Chapter Twenty Three
July 2003 (Continued)
She ran out the door. "Jasper! Wait!" He was already down the block, preparing to cross the small street.
He turned. "Go back, Alice."
"No. We need to talk. You need to talk to someone, Jazzy. Please?"
He blew out a breath. "Fine. The house is this way. We'll get my bike. I can't stand the thought of anyone else trying to come out here and talk to me right now."
She bit her lip and followed him. He kept up a rather brisk walk and she had to jog to keep up with him as his long stride ate up the concrete path beneath their feet.
"Jas…" she said breathlessly. "Can...you...slow...down?"
He turned and almost a hint of a smile graced his features. "You are a short little midget, aren't you, Alice."
Her lower lip poked out, but she gasped as he turned and grabbed her, tossing her onto his back. "Hold on, we've got to get the fuck out of here."
Her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms wrapped around his neck. She was thankful she had decided to go with the rather flared skirt she now wore instead of the pencil skirt she had contemplated this morning.
His walk increased and before she knew it, they were stopped before an old house. "Is this...?" she asked.
He nodded. "Yeah, it's Mom's."
"Jazz, I'm so sorry."
He shook his head. "It's not your problem, Alice." He sat her down on her feet and went to the shed behind the house. She trailed behind him slowly, minding her shoes in the muck and mire that was the side yard. He turned to her as he opened the garage door on the building. "I'm getting the fuck out of here, Alice. Are you sure you want to go with me?"
I'd go anywhere with you, she thought. But to him, she said, "Yes. I'm sure."
He nodded again and slid onto the bike. He handed her a helmet and she just looked at it. "You comin'?" he asked, his accent sounding rather thick in those two words.
She held in the grimace as she jammed the helmet on her head and over her very nice looking hair and straddled the bike behind him. She felt him almost give off a shiver, and she wanted to ask if he was alright, but he gunned the engine and shot out of the garage. She let out a scream and clamped her arms around his waist. She thought she heard him laugh, but she wasn't sure.
They drove for what seemed like forever before he pulled into a roadside motel. He tossed down his kickstand and stood, turning to look at her. Her eyes were huge and he said, "It's not like that, Ali. I just...I need to rest. I'm..."
She nodded. "I understand." She tossed her leg back over the bike, giving him a rather nice view of her black lace panties, and stood. She removed her helmet and he grinned.
"Does it look that bad?" she asked.
He shook his head, his lips still twitching, and ran his hands through her short black locks. "No. In fact, the wild look is a good one for you, Alice."
She shot him a look before he took her hand and led her into the motel's lobby. It took them only a few moments to get a room. Jasper paid with cash, and the bored looking woman behind the register all but ignored them both as she took the money and handed over a key.
It was Jasper's turn to look unsure and Alice took the key from him when they stepped outside. "Let me, Jazzy. Let me take care of you, alright?"
He nodded and followed behind her as they went to their room. It was minimalistic, Alice noted, but it was at least clean, and while it looked outdated, she felt sure that the bedding had been changed after the last tenant had vacated it.
They walked to separate sides of the bed and sat down before they both flopped backward onto the pillows.
They were both silent for a few moments before he broke the quiet. "God, Alice, I'm sorry."
"For what?" she asked, confused.
"I've just...what I did...what I said..."
"It had to come out," she said softly. "You needed to get it out."
"I should have seen a shrink instead of bottling all that shit up inside of me. I should have..."
She turned over and put a finger on his lip as she propped up on her elbow. "Jasper, thinking of all that you should have done, all the things that could have happened and didn't...they don't do you any good."
"I've let everyone down," he said in a small voice.
She moved closer to him, wrapping herself around him in the effort to hug him tightly. "You haven't, Jasper," she said into his chest, breathing in his smell. He always smelled good, even if he more often than not had that cigarette smell clinging to him, that, along with the sandalwood soap, Bulgari cologne, and Big Red chewing gum he always chewed, it was distinctly him. "You need to concentrate on you. Fuck them if they can't see that."
He stayed silent for a minute. "I hurt everything I touch. You probably need to run away from me, little girl."
She shook her head. "I've been fucked up for a long time, Jasper. Trust me, I can handle myself."
"I'm not sure I can," he muttered.
She looked up at him and he put a hand on her face, bringing it closer to his own. "Alice..."
She inhaled sharply and with a little nod, effectively making up her mind, she dropped her lips to his.
He let out a tiny moan and tried to push her away. "No," she whispered against his lips. "Please, Jasper. Let me help you."
"How?" he asked softly.
