A/N - Thank you, readers! Thanks for your feedback! I love you all!

xxx


Dean resurfaced at midday to discover Cas finishing off the puzzle on the map table. He was hovering over the last five pieces, with a cup of tea on his right and a plate of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on his left.

The trench coat was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Cas had changed his clothes although he never really had to as an angel. But Dean was thankful for the sight that greeted him. Cas looked damn good in a pair of black jeans and the ACDC long sleeved sweater he had slipped into made him look so adorable, Dean melted on the spot.

His hair was tousled. To an outsider, he might have looked as if he had a night of the best sex ever. His hands were always so steady and graceful. Fitting another piece into the right spot, Cas sighed.

"Did you sleep well?"

Dean startled from the question. "No points for me for trying to sneak up on you."

"I can always sense where you are, Dean," Cas said, comfortably fitting the last piece in its slot. "There. Now Sam owes me an apology."

"What did he do now?" Dean collapsed on the chair closest to the other man and lightly squeezed his left arm. When their eyes met, the two of them smiled lovingly at each other.

Their last encounter had been…emotional to say the least. There were a few things that still irked Dean, however, he had an entire night to mull over things. So his verdict was that maybe Cas was as stressed out as he was from the long break away from each other. Maybe Cas was also sexually frustrated because Dean was quite aware of Cas' sex drive. And if the angel had spent a little over two weeks in a room all by himself with no other way to vent his frustrations, then Cas was truthfully itching for a roll over in bed.

Also, the things that were said were probably taken out of context. Dean realized that maybe they could become too sensitive around each other. But they had every reason to be. There wasn't any room to have doubts and fill in the blanks anymore. Now, more than ever, they needed to be open and ask questions and find certainty. And if doing that required an emotional range the size of a spaceship, then so be it.

Cas dipped his head and softly pressed their lips together. He savored the feeling for a few seconds and then pulled away. "He told me that angels weren't smart enough to complete puzzles."

"Huh," Dean frowned. "That doesn't sound like Sam. Did he go for his morning run?"

"Yes," Cas settled into the chair next to the other man and faced him with eyes that searched green ones intently. It was almost as if he was trying to seek out every single moment he had missed whilst they were apart during the night.

"Don't do that," Dean said, blinking and glancing away with a small smile. "Did he get his green juice?"

"Don't do what? And yes."

"Probe me with your ocean eyes, that's what." Dean reached out and affectionately flicked the tip of Cas' nose. "His…eggs were sunny side up?"

"I didn't make eggs. He made waffles for us."

"How sweet," Dean made a face. "I wonder why he's in a sour mood."

"Because…" Sam's tall form appeared by the doorway leading into the kitchen, "…Cas told me that he showed you his wings. And he refuses to show me. I don't like you anymore," he directed at the angel who beamed at him. "I've been studying angels for months now. I've only seen their wings on a freaking page. Like for once I'd like to see yours and you're my best friend, man. Why can't you show me them?"

"You owe me an apology first. There were 50 pieces remaining and I completed the puzzle."

"Show me your wings," Sam folded his arms and scowled.

"That the same tone you use when you asked Mala to show you her tits?" Dean deadpanned. When his brother scowled deeper, he sighed. "Look, maybe it's a privilege you can't get just yet," Dean provided with a shrug. "I got to see them first because well…you know. I've seen him naked already so."

"So have I," Sam admitted.

Dean swallowed hard. "Wait, what?"

Cas rolled his eyes, arms folded. "It was one time by mistake. I was changing and the door creaked open and he walked in, so naturally, I turned around and then Sam saw all of me."

"You perv," Dean scolded his brother who stared back at him incredulously. "You should have averted your eyes, dammit. He's mine! You don't get to see what's mine."

"Are we really having this conversation?"

"Are you really throwing a fit over not being able to see my boyfriend's wings?"

"So he's your boyfriend again," Sam folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. When Dean flicked his eyes up the ceiling, the taller Winchester rounded on Cas. "Dude, remember all the times when you fell out with this jerk here, and I was the one who checked up on you? I set up meetings so we could talk. When he shaded you, I was the best friend. Not him. Not Dean freaking Winchester."

Slowly, and groaning, Cas rose up from his chair, shoulders slumped, and he sent Sam a wary look. "Fine. I might have fallen in love with him, yes. But you were always the one I emptied my feelings onto. So…" spreading out his arms, Cas willed his wings to appear. And when they did, the look on Sam's face could have won him an Oscar.

He folded over a little at first. Those green eyes sparkled with so much intrigue. Then he slowly circled the wings protruding from the back of Cas' sweater as if examining an amazing car in a show room.

"Man, this…" Sam whistled.

"Don't get too close. They bite," Dean teased, stealing one of Cas' sandwiches.

"Reading about this is so mediocre compared to the real thing. I have a few questions though."

"Of course you do," Dean rolled his eyes and dusted his hands on the thighs of his jeans. "But don't mind me."

"Sure," Cas provided, feeling entirely awkward on display like an exhibit in a museum. "Take your time."

