EDIT: 3-16-2020: Will post later this week, I promise. Dealing with some creative direction issues and may have rewrite significantly! Totally lead you guys on with the binge posting every day didn't I? SOWWIE!


Loved reading all your thoughts. All I gotta say, this was one INTENSE holiday season. Everyone has made mistakes and everyone is dealing with revelations in ther own way and it's not all good for sure. I would like to point out that aside from Grace and Kate, everyone else has been pretty supportive of Christian and I know I haven't really focused on conversations with his family... they will soon happen in future chapters.. There is definitely a lot of assumption and not enough education about the BDSM lifestyle so everyone is reacting emotionally. We will see other sides to everyone soon. I think they're all just a victim of cabin fever now. lol.

To the guest reviewer who asked me to post earlier tonight. I'm tryingggg boo!

gowildcats: your review made me ugly cry... YOU JUST GET ME.

everyone else. I love you. Please wash your hands and sneeze into your elbows and stay home. BE SAFE. this coronavirus shit is not cute.


CHAPTER 20-21 - I only know that I belong where you are.

December 30th, 2019.

CPOV

I slept the entire night. Didn't wake up once. This is a welcome feeling. When I opened my eyes in the morning, Ana was still in my embrace, sleeping peacefully. I reluctantly got up, I had an unfortunate situation that I had to take care of and I didn't want her to wake up to my rock hard erection with a mind of it's own, digging into her. I check the time and it's almost 8am. I give her cheek a light kiss and get up to take a shower.

I come out and see that Ana's still sleeping. I get a text from Mia telling me that breakfast will be ready soon. I go to Ana's side of the bed and sit. I call out to her gently, stroking her cheek. She doesn't respond. I call her again and her eyes immediately blink open and she grabs my hand and pushes it away and looks around confused and starts to move her limbs.

"Ana baby, it's okay... you're safe."

She blinks a few times again, looking at the ceiling and rubs her face.

"I'm sorry. I just... that scared me for a minute." She whispers.

"No baby, I'm sorry. I didn't realize." Fuck... what just happened. "Was it a bad memory?"

"No... just... I wasn't sure of where I was and if I could still move. Plus, I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night during recovery and feel like something was off, like someone touched me but I was told that the side effects of some of my medication was hallucinations except now I'm not so sure anymore." She takes a deep breath and hides her face in her hands.

"Ana, look at me."

She slowly removes her hands and looks at me. She's not crying, not yet but I can tell she's on the brink but she's holding on. I pull her hands up towards me and signal her to get up. I hold her and kiss her hair.

"You're never going to go through that again Ana. You're never going to be touched like that again. You're safe now."

She quietly breathes and nods. I pull away from her and hold her face, her eyes looking down. She's not crying but she's barely breathing, she's completely still. I want to kiss her lips, kiss her fears away but that maybe too much for her right now. I settle on kissing her forehead and cheeks.

"Baby, are you hungry?"

"Yeah, a little."

"Good, Mia just texted me. Breakfast is almost ready, you want to change and meet us downstairs."

She silently nods and I walk her to the guest bedroom and kiss her forehead again before heading down myself.

...

Much to Ana's reluctance we are on our way to Neimans to get the girls dresses for the party tomorrow.

"I just don't understand what's wrong with the dress I'm borrowing from Mia? I really like it." Ana whines.

"Cause banana, we can't go into 2020 wearing black and besides, I want to take a last look at what they have. Maybe I'll find a better dress than the one I got." Mia laughs.

I see Ana rolls her eyes and laugh.

"After dress shopping we're going for lunch to the Mile High Club on baby bro's tab so ladies, make sure you order the most expensive stuff and eat up!" Elliot chuckles.

"Oh my god, I've been dying to go there, I heard the food is amazing." Kate exclaims.

"Ana have you been before?" Mia asks.

Ana snorts. "Uh no. I only heard about it recently and that too from Kate, but I heard they have a crazy waitlist for reservations and are insanely expensive. "

"Well Christian owns it, so we always get in and have a table for waiting for us! I also have an apprenticeship there." Mia laughs.

"Oh, I didn't know that." Ana says in almost a whisper as she looks to me. I asked Elliot to drive for today and Kate opted to sit in the front, which allowed me to sit with Ana and Mia in the back. I'm holding her hand and it's been hard to not just pull her into my lap and kiss her so I just settle on kissing her hand whenever I feel like.

"Yours and Kate's name have been added to the permanent guest list as well so if you ever want to have a girl's night out, you can just walk in and you'll be taken care of." I tell her.

"Umm, okay... thank you." Ana says in a low voice and I can sense how uncomfortable she feels but truth is she will have to get used to this eventually. Yeah Grey, that's if she decides your ass is worth coming back to.

"I for one, wholeheartedly accept this gift. Thank you Christian. I will consider this my Christmas gift from you." Kate laughs and I can't help but chuckle.

"DJ Steele, play us some music." Elliot cheers.

Ana laughs and asks him to give her two minutes.

"Since we're on our way for some retail therapy it only makes sense we have a playlist that reflects that. Therefore we shall start this holy experience with mention of our Lord and Savior, Post Malone. Amen."

We all laugh and she presses play.

Baby could you? I got too much on my mind right now
I ain't got the time to get you Saint Laurent down
Could you? I got too much on my mind right now
Time to hit Rodeo, give my baby 30 thou'

Oh oh oh oh oh ooh, ball for me
Oh oh oh oh oh ooh, b-ball for me, yeah
Oh oh oh oh oh ooh, ball for me
Oh oh oh oh oh ooh, b-ball for me, yeah

I'm on the road, I'm gettin' paid
Like what you want, baby? (What you want, baby?)
You're bougie, baby, but I love you, baby
Give you the world, baby (you the world, baby)
Paid five grand for a handbag
That's Saint Laurent (Saint Laurent, baby)
Damn, you love that money, baby (oh oh oh)
Hunnid thousand plus hunnid thousand, my whip (my whip, my whip)
30 thousand plus 30 thousand, my wrist (my wrist, my wrist)
We got alcohol plus bad bitches, that's lit (that's lit, that's lit)
I swear baby, we was just kissin', that's it (that's it, that's it)
How could I forget the shit that you done done for me? (For me)
Baby gonna take the charge and take the fall for me (for me)
Would love to take you shoppin', but girl, I'll be on tour
Sorry, lil' mama, I can't give you more.

I can't help but smile. She's so animated. Kate turns her body to face us in the back and performs the song with Mia and Ana. Elliot can't stop laughing and I finally feel at ease. Even though, I know it's short lived but I'm trying my best to stay present and soak up her energy.

We have a reserved fitting room with a private showroom suite at Neiman's that the high profile clients are allowed to use. It is stacked with the latest designs and accessories from the all the designers. Mia and Kate are going to town picking dresses and going back and forth from the fitting room. Ana walks around quietly. I watch her; she's so self-contained sometimes. I notice she gravitates towards florals and pinks and reds. It makes sense given her middle name and the color of the flush in her cheeks and her soft lips. I need to stop looking at her lips. Fuck. I need to focus.