She pulled away and lifted off her top, showing that she hadn't worn a bra under her blouse, as it had one built in. "By helping you to forget, if just for a while," she replied before she moved to straddle his waist.
He looked up at her with an awed expression on his face. "I thought you and James..."
She shook her head. "I'm too fucked up for a relationship, Jasper, same as you." It wasn't exactly true, but Jasper didn't need to know that James had proposed to her. Twice. And each time she had turned him down. She had often wondered why he still stayed with her, but she didn't question it as she needed James for her own sanity. But Jasper needed her for his, so she slowly, while still maintaining eye contact, moved down his body to unfasten his pants.
She felt him, long and hard, beneath the fabric and tugged it out of the way until he was exposed to her. She looked down at him for just a moment before her eyes traveled back up to his.
"Alice..." he started, but then he whimpered as she enveloped him in her mouth. "Fuck," he muttered as she began suckling on him.
She took him almost to the brink before he pushed her away and pulled her up to him. "I need to see you, all of you, Ali," he whispered.
She nodded and said, "I need to see you too." She started tugging on his shirt and together, they undressed his upper half. She slithered down his legs and tugged until his pants were off as well. She moved to stand and went to unbutton her skirt when he said gruffly, "Leave it on. Just take off your panties."
She felt them dampen with his words and complied before she went back to the bed and straddled him once more. She ran the head of his cock against her wet lips and they both moaned. "Jasper..." she breathed.
Their eyes met as his hands went to her hips. She gave him a slight nod and he slipped inside of her. Both their eyes closed and the connection was broken momentarily as they reveled in the sensations. His hands tightened on her hips, and hers traveled down his chest to play with his nipples as they began to move. Both opened their eyes, just enjoying watching the other as their bodies slid together.
"You are so beautiful," he murmured.
"So are you," she replied.
He didn't respond, save for moving a hand to her clit and rubbing it furiously. She let out a long moan before she screamed and came, drenching his cock in her juices.
"Fuck," he murmured again as he rolled them. He looked down at her. "You feel like heaven, Alice," he said.
She held in the tears as she reached her hand up to his face. He closed his eyes and rubbed her hand with his cheek before he dipped down to suckle on her neck. Her legs wrapped around him tighter as he continued to thrust into her. He was gentle though, loving, and that hurt her worse than if he had just fucked her, but she knew he needed this, knew he needed the release, so she allowed him to love her until she had gone up and over once more, dragging him with her.
He blew out a breath as he lay on top of her. "Thank you," he muttered before he dozed off, the stress of the last few days catching up to him.
Only when she heard his soft snores did she let the tears fall. "I love you, Jasper," she whispered. "I always have, I always will...but you aren't ready for me yet." She slid out from under him and went to wash their union from her body.
She stood under the steaming water and sobbed for the longest time, and when she emerged, dressed once more, she tapped his shoulder. "Jasper, we need to get back."
He startled awake and looked around. He smiled for just a moment before he remembered exactly what they had done. "God, Alice, I'm so..."
She put her finger over his mouth for a second time that day. "No, don't you dare apologize. It happened, it was great. But we're friends, and that is all."
"Do you hate me?" he asked, his voice sounding small.
Her heart ached with the desire to just hold him and love him, but she held it in as she said, "Of course not, Jasper. I could never hate you. But...this can't happen again, okay? James...James asked me to marry him."
Jasper sucked in a sharp breath. "And you said?"
"That I'd have to think about it."
"So...you're going to say yes."
"I don't know. But it's not fair to him."
"You weren't saying that earlier," he said stiffly.
She nodded. "You're right, I wasn't. But now I am."
"Are you always this fickle?"
She felt her temper flare and said sharply, "I'm a whore, Jasper, just like every other woman on the planet."
"That isn't true," he growled.
She smiled in spite of herself and shrugged. "Eh, well, you've got your version, I've got mine. But I do know we need to go. We need to get back. I'm sure everyone is worried about us."
He heaved out a breath and stood. He dressed quickly and together, they walked out into the rapidly approaching twilight. They were silent as she strapped on her helmet once more and he started the bike. They didn't attempt conversation, and if it wasn't for her having to wrap her arms around him for stability, he could tell she wouldn't be touching him at all.
They made it back to Emmett's mother's house, figuring everyone would be there, but when they walked in, the only person there was Emmett's mother, whose face was tear-stained. "Hey, Mom," Jasper said softly.
"Oh, Jazzy! Hon, I'm so sorry!" she sobbed as she ran to him.
He hugged her tightly and kissed her temple. "I'm sorry I didn't tell."
