Raven had to pee and there was no pretending she didn't. The moment Henry escorted her into the ballroom he'd done his best to make sure that when she wasn't dancing she always had something to drink. She wouldn't drink alcohol so he brought her water in the beautiful crystal glasses he'd given her. Four hours, sixteen glasses of water, and twenty-seven dance partners later all she could think about was how her feet hurt even with her flats and her full bladder. She was more than grateful when a woman Raven had never met, who called herself Duchess Andres, invited her to the powder room.
"You were truly a spectacle out on the dance floor, My Dear," the older woman cooed happily from across the room as Raven carefully did her business, a difficulty in her corset. "What I wouldn't give to be forty years younger."
"I imagine you would still be just as beautiful," Raven commented with a smile. The woman was still giggling when she came out from behind the curtain to wash her hands in the bath of cool water. She was the only woman not wearing gloves and didn't mind, preferring to feel with bare skin rather than simply guess.
"I had red hair like yours back in my day as well," the woman replied sweetly and Raven eyed the silver hair pulled back with purple ribbons to match her dress. The combination contrasted beautifully.
"Hopefully mine looks the same in the years to come." The Duchess smiled as they slowly made their way back to the ballroom through the foyer. Raven noticed Christopher, Cassandra, Dorian, and Cole lingering near the stairs to the royal wing and let out a quiet sigh of relief. They were almost done and shortly after that they could all leave for the night.
The nobles of Orlais were charming in one twisted way or another and Raven understood they had to be as it was all part of the Game; the music and dancing was a sight in itself that Raven had no adequate words for, and what little food she'd consumed since entering the Palace had been delicious. The ham didn't taste of despair at all. Henry was the problem. If it weren't for him she wouldn't want to leave and while Raven could understand that she did accept his invitation, it didn't mean she was a trophy to show off.
Throughout the night his attitude grew more and more bitter towards her every time a noble made a joke and she laughed or she broke away from him to dance with another, something he knew she would be doing as they had discussed it weeks ago. She was a part of the Inquisition and serving as a distraction to as many nobles as she could so Christopher could protect the empress all while she worked on gaining influence, secrets, favors, and allies. His fascination with Cole also bothered her; his wanting to know who he was, where he came from, his family's lineage, what his position was within the Inquisition, how Raven cared for him, and even went as far to ask why she never brought him up in conversation. Raven answered nothing when it came to her friend. It wasn't Henry's position to question her and the fact that he thought he could as if she was one of his servants or belonged to him in any way was ridiculous and if he continued Raven would make sure he and his possessive, petty, jealous behavior would never conduct any formal business with the Inquisition again. They had gained enough power and hadn't been considered a heretical movement since the attack on Haven when Corypheus revealed himself.
"I hear you are with the Inquisition. Is that true?" The older woman asked with a smile and Raven returned it with one of her own. Unlike a majority of the smiles she'd given that night, this one was genuine.
"This is true, Madame," Raven confirmed as they stopped in the middle of the foyer at the other woman's wishes. She didn't mind. The air was cooler in the empty space than it was in the grand ballroom.
"What do you do within the Inquisition? It's hard to picture you as anything but a pretty face with the way your companions have been watching you. Those young blond men specifically." The bluntness and no-nonsense words made Raven's smile grow. Was she not playing The Game like everyone else or was it simply a different approach?
"I'm mostly an advisor to the Inquisitor," she answered. "I've had the privilege to meet with many of the noble houses of Orlais who are interested in helping the Inquisition as well as train some of its recruits and scouts." The woman's eyes widened.
"Truly?" Her question would've been funny if her answer hadn't been true. Raven nodded and allowed herself to lean back against the wall. It was cool against her warm, bare skin.
"In return, I receive lessons from the other advisors and-"
The woman stopped her before Raven could continue. "You really train Inquisition soldiers?" Her tone was still one of incredulity but that didn't stop the smile on her face as she worked to confirm Raven's response.
"Yes, Madame. Commander Cullen insisted when he saw my skills in combat. Where most of the men are used to fighting fellow men with swords and shields, I fight with daggers and ranged weapons." The older woman then let out what can only be described as an excited chuckle.