She stops to pull out a pink dress that has flowers and picks up the tag to check the price and immediately lets go of it. Her expression is worrisome and walks away to sit on a couch and pulls out her phone.

"Hey, what are you thinking of? Why aren't you picking a dress?" I ask as I sit close to her.

"Mia already loaned me a dress and I like it. Everything here is too... over the top." She shrugs.

"Show me the dress you borrowed from Mia." I ask. She pulls out a picture of the dress on her phone and while it is beautiful, it's just black and it doesn't do her justice.

"I think Mia is right, you need to wear a bright color." She rolls her eyes "Miss Steele, did you roll your eyes at me?" she giggles and leans in "Old habits die hard."

"You know, you're making it very difficult for me to not kiss you right now. You're wearing the exact same clothes from when I first met you at GEH. I so desperately wanted to bite that lip when I saw you."

Her cheeks flush immediately. "I was wearing this? No... really... I'm trying to remember now. Okay... maybe yes. This is my errand running outfit." She laughs.

"Miss Steele, I remember everything from that day and the wedding and after to this day. If I could somehow show you my memories of that entire week, you'd see how beautiful and ethereal you were and are in every moment my eyes were on you." I lean in further and give her a chaste kiss. She looks up with tears in her eyes and smiles.

"You're so sweet to me." She says. "You're my girl, how could I not be?" I take her hand and lead her up to the dress she was looking at earlier. "I want you to try this on."

"Uh no. This is crazy expensive, I will look for something else." She tries to walk away and I grab her hand. "No, Ana this one." I say. Mia joins us as I'm pulling out the dress from the rack. "Oh my god, Ana, YES you need this dress. This is the one. DONE. This is your dress."

"Guys, please stop. Relax... this is insane." Ana tries to talk us out of it. Mia takes the dress and then leads Ana into the fitting room. I take my seat next to Elliot.

"How you doing bro?"

"I'm okay, slowly getting there with Ana but she asked for time apart as soon as we get back to Seattle so we're just making the most of today and tomorrow before we go our separate ways."

Elliot rubs my shoulder. "You guys will come back from this stronger than before, I have faith in you both."

"Thanks Lelliot." I give him a small smile. Kate soon joins us. She's picked her dress, had three mimosas and is now ready to devour some food.

"OH MY GOD." Mia bursts out of the fitting room and zeros in on us. "YOU GUYS ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS. ANA LOOKS LIKE A GODDESS. COME ON OUT BANANA."

"Do I have to?" Ana whines.

"YES!" We all say in unison and laughing.

Ana walks out, her face beet red in embarrassment but she looks to die for. I'm about to find myself in a very embarrassing situation thanks to this growing erection. The rest of group is speechless. None of us say a word and Ana looks at all of us just gaping at her. The silence makes her even more uncomfortable and she runs back and Mia follows her.

"BROOOOO, SCORE ON THAT HOTTIE!" Elliot laughs like the fucking frat boy he is and Kate smacks his arm but laughs as well.

I chuckle but fuck she looks and will look to die for tomorrow night.

"I can't wait to see Lily die of jealousy, bro." Elliot sneers. "Who the fuck is Lily?" Kate challenges.

"One of Mia's friends who has had a thing for Christian since she hit puberty. I already knew she was going to lose her shit once she saw Ana but now with that dress, dat bitch gonna dieeee" Elliot can't stop laughing.

"Well if she says anything to Ana, I will fuck her up." Kate warns.

I snort. "By all means Kate, take her out. Though, Mia and her are best friends' so good luck with that."

APOV

Holy fuck. I really love this Marchesa dress but it is freaking $8000. This. Is. INSANE. I cannot let him spend this money just for a dress that's insane. No, just no.

"Kate, can you come here a second. Pleaseeee?" I call out to her. Walking out to show them the dress and seeing Christian's face. God, I never thought I'd see a man like him ever have a moment where his jaw hit the floor and that too for a girl like me. I want him badly. I need him but I have to resist the temptation.

"What's up Steele?"

"Kate, this dress is $8000. Please tell them this is ridiculous to pay for something I'm only going to wear once."

"Steele, look at me. This is how men show affection. Let him shower you with it. I know how you're feeling right now but you told me yourself, he wants to make memories with you before you go on this break. He loves you Ana, let him love you. And you look to fucking die for. This dress was made for you so please shut the fuck up and get it because I am starving and I want to eat at that club... I'm serious if I have one more mimosa, I will start to hump Elliot in front of all of you and you know I will follow through." Kate ends her tipsy tirade and I can't help but laugh. I ask her to wait till I wear my own clothes and then ask Christian to come and see me.

I'm putting the dress back on the hangar to take back outside when Christian walks in and closes the fitting room door. Fuck. The look in his eyes is intense. I know that look. It's that come hither stare and now I'm in a confined space and fuck I should've thought this through. I try to keep my wits about and take a deep breath.

"Christian, please this dress while so beautiful is a bit ridiculous to get for just one night."

He takes another step and corners me and puts both of his hands on the wall as he towers me and leans in. His eyes looking into mine, dark as a winter storm, I feel my body light up and pull itself towards him as if he were a magnet.

He whispers in a low voice with that smooth baritone that really just melts me on the inside. "Ana, I've been aching to touch and kiss you all over and I'm trying to respect your boundaries the best I can but holy fuck it's been torture... please let me do this for you. If I can't have my way, if I can't have you then let me show you love the only way I can right now. Let me have my fill of you somehow. "

I'm losing this battle. I pull his face to me and kiss him and immediately flush my body to him as I wrap my arms around his neck and I hear a low groan. He wraps his arms around my waist and picks me up. I break the kiss. "Thank you Christian. You didn't have to do this but thank you."

"Anything for you my love, anything for you." He smiles back and bites my lips, making me giggle. I love it when he does that. It's so hot.

We head out and after another battle of wills over the fact that I'm going to need shoes, which cost $3000 because Mr. Billionaire only wants the best and to him nothing says that more than Louboutins. Honestly my favorite nude satin $70 Zara heels would've looked amazing with this dress but whatever.

We get to the Mile High Club and are taken into a private room. Everyone trips over themselves to have the chance to be of service. It's hilarious but I welcome the privacy. I wasn't particularly looking forward to dining among the other people given what I was wearing and how I don't want the world knowing about us just yet. Not when we're about to go on a break.

The break. Am I being selfish here? Making these memories for two days and then boom, I'm done. Am I setting myself up for failure? I want him. I really do but I know this is just my being needy and wanting sex. It's been 9 days. It feels like forever. But then again, I lived without out it for 24 years... well almost. I can do this. I have to be careful and not kiss him too much either... I can't afford to lose control of this situation. I need to rationally make sense of all these feelings and thoughts I have. Dominant Christian is still a part of him, that's another puzzle I need to figure out. But his lips... I just want to kiss him. No, I want to do a whole lot more with him but it wouldn't be fair to us both.

