13

Scotch Thoughts

Fast Food for Thought

Lee paused in the middle of his living room and slowly turned in a 360 degree turn. His well-trained senses took in every detail. The room was clean, it had been for months. The yellow pot of mums that Amanda had given to him a while ago sat in the middle of the coffee table, every bloom and leaf looking healthy and colorful. He had placed the plant there on purpose for the evening because it warmed the otherwise cold gray of his apartment and tonight was all about warmth. He had set the table as soon as he had gotten home; it looked cozy and friendly. He recalled the first time that Amanda had dinner there as he set it. They had eaten steak and potatoes then too; it was going to be a signature meal for them, he thought. That had been the first time he had let her in as a friend beyond the context of work only. It had been the beginning of this new part of life for him; he could recognize that now. As he placed the plates on the table, he could feel a twinge of guilt as he remembered Leslie setting a third place for Amanda and his lightning quick reaction of removing it. Yes, this was right. Having Amanda be the one at his dining table was the only thing that made sense to him. The candles were all set to light as soon as dinner was ready. Those, too, had carried a memory. She had noticed them lit when she had come with the chocolate cake and had scared away the last of his old life. And for some odd reason she had wanted them lit while Francine had guarded her at his apartment during that god awful scare with Retzig and the personality altering chicken salad sandwich. Tonight they would be lit for the two of them on purpose. There was a fire in the fireplace, and the smell of the potatoes baking in the oven was just beginning to emanate from the kitchen. The bottle of wine was opened and airing so that it would be perfect when Amanda walked in. It really was a special bottle of wine, one of the ones he had planned for her to pick up and bring to her house when he had been hiding there, pretending to be dead. He appeared to be ready. All that was missing now was Amanda.

He was trying his hardest not to let the nervousness that he felt lately around her take over. For two and a half years he had had every response in the book to this beguiling woman, and now that they had become such great friends, he was very aware of how attracted he really was to her. He still wasn't completely used to the way he was drawn to her, and he couldn't get enough of her. Being with Amanda was so different than the entertaining he had always done. He wasn't trying to impress her with smooth lines and charm. He wasn't trying to get her into his bed. The double doors to his bedroom were firmly closed and the lights in there were out; for the first time in his life he was determined to keep those impulses at bay. This relationship was too important and he knew it. He needed her to know that she could trust him in their friendship even if he felt more than that for her. He didn't want what he was trying to build with Amanda to be a short term thing like he'd always had in the past with others. He had never attempted what he was wanting now with another woman before. The only way not to mess this up was just to be himself and make sure that Amanda could just be herself, so the prescription for tonight was going to simply be a comfortable, warm evening shared by two very good friends with just a hint of romance thrown in for good measure.

As he waited for her arrival, he let his mind go over the past few days. He had been excited to ask Amanda to join him on this case; he had thought it would be right up her alley, and he was looking forward to having an opportunity to spend more time with her… alone. He had known that she was the right choice for the assignment as he overheard her with her family doling out the Marvin's burgers while he waited to catch her attention at his usual spot outside her kitchen window. Her smile and enthusiasm when he spoke with her had only made him anticipate the weekend more. But that night, as he prepared to confirm the reservations that the Agency had made for them at the hotel, he had begun to have thoughts that had dampened his enthusiasm about a weekend overnight assignment with Amanda King, his newly discovered object of his affections.

The Agency had booked two rooms, one for Lee and his partner and one for Francine. Billy had agreed that he needed back up; using Amanda as part of his cover made sense, but Billy had added Francine to the plan as well because he thought that she might be able to acquire information from other places. But as Lee considered how he would address the planned cover with Amanda, he had become increasingly nervous. He had plenty of experience with Amanda's thoughts and feelings about two unmarried people sharing a room, and now he could add to her reservations some of his own. He had never worked a cover as a couple with a woman that affected him like Amanda did. And he didn't want to have to navigate sharing a bed and a bathroom due to an assignment cover with the very person that he was beginning to realize was changing his whole perspective on his own life – at least not yet. For Pete's sake, he hadn't even figured out what he was going to do about the way he felt towards her. It was just too soon to be thrown together like that, and he had scrambled to create a better plan, one that would help him to keep his head and also communicate to Amanda how much he respected her. The brother/sister plan seemed perfect. Francine could fend for herself; that was how she'd rather operate anyway.

