"Look at the cows, Jack! Do you see them?" Elizabeth was pointing out the train window as they moved past the Alberta farmlands on the way to Airdrie. It was Jack's first train trip and he had been mesmerized from the moment they'd arrived at the station.
Nathan leaned over toward the window and said softly in Jack's ear, "What does a cow say, Jack?" Jack knew, but he looked Nathan right in the eye, waiting.
"Moooooooo," Nathan said, doing a very heartfelt imitation, and Jack dissolved into giggles.
Elizabeth shook her head, laughing. "You two." She leaned closer to Nathan and said, "I'm not sure whether Jack is advanced, or you have the personality of a two-year-old."
Nathan kissed her on the cheek. "Both are true," he said.
Jack crawled off of Elizabeth's lap and went over to Allie. Allie bent down and put her head by Jack's and then she lifted him up on the bench. Jack put his face close to the window, waiting.
Allie breathed and the window fogged up next to Jack. She drew what looked like a stick figure cow, and it disappeared quickly. Jack said, "'gain!"
Elizabeth and Nathan watched the children silently. Without thinking, they reached to each other's hand on the seat between them and clasped them. Nathan drew her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles gently. He left it there, joined to him, while he watched Allie whisper to Jack.
"What do you think they talk about?" Elizabeth said quietly. "It's like they have their own language."
"I don't know," Nathan said, shaking his head slowly. "Allie is so different, Elizabeth. It's hard to separate how much is just that she's growing up, and how much is the town and the school and the people... and especially you and Jack." He smiled and looked down. "I'm not even sure I'm the same as I've been all these years..."
Elizabeth said, "Well, in math we say that's too many variables to draw a clear conclusion." She smiled at him. "And maybe it's really simple. Maybe we're all a little different because we found each other and we're happy."
Nathan reached up and nudged one of her wayward curls off of her forehead and tucked it in. "Until I met you I think I might have been afraid to be happy."
"Why?" Elizabeth asked.
Nathan exhaled and gazed at the floor. "I guess the easy answer is that what makes you happy can be taken away, and then what are you left with?" He looked up at her.
Elizabeth sighed. "I would say you have a space to fill and you never know what's going to fill it." She smiled at him tenderly, and leaned back again, looking out the window as they talked.
Nathan smiled. "I think my mistake was wanting to find the right-sized pieces to fill in those spaces. Especially the ones left by my father and Sarah. Nothing ever fit just right after I lost both of them. But now I realize you can fill in those spaces little by little. When Archie came back I was so afraid to hope again." He tightened his grip on Elizabeth. "You were amazing. You kept challenging me to see something more. And in the end, I did." He kissed her cheek and held there, feeling the warmth of her skin against his.
Elizabeth smiled too. "I like Archie, Nathan. You've got the best of him. I hope we see him again soon, and I know Allie would like it."
Nathan spoke softly, still looking out the window. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hope we see him soon too."
Nathan sat in silence for a moment. "I remember a few years back hearing a sermon on the sins of the father. I carried that around for a while, but now I've let it go." He stroked Elizabeth's hair gently. "I'm sure not perfect, and neither is my father, but I know that if we're worth the type of love I feel from Hope Valley, if we're worth your love and Allie's, then we're not too flawed."
Elizabeth brought his hand up to her lips, smiling. "No, she said, "Not too flawed."
Nathan continued, "And the more people I meet, the more I know that everyone is walking around with something. Some story that will break your heart. And I think if we tell each other our stories, we can get past them."
Nathan laughed softly into Elizabeth's hair. "And that's more words than I ever expect to say in one go." He shook his head. "You talk to me and I just open up. I don't know whether to be grateful or scared."
"Grateful," she said. "Because I agree with you - when we tell our stories, we can move past them." She turned and threaded her arm through his. "You've helped me so much with my sadness because you've let me tell you about Jack. I didn't have to do it by myself, or in secret, or to pretend it wasn't there. I'm so grateful to you for that."
Elizabeth took a deep breath and continued. "Because... the fact is, Jack died. I can't do anything about that. And the mistakes your father made, he made. We can't change it. All we can do is figure out how to live with it."
Nathan wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. His mouth was close to her ear and he whispered, "Wise and beautiful. I must have done something right."
They watched the fields out the window for a time, with Elizabeth leaning back against Nathan's chest, and his arms securely around her. They moved gently with the train and listened to the sounds of the tracks.
Elizabeth said, "This is such beautiful country. I grew up with tall buildings and noisy streets. Now I know I was always craving open fields and trees. It's hard to breathe in the city."
Nathan nodded. "I spent nearly a year in Calgary right before I joined the Mounties. I would never have lasted there."