"Baby, what are you thinking about, we're ready to order." Christian whispers in my ear as his lips lightly grazing my earlobe, bringing me out of my reverie. "Oh um... I can't decide. The salmon I guess?" I look to him. "Perfect choice." He smiles.

We talk throughout lunch and I absent-mindedly take from everyone's plate, which makes them laugh but then partake in my tradition too.

"So how many people are expected at this event?" I ask.

"About 200 or so. It was our turn to host this year." Mia tells me "It's basically the who's who of Seattle, The Gates, Bezos might not come but his ex-wife definitely will. Mom used to be their kids pediatrician." Damn, the Greys really are a big deal.

"Basically it's a bunch of stuffed shirts Steele, don't worry though I hired a kick ass DJ and took some selections from your dance playlist so we can tear up the dance floor!" Elliot laughs and suggestively raises his eyebrows.

"Uh yeah, I might not do any dancing. I only danced like I did at the wedding and with you guys because I knew you and I was surrounded by family. Not really comfortable dancing in front of people I don't know." I shrug with a small laugh.

"It's okay, everyone will be drunk anyway, and we'll have tons of fun banana." Mia beams at me. I laugh and tell them I'll think about it.

Mia, Kate and Elliot get lost in a TV show debate when Christian leans into my ear "I for one really look forward to seeing you dance. Who knows maybe I'll join you on the dance floor." Oh fuck, and just like that I feel a surge of heat radiate between my legs.

"I thought freestyle wasn't your thing Mr. Grey." I poke fun at him.

"Any thing with you is my thing, Miss Steele." I can't help but giggle. He kisses my temple. "Will there be any press there?" I ask him and he gives me a quizzical look. "Yes but only at the front entrance for the red carpet, they aren't allowed beyond that. We will have a private photographer inside and all those pictures will be for our viewing only. They will not be published anywhere." Okay that makes sense and puts me at ease.

"I know what you're thinking Ana, don't worry about it. Everyone at this party values their privacy, no one will leak anything and if they do, they will have hell to pay. I can't wait to introduce you to everyone as my girlfriend. In fact I have a small surprise for you tomorrow, actually they are a few." He looks almost giddy as he says those last two sentences. Oh Christian, you're melting my heart. I nod with a smile and kiss the corner of his mouth when I really want to just climb on top of him and show him how much love him right now. I can't wait for tomorrow.

...

CPOV

Once we're done with dinner and dessert, we all help to clean up the table. Mia tells us she's off to spend the night at Lily's and will be back in the morning to help out with the party tomorrow once the crew arrives to set up. Kate and Elliot go into the basement to watch a movie while Ana and I head up to my room.

She changes into her panda pajamas again and it makes me laugh.

"Stop making fun of my comfy pajamas Mr. Grey."

"I can't help it. They're cute but I also didn't take you for a panda person."

"Are you kidding me? Pandas are AWESOME. I watch panda and cat videos when I'm having a bad day and suddenly I'm happy again." She laughs.

"Wait, what?"

"You haven't watched a panda video? Oh god, let me bless you. Come here."

I climb into bed with her and she pulls one up on her phone and we watch it. It's quite funny, Ana is in stitches and actually talking to said pandas in the video as if they could hear her.

"Miss Steele?"

"Mr. Grey?"

"Can we play 4 questions again?"

She turns her body to me. "Sure. Ask away."

"I'll start with a light one. Tell me about your friends at GEH. You seem to have this whole life that I don't know about."

She swallows and gets nervous for a bit. "Um... well, my two closest friends are Jose Rodriguez from legal, Valerie Clarke from acquisitions and Samantha Crete in Real Estate. Jose took me under his wing the first day when in fact I was quite the bitch to him." She laughs.

"Why?"

"I thought he was trying to hit on me even though I saw a ring on his finger but then when I showed him attitude, again I was really nervous and on edge because I felt like a fraud... anyway, he was like I like your fire and I'm totally gay. He liked my choice of shoes and said he'd take me under his wing and that I had to meet him and his hag Val from acquisitions." She starts to giggle and laugh.

"He's gay?" Thank God. I knew this already but still further confirmation is always welcome.

"Yeah and very... full of life I would say. I mean he's a shark and Mr. Travis relies on him but with us, he's hilarious and his mission in life is to get me a boyfriend. He calls me Asexual Steele."

I snort. "If only he knew."

"Yeah, but I haven't told him and Val anything about myself. It makes me feel guilty but... it is what it is, I guess."

"Do you want to tell them?"

"I do but like I said before, I would have to make them sign an NDA that the family gave me. I don't like putting restraints like that on relationships."

"Did you make Kate sign one?"

"Nope. Kate didn't make me sign one either, not that I knew who she was until many weeks later. She wasn't keeping it from me, she just hated talking about it. Kate's my first real friend. I mean, as much as I love Kiran, my bond with her is a lot because she doted on me when I was a child and was a big sister to me but as we grew up and with everything that happened, a lot of it became my feeling like I was in her debt, you know. I mean... I know she loves me but she's so different from me and she's a little... careless, and I don't trust her. Right now, she expects a full girl talk report on us, there's no way in hell I'm telling her shit because a couple of glasses of wine in her and it's game over... anyway... I just looked up to her like a big sister but Kate is my first real friend in life. I can tell her and talk to her about anything, literally anything. We were there for each other in some really tough times." She goes quiet and I kiss her forehead.

"I'm glad you have Kate in your corner. She loves you like you were her flesh and blood."

She gets teary-eyed. "Yeah... she's my family." She takes a deep breath. "I think that turned into a really heavy conversation Mr. Grey, sorry about that."

"No baby, don't apologize. I love hearing about your life. There's so much I want to know."

"Want to hear something funny?"

"Yeah sure."

"So, you already know that everyone at GEH is obsessed with you. Like... everyone. The things I've heard... God... anyway, so Jose is like you have to have a Grey fantasy, like... it's impossible not to and it's a rite of passage. And now we're coming up on 5 months and I still haven't entertained any girl talk about you and the poor thing is about to lose his damn mind. He sent me a voice note two days ago telling me he asked Santa to activate my pussy for Christmas and that I can't go into 2020 with cobwebs."

We both laugh out loud and fall into a fit.

"I'm so curious about these fantasies now."

"Of course you are. You narcissist." She bites back. I pull her in close and give her a quick kiss.

"You're happy at GEH though?"

"Yeah I am now. It took a while, but I'm good now..." she smiles sweetly at me. "My turn for a question Mr. Grey."

"Fire away Miss Steele."

She pulls out of my embrace a little, looks down at the bed sheet and swallows. I can tell she's nervous and suddenly I can feel the tension in the air again.

"When we met, were you with anyone.? I mean... "

"No I wasn't Ana. In my... arrangements. I was always monogamous."

"How long had it been since your last...arrangement?"

"4 months almost."

She looks up in surprise. "4 months?" I nod. "Then... how... how do you know that what you felt wasn't just because..."

"Because I hadn't had sex in 4 months? You think that I told you I loved you or I feel this way because I hadn't had sex for a while?" I can't help but laugh. I look at her and she's not laughing at all. She's dead serious. Fuck.