Ignoring his brother, Sam lit up like a light bulb. "Are wings…actually tangible? Or are they only of substance as they are right now because you're allowing them to exist on a plane that we can see and feel them? I'm only asking because your true form is a celestial being so…aren't your wings also supposed to be…I don't know…magical as I might call it?"

"Magical, no," Cas shook his head and perched himself on the edge of the map table next to Dean's right hand. The hunter was a bit taken aback by the strategic position, nevertheless, he savored it. Although the wings had flickered out of sight. "Angels do have a form. Mine of course isn't the likes of a human. I'm several times the size of this bunker alone. But vessels can contain us because we are, in a sense, controlled by humanity's belief and faith in us. My wings are merely sized smaller than reality. But they are real. Not magical."

"Doesn't make complete sense," Sam frowned a bit. "But I'll get to the bottom of this. I just need to do some more reading in order to understand."

"Just like you needed to read about sex in school to figure it out," Dean teased with a smile.

Sam, ignored his brother's remark and hastily exited the room, probably on his way to the library. And when he was gone, then and only then did Cas round on the older Winchester with a look of utter dismay.

"What?" Dean stared back with widened eyes. He quickly dabbed the back of his hand over his chin. "Is peanut butter on my face?"

"I'd ask you to try to tone down the harsh remarks directed at your brother," Cas closed the distance between them and resumed his perch on the table, "but then you would only continue as per normal."

"I was only joking with him," Dean said defensively. "It's a big brother thing. Besides, Gabriel used to do that to you all the time. Tease you. So you get it."

Cas sighed, "I do but…referring to Mala all the time? Really, Dean? Can you be more obvious at the moment?"

The hunter shrugged. He collected a bread crumb and grinded it between his fingers. "She's hates chocolate ice cream, The Vampire Diaries and Downton Abbey."

"Dean, I don't like those things either…"

"But you're different!"

"How?" Cas smiled a little and he ruffled the other man's hair. "Why do I get a free pass and Mala doesn't?"

"Because I'm in love with you?" Dean tried in a soft tone, peering up into blue eyes and feeling his neck grow warmer. "Because like I said, no matter what, I always will?" He couldn't understand how the other man could become so oblivious to the truth sometimes.

"But Dean, if Sam likes her, then we need to respect his decision," Cas' cupped fingers caressed the hunter's perfect jawline. He missed these moments so much.

"She's not Eileen."

"I'm not Lisa and Sam never really liked her but he respected that you did."

"Cas, that's besides the point," Dean frowned. He collected the other man's cupped fingers inside his own and entwined their hands instead. "Look, I'm telling you, man. There's something off about her."

"Okay, I'm listening," Cas pulled a chair closer and settled on it, facing Dean with their thighs pressed together. "Tell me about her since I missed out a lot."

Cas really missed out a lot. And maybe he shouldn't have but sometimes in life, there were certain decisions that could be made that weren't perfect. He had made one of those impulsive choices. He had come to terms with walking away at that moment, being the most suitable one. But oh how he missed the color of those green eyes. Or the shape of Dean's lips. The perfectly handsome face that he could caress. And those amazing toned arms.

"So, she claims that she's a hunter, right?"

"Mmhmm," Cas blinked slowly, drinking in every inch of Dean's face.

"And I've asked around and no other hunter, not even Garth knows about her. She said that she was born in India and moved to the U.S about two years ago. Her dad was a hunter but no one knows him. And she keeps calling me Doug."

"Maybe she does it to get a rise out of you," Cas shrugged.

"Cas, come on…" Dean whined. "This isn't funny, okay? He's my brother and I'm always looking out for him. It's just what I do. Just like he always does the same for me. And look how he helped us along the way. I can't let him topple over. He's smitten but I'm not buying any of what she's selling."

"And that's okay," Cas squeezed the hunter's right arm. "You're allowed to be severely paranoid. But Dean…maybe you should let Sam figure this out by himself. He gave you enough space to figure us out, didn't he?"

"Um, no," Dean pointed out. "He meddled every step of the way. He held an intervention in the kitchen. He set us up on a date. Or did you forget?"

"All I'm saying, is that maybe you're overreacting a bit—"

"I'm not overreacting!"

"Well ain't this peachy," Donna's voice suddenly sounded from the top of the steps and both of them startled. Hands planted on her waist, she beamed down at the two who were obviously confused why the door didn't make a damn sound. "Oh, I kind of oiled this baby yesterday when we were here," she noted as if reading their minds. "So you two, huh?"

Coming down the steps, Jody finally showed herself behind her fiancée and Alex was in tow. There was no sign of Claire, who in fact, had threatened the night before to ditch them all and chase after a friend in Austin.

"Figured you'd need sustenance," Donna heaved two heavy brown bags into the kitchen. "I'm going to cook you boys a decent meal for a change. Golly knows how much junk you put into your system."

"Hey," Alex edged closer and cautiously patted Cas' right arm with a small smile. She wasn't too certain of the aftermath from last night's chain of events. "How are you doing?"

