Beth didn't have the heart to tell Andrea she might not be coming back.
It was anyone's guess what she would walk into or what Negan would do or how he'd react. Her plan wasn't much more than finding her way back to the Sanctuary, confronting Negan and finding Sherry. And then what? She wasn't sure. There was no doubt she wouldn't be welcomed back with open arms. If Sherry was there, Beth knew she wouldn't be able to leave her there and Sherry probably wouldn't be allowed to go anyway.
One step at a time, she reminded herself.
Going back into the lion's den was a huge risk. She understood the dangers of doing this on her own, but after living five years the way she had and then living without the imposing control of Negan, she came to the realization she was no longer intimidated by him. He held nothing over her anymore. She'd grown during her time with Daryl.
She wasn't afraid of Negan, but the possibility of not making it back almost had her turning around to the safe confines of Andrea and Merle's home. But there was a need deep down inside of her she couldn't ignore. She had to do this. For herself. For Sherry and for all the other people Negan had hurt.
None of this was fair. None of it was right. In a perfect world, she would have never come across the likes of Negan. She would have stayed with her parents. Or at her age, maybe living on her own. Working. She could be finishing up college. She could have met Daryl by chance.
In life sometimes - most of the time - no one wins. It was a balance of right and wrong that kept the world going round. She wasn't sure what side she was on anymore. She allowed herself to get sucked in. She hurt her family. Now she was hurting Daryl.
It all stemmed from Negan and he needed to be stopped.
This is just the way it is. If something did happen to her then maybe some good could come of it, maybe Daryl could finally arrest Negan. She didn't like the idea of being a sacrificial lamb, but she'd play the part if she had to.
Daryl must have fallen asleep because he awoke to his phone buzzing next to his head where he left it on the pillow. Bleary eyed, he checked the caller ID read, blinking twice before his vision cleared.
Panic surged through him instantly. His screen flashed Merle's number.
"Finally. I been driving down this damn road tryin' to get service," Merle barked when Daryl answered.
"What's wrong?" Daryl asked without preamble, sitting straight up.
"She's gone, man," Merle said through a bad connection. Static crackled through the speaker. Merle's voice went out then back in.
"What?" Daryl asked, hoping he'd heard wrong. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. His muscles tensed.
Unfortunately, Merle relayed the same words, "Can you hear me, brother? I'm driving down the mountain trying to find service for this damn cell phone." Merle hated having a cell phone. New fangled technology, he called it.
He repeated, "She's gone. Beth is gone. Andrea said she took off, wanted to handle things on her own. Whatever the hell that means."
Daryl was up and out the door of the backroom, searching for the keys to the Bronco in a matter of seconds. "How long she been missing?"
"I dunno'. She left sometime during the night."
Once he found the keys, right where he'd left them on his desk, he tried calling Michonne on her cell as well as the two-way radio. No answer. It was early, the sky still dark outside the station windows. She might still be asleep. Still, she should have her radio near her.
Frustration mounting, he didn't have time for this. Once he was driving he decided to swing by her house. There was a single light on toward the back he knew to be the light above the stove which she kept on all of the time. The rest of the house was dark. Didn't matter anyway because her vehicle wasn't in the drive.
He swore under his breath, slapped the steering wheel with his palm. He forced himself to take a breath. Panicking and getting pissed off wasn't going to get him anywhere.
Why did Beth have to leave? They'd hit a few speed bumps but they were heading in the right direction. The bank approved his loan for the house. Thanks to Glenn they knew who Beth was. She could be reunited with her family should she choose to. She said she loved him. He was sure she wasn't lying when she said those words. She wouldn't just up and leave him. Would she?
For the first time in his life, he had something tangible to hang onto and he wasn't going to let that go. Now a little more collected he had an idea of where Michonne might be. He made a u-turn in the middle of the road and headed in the opposite direction.
Just as he thought. There was Michonne's car parked at the curb of Rick Grimes' house. No huge surprise there. Something had been going on between the two of them for some time. Daryl had given Michonne her space. She'd tell him if she wanted him to know. Apparently she didn't feel he needed to know.
He didn't have the time or inclination to figure it out right now. Leaving the Bronco running he put it in park and jumped out. Once at the door he banged on it loud and hard with the side of his fist. He was probably waking the dead but he didn't care. Reaching a new point of desperation, he tried the knob. It was locked.
"Michonne! Ya' in there?" No answer. He began his second assault on the door.
Finally, after what seemed like an hour, Rick appeared in the doorway. Looking uninterested, a towel wrapped around his waist, hair dripping wet from a recent shower. Michonne stood in the shadows of the dim living room. A matching towel wrapped around her, clutching it closed at her chest.
He was stunned for a second before gathering himself and pushing his way into the living room.
"Beth's gone. I need your help finding her."
Before Michonne said anything, Rick rounded him, standing next to Michonne in their matching towels. For some reason, it pissed him off all the more.
Rick seemed a bit more interested now. "What do you mean she's gone?"
