Time seemed to stop when Ben saw Rey kissing the man on the porch. His heart sank and his whole body grew cold. It was as if the ground had opened up beneath him, leaving him free falling into an abyss.
He backed up his Mustang and turned around, the car kicking dust and sand along the way. His mind and emotions were in turmoil. Rey was with another man. She was laughing with him before kissing him. And she was embracing him with such familiarity that he knew this wasn't some one time thing. This was an established relationship.
He didn't know which one was worse.
He drove faster, not caring if he was beyond the speed limit as he thought back to all the conversations he had with Rey. Aside from her friends and Plutt, she had never mentioned any other men in her life, especially not one she was romantically involved with.
Wait. There was one.
Tommy. Her ex.
His eyes widened and he suddenly found it hard to breathe. That would explain the familiarity between them. The only explanation for the kiss. Could they have reconciled? And she never told him?
He shook his head as he drove further and further away from Jakku. Why would she tell him anyway? They may be friends, but she was entitled to her personal life.
Friends. They were friends and now it was clear that was all they ever would be.
He felt a stinging sensation in his eyes but he quickly blinked and focused on the road, the scenery passing by like a blur. He remembered her telling him that she was going to find someone to spend her life with one day. It looked like she already had, and he didn't even know. But he should have. Rey...she was special. And if he were Tommy, he would realize his mistake too and try and win her back.
It looked like he had succeeded.
In a moment of clarity, he checked his speedometer and slowed down. Hannah. He had to focus on Hannah now and keep himself safe while traveling. She couldn't and shouldn't lose her father, even as said father was losing himself in the chaos of his emotions.
He arrived home at past one in the morning to a quiet house. Both his mother and Hannah should be asleep by now. Good. He didn't think he could talk to either of them at the moment. His whole drive home had been spent thinking about Rey and the kiss, and if he were to be pressed for answers, he might just break down. It was nearly impossible to hold himself together as it was.
He sat heavily on the couch and buried his head in his palms, grimacing as he did. It hurt. It fucking hurt. After he had confessed to her, this was what she resorted to? Going back to the arms of an ex-lover? Or was it his love confession that pushed her back to Tommy? Back to something familiar? Rey already had a tendency to stick to the status quo and avoid change.
He let out a groan that progressed into a sob. He realized now that he never really stood a chance against Rey's stubbornness. Probably never even stood a chance against her first love. She did mention they had planned a future together, and if those plans involved her remaining in Jakku for the rest of her life…
He shot up to his feet and marched towards the kitchen. He had to do something to dull the pain. It was beginning to overwhelm him, and so he walked over to his minibar, grabbed a glass and a bottle of brandy before going back to the living room and pouring himself a drink.
He made a face with each gulp of the liquor as it burned down his throat but he continued to pour glass after glass. He wasn't an alcoholic, though his father had taught him to drink years ago. He only ever drank during social gatherings though or to help him sleep, but this time was different. This time, he needed to drown the ache, and if he could drink until he knocked himself out, then all the better. Because right now, he couldn't stop thinking about Rey's laughter followed by that damned kiss on that dark porch.
His breath hitched, and he downed another shot to stop the sob bubbling up his chest. He'd bared his heart to her and what did she do? Shatter it into a million fucking pieces. Sure, she had made his and Hannah's life fuller. Sure, she had made the world brighter. Made him feel things he had never felt before. Made him want to be a better man. Well, fuck that, she'd just thrown him into a fucking pit of despair with her obliviousness, her bull-headed attitude and frankly, her lack of consideration for his feelings. Why couldn't she have just been honest with him from the beginning and tell him she and her ex were still a thing? Why did she lie?!
One more shot, and his vision blurred. It was the alcohol. Not tears. He wasn't crying, and his shoulders weren't trembling. It was all the alcohol.
Putting the glass back on the coffee table, he lifted his legs up the couch and lay there, eyes stinging as he stared at the darkened ceiling. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to hate her, but he couldn't. Not when the memory of her repeatedly ran through his head-of her smile, the twinkling of her eyes, the conversations they had, the little jokes and laughter they shared, and all the moments that brought them closer together. He had never been in love with anyone like this, and even though he was hurting, he couldn't imagine a world where he actually hated Rey. Right now, he was just...sad. Devastated. And all he wanted right now was to be free of the pain. Only sleep could give him solace, and he was thankful when it came to swiftly take him.