"I'm quite fine," Cas appreciated the concern and patted the chair next to him. After she lowered herself onto it, he gestured at the puzzle. "I fixed it."

Alex sprang up and stared at the completed piece in awe. "Gosh! You actually did! We were totally struggling with this last night. We had what? Fifty pieces remaining."

"And he was on it all morning," Dean finally spoke up, marveling over Alex's amusement. "He's like that. Very meticulous and good at…fixing things."

"Says the man who took a turn around our house and fixed all the grumpy appliances," Donna poked her head out of the kitchen, wooden ladle in one hand. "Guess it's contagious. You two are the cutest ever."

"Donna," Jody scolded from inside the kitchen and Donna's head disappeared in a flash.

About an hour later, everyone seated themselves around the map table with a large pot of stewed chicken with steamed vegetables and hot biscuits sitting in the middle. Conversation was light, mostly dominated by Sam and Donna as they bickered about whether the Loch Ness monster was real. Alex on the other hand appeared nostalgic. Maybe she was savoring the family time they were sharing. And Jody was intently assessing Cas and Dean from across the table, hoping that she could at least decipher whether things were still rocky or not.

"So, I was hoping I could swing by and say hi to my friend who works at Saint Anne's Orphanage not too far from here," Jody said after a while. "Was wondering if you boys would join me since Alex and Donna would like to go shopping."

"Um, I actually have to buy some socks and shirts," Sam piped up from his side of the table.

Jody focused her gaze on the only other two men in the room. "Cas? Dean? You two game?"

"Of course, I'd love to go with you," Cas said earnestly as he carefully poked the fork into a cube of chicken and stared at it. "Dean can drive us." He almost choked on his mouthful of food when the older Winchester nudged his knee under the table in disapproval.

"Perfect, Donna can use our car."

The drive to the Orphanage was a chatty one between Cas and Jody. The latter discovered that Cas had a fascination in teas, and she was a tea lover herself. So naturally, they compared their tastes as Dean rolled his eyes and took control of the wheel. Then, after marveling over teas, they continued to talk about the Loch Ness monster. Then Donna mentioned that she discovered a litter of kittens under an abandoned car in the police station and for the rest of the drive, Cas asked many questions.

Dean always loved the fact that Cas grew so soft when he spoke about animals, especially cats, rabbits and guinea pigs. The color of his eyes would grow warmer. His voice would dip lower and just for a moment, Dean could actually see how Cas became fully human with the wide emotional range of one without any difficulty. And he loved it. He adored every single thing about Cas.

What he wasn't expecting was the magnitude of Cas' effect on other things as well.

From the moment they waltzed into the lobby of the orphanage, two little girls came over and tugged on the bottom of Cas' trench coat. They were around the ages of four and five and apparently, Cas was somewhat fascinating to them, in such an entirety that they wouldn't let go of his hands after taking one of each.

"We caught a frog this morning," one of them explained, her two blonde pigtails swinging wildly as she twirled around on the spot laughing. "And Cindy wanted us to keep it but Sister Mary said we can't because frogs can only take baths in the gutter."

"Did you also know that frogs have families?" Cas led them away into a small corner with books and toys and seemed to have forgotten that Dean or Jody were with him. "Just imagine how sad the frog would have been if you took him away from his home."

"Look at him," Jody smiled warmly and nudged Dean's left arm. She couldn't help but love Cas more than ever before. "He's so good with kids. Makes you wonder if he'll ever want kids of his own someday." Actually, she was fishing. Hoping that maybe things had settled between the two.

Dean had a softer look in his green eyes. In fact, his heart was melting from the sight of Cas tenderly braiding Cindy's undone plait and attaching a small butterfly clip to the bottom.

"He wants kids," Dean said after a while. "He also wanted a pet but with the lives we live, I'm not sure if we're going to be able to have either soon."

"Does he want these things with you?" Jody pried a little more, as they waited on her friend to come downstairs. "Are you two on good terms?"

"We used to talk about those things," Dean admitted to himself out loud. "Then, after everything that's happened, I don't know what's going on between us since last night. It feels like we haven't said a few things as yet. And I guess time will tell but for now, I'm just glad that he's back."

"I know you are," Jody patted Dean's back affectionately. "But don't wait too long to patch things up properly. And after all the bad things both of you have done, you're still here. You got to look at it that way. It's been ten years, Dean. There's nothing about you Cas doesn't know and vice versa."

Except she doesn't really know that we still don't see eye to eye on many things, Dean thought to himself. Cas had been back in less than twenty four hours and they had already been dipped in a fair share of rough patches since. Not that he was actually prickly about it. He was suddenly realizing that whatever they had between them, it wasn't perfect but it was real. And if Cas had walked out two times and come back, then there was something there that mattered. And maybe, that something was a someone and that someone was really him.

"You good there, buddy?" Dean finally wandered over to the play corner and tapped Cas on his right shoulder. Cindy was perched on his lap as Cas read Little Red Riding Hood to her. And Ava had wandered off to build a castle out of blocks.

"I'm fine. Are you?"

