**AN: I have researched for a bit some of what would be going on with Leia in 26 ABY, when I am setting this story, because I wanted Ben to be influenced to the dark, but not so far down the path. (I am new to the fandom, so please give me grace on details. I read another author imploring the Rule of Cool, and I will claim that, it's fanfic so I will try to be authentic but I mostly want to write and play with Rey and Ben)
He heard the door creak open, and turned to see Leia walking in. Ben holding Rey and being by her bedside had been a daily occurance. So he guessed that the lack of surprise at how he was laying beside her didn't warrant much more than a raised eyebrow from his mom. "I was about to go over and get some breakfast, would you like to come?" She asked quietly. She'd just gotten in the night before, and this was just one of her many attempts to re-engage him.
Ben bit his lip and considered her offer. Even though he was a grown man, a part of him still craved her undivided attention, and he tried to understand that she was doing important work for the galaxy, but there was still the little boy's hurt at his mom being gone so much. She noticed his hesitation and guessed correctly that it had more to do with Rey than not wanting to be with her. He didn't like to leave in the morning without talking to her, or knowing that someone would be there to check on her soon after he left. "Luke is on his way, he was just finishing up morning meditation with the students," she reassured him.
"Okay," he said, stifling a yawn. He gently extracted himself from the bed, and adjusted Rey into what looked like a comfortable position. He cracked his neck and then followed his mom out of the room. He noted how small she looked, and the age lines around her eyes. Of course he was a "freakishly tall dude" according to his classmates, but his mom was also short, and of a small build. It had been so long since he really studied her, and he could see the worry lines from the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders and what he knew to be remorse for him. He took a few long strides and stopped in front of her. She came to a stop and looked up to meet his eyes. He awkwardly bent down and wrapped his arms around her.
"What's that for? Not that I'm complaining, mind you."
"Nothing in particular. I… I just wanted to tell you I love you mom," he said, stumbling on the words that haven't been spoken in so long. He wanted to put the past aside, realizing they'd both done the best they could, and there was hurt and mistakes on both parts. Leia laid her head on his chest and happily sighed. This tender hearted but volitatle, kind but closed off, smart as a whip boy had grown into a man. But she could always remember him as a baby, or as a toddler following her around and always wanting to be cuddled. Perched as a five year old on Han's lap intently watching everything he did, already learning to fly and idolizing Chewie. He'd chase him around, pull on and hide in his fur, and studiously watch and help as they did repairs for the Falcon. She tried to picture an exact time where she started to feel Ben withdraw and pull away from them, to try to hide his nightmares and his pain- to protect himself or them she still did not know. It must have been a slow thing, one too many broken promises from her or Han. Him denying the time he used to spend with them slowly, so that it barely happened anymore. Leia shook off the memories and tried to live in the moment of having her boy in her arms, well sort of as much as a man his height and size can be in anyone's arms.
Ben finally pulled away, and they walked to his room first, so that he could change clothes and make a much needed trip to the fresher before heading to the dining area. Leia sat across from him, studying him as he shoved bread and eggs in his mouth and washed it down with piping hot caf. He seemed to be starving but she didn't want to push him away by nagging at him to take care of himself more, but she did plan to speak to an attendant droid to bring meals to him if he didn't come out of Rey's room to eat.
"You love her, don't you?" Leia blurted out. So much for not pushing him away. She just hoped that he didn't shrink into himself and they could soon change the subject to something he would talk about.
Ben choked on the caf, and it took all he had not to spit it across the table at her question. "Um, what?" he finally settled on. "I mean, we… We've not really known each other that long. And I… I don't know how she feels. It might just be that the force connects us because of our strength. It doesn't have to be a romantic thing does it? I mean, I want… Well, it doesn't matter what I want, Rey is in charge," he said. Ben could feel his cheeks all the way to the tips of his ears flame. If he could rewind time, he would have ignored her question and not spilled out everything that came to his mind. Except for one thing. He knew that the simple answer to Leia's question was 'yes.' But he didn't want his mom to be the first one he admitted that to.
Between his stammering and the look in his eyes, Leia had the answer too. She wanted to cry or dance with joy, not sure which- or maybe both- because she'd never expected an actual answer. When she contemplated asking him, she was just planning to watch his face and eyes. They were so expressive, he knew it too, and tried to keep his face impassive, he worked hard at it in fact, because other kids taunted him. Luke told her they would tease him just to see the pain written on his face, or invoke him to see how angry he would get. Ben hardened himself in lots of ways, and Leia wanted to punch some of these punk kids, because it had only gotten worse after he left home. She thought fondly of Poe, who was always kind to Ben, and included him and stood up for him enough that people steered clear when they were together. But Poe was about as far from force sensitive as her nerf-herder of a husband. So it had been years really since they had been together.
Leia had mercy and changed the subject after a neverending minute of silence. "Poe has been training with Shara these days and running missions for the Republic. He's shaping up to be quite the pilot and making a name for himself in the ranks."
"I'm happy for him, he has always been interested in piloting and being like his mom," Ben answered. If he'd have blinked he would have missed the pain in Leia's eyes. Ben had always wanted to be with her, but he also didn't have any patience for formal events that came along with politics. The stiffness, the talking in circles, and false flattery. They all had their own interests, and though they wanted peace for the galaxy, taking all of the senators votes and concerns into consideration made getting anything done was like watching paint dry. He of course, admired what she did. Her strength of character, her charisma and her idealistic ideas all made her a wonderful leader. She had a way of making people feel heard and appreciated and maybe that was one of the reasons that Ben hated to see her go, he didn't want that sort of attention given to anyone but himself. It was a child's selfishness, wanting to keep his mother, not having to share her with the galaxy.