"Ben. Ben, wake up."
His head was throbbing. He could practically feel the nerves at the side of his head pulsating, and his eyelids were heavy but he forced them open to see his mother, looking down disapprovingly at him.
"Benjamin Organa Solo. Have you been drinking?"
His full name. Mother only ever used that when she was either mad or disappointed. Groaning, he pushed himself up from the couch, one hand clawing at his scalp as if grasping for some sort of relief from the headache.
Mother's voice softened as she said, "What happened?"
"It...it didn't work out," he muttered, grabbing his phone to check the time. 7:15AM. Which meant that aside from a restless sleep, he didn't get enough sleep at all. But what caught his attention the most was the number of missed calls he got, all of them from Rey.
He switched his phone off.
"Let's talk about it later," Mother said, helping him off the couch and steadying him. "For now, go and gargle. Can't have Hannah smell alcohol on your breath when we send her off to school. I'll put away the bottle."
Ben nodded quietly and did as he was told, brushing his teeth while he was at it. His mother was right. He couldn't let his daughter see him like this. He had to keep up appearances for her sake.
He took an aspirin and fixed his hair before heading out in time to see Mother helping Hannah put on her backpack by the front door. The school bus was already waiting up front.
Hannah saw him and her face immediately brightened. Ben felt a painful twinge in his heart. He knew his daughter resembled her mother greatly, but it hurt even more now to see that resemblance. "Daddy! You missed breakfast with me and Grandma. Did you oversleep?"
"Yes, Sweetheart. I'm sorry." He walked over, trying his best not to wobble and leaned down to plant a kiss on the top of Hannah's head. "Have fun at school, alright?"
"I will." She nodded, and he and his mother led her up to the bus.
Once the bus left, Mother turned towards him, threading her arm through his. "Now, tell me what happened. What did you mean it didn't work out?"
Ben sighed and led her back into the living room. "Rey is...Rey is with someone else." He sat down heavily on the couch, massaging his temples. "I arrived there just in time to see her kissing a man on her porch."
Mother was silent for a while, before she sat down beside him. "Are you sure? Absolutely sure you saw them kissing?"
He nodded, though her question put a sliver of doubt to what he had witnessed but he pushed the thought away. "It was probably her ex-boyfriend. That's the only person she said she was romantically involved with. Unless she lied about that and has been seeing someone all this time."
"Does Rey strike you as someone who would lie?" Mother asked gently. "I'm just trying to play devil's advocate here. But what if you were wrong? It could just be a friend or-"
"I know what I saw," he interrupted, putting his anger and hurt in check as memories of the kiss assailed him once more. "They were kissing. And she was laughing with him. I've never heard her laugh like that before. Carefree and happy."
He buried his head in his palms, doing his best to keep himself together. The last thing he needed was to break down into tears in front of his mother.
After a time, he straightened himself. He had come to a decision. A difficult one, but it was sound. It was logical. It was damned painful. "Mother, I can't have Rey in mine and Hannah's lives. It's...it's too confusing and complicated. I know Hannah's hoping for us to be together, but it's just not going to happen. I don't want to give her false hope."
He turned and saw his mother's lips had flattened into a fine line. She let out a breath and said, "Son, I don't want you to rush into a decision you might regret. Maybe you should talk to Rey first."
"And what? Tell her I saw her kissing some guy?" He slumped back on the couch. "She'll just end up asking me why I was there or just flat out tell me that her personal life is not any of my business. Either way, it's only going to lead to another argument."
"You don't know that," Mother said softly.
"You're right, I don't know. Maybe I don't know her as much as I thought I did." He massaged his temples again. "But I've made up my mind. I was a fool to think I could ever be with someone like her. I suppose this is karma. I broke so many hearts back in the day. I didn't realize it would hurt this much."
