**AN: buckle up the pain train is coming full steam ahead. Hold on to the fact that I am all about a HEA... eventually**

Rey woke up and was disappointed to find the bed empty. She was definitely getting spoiled by so much time with Ben and at times, it seems like they had always been together. She wiggled her fingers and toes, vowing not to take something like this for granted. Moving is supposed to be natural, a given, something you just did instead of having to put thought and effort into.

Luke came in not long after, as she was working on moving her fingers together and separately. Luke kept telling her not to push it, to let the barrier protect her when she felt too tired, and she tried to listen, but luckily this morning, she was doing even more than she had the day before, and she was still feeling good, had energy. Luke touched her arm lightly, and then pushed in the force, healing her with her shield open and closed. He talked a little after that about his students, how he trained the padawans, and what their day to day looked like.

"I try to get the older students to pair up with the younger. They will take them through fighting drills, meditation and breathing. Then for an hour before and after lunch, they work on life skills. Reading, writing and maths for the little ones, and as they get older they begin to explore other avenues, like repairs of ships, which I am sure that you could teach a thing or two about when you are feeling up to it. They also do flight sims, have mock debates about politics, and the likes…"

Luke kept talking, but she zoned out. Something that he said clicked with her and she wasn't sure what to feel about it. It seemed to be a certainty she would stay when she was fully healed. She was torn because even though Ben had said they would try to find out what happened to her parents, she felt an almost blind compulsion to be back on Jakku, waiting for the day they would show up. But she also couldn't imagine leaving Ben, and she wasn't selfish enough to ask him to come with her. He had so much more than her give up, teachers who understood the force, parents and family that loved him and wanted him around. She thought sadly about the hurt and division that was in the family, but she also felt he was lucky to have family there to have issues with. No matter how much they hurt him or left him, while in capable hands, still they would leave and go out across the galaxy- she knew that Leia, Han and Luke loved Ben deeply.

"Well, I will let you keep working. You really are making such good progress. I've seen brain injuries like this leave a person completely changed- both physically and mentally disabled. But I have no doubt that you are going to get back to yourself completely." Luke said, withdrawing his hand from her arm after giving it a soft pat. Rey felt guilty that her mind had been wandering, but Luke seemed to know that and not be offended or upset.

After Luke left, she focused on her wrists and ankles next. She lowered the barrier around her mind, and was pleased that it wasn't unbearably painful. Her wrists cooperated better than her feet, so she flexed those instead. She moved on to lifting her arms from the bed. It was only maybe an inch, but that was an inch more than last week. She noted that they felt weak and stiff. The droids came in and moved her arms and legs, and instructed Ben on moving her around so she didn't get pressure sores. She wished at times that Ben was the one who would hold each part of her body in his hands, working her muscles when she couldn't. He took her hands often enough, but going to the elbows or shoulders, or even more intimate, her thighs and hips. She remembered that her mental shield that kept her from sharing everything that went through her head was down often when the barrier that helped heal her brain was down, and quickly changed that train of thought. She hoped that Ben was busy and his own end of the bond was closed. She wasn't sure if he would appreciate her having these sorts of thoughts about him, and didn't want to ruin the friendship they were forming.

She took a deep breath to center herself when she heard a soft knock and the door creak open. She turned her head slightly to see who it was now, because she didn't feel his force signature. Leia came in, and Rey wished that the floor would open up and swallow her. What if she somehow knew what Rey was thinking about her son. Rey cleared her throat, and knew that her face was red, because she felt the heat on her neck and chest.

"Working hard" Leia asked.

Rey couldn't tell if she was asking about her working her limbs or if she was making a joke about whatever it might be that made her blush. "Um, yeah. Luke just left. He said that I'm doing great."

"I just had breakfast with Ben. He was going to shower before he came back over here," Leia answered, sitting on the chair beside her bed, with one leg tucked under the other.

Oh Force. He was in the shower. With no clothes on. And she couldn't help but try to imagine what the muscles and ridges in his stomach would look like. They felt heavenly when she was pressed against them, she knew that for sure.

