Chapter 20: John Phoenix and the Meeting

John Phoenix, Edgeworth, Godot, and Merlin were having a meeting at The Wright Anything Agency. John Phoenix's manservant Matt Engarde was serving drinks, and John Phoenix's secretary Shelly de Killer was screening calls. There had been a lot of hateful calls to the agency lately, because Phoenix Wright had been arrested for orchestrating the bus hijacking and the attempt to bomb city hall. The front page of the newspaper on the coffee table read "JOHN PHOENIX'S UNCLE ARRESTED ON TERRORISM CHARGES" in giant print. There was also a picture of the Judge at his brother's funeral, and underneath was a quote: "He always seemed like a terrorist to me."

"This is absurd!" cried Edgeworth. "I've known Wright all my life, and the man would never align himself with foreign agents or betray his country like this. The invoice was obviously meant to frame him."

"I agree, Miles," nodded John Phoenix. "I know for a fact that the invoice was fake, because according to the invoice my uncle ordered the bomb at the exact time he was with me in Kurain village. He has an alibi which can be confirmed by none other than me, John Phoenix."

"Then why the hell was he arrested?" asked Godot. He had just left the hospital and his wings were still in casts.

"Because when the police searched his apartment they found terrorist training manuals and a portrait of the KRA general over his bed. They believe that my uncle hates America and that his efforts to destabilize the country go back many years, perhaps to when he first became a defense attorney."

Edgeworth dashed his dainty little cup to the floor. Engarde moved to sweep up the glass.

"No! I refuse to believe this.. this... nonsense!" exclaimed Edgeworth. "I've been in Wright's bedroom dozens of times over the years and I've never seen anything to suggest he is a Nazi or a terrorist!"

"It doesn't matter. The police also found a manifesto in his pillowcase. It's entitled 'Why I hate America and I'm a Terrorist: A Manifesto by Phoenix Wright'. It outlines his plan to recruit neo-Nazis to the Khurainese Republican Army cause and to cause widespread terror by hijacking school buses and blowing up important places like city halls and Mt. Rushmore."

Merlin was confused. "But wait a tick, my boy. Just what is this... Khurainese Republican Army?"

"Really?" sighed John Phoenix. "I know you've been cooped up in cave for the last 2000 years, Merlin, but really?" He jerked his head. "Miles, if you will?"

"Oh? Oh, the Khurainese Republican Army is one of the factions fighting for control of the country of Khurain right now. They're opposed by the Khurainese Democratic Army, and both of those armies are opposed by the Royalists, i.e. the Royal Family and the provinces loyal to them. America is aligned with the Royalists. Anyway, the fighting in the country has spilled over the borders and destabilised the entire region. The KRA has taken over several neighboring countries and committed numerous human rights violations."

Merlin stroked his beard. "I see.. most illuminating..."

"Anyway," continued John Phoenix, "the manifesto goes on to say that my uncle was planning to defect to Khurain and share America's secrets with the KRA."

"That's a laugh," said Edgeworth, but he didn't laugh. "No one would trust Wright with any secrets worth keeping. That manifesto was obviously not written by the real Phoenix Wright!"

"But the handwrighting was analyzed by an expert," replied John Phoenix. "And what's more, that expert was a robot. It was determined with an accuracy of 100% that the manifesto was written by my uncle."

Merlin looked disturbed.

"You got something you wanna tell us, geezer?" asked Godot. "You look upset."

"Well... you're going to hate me for this, but I believe one of my inventions could be responsible. You see, many years ago I designed a special pen that could perfectly copy the handwrighting of any person on Earth. If your uncle is truly innocent, then the real culprit must have used my magic pen."

"Merlin! Tell us who you made the pen for at once!" ordered Edgeworth.

"Ahem... well...I actually made it for St. Peter, oh, some thousands of years ago."

"What?" said Edgeworth. "But why would St. Peter want something like that?"

"Objection," said John Phoenix. "Obviously so he can sign the names of people who have lost their hands into the check-in book at the Pearly Gates. Am I right?"

"Oh yes, exactly, John," said Merlin. "The pen was to be used for good, not evil. And I don't believe St. Peter is running around trying to frame your uncle, so the pen must have fallen into the wrong hands somehow..."

Suddenly Godot's pager went off. He stood up. "Well, it looks like I'm wanted back in heaven. I wouldn't be much help to you guys anyway, with my broken wings. Heh, at least I got Gant..."

"But wait, did Gant's soul go to heaven?" asked Edgeworth. "Do robots have souls?"

"Heh, well, he wasn't exactly what is strictly termed a robot, he was more of a cyborg. But yes, he had a soul, and it went to heaven." Godot pressed a button on his pager and he began to fade away. "I'll ask God and St. Peter about the pen. Hopefully you guys can get Wright out of this mess." He tossed the handcuffs to John Phoenix. "Hang onto those. And remember, as long von Robot doesn't have hands, you won't be able to send him back to heaven." He disappeared.

The men were all silent for a moment. Then Edgeworth said: "von Robot... He's still out there. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if he were behind all this." Suddenly he had an idea. "John Phoenix, why not use your psychic powers to read von Robot's mind? Find out where he is?"

"You obviously have no idea what you're talking about, Miles. One, I can't read von Robot's mind because he is in a protective robotic shell. Two, I can only communicate with people who choose to let me into their minds. Much like how a vampire can only enter your house if you invite him in..."

So now you know how John Phoenix's powers work.

Just then Trucy burst into the room. "John Phoenix! A letter just came from Khurain! It's from Apollo and he's in a POW camp!"

Meanwhile...

Godot re-appeared in heaven.

"Whoa nelly, what's happened here?"

Everything was wrecked and trash cans were on fire. A burned out car was parked in the middle of the street.

Before Godot could do anything, what felt like a jumbo jet collided with the back of his head. He collapsed.

Before he lost consciousness, he heard a voice: "Sorry, Godot, but I'm afraid heaven is under new management now."

To be continued...