"Listen, Ana. The longest I've gone without sex is a year."

"A YEAR?" her eyes almost pop out of her head. "Yes, a year. Things just didn't work out, I was really busy with building GEH... " that and the fact that I couldn't really match with other petite brunettes that appealed to me. "I could ask you the same thing. How do you know that what you felt for me wasn't because of sex?"

"Well, I tried convince myself that it was just that the first night." She says in a small voice. "When we were in the tub, you kissed me and gave me this look that scared me. I almost told you that I loved you but I immediately shut it down... I thought I was being silly that it was just the afterglow of experiencing sex by choice and with someone I had a connection with for the first time. So, I thought, it's okay if we go back to Seattle and we act like we don't know each other given our positions in society, it'll suck but that's just how life is sometimes."

Her eyes are cast down. Her voice is strained but she's holding on and not crying. What she doesn't realize is that I fell in love with her then too and that I too was scared.

"I felt the exact same way you did. It was unfamiliar and unlike anything I had experienced before. Being with you was a first for me in the most profound way just like everything else with you is." I stroke her cheek and she silently nods.

"You never met anyone in college who made you feel safe to want to have sex?" I ask.

"Nope. It wasn't a priority for me, besides, I was just a recluse. I thought sex was just a weapon men used against women. I had to really condition myself out of that thought process and Kate also helped by telling me that I had to be open. By junior and senior year, I did go with her to parties and stuff but I never met anyone who caught my attention in that way. Connection was important for me." She turns to lie down straight on her back and rubs her forehead.

"Besides, when Nani was teaching me about life and religion, she never outright said it but it was implied that I should try and save myself for marriage, since pre-marital sex is not allowed for either gender. I mean, on one hand I thought it as a romantic notion and the other I thought how fucking lame for two people to wait till their wedding night... I mean at least one person should know what they're doing." She giggles and I can't help but smile at her smart mouth. "She told me about this Islamic concept that your spouse should be your 'libas' which means clothing. Your spouse is supposed to act like the clothing that protects you from the outside world, essentially protecting you from the evils of the world and hiding your beauty and your flaws because those are only to be shared between you two. And even though, I grew up and convinced myself that it was all a little too primitive, I think deep down, I still believe in it. That my significant other should be the one I share myself completely with."

Her voice is strained and she's pinching the bridge of her nose with her eyes tightly shut.

"Baby?"

"Yeah." She's still not looking at me and trying her best not to cry.

"Look at me baby." She turns her face to me but her eyes remain downcast. I move closer to her and kiss her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks and her lips. "I love you Ana... and thank you for trusting me." She gives me a small smile and silently nods. She looks up with tears in her eyes. I kiss her again.

"We're really bad at this game." She giggles.

"Yeah we are, I still like it though."

"What's your least favorite vegetable?"

I laugh. "Miss Steele, that's quite the segue. Well, I fucking hate brussel sprouts." And she giggles. "Yeah, I don't like them either."

"Ana?" Here goes nothing. I need to ask her a question that's been nagging me.

"Hmm?"

"Do you really think I'm a monster for doing all that?" I ask with a burning lump in my throat.

"No, I don't. Not anymore, I was really scared when I first found out because of my own history and also because I don't understand all of this and I need to do my own research. I've been reading up on it online in my free time and Dr. Flynn helped me understand the idea of consent in terms of the arrangement but in terms of punishment... I don't think I'll ever understand it Christian. And, I'm guessing this is part of your personality too, the part that needs to control someone else. This is all very new for me and that's why I need time. To just process it and do research and see what questions I come up with and not look at it through an emotional lens."

I nod. "You know you can ask me anything right?"

"I know but I'd rather not right now. As I said, I want to read up on it and when I'm ready we can talk about it in detail." I nod again.

She takes a deep breath. "Did you love her? That woman... Mrs. Robinson?"

I can feel my body stiffen in anger at the mention of the fucking bitch. "No. I didn't. I was devoted to her yes, but I never loved her and in fact, I was thinking about this the other day. I once asked her about love. I was 16 and in high school we were reading about Romeo and Juliet and for a brief moment I wondered about it, even though I had touch issues, I had wondered about the idea of love."

"What did she say?"

"She said it was for fools. That it was a weak emotion and she reinforced it with a..." I shake my head at the memory and pain of that session. She really went to town on me that day. "Anyway, she manipulated me into thinking that I was destined for bigger things than the primitive notion of romantic love. That it would keep me from achieving what I have today."

"Christian, you achieved everything because of your mind. That's all raw talent. Your ability to read people, the way your mind works, that shit can't be taught. It has nothing to do with her. It was all you, it's always been you." She cries and holds my face, looking into my eyes.

This is too intense. I look down. "Ana, she believed in me when no one did. Granted, it was fucked up, but GEH began because she gave me the funds for it."

She kisses me. "Again, to control you probably, right? To stay in your life?"

"Yeah and I paid her back within the first year and even helped her with her own business. But you're right she did that to control me. I've already talked to Travis to get me out of business with her and gift her my share of the salon business we have together."

"Mr. Travis knows?" She looks stunned.

"He knows everything about me from a legal standpoint. He also knows... about us."

"WHAT?" She moves back. "No... Kate told me she was going email him that I had to death in the family."

"No, I stopped her from doing that. I went to see Travis and told him. He won't say anything, heck he won't even acknowledge it to you that he knows."

"Fuck."

"Ana, Travis is trustworthy."

"It's not that Christian. It's just... I don't want to be looked down on." She gets up and cradles her head in hands.

"Ana, what's wrong?"

"Christian, I've worked very hard to try and a create an identity for myself away from the family and to be recognized for what I can do and bring to the table. I don't want those accomplishments to be watered down because of my associations. As it is, I got this job because of my family connection and it sickens me."

"What do you mean?"

She takes a deep breath. "When I got laid off from SIP, I was desperate and an old college friend from WSU worked for you guys in legal and said there was an opening but my resume only had work experience from the campus library and the hardware store I worked at back in Portland. Like, I needed a job asap otherwise I would've had to move back to SF. I had work experience from my grandfather's company but I didn't want to list them because... I just didn't but as I said was desperate and I called my cousin Rania who is head of legal at Nana's company and she scolded me. She was like I absolutely had to list the work I did for the family business. She was my reference and gave me a glowing recommendation and I fucking hated doing that because I feel like I cheated." She sobs. "And I've been trying my best to prove myself as Anastasia Steele, not as someone who is related to the family. Not that HR knows I'm related to them. I never mentioned that, though I'm sure it came up in the background check. Fuck. I just don't want Mr. Travis to think I'm a cliché. Some rich girl who used a family connection or name to get her foot in the door."

God. She's is so freaking adorable and infuriating.

"Ana, look at me." She turns to me. "Baby, I told him we met at the wedding. He thinks the world of you and he doesn't know about your association to your family. Also, he wanted me to make you sign an NDA and I told him that I trusted you. I think he almost had a stroke because he knows about my involvement in the lifestyle and my rule against dating employees and for me to show emotion and say that I love you... the look on his face was priceless. I should've taken a picture." I chuckle.