Then, there was silence. His mother couldn't argue with that because it was true. Maybe if he had gotten his shit together years ago, he would've gotten married to someone else and ended up with just an uncomplicated friendship with Rey. Or maybe he wouldn't have needed to meet her at all because Hannah would've been satisfied with a mother.
After a few quiet moments, Mother asked, "When are you telling Hannah?"
"When the time is right," he answered. "I'm going to need to prepare for when I do tell her. She's not going to take it well, but it's for the best. She'll understand someday."
"I see." Mother nodded. "I've never met Rey, but it's clear Hannah loves her dearly. You're going to hurt her if you completely cut Rey from your lives."
"I know," Ben agreed. "But it's better than dragging this out and making her think things could work out between Rey and me. Better to nip it in the bud."
Mother reached out to put a wrinkled hand over his. "I'm sorry, Ben. Maybe if I hadn't given Hannah Rey's contact information, none of this would have happened."
"It's okay. It's not your fault I fell in love with her when I shouldn't have." He patted her hand and gave her a weak smile. "That's all on me."
Mother smiled back just as weakly. "The heart wants what the heart wants. Whatever your decision may be, I'll support you. But promise me you'll think about it?"
"I will," he said, though that was only half the truth. He had already decided. And he was going to act on that decision before he could change his mind.
The day before…
He'd told her that he loved her. Just blurted it out to her, actually screamed it at her face.
And she believed him. She had never known Ben to lie, and no matter how many times she tried to convince herself that he meant he loved her as a friend, there was no denying that everything pointed to him actually having fallen in love with her. All those moments between them, the way he looked at her, the times he had almost kissed her...because she definitely believed now that he had wanted to kiss her the last time she went to Coruscant. He'd held her intimately; had stared at her lips with want. And God help her, she'd wanted him to make a move and…
Shit.
Rey shook her head and paced her living room while biting her thumbnail. It had become a habit for her, all this pacing and nail biting ever since Ben's confession. It had completely thrown her off and now she didn't know what to do with herself. Didn't know what to do with her own feelings. And so she had avoided talking to Ben, and she was glad he didn't seem too keen to talk to her either; at least, not in the last few days. It was still too fresh. But as time passed without any sort of communication between them, she was thrown further and further into turmoil. What if Hannah hadn't interrupted them? What would she have done? What was she even supposed to say to that?
Her phone rang for what seemed like the umpenteenth time that night. Her heart pounding with dread, she took it out of her pocket and hoped it wasn't Ben again. He had been calling her for the past several minutes but she still wasn't ready to talk to him. She was about to swipe to end the call, but when she saw Finn's name flash across the screen, she grew confused. They hadn't talked in months. Not since she had called him when Hannah first arrived on her doorstep.
She quickly answered the call. "Finn?"
"Hey, Peanut," he greeted. "Listen. I know this seems out of the blue, but I'm currently on my way to Pasaana for the Festival of Lights and will be passing by Jakku shortly. I need to cover it for a story. I could drop by and pick you up. It's gonna be fun."
Rey chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I'm not sure now's a good time."
"Oh? How so?"
She started pacing again, all the while contemplating on how much she should tell her best friend. She could always rely on him for answers, but this was big. She hadn't even told him about Ben yet.
"Rey? Is something wrong?"
She sighed heavily. "You remember my daughter? Hannah?"
"Daughter?" Finn paused for a moment. "Oh, right, right. Your daughter from the egg donor thing. You never really updated me on that."
"Sorry," Rey mumbled. "Thing is...I've become close to her and her father the last few months and...he confessed to me."
"Who confessed to you what?"
"Hannah's father. Ben. He confessed that he loved me."
Another pause from Finn, this time much longer. "Peanut, I'm heading to your place."
"What? No, Finn. You have a story to cover for the paper and-"
"Never mind that. This is a story that I personally want to hear."
Finn arrived not too long after they ended the call. She greeted him with a fierce hug. While they had talked on the phone sporadically, she hadn't seen him for nearly a year. He was still pretty much the same friend she had known since she was a kid-dark brown skin, black hair with the tightest curls she had ever seen, although this time, he'd shaved most of his head save for the top, and he sported a bit of a mustache.
