"I've got to tell someone

Tell them what I know you've done."

November 11th,

I have not written for a long time, if you've noticed, and not just because I was physically incapable. My heart just isn't in it anymore. I know I've said this journal is a way to keep me from insanity, but… can anything help me at this point?

I will not tell you what happened. I know I told you Caius was back, but…

No. Stop it, Aster. Don't think… don't ever think. Thinking is poison. I've come to believe the brain is no more than a useless instrument, designed to drive one insane. What help has it been to me in hell? What fascinating escape have I devised; what adventures?

I'm cold. I'm hungry. I'm hurting so freaking bad I can't even think. Language I've never used before comes spilling out of my mouth, barely avoiding these pages. I curse everyone from Aro to myself to the horrible fate that brought me here in the first place.

It hurts, Mom and Dad. I can hardly breathe for the pain.

Who am I talking to? Are you listening?!

November 13th,

I've been moved. Aro caught me writing yesterday, when he came to take what he wanted from me.

"I confess, my dear girl, I'm growing quite tired of this book of yours. Shall I read it, do you suppose? I'm sure you have many flattering comments about us."

He looked down at where I lay on bloodstained sheets. "Did you hear me, Aster?"

"Please," I whispered. "Please don't. It's all I have."

"All you have?" he chuckled. "You make it sound so dramatic. Very well, then. You can keep your book, but I think it's about time we started singing a different tune."

He snapped his fingers. Seconds later, I found myself airborne, being carried by someone much stronger than I was. Their arms jostled me about roughly. I must have cried out at some point, for I heard Aro tsking sympathetically as he followed us. We went down, down, for what seemed forever, until finally they deposited me in this…

Dungeon. There's no other word for it. It's small, cramped, leaks moldy water, and I swear I can hear the rats at night, scurrying with sick movements above my head. It is also terribly cold; much more so than my old room. At least I had a blanket and a bed. I have nothing now. They won't even feed me. I can only pray this is the final trick up Aro's sleeve.

November 17th

I can't sleep. I don't even know what time of day it is. There's no way to tell here. No windows. No clocks. My body is shivering too badly to relax. The constant movements give me terrible agony. How long does it take for a rib to heal? I'm so frightened of the pain; you think I'd be numb to it by now. But I can't—I shouldn't complain. Maybe I should be grateful he only broke one. Maybe I should rejoice it isn't piercing any internal organs. Maybe I should—

Stop it! Just... stop.

November 18th,

Forced myself to write again today, although I'm exhausted after so little sleep last night. Please, please don't let him take Renata from me! I wouldn't mind seeing Marcus, either, but his presence here is even less of an option. He hasn't spoken to me since he carried me from that horrible room.

November 21st,

She came! I feel like such a baby right now, the tears rolling down my cheeks. I would have mauled her when she walked in the door, but I can still barely move my arms.

"Hello, love." She hugged me, very gently, and immediately began tending to my needs. "I brought you something," she whispered.

My stomach groaned as she pulled a soft roll from inside her cloak. I held it in my hands for a moment, just appreciating its smooth texture and warm, buttery smell. Finally, at her coaxing, I bit into it. A moan escaped me.

"Do you like it?" she asked. Her smile warmed my heart, despite the fangs. .

"God, yes. Where did you find it?"

"It was in the pocket of one of my—" She stopped, blushing a little. "I just… found it. Go on. Eat every bite."

I knew what she was going to say, but didn't think of it. I wanted to keep my appetite until every last, glorious crumb was gone. I looked at her pleadingly for more, but she shook her head. "Even if I could find where Aro stores food for guests, I could only give you a bit at a time, Aster. He was complaining just the other day about how tasteless your blood was. Don't you think he'd notice if you started gorging?"

My lips spread in a chapped grin. I'd always wanted to get back at him somehow. "Do you think that means he'll stop coming?"

"I don't know. You've worn their patience so thin, Aster." She looked sadly at me. "I don't see much hope for you now."

"That's alright," I said, patting her arm. "I never saw any to begin with."

November 25th

So strange. For the past four nights now, I've woken in the middle of the night to find a large fur robe draped over me. It's very heavy, almost like a bear's fur, and smells rather queer. I always fall asleep again, toasty warm, but in the morning it's gone. Is it Renata? Do I have another good angel? She barely looks fit enough to carry such a thing, but then again I'm forgetting a vampire's strength.

the 29th?

I'm sorry I'm not keeping up with the dates, but my mind is starved for nourishment just as well as my body. It's so difficult to think. The cramping is getting worse. Knives tease my chest.

One day later…

Renata left a note in my cell last night. I can barely move, but she had scrunched it up, pressing it into my hand while I slept.

My hand's shaking while I write, but I might as well put it down here. The first lines were scribbled in a foreign tongue, then quickly replaced by English:

"He's keeping me from you. I'm sorry. I was stupid to think I could get away with the food. I care for you so much. Please, please keep fighting."

I could kick myself, just reading this again. "Of course," I groan aloud. "He reads minds."

Aro doesn't come anymore, for which I'm thankful, but… but that means no one comes. Ever

It's quiet again.