It was late when Christopher and the others made it back to Skyhold. Varric ignored the distant signal bell that could be heard faintly over the fire next to his table and the scratching of his quill on the paper, but he stopped writing when he heard their voices coming up the stairs breaking through the silence of the main hall. Ruffles was the first to notice him seated at the table; she smiled at him.
"I guess everything went well?" Varric didn't have to ask. If something bad had happened, the group wouldn't be as happy. It was then that he noticed three members of their party weren't with them. "Where's Curly? Did Ginger and the Kid stay in Val Royeaux?"
"Raven did. Cole wandered off when we arrived and Cullen is in his office." Christopher replied and Varric understood wanting some quiet after what the last couple days must've been like. He was familiar enough with Orlesians to know that they weren't necessarily a pleasant bunch and for someone still learning how to be human he was going to learn a lot more than he wanted.
"I guess I'll see him tomorrow then. You guys off to bed?" He asked more out of politeness than curiosity. He had a couple of hours left in him and planned to continue working on that damned manuscript until he was too tired to even hold a quill just like every other night. Varric looked down to read over what he'd come up with so far, ignoring pleasant goodbyes and the shuffling each person made as they all began the journey to their own rooms, save the Seeker who followed Christopher as he expected.
"We need to talk."
Sparkler's low voice pulled his focus away from the manuscript. Varric could see the concerned expression on the man's face when he looked up. What could they possibly have to talk about?"Alright. I'm listening." He said as he leaned back in his chair. The Mage paused as if he wasn't sure how to say what was apparently so important and Varric wondered what he could've possibly done to make Sparkler so serious. It wasn't like he was Sera; he didn't mess around with others' things and while he may spin a few tales, none had really included the Mage standing on the other side of the table.
"Your crime series is doing really well in Orlais. I met a lot of people who were disappointed that you chose not to attend."
This news, while it caught Varric off guard, wasn't what Sparkler wanted to discuss. Nonetheless, Varric made a note to ask his editor about his Orlesian sales.
"You're stalling. If I did something, just let me know. I'm a busy man." He was aware that he was coming off as an ass, but he didn't really care. So much had to be done and his deadline was in two weeks. Varric didn't even know why he was trying his hand at romance again, especially when Ginger told him not to write about her. But he just couldn't help it.
"It's about Cole."
Shit. He should've guessed as much after such a long trip. He wondered what the Kid could've done; The possibilities were endless, but Sparkler seemed more concerned than angry and that put Varric on edge.
"Care for a seat then?" Varric asked and, almost reluctantly, Dorian pulled out a chair and sat down, the gold in his robes reflecting the fire.
"Cole learned a few new things since we left and I'm not sure how it will affect him and the rest of us."
Well, if that wasn't an ominous way of starting out what would become a long conversation then Varric knew nothing. He felt himself grow nervous as he watched his friend try to find the right words. "Alright. Go on."
"I suppose I should tell you that it all started with a beautiful pair of dragon bone daggers Raven had commissioned for Cole to use at the palace in case anything went wrong."
Varric nodded, already aware of the daggers so that was a step in the right direction. Ginger had brought it up to him a month ago over dinner.
"Cole wanted to thank her like he was told most humans do."
He felt like he was waiting for the punchline of a joke as Sparkler slowly continued his story. So far, there wasn't anything worth worrying about.
"Well, you know how she is; always doing something for someone and never wanting anything in return so Cole, looking for ideas, asked me how I thank Bull."
Varric couldn't hold back his laugh. "And how did that go?" The dwarf asked knowing it would be entertaining any way it stemmed. Sparkler's expression didn't change.
"I didn't tell him. I even tried to change the subject, but he saw anyway. Then he wanted to know what kissing was like and if Raven would allow him to kiss her - among other things. He… did seem to drop the subject when I explained that Bull and I are... We are more than friends. As close as those two are to one another, that's still all they are."
The man had a point and he couldn't blame him for the response. "That's up for those two to decide, Sparkler. If he were to kiss her, I don't think she'd react the same way to him as she did with Curly a few months ago."