"Smart, beautiful, and dangerous. It's no wonder you have the attention of those young blond men, my nephew, and every other man here."
Raven stared at the woman trying to piece together all that she said. Blondes were obviously Cole and Cullen. The latter had a sweet and annoying habit of watching to make sure she was okay but who was her nephew? Raven felt as if she should know this and worked as fast as she could to sift through all that she'd learned about the noble houses in Orlais.
"I'm sorry, Madame. I feel I should know this, but I don't know who your nephew is." Raven hated admitting the shortcoming but the woman was perceptive and there was no point in lying to her. She seemed to appreciate the honesty.
"That's quite alright, my dear. Henry and I have never been on the greatest of terms so I'm not surprised that you didn't know. I will tell you, and you can take this as an old woman's opinion, but you deserve so much more than what he can offer in a husband." The blatant honesty shouldn't have been unexpected but Raven felt her breath catch. The duchess wasn't smiling, her eyes weren't as bright as they were earlier. She was serious. Raven couldn't help but wonder at the history between them and what she didn't know about Henry.
"Forgive me but that isn't for you to say, Aunt Charlotte." Raven heard his voice before she even knew he was in the room with them. When the older woman and she had left, Henry was amidst conversations with many others and she had to wonder when he left and how long he'd been waiting. She looked at the older woman before making sure she had on one of her many fake smiles and turned to look at him. He wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked angry behind the mask and she wasn't sure if it was directed at her or his aunt.
"Your aunt is merely expressing her opinion, Henry. Besides, my focus needs to be on the Inquisition right now. Not finding a husband. " She felt the need to point this out to the man. His expression didn't change and she subtly shifted her stance as he took a step towards them.
"Raven-" She hated how condescending his tone was as he said her name. "-you don't have to pretend to be interested in that mages' political movement. No doubt there are dozens of letters of proposal for you, but I'm the right choice. You're suited for better than all they put you through."
"I'm not pretending anything. You know I have no interest in settling down when there is still so much that needs to be done. Corypheus is still out there." And it was true. Raven had made that clear with Henry and every other single nobleman she'd met the last few months that had shown an interest.
"Are they really so incompetent that they have resort to putting all responsibility on a young girl?" Henry countered and Raven didn't mistake the disgust laced within his voice. Anger flooded her, blood pounded in her ears, and she fought the way her body started to shake. It was through sheer will that she was able to keep her fake smile and composure. How dare he say such a thing!
"With all due respect, Henry, you don't know the first thing about the workings of the Inquisition. They don't put me through anything I don't already want. I train recruits because I want to and because I'm good at it. I advise the Inquisitor because he listens and respects my opinions. I am the best at what I do and I don't appreciate your skepticism and shameless disrespect for my friends or your disregard for me doing something that I love." She was quiet as she spoke, mindful of anyone coming or going from the Great Hall. Henry looked at her with such anger that if she didn't know how to defend herself she would be scared. Instead, she moved from her spot on the wall and moved slowly to stand in front of the duchess. While she had most of his attention, she wouldn't put it past him to lash out at her as well and it was smart to be prepared. Before he could respond loud footsteps could be heard rushing from the hallway leading to the gardens and Raven sighed in relief when Christopher was the one to come around the corner followed by Cassandra, Dorian, and Cole.
"Is everything ready?" Raven asked as Christopher approached. He nodded and was quick to assess the situation in front of him, not sure if she was alone with the Duke or if he'd interrupted time between the two women. Josephine was to make sure she remained in the ballroom around the other nobles.
"It is. Cole, you and Dorian assist Raven in whatever way she needs while Cassandra and I confront the duchess." He glared at Henry as he spoke, not in the mood for any more fake formalities. He was tired of the formal clothes and hidden meanings in the words people spoke. How Raven, Leliana, and Josephine did it so long and often was beyond him. Cole nodded and watched Christopher and Cassandra enter the ballroom before facing Raven, the woman she looked to be defending, and the man next to her. The Duke was angry, furious even, close to lashing out like an animal and Raven was his target. She had rejected him, 'stupid insolent bitch!' Cole stepped forward but stopped when Raven raised her hand.