"We-we'll get you help, Jasper. I promise, you'll be fine."
He nodded. "I know." He pulled away. "Where is everyone?"
"Oh, dear. You don't know yet what happened."
Alice's eyes grew a little wider. "What happened, Mrs. McCarty?"
"Edward and Jacob started fighting about something. Edward jumped onto him, knocking the whole pew askew. He...it was an accident, but..."
"Who was hurt?" Alice asked softly.
"Esme. There was so much blood...they rushed her to the hospital. I haven't heard anything yet..."
Alice and Jasper exchanged a look before they ran back out to his motorcycle. "Do you know where they'd go?" she asked.
He nodded. "Biggest hospital around is a thirty minute drive, we can be there in fifteen with me driving."
She wrapped herself around him again. "Don't get us killed or caught," she said as the engine roared to life once more.
They arrived at the hospital and dashed up to the front desk. "Esme Cullen was brought in, emergency, I'm her sister," Alice said without missing a beat.
The woman behind the desk consulted her computer and directed them to the waiting room. They dashed up the stairs, not even bothering with the elevator, as the maternity ward was only on the second floor. They found the waiting room and Alice asked, "What happened?"
Bella and Rosalie both had tear streaks down their faces and Lynessa was sitting in Jacob's lap, apparently asleep. Bella sniffed and said, "It was an accident, a horrible, terrible accident..."
Jasper swallowed hard and looked around the room for the other men. Emmett was sitting next to Carlisle, who was holding Foster, murmuring in a low voice and Edward was sitting by himself in a corner, his head in his hands. Jasper could hear him sobbing from across the room. "Tell us," Jasper demanded quietly.
"After...after you left," Rosalie started. "After you left, Lyn was crying and Jake started rubbing her arm, holding her, like a boyfriend should, you know?"
Jasper nodded and briefly wondered if he should do the same for Alice, but she was already wrapped up with Bella, both of them now crying, as Rosalie tried to tell the tale.
"Edward got all up in arms about it. Some words were exchanged, things got heated; you know those two hot-heads." She shook her head, seeing it in her mind's eye. "Then Edward just jumped Jacob. In his rush, he knocked into Lyn, who knocked into Carlisle, who knocked into Esme. She fell and hit her head pretty hard. She passed out instantly. Blood started gushing from the wound. Luckily, we had a nurse right there, and Jamie jumped in, calling for an ambulance even as she started applying pressure to the wound. But...that wasn't the only place she was bleeding from..." Rosalie trailed off as she got choked up again.
"The baby," Jasper said.
"We haven't heard anything," Bella added. "Jamie...she rode in the ambulance with Esme. They took her right into surgery. Jamie came out not long after and..."
"She said Esme's placenta ruptured." Rosalie managed as Alice gasped. "They were rushing to get the baby out. But her brain...she had a bleed or a rupture or something in her head too...she's got a neurosurgeon and an OB/GYN in there working on her."
Jasper felt tears sting his own eyes. He had never really wanted children, had never really thought he would be straightened up enough to have any, but he did feel like Carlisle deserved only the best in life, because Carlisle wasn't fucked up and he didn't deserve this torture that was being placed upon him.
He looked over at Carlisle and Emmett once more before he decided that he probably needed to talk to Edward. He felt sure that Edward felt that this was his fault. And while he was right in a sense, this was something that was a freak accident. It could have been anyone, it could have happened to anyone, and as such, it was not Edward's fault. So he sucked in a breath and walked over to Edward. "Ed, man," he started.
"Just shut the fuck up, Jasper," Edward said. "I feel bad enough as it is." He lifted his face and looked at Jasper.
"Whoa, what happened to your face?" Jasper asked. "Did Jake fuck you up that bad?"
Edward managed to grin ruefully. "No, uh, Lyn did this to me when we started arguing outside the funeral home after the ambulance left..."
Jasper let out a low whistle. "Damn. She's got one rough right hook."
"She should," Edward said softly. "I taught her."
They were both silent for a moment before Jasper said, "You know this is just a fucked up accident, right? It's not your fault, Edward."
Edward sighed. "Bella and Rosalie told me the same thing. Lyn and Carlisle on the other hand..."
"Are hurting and lashing out. I should know," Jasper said bitterly. "I'm the fucking champion of that shit. If you have to blame anyone, blame me, Edward. If you weren't here, if I hadn't said all that shit..."
Edward shook his head. "No. You...God, Jasper…" He blew out a breath. "How did you stand it? How could you..."
Jasper shrugged. "Once you ever get used to it...it doesn't make it easier, but it certainly does make you realize it could be worse."