But he did see the flash of pain, so he extended an olive branch and asked about how scouting was going. He had heard Leia talking with Han about rumors of unrest, or discord and uprising in the outer rim. So, he knew enough to ask thoughtful questions as they finished eating.
"Why don't you go take a shower? I thought I might see if Rey wants some girl time," she said, nudging him towards his room when they got close.
"Girl time?" He said incredulously. "Mom, don't force her to talk about me or her feelings. Give her-give us-a chance to explore them first."
"Well, I mostly wanted to see if she needed help with cleaning up. But what is girl time without talking about men? Don't worry though, I won't pressure her and I am a master at changing the subject. She's safe with me."
Ben nodded, resigned. Leia had made up her mind, and there would be no changing her mind unless he followed her and refused to leave Rey's med room. Which on one hand sounded like a great idea. But a shower did sound great and he wondered if Rey would be more comfortable with a woman helping her than a droid. Not that she could remember getting much if any help the last few years, he thought sadly.
He'd told Leia a few weeks ago that Rey had never had a proper bath, being submerged in water was something that couldn't really be done on such a dry planet as Jakku. It seems that Leia had decided to do something about that. The academy was mostly minimalistic, freshers and then like, the minimum to prepare good food for the students. But there were only a few bathtubs and they were in the med bay as Ben discovered one day while looking for a new set up tubing. He wanted to stretch his legs, so he went in the direction the droids came from with supplies and found the bathroom with the tubs.
The droids, he knew from her recounting, would give her wipe downs in bed, or once every few days lift her into the sonic freshers. She likes being clean but not so much being handled by metal hands.
Ben wished that he could help her, but he knew that he would never be able to tamper his physical reactions. And like he remembered thinking on the Falcon nearly half a year ago, he didn't want his first time seeing a naked woman to be anything other than having Rey fully healed and willing to be in his bed.
He was glad he was behind the closed door as those thoughts took over. He would rather be in the shower, by himself rather than in a roomful of his family when he was aroused. He'd given up being embarrassed about his physical reaction every time he wakes up in bed, holding Rey. Luckily he is usually awake first, and is able to shift his hips away from her until he can get himself under control. If she ever noticed, she was kind enough to ignore it. He might wither in embarrassment if she ever did, but Ben was resigned. He was a healthy young man wrapped around a beautiful woman.
He shivered, not from cold but from thoughts of said woman. He'd noticed that she was filling out some, thankfully, her once shockingly thin body made him sad. He wanted to take his nearly completed lightsaber and run it through Plutt for treating those people like that. He shook that thought off before it could spiral out of control. The voice liked to pick moments when he was distracted, especially when he was angry to pop into his head, and kindle that anger into something darker, rather than an emotion to be acknowledged and then moved on from. He instead focused on Rey's light, the sound of her laughter and her sight of her smile, and he was able to be calm once again.
Until imagining her smile led to thinking about how soft and kissable her lips looked. And how much fuller her hair was these days. He would occasionally run his hand through her hair, or brush it out for her, but he really wanted to thread his fingers through it and pull her in closer for their lips to meet. Which led to him thinking about last week, when he'd thrown his arm over her as they were getting ready to go to sleep, and he'd brushed up against the swell of her breast. He mumbled hasty apologies and readjusted his arm and his lower body. Her breathing had quickened but her eyes were closed and she didn't respond, so maybe she'd actually fallen asleep that quickly, or else she was giving him mercy and not making it into a big deal.
He'd liked everything about her looks from the minute he saw her, but the fullness that had developed in her chest was definitely interesting. And dangerous. They must have grown overnight or else he was just more mindful of where his body was in relation to hers. But he knew that wasn't strictly true. He'd caught glimpses when her robes would bunch in the most glorious of ways and he could see the outline of them. But he tried to be a gentleman and keep his eyes on her face. Or anything else, so he didn't embarrass himself. They were getting better at keeping their thoughts separate unless they wanted to open up to the other one. But feelings still ran between them mostly unchecked. It took concentrated blocking like he put in place as he stepped into the shower.
He was too fixated on her breast, and it had been too long since he'd had a release, so there was already a bead of moisture leaking. He used that and some soap to build up a slow rhythm. He always had to push down guilt when he imagined her body in this way, but it just felt so right, he could only hope she would forgive him if she found out even if she didn't feel attracted to him in that way. She'd shown nothing but compassion, acceptance and love so he banked on that. He imagine cupping her breasts, placing featherlight kisses to her neck, then across her collarbone and down. His tongue would snake out and twirl the puckered tip in his mouth while massaging the other in his hand. He could almost feel her hands in his hair, gripping but not too tightly, her back arched and her mouth opened. His thrusts had picked up and he didn't last long at all, sagging with relief when he was spent. Once his breathing and heart rate returned to normal, he finished cleaning himself, got dressed and went to find a partner to spar with.
After all, who knew how long Leia would keep Rey hostage. He knew that Rey was fierce and fiesty. She was a good match for Leia, and even not at a fraction of her strength, she could handle herself.
**AN: see, I wanted to progress time a bit, because Leia is throwing out big words like LOVE, and I wanted it to be feasible that Ben would answer like he does. Plus, there is some breast development. And no Ben, that doesn't happen overnight. **
