A/N: Sorry this chapter is so late. I've been feeling really burned out for the past few weeks and then the virus got serious. So basically, a lot of my energy has been taken up by getting supplies and worrying about my pets and SO (who just got laid off). I'll try to continue updating regularly but please bear with me, given our current circumstances. It's very hard to write with my SO constantly at home. Anyway, I hope you all stay safe and enjoy this chapter!
Lien flexed her broken ankle and cringed as sharp pain rushed up her leg. The doctor had taken his time with her, binding her leg like wrapping a piece of porcelain for transport, giving detailed instructions for aftercare. He was nothing like the doctors her parents had hired – the brusque men who'd looked her over once and claimed they had done all they could. Of course, it made sense to her now. They were being paid to lie, to keep up appearances. She'd never been sick, so they never had to touch her.
She downed a dose of the willow bark tonic the doctor had left for her. It, unsurprisingly, tasted of wood and dirt. But if it took away her pain, as he claimed, then it would be worth it. Stretching, she placed the vial on the nightstand beside the bed. For the next few weeks, she was forbidden from walking without assistance. The idea made her body burn with resentment. All the freedom she'd fought for had been snatched away by remorseless hands.
Yet, part of her knew that she was the only one to blame for what had happened. Perhaps if she had taken Kiran's warnings seriously, she'd have been better off. She told herself that she'd never make such a foolish mistake again. Anyone who presented themselves as a friend would, from then on, be met with suspicion. She had to protect herself…
With a sigh, she leafed through Jing Fei's letters again. She hadn't had the chance to read them but maybe she would start soon. It seemed she would have a lot of idle time during her bedrest. A folded paper fell free from the stack. She frowned as she picked it up.
Unfolded, it revealed the image of a young man, drawn in deep black ink. Did Jing Fei send this? She spent some minutes examining the picture. Something about him was familiar, but she couldn't place it. All she knew for sure was that she'd never actually seen him before. Perhaps she had passed him in the marketplace. But then, why would Jing Fei have a portrait of him? She folded the paper and set it aside. If Jing Fei sent it, she would have mentioned it in her letters, so Lien scanned through each one. Nothing. Not a single sentence about a man she'd met.
"Is Jing Fei alright?"
Lien jerked her head up and found Zhao standing at the foot of their bed. She had been so engrossed in her search that she hadn't noticed him come in. "Um, yes, she is. Why?"
"You seem troubled," he said with a slight shrug. "And those are her letters, aren't they?"
"I'm still upset that my parents tried to hide them from me, that's all." The lie fell so easily from her tongue, she should've been ashamed. But she wasn't. Not yet, anyway. She was more confused about why she felt the need to hide such a trivial thing as a picture from him.
"Of course." He drew closer and eased himself into bed beside her. His eyes flicked down to the folded paper, but he didn't say anything about it. "I have to return to my duties soon. The admiral approved my request for a new ship this morning. It should arrive by the end of the week."
"But… you only just… What about us?"
"I know." His fingers stroked the back of her hand, soft, reassuring. "I won't leave you here."
She stared at him, eyes wide. If she'd heard him correctly, it seemed he was suggesting that he would take her with him. Wherever he was assigned to go. Worry gnawed at her initial excitement. This was the perfect opportunity to work on her dream, but at what cost? What if the dangers of the outside world outweighed those within the capital? She didn't know if she could handle being kidnapped again. Or worse…
The Avatar was out there somewhere. Zhao had never gone into detail about the encounter with him but he seemed to be a formidable opponent. If she ran into him on her own… She shuddered at the morbid images her mind conjured. Her fiancé had barely escaped with his life. How could she expect him to protect her too?
"As much as I want to go with you, it doesn't feel safe," she said, pulling her hand away from him and crossing her arms over her chest.
"You don't have a choice." He hesitated, his usual stoic façade falling aside slightly. Just enough for her to detect some of the hurt she'd caused with her reluctance. "Kiran can't defend you like I can. She's already proven that she doesn't take your wellbeing seriously. There were people specifically targeting you, trying to cause you harm, and she…" He sighed.
She thought about what he had left unsaid. Kiran had let her wander unsupervised far too often. But was that really her fault? Lien was responsible for her own decisions, not Kiran. It wasn't fair for Zhao to blame her for the abduction. She had lied to Kiran and trusted Feng Mian when she shouldn't have. Maybe everything could have been avoided if she'd just been more sensible. If only she'd listened… But this time, she was determined to be cautious and prove to Zhao that she wasn't a burden.
