of space between us that is required for that. So I alternate between holding his hand and clinging to his strong shoulders, struggling closer, closer...

And when we let go, it is a breathtaking moment that I will never forget. Especially when he presses his forehead back to mine and murmurs the words that do nothing to calm my racing heart:

"I love you, too."


Tobias's chest rumbles under my cheek as he speaks, mulling over the time last year when we were sent back to our former factions. I busy myself with tracing the black flames that mark his ribs, listening intently to his inner thoughts and letting the air conditioning cool my skin; I am too comfortable and uncaring about my bareness to reach down and pull the sheets up over me.

"It was strange," he says. "When I came home, I couldn't fall back into place. There was an extensive celebration—you know how the Dauntless are—and then people continued on with their lives, almost as if nothing had happened. Of course, there was a somber aura to the compound that wasn't there before, but it was odd how quickly everyone carried on."

I used to think about him, as much as it sent sharp pangs through my chest to do so. But he was a major part of my life, and it was impossible to just move on. So in the process of returning to my monotonous, Abnegation life, I pondered what he was doing with so much spare time now. I figured that he didn't have any problems, but now he is telling me about how he was drowning after the traumatic events while the people around him were...partying.

He continues, "Zeke and Shauna seemed to understand me, and they were all I had. Uriah picked up his drinking habit after losing Lynn, so we let him join us for meals or whatever we were doing, just to try to wean him off the alcohol. Overall though, I was...missing something. And I didn't want to admit it to myself, but it was you. Even with my friends, it was never enough."

Something in his voice indicates that he was more forlorn than he lets on. I wonder how different our lives would have been if we had stayed together despite being confined to two separate factions. I am willing to bet that I would not have fallen into the slump that I did, that I wouldn't have cut myself, that I wouldn't have been miserable because he would have been waiting for me, the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Is that why you fought?" I ask, flicking my eyes up to his face. "To keep yourself busy?"

He hums in the negative. "It's more complicated than that. I don't like to fight, but I had fallen into that pattern of constant, unpredictable conflict, and without it, I found myself full of pent up...I don't want to call it anxiety, but that is what it was," he tries to explain. After some hesitation, he says, "I don't know if this is making any sense."

"No, I think I understand," I assure him. "It was jarring for me too, going from the action to doing absolutely nothing besides everyday chores."

Tobias skims my shoulder with his thumb in a repetitive circular motion. "I don't think it's just that though," he amends. "I think...there's a part of me that is hostile, and it must have awakened during the war."

He has always had this violent image of himself, derived from the only male figure in his life when he was young. I shake my head in defiance and prop myself up so he will see the seriousness in my eyes. "I refuse to believe that," I say stubbornly. "You're not a violent person, Tobias."

An unbelieving and tortured look flashes across his face before he relents, "Yeah." I know that he will never forgive himself for the Erudite-Dauntless lives he has taken, even if they were out of necessity to defend both our lives.

Unwilling to cause him any angst tonight, I allow the subject to drop. We discuss other topics of lesser gravity until his eyelids begin to droop, and that is when I take my leave.

"I should go," I tell him reluctantly, sitting up and reaching over the side of the bed for my discarded clothes.

"Why can't you stay?" he mumbles tiredly.

"Well, considering Christina noticed that I didn't spend the other night in the dormitory, I figure that it would be more discreet if we spread out the nights that I sleep over."

He huffs out an annoyed breath and closes his eyes, allowing me a moment of privacy while I put my clothes on. After zipping my jacket up, I shimmy my pants up my legs.

"I should at least walk you back to the dormitory," he offers as I am tying my shoes.

It drags a laugh out of me; he sounds exhausted. "Sleep, Tobias," I order, leaning back so that I can kiss him one last time. The way his lips move against mine expertly makes me desperately want to crawl back into bed with him.

But I stand my ground and avoid his temptations. On my way out the door, I flip the light off and take one last glance at him, his chest rising and falling steadily with the sheets pooling around his slender waist.

The walk back to the dormitory is colder than I thought it would be, and lonely. I pull my jacket tighter around myself and wish that I would have stolen one of Tobias's sweatshirts before I left. I drag my feet through a maze of hallways until I arrive at the Pit.

And I am weary, but nevertheless I stop at the chasm, leaning over the railing and staring down at the flat, stone platform where I had my first kiss. I smile with nostalgia. It used to be much less complex between us, but even though things took a downward spiral, I wouldn't change how far we have come. The mayhem we faced has only strengthened our bond, and the innocent teenagers we used to be look like lovesick kids in comparison to us.

As I am reliving the past, I barely register someone walking up behind me to pass on the narrow bridge. I think nothing of it, though it is out of the ordinary that a Dauntless member is awake this far into the night on a week night.

Before I can retreat back into my thoughts, the man behind me says, "This is for sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

Perplexed by the meaning, I am about to ask him what he is talking about, but then I am shoved head over heels over the railing.

I let out a scream of terror and stretch out my arms, nearly missing the upside down railing in front of me. I catch it just in time, and my back slams into the platform when my arms are practically yanked out of their sockets. Hyperventilating, I can't stop myself from staring at the bottom of the chasm, where the rushing water crashes against the rocks. There is no doubt that I will die if I let go, and I will join the rest of the people who have taken the daredevil jump into oblivion.

I refuse to die this way. I have come too far.

"Help!" I cry out, readjusting my grip on the metal bar above my head. As hard as I try to haul myself up, I have always been frail, and the angle is too awkward. "Help me!"

My sweaty palms cause me to slip further, and I squeeze my eyes shut. I pray that someone from the dormitory or anyone that happens to be nearby hears me. All I can think about is how devastated Tobias will be when he wakes up tomorrow morning and finds out that I was thrown into the chasm, when he just got me back. I should have listened to him; I should have let him walk me to the dorms...

I gather all the strength I have to prevent that and clasp onto the railing with all of the possible power I have left. My arms tremble from the effort as I let out another shriek of, "Help!"

"Oh God, Tris!"

Someone runs toward me, leaning over the railing and grasping onto my wrists tightly. He and another person pull me up and over the metal bars, setting me back on my feet.

"Uriah," I gasp out, and I can't stop my eyes from filling to the brim with tears.

"Hey, it's okay," he assures me. He embraces me in a brotherly hug that hides me from the eyes of the other curious initiates who are standing behind him on solid ground. Drained of all energy, I collapse into him, loving the warmth radiating off of his chest.

Next to us, Justin looks disgusted when I peek at him. "Who did this?" he demands. "They are going to pay."

"Yeah, Tris. Who?"

I wrack my brain for any details of my assailant, but I didn't see anything. His clothes, his appearance. Nothing comes to mind.

Except the words he said before he tried to kill me.

This is for sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.

"I don't know," I answer.