"You don't need to assist Raven with anything. We're just having a pleasant conversation about her future." Henry's tone was low and his teeth were clenched. That Raven dared to think that she didn't need him and that their beloved Inquisitor thought having those two interfere would be helpful was outlandish.
"My future is with the Inquisition. You and I have no future, Henry." Raven uttered the words slowly as if to make sure he understood what she meant.
Cole was just as angry; the Duke's vile, horrid, condemning thoughts fueled the fire and at that moment he didn't care if he was going against her wishes. Henry raised his hand high and made a move to strike Raven but Cole wasted no time in his actions. He suddenly stepped in front of the man, grasped his wrists tightly, and slammed him hard into the wall. Raven would be mad at him, but he would beg for forgiveness later. The Duke wouldn't hurt her. No one would if he could help it.
"Such loud, angry thoughts. Twisting, turning, corrupting the mind and soul within, keeping them in a dark, cold chamber of iron and stone. She doesn't want you but that doesn't matter. You'll take her anyway. 'She'll be mine before the end of the season. I'll take her away from disgusting, brutal Qunari, blood mages, and demons. She'll wear silk dresses that stretch over her fat, round stomach that I helped create with my seed.' You are low, sick, cruel, and I will never let you have her." Cole spoke in an even tone and as Henry tried to escape Cole only increased the pressure around the man's wrists, chest meeting chest. Cole was surprised when Henry smiled at him.
"You think she'll want a small, weak man like yourself? You wouldn't even know what to do with that chance if you had it. At least with me she'd be doing something with her life instead of wasting it as a slave to that spellbinder's cause." Henry's words echoed in his ears. They weren't just words, they were what he truly believed and Cole had to wonder where such hateful, hurtful thoughts came from. It wasn't until a small, gentle hand rested on his shoulder that Cole looked away to see Raven, as strong and lovely as ever, by his side. She smiled a smile that was reserved just for him before turning to the man Cole still had pinned.
"I didn't want to do it this way, but you really haven't given me a choice. You have disrespected the people I hold dearest in this world and the Inquisition itself. Cole is ten times the man you'll ever hope to be. Duke Henry Durand, as an advisor to the Inquisition, any connections you have we no longer need and anything you need from us is no longer at your disposal. Our alliance is done. Shall you try to contact the Inquisition again, I will personally send my very big and brutish Qunari friend to you with a reply. If Leliana hears anything negative coming from you in regards to the Inquisition or its members, I will not hesitate to come after you myself." She kept her smile as she spoke, the first real smile she'd given him all night. Henry stood there, still angry but significantly more terrified at the thought of The Iron Bull. Cole pulled his arm away and stepped back towards Raven, but the Duke didn't go into the main hall. Instead, they watched as he slowly made his way down the stairs to leave.
"Are you alright, Little Bird?" Dorian asked her as he took a step forward. Raven turned and nodded and he had to smile when she let out a sigh of relief, took off her mask to expose her bare face, and made her way over to the older woman he somehow failed to notice. She stood there against one of the pillars looking anything but appalled and angry.
"I apologize for the scene you just had to witness, Madame. I know he is your family, but I will personally make sure that the consequences of his words and actions don't affect you. Is there anything I can do to make things right on your behalf?" There was a silence that followed and both men looked at the older woman and the contrite expression on Raven's face. If Raven had to be honest with herself she was past caring about appearances for the sake of the Inquisition. She was exhausted and although the duchess was Henry's aunt, she didn't need to see the wretched display or deal with her nephew's idiocy.
When the duchess raised her hand Raven prepared herself for a slap across the face but it never came. Instead, the older woman put her hand on Raven's cheek and gave her a small smile. Charlotte wasn't happy by any means, but neither the girl's actions nor apologizing for them was the cause. That girl put her brat nephew in his place, one thing not often done, especially by women.
"You tell your ambassador that I'll be in touch. Have a goodnight, Raven," the old woman replied before taking her leave down the same stairs Henry had taken moments ago. A moment of silence passed before turning around and looking at her two friends. They would probably want to discuss what had just happened but now wasn't the time.
"Let's go in. Maybe if we're lucky it won't be over."