"I agree, but I couldn't tell him that without putting ideas into his head." It wasn't a lie. Curly was a friend and ally most days, but he and Ginger weren't close enough for the relationship the man so desperately wanted to have with her. Sparkler hadn't been there when she was found and brought to them as a prisoner but since his own arrival, he'd lost track of how many times the feisty redhead said she wanted to beat the man for his arrogance, stupidity, or something else altogether.
"I'm guessing that's not the end of this little story?" He mused more to himself and was met with another nod.
"So Raven and her date were already at the palace when we arrived and it turned out the man was despicable. He wanted Raven for all the wrong reasons and even made to hit her toward the end of the night when she put him in his place. He would have succeeded if Cole hadn't stepped in and explained to her what the man really thought. She broke off the Inquisition's alliance without a second's hesitation. The Empress was saved and during the celebration, Raven and Cole disappeared into the gardens. When they came back Cullen asked her to dance and Cole said nothing to object. When I asked him about it, he said that he understands how Cullen feels so he's going to avoid her until it becomes easier."
"So she rejected him?" Varric could barely get the words out and was relieved when Sparkler shook his head in response.
"No. She asked him to join her for the couple days she'll be away from the Inquisition and looked almost heartbroken when he didn't object to her dancing with Cullen. He said he doesn't want to lose her like Cullen did. I figured you could try to talk to him."
"To tell the truth, I was wondering if it would happen." Varric finally said and Sparkler's eyes widened. Varric chose to remain calm about the relationship between those two months ago but the development Sparkler was explaining wasn't what he was expecting. Perhaps once Chuckles found out it would be a different story. That man was like a mother hen when it came to the Kid. A nitpicking, horrendously dressed mother hen.
"So, you're not angry?" Sparkler clarified and Varric could understand the skepticism. When it came to rogues one could never be too careful. Those sneaky bastards could come from anywhere.
Varric laughed. "Nah. No reason to be. He was the one who decided to continue growing as a person and things like this are a part of that. It's not like I can stop it."
His words were true enough and, satisfied with his answer, Sparkler stood up and quickly bid him goodnight.
Varric didn't move as Sparkler made his way out of the main hall in silence. His manuscript was still open in front of him but he doubted he'd be able to focus on the words. It was surprising that the mage came to him since he often chose not to become involved in things that didn't concern himself. But what surprised Varric more was that Cole hadn't come to him. Yeah, they'd only arrived an hour ago, but with how the Kid had been with his questions and new feelings before they left, Varric expected him to come to him first. If what Sparkler said was true about what happened it was a rather large deal. If he was starting to look at Ginger in the same light as Curly - and every other man with half a brain - there was a lot to think about. If their relationship fractured, he knew those two wouldn't be the only ones caught up in the aftermath. But Varric couldn't see that happening. It depended on them and only them and until they could sit down and talk nothing would be resolved.
It was quiet the next morning. Those who arrived late the night before, the advisors and Inquisitor included, were still in bed fast asleep even after the sun had risen over the mountains. Recruit training had been called off in Raven's absence, even with Patrick as her second, but Varric still found Cole seated on the ledge overlooking the empty courtyard. It was his favorite place to sit and watch her train and teach.
"Good morning, Varric." Cole didn't look at the dwarf as he approached, only knowing for certain it was him from the song his body and heart tended to play. His own body was tired, but his mind wouldn't allow him to rest. Varric leaned against the ledge and looked up at Cole, noticing right away the bags under his eyes and he wondered if the young man had gotten any sleep.
"Hey, Kid. I take it you didn't get any sleep last night?" Cole shook his head.
"My body wants to, but my mind won't let it. So many thoughts, hurts, wants, and lying there alone only makes it worse. I don't know how to stop it." Cole said barely soft enough for his friend to hear and, in response, Varric put a hand on the Kid's back.
"What do you want?" It was a simple question yet Cole hesitated. Images of green eyes and long, flowing red hair dominated his vision. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Dorian told Varric everything that had happened during their time at the Winter Palace. "Knowing and coming to terms with what you want is part of the battle, Kid. You don't have to tell me, but keep that in mind."
"And if I know, then what?" Cole asked when Varric took his hand away.