"She's just gone." He didn't have time to keep explaining this over and over. "She's gone as in not where she's supposed to fucking be. She's in danger, I know it." Every fiber of his being told him so. "She's either been taken or went back to that God-forsaken Sanctuary again."
"Do you really think she'd go back? Why would she do that?" Michonne questioned. She'd never seen Daryl so unhinged. His usual calm demeanor was replaced by near panic. He paced back and forth. Ran his hand through his hair, oblivious or not caring as to what he'd just walked in on - she and Rick. Together.
"I don't know. She mighta' gone back to find her friend. Either way, we got to find her. I need your help Michonne. If you're too busy here I can go by myself." He stopped pacing and stood in front of Michonne. "Ain't you my partner? I thought you was my friend. I thought I could count on you."
He regretted the words the second they left his mouth. She flinched. His words hurt her. "Damn it. I'm sorry. I'm just going out of my fucking mind."
"Of course I'm your partner and your friend." Best friend, at the risk of sounding juvenile. "We'll find her. Don't worry."
He hated being pacified. He breathed a sigh of relief though when she disappeared down the hall where he assumed she was getting dressed.
Once they found Beth, they'd sort this out. He'd apologize to Michonne again and if she wanted to, they'd have a talk. Figure out what's the story is about her and Rick and where the hell Mike fits into it all.
"Let me help," Rick said, surprising Daryl.
Daryl eyed him suspiciously. "Why would ya' wanna help me? I don't know you."
Daryl's attitude stemmed more from his wariness concerning Rick and Michonne's relationship rather than not knowing him. She didn't need Daryl's protection, that didn't mean he didn't feel protective of her. Mike was no good and he partly blamed himself for sitting back and letting him treat her like shit. He didn't know enough about Rick to know if he was any better.
"I mighta' stepped down from my position as sheriff, that doesn't mean I don't wanna help," Rick explained, standing his ground. "I care about Michonne. She cares about you. Get it?"
"You care 'bout Michonne?" He asked. More of a threat than a question. A 'You hurt her and I'll rip your face off' kind of threat.
He nodded, eyes going soft for a split second. "Yes, I do."
After a moment of staring one another down, Daryl relented. Rick seemed sincere and the more help the better.
Beth stalled once beyond the perimeter of Merle's property. Momentarily hesitating, gathering her bearings. It wasn't too late, she could turn back.
Five years she wasted at the Sanctuary. It took her from her family. From her life. Ultimately it brought her to Daryl. Ultimately it could take her away from him.
Anger surged through her body, starting from her toes flowing to the top of her head. It was cold and as always the wind blew sharply but her face burned with heated rage.
Why should Negan keep getting away with what he was doing? It wasn't right. She wasn't going to let him continue his plight of deranged lunacy. She wasn't going to run or hide anymore. She was going to face him and do what needed to be done, to hell with the consequences.
She continued on with more strength. More purpose. Thanks to a few hand-drawn Platt maps tucked away in a bookshelf in Merle's living room, she roughly knew where she was in relation to the compound. She'd always had a good sense of direction, the night she left the compound notwithstanding. Instead of following the road down off the mountain, she cut through the woods in the direction of the place she'd fled months before.
With the flashlight burning bright, she walked endlessly through the trees and shrubbery. Snow crunching loudly under her boots. Like so many other times, she wondered just what she'd been thinking all those months ago, taking off in the middle of the night by herself so unprepared wearing nothing but the clothes on her back.
This time was different. She was stronger in mind and body. Better prepared. One thing hadn't changed. Like then, just as now, she was desperate. When she left the Sanctuary she was desperate to escape. Now she was desperate to do the right thing.
If only she knew exactly what that right thing is.
When she came to the abandoned cemetery, she paused, catching her breath. The massive tree she'd hidden in was still there, tall and imposing. The opening she'd climbed into black and empty.
Its towering presence wasn't as frightening this time. It was comforting. It had protected her. Kept her alive. She rested a hand of appreciation on its cold, scratchy bark.
She panned the flashlight around the surrounding grounds, a bright beam splitting through the dark, shadows creeping just beyond. Sweeping the beam of light downward, the headstone of the unknown girl lay at her feet. Just like the tree, she was comforted knowing she was still there.
Was it silly to think that? Where else would she be other than dead and buried? She knelt down and brushed the snow away.
Unknown girl. 1906 - 1914. She was just eight years old. How could someone not know her? Know her name at the very least. Beth felt as though she were that little girl. Unknown, even to herself, for so long.
Until she met Daryl. He saw her. He saw her when she didn't know her own name. If she somehow found her way back to him, she'd never leave him again.
Daryl burst through the door of his brother's house with Rick and Michonne closely behind him. It took too long to get there, they were wasting valuable time and he didn't have the patience for false pretenses right now. He was pissed and the first person he saw got the brunt of it.
"How could you let her just leave like that?" Daryl immediately snapped at Andrea when she appeared from down the hall. She wasn't holding the baby for once.
"Let her?" Andrea asked incredulously. "She's a grown woman. She can come and go if she wants. I'm not a warden and this ain't no prison."