Choobies. She'd almost forgotten Leia was sitting there. Her face got even hotter, and she cleared her throat.

"Thirsty?" Leia asked with a smirk.

Kriff. She had to know where Rey's mind was. She hoped like mad that Leia wouldn't relay this information to Ben. But she wasn't sure how to ask, especially if that smirk was for something else. It would just be putting it out there with no room for uncertainty that she cared for Ben, and found him attractive.

Rey nodded, and Leia retrieved a glass of water from the other side of the room and came over and propped Rey up. It was a relief to be able to eat and drink again, even if only in small amounts at a time. She hated all of the tubes, and she'd never had anything like the breads, meats, cheeses, and fruits they brought her. Selfishly, that might be another reason that she never wanted to return to Jakku. Going back to the aching hunger, and the constant grind of hoping to find enough to trade for food. Although Rey was getting pretty fed up and stir crazy laying in the bed all of the time.

"Would you be opposed to my helping you get cleaned up properly?" Leia asked.

Rey's face lit up but then she considered the positions it would put both women in. She bit her lip and tapped one of her fingers against the bed.

"I don't mind, I promise. I wouldn't have offered otherwise," Leia prompted.

Rey nodded, and smiled at the beautiful woman who walked towards her bed. "I can't imagine a senator and general wanting to give a nobody like me a bath though," she said quietly.

"Don't say that. You aren't a nobody. You have a place here in the academy if you want it. Or you could come with me, I travel around the galaxy and I know that you would love seeing other planets, and cultures. Besides, anyone who can make my son smile like he has been, is everything to me."

Rey blushed, but treasured the compliment as well as Leia's words. She'd never imagined that she could have all these people who weren't her family care for her. She didn't even know if her blood family cared half as much as those who surrounded her.

Leia smiled and placed a kiss on the top of Rey's head. She then put on what Rey called her business face, and worked to unhook Rey's supplemental nutrition. "Do you know the last time they changed your cath wire?"

Rey blushed and frowned at the tube and bag attached to her down there. She always hated it, but Ben usually ignored it except to make sure the tube wasn't kinked when he was rearranging her. She was sure that the med droids had some way to monitor that, and she used to tell him so. "I'm here and I can handle making sure it's not kinked when I pull you in my arms." He was such a gentleman and she wanted to kiss him silly for it. But kriff, she would be so glad to get it out for good, to be able to walk to the fresher on her own.

"The day before yesterday, I think," she answered, making sure that she kept her voice even and strong. She wanted to be worthy of the elegant leader that was becoming her fast friend. She is sure that Ben would argue that she was already worthy, but she also thinks that he more than anyone would understand the desire to impress Leia, to be the best version of yourself. So while she felt humiliated, she also knew that it was out of her control, so she would focus on what she could control. One of them being to control her thoughts about Ben in front of his mom.

Leia clamped the line and treated it with the same regard as Ben. That it's just a tool, it doesn't make her any less, and in the end, everyone has to empty their bladders. Now, Rey would certainly draw the line at having anyone but a medical droid help her with other sorts of elimination. Ben wasn't dealing with anything like that, not if she ever wanted to be able to look him in the eyes.

If anything, Rey was glad for these unpleasant realities because it dampened all thoughts of Ben in that way. She didn't know if Leia would approve of Rey thinking of her only son in that way. But something about the way she has asked if Rey was thirsty implied she knew. The only thing worse in that context would have been asking if she was hungry. Why yes, Leia, I want to have your son kiss me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And then maybe for dessert he can take his shirt off.

So much for those thoughts been dampened.

"Ben said Han is coming back next week," Rey said, to break out of her thoughts. Leia had just come over with a droid and one of the cold transport chairs. Leia supported her into a more upright position and the droid then scooted her over on the chair. Leia shooed her hands at the droid and it beeped in protest, insisting it should help. The Leia face worked on even droids, Rey was amused to see, since it turned and left them in the room.