Once they got the pleasantries out of the way, Rey told him everything: from how Ben had barged in the same day Hannah arrived, how they had essentially built a long-distance friendship over the course of a few months, the visits, their closeness, his generosity, and finally, their first argument in the desert which led to Ben's explosive confession.
Finn occasionally asked questions, though he seemed to hang on to her every word. And when she was done, she looked to where he was seated on the couch, watching him rub a hand over his jaw. "Well? What do you think I should do?"
"What do you think you should do?" he threw back at her.
"I don't know," she said, frustration in her voice as she started pacing again. "That's why I'm asking you because I really have no idea."
Finn considered her for a time, before he patted the space beside him on the couch. She felt her shoulders sag, and she walked over to sit beside him.
"Peanut," he began, "the way you describe Ben to me and your relationship with him...it seems you two have gotten very close."
She nodded softly, staring down at her hands clasped over her lap.
"And he sounds like a good man who understands you, shares a lot of the same interests as you and makes you laugh."
"Yes." Rey nodded again.
Finn raised an eyebrow at her. "Is he good-looking?"
She let out a short laugh. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"Humor me a bit." He grinned. "Well? Is he hot?"
"He's...attractive, yes." Rey returned the grin, although she was more embarrassed than anything else. She had never admitted to anyone that she found Ben quite handsome. Not that she had anyone to admit it too, but she felt a sense of relief at having revealed it to a friend.
"Okay, okay. Let me get this straight." Finn shifted in his seat so he could have a better look at her. "You have this rich, hot, intelligent, generous, caring man who is head over heels in love with you-"
"I wouldn't say he's head over heels in lo-"
"Hush. He is. After everything you've told me, I have no doubt he's crazy for you," Finn said, gesturing with his hands. "Anyway, this guy, who by the way, other girls would kill for, is desperately in love with you. I don't see the problem. Unless you don't like him?"
"I do like him," Rey blurted out, then clamped her lips shut. That was...unexpected. To her, at least. Finn didn't seem surprised, and was in fact smirking.
"And do you love him?"
"I...I don't know." She threw her hands up in the air before letting them fall on her lap again. "Love...love complicates things. I mean, I like the arrangement we have now, this whole co-parenting Hannah and being really close friends. I don't want to change that."
Finn sighed. "Peanut...I hope you don't take this the wrong way or anything, but why are you so resistant to change? You've basically lived the same life for nearly a decade. This is your chance at something fresh. Your chance at love. I say, you move to Coruscant. Be with Ben and Hannah. Poe knows a lawyer who can help you with that agreement you had with Plutt about not leaving Jakku. Heck, I don't even think that was legal-"
"Finn, you know there are other reasons why I can't leave Jakku," Rey said, her tone defeated.
He nodded in understanding. "Your grandfather and this house. Right. Well, maybe you can still consult with Poe's lawyer friend about that collateral agreement with Plutt. Maybe find some loopholes."
She shook her head. "I have to do this on my own. It's my problem. I don't want to have to rope others into it."
Finn slumped back on the couch. "Ah, Peanut. Still as stubborn as ever."
"So I've been told." Rey let out a short chuckle, then leaned back on the couch as a companionable silence stretched between them.
"Rey...what would it take for you to leave Jakku?"
"I don't know. If my grandfather were here and told me to leave…"
"Except your grandfather isn't here," Finn pointed out. "Rey, I know you hate it when people speak for your grandfather, but don't you think he'd want you to live your life? For you to be free to love and be happy instead of being shackled to this town?"
"I suppose if Grandpa had his way, I would've been out of Jakku a long time ago," Rey admitted.
"There, see? Even you think so. And is Ben worth leaving all this behind?"
It took a while, but she finally nodded, albeit shakily. "Finn...I'm so scared. I...I haven't felt this way for a long time, and it's different from how I felt with Tommy. We were young and in love and-"
"And he was a dick for leaving you when you needed him the most."
"Yeah. He was. I suppose Grandpa's cancer diagnosis made me mature faster than Tommy would've liked and he wasn't ready for responsibilities like I was. In a way, I was thankful he broke up with me."
