Lily Potter sat beside James's bed. It was just like their first year dating, except it was nothing like that. Back then, he landed himself there because of a Quidditch injury. Now, they were married, not dating, they were warriors, not students, and the stakes were much higher than 150 points.

They were at Hogwarts on Order business.

The Death Eaters had had a plan to kidnap a student from within the school - a false flag operation to make Dumbledore look weak - and James had volunteered for the mission to stop them - after all, his intimate knowledge of the castle was still fresh in his mind. He'd managed to save the student, but he'd taken a nasty blow and he lay there, out like a light.

Lily was going out of her mind with worry. She needed something to take her mind off planning James's funeral. Sadly, the hospital wing had little to offer by way of distractions, so she settled on old records. She couldn't help but notice a very thick file labeled "S. Snape."

I'm in the order… Dumbledore won't mind a little breach of confidentiality… wait, do wizards have that?

She tried to skip over the things she already knew about - they were still friends when a lot of that had happened, although she was surprised to find out there were things he had not told her about from the very beginning. Well, you obviously did not know him that well , she reminded herself, as she remembered what he had become. His own housemates jumping him for being friends with a Muggle-born, for example - she did not know about. She almost started to feel sorry for him again, like she used to, before he called her that , when she was only trying to help.

Her finger trailed over the words "presented with acute shock after being tricked into entering the Shrieking Shack on the full moon. No bite."

She had to read that three times to make sure she got it right. Acute shock, alright.

The folder nearly fell out of her hand. She had known the truth about Lupin for a while now, of course; they had explained what the nickname "Moony" was about a long time ago. "You mean Snape was right?!" She asked them, and they all exchanged glances. He had told her - "there's something weird about that Lupin". Now she realized that she should have put two and two together the moment they had told her - Moony was what James saved him from , how could she have not realized that? But then, why had Severus not told her? Why had he been so weird about it all? It made no sense. She continued to read and soon she reached the record of the day their friendship had ended. She still remembered it with a pang of hurt and regret, if she was being honest with herself.

She knew what had happened after she left the lake - it wasn't exactly a secret, how that had worked out. James told her it was because of what he had called her, said he was not proud of how his temper had risen. What she did not know was that "Snape was attacked in the Gryffindor Tower after trying to speak with L. Evans." It never occurred to her how much danger he had put himself in, coming near the Gryffindor Tower to apologize after what James had put him through…

The 6th year records were somehow even worse. "Brought in by an elf, attempted hanging. Does not speak." It hit Lily like a brick, but with shaking hands, she continued to read, and a cruel thought came to her: At least you aren't thinking of James anymore, are you?

"Brought in by R. Black. Veritaserum+Silencing Charm - seizure, nearly fatal, possibly intentional." That's why he didn't tell me. And I dismissed him. So that's why he started talking nonsense all of a sudden.

"Attacked in his sleep in the hospital wing, claims it was "invisible Sirius Black" - diagnostic tests rule out delusions." It was somehow even harder to take in than anything else - Lily noted that even Pomfrey's handwriting indicated her shock. Did James know about this? Did he give him the cloak?

The file seemed to go on forever. Even last year, when it seemed like they had finally grown up. Lily looked up at her sleeping husband and wondered whom she had married.

As if her disquiet was infectious, James stirred awake. "Is Eugenia alright?" He asked. Lily realized she had completely forgotten about what brought them to Hogwarts in the first place. "Yes," she answered, a distinct coolness in her voice. "Alright, I know I did not get in trouble while lying here!" James protested. He was already familiar with the many shades of Lily's disapproval, but this time, it was different.

"You were lying, alright…" she said through gritted teeth. "You have one chance to tell me the truth. Why does this file say that somebody tricked Snape to go down to the Shrieking Shack on the full moon? If only the four of you knew, who did it? Why did you continue to attack him after you have promised me you'd stopped? What else did you lie to me about?"

James blinked slowly. He could not be in trouble over Snivellus again. He had just saved a student from being kidnapped by Death Eaters. He rubbed his temples; his head was pounding. "You can't be serious. You hate him. He called you a… well, you know! Remember?"

Her nostrils flared, and her face was white. "Answer me."

"Well, you know what he was like, and you know how Sirius can get… he told him how to get past the Willow, he thought it would be funny, but I got there in time and saved him, mind you, and Albus forbade him from telling anyone, and it's a good thing he did that too, because that sneak would have had us all expelled!"

Memories of that argument with Severus swam through Lily's mind. "I don't want to see you being made a fool of," he had said to her, and she realized he was right - she'd been made a fool of. "YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN EXPELLED!" She roared, and then she realized something. "Actually, why would all of you have been expelled, you idiot? Only Sirius did anything wrong!"

"We may have gone out into the village together," James said with a mischievous grin. "It was harmless fun, Lily."

"You could have infected somebody," she whispered, horrified. She controlled her rage with an effort. "Why did you lie to me after we'd started seeing each other? Why do I see that it never stopped? What did you do to him when he tried to apologize to me?"