Dean's heart melted when their eyes met. He could see it. He really could. Walking into the library in the bunker or a little playroom and finding Cas sitting on a chair with their daughter on his lap. Reading to her. Or braiding her hair. And when these visions came naturally to him, his eyes filled with tears suddenly and he averted his gaze meekly and walked away. To the door he went, and then outside into the sunshine that cascaded upon a swing set and a beautiful garden of flowers. And choosing the swing, Dean sat upon it and tried to breathe.

"Come on, Winchester," he tried to discipline himself foolishly.

He took deep breaths. Trying to calm himself down because he was somehow losing his lungs. He was sinking into a pit of feelings that had resurfaced and this time, those feelings were stronger than ever before. Those feelings burned his chest and dizzied his head. Because he was suddenly thinking about a future; their future together. And even though they had talked lightly about it before, now more than ever,

Dean didn't just dream about having kids with Cas. He wanted to. And by using the word want instead of hoping, Dean realized that there was no other choice.

How could this have happened to him?

He had lost the man he loved more than anything else in his life. Just at a point in his life when he had been hit with a truth that shouldn't have angered him as much. He had almost lost his life too but then Cas saved him and then what? Dean had pushed every single hopeful thing deep into his heart and he had unearthed all the doubts because when he used to think about coming out as being in love with a man, or having others know that he was in love with a man, he had been terrified of the reactions. And now…

Dean didn't care about the reaction of other people or other hunters. He didn't care about their biased views or how they would label his feelings for an angel as blasphemy or sacrilegious. Instead, Dean realized that when he chose love above every other thing, the entire world seemed conquerable.

"Hello," Cas' gravelly voice greeted from behind.

Dean startled, turned around on the swing and admired the breathtaking view of sunlight beaming down on the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his life.

"Hi. Where's Cindy?" he asked, feeling the furnace in his chest flaring up some more.

"She went to find Ava so that they could come outside and chase butterflies," Cas said with a shrug. "They're hoping to find a Monarch today. Yesterday it was a moth. They hate moths."

"Oh," Dean turned to the front, gripped the rope on the swing and blinked hard to keep the tears at bay.

"You're not okay," Cas said softly, flattening the lush green grass with his boots as he came around the swing and stood in front of Dean's sitting form. "Are you still worried about Sam and Mala?"

The hunter sighed because worrying about such things felt trivial at the moment. "I feel like I'm battling a dragon with a bunch of heads right now."

"Then the ideal thing to do would be to attack at its weakest point. Maybe its heart, perhaps?"

Its heart. His heart. Why the hell was he being so juvenile? Why was he overthinking things?

"Why its heart?" he stupidly asked, eyes flicking up to meet blue ones and then returning to his boots. "Why not some other alternative?"

"Dean, are we still speaking about the dragon?" Cas frowned, tilting his head.

"Like maybe the dragon's strongest point is its heart, you know?" the hunter continued babbling. "And maybe all there is to this, is something far more. Something—"

"Slow down…"

"Cas, I can't do this anymore," Dean suddenly croaked, feeling a tear leak down his cheek and hating how vulnerable he was in the most ridiculous moment. "I'm not saying that it's hard. I'm trying to say that you coming back is great. Man, it's fantastic. But there are still a few things that I need to wrap my mind around. Like…I don't know. I'm still thinking."

At first, those blue eyes widened. And then, the angel's chest heaved. "Dean…"

"I keep feeling like we need to say something to each other but we're not saying it. And it's eating my heart raw, man," Dean choked out. He reached up and flicked the tears away briskly then stared off at the garden of sunflowers. "I don't know if we're good or if we're so broken right now, we can't fix this. And maybe I'm the only one who feels this way but how can you be so calm about this? How can you wake up early and fix puzzles and talk about Nessie and teas as if life is just normal again? When I literally had two hours sleep, I feel so tense and it's so freaking easy for me to cry."

For a while, Cas said nothing. The wind spoke a little though. It howled around the building painted in white with wooden walls and a daunting look. It whispered around a stone statue of Mary and baby Jesus swathed in her arms as she gazed down upon him lovingly. And the wind made the flowers dance happily, the leaves rustled and the bell on the gate tinkled a haunting tune.

"I'm not calm," Cas said in a broken voice. He reached out and took the rope on Dean's right. Their fingers were inches apart. "I'm tense and uncertain too. But I'm trying to do things that distract me. Puzzles. Teas. Nessie. Reading a story to a small child that understands love in its simplest form. What we have is so much more complicated but that's why it's so much more beautiful. And I think that we both need to forgive each other for the pain we've caused, whether intentional or not before we can move on."

Maybe that was it. Forgiving the wrongs to kill the pain and the fire inside of his chest. But then when Dean thought about how Cas left, he realized that the most hurtful part of it all was not being trusted enough to explain himself first. Cas never gave him that chance before leaving. Instead, he made assumptions and he walked out and he left these cracks in Dean's heart that were hard to fix because they kept bleeding and he couldn't understand how someone could love him and then actually believe that he would cheat.