She looks at me wide-eyed and wipes her tears. "If you want me to sign an NDA, I will. I'll just have to make you sign one as well. Nana talked to me about that when I was in SF after the wedding."

"What do you mean?"

"He believes in the honor code and balance of power when it comes to significant others. He said that if you make me sign one then I should return the favor, otherwise, follow the honor code."

I smile at her. She looks so innocent and serious.

"I love you Ana. You don't need to sign an NDA. I trust you implicitly."

"Same here. I love you too... I'm still going to talk to Mr. Travis and assure him I won't be a fuckup."

I can't help but laugh. "Ana, you really need to take a Xanax." She smacks my arm and giggles. "You could never be a fuck up but if it will help you breathe easy then yeah definitely go talk to him. I want you to feel at ease at GEH."

"Will you tell Ros?"

"Eventually but we can wait on that."

"Okay... she might kill you though. She loves good gossip and doesn't like waiting for it. " She giggles and yawns. I smirk at the thought. Ros was always overly enthusiastic about the trivial scoop.

"Getting tired Miss Steele?" She nods. "A little, Mr. Grey." She lies down facing away from me and I pull her close to me, her back to my chest and I kiss her temple.

"One last question?"

"Sure, ask away Mr. Grey."

"Can you sing for me?"

She takes a deep breath. "I've only been listening to really sad songs... "

"I still want to hear your voice"

She takes a few seconds and starts to sing softly, almost like a whisper.

He and I; had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional it couldn't last
Loved him so, but I let him go

'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss, still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing but it is taking so long
'Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on
Yeah, I'm better near to you

With you and I, it's something different
I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred; I am workin' oh-so hard to get
Back to who I used to be

He's disappearing, fading steadily
When I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me, please?

Her voice cracks and it's so heartbreaking, every word that she sings is heartbreaking.

'Cause near to you, I am healing but it is taking so long
'Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on
Yet I'm better near to you
Yeah, I'm better near to you

I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I belong where you are.

I turn her to me and she's trying her best not to cry. I kiss her deeply and we drift into sleep.


December 31st, 2019.

Ana has spent most of the day helping Grace even though she didn't have to. I kept pulling her aside and kissing her. Small chaste kisses. I can't get enough of it, even though we've spent the night together these past two days... I want more, so much more. She's been flushed the entire day and winks at me every now and then.

I'm in my room, laying on the bed reading a report when I hear her voice from the threshold.

"Christian, it's New Year's Eve, why are you working?"

I shrug, "Just trying to make myself useful. I don't know how to sit and do nothing."

She rolls her eyes and it makes me smile. "Here, I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and thought you might like one too." I take the sandwich and the glass of milk and eat it. She always does these sweet little things that make me feel so cherished.

"Can I drop you off home tomorrow? I know Elliot offered, but I can take you and we can talk?" I ask.

She takes a minute to think and then agrees. I get up and close the door.

"Ana, I never gave you your Christmas present and..."

"Christian, you didn't have to get me anything. Please." I can hear the trepidation in her voice.

"... but I wanted to. Then everything happened and I could never really find the right moment and I didn't want to upset you further. I mean I was going to give it to you last night but we were talking and I didn't want to break our rhythm." She looks down to the floor. I go and pull out small gift-wrapped box from my side drawer and hand it to her.

She looks at me with tears in her eyes and unwraps it. First she reads the small note card attached to it.

"My dearest Ana,

You are the love of my life. This year has been celebration of firsts for us both and I cannot wait for the many more we will get to share. I am forever yours.

I love you.

Christian."

She starts to cry and quickly wipes her tears and opens the box that reveals a silver charm bracelet. She holds up and looks at all the charms; a teacup, a microphone, a bathtub, a bed, a heart and a Christmas tree.

"As our life will progress, we can add more charms to celebrate our firsts and the important moments in our lives." I tell her.

She looks up at me. "Christian... I don't know what to say, this is so beautiful..."

"Will you wear it tonight?"

"Of course I will."

She climbs on top and straddles me. Wrapping her arms around my neck and sobs as I hold her tightly.

"I love you Ana and I will wait for you for as long as you need. Just don't give up on me. Please."

I feel her nod. I lie back down and turn so that we're lying face to face on our sides. I wipe her tears and kiss her soft lips.

"How did you come up with this and how did you find such specific charms?"

"I used the family jeweler, I told him what I wanted and he got it done. As for the idea, I got it from my grandfather, he always gave my grandmother meaningful jewelry and I wanted my first gift to you to be meaningful so that whenever you looked at you'd see how much I love you and how much happiness you've brought to my life. As for the place, well, I've never flown a girl in my private jet before."

She gives me a small kiss on the lips.

"It's perfect and it means the world to me. Who knew you were such a romantic Mr. Grey?" She runs her hand through my hair, fuck I've missed her touch. I can feel my pants get tighter but I need to control myself. "I have to say though, your grandfather seems like a man with game." She laughs and I join her.

"Oh you have no idea. This was going to be a surprise but they're coming tonight. I really wanted to introduce you and I know you'll love them as they will you. Fair warning; he will hit on you just to make grandma jealous. It's a bit they do" Ana giggles and I kiss her nose. I've fucking missed that sound.

"I thought they were in South Carolina with your Uncle till the spring."

"They were but I missed them and I really wanted you to meet them so I sent the jet and they got in last night."

"You're such a sap. Who knew?" she giggles. "Grace will be thrilled and this is such a sweet gesture, I can't wait to meet them and hear all the embarrassing stories they'll have about you." She laughs.

...

I'm done getting ready and head downstairs. Ana told me she wanted to skip the red carpet and decided she'd enter the party through the kitchen and walk in from the side of the tent. I wish she wasn't so nervous but I don't want to push her. She's letting us make these memories and I want to make as many as I can before she disappears.

CG: I just got done with the red carpet. I want to get first dibs on seeing you before the whole world does.

AS: Haha, never did I think I'd hear Christian Grey use the word 'dibs'. You almost sound young.

CG: Miss Steele, are you calling me old?

AS: Yep, an old and cranky man.

CG: I'd happily show you how young I am.

AS: Is that so? Hmm, I'll have to think about it. I'm done getting ready. Mia and Kate are on their way to the red carpet and I just finished my call with Nani. Meet me in your room?

CG: I'll be there in 5.

God, I feel like a teenager right now as I take two steps at a time to get upstairs. I take a few long deep breaths to bring my breathing down to a normal rate. I knock the door and she opens it.

"Walk in to the room but don't look back yet." She giggles from behind the door.

I walk in and stand by the bed, the anticipation killing me.

"Okay you can look now." I turn around and I am lost. I can't move. She's a literal goddess, as if she had descended from the heavens for me, a walking embodiment of mother earth. The thought causes a swell of emotion in my chest. I almost can't breathe.