"That's up to you. Part of being human is making mistakes and learning from them. It's all trial and error. If something doesn't work you can try again or give up." As Varric spoke Cole thought of Cullen and the months before and after he'd kissed Raven then after they spent the night together. He still wanted her, perhaps even more than he'd anticipated. It was a bittersweet feeling, craving someone and not being allowed to have them.
"Did Cullen give up?" His question caught Varric off guard and he took a few seconds to ponder over what Curly's intentions could be. Could he have a plan? They weren't close and Varric didn't really care enough to pry where there was no story, but the look on their Commander's face every time Raven was present and the way he would watch her made him think that nugs had a better chance of overthrowing the human race than Curly had of giving up hope that Raven would somehow wake up one day and want him the way he wanted her.
"No and chances are he won't." There was no point in lying to the Kid. He'd see through it and know better.
"I don't know where..." Cole struggled to find the words. He wanted so desperately to find out when, why, where, and how he started thinking of Raven, his friend, in such a way. He was aware of others and their thoughts about him and Raven together. It was mostly born out of humor as if a strong and beautiful woman could want something like him, or jealousy when they saw that she never denied Cole and always made the effort and time to make sure he was included and knew that someone cared about him. And she did care. She cared about him more than she cared about herself and he never understood how or why. When asked, she never answered.
"Where?" Varric pressed him to continue.
"How did they change? Always smiling, caring, protecting me even when I didn't need her to. She's my friend. I don't understand how what I feel and want for her could change." His tone was still soft but his words were rushed and Varric noticed the Kid's fingers picking at his torn gloves. "I saw Dorian's thoughts. With The Iron Bull and suddenly she was all I could think of. Kissing. Caressing. Would she let me? Would she want me? I don't know."
"Sometimes it happens and there isn't a clear reason as to why or how. You can't help who or what your heart wants, Kid." It was simple advice, but Varric knew the truth from his own experience. It hurt and he couldn't deny that.
"I don't want to lose her. I can't. Not after everything she's already had to go through. I can't put her through that, Varric."
"Is that why you said no to staying with her in Val Royeaux?" It was a rhetorical question on Varric's part, but it didn't stop Cole from looking down at him and answering anyway.
"She isn't in Val Royeaux but yes. If I don't stay away I can end up like Cullen and I- I need her. She needs me without these feelings."
Varric couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. It wasn't a funny situation, but honestly, if the Kid were to end up like anyone, Curly would be the last possible outcome.
"You won't end up like him. Look at your relationship with Ginger and think back to Curly's relationship with her before all that happened between them. Do you remember all the fights those two would get into? How many times she'd come back from a meeting or training muttering about how he was an insufferable bastard?"
"She thought worse," Cole interjected while thinking back to the insults he'd never heard before. He'd only seen a 'car' from Raven's mind and the pictures she'd shown him and he doubted that something that large could fit where she wanted to put it during the arguments she and Cullen had gotten into.
"Exactly. Ginger cares for you more than I think she cares for anyone else here. If you were to let her know how you felt, I don't think it would go how you expect it to." Varric continued to watch Cole's face as he spoke, pointing out the painfully obvious facts that the Kid, for some reason, didn't take into account.
"You don't know that."
Had he always been so damn stubborn? As a spirit, he was never so hard-headed. "I know Ginger enough to realize that you mean more to her than Curly ever could. She was willing to leave the Inquisition with you if Christopher didn't let you stay. You know that, right?"
Cole's eyes widened. "She wasn't serious."
Again with the denial. "Yeah she was, Kid. She told me. You can do what you want, but think about it, okay?" Varric was too tired to continue arguing with the stubborn young man but turned around to look at him one last time before making his way into the tavern for some much-needed food. "I also know that you staying away from her without giving her a reason will hurt you both in the long run. That's not from me speculating. It's something I know from experience."