Allie and Jack were still whispering and playing together, and Allie was using Jack's blocks to build her version of the ranch on the train bench, enclosing the cloth horses in a corral.
From the moment Nathan had given the carved wooden Mountie to Jack, it had been in Jack's little fist. He wouldn't let anyone have it, though he showed it proudly to anyone in town who wanted to see it.
"Nathan. Look," Elizabeth whispered, sitting absolutely still.
Nathan turned and followed her eyes to Jack and Allie.
Right now, as the train began to pull into the Airdrie Station, Jack was handing his Mountie to Allie. She looked sideways over at Nathan and Elizabeth with her eyes wide, because she knew how much that little Mountie meant to Jack.
"Thank you, Jack!" she said, and she held the Mountie up to her face and gave him a hug.
Jack giggled and then put his hands out seriously as if to say that's enough time.
Allie had the Mountie walk over and jump into Jack's hands.
Jack smiled at her and then he put the Mountie in the corral with the horses.
Nathan whispered to Elizabeth, "A lot of trust going on in this train car." Elizabeth leaned up and kissed his cheek.
"And it's only our first day," she said softly.
It turned out that when Nathan had written his mother to say they were coming, he had neglected to say he was in a cast and on crutches.
"Better to get it over with all at once," Nathan said.
Rebecca Grant was a warm, tall, affectionate woman with a big voice and a bigger smile. Her steel gray hair was pulled back into a bun and Elizabeth first saw her through the train window. She was fearlessly standing close to the arriving train, wearing a blue gingham cotton blouse and a navy skirt with a white apron, her hands firmly on her hips. And as Rebecca scanned the windows intently, Elizabeth could see Nathan had his mother's eyes; blue, focused and intelligent.
"There she is," Nathan said, waving as they pulled in slowly to the station. "And next to her is our head ranch hand, Charlie. He's been with us for so many years I don't remember a time he wasn't there. He's a good man."
Rebecca and Charlie stood next to a wagon with two horses pulling and one tied on to the back. Elizabeth watched Nathan's eyes go a little soft, and he said, "Aw, Sunset..."
Elizabeth said, "Is Sunset your 'home horse'?"
Nathan looked a little confused, and Elizabeth laughed.
"While you were on morphine, you said that you have a Mountie horse and a home horse."
Nathan narrowed his eyes at her. "Did you write down everything I said?"
Elizabeth just smiled sweetly.
"Yes. Sunset's mine. And my mother obviously thought I'd want to ride her home. Boy, is she going to be disappointed."
"Your mother or Sunset?" Elizabeth asked, her eyes twinkling.
"Mostly my mother," Nathan said. "But Allie has always loved Sunset. She can ride her."
Those last words were said while they pulled together their things, and Allie packed up Jack's toys.
Allie's eyes brightened, "I can? Really?"
"Yes," Nathan said, "But you ride right next to the wagon, slowly." He smiled at her, "Grandma will be impressed."
The next minutes were a blur of greetings and activity, and Elizabeth felt like she was caught up in a whirlwind. Allie got off the train first and ran to her grandmother for a hug. "You're so tall!" Rebecca said, squeezing her tightly. "You must have shot up six inches since I saw you last."
Elizabeth stepped down next, holding Jack. She smiled and put her hand out, saying, "Mrs. Grant, I'm Elizabeth Thornton. It's so good to meet..." and Rebecca simply took her hand and used it to propel her into a hug with Jack caught in the middle. Rebecca was a good two inches taller than Elizabeth, so she and Jack ended up with their faces somewhere in the vicinity of Rebecca's shoulders.
While Elizabeth was being squeezed by her two very strong arms, Rebecca said, "You're the first girl Nathan has brought home since he was sixteen. You get a hug, Elizabeth."
Rebecca pulled away and looked at Jack, and Elizabeth was glad that Jack was more interested than alarmed by Rebecca's big personality.
"And this is Jack," Rebecca said, very softly and bending down to his eye level. "You are a fine little man, and I look forward to getting to know you."
Once Nathan stepped into view, all the activity changed course. Charlie went to get the bags, and Rebecca went to her son. Her arms outstretched, she hugged him tightly, kissed him loudly on the cheek and said, "Dear God, what happened, Nathan?"
Since it's difficult to hug someone like his mother while on crutches, Nathan simply concentrated on staying upright.
"A little horse accident, Mom. Broken leg. I'm fine."
"Well, fine isn't how I would describe you, but we'll get that story later," Rebecca huffed. "And I guess you're not riding Sunset home, are you?"
Nathan said, "No, Allie's going to."
Her eyes wide, Rebecca said, "Good for you, Alliebeck! You're riding!"