"I remember you didn't even cry at all." Finn mused. "I was very proud of you for that."
Rey smiled. "Yeah."
"Did you even really love Tommy?" he asked. "Or was that just some crush that he happened to reciprocate?"
"Well...I was happy with him," Rey said, though she was a little uncertain with her own words.
"But was it enough?" Finn pursued.
She shook her head. "No, I suppose not."
"And with Ben? How is it different?"
Rey took in a deep breath, warm feelings suddenly welling up inside her. "With Ben, it's like every time he's around, I feel...light. And happy. I want to make him happy. He feels like...home. And with Hannah, it feels like I have a family again."
Finn smiled and nudged her shoulder. "You love him. Admit it."
She squirmed in her seat and looked away. "Maybe I have feelings for him."
"Seriously?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "You're going to be stubborn even about this?"
"I have to be, Finn. I can't just throw away mine and Ben's friendship for this," she insisted. "What about Hannah? It would devastate her if it doesn't work out. Like I told you, she wants me and Ben to be together."
"If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't." He shrugged. "Hannah seems like a smart kid. She'll understand, just as long as you and Ben remain co-parents. I think you both care about each other enough to make it work."
"Yes, but...if Ben and I become a couple, and we end up having a falling out...I don't think I'll be able to take it as well as I did with Tommy."
"Of course you wouldn't. Because this isn't some little requited crush. You love Ben." He punctuated the last sentence with a pointed finger. "But you know what? It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Rey rolled her eyes. "Can you seriously get any more cliché?"
"It's true. I took the leap with Poe. And it turned out great for us. If I hadn't stepped out of my comfort zone to be with him, I probably would never have experienced the happiness I have with him now." Finn beamed, eyes twinkling as he leaned forward and put an arm around Rey's shoulders. "I want you to take that leap with Ben too because you really never know until you try. It's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do."
Rey chuckled. "You're pulling quotes from books again."
"Well, I am a voracious reader. You have to be in order to be a writer." He paused, then turned to look at his wristwatch. "Speaking of which, I need to get going. The Festival of Lights begins at midnight so I only have an hour left to get there."
"Alright." Rey stood up, as did Finn. "Thank you Finn. I feel so much better now."
"Any time, Peanut." He pulled her into a sideways hug as they made their way out of the living room and into the dimly lit porch. "So, you're going to call him and tell him how you feel?"
"Maybe in the morning. I think he's already asleep by now."
"Okay. But you better not get cold feet the moment I walk out. Even if it's miles between here and Pasaana, I might just come back to throttle the stubbornness out of you."
Rey laughed. "Nice to hear my best friend threatening me bodily harm."
"As if you haven't done the same to me." He laughed with her and pulled her into another fierce embrace. Rey tightened her arms around him and gave him a long kiss on the cheek. She had never been more thankful to have her best friend here. She needed this talk. Needed help to sort out her feelings for Ben. And now…
Screeching tires interrupted her thoughts, and she let go of Finn to see dust kicking up and the red tail lights of a car speeding away into the night. She thought there was something vaguely familiar about the car, but it was dark out so she wasn't sure.
"Strange," she said. "I rarely have cars come by here. It's not part of the main road."
"Sound like some drag racer the way it's speeding away. Maybe using this road so he wouldn't be caught," Finn remarked. "Anyway, I gotta go. And you better call me and tell me what happens after you talk to Ben. I want all the juicy details."
"I will," Rey promised, and walked with him to his car, waving as he drove off before heading back inside the house.
She would call Ben in the morning, she thought. He was usually up around half an hour before seven to make Hannah breakfast, and she smiled at the prospect of telling him that she...felt something for him. That maybe...just maybe...she was in love with him too.
As for her leaving Jakku...they'll work it out. She wouldn't have to move to Coruscant. At least, not right away. In a few years maybe, provided they were still together by then.
Together, she thought, feeling her cheeks grow warm, her heart beating fast as she lay down on bed and pulled the covers up to her neck.
She slept peacefully that night for the first time in days. And the first thing she did when she woke up to a glorious sunrise the next morning was to call Ben.