"Yes, Luke sent a holo last week and asked them to come when they were done with their job. He won't say what he's figured out, but I guess he's ready for them to check out those guards."

It was subtle but Rey noticed a furrowing of Leia's brow as she mentioned their upcoming assignment. If it were just Rey, then she would tell them not to go, that it wasn't worth the others being in danger. But she'd see how much it tears Ben apart, he wants so badly to cling to the light. But the dark has its hooks in Ben and takes every opportunity to find any weakness in him and unravels him.

She knows that the voice hasn't been completely gone. But she gladly lends her power to reinforce their mental shields, and she also knows that Luke has found a way to help Ben with the pain. She wishes that she could protect him like he's been protecting her, but she works on the meditation, memorizing the forms even though she can't physically go through them. Some of them are very similar in style and technique that she used with her staff, but others are not as natural but she can see the value of them when engaging in fighting. Most of her attackers on Jakku had little besides their own bodies, or a knife, but if Rey could keep them at a distance with her staff, they really didn't have any chance. But if she were up against someone trained, she would need more of the defensive forms, as well as learning with a saber, instead of something twice its length.

They reached the washroom, and Rey gawked at the tub. She barely notices when Leia unties and slips the robe from her shoulders. "I have never seen that much water in one place! Maybe I shouldn't, who will have to go without today?"

"Without what dear?" Leia asked. They were up against the side of the tub, and Leia lowered Rey into the water. Leia sat on the side, and helped keep Rey upright.

It was warm and heavenly. On a planet where every drop was precious, this felt so extravagant. Rey felt a stab of guilt, but she could still appreciate how her muscles practically melted. She couldn't stop a moan from escaping as the water made her feel almost weightless. She slumped back against Leia and closed her eyes.

"Water. Who will have to go without water?"

"Oh, dear girl. No one. This isn't a desert planet, so I forget that you wouldn't know these things. Relax. This water like most of the non drinking water is collected from the rains, or else filtered through the river."

"Oh, right. I have read about rivers and I've seen a holo that had one on it. That one also had an ocean. I just can't imagine it. But I want to see it one day."

"Of course. We'd love to take you. I haven't been to Hanna in so long. Neither has Ben. that's where he was born, you know. He was such a handsome baby. So smart, alert and sweet. He had so much hair even then. He wasn't the best sleeper, so often we would travel with Han when he was on the safer jobs. I still have a holo picture somewhere, but I can still imagine it in my mind of the two of them curled together in the copilot chair of the Falcon, with Chewie trying to quietly run the ship. And you know Chewie. He was so happy all the time though. Until, well until the nightmares… But he's happy now. In a much different way, but one that suits the man he's become. Still handsome and charming just like his dad."

Rey couldn't agree more. She smiled softly and wished that Leia would find that holo sometime and show her. To see Ben at such a young age, when he wasn't pulling apart from the inside, chubby cheeks and bright eyes.

"Are you happy, Rey?" Leia asked softly, running her fingers through Rey's damp hair with shampoo and smoothing out the knots.

"Yes," she said, leaning more into Leia's hands. Soon Leia finished washing her hair, and toweled it partly dry, and set to weaving it into braids. Leia wondered if Ben could still do any of these braids. He used to beg to play with Leia's hair so she taught him some Nabooian styles.

Rey loved it when Ben played with her hair, but when Leia did it, it was different. Motherly is the best word that came to mind. She has a blurry memory of her mom doing her hair. In three evenly spaced buns, cute but practical as it kept her hair back so it didn't tangle or catch on parts or the ship itself. Having chunks torn out was not pleasant and Rey could attest to that fact.

