Sora and the Beanstalk
Hey there, meat bags! It's your old pal Bill Cipher taking over this little part of the story. See, this memory is a bit of a special one and in order for it to have its full effect it requires a narrator, and that's gonna be me!
Hurray!
Oh, don't worry. You'll see Sora and the gang soon, very soon. But for now, we need to get some background on this place in order for it to all make sense. Okay, now let me get the big old story book here, yeah the big old story book with all the classics. We got Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, all the stories and tales of old. Fun Fact: there used to be a age of Fairy Tales you know, but that's not important.
Now let's open up the old book, which is it, which is it? Oh, it's called "Sora and the Beanstalk" How ominous.
Alright let's do this.
So once upon a time…oh brother...once upon a time, why does every story start off that way, everything is in a different time? Anyway….Once upon a time there was a place called...ugh….Happy Valley, and everyone was happy. Yeesh, already this place sounds redundant.
Anywho.
Happy Valley was a place were everyone is happy. The hills were green and grassy, there was a nice river, some flowers and a bunch of other stuff that made people all happy and singing and smiling and what have you. At the center of it all though, was...a barn. Yep, a big red barn.
Ah, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Place is too pretentious to have just a barn in the middle of the hill, oh no!
No...it was a castle, cliche as it is. Yes, a castle. A big white castle that stood upon a hill, tall and glamorous. Truly it was something out of a fairy tale, I mean it has the big spires and the red towers and all that tacky designs with no real sense of originality whatsoever.
Darn monarchs.
Anywho in this castle was a harp, but not just any harp. Oh no! A magical singing harp, and with that harp brought all the magic and happiness to the people of happy valley.
So yeah, this entire economy is based upon a magical harp, not good long term planning if you ask me but hey what do I know. I'm just the all knowing, all seeing triangle that knows all and sees all. Their loss, I guess.
Again...Anywho!
Not only that but the harp had a name. This harp with a name would spend every morning on the balcony and sing to the people of the valley
The harps name in question you ask...her name…..was Namine. Lovely girl, light blonde hair, very pale looking skin, a golden dress and well, a big old harp attached to her back like it was no one business.
Boy, did she love to sing in the morning. In fact, she was doing it right now.
Sing it girl!
Namine
My, what a happy day
What a sunny sky
Kind of makes you sigh in a happy way
What a very merry day
All the world is gay
When your cares are light
And your heart takes flight
And you're swept away
The air is sweet with clover
The clouds are turning over
Oh, yes, they're turning over
Just to show their silver lining
My, what a happy day
Never knew such bliss
Never read of this
In a book or play
What a lovely day
What a great big gorgeous, sumptuous, thumping, bumptious, hum-galumptious, simply scrumptious
My, what a happy day!
So yeah, every morning she'd sing and the animals would dance and be great and what have you. Sheep are prancing, birds are tweeting up a storm as they fly around all pretty and what not. Not a lot of people though, just animals. It's kinda weird actually, is this like a animal world or what? Really only the heart is singing and making everyone all happy and stuff. Personally, I find it annoying but you know what, whatever rocks your boat I guess. Some people had to be into this stuff in order to make movies about it. Anyway, yeah, back to the dumb song.
Bull:
My, what a happy day
Oh great the crows are singing, oh that can't be good.
Crows:
Never knew such bliss
Never read of this
In a book or play
What a lovely day
What a great big gorgeous, sumptuous, thumping, bumptious, hum-galumptious, simply scrumptious
Heh...One fell down, priceless.
Oh, my, oh, my, what a happy day!
So yeah...everyone was happy and dancing and what have you. Basically this place was a optimist paradise. Until! Yep there is a until...wouldn't be a good story if there wasn't! A darkness came over the valley. Now this is when the good stuff comes, kids. This darkness crept over the valley and, to the horror of everyone, stole the harp! Bang. No more harp, no more Happy Valley.
Yeah so...decay famine the works all descended upon the poor people of Happy Valley and no one was happy. Like a virus it spread across all the land, the illusion of what made them happy now gone, probably made them all realize just how fragile and miserable their insignificant lives really were.
Makes things more fun for me I'll tell ya what.
Now this, kiddies, is were we reunite with the people you know. Poor Sora, living on a farm with his pals Donald and Goofy. Once they had food and plenty, now all they have only a cow well….who's an utter failure.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man! I'm good...Sorry, okay, back on track.