He didn't answer. And while a small feeling of dread seeped into her, she ignored it. There could be any number of reasons why Ben wasn't answering. Maybe he had overslept. Maybe his phone was on silent mode. No matter. She would just call him after her shift, when he was sure to be home with Hannah.
She could hardly wait.
Rey wiped the sweat off her brow as she continued to sort scraps with some new workers who were chattering around her as if they had known each other all their lives. Ah, to be young and naive, she thought. These kids won't last a month under Plutt, and so she didn't care to join in on their conversation, except for when she had to guide them on what to do. She had been around longer after all, and their supervisor wasn't exactly the most diligent person in the scrapyard.
She sighed. If Plutt hadn't demoted her, she would still be operating the crane, and she missed that. Still, she'd rather be demoted and have her hours cut than tolerate any more of his harassment. And since her new schedule required her to come in at 10AM instead of 7AM, she didn't have to bring Plutt his morning coffee anymore. Except for the few times he wanted to be an ass and lord his power over her, but at least she didn't have to do it everyday like she used to.
Thank God for small favors.
She glanced at her wristwatch. It was 6PM. The end of her shift. Smiling, she stepped away from the conveyer belt and hurried to the locker room. Ben should be home by now, and once she got back to her house, she'd be able to talk to him. Tell him how she felt. It had been what had fueled her all day, nervousness and excitement bubbling inside her all at once. She wondered how he would react. She hoped he would be happy.
Once in the locker room, she took off her hard hat and put it inside her locker before grabbing her keys and her cellphone. She was about to close the locker door when her phone rang.
Her eyes widened when she saw who it was. Ben. Ben was calling her.
Heart pounding, she cleared her throat and answered the call. "Ben! Hi!"
Okay. She was a little enthusiastic, but whatever. She was just happy he was reaching out to her.
"Hello, Rey."
Her brows met with worry. He didn't sound excited. He sounded rather gloomy. But no matter. Once she told him how she felt, she was sure she could turn things around. "Ben...about what happened last weekend, during camping, I-"
"It's not going to work out, Rey."
She froze, not just from his words, but also from the ice in his tone. It took awhile for her to find her voice again, and when she did, she was trembling. "W-What do you mean? What are you talking about?"
"This...arrangement. Co-parenting Hannah," he clarified. "It's not going to work out."
"But…" Rey trailed off. She wasn't expecting this. It was as if the rug had been pulled from beneath her feet. "But you told me it works. That even with distance between us, we make it work."
She heard him sigh deeply from his end. "I said it because I was...I was desperate to get you here to Coruscant. But now I realize that you're right. Everything I said, the arrangement I proposed, it's not going to work out especially since you can't and won't leave Jakku. Hannah needs a mother-"
"I am Hannah's mother," she insisted. Her voice was starting to become shrill, but she didn't care. Not like anyone else was in the locker room at the moment and even if there was, she still probably could care less. "I've made mothering her over a long distance work for months. What changed?"
"That's the problem. The distance," he countered. "Are you even here to tuck her in at night? Hold her when she cries or wakes up from her nightmares? Or calm her down when she's having a tantrum? No. You're not here alongside me to raise her. You're only around when it's fun. Real mothers are around for both the good times and the bad. You can't be a real mother as long as you're in Jakku. Hannah deserves better and you know it. She doesn't deserve to be strung along especially when you're clearly not interested in being the mother she needs."
"Not interested?" Rey parotted. She was beginning to feel lightheaded from all the barbs Ben had thrown her way. "Haven't I proven myself enough? That I want nothing more than to be her mother in every way, not just biologically?"
"You're not Hannah's legal mother," he said flatly. "You relinquished your parental rights the moment you signed that contract with that egg donor clinic."
His words had sounded rehearsed, and she was brought back to the first day they met. He had said the same thing. "But...I thought we had resolved that. That it didn't matter anymore."
She waited for him to respond, but there was only silence. She had to look at her phone to see if he was still on the call, and seeing that he was, put the phone back against her ear. Steeling herself, she asked, "Is this about your...your confession?"