Nathan answered Elizabeth's unspoken question in a whisper, "Alice Rebecca, Alliebeck." He grinned at Elizabeth. "You can probably already tell that she might have preferred to have her name first."
Elizabeth laughed and whispered back, "She's wonderful, Nathan. I like her so much already."
"We'll talk in a week," he said, winking at her. "Now come meet Sunset. She'll be quieter than my mother."
While Nathan leaned on his crutches and shortened up the stirrups for Allie, Elizabeth let Jack stroke Sunset's forehead. She lived up to her name, with gradations of brown, tan and yellow mixing in her coat horizontally. "She's beautiful, Nathan."
Nathan stroked the horse's neck affectionately, "She's my girl. Brought her into the world when I was nineteen, and she's been mine ever since."
Elizabeth smiled, running her fingers down Sunset's long cheek, "You were there when she was born?"
"I delivered her," Nathan said. Elizabeth saw him stiffen a little and he held the strap to the stirrup in the air for a moment, losing focus.
Elizabeth knew why and she put her hand on his arm. Sarah.
"It's okay, Nathan. Take a minute."
He breathed deeply and looked at Elizabeth. Then he smiled sadly and kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you. It means so much that you know. And that you understand."
He pulled on the strap, brought the stirrup down off the saddle, and then hobbled around on his crutches to do the other side.
The ride to the ranch was beautiful. The town of Airdrie was small, only a post office, church, school and general store that Elizabeth could see. The train station was at the hub of the town.
Nathan told Elizabeth that Airdrie was named for the town in Scotland, and it means "The King's Height." It was called that because its elevation actually made it one of the highest towns in Canada. "Not one of the highest places in Canada, mind you," said Nathan, "There are others at higher elevations, but they're not officially towns."
Rebecca said, grinning, "Oh, let us have our little measure of fame, Nathan. It makes us feel special."
Looking all the way around as they rode the wagon out of town, Elizabeth sighed and said, "It looks pretty special to me, Mrs. Grant."
Rebecca nodded, "I like this girl, Nathan." She turned to Elizabeth, "And if I call you Elizabeth, you call me Rebecca. So that's that. And did Nathan tell you that the name Elizabeth is..."
Nathan interrupted her, "Mom, let's break it all to her gently, can we? We don't have to tell Elizabeth the entire family history on the ride home."
"Suit yourself," Rebecca said to Nathan. She turned to Elizabeth and winked as if to say, We'll talk.
It was a forty-minute wagon ride from the town to the ranch and Elizabeth leaned back and just took in the spectacular beauty of the country. There were about a dozen flat farms and ranches in the foreground and majestic snow-capped mountains in the distance.
Elizabeth sat facing front on the side of the wagon where Allie was riding. Sunset was a sweet horse, gentle and content, and Allie looked so proud and comfortable on her. Allie had Nathan's bearing in the saddle; confident and tall.
On the front bench holding the reins, Charlie sat next to Rebecca. Elizabeth watched their backs as they talked, heads together, companionable from many years' acquaintance.
Elizabeth smiled. Nathan had said that by the time Sarah died, his father was already in prison. So, Rebecca had been alone for at least a decade.
As she watched, Charlie laughed and turned to Rebecca, who was gesturing expansively about something. He reached a finger up and took a strand of hair out of her eyes. Elizabeth looked at Nathan to see if he'd noticed, but he was playing with Jack. Good, Elizabeth thought, looking back at them. People aren't meant to be alone.
After a time, Elizabeth saw Rebecca turn and face the back. She looked as if she wanted to ask Nathan a question, but she stopped herself. Nathan had stretched out in the middle of the wagon with his long legs in front of him. Jack was sitting alongside him and he was currently playing the drums on Nathan's cast.
"Jack," Elizabeth said, "Be gentle, please."
Nathan shook his head, and said, "It's okay. It doesn't hurt. I don't feel a thing." Just to prove his point, Nathan reached down and knocked on the cast himself, making Jack laugh.
Afraid they may have left it on the train, Nathan said, "Jack, where's your Mountie?"
Immediately Jack stood up and dug into his pocket. He pulled it out proudly, smiling.
Nathan laughed. "Good man!"
As Nathan talked to Jack and played with him in the center of the wagon, Rebecca was watching. All of her larger-than-life boisterousness was gone, and Elizabeth could see that her eyes were soft in the same way Nathan's would get. And there was the smile, the crooked one that Elizabeth loved so much.
Rebecca watched her son for a long time. Finally, she glanced over at Elizabeth. She looked back at Nathan, who now had Jack in his lap and was explaining all the parts of his Mountie's uniform, while Jack sat raptly listening.
Slowly a grin took over Rebecca's face, as she mouthed the words soundlessly to Elizabeth.
Bless you.
