Aleck says nothing, doesn't bother to confirm or deny her accusation. It's all the admittance she needs. Her hands tremble with the adrenaline her body releases, veins pounding with anger she can't begin to harness.
The ship's flight becomes smoother as they exit Nar Shaddaa's atmosphere, leaving the battle behind, and she forces shaky breaths to fill her chest. "He knows," Jeyna says. "He knows you've taken me."
"Yes," Aleck agrees, inclining his head once. The small, cautious smile finds its way to his face. "But by the time he is away from the moon's effects on him, we will be long gone. He won't be able to sense your location."
The words cause anguish to grip her lungs, the thought of being so far away from Ren causing actual pain to worm inside her chest. "You lied," she gasps. "You betrayed me." She doesn't know if they are her words, or Kylo's, but the feeling is there, echoes of his anger and despair clinging tightly to her nerves.
The small smile falls from Aleck's face. "Ren trusted me because he sensed my intent was to protect you. That was not a lie," he insists. He attempts to come closer to her, but she staggers to her feet to move away from him. He holds his hands up in a calming gesture. "You are safe now, Miss Torre. Away from Ren."
She's shaking her head in small, mechanical movements, trying to deny his words. If she is safe now, then why does this hurt?
"Did he tell you the Supreme Leader ordered your death? As soon as the mission was complete," Aleck persists, his tone gentle. "I know you feel something for him, but you must see you were not safe with him."
Tears fight their way free of her lashes as she realizes he's right. Logically, she is safer now than she was with Ren. But she had trusted him. Even as she knew her death was desired by his master, she had felt certain she could trust Kylo. Was she just foolish? Shouldn't she be happier, to not be in that situation anymore? She'd always followed reason over emotion, but never had the two warred so strongly within her as this moment.
Her breathing is ragged, her face already covered in the wet, salty tracks of her crying. She tries to calm herself as the ship jumps to hyperspace, and she feels it as Ren's rage quickly becomes distant, receding. She's overcome with the need to know where they are taking her, feet carrying her towards the cockpit before she can register that she's decided to move.
Aleck moves to block her, putting himself firmly in front of her. "You can't go in there, Miss Torre."
She searches his face in frustration. "I want to know where you're taking me. I deserve to know what's happening to me!" The helplessness of the last several weeks of her life compounds, and she rants. "It's my life, I'm tired of people deciding where I go and what I do!"
The older man frowns, but doesn't budge. "I am sorry, but you cannot see the navigation charts. Ren's connection to your mind is too strong. He will know our destination if you see any clues."
Her irritation falters as she wonders if the urge to see the cockpit had come from her, or Kylo. Could he do something like that?
"So what now…" she whispers, dejected. "I go from being a prisoner of the First Order, to being a prisoner of the Resistance?"
"Of course not," Aleck says. "You are not a prisoner. We will keep you safe, and ensure Ren can't use you to find whatever the Sith Lord Revan left behind."
Jeyna understands, suddenly. "That's what this is really about, then. Keeping the First Order from gaining an edge over you, whatever that might be." Her voice comes out defeated, bitter.
He shakes his head, eyes sad. "An action can have more than one purpose, Miss Torre."
She twists her mouth in a rueful mockery of a smile, not believing him. The Rebels wouldn't have bothered with saving her if she didn't hold the key to keeping something powerful from the Supreme Leader. She feels like she's become a pawn in their game, nothing more.
Later
Despite Aleck's insistence she is not a prisoner, Jeyna finds herself locked into one of the small dormitories. She is sleepy, her eyes dry and sore from crying, her mind drifting towards the haziness that accompanies tiredness. It's been over twenty four hours since she's last slept, but she is too worked up to relax.
How had Ren not discovered Aleck was a double agent? Was the operative really that good at covering his mind, hiding his true purpose? Or had Ren neglected to look further into the man's mind?
