Alice started to cry again. Having recovered from being born she was hungry and ready to get growing. Rose held her to a breast and Alice began to suckle. Rose was so indescribably happy. She looked up with wonder at the man she loved. Tears were streaming down his face as he bent to gently to kiss first her and then Alice.
Chapter 21 Fathers Day
It was 2am a week later. Beside their bed was a pink cot with gold Gallifreyan writing on it. A mobile of silver stars and planets tinkled over the baby's head and a small stuffed brown bear at her feet for company.
In the midst of this idyllic scene, was a baby crying at the top of her lungs. "Can't you tell her that she doesn't need to scream? We're right here, not on the next planet." He yawned a reply. "I did. You try talking to her. She's got your temper." Rose shot him a dirty look. "I thought Time Lords didn't need as much sleep as humans. Why don't you get up with her?" He shot back, "I don't have what she's interested in my dear." Rose threw her pillow at him and got out of bed.
"Alice Evelyn, that's quite enough. I know you're hungry but try to have a little compassion for your poor parents." Rose picked her up to soothe her and she stopped crying. "Mummma" Roses eyes grew wide. "Alice? What did you say?" "Mummma" He was suddenly wide awake and staring at them both. "Did she just say…"
"Mum mum mum mum" "Look daddy. Our sweet little Alice is talking." Rose tickled her chin and Alice began to giggle. "What a smart girl you are." Suddenly it didn't matter what time of day it was. They were all out of bed in a group hug.
Alice began to protest. She was hungry after all and was not getting what she wanted. "Shhhhh, Alice my angel," covering her face in kisses. Rose took her into the nursery and sat in the rocking chair to feed her. Singing his mother's lullaby to their daughter.
He stood in the doorway and watched them. Bursting with love and wonder at how he could be so lucky. He was remembering standing in another doorway when he was so sure he couldn't bear the pain of a relationship. What a fool he was. He shuddered to think he might have missed this. Rose was so right. This happiness is worth anything he had to give.
Another memory tugged at his sleeve. A similar image of his wife and son. There would always be an aching void where they used to be. But he knew they would not oppose his happiness now. Rose looked up at him in the doorway remembering the night he first came to her. She smiled at him with all the love in her soul, knowing he was remembering it to.
Every day Alice grew stronger. She advanced almost as quickly in body as she had in mind. By one month she had grown 5 inches and was sitting up and crawling. She could speak but had a limited vocabulary. Rose could tell she was frustrated when trying to tell them something, knowing the words, but not able to communicate it to them. She relied on her telepathy.
"No Alice," her father said. "You must learn to speak." He asked Rose not to respond unless she heard the words. Rose wasn't going to ignore her child no matter how she communicated, but she did make Alice try after she had what she wanted.
At two months she was big enough to sit on the floor and draw. Of all the subjects her father had taught her, her favorites were painting and music. She began to express herself in drawings. Simple stick figures at first, but it quickly grew to portraits of her bear and flowers, and eventually whole landscapes.
It was easier to communicate with pictures than with words. When happy, the pictures of the yard and house were of sweet flowers and sunny waterfalls. When she got angry her pictures would be full of shadows, dark colors and clouds.
Alice would hum as she drew, and her range became quite impressive. The Tardis provided her with music from across the universe to listen to, but she preferred the music of earth. Specifically the 1980's.
Probably because when a song Rose knew played, she would pick Alice up and dance with her around the house. Some days they would dance and laugh and giggle for an hour. It turned out that singing was the key to her vocalization. She learned the lyrics to songs and repeated them. Soon she didn't need the music to say what she wanted.
Rose was concerned that her growth rate was too fast. She was three months old, but already she could walk, talk, sing, count and read at a sixth grade level. He explained her two hearts gave her a high metabolism that was fueling her growth. Which was also why she loved to nap, and was always hungry.
He had such a sad look on his face while he explained. She reached out to his mind and caught him off guard. "You're disappointed." He tried to deny it, but it was too late. He looked to see where Alice was before continuing.