"Lily, enough. I have an ice pick behind my eye as it is. I don't even know why you care all of a sudden. You know he's in league with Malfoy and the Blacks and the lot of them, don't you? Can you get me some water, please? "

"With pleasure," she replied in a tone James had never heard before, as she wordlessly produced a stream of cold water out the tip of her wand on to her husband's shocked face. With that, she left a thoroughly confused and indignant James Potter to deal with the ice pick behind his eye on his own.

While I'm here , she told herself, as she decided she had to know the truth, and if that meant seeking out Regulus Black, so be it. True, Sirius always said his brother was a pureblood fanatic like the rest of them, but she did not know what to think about anything Sirius had said anymore. Absurdly, she sent Regulus an owl. The owl even looked at her quizzically. "I know he's at school! I'm sorry!" She told it. "I don't know where Slytherins spend their free periods!"

"To Regulus Black,

I need to ask you some questions. This is not on Order business. It's about Severus. Please consider meeting me in the library. I come in peace.

Lily Potter"

She went to the library with Severus's folder and read the awful history of her former friend's school years, and by the time Regulus entered the room, she felt completely lost: Who was Severus? Who was James? Who was Sirius, and who was Dumbledore? Who are you? She even asked herself. Have I done wrong? Am I the one who should have apologized?

Regulus entered the room as quietly as a cat, and Lily was so immersed in the file, that he had to cough loudly to announce his arrival.

She was so startled she threw the thick file a few centimeters in the air. Regulus's hair was a bit longer than she remembered, and he was taller. She did not know where to start, so she stared at him. "Did they not teach you how to say hello in Muggle school?" he asked her. You are not going to make this easy, are you, she thought.

"Errrr, hi, Regulus. Please come in. And close the door behind you." Like I need to be seen with you , he thought, and did as she asked.

"What is it then?" He inquired.

"You and Severus have been… you've been… together , Sirius tells me. Well, he didn't tell anyone, it just makes him so angry we all sort of guessed. And that file says you've visited him lots. Right?"

"What do you want?"

Why did he even come here if he is not going to try to- No, Lily, it's your only chance, just humor him.

"OK. It's none of my business, I understand that. It's just… well, here." She flipped a couple of pages back and pointed at the words that described what she used to think was a heroic rescue mission.

"What about it?" Regulus asked.

The lack of shock in his eyes told her everything. It was true. Regulus knew about it somehow - even though Severus could not tell her.

"I think I screwed up, Regulus, I think I made a mistake. If everything is here is true, it looks like he spent the entire 6th year in the hospital wing, it says he tried to hang himself, it-"

"WHAT?!" He grabbed the file out of her hand and sure enough, there it was. He never asked how Severus booked himself a bed there on that first night - he was just glad he finally found him, and then annoyed, and then glad again. "No, no, he couldn't have, he would have told me - shown me!"

"That's the problem," Lily said. "It turns out he was always very good at keeping a secret, and I… I don't know anything anymore."

Regulus calmed himself down. This was two years ago. Whatever Severus had done to himself then and somehow kept from him, they would talk about it later. "Only one time, right?" He asked her.

"Yes. I'm sorry, I thought you knew."

"I didn't. That was before… never mind. So, you were saying?"

"It says he nearly died because he drank veritaserum, that he was under some type of silencing charm… and that they attacked him after that Quidditch match, and then Sirius attacked him in his sleep. It says James never left him alone, and he lied to me, Regulus. I swear, I didn't know. So all of this is true?"

"Yes, it's true, Evans. Might I ask what difference does it make?"

"What do you mean?"

"From what he told me, you stopped speaking with him when he called you a mudblood. You did not make much of an effort to find out the truth about the werewolf and what Sirius did even before that. I never understood him, really - he always insists that you are different. Used to be. That you were kind, that you were best friends. Yet he called you a name once and you gave up. So… What difference does it make what Potter and my brother did or did not do?"

Lily blinked. She was not used to being chastised. It was common knowledge that she was more the type to give lectures than to be given a lecture to - but then, Regulus was right, and she knew it. She took a deep breath. "It's been hard, all right? None of my friends understood me, and he's been miserable all the time-"

"I do not remember asking you what it's been like. I asked what difference does it make. Yes, Sirius and James did everything it says they did. What do you care?"

"I care that he's not who I thought he was!"

"Who isn't?"

She thought a little.

"Anybody!"

He looked at her with clear disinterest.

"Is that all, Evans?"

Regulus was a dead end. And he was incredibly rude.

"Yes," she said, hanging on to her pride, but as he started to leave, the words left her mouth before she could think: "If I send him an owl, will he accept anything from me?"

He turned his head backward to look at her, and she did not conceal the urgency or the longing.

"Yes, I think so," he said, but he did not feel like she deserved to be spared everything he had to say. "I don't think he will be so petty as to not forgive one word, you know."

With that, he turned and left. His impression of Lily remained the same - but Severus insisted there was more to her than that, before the Gryffindors got to her, "before this so-called school of magic ruined her creativity," as he had put it. He hoped that at the very least, he would be able to call him Sev from now.