Autumn in the Hinterlands was everything Raven knew it would be. It had been nine days since her arrival, much longer than she intended on being in the southern part of Ferelden and she still couldn't believe how beautiful it was. The air was cooler than it had been during her last visit, but nothing compared to the frigid dryness the Frostback Mountains and Skyhold sometimes had. The leaves on the trees had turned from shades of green to a rainbow of reds, oranges, yellows, and browns and some already littered certain areas of the ground. While the war between the Mages and Templars was still ongoing in smaller remote areas, without their strongholds numbers dwindled on both sides. It was also nice not having to hear the crackle of magic, clanging of swords, and yelling at all hours of the day. Instead, she could enjoy the chirping coming from the birds that remained and the flowing water of Lake Luthias not too far away.
Raven had decided to stay at the Inquisition camp instead of making a campsite of her own; she wouldn't have to worry about meals even though she preferred to do the hunting and would be able to sleep easier with the Inquisition agents and scouts nearby despite most conflict having been eliminated. If she'd brought someone with her it would be different and she'd feel more comfortable sleeping away from the Inquisition camps, but that wasn't the case. Maybe next time she'd invite Solas or Bull.
"Lady O'Hara, is everything alright?" Ritts asked while sitting on the log across from her. At Raven's request, the elf had been transferred to the Lake Luthias camp at the beginning of her stay. It was nice to have a familiar face around. Raven looked away from the campfire and up to the Elven scout. How long had she been staring into the fire and why did Ritts still insist on addressing her like she was a noble?
"I'm fine. How are you?" It had been a couple of days since she'd had any real conversation. Lately, she was usually up and exploring before dawn and didn't return until after dark to sleep.
Her first two days in the Hinterlands was spent at the Crossroads following up with Corporal Vale. With the Mages and Templars no longer a threat it'd been easier to hunt and acquire the needed supplies. Her third day was spent in Redcliffe. After that she'd kept to herself, climbing trees, exploring new areas, even spending a portion of the day before swimming in the lake, and gathering ram, bear, wolf, and fox pelts to make a new blanket. It was nice being away from the chaos of the Inquisition and it had given her time to think about her options once Corypheus was defeated. Would she even live that long? What would they do about Solas? Part of her wanted to disappear with him.
"I've been alright. Things have been easier since you and the Inquisitor took out the Templar and Mage encampments."
Raven nodded absentmindedly while listening to the young girls' words. That had been an exciting time and she found she liked fighting mages more than the Templars. They were unpredictable and where Templars usually rushed forward in their heavy armor with swords drawn, mages could use the elements to their disposal. Of course, it probably gave Solas a workout with the barrier spells but that was part of the fun.
"I'm glad things are easier. You guys deserve it." And that was the truth. They all worked hard for the Inquisition.
"Word is the Inquisitor saved the Empress. Is that true?" Ritts sounded so excited as she asked that Raven couldn't help but chuckle. She wasn't surprised the news traveled so fast.
"It's true. The Grand Duchess was working with Corypheus and planned to assassinate Celene in front of her people. Now she is stripped of her title and sits in a prison cell waiting to be brought to Skyhold for judgment." As she gave a quick rundown of the events at the Winter Palace Raven had to wonder what sort of sentence Christopher would give the former Grand Duchess. He'd already had Alexius researching magic, exiled the Avaar to Tevinter which Raven helped with, and gave the Mayor of Crestwood to his people for punishment. Ser Ruth had yet to be judged as far as Raven knew. Christopher hated that responsibility and usually held off until there were small breaks in the chaos where it was deemed okay to drink afterward.
"That's incredible," Ritts commented and Raven nodded again. No need to reply. "So how come you're out here all alone?"
"I didn't intend to be alone. The one I wanted to join me said he didn't want to come." Raven tried to keep the melancholy from her tone. It wasn't that she was upset he didn't want to join her, it was how he spoke and acted afterward. She felt like she'd done something wrong. Maybe she had, in his eyes. He was learning and feeling so many new things now that he was human that perhaps she did something he didn't like. Perhaps he was still upset over how things went with the Duke. She didn't know and it was starting to bother her; there were so many things that happened throughout the course of the night including dancing with Cullen. Their conversation made up for his lack of dancing skills and Raven was surprised that she enjoyed it as much as she did. He was charming away from the Inquisition, but that didn't mean she didn't want to smack him every now and then.
"Well, that's a shame. He doesn't know what he's missing." The elfs consolation only annoyed her further, but Raven smiled anyway. It was all she could do.