"Hannah wants us to be together," Ben said, his words hurried. "And I see now that it's not going to happen. To be in contact with you will only give her false hope. So I think it's best that we part ways."
Again, his words sounded rehearsed. As though he had practiced beforehand. Had he planned to tell her this all this time?
With wobbly legs, she walked over to a nearby bench and sat heavily on it. She didn't think she could keep standing any longer, and she could feel tears begin to sting her eyes. "Don't do this, Ben. Please. We can work this out."
"I'm thinking about the long-term, Rey. And so should you," he said coldly. Like a manager reprimanding a subordinate. "We both need to consider Hannah's best interest here. It's only going to hurt her even more in the long run if we drag this out. It's best to end it right now."
Rey clamped a hand over her mouth but there was no stopping the sobs once they escaped her throat. No stopping the tears running down her cheeks. "Ben, please. Please don't take Hannah away from me. Please don't…please don't leave me."
That last part was a desperate plea that had just bubbled out of her. She was trying to hold on to him, to Hannah, but it seemed like she was only grabbing at air.
"Goodbye, Rey."
"Ben, wait-"
The call ended. Rey stared at the blank screen of her phone for almost a full minute before she gave herself up to tears, her cries echoing through the emptiness of the locker room.
Ben turned off his phone and slumped back in the office chair in his study. He'd done it. He'd cut her off from his and Hannah's lives, and except for that one moment when he wasn't able to utter a word, he'd done it as he had practiced.
He leaned on his desk and buried his face in his hands. He'd done it, but he didn't think it would hurt as much as it did. Didn't think hearing Rey cry would gut him like this. But this pain, no matter how bad it was, would be temporary, he thought. He would be able to move on. He would find someone else just like she had.
There was a knock on the door. Mother had left for her house hours ago, which meant it could only be Hannah.
He straightened himself. "Come in, Sweetheart."
Hannah opened the door and peered inside. "Daddy, has Rey called yet? I tried calling her phone but it just goes to voicemail."
Ben felt his heart constrict at that, but he managed to keep a straight face as he gestured for Hannah to come closer. Once she was right beside him, he lifted her up to sit sideways on his lap. "Sweetheart, you're a big girl now, right?"
"Yes, Daddy." Hannah beamed proudly. Ben had never hated himself more, but he had to do this.
"And big girls are brave."
"Yes, I'm brave."
"Good. Because I'm going to tell you something that's going to hurt, but it's for your own good."
"Okay Daddy."
He shut his eyes for a moment, lips clamped before he took in a breath and said, "Sweetheart...we can't have Rey in our lives anymore."
He watched his daughter blink up at him, her whole body seeming to freeze. "W-What do you mean?"
He grimaced. She sounded so much like her mother, it was excruciating. "I'm saying we can't talk to Rey anymore. No calling, no texting, no contact. We-"
"Why?" Hannah interrupted.
"Because it's not going to work out between us," he explained as gently as he could, even as his voice began to falter. "Look. I know you want Rey and I to be together, but it's not going to happen. And I don't want you to continue hoping we would."
"But...but…" Hannah trailed off, her face falling and her shoulders shaking. Her eyes, so much like her mother's, was beginning to grow red and glassy.
"It's for the best," he said, doing his best to speak steadily. "I know it hurts right now, but I'm just trying to protect you from future heartbreak."
"Rey's my mommy!" Hannah insisted, fists forming on her skirt. Her voice was shrill, and Ben knew he had to do some kind of damage control.
"Sweetheart, I promise you, one day, you'll have another mommy."
She shook her head, dark waves moving from side to side as she did. "No! I want Rey to be my mommy!"
"I'm sorry." He moved to pull her into an embrace, but she quickly pushed herself off him and ran out of the office, her cries following in her wake.
Ben leaned heavily against his chair, closing his eyes as he ran a hand across his scalp. He had just broken two hearts that day, and those were the hearts of two people he loved deeply. He felt wretched, but he knew he had to stand firm with his decision.
"It's for the best," he repeated to himself like a mantra, hoping it would ease the guilt and pain he was feeling.
It didn't.