Oh man, I can't even describe it. Sora, Donald and Goofy in their peasant clothes in their new house now. All of them looking thin and starved. Still alive, still kicking...Still barely eating. Oh man, this is some poor people problems right here folks! Living in a broke down farm, all the wood is chipped, windows boarded up, not even good looking beds.
Sharing nothing but sliced bread. In fact, so sliced that Sora pretty much made it paper thin. Seriously it looks like thin paper, Sora cut it that thinly just to save on food.
Oh, you're probably wondering why Sora and company think this. Well...Let's just say this memory world affected more than their clothes. This is their life now, the tale must be played out. To play the part of hero and peasant, a role he did not choose but one that was forced upon him by the hand of fate.
Well….One will play the role of hero, as he always does.
Anywho.
So yeah Sora is handing out the bread...Oh boy, look at Donald, he looks like hes gonna lose it. I mean, the way he's putting out that tiny bean as his only solid food. The way he's putting it in the bread. The way he's looking at the bread right now, the only thing he's pretty much going to eat for the rest of the day
He takes the bread and beans and looks at it. Like looking at a paper sandwich. Doesn't look very pleasing if you ask me. The poor duck's eyes look red, the blood rushing to his veins, skin and bones. That duck is skin and bones.
But Donald doesn't wimpier.
Donald doesn't give up.
"SHUT UP! I CAN'T STAND IT! UUUUGH!"
Heh, guess I was wrong, Donald is going nuts right now. Pulling out his feathers, eyes bulging like a mad man. Of course, that's mostly due to the fact the poor guy hasn't eaten. I guess that's what you get when your economy is based off magical harp, instead of you know...sound economics.
Oh man, now Sora and Goofy have to tie him down and stop him from eating the fine china. Oh man, if you could see this instead of me describing it to you, you'd be laughing yourselves silly right now! It's that hilarious, watching them fight over a small tiny bean and bread.
Yeah, I'm laughing at the misfortunes of the poor...I'm that much of a jerk, I know.
Sora seems to be calming him right now, patting his head all soothingly and stuff, "There, there now. Easy pal...Easy...Good Donald."
"Yeah easy Donald," Goofy said
"Hey Donald, hey, it's okay" Sora said, patting his friend on the back, "I know that things look bad now, but that doesn't mean it's always going to be bad. You have to chin up and keep going"
"Yeah, chin up, chin up," Donald says it, but I know he doesn't really mean it
Goofy sighed "If only the magic harp hadn't gone away"
"I know Goofy, i know...It's hard, but like I said, we just gotta keep going through and hoping for the best. There isn't much we can do now at the moment. So long as we have each other though, I think it will be alright...Right Donald"
"I'll be alright!" Donald pants.
"See everything better, come on, let's have our…." Sora took a deep breath and began to mon "Flatbread and beans"
WRONG! Oh he says he's alright...but are any of us really alright? But no, in all seriousness, he's not. Poor guys suffered too much, but that's what happens when you live a life of poverty for so long.
Sometimes it can do things to ya.
"Man I wish we could something though," Sora sighed looking out into the barren wasteland, "If we could just find that harp, then maybe...Maybe we can make people's lives better you know, help people".
"Ah Sora, you always wanna help people, like old Mrs. Pete next door." Goofy said
Sora shrugged, "I can't help, I just like helping people. It feels good, feels like I'm really making a difference in others lives."
"Ah Sora, I know you wanna be the hero all the time, but sometimes you just can't"
"Well….It's better that I least try"
As these two blither on about something deep or whatever they don't notice Donald going more and more looney by the moment.
Oh, I like the look he's giving though..something twisted and sinister in this demented duck as he sneaks off, his eyes looking at the axe and- Oooh, he's looking at the cow outside! I think anyone with half a brain can put two and two together if they really think hard about it. I mean really, really, really think hard about it.
Sora hasn't noticed ...Hasn't noticed…..Oops! Now he's noticed the Axe is missing and he noticed.
"Donald! Oh no!"
Donald sneaking up behind the big cow, being all sneaky and well...a big sneak he is, "Here bessy, bessy…that's a cowsy wowsy."
"Donald, no!" Sora yelled.