He couldn't forget the many nights he spent sitting at the map table, staring at the door above the stairs and willing the sound of it opening. Or when he dragged himself to bed, he deliberately slept facing the door, hoping that Cas would come through it. Or that Cas would call him. Or text him. For weeks, he had developed a routine. And that routine had become obsessive and hurtful and when he realized that he couldn't bring Cas back, that he had no control over that, he changed the most important parts of himself.

He gave up drinking. He couldn't stomach burgers or fries anymore. He couldn't even drive Baby anywhere and Sam had to take care of her for a while. And now, he couldn't understand how broken he had to be to still think of a future with Cas when he had suffered through so much trauma because of Cas. And was it fair? He didn't know. He needed to talk to someone about it. He always wanted to and Sam had been too busy with Mala to even notice that his brother had been dying to talk.

Now, Cas was looking at him as if he was about to cry and all Dean could do was stand up and hug him. Because through it all, he couldn't stop loving him. He couldn't stop wanting him. He couldn't stop caring about Cas or admiring the way he was so kind and so loving. He was gentle. Cas hugged him back tightly, and they ended up clinging to each other as if they were terrified of losing each other.

"Dean don't give up on me," Cas said into the hunter's neck as their hearts couldn't calm down inside their heaving chests. "I'm not perfect. I've never done this before, and I've never loved someone before as much as I love you."

"Same," was all Dean could muster up as a response.

"We will get through this, I promise," Cas said softly, raking his fingers through the other man's soft tendrils. "We will fix this, and we will do that together."

It sounded so simple.

On their way back to the bunker, Jody sensed that everything was wrong between them. She sat in the backseat and felt the tension and despised it because they were so adorable. They were both trying their best to figure things out. In a cruel world like the one they lived in, it was no wonder that their doubts and pain never dulled. And she understood that Dean needed someone to talk to. He just wasn't sure how to ask. So when they finally reached back, Jody stepped up.

"Hey, wait a minute," she tugged on Dean's arm, watching Cas disappear into the bunker. The door didn't make a sound, proving that Donna's remedy worked like magic. And the lot of them weren't back as yet so naturally, it was the right time. "Talk to me," she urged. "What's happening between you two that's making your eyes leak like a faucet?"

Taking in a deep breath, Dean leaned against the hood of the car next to her and shrugged. "You know most of what happened. And then some."

"Yeah, but did you two talk since?"

"We did," Dean nodded, avoiding eye contact. "We talked a lot but…"

"But?" she cast a cautious look at him, and he shook his head.

"I dunno, I feel like something's still…missing. And I don't know what it is."

"Hmm," Jody folded her arms. "Well I don't think anything is missing. I think the problem is that you're still feeling like you're walking on eggshells and as soon as you try too hard, you're frightened that something will happen, and Cas will leave again."

When she said it, Dean knew for a fact that there was a lot of truth in that statement. Someone else viewing the situation from the outside would more than likely gather a clearer understanding of everything. Maybe the real problem was being too invested in a tragedy, getting your head stuck in the mud too deep, that you couldn't face reality anymore.

He swallowed his pride. "I don't know what to do."

"He's here, isn't he?" Jody pointed out as the wind orchestrated the lush green grass to a song of nature. "He came back and what you need to do is make sure that he stays for good."

"I can't do that," Dean frowned. "I can't make him stay if he doesn't want to."

"Dean answer this one, important question," Jody turned towards him and provided a serious countenance. "Are you in love with Castiel?"

When he nodded, she didn't press him for a vocal confirmation. But instead, Jody sighed. "And he obviously loves you. And you have every right to make him stay. Something similar happened between Donna and I. Heck, we almost called it quits because I was paranoid that she wouldn't hang on long enough and she was scared that I would give up. So, what did I do? I realized that I wanted a future with her so I sucked it up and did the one thing that would cement the whole deal."

"You proposed to her," Dean stated in a soft tone, staring at the bunker and feeling his heart flop around his chest at the thought of doing the same.

"Sure did," Jody said proudly. "Now, she's not going anywhere. But I'm not saying that you should jump into it because it's the only choice you have. Course you need to talk a lot more and try to lighten things between you two. And maybe it could be a dinner date, doing the things you two used to love doing together. Maybe it's sex. Who knows?" she shrugged and nudged his shoulder.

"Maybe it's taking a long drive and doing something wild like skinny dipping. Whatever it is, you find it and you try it with him because he loves you, Dean. Castiel is so in love with you, he watched a stranger kiss you, he got his heart broken, and he still came back. At the time he didn't know what was happening, but it must have killed him. But guess what? He's here because he can't live without you. And you can't live without him. And if that ain't true love, then I don't know what is. If Donna had walked in on me kissing another man, I'd still be missing." Jody laughed and so did Dean. She ruffled his hair like a mother would to a son and smiled.

"Thanks," Dean said afterwards, feeling hopeful again. And because he wasn't always skilled in exhibiting the softest emotions to anyone really, he shrugged. "For…everything."