The silence was a blessing. All the guests that remained at the ball after Duchess Florianne's arrest and the announcement of an alliance between Celene, Gaspard, and Briala were in the ballroom soaking in the peace and success of Christopher and the Inquisition. Raven, however, decided that the gardens were much more interesting and that was where she remained, seated on the ground with her back to the stone fountain.
So much had happened earlier and she was still trying to wrap her head around everything that had been said and done; the hateful words spewed from Henry's mouth, the anger she felt coming from Cole as he moved in to protect her, and finally using her power as an Inquisition advisor to cut ties with what insignificant alliance she had with the Duke. She felt like an idiot. How could she not have known what Henry really wanted? Did others want the same? It wasn't the first time Raven questioned herself about what she was doing with her life and where she could go based on the choices she'd made so far. She was happy with her place in the Inquisition and even happier with the fact that she'd been able to make the best out of the situation she'd been thrown into.
"We're happy you're here, too." Cole's voice was soft over the sound of water in the fountain and Raven looked up as he spoke, not surprised that he would be wandering around the palace instead of spending time among the others. His Inquisition attire had been discarded, most likely by himself, because he was dressed in the black shirt she'd gotten him the last time they were both in Val Royeaux, a pair of matching black leathers, and shoes. His hat had been left on the bed in his room at the small apartment where they were staying, but she liked the way his pale blond hair reflected the moonlight.
Raven didn't reply when he sat down next to her and he wondered for a moment if she was angry that he'd gone against her orders with the man earlier, but then she leaned her head on his shoulder.
"It was a long night." Her voice was quiet and Cole nodded.
"Dancing, talking, faking smile after smile so they don't see how much you didn't and still don't want to be here." She wasn't bothering to hide her thoughts, not that she ever really did before. They were so loud from his place beside her, feeling her long hair tickle his cheek and smelling vanilla and lilacs from the soap she used. It was intoxicating and Cole wondered if there was any possible way to be even closer to her.
"That sounds about right," she murmured with a smile. His shoulder was comfortable and warm against her skin. "I already told Josephine and Christopher, but I'll be going on my own for a couple of days as a sort of vacation. The last few weeks have been beyond stressful and I need a break. You're more than welcome to come with me." Raven was proud that her offer came out as easily as it did and she was thankful he either didn't notice the way she suddenly felt nervous as she awaited his answer or he simply chose not to mention it.
"You want me to stay?" He seemed surprised. "You aren't angry?" His question caught Raven off guard and he regretted asking it as she took her head away from his shoulder to look at him.
"Why would I be?" Of all the things he'd ever done, from scaring the hell out of her first thing in the morning to revealing parts of her past and thoughts aloud to others, Raven could never find it in herself to be angry with him. He didn't do it out of spite. He was Compassion and only wanted to help.
"You wanted me to stop, but I didn't. Such cruel, loathsome thoughts. Hearing them made me so angry and then he tried-" Cole swallowed trying to make the sudden unpleasant feeling in his stomach go away. "He wanted to hit you, hurt you in any way he could. I couldn't, wouldn't let that happen."
"You protected me, Cole. I wouldn't be upset over something like that." Her words were soft, sincere, and made him try to look away but her soft hand on his cheek kept him still and facing her. Cole was aware of how fast his heart was racing, how warm she felt against him, how green her eyes were, and the way her skin seemed to glow in the night. Had she always been like this, he couldn't help but wonder and desperately wished Varric were around to help him try to understand such things. Cole thought back to earlier in the evening when he was with Dorian, the things that played in his friend's mind in response to his questions.
Passionate kisses, gentle caresses, delicate moans escalating to cries of pleasure as they traveled closer and closer to heaven. Back when he was less real, Cole had never seen the appeal of such things and as Compassion he was content to simply feel the emotions of others as they sought out such comforts, but after everything that had happened in the last few months and all he'd gone through...the choices he had to make, the things he'd learned so far, the things he was still learning, the new emotions he was starting to understand a little more each day. Raven had been there for him through every part of it to answer questions and help him the best she could because she cared for him. She loved him.