Donald goes nuts, he lifts the axe ready to strike at the poor defenseless cow. I mean, seriously poor cow, it has feelings too! How many people use it for it's milk and it never gets ask, like really? Yet here we are, Donald is about to kill the cow and Sora and Goofy are gonna have to take him down.
Or at the very least nail him down and claim him.
Oh good, Sora took the axe and Goofy pinned him to the ground. Poor duck though, he looks so miserable.
"I just ...I just gotta eat" Donald pants.
"Things are getting bad aren't they" Sora sighed, "There's gotta be something we can do"
"Ain't nothing much we can do Sora" Goofy said, "We don't have anything to buy food with, and no way to make any money"
"Well ...We do have one thing we could sell"
Poor, poor duck… So, now that little tragedy happened. Good old Sora, being the hero he is, decided to sell the cow for some food. I mean hey birds gotta swim, fish gonna fly and man's gotta rip into carnage right. HA!
Already there celebrating the death of other animals for them to eat, and singing about it…..Animals.
Goofy
Hey look!
Turkey
Rumprost
Sweet potato pie.
Pancakes piled up
Till they reach the sky
Donald
Wa wa wa wa
Wa wa wa wa
Wa wa wa wa
Wa wa wa wa
Goofy
Ooooooh
I wanna eat
And eat
And eat
And eat
And eat until I die
As they kept singing about their glorious slaughter of the innocent, Sora came in giving that all so naive pose of a boy who clearly had never seen the internet before. Like really, this kid clearly has that look of someone who thinks the world is all sunny and rainbows. He's like what, fourteen? He has the look of a five year old...Anyway.
Donald and Goofy
Turkey
Rumprost
Sweet Potato Pie
Pancakes piled up till I reach the sky
Goofy
Lots of ketchup
Lots of greens
Fancy chocolates covered with
"BEANS!" Sora interrupted, all excited, as he held up a box.
Goofy and Donald just looked confused.
"What you mean beans?" Goofy asked.
"Yeah fellas, I sold the cow for some magic beans!"
Oh Donald looks miffed,"BEANS?!" he yells.
Ho ho! He's livid, he jumps up to the chandelier, tearing his feathers out. Keep doing that duck and you'll go bald faster than your great uncle did.
Sora seems a bit saddened, "But Donald, these aren't ordinary beans. They're magic beans, you plant these in the light of a full moon, you'll know what will happen?""
"Yes, you'll get more beans!" In rage, Donald smacked those beans outta that boys hand causing them to tumble into one of the holes and onto the ground.
Well...That plan backfired on poor Sora now did it.
Sora seemed a bit depressed as the night began to come.
"I thought the magic beans were gonna help" Sora sighed heading over to his bed and putting his face in his hand, "I really did"
Goofy walked up to him to make sure it was okay, "Why did you think a bunch of magic beans were gonna help"
"The guys who sold me told me that there was a legend behind the beans. Said that if they were planted by someone who was good and kind something magical would happen. I thought-I don't know, that maybe if I planted them….It could help….Somehow, I don't know".
"Legends? Sora you can't believe all the legends out there you know, even if it was true, what do you think would happen"
"I don't know, maybe, maybe...I don't know I could find the harp, bring it back and Happy Valley would be happy again".
"Sora...You can't be hero all the time"
"I know Goofy….But I really want too".
Really kid! Really! Trading his cow for some magic beings. What a moron, what maroon...what a yutz! Seriously is this kid mister hero ALL THE TIME….It's like it never turns off.
Magic beans.
By the light of the full moon.
Phooey.
And Sora, that insceptent need to play the hero. It is almost so sappy that I just wanna barf. Good thing I don't have a mouth ...anymore. Makes me wonder what would happen if he couldn't be hero.
Wait...Wait a minute ...Hold on. Oh I see something, I see something. A tiny little vine, yeah, yeah ...Folks we have a tiny vine here, slinking it's way up. Growing larger and larger with every passing second, as it begins to consume the entire house. Becoming a real honest to goodness beanstalk.
Oh, not only is it taking the house, it's taking Sora, Donald and Goofy ...Oh man if you can see this, they are sleeping...They are actually sleeping.
Up.
Up.
Up they go!
Where to?
Well….Only I know!
Stay tuned for the next chapter.