"Any time," she squeezed his arm. "You boys are like my sons. I'd do anything to help you through your hard times. Also, I would like if we can both have weddings that contribute to changing this screwed up world." Jody beamed at his constipated look. "Hey, lighten up. You'll know when the time is right. And Sam, Donna, Claire, Alex, me…we'll be there for ya. Whenever you need us, okay?"

After he nodded, neck flushed a bright red, Jody pulled him into her arms, and they headed towards the bunker. Satisfied he was somewhat. Satisfied and convinced that he always had someone there who cared. And maybe she wasn't exactly a full replacement for his mother's role. But she was enough. And he took her advice.

Two days later, and after he and Cas pretty much said little to each other apart from shy smiles and worried, stolen glances, Dean sucked it up and did the one thing he hoped would help. Or at least, begin the process of patching things up between them. After all, he promised before that he would try harder to prove to Cas that what they were to each other meant so much more to him. So, after careful consideration and little to no help from his brother since Mala had returned from New York, Dean wandered into the library and found Cas perusing a book of poetry.

"Hey." For a moment when their eyes met, like always, they initiated a gaze that tried to search for answers.

And Cas, well, he felt like everything between them was crumbling. "Hi," he simply said, his heart doing a summersault. Those blue eyes travelled from the other man's slightly damp hair, to his denim jacket, black tank and faded blue jeans, then the keys in his right hand. "Are you going out?"

Dean sucked in as much air as he could and bit his lips. He nodded, swallowed then went for it. "I was wondering if you…would…like to maybe go for a drive with me?" He had rehearsed this so many times before seeking out Cas. But he hadn't factored in the thumping of his heart.

"You mean to the grocery store?" Cas had closed his book, and his eyes were alighted. "I believe we are running low on bread, peanut butter and jelly…"

"I wonder who ate them all," Dean smiled, then he nervously laughed. "But they're the best. I mean…the sandwiches. That you make."

"There's nothing special about them," Cas said simply with a shrug. "Sam uses the same process…"

"Yeah, but you kind of make them different for me. I guess you put a little love in there too?" Dean felt his neck grow warmer and he hated himself for being so ridiculously corny.

Cas, however, was smiling as his cheeks colored too. "I try to add a lot of love in everything I do for you," he said in his gravelly voice that immediately weakened Dean's knees. "And you're blushing."

"So are you," the hunter pointed out as he bit his smile. "Um, so about the drive…are you coming with me?"

"Are you asking me out on a date, Dean?" Cas was holding his breath, fingers gripping the book in his hands tightly.

Those green eyes widened and then, Dean blinked. He began to nod slowly. "I guess I am."

Fifteen minutes later found the two of them inside the Chevy Impala, driving down the highway on a beautiful Sunday morning. Windows down, the wind licking their faces and then just because he was feeling good about himself, Dean pawed around in the car until he discovered the right kind of music. And as he pushed Cas' Mixtape into the deck, the angel smiled warmly, shook his head and diverted his eyes onto the rolling grasslands outside his window.

"This feels good, huh?" he asked softly when Ariana Grande's 'Why Try' began. "Like old times. You know, back when you, me, Sam used to be on the road on a hunt. Course, you used to be in the backseat, but it was good."

"I like this better," Cas said, resting his arm on the window. He felt as if Dean was trying so hard to tell him something, but he wasn't sure what it was.

"Well, there's nothing better than this."

Cas' chest heaved and he tried to relax, he really did. But the there was an elephant on his chest and he began to slowly slip into memories of being trapped. Of being in Heaven, watching everything fall apart with his fellow comrade and then choosing to love above everything else. Then, now that he had chosen love, he felt so raw inside, almost like he had made the most difficult choice and because of that, he was still changing.

"Did you miss me, Cas?" Dean asked afterwards, gripping the steering wheel and wishing that his lungs wouldn't quit on him.

"Why would you ask me a question that has such an obvious answer?"

Dean's heart startled a little. "Because maybe I need to hear it from you?" he found that his voice was rustier.

Cas sighed. "Yes, Dean," he said in a flat tone. "I missed you. So much…that I had no choice but to come back to you. Is that what you would like to hear?"

"I get that. I really do." Dean glanced at the other man and tried at least to decipher what was happening between them. "Wait, was that sarcasm?"

Reaching for the music player, Cas turned it off and settled back into his seat. Folding his arms, he felt so wound up and why? Because this wasn't the way love was supposed to feel. Even though he was inexperienced, he had felt better before. He had felt softer and loved and so certain of Dean and now…it was almost as if the other man was trying too hard to make him feel absolutely guilty for leaving.

"Talk to me," Dean tried, feeling his throat painfully twist into a knot.

"No, you go first since you seem to have a problem with me."

"I don't have a problem with you," now Dean was terrified, and somewhat hurt. "This is not about you alone. This is about so much more. You know that. And right now, I feel stupid because of the way I am handling this. Not like an adult. But I feel like a freaking teenager that doesn't have his shit together and it scares me. I'm always so sure of what to do. Of what to say. And when it comes to us, I fuck up so easily without even trying."