"Alright, I'll go."
He smirked then patted her thigh. His hand rested on the skin exposed by her short shift. The warmth of his fingers sent shivers down her spine. It felt like ages since he'd touched her so intimately even though she knew that only a few days had passed. Her cheeks burned as she remembered what he'd done – what she'd begged him to do. She still wasn't sure how she felt about that night. There was no regret but the confusion wouldn't leave her. What did it mean? Maybe nothing at all.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked. He moved his hand from her thigh up to her cheek.
She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. It felt natural to her, comfortable. There was definitely something between them. Trust and an undeniable attraction, at least. But was there something more? The relationship between her parents didn't set a good example for her. And her father – well, not her father, thanks to her cheating mother – he never showed her any affection while she was growing up. She wasn't sure she was even capable of loving a man. Jing Fei was the only person that she loved confidently. Even when they disagreed. But could she learn to love Zhao too? Did he love her? Or was this just a political union?
"It's nothing you'd be interested in," she said. She opened her eyes once more and saw him examining her face. Maybe there was concern in his eyes. Sharply, she turned her head away, breaking contact with his hand.
"You don't have to hide anything from me."
"I was thinking about our wedding," she said. It wasn't quite a lie so she told herself that she didn't have to feel bad about it. She shifted her body carefully, facing him again.
"Why do you think I'm not interested in that?" He smiled like he was trying to tell a joke. The expression faded as he watched her eyes harden. Frown set firmly on his lips, he backed off. "I should let you rest. You've been through a lot recently."
"I'm sorry." She reached out, grabbed his wrist to prevent him from leaving. "It's just… uncomfortable for me to talk about this. And I had a feeling that you wouldn't be comfortable with discussing it either."
He nodded as if he knew exactly what she was referring to. Perhaps he'd been having similar thoughts, wondering if he could ever fall in love. Or let his guard down enough to love her properly. But he didn't open up and tell her that. He had to protect himself and, of course, she understood. She would have said the same had their roles been reversed.
"We shouldn't pretend that this is something it's not."
Even though she'd expected him to be defensive, her heart ached at his words. Was that what love felt like? The pain of distance and rejection? She grimaced. "You're right."
"Of course I'm right," he said. His voice projected confidence but his eyes were downcast and his lips frowned. Then he coughed and his sour expression was replaced by a more neutral one. "I want to be honest with you, and you with me."
"I have been."
"And I haven't. Not exactly."
Before he could elaborate, there was a sharp knock on the door. He apologized then got out of bed and left the room. Lien blinked. It had all happened so fast, from doubting their relationship to almost getting answers then nothing. She sighed and threw herself back into her pillow. Her fiancé was always so busy, rushing to accomplish several tasks at once. Did he ever tire of it? And how would she fit into his life when they married? She needed more from him than she suspected he could give. He carried himself like he was running out of time. And she wasn't selfish enough to ask him for even a second more of it.
The next few days passed in a blur. Kiran visited her several times, hugging her and crying and apologizing. Lien soothed her as best as she could but the older woman was inconsolable. Although it was sweet, she couldn't handle the emotional burden right then. She was relieved when Kiran finally left.
Fan Li checked on her only once. But she was more attuned to social cues than Kiran was and knew that her sister needed time alone. She stayed for a few minutes, just long enough to check on Lien's ankle and let her know she could reach out whenever. Then she retreated, leaving Lien alone with her thoughts.
Zhao spent time with her as much as he could manage. His was the only presence she still craved. She had this feeling deep down that he understood her. That he knew what it was like to be held against his will and tortured and desperate enough to kill. They stayed up together at night and he listened as she talked about it yet again. It was comforting to some extent, being able to speak such horrible things without judgement. When she'd finished, he'd tell her that she was strong and he was proud of her.
The night before Zhao's new ship was due to be delivered, he lay down beside his fiancée and spoke before she could launch into the usual rant.
"Let's talk about something else, just for tonight."
She curled up against him, her head on his chest and arm wrapped around his stomach. "What do you have in mind?" Even with the abrupt change of their routine, she felt completely relaxed. The steady beat of his heart beside her ear eased her nerves.
"I thought we could continue our conversation from a few days ago," he said, lightly stroking her hair. "Now that we won't be interrupted."