She loved him but not in a way that would make his sudden need to feel those emotions for himself acceptable. But he did want them. He wanted those experiences and he wanted to share them with her. It was that realization that caused him to suddenly pull away and his cheek felt cold the second he did. He couldn't feel that way for her. They were friends. Only friends and he couldn't lose her like Cullen did. What Cullen felt for her was wrong.
It had been months since the Commander had taken her and even though she didn't remember that night, their friendship was still strained, guarded on her part and near desperate on his. If it was wrong with Cullen, then how could it be different with him? She was the only one to accept him for what he was and he couldn't ruin that no matter how much he wanted to be with her.
"I can't stay with you. I'm sorry." His words were soft, but Raven could hear a distance in them and she knew something was wrong. Was it her or was it something else? He'd stayed behind with her before and she thought they had a fun time wandering around the city and watching the people. Maybe he would like the Hinterlands as well with the fresh air and animals. That was her true intention, staying away from the chaos and games of Val Royeaux. It was autumn in the Hinterlands and she wanted to spend her time among the trees.
"O-Okay. Alright," Raven stuttered through the words, choosing not to question him as she looked away, gracefully stood up, and brushed off her dress. "I'm going back to the party. I'm sure the others are eager to leave." It surprised her more than it should've when he got up as well and followed her out of the garden.
Back in the grand ballroom, Raven was pleased to see that about half the guests had departed. She could see Christopher and Cassandra on the dance floor and smiled at the look of pure adoration on Christopher's face. Cole noticed it as well and snuck a glance at Raven. He wanted to speak to her but didn't know what to say. It was clear his rejection hurt her but how could he possibly explain himself? Staying away was his best option until he could figure out the new wants consuming him.
"Would you like to dance?" Cole looked at Cullen the same time Raven did. He stood before them still in his Inquisition attire with a hand extended toward Raven. She glanced at Cole for a moment as if expecting him to say something, but when he didn't she smiled and put her small hand in his and Cole watched them make their way down the stairs to the dance floor. He was leaning against the railing when Dorian approached him moments later.
"She wanted to dance with you," he said as he took a place next to his friend. He might've been watching from further away, but the look she gave Cole had been unmistakable and for a moment Dorian thought that the Duke's words rang true. Raven had given him chances that he knew she wouldn't give anyone else; asking him to stay with her instead of returning to Skyhold and then silently waiting for him to object to Cullen's request and Cole had no idea what to do about them. Or maybe Dorian was wrong in thinking Cole had any real physical interest in the young girl and the conversation they had before was a passing idea.
"I can't be near her right now," Cole replied while not bothering to look away from the dance floor. She was graceful and the green silk of her dress demanded the attention of anyone watching. It was strange finally understanding how Cullen felt after so long. He didn't like it. Didn't like the idea of wanting so much that it made his heart hurt. Not when it meant hurting or losing her.
"And why not? You two seemed pretty close a bit ago in the gardens." Chances were it was Cole's decision to stay away from her and Dorian couldn't understand why. He seemed so excited to be around her earlier and it was easy enough to see that she wanted to stay with him.
"It hurts. Now knowing and understanding how Cullen feels every time she's around; knowing she doesn't want the same things hurts and I don't know how to make it better. I can't lose her like he did, so I'll stay away until it becomes easier." As Cole spoke of the relationship between Cullen and Raven it was easier for Dorian to understand. It didn't make the decision any smarter, but he could understand. He wanted to object but was it his place?
The fear of Cole's own growing affection towards Raven and the idea of losing her because of them would be a possibility if he were anyone else, it had been proven with Cullen. They didn't speak for months and even though they were talking and laughing on the dance floor below, Dorian could see that she was guarded as much as he could see that Cullen was trying his best to hide the fact that he loved her. There would always be that knowledge in the back of their minds and it would alter how they thought and acted around each other, but anyone could see things were different with her and Cole.
The unmistakable bond they shared, the way they trusted each other without a second thought, and the devotion they both had to one another was all the proof Dorian needed to know how she felt about Cole in return. She didn't have to say it out loud. He might detest sentimental romance, but he wouldn't wish their situation on anyone if he could help it. Dorian was grateful there weren't as many people around as before. It wasn't that he cared about what they thought of him but the last thing Raven, Cole, and even Cullen needed were rumors about any supposed feelings or relationships before they could figure it out themselves. If they ever figured it out anyway. It wasn't his place to lecture. He'd just mention it to Varric in passing once they got back to Skyhold.