"Dean, maybe the problem is that you don't trust me anymore," Cas' voice was unsteady. "You hate that I didn't give you a chance to explain yourself before I walked away and you're afraid that I'll leave you again."

He had hit the hammer on the nail so precisely, at first, Dean couldn't say a thing.

"Wherever you're taking us, we will talk further. But for now," Cas reached up and pinched the corners of his eyes squeezed shut, "focus on the road and not me."

But getting them to the place he had in mind was so damn hard, that for the next five minutes, Dean was literally on the verge of either crying out in pain or shedding a whole lot of tears. And maybe it wasn't a good thing. Maybe it wasn't okay to feel like this when you were in love with someone and wanted to be in a relationship with them. But the truth is, he couldn't let Cas go and he wasn't even going to think of that as an option. Because without Cas, his life was a nightmare and he literally died every second without him.

When the car nosed its way into a small grassy lane that led through a beautiful line of trees, the smell of pine greeted them warmly. And after pulling up near a lake that's surface was glassy, amazing and peaceful, Dean killed the engine and with a heavy heart, he pushed his door open.

So, maybe loving another man wasn't ever going to be easy. But he wasn't easy as well. Dean realized that for most of his life, every single thing about him was complicated to a point where he never could live a normal life. So, why was he expecting his love life to be easy? Why was he expecting something from Cas that was softer and peaceful when both of them had literally been dragged through hell and back?

After he decidedly made the first move by spreading the navy-blue blanket by the edge of the lake, Dean glanced back at the car. Cas was retrieving the basket of sandwiches and lemonade and under his arm was the book he had been reading earlier. As he closed the distance between them, their eyes met and inside Dean's chest, he felt his heart sigh, not only because of how prickly they were at the moment, but also because he wanted to prove a few things to Cas. Like the fact that he trusted him, but he was still afraid that he'd leave.

When both of them were finally positioned on the blanket; Cas with his feet folded and Dean stretched out, half of his torso propped up on his left elbow, the silence wasn't so golden. Instead, Dean realized that maybe all the things he told Donna about Cas should be brought out in the open between them. He kept searching for these little things that would justify that they were still real and yet, Dean couldn't at least tell the truth. So, now, he decided to and he didn't care that the cracks in his heart hurt a lot. Or that he couldn't breathe.

After he told Cas about his habit of staring at doors after the angel had left, hoping that he'd walk in again, something softened in those blue eyes. He told him about hating the groaning of the bunker's door. Of lamenting to Sam that they needed to fix it because truthfully, the sound killed him every time as he recalled the times when Cas left.

Dean told Cas about using his teddy bear mug in the mornings to drink tea. Of borrowing his soft blue blanket with the bumblebees and the white rabbits and sleeping inside like a burrito. And the nights when he couldn't sleep, how he slept in Cas' bed, and he pretended that the pillow was the angel. And when he stopped after his voice broke a little, Dean gave up from feeling emotionally drained and he stretched out on the blanket.

"When you were reading to that little girl in the orphanage, I kind of got lost in this dream of me walking into the library," Dean confessed, "and finding you sitting there with…our daughter…on your lap. Reading to her." Those green eyes latched onto the floating clouds across the brightest blue sky. "Call me crazy, Cas, but it's not that I don't trust you. I don't think that I trust myself because…I keep wanting to share all these things with you. I keep wanting a future that seems so real to me and then I'm so scared that you'll leave again because I don't feel like I deserve any of it."

He had talked for such a long time without Cas saying anything at all, that after a while, Dean felt deprived of a two-way conversation. It was almost as if he was talking to a ghost that was gazing at him and possibly judging him for all the things he had confessed.

Cas, however, slowly inched his hand closer to Dean's folded fingers and when they touched, something inside of his chest lit up. "You've just said everything that I wanted to hear," Cas admitted softly. "And Dean?"

The hunter's eyes gazed into blue ones. "Yeah?"

Cas smiled. "You deserve to be loved in the most beautiful way there is."

Dean smiled back and he collected the angel's fingers between his. "You too, Cas."

"I was wrong to leave without giving you a chance to explain yourself. I cannot apologize enough for that. But if you keep holding that against me, then what we can have together…will never be easy."

"That's true," Dean admitted, remembering Jody's words of advice. "You came back. That's all that should matter."

"And I might sound terrible by confessing this," Cas' voice was unsteady suddenly, "but because we were apart for so many weeks, I longed for you in so many ways, Dean. I might be selfish but when I came back that night, all I wanted was everything physical and emotional and when you told me that you didn't want me…"

"Cas, come on," Dean pleaded with his eyes, as he entwined their fingers and brought the angel's hand to his lips. "I told you that I wanted the same thing. Like more than anything else. Remember what I did to you in the kitchen, dammit? I couldn't stop myself."

"But I could have slept with you in your bed without us touching," Cas offered a soft look. "Or on the floor because I wanted to be near to you after spending so much time being so far away. Anyway, we are here now."