His voice sounded like he was smiling but she didn't lift her head to see. Maybe she feared that she'd misheard him and his lips would be turned down as they often were. But she liked his smile, didn't want to ruin the image in her head. Its rarity made it more precious to her. She was sure that she was the only one who ever got to see it. Everyone else spoke of his severity in hushed tones. Afraid. As they should be. But those private moments they shared – when he displayed his good humor, tenderness, vulnerability – let her believe that she was safe with him.
"Alright."
"Well… I said I want to be honest with you from now." His fingers stilled in her hair. "I suppose that means assuring that we have open communication. Ask me something."
She tensed for a moment as a jolt of consciousness zapped her. He'd lifted all the unspoken restrictions on her. All the questions she'd been wrestling with for months came to her immediately. So many options. Would he answer all of them? Or just one? And if she only had one question to ask, which one should she choose? She could demand to know what he knew about her family. Her brother, specifically. Or if he knew why her grandfather had fallen out of favor.
"How much did you pay for me?" The words spilled out before she could stop them. It was the least important question. She'd certainly thought she'd moved on from it. And yet, even the mention of the business side of their arrangement brought tears to her eyes.
He sighed and, for a second, she thought he would deflect it. Whatever shame he felt would overpower him. He'd leave her wondering.
"Your parents asked for half of their debt," he said at last. "I paid it off entirely."
It wasn't an exact number, but that didn't matter to her. She suspected it was more money than she'd know what to do with. Part of her wanted to push him, ask if his conscience was alright with what he'd done or if he was happy with what he'd received in return. In the end, she stayed silent. The last thing she wanted was to accuse him. Her parents were the ones trying to sell her. Couldn't blame him for buying… And at least he valued her life twice as much as her own family did.
"I'm aware that it doesn't sound good." He laughed a short bark of a laugh, like he was nervous. "But I prefer to think that I didn't buy you. I was just helping the family of the woman I… the woman I'm marrying."
"They deserved to drown in their mistakes." She untangled herself from his body and turned onto her other side, putting her back to him. Clutching her pillow, she squeezed her eyes shut. The tears she'd held in her eyes overflowed. Down her cheeks, onto the bed.
"I agree," he said, tentatively rubbing her back. When she didn't resist, his touch turned confident. His fingers prodded at the tension in her shoulder blades until he worked it out and she visibly relaxed. "Your parents were cruel to you. But you're safe here. You have power now. No one will take advantage of you again. I will protect you."
Her heart nearly stopped at his words. They reminded her of the things Jing Fei used to say to reassure her. She blinked away the last of her tears and turned back to him. Timid, she stroked his cheek. Her fingers had a soft pull to them, a suggestion. He accepted her without hesitation, closing the gap between them to kiss her. Unlike previous kisses, this one was slow, sensual. The fire was there, behind each movement of their lips, but neither stoked it. They simply enjoyed each other for as long as they could.
Lien pulled away. His irises were honey golden, drinking her in like he'd go blind in the morning. With a slight start, she realized she'd never thought of his eyes that way before. Always dark, angry, lustful. But now, they were light and sweet.
"I have a question for you now," Zhao said, caressing her side.
"What is it?" The contact made her shudder with desire. A desire to please him, to hear him speak again. His touch faltered but, when she smiled, he continued with a smirk.
"If you could marry me tomorrow, short ceremony, no family or friends, just us and the sage… Would you?"
"Fan Li should be there. And Kiran. I think they'd kill me if we got married without them." She giggled at the thought of Kiran throwing a tantrum over not being invited. "But I think I would. Drawn out, formal ceremonies aren't for me. I'd still want to wear the dress, though."
"Good to know." Then he changed the subject. "How's your ankle? Did Kiran help you pack?"
"It's fine. The doctor said it will probably take a few weeks to heal completely. And yes, she did. I'm all ready to leave with you tomorrow." Lien kissed him again, just a quick peck, then turned over. She needed to restore her energy for the voyage. As far as she remembered, she'd never been on a boat in the open sea before. But she pushed the thought from her mind before she became too nervous to sleep.
"Lien, wake up!"
When her eyes flew open, she found herself almost nose to nose with Kiran. She yelped and rolled to one side to get away. Kiran giggled as she straightened to stand upright. Fan Li lurked a few steps behind her, arms crossed. She pushed herself up on her forearms, looking between the two women, eyebrows furrowed.
"What are you doing here?"