Her hair is a voluminous cloud of chestnut, no jewelry at all except for the charm bracelet. Her makeup, her usual minimal style; with some eyeliner and blush with rosy pink lips.

She cocks her head to the side, smiling, "Are you just going to stand there gawking?"

I shake my head and try to find my words. "Ana, I...I.. can't describe what I feel for you in this moment. The word beautiful is an understatement. You're a revelation, a divine revelation right now."

She walks up to me and pulls me in for a kiss letting me explore her mouth. Our tongues reacquainting themselves with each other after what seems like years. She moans and I walk her back into the wall.

"Ana, baby..." is all I manage to say as I trail kisses down to her neck and down the open V of her dress. Her scent is intoxicating, roses and my Ana. She moans and arches her back. "Christian... oh god... we... we...need to go..." she pants and almost loses her footing but I hold her.

"I know baby, we'll go... I just need you to myself for a little while longer." I kiss her again. Slow and deep, holding the nape of her neck and my arm around her waist as she hands twist my hair. I grind into her and she responds, moaning into my mouth like a song. Fuck, I've missed this. Before we lose ourselves any further, I reluctantly break the kiss and it takes her a while to open her eyes and I can see she's in a daze. I smile at her and she looks up at me and giggles. "That kiss is definitely one for the books Mr. Grey."

I smirk. "Miss Steele, I'm so honored you agreed to be my date tonight. Everyone won't be able to keep their eyes off of you."

"Yeah because I'm a walking botanical garden, Christian." She says in all seriousness and it makes me laugh out loud.

"My secret garden... for now." I give her a wink and she rolls her eyes. I slap her ass and we head downstairs.

We reach the back of the tent and Ana stops me. "I just need a minute." I can feel her hand trembling.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

She shakes her head and hands. "Nothing, I'm just nervous. I don't want to embarrass you in anyway. I know important people are here."

I hold her face and kiss her. "Ana, you could never do that. Just be yourself. Be the beautiful, charming and funny girl I fell in love with."

We walk in and I lead her straight to our family table. From the corner of my eye I can see people start to look at us. They've never seen me with a woman and that too holding a woman's hand.

We get to the table and say our hellos. Elliot whistles and raises his eyebrows at Ana suggestively and she rolls her eyes at him. Kate crushes Ana with a hug.

"Grandfather, grandmother, I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele." I see Grandpa Theo give me a sly smile and get up to hug me. Grandma is all teary-eyed as she kisses my cheek.

"Mr. & Mrs Trevelyan. I'm so happy to finally meet you. Christian has told me so many wonderful things about you both." Ana beams as they hug her.

"Oh nonsense, call me Grandma Margot, no need to be formal. Anastasia, you look like a dream darling."

I see Ana flush, "Thank you Grandma Margot and please, call me Ana."

"And you can all me Grandpa Theo, or just Theo, that name is reserved for the pretty ladies." He winks at her and Ana laughs. "Would you like to dance with me Ana?" Ana leaves my side "You know what Grandpa Theo, I think I will. You're way cuter than Christian anyway." She giggles. "Oh I see how it is, well, when his hip fails don't come back looking for me." I bite back.

I watch Grandpa Theo and Ana walkaway to the dance floor and start to dance to the band playing Witchcraft. They move effortlessly and I see Ana throw her head back and laugh. God knows what Theo is telling her.

"Your husband is such a god damn flirt grandma." I tell her Margot.

"I need to get a tighter leash on him." She chuckles. "Christian, she's wonderful, don't let her slip."

"I'm trying grandma. She's mad at me right now but I'm trying to fix it."

"You better, I want to see mini Christian's running around. You've made us wait far too long son."

"Okay, let's not get that far." I rolls my eyes.

After a bit I see Ana and Grandpa walking back to our table.

"Grandma Margot, Grandpa T has some serious moves, girl." She giggles.

"Oh honey, you don't know the half of it." Margot winks.

"My my, this December heat!" Ana laughs as she fans herself. I love her playfulness. I kiss her cheek and she looks back to me and gives me a chaste kiss.

"So Ana, how did you two meet?" Margot asks.

"We met at my cousin's wedding, the groom is childhood friends with Elliot and Christian."

"Scooter's wedding?" Grandpa Theo asks.

"Yes, Ana was maid of honor at the wedding as well." I interject.

"So when are you going to give this gorgeous girl a ring?" Margot asks raising her eyebrows suggestively. Ana throws her head back and laughs. "Have you been talking to my grandmother because she asks the same question every time we speak."

Conversation flows so well. Grandpa Theo tells Ana all about his apple orchards and she tells them that apples are her favorite fruit, and that apple pie is her dessert of choice. Margot promises Ana to make her an apple pie over dinner sometime.

Mia, Grace and Carrick finally find their way to our table and hug Ana and I.

"Come on baby, there are some people I'd like you to meet." I pull Ana's hand and we start to make rounds. I can sense her nerves. Everyone looks at us. "Why is everyone looking at us like we have horns on our head?" she whispers. "Well they probably can't believe how beautiful you are and second, you're the first woman I've ever been seen with since they've known me. All these people have suspected that I'm gay." I tell her.

Ana laughs as we walk to the bar first to get ourselves drinks.

"You know this is the first time I've been to a fancy event like this?" Ana whispers.

"Really? But surely growing up with Kiran you attended some parties."

"Nope, I was never interested. Just weddings and those were easy because we all knew each other. So there is just a tiny part of me that's having a complete nervous breakdown over the unfamiliarity of the event and people" She shrugs and laughs a bit.

"I suppose this would qualify another first for us Miss Steele. The first time I've brought a woman to an event and the first time you've ever attended something like this."

"I believe so Mr. Grey." She smiles sweetly at me and tiptoes to give me a quick kiss.

I introduce Ana to a few of our family friends and she effortlessly holds her own among them all till I hear a familiar voice call out to me.

"Christian Grey with a date, we really must be on the cusp on a new decade." I turn around and I see it's Bill and Melinda.

"Bill, Melinda, good to see you. Allow me to introduce my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele." Ana shakes their hands and we start to talk and they ask us how we meet.

"Anastasia, that is such a beautiful dress." Melinda smiles.

"Oh thank you, as much as I love it, I was telling Christian that I feel like a walking botanical garden exhibit." Ana giggles, while Bill and Melinda laugh out loud. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it.

"Bill, how was your recent trip to India?" I ask. "It was good, as you know there's always going to be challenges when dealing with the government there. It's been trying. I'll leave it at that." Bill groans and takes a sip of his drink.

"Anastasia actually speaks Hindi fluently. Daniel Wetherington's wife is her cousin." I offer. Bill looks a little lost. "Really, I'm sorry, I don't mean... I would never have guessed you're Indian."

"Oh, I'm not in the traditional sense, my adoptive family is and my grandmother taught me the language and all about the culture."

"Do you visit India often?"

"I haven't been able to visit yet but I hope to soon." Ana says, smiling wistfully.

"And what do you think of the current political situation?"