"But you were supposed to watch out for her." It was almost too much. After all the shit he'd been through in his life, losing Beth might just be the thing that breaks him.
"You're right, I'm sorry she slipped out on our watch," Merle said. "But you watch who your talkin' to." He slipped an arm around Andrea's back.
Andrea glanced at Merle, giving him a look that said she could handle herself.
"She was goin' with or without my permission." Andrea made air quotes around the word permission. "The last thing that girl needs is someone else tellin' her what to do. If I made her stay I wouldn't be any better than that Negan asshole."
It was here, Daryl realized, keeping Beth stashed away at Merle's had been a mistake. He didn't give her a choice. His intentions had been good, but he failed to listen to her and what she wanted.
Daryl lowered himself onto the couch, clutching his head in his hands. "Son of a bitch," he growled. "Tell me exactly what she said."
"She said she was comin' back. But I honestly don't know if she was telling the truth. She said she was going to find her friend."
Daryl thought for a moment. "Sherry probably wouldn't go anywhere without her husband. If she's even still at the Sanctuary."
Standing from his defeated position on the sofa, he went to Beth's bedroom. The bed was neatly made with the Scooby-Doo blanket, a pillow leaned against the headboard. All that was left of Beth was her copy of Clan of the Cave Bear. It was almost worn out, the spine practically falling off, and when he picked it up off of the pillow, it fell open to a well-worn page.
"Ayla was part of nature's new experiment, and though she tried to model herself after the women of the clan, it was only an overlay, a façade only culture-deep, assumed for the sake of survival. She was already finding ways around it, in answer to a deep need that sought an avenue of expression. And though she tried in every way she could to please the overbearing young man, inwardly she began to rebel ."
The words in that paragraph were underlined many times. It was the section she'd read to him that night so long ago at that station. He hadn't forgotten that night or the words she read to him barely above a whisper.
Beth was in much better shape than when she left the Sanctuary, she reached it quicker than expected. The dim light of the oncoming day hid her, silhouetting herself against the towering frozen pines.
She rounded the area to the backside of the compound. From her spot hidden in the shadows, it was dark save for a few lights shining on the other side of the shack windows. Quiet smoke plumed out from the chimneys and lazily hung in the air trapped underneath the weight of the cold.
Yellow light flickered in Negan's cabin window.
After she left, part of her wanted badly to return. Now she felt nothing but disdain and sadness for this place she once called home. All these people, just as she had been, are caught up in the fallacy that is Negan.
It was tempting to go straight to the cabin she and Sherry shared. That would be difficult since it's surrounded by the other cabins. Instead, she crept to Negan's cabin. He only had one window near the door. She leaned against the side of the cabin wall, listening. Nothing. Unless he was sleeping, which was unlikely, he must not be there. He was rarely alone and was always talking. He always had Simon or Dwight or one of his many wives was him.
The sound of footsteps had her pressing her body close against the outer wall. Two people passed by the front of the cabin. Come on, we're late, one of them said to the other. Once they were gone, she peeked around the corner and watched as they went into the main building.
Occasionally Negan held early morning "prayer" meetings. Like all of their other meetings, it was an hour or two of him talking about nothing at all. He was testing his people by forcing them to sit for hours, sleep-deprived and hungry.
Following the shadows, she made her way to the building. Sure enough, Negan's voice could be heard reverberating through the building.
"God sent me here to save each and every one of your souls. I do not look at it as a burden. It's an undertaking I gladly accept."
Beth rolled her eyes so hard it hurt her head. To think she fell for this at one time brought reddened shame to her cheeks. Negan didn't care about anyone but himself. He was in this for no other reason than to control anyone he could.
"You betcha', there will be naysayers. Those who don't understand. To that I say the strong ones, the Saviors, have no need to prove themselves to the phonies. But those phonies are the ones coming to take you away from here."
He didn't blame Beth for taking off, for wanting to do something. But it was his responsibility to get her back, to make sure she was safe, whether she wanted him to or not. Daryl wasn't interested in what was legal.
In the end, he was a mountain boy. During his stint in the army, through all his time away and even now serving as sheriff, he had forgotten his roots. He had been floundering. Chasing nothing. Beth snapped him back to reality. To what really mattered. His family. The people he loved and cared for. And when someone he loves might be in trouble, there was no way he was going to sit idly by, waiting to see what happens.
It didn't take long to gear up and head out.
The more she heard of Negan, the angrier she became. Negan was more than a man with a big mouth. He was dangerous. He took advantage of the people that so badly wanted to believe in him. He did more than take advantage of their need to believe in something. He was causing real damage.
Something switched off in her brain. She wasn't Angel any longer and Negan no longer meant anything to her. She was tired of hiding, she was tired of being someone she wasn't. Finding out who exactly she started where Negan ends.
Thanks so much for reading. I know it's not as interesting with Daryl and Beth apart, but I hope you all stick with it. I'm almost done with the next chapter. Hoping it'll be up soon.