Yes, he had been nervous to tell Amanda the scheme he had come up with, when would he learn not to spring things on her? But her disappointment had been palpable and rather amusing – and encouraging. He had gotten the distinct impression that she had been looking forward to sharing a room with him, and as much as that thought thrilled him to the core, he had also been proud of himself because he had come up with the brother/ sister cover. He felt as if he had taken the high ground, and in the end he was glad of it. Especially when he heard her comment as they had checked in, "once married, cured forever." He hadn't known what to make of that. Amanda had always made offhand comments, only recently had he realized how much they affected him personally. Had she been angry with him for choosing the brother/ sister cover? Was she trying to show him that she could take him or leave him? Was she really dead set against remarrying? Maybe she didn't want a relationship of any sort? Was it just part of her cover? Why was he reading into everything she said?

Having Amanda by his side was all he wanted. When they had gone to search the main office, he had called her into the office instead of leaving her out in the hall to keep watch; he had just wanted her near. Being with Amanda had even made that ridiculous sing along sort of fun. But how come he clenched every time he was near enough to her to let her know how he felt? How could he feel so comfortable being with her, and at the same time her near presence made him more nervous than a teenager on a first date? How come he kept flubbing opportunities that he had worked so hard to arrange? How come he kept falling back on his old playboy lines instead of letting the man that she had shown him he could be speak? It was funny the things he heard himself say when he was not interacting with Amanda. Like on that fake phone call/ information drop with Francine. Since when did he end calls with "Good bye, darling?" Since he had begun to see his life connected with another. Francine could notice the change. She had made her sly comment, "My how the times have changed, Scarecrow." He just wanted Amanda to know that it was true. But how come he couldn't get with the program and the new times when it mattered most? Field experience? Ugh! Well tonight he was going to do it the way he had wanted to all along because it mattered so much. He couldn't flub this again. It was too important.

How do you forge a path from the best friendship you've ever had with a great partner to romance? Well, you don't refer to past field experience as you lean in for a kiss, that's for sure. Especially when you want to tell an amazing woman how much you care for her. And the timing of Francine's snide comment hadn't set the stage either. It had all been wrong and he had known it even as he had attempted it, but he hadn't wanted their evening to end. He just liked having her there with him. He had been briefly plagued with the thought that she didn't want what he wanted, but then she had invited him in for coffee and he had been full of hope again. That whole day had been like a see saw, with crazy tension building inside of him; did she want the same thing he did or didn't she? Could he make a first move? Would he? Should he?

But it didn't matter after Carla and Barry had kidnapped her. Once again it was clear, he cared too much. She was life to him. Isn't that what he felt as he covered her body with his in the hallway as the shards from the bomb in his room fell all around them? It had been hard to leave her with Marvin and head back to the Agency with Francine to report to Billy, but Amanda was the best of the three of them to leave with the poor shaken old man. That was what he had to learn to do. Somehow he was going to have to trust her to be safe alone on the job. There were times when he had to put the safety of countless unknown faces before the one that was quickly becoming the dearest to him. Amanda would want him to do that too. He had to respect how hard she had worked to be ready to do this job. And he had to do his job as well. But he also had to make sure Amanda was safe, for his own sake too! That was what had gone through his head as Billy had reminded him of his priorities. And that was what was flying through his head as he had run blindly down the halls of those freezers at the plant trying to find her. He didn't care what Francine or anyone else thought as he yelled for Amanda. He knew that Francine had stared at him as he tried to warm them both; he could see her eyes questioning his fixed gaze on Amanda.

But what had those two talked about as they waited for the ice to freeze them or him to rescue them? Had they talked about him? About how much he had really changed? Had Francine tried to tell Amanda something that would change her thoughts about him? Something had happened between them, that was for sure, and knowing Amanda, he could easily imagine that somehow she had begun what had always seemed impossible with Francine. Had she found a chink in the armor of Francine Desmond? He wouldn't have put it past her. And it made him smile all over again. Amanda King had broken through all of his defenses, it would be fun to watch her work her magic on Francine as well.

He could hear the elevator open in the hall, so he lit the candles. His hands were shaking as he held the match to the wick. Damn it! He had to quiet his nerves. He wanted tonight to be about taking time, about being patient and just enjoying the chance to be with one another, because when you are talking about love you have to be patient. The woman approaching his door tonight was worth every moment and that thought calmed him. Reaching for the door knob his hand was steady. He was ready.