"Yeah, we are." Dean rose up lazily, reached for the basket and poured them two glasses of lemonade. "You've got to admit that I sucked at my first blowjob, right?" he wanted to lighten the mood a little more and succeeded when Cas chuckled. "Like, no pun intended. But it was new to me, and I was like…terrified."

"You did an amazing job," Cas reached out and ruffled the other man's hair. He sipped on his lemonade and felt somewhat lighter than before. "Do you remember the pizza man and the babysitter?"

"How could I forget?" Dean gave into laughing loudly. "Man, you were something back then. You were always so…clueless at times and it was so adorable that I couldn't help myself from falling in love with you. Like the time when I took you out to get laid and you freaked out that poor girl until we got thrown out."

"I just told her the truth," Cas smiled around the rim of his red cup. "It's not my fault that she refused to accept what her father had done. Do you want to know the truth though, Dean?"

The hunter raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Hit me with it."

Shyly, Cas lowered his blue eyes and sighed. "That night, the reason why I was so tense and against the idea of frequenting such a modest brothel is because…well I didn't want to get laid by anyone else…. but you. And—"

"You could have told me," Dean's eyes widened after realizing how he had screwed up. "I mean, sure I would have been totally shocked by the request but…I might not have…turned you down."

"Oh right," Cas rolled his eyes. "Like you were so ready to admit that you had feelings for me from the moment I walked into that barn ten years ago. It took you all this time to come to terms with what any of it meant. I don't think you were even aware of—"

"I was aware," Dean stared at Cas as he felt his heart flapping around like a fish out of water. "I had the feelings and the needs. Dammit, Cas, I wanted you in ways that made me turn against myself. But I couldn't label it because well…as you know, when I was a kid, my father kind of made sure that I didn't give in to being less of a man as he called it. And when those feelings for you developed inside of me, I turned against them."

"Supposed I had kissed you that night," Cas wondered out loud. "Would you have kissed me back?"

"Well I'd like to think that I would have pushed you away," Dean thoughtfully considered a flock of birds flying overhead. "Afterwards, things would have been awkward. But I would have come around. Eventually."

"Give or take five or six years after?" Cas smiled humorously.

"I'm a complicated man," Dean shrugged and toed off his boots.

He stretched out on the blanket again and when the bottom of his black tank bunched up around his waist exposing some skin, Cas stopped breathing. Before he could gather enough restraint though, Cas' hand wandered closer and then his fingers were lightly caressing the soft, skin that felt so warm to the touch. And so…appealing, more appealing when Dean's chest heaved from the intimate gesture, strengthened when their eyes connected and all he could present was a need to be touched so much more.

Cas, turned sideways and propped up on his left elbow, dared to seek out what he had been missing for so long by driving his hand upwards and inside Dean's tank. And he could feel how breathless the other man was, even as Cas searched for Dean's heartbeat and discovered that what he wanted most in that moment was to kiss him. He wanted to. And so he did, leaning down slowly and pressing their lips together in the softest kiss possible. And when they connected in such a subtle way, it was almost too blissful.

"If you want more, follow me," Dean suddenly said, diving out from under the kiss and springing up gleefully. He jerked his chin at the blue water, remembering when his father brought him and Sam there a few times to swim.

Cas groaned when he realized what the invitation entailed. "You are quite aware of how tempting the request is, that I cannot turn you down." He watched Dean shrug off his denim jacket, then his black tank and Cas choked on air when the hunter proceeded to peel off his blue jeans, leaving little more to imagine.

"Come and get me," Dean smiled widely, and after feeling like his chest was on fire with so much excitement, he dove into the water. After resurfacing two seconds after, those green eyes located Cas still sitting on the blanket. "Stop being like that," Dean tried, laughing.

"I can't swim."

"It's not deep. It's shallow where I am. Cas, come on," Dean pouted.

"Is it cold?" the angel asked, folding his arms protectively.

"Nope," Dean lowered himself into the water until his eyes were visible. He blinked slowly at Cas.

"Okay, but if the water is cold, I'll make you pay." Slowly, Cas shrugged off his trench coat.

"Oh I can't wait," Dean teased, watching intently as the other man started unbuttoning his black, long sleeved shirt and then after resting it neatly on the blanket, he sighed.

"Avert your eyes," Cas bit in a smile.

"You do remember that I've seen…all of you already?" Dean raised his eyebrows and chuckled, bobbing up and down in the water. "But sure, I'll turn my back."

For a while, there was no sound but the chirping of birds and the rustle of the leaves in the trees. Then there were two soft plops as Cas evidently entered the lake and holding his breath, Dean felt his heart beating wildly as he waited. And waited, and waited and then he felt those familiar hands snaking around his waist, Dean turned around. But then, he probably shouldn't have done an about turn so fast because in a flash, he realized that there was Cas. And their lips were an inch apart and everything else was too.

"In the famous words of Taylor Swift," Cas breath hitched a little and the water splashing around his shoulders, "are you ready for it?"

"Oh hell yeah," Dean smiled widely and moving in, he crushed their lips together, knocking the air out of both of their lungs.