Furthermore, shouldn't she feel something more like relief than the current agitation? She is away from the threat of Hux and Snoke. But could she trust the Resistance any more than she could trust the First Order? What is to stop them from coming to the same conclusion as Hux, that the best way to stop Ren from completing his mission is to kill her?
Jeyna paces, rubbing her temples. Her head hurts, but it is not a typical headache. It feels like the air is pressing down onto her skull, pressure building all around her brain.
She pauses when she hears the lock creak back, turning to see the door to the dormitory open a crack. The man's face that appears is not Aleck's, and she furrows her brow in confusion. He's dark haired, handsome. He smiles brightly when he sees her, but the grin immediately vanishes when she scowls in return. She feels awful, and it makes her resentful of the stranger.
He cracks the door open a little more, showing her the food he's brought. "Aleck said to let you rest, but I figured you'd still be up. You hungry?"
Her stomach does give a slight growl, and she realizes it has been a while since she's eaten. She shrugs, retreating to sit on one of the bunks. He tentatively eases himself the rest of the way into the dorm, walking forward to put the food onto the little table.
She surveys him, noticing he's dressed like a pilot, and somehow has the attitude to match. He does the same to her, looking over her with something akin to curiosity in his eyes. She pulls the jacket closed over her chest, remembering the clinging material of the smuggler clothes she's wearing. "Who are you?" she asks finally, hoping to break the tension.
He gives her a regretful look. "I'd rather not say," he admits. "Since I'm about to play the galaxy's most dangerous game of keep-away with Kylo Ren's girl."
Jeyna doesn't hide it as her face falls at his secrecy, looking away from him. She sees him shift uncomfortably out of the corner of her eye. "Hey, can I get you anything?" he asks. "Something to read, while you're stuck in here? Maybe some blankets?" She looks at the cot at the same time he does, it is bare. She sighs.
"How long am I going to be kept locked in here?" she asks.
He picks up a chair from where it was laying, on its side, by the table. He drags it, stopping a few feet away from her to leave a small space between them. He plops down onto it, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "It depends. We need to find out how to weaken or block the connection he's got with you. Until then, you can't know where you are."
She frowns. "There's only so many places you could hide me," she reasons. "Backwater planets far from First Order territory, would be my guess. You're not going to take me to one of your strongholds. That would be a bad idea."
The man grimaces at her in response. "Aleck said you're smart. That might be to your disadvantage right now."
"What do you mean?"
"For your own sake, you need to not figure it out," he insists. His eyebrows raise when he sees the frown deepen across her face. "You can't want to go back to him?" he asks, doubt filling his voice.
Jeyna looks away from him, not wanting him to see that her eyes are welling with tears. He's with the Resistance, he probably hates Kylo Ren or thinks he's a monster. He won't understand her reluctance, or worse, he'll think she's pathetic.
"Hey…" the pilot says softly, uncertainly. She attempts to give him a glare.
"You won't understand," she snaps.
"Maybe not," he agrees. "I'm a pretty simple guy. I fly ships and blow stuff up. But all I'm saying, is… You have to do what's best for you. Even if it's hard."
She hisses a breath in at his words, trying to harden her eyes unsuccessfully. "And what if I don't think joining the Resistance is what's best for me? What if I want to be free of all of this, and tell all of you to go space yourselves?" She knows as the words leave her, that she doesn't mean them. How could she walk away from this tangled mess?
He smiles as if trying to be reassuring. "Then let's get you to the point where you can do that. You don't have to join us. But right now, you should work with us. Let us help you."
She avoids looking at him for long, still torn. The logic of his argument is infallible, but she can't suppress the part of her that is screaming at the threat of losing Ren, forever. She clenches her fists, nails biting into the palms of her hands. His smile fades, and she sees pity fill his eyes. It only makes the tears that have been pooling fall once more, and she harshly brushes them off her cheeks, mad at herself for the emotions she wishes would go away.
"Look, I…" he begins, before stopping. He shifts in his seat, eyes leaving hers to scan across the bare room.
"You don't have to try to make it better," she whispers, wishing he'd just leave her alone.