"You look beautiful tonight," Cullen murmured as she moved against him. The hand that wasn't in his rested on his shoulder and his other hand rested on her delicate waist. Raven forced a smile and followed his lead, though he wasn't much of a dancer. She knew countless noblewomen would kill to be where she was, in the warm embrace of the Inquisition's handsome Commander, but she was tired, her body hurt, and the only person she wanted to dance with, to be with, didn't seem to want to be around her for a reason only he seemed to know.
"Thank you," she replied. "So how many women do you think fell in love with you tonight?" He laughed at her question and she wondered for a moment if he didn't believe her. If that was the case, she couldn't wait until the requests came in for him.
"Entirely too many, though I'm sure not as many as you had falling for you. One woman even pinched my bottom."
Raven couldn't help the laugh that escaped her. The surprised tone he used was genuine."You have to keep an eye on those noble ladies, Commander. You only think they're all prim and proper."
By her tone Cullen couldn't tell if she was being serious, but it was pleasant to see her eyes light up in amusement and the first real smile he'd seen her give the entire night. "From what I hear it's best to watch after noblemen as well. I apologize for not noticing Duke Durand follow you out of the ballroom. If I had, I would've done something."
Raven stared at him, hardly believing there were orders to actually watch her. That had never been the case before, that she was aware of anyway. "Was I to be watched? I can handle myself."
Cullen could hear the displeasure in her voice and shook his head in response. "With everything going on and you playing the part of a distraction tonight we wanted to make sure no one tried to hurt you or sabotage your efforts. I know you can handle yourself." The excuse he'd been practicing since news of Duke Durand's departure rolled off his tongue so easily that he almost felt guilty. Cullen never lied to her but the last thing he wanted to fight about-especially when she was in his arms again-was the disgusting intentions the Duke had and Raven's ability to handle him. He knew she could, but she shouldn't have to.
"I guess I understand." And she did, it wasn't a lie. "After I talk to Josephine later, his severed connection to the Inquisition will be final."
"You're serious?" Cullen asked only slightly surprised. She wouldn't joke about something like that and from her expression he could tell there would be more to come than a cutting of ties with the Inquisition. "May I ask what he did?" It was simple curiosity.
"He informed me of his real thoughts about you and our friends. Would've hit me if Cole hadn't stopped him."
Cullen nearly faltered and he wasn't sure if shock or anger was the first to set in. Did that bastard really have the nerve to try and hurt her and think he could actually get away with it? Even if Cole hadn't been there, chances were that Raven would've killed the man and felt no remorse about doing so.
"Cullen, hey, it's alright. I'm fine."
He hadn't realized it at first but his grip had tightened on her waist. "At least Cole was with you. Are you looking forward to next week?"
He was referring to her vacation and Raven nodded in response. It had been a long time since she'd been to the Hinterlands. Blackwall had given her permission to use the cabin he stayed in, but Raven was more content with the idea of sleeping in a tent or even under the stars. "I am. It'll be nice to rest after these last couple weeks."
Silence stretched out between them but it was a comfortable silence unlike the many in the past that were the result of a fight. In her tired state, Raven rested her head on his shoulder and Cullen held her even closer all while memories played in his mind of her smooth, warm skin under his touch.
She didn't remember that night between them but he did with damn near perfect clarity. The song she sang, the taste and feel of her mouth and skin against his, and once they were both free of their clothes, the way she looked as she slowly lowered herself onto him. She'd been a virgin, he realized once he saw the blood, and after she'd gotten used to his size she wanted more and that was something he willingly gave her. He'd worshipped her that night, taking his time to give her the release she deserved; the release that had her tight heat clamping down on him hard as she cried out and convulsed in his arms. Back in the present, he enjoyed the way her relaxed figure felt pressed against him. Multiple songs played and Cullen didn't let go once because who knew the next time she would let him hold her.
From above, still in his spot and leaning against the railing, Cole watched in silence as he begged for the hurt he was feeling in his chest to go away.