Ana and Bill get into it and it's a joy to see her counter his points with such ease. They talk about the downfall of the British Raj and the residual colonialism that still prevails and how it's still affecting India and the entire region today. Bill and Melinda seems genuinely interested what Ana has to say, and pretty soon I'm just a side piece in their little group. Ana eventually wraps up the conversation with a smile saying that this conversation is best had over chai. They laugh and agree and we decide to meet soon to talk more politics.

We walk away and Ana looks at me "Did I just make Bill & Melinda Gates laugh and then argue with them and then proceed to invite them over to your place for tea?"

"You sure did baby. You're a natural."

"Holy fuck. Pinch me." I can't help but chuckle and kiss her temple.

"Dance with me Miss Steele?" I ask holding out my hand. "I thought you'd never ask, Mr. Grey"

We dance to Michael Buble's Save the Last for Me and Ana can't stop smiling. I twirl her around and sway with her. Her face completely flushed with a permanent smile and twinkle in her eye. I lean down every so often to kiss her lips, her cheek and sometimes her neck making her giggle and squeal.

Once dinner is served and done with, Ana and I remain seated. We get lost in our own world talking and looking into each others eyes, it's intoxicating... I see Lily eyeing us every now and then. Pretty soon Mia comes by with her trope of friends and introduces Ana and Kate to them.

"Lily, this is Ana, Christian's girlfriend. We all met this past summer for her cousin's wedding and now we're joined at the hip."

Ana gets up smiling and shakes Lily's hand "Lily, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mia talks about you all the time."

"Really, well she's barely mentioned you. So you're Christian's girlfriend?" Lily looks Ana up and down and with a laugh followed with scowl.

"Lily, don't be rude. I've told you about Ana so many times, maybe you should learn to pay attention to what others are saying for a change." Mia scolds Lily, trying to hide her embarrassment.

"It's okay Mia, it's obvious Lily isn't in a good mood tonight. Perhaps a laxative would help? I hope you feel better Lily." I hear Elliot and Kate cackle as Ana sits back down and looks to me. I give her a smile and lean in. "You were too kind, I would've ripped her head off." Ana shrugs, "I'm saving my energy for better things." She winks at me and gives me chaste kiss. I feel my dick twitch as my imagination runs wild.

The DJ announces the dance floor is open till midnight and I see a rush of people head over.

"Steele, I added some real gems to the playlist. Think Cabo." He looks at her with a sly grin.

Ana rolls her eyes "Yeah, there is no way in hell I'm dancing now. No thank you."

"Come on Steele!" Kate whines. "Yeah Banana, pleaseeee" Mia joins.

"What is he talking about?" I ask genuinely intrigued "Nothing, he's added some of the songs from my Cabo and dance playlist. We just danced like absurd idiots one night, it was a real show and now he's trying to get us to do that except I'm not comfortable doing that right now." She says nervously.

"Ana, go have fun. Fuck what these people think." I kiss her lips. "I'll look like a dancing flower monster then." She giggles.

I lean into her ear "Just as long as I get to spend some time alone with the flower monster between your legs, I don't care."

"We'll see if she even wants to meet you!" she deadpans. I give her my panty-dropping smile and she can't help but smile and roll her eyes at me. "You're so bad Christian."

"You know you love it." I kiss her cheek. "Exactly, therein lies the problem, I love you." She giggles.

She sips a little more on her water and takes of her heels and winces. "What happened baby?"

"Nothing, my feet are bleeding. I didn't break in these heels and now I have blisters and chafed skin." It's fine, I just have to be barefoot, which is like heaven right now."

"Show me."

"No, don't be silly Christian, it's fine. My shoes are off and now I'm at peace."

"Ana, show me." I say sternly.

She crosses her left leg over and moves her dress slightly and shows me the back of her ankles that look sore and bleeding.

"I'm going to get band-aids." She stops me by grabbing my arm "Christian, chill out. Just sit with me. I'm fine. I'm a girl, we deal with this shit all the time."

I reluctantly relent and she gives me a kiss on the cheek and goes on to sing along to all the songs playing as everyone goes crazy on the dance floor.

A song starts to play through the speakers and Ana groans. "I'm going to kill Elliot."

"Why?"

"Because, he's doing this on purpose. He keeps looking at me and goading me. Look at him. Look at how he's dancing. That brother of yours is a hoe, Mr. Grey." She laughs. I look over to see Elliot is indeed making an ass of himself and trying to get Ana to join him, Mia and Kate. Ana turns her face towards me again and completely ignores them. A few minutes later Elliot and Mia walk over and start to embarrass Ana by trying to give her a lap dance. Ana squeals and turns her face into me, grabbing my jacket and burying her face into my neck trying to protect herself as she laughs. She's red as a tomato and grandma and grandpa eat it up. I can't help but laugh myself as I hold her. It's a comforting feeling to have her hold on to me as she laughs. Elliot's antics always got the room laughing. Ana finally gives in.

"Okay fine! I'll meet you there. Give me a minute." Elliot and Mia walk away victorious, high fiving each other. Wanna to join?" she asks as she stands up. I shake my head and laugh. She leans in "I can make a request for them to play some post Malone" she says raises her eyebrows. I pull her face to me and give her quick kiss. "Nice try Miss Steele."

She winks at me and skips to the dance floor to join Kate, Elliot and Mia and effortlessly falls into a groove. They lose it completely, acting out all the lyrics. Ana and Elliot as always trying to out do each other and it's fucking hilarious.

"She's so full of life." Grandpa Theo looks to me and pats my shoulder.

"Yeah she is. She's brought a lot of that light to mine." I whisper back

"I can see she loves you too. You can fix this. I know you're worried but like I told you with the orchard sometimes you just need to let things be and nature take it's course."

I called Grandpa Theo in utter desperation after that night at the dock and when I told him everything. I just had to talk someone who wouldn't judge me and all he said was;

Christian, it breaks my heart to hear what you went through, we should've been there and seen what was happening and I'm sorry but I have faith in you, I always have. It's time to move forward and fix what you have in the now, you can do this Christian, you have the soul of a builder, you can build this relationship again. Love is always worth it.

I'm brought out of my reverie by the sight of Ana walking towards me, laughing with her rosy cheeks and out of breath. She places a hand on my shoulder and picks up a glass of water to drink it.

"Grandpa Theo, want to dance with us?" Ana asks.

"I'd love to but the Margot here might bury me in a jealous rage if she sees me surrounded by all you pretty girls." Theo winks and Ana giggles.

"Oh just tell her truth, your hip has gone to shit." Margot sneers.

"Mother! Language!" Grace chides. Margot waves her hand in dismissal.

Ana sits down next to me and looks leans in looking me straight in the eye with playful determination and whispers "Mr. Grey, dance with me. It's not a request but a demand." She giggles.

"Miss Steele, I don't like your tone." I feign irritation

She pouts and bats her eyelashes and I have to laugh. "Okay fine, lead the way." She holds my hand and leads me to the dance floor.