"How?"
"I don't know," Jasper said softly. "But I just had to hold onto hope that it could have been worse."
Edward opened his mouth to say something when a doctor walked in. They all stood, Jacob had awoken Lynessa, and they waited with bated breath.
"I'm Doctor Tammy Paige," she said as she walked over to Carlisle, who handed Foster to Emmett.
"How...how are they?" Carlisle asked.
"It was touch and go," she said after a pause. "The baby is in serious condition. She went without oxygen and was cyanotic when we delivered her, and right now she is on a ventilator, however, our neonatologist feels that she stands a good chance of making it without any type of brain damage."
Carlisle was sobbing, but he managed to ask, "And my wife? How is Esme?"
The doctor took a deep breath. "She is stable, but critical. She had a brain bleed due to the blunt force trauma she sustained. We have a drain in now and are monitoring the pressure in her skull for a couple of days to make sure that it doesn't go to high. While there is still the possibility for some physical or mental impairment due to her brain injury, only time will tell if she will make a full recovery. We will be watching her improvement closely. She is breathing on her own, though, so that is a good sign, and all her vital signs are for the most part stabilized. But...Mr. Cullen, when we got in to deliver the baby, there was too much damage."
"What do you mean, 'there was too much damage'?"
"We had to remove her uterus, Mr. Cullen. Your wife will not be able to have any other children. I'm very sorry."
Carlisle took a stuttering breath. "I don't care. As long as you bring her back to me..."
The doctor nodded. "I believe that she has the will to live and barring any serious complications, I am firm in my belief that she will make a full recovery."
"Th-thank you," he said softly. "When can I see her?"
"Give us time to get her back from recovery and then you can see her. She'll be in intensive care until she wakes and we can reassess her."
"And the baby? My daughter?"
"She's in the NICU, the Newborn Intensive Care Unit. She'll remain there until she can breathe on her own. You can go see her in about thirty more minutes. She needs her father's touch. I will send one of the nurses in to get you."
Carlisle nodded and fell back into his chair. "They're alive," he said softly. He looked up and tears were still streaming down his face. "They are alive."
"Carlisle..." Edward started.
Carlisle shook his head. "No, Edward. I...I can't forgive you this yet. You aren't the one that has to tell their wife that she can no longer bear children. She's twenty-eight fucking years old and she can't have any more children! You son of a bitch!" He jumped up and would have hit Edward, had Jasper not moved in.
"Carlisle, man, it's not worth it. She's going to be fine, we know that. She's a tough chick. She'll make it. You have Esme and you have your little girl and you have Foster. That's all you need, man. You've got so much more than other people I know. Hell, you've got a ton more than I ever will. Just...trust in that, okay?"
Carlisle sniffed just as a nurse walked in. "Mr. Cullen? Would you like to see your little girl?"
He wiped his face with the back of his hand and nodded. "Thank you, Jasper," he said as he stood and followed the nurse.
Carlisle followed the nurse and put on the paper gown she handed him, and after washing his hands thoroughly, walked into the NICU. He was led over to a small clear neo-natal bed.
"Here she is," the nurse said kindly. "Just be careful of her wires and tubes, but you can stroke her head and talk to her and hold her hand. She'll want to hear her daddy's voice."
Carlisle was sobbing once more as he reached in and touched his daughter for the first time. "Hello, love." His voice was thick with emotion, making his British accent all the more pronounced. "You're just as beautiful as your mum." He took a stuttering breath. "Did you know Da and your Mummy met because of your uncle? We did. I went with him to visit his family once..." And so, he told his daughter the story of how he and Esme met.
Thirty minutes and then an hour passed before the nurse said softly, "Mr. Cullen, do you want to go see your wife now? She's up from recovery."
He nodded. "I'll be back soon, love. Just have to pop in and check on Mum. I can't wait for her to see you, darling. You are beautiful." He kissed the top of her bed, since he couldn't reach in to kiss her head, and walked out where another nurse was waiting for him along with Edward and Lynessa. Both looked miserable.
Carlisle stopped short before he said, "Lyn, I think you could go in and see the little princess."
"What are you naming her, Carlisle?"
He shook his head. "That is for her mum to decide. We were still up in the air about a few names." He turned to look at Edward. "Edward..."
Edward had tears streaming down his face, his eyes were blood-shot, and he already had a horrible bruise forming over his left eye where Lyn had hit him. "Carlisle..."
Carlisle grabbed him and Lyn startled for just a second before both men hugged and began sobbing together. She smiled slightly. This too, would pass, and then everyone would be happy. She just knew it.