"We're helping you get ready, of course. Silly girl." Kiran smiled so wide, she worried her friend's jaw would detach from her head and fall to the floor. "You're–"
Fan Li jabbed a sharp elbow into Kiran's side. The older woman gasped and clutched her ribs. "It's a surprise, Lien, but if you're smart, you'll figure it out soon. Now get out of bed and put this on." She shoved an intricately wrapped package into her sister's hands as she stumbled to her feet.
"Be gentle with her," Kiran admonished, "she's injured."
"This is a bit much for just…" Lien trailed off as she tore into the wrapping paper, exposing gauzy white fabric and a flash of silky red. Tenderly, she held the gift up in the air. "What… what is this?" But she already knew. She'd seen a similar gown in her mother's wedding portrait.
"I hope you like it," Kiran said, unable to contain her excitement. "It's a custom dress from my favorite Fire Nation designer. Well, come now, try it on!"
Lien pressed her lips tight together and nodded wordlessly. She changed into a fresh shift – pure white with a hint of lace along the low neckline. As she slipped into the wedding gown, she felt a pressure in her chest. But she couldn't determine if it was an extreme happiness or oppressive fear and sadness. Perhaps it was an even combination of positive and negative emotions.
Kiran helped her adjust the dress and tie up the back. Then she draped the red and gold shawl over her shoulders. "How does it feel?"
Snug in the chest, the dress flared out in a dramatic skirt that dragged on the ground. The main fabric was so light, it almost felt like she was wearing nothing at all. She ran her hands down her torso, admiring the texture and how it conflicted with the smoothness of the silk shawl.
"It's not exactly traditional, but it seemed in line with the kinds of dresses you chose to wear around me." Kiran spoke the words quickly as if Lien's silence was an indication of hating the present.
"No, it's perfect. Thank you. I didn't know you were paying that much attention to me."
"This is sweet and all," Fan Li said, "but we don't have time for it. I… umm… I volunteered to do your makeup, if that's alright with you. I know you'd prefer Jing Fei…"
"Stop that," Lien said, taking hold of her sister's hands. "Our relationship is important to me too. I've spent so much time with Jing Fei over the years. It's your turn, now, don't you think?"
Her lips twitched into a faint smile. "Let's get started then."
After an hour of Fan Li painstakingly perfecting Lien's makeup, while Kiran wrestled with her hair, she was finally ready. She took a deep breath. It was time. The three of them left Zhao's home and got into the carriage that had been waiting on them. They sped through the streets and Lien let her mind wander to other things. She couldn't focus on the marriage that was approaching faster than she thought possible. How had they managed all these preparations seemingly overnight? Unless this was always his plan…
The carriage rolled to a stop and Fan Li helped Lien out. Before anything else about their location could make an impression, the air struck her nose with the smell of salt and brine. Ocean stretched on before her, speckled with boats from the docks. They were at the harbor.
She spotted Zhao in front of his new ship with a man she didn't recognize. Although she wanted to run to him, she stopped herself. Couldn't risk putting stress on her ankle. So, she let Fan Li support her. They crept down the boardwalk like an old tank. She'd never seen one outside of the designs she'd studied but she imagined they would be slow to begin with. They looked heavy.
But she was just rambling to herself, trying to distract her brain from what was about to happen. All too soon, she stood in front of her groom. Her entire body trembled and she was sure she would have collapsed if Fan Li hadn't been there to hold her up.
"Lien."
"Zhao." She watched his eyes scan down her body. But he would never compliment her with an audience. "Who is this?"
He waved a hand dismissively. "He's just officiating."
The man frowned yet he controlled his tongue. He didn't respond to Zhao's insult and instead, launched into his usual spiel about love and family.
And then, it was over. Lien wasn't sure if the ceremony was short like Zhao had suggested the night before or if the nervousness had made her black out. She blushed. Could she really have missed her own wedding?
The man bowed to Zhao then retreated. Kiran and Fan Li hugged her, with Kiran squealing in delight and Fan Li characteristically quiet. She wrapped her arms around each of them in turn.
"You're really leaving?" her sister asked once the embrace broke apart.
"I need to see what else is out there. It's been my dream since…" She coughed. "It's been my dream for such a long time. I hope you understand."
"Of course…"
"I'll be back in a few months, I promise."
But she didn't know. The workings of the universe did not reveal themselves to her nor to anyone else. When Zhao grasped her arm and steered her onto his ship, she could almost sense a change in the air around her. A chill infiltrated her shawl. Like fate was trying to communicate with her. But she was too small and naïve to understand what it meant.
Maybe nothing. She'd had a long morning, after all.