Leia went quiet, focusing on weaving the hair just so. It was a sturdy braid, but beautiful, almost like a crown. Leia thought it would hold well for being in bed, or rather, in her son's arms. He seemed so unsure of Rey's feelings, and while Leia was almost certain that at least Rey was physically attracted to him, she wanted to make sure that the feelings ran deeper before she encouraged Ben to open up. He couldn't handle his heart being broken in yet another way, if he put himself out there and Rey rejected him. But a part of Leia also thought that they were dancing around each other, both so unsure of themselves and what their true feelings might be, their force bond only complicating things. Were the feelings a result of the bond? Or was the bond only stronger because of the feelings. Or worse what if Rey didn't have any deeper feelings for Ben.

Leia didn't want to pry, she'd tried to gently probe Rey's reaction, talking about how attractive he was. She had mentioned that he was happy now, but he hadn't been, not to this extent for some time. Force, did you put them together because their stubborness is the only thing that rivals their potential with the light side?

"Does he make you happy?" Leia tried again.

"Yes. He is so thoughtful to me, you've raised a gentleman Leia. He makes me laugh, and he seems to just understand me. I can't say how much it means to me how he's been there for me. I know there is so much more he could be doing towards becoming a Jedi, or going out and making a difference with you on the Senate. He is so charming, people must fall over themselves to please him and get his favor."

"Yes, he's always been more at ease with adults, but I think he would hate the Senate, the stuffines and formality. But he does have such great ideas, just not the best way to accomplish them," Leia answered. Kriff it, Rey. Give me something here.

"He treats you like I've never seen him do before. No one has ever turned his head, I don't know if its because of how his peers treated him. But they don't know what they are missing, he has so much love to give." Please don't be mad at me Ben Solo. "I think that he doesn't have confidence that anyone could see him in that light, as a partner. Many want to use him for his connections, or for his power. Others want to see him hurting. But you don't."

"No, I am lucky to have him as a friend. I think someone will see him, how incredible he is. Someone worthy of him," Rey said. "Because I could never be. He could never want me, a desert rat, a nobody." She finishes so quietly that Leia is sure those words aren't meant for her.

"He is incredible. And I think he has met someone that is worthy of him," Leia says quietly. "Are you ready to get out?"

Rey feels ice cold. Goosebumps are raised and her stomach turns. She had been so stupid, to think that maybe, maybe he might one day see her like she sees him. But he's met someone. Rey is sure that she's beautiful, curvy, from a respectable family. Maybe even one of the other padawans at the academy. Maybe the force made a mistake because she doesn't feel powerful. "Yes, please. Can you call the droid?" She asks, struggling to keep her voice steady.

"I can help you dear," Leia said, wrapping one arm around Rey's neck.

"No thanks, I'm sure that you have other things you could be doing. But I appreciate the help, the bath was lovely." Rey couldn't help it, her voice cracked on the last word, and she wishes that Leia would give her time to get herself together before Ben came back. She's sure that Leia had this conversation with her so that Ben would stop sleeping in her bed, and taking up all his time. After all, if it were Rey, she would not want her partner to be like that with another person.

"Rey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." Leia began.

"Please, just go. I need a little while," Rey interrupted shakily. Somehow she wasn't sobbing yet, but she knew that it wouldn't be long.

"At least let me help you onto the chair, I can't let you go while you're in the water. You're stronger but I..,"

Rey nodded and turned her head away from Leia. Leia wrapped a towel around her and summoned a droid from outside the door. Once the droid was with Rey, Leia trudged out the door, and her only thought was Ben is never going to forgive me.

As soon as the door shut, Rey gave in and let the tears fall. This was not a graceful tear or two, it was ugly. Snot running down her face, and she was sure that her eyes were already red and swollen.

"Are you in pain? Should I fetch Master Luke?" The droid inquired as he gingerly finished drying her off and slipping her robe back on.

"No. I don't want to see anyone. Is that possible?"

"Master Ben, then?" The droid persisted as it helped her into bed and situated the tube and wire.

"No! Especially not him," she said through hiccups.

"As you wish Miss Rey. No visitors? Are you sure you're not in pain? I can get you a nice tea or some remedies."

Never had Rey been so ready to slam something against the wall and watch it shatter than right in that moment.