She puts her arms around me and flushes her body to me as we sway "We'll start you off with the basics and I know from personal experience that you definitely know how to move those hips Mr. Grey." She winks as she reaches up for a quick kiss and giggles. I lean into her ear "if we keep dancing like this, we'll end up giving everyone quite the show." She throws her head back and laughs.

Dear beloved
Bring those 501s a bit closer, bit closer
And dear, my lover
Do that thing we never do sober, sober

The song progresses, Ana turns her back towards my chest and moves her hips lightly as I rest my face in her neck and then suddenly twirl her and pull her close to me and dance till the end of the song with my hands on her hips as she sways, singing and throws hands up from time to time. She's so fucking sexy. My dick is begging for relief as I press into her, I can see her breathing change and she closes her eyes every so often trying to suppress a moan.

Once the song is over, we head back to the table. Grace and Carrick give me a knowing smile and wink. God, it's so embarrassing when they do that. I'm not a teenager mom. Thankfully Ana doesn't catch it.

Ana asks the time and I tell her it's almost 11. She picks up her shoes and tells me she'll be right back after her visit to the ladies room. Grace joins her as well to check on last minute caterer arrangements for the midnight champagne and mini dessert fest.

Sometime passes by and I see it's almost 11:30, where is Ana? I see Taylor for the corner of my eye heading towards me. Fuck. I get up and walk towards him.

"Sir, Elena Lincoln accosted Miss Steele, then Dr. Trevelyan found them and confronted her and we had her removed from the premises."

"How the fuck did she get in? Where is Ana and my mom"

"It appears she came in with the catering service, we are still working on that. Miss Steele, went up to her room and your mother is in the study."

"I will deal with Elena eventually but I want you to find out how this happened, this is a real fuckup. Tell Elliot where I am and let know Ana is safe and now to worry. I don't want to be disturbed."

I head back into the house and check in on mom in the study. She's crying. "Mom?"

"I kicked her out. Slapped her wretched face after the hurtful things did to you and said to Ana. I can't believe the nerve of that woman."

"What did she say mom"

"She used Ana's past against her and said some horrible things about how she would never be enough for you. Then she tried to hit Ana, when she spoke back to her but Sawyer intervened."

"I'll head up there now and Mom, I'm sorry. We'll talk about this later."

"Christian, I know I've been all over the place but we're on your side. I'm sorry I didn't say that before, we love you son. But Ana needs you right now"

"I know mom. I know." I nod and close the door trying to fight the burning lump in my throat.

FUCK. Just want I needed. More fucking drama courtesy of Elena Fucking Lincoln, just when Ana I were getting back on track. Way to burst that fucking bubble.

I go up the stairs and see the guest room where Ana and Kate are staying in, slightly ajar. I walk in and see the bathroom door wide open and water running. I see Ana standing, washing her hands and forearms, I walk a little closer and I see her crying and violently scratching and washing herself. I reach out and hold her hands and gently wash them. A shiver runs through her body. Once the soap is off, I grab a towel and dry her.

She doesn't look at me. I hold her chin and move her face up to me and she looks at me with tear filled eyes. She quickly turns her face away and walks out to the bedroom to sit at the window with her knees huddled together. I follow her and sit beside her.

"Ana, what did she say you?"

"Why was she here in the first place? What kind of sick joke is this?" She asks in a low voice.

"She slipped through the catering staff it seems. It was an oversight. Tell me what did she say Ana?"

She takes a deep breath and crosses her legs and straightens her posture and looks at me. She's angry now. Her tears have stopped flowing.

"Nothing I didn't already know." She says with a chilling calm.

"What does that mean?"

"She knows about my past. She obviously did a background check or something. She called me a gold digger and a charity case, which I'm sure what everyone else thought out there too. Did you notice how for the exception of Bill and Melinda, how everyone asked how I bagged "Seattle's most eligible bachelor?" It made me feel like utter shit and it made me realize that this was just a tiny window into what I would eventually experience should we move forward with this."

"Ana, I don't give a fuck about what they think and neither..."

"Exactly Christian you don't because the world you live in is so different from my reality. I am not untouchable Christian. I am vulnerable and breakable. And that woman is not wrong. She knew how to rattle me and when I spoke back to her she tried to slap me but I caught her hand and Sawyer restrained her till Grace dealt with her... but the damage was already done." I can't help but look down on the floor as I feel the anger rise in me "She told me that I would never be enough, that I wasn't the first girl you hoped would save you, that you needs that I couldn't possibly fulfill. That when you were done with me, you'd toss me aside like all the others for being weak."

"Ana... please she's a bitter old, twisted woman and her opinion does not matter. You cannot let her win."

She gets up and starts to pace the room.

"Christian, it's not about winning. It's just... " She rubs her forehead. "She has a dedicated obsession with you. She said that she made you and that I couldn't possibly understood what the two of you had."

I get up and walk to her and hold her face

"She's delusional Ana. She doesn't matter. Do not let her get into your head. What matters most is what we have, your relationships with your family and friends. That's it. Everyone else? Fuck them. We only need each other. What we have is real. It is true." She stares into my eyes but I can tell she isn't convinced. She takes a deep breath and I embrace her. We hear the faint sounds of the countdown. She looks up at me and I give her a smile.

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

"Happy New Year Christian." She says with a small smile.

"Happy New Year, Ana. I love you."

"I love you." She breathes.

I lean in and kiss her. It starts off gentle, as I run my hands up and down her body. Her hands weave through my hair as little moans escape with every movement. I want her. I want her so badly. I walk her back to the wall and she responds. I trail kisses down her neck to her breasts. I slip my hands through the open V in her dress and twist her nipples before taking it in my mouth and biting down. She throws her head back and gasps "Christian... I.. I... oh goddd." I let go and kiss her mouth again, not letting her breathe, I take off my jacket and grind aggressively into her, it's urgent and raw. It feels almost juvenile. She grabs the front of my pants and rubs her hand over making me groan and as she's about to unbuckle my pants we hear a loud knock on the door.

It's Kate. Fuck my life.

"Steele, are you okay, I heard what happened?" She calls out from the door. Ana immediately stops and her demeanor changes. She goes ice cold. "I'm sorry I can't do this." She whispers with tears in her eyes and walks towards the door. "One second Kate" She calls out and takes a deep breath as she runs her hand through her hair and quickly fixes her dress. I quickly pick up my jacket and walk in to the bathroom to adjust myself.

I hear her open the door and talk for a bit. When I'm done fixing myself, I come out to an empty room and the rejection stings.


Authors Note: And here y'all though the bitch troll was going down quietly.

Pinterest: www dot pinterest dot com/paleseptember10/50-shades-of-love-and-light/ - check out the chapter 20-21 board :) Ana's dress is amazing!

Music:

Ball for Me - Post Malone

Near to you - A Fine Frenzy.

NYE Party Playlist

In My Feelings - Drake.

Motivation - Normani

Sorry – Justin Beiber

Teach Me How To Dougie – Cali Swag District

Can't Hold Us – Macklemore Ryan Lewis.

Blame it on your Love – Charlie XCX feat. Lizzo

Dance to the this - Ariana Grande - song that Ana and Christian dance to.