"It's not that… I just have to say this," he says, seeming to decide something. His gaze returns to hers, serious. "You know that Kylo Ren can put thoughts into other people's heads, right? Like mind tricks?"
Jeyna furrows her brow, confused at where he is going with his question. "I guess. Why?"
The pilot looks torn before he forces out, "How do you know that your feelings for him came from you? How do you know he didn't put them there?"
She recoils as if he's physically slapped her. Horror creeps in, sending goosebumps erupting across her skin as she suddenly doubts herself. She suddenly doubts everything that has happened with Ren.
But no, that's not possible, is it? He wouldn't do that to her, would he?
Her mind is spinning at the man's suggestion, and she feels nauseous. Her fingers dig into the thin mattress of the cot, trying to right herself as she feels like the world is tilting. She tries to hang onto the truth. But how can she know for sure what the truth is? How does she know if she can trust her feelings?
Jeyna feels like she might be sick, curling in on herself, shrinking back from the man sitting in front of her. She pushes her hands over her eyes, ignoring as he attempts to calm her.
"I'm sorry, kriff, I shouldn't have said that," he rambles, reaching as if to touch her, to console her, before he drops his hand. "I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry-"
She's barely registering his words. The intensity of her attraction to Ren is like nothing she's ever experienced before. She knows it is extreme, all consuming. But he'd tried to distance himself at first, hadn't he? She'd been so curious about him, she'd thought he was beautiful at first glance… Surely the pilot is wrong?
But what if he isn't? What if this has all been a ploy, a manipulation? And she has been too naïve, too desperate for attention and affection, buying into the lust that fogged her sanity? Has she been a fool, all along?
The pressure in her head grows worse, and she realizes she's collapsed onto the cot. The pilot is hovering over her, looking distressed. She turns from him, hiding her face and trying to fight the sobs that want to wrack her body.
"Get out," she gasps. He doesn't move. "Please, get out…" Her plea is a whimper, and he finally moves. He apologizes one more time before she hears the door shut, the lock clicking securely into place.
Jeyna lets herself cry for a few moments, before she can't resist the pain in her head anymore. She gives in, reaching out in the force. She wants to feel his presence, the way she had before. But she isn't trained, she has no idea what she's doing. And she's weak, it feels like bumbling about in a void. There is nothing there, she can't sense him in her mind.
"Kylo…" she whispers his name like a prayer, fighting back sobs. She doesn't want to be this way, weak with doubt, overcome with emotion.
She wants to trust herself, to trust that the feelings for him are real. She wishes she could be strong and do what is best for herself despite the longing. But she is still grasping, reaching into the great expanse between them, and coming up empty.
Much Later
Jeyna's in a half awake, half asleep state, fighting unconsciousness but losing the battle. She hears the door open, feels someone drape blankets over her. She stays still, hoping they'll assume she's asleep. It must work, they leave.
She is still curled up on the cot, having settled herself down but still feeling just as confused and upset. The blankets warm her gradually, and eventually sleep tugs more persistently on her. The more she gives in to its lure, the more the pressure in her head abates. As she finally falls into the dark grasp of sleep, the pain is gone. Her mind feels free.
Jeyna dreams he's with her, his arm wrapping around her waist, pulling her back against him. The heat his body gives off seems so real, her back pressing against the solidness of his chest. Sleep dulls her defenses, and she doesn't bother to fight against the relief of his touch as his hands settle on her body.
I'm coming for you.Joy fills her at the sound of his voice, determined and very real.
"I don't know where I am." She dreams she answers him, but the words don't want to leave her mouth, even as she thinks them.
That won't stop me for long.She shivers at the ghost of his lips on her neck, before they abandon her and his voice turns quietly furious. I'll kill anyone who gets in my way.
Her heart pounds at the threat, promised directly into her ear, before her mind deliriously tries to drag her into consciousness. She startles, the dark dormitory greeting her eyes. She's alone. But she can feel it, making itself known. The barest trace of his presence. He's holding on to her mind.