Looking Rose in the eye, "Please don't misunderstand, but, yes, in a way." Rose was on the edge of fury ready to defend her child like any mother. "You will explain that statement," she said coldly. He looked back at her unashamed, "I love Alice with all my being, and no one will defend her as I will. But I can't help comparing her to my son or to me for that matter.
She should be reading at a higher level, understanding more complex concepts. She's just more human than I expected." The moment he said the last sentence he regretted it. "That's not what I mean…"
Rose was trying hard not to explode. "Yes it is. What's wrong with being human?" She didn't give him time to respond. "I'll tell you what's wrong with it. We're not good enough. We're not smart enough, or fast enough, and what was it? Oh, right, over emotional.
Well you're about to get a boat load of that last one. Don't you dare look at my daughter like she's disabled. She's brilliant. I've never seen anything like it. Einstein wasn't this smart." Rose was in the midst of a cold fury.
"You say you love her, but there is pity on your face. Don't you think she can see it in your eyes, if I can? Get over it! She's not your son, and she's not you, but you're turning into your father, aren't you?"
Rose's words stung as they were meant to. He went stone cold and walked out of the house. He stamped his way to the river's edge.
The thought of him intentionally hurting Alice was too painful to bear, and he tried to justify it at first. Then he realized Rose was right.
He was projecting his own childhood trauma onto Alice. Always being told he wasn't as good because of his human half. Always being behind at everything. He looked at his reflection. Was that his face or his fathers? Was the disappointment in those eyes a memory?
He kicked stones into the river disturbing the reflection and let out a loud scream. Angry and hurt and not knowing why. He startled himself with its vehemence. When the ripples subsided he realized it was true. All of it. He was behaving as his father had toward him, first to his son and now Alice.
He loved his son, but they had always had a rocky relationship. It seemed as if his son had fully embraced being a Time Lord, and all their rules, just to hurt him. When the boy grew to a man, he had denied his parentage to get a position in the government, where he climbed his way to the presidency.
It broke his mother's heart to be abandoned in such a way. She never saw him again. Was it disappointment and shame in the Time Lord's eyes then, that had caused the rift?
There were tears in his eyes now. Both for his own pain and for the pain he had caused his children. It had to stop. He ran back to the house and found Rose playing with Alice on the floor. Rose looked up at him startled when the door burst open. His face stained with tears, his red eyes begging forgiveness.
"My father was wrong. They all were. I am not the less for being human and neither is my child!" He bent to pick up Alice and held her close, covering her with kisses. "Please forgive me Alice. I love you just the way you are."
He closed his eyes and rocked her till she squealed to play with mom again. Rose looked at them both with love. She knew it was a big step for him, and Alice. "Come on Alice." Rose stood and took the baby, "It's nap time."
He was reluctant to give her to Rose but relented. Rose went up the stairs to Alice's room and laid her in the bed. She may have the mind of a 20 year old, but the body is still small and needs sleep.
"Sweet dreams my angel. Daddy and momma love you very much."
"Momma. Is daddy ok?"
"Yes sweetie he'll be just fine. Rest now and we'll play later." Rose turned the nightlight and the music box on and closed the door.
Going downstairs she found him on the couch wracked with guilt. He looked up at her as she came over. "How could I do that to her, to them? I didn't realize it, I swear." Rose sat beside him and tried to soothe him. Laying her head on his shoulder.
"Parents do a number on their kids, and then they pass it down when they become parents. You said it yourself. A woman, a wife, and a mother. Just like you watched your father. Mum and I were alone. When I grew up we relied on each other almost as sisters. I want to be Alice's friend, someone she can rely on and talk to. But mum and I had our share of guilt filled arguments and I know Alice and I will too."
She tried to comfort him, knowing how far back the pain of regret went. "We must live life as it comes, and by the light we have then. Even as a Time Lord you can't change your past. It's made you who you are. But now, you understand, and can go forward from here."
He looked at her with respect and smiled. "How did you get so smart?" Rose laughed, "Mum called it baby brain. It happens when you're pregnant. Remind me to tell you about the eyes in the back of my head!" He laughed but was still hurting inside.
