A few notes in responses to the reviews in general.

Yes Ana is a bawse ass bitch for what she did in the negotiations. However, Akash never verbally admitted to what he did. Facial expressions aren't admission enough. Besides, both parties signed an NDA before negotiations began... Mrs. Rahman asking for Ana's forgiveness isn't admission enough for prosecution. Both parties are legally not allowed to share what happened in that room. However, I think we can all guess who Akash might have run to after her left the meeting.

Ana spoke in Hindi which means Christian and Co still don't know the extent of what she said about her past.

Ana's example of dragging her family's name in the mud was in reference to not only violating her family's privacy by bringing charges against Vishaal but also, should they flip and hit her with a lawsuit, everyone's name will come out and well... that shit will be messy. Above all, she has no proof so she will face the brunt of it. It gets even messier now that she's with Christian because she is also thinking about how it will eventually, negatively affect him.

In regards to her conversation with Nani, in chapter 12, Ana mentions very briefly that she tells Nani what happened. However, we will not know the extent of that conversation until much later in the chapters. As to why Nani won't do anything... the chapter with the date for Feb 12th, 2020 will explain a lot of Ana's thought process in regards to all this. That is a major drama chapter, there will loads of fun in there but also lots of drama... I'm not sure if you guys want lemons in that chapter, PM your preference, LOL.

Another thing, I know you all want Christian to save her. But this is Ana's fight and it's about to get a hell a lot more frustrating and real. I promise they will not break up again but they will grow stronger, yes they will fight every now and then but they will remain together. There will be some really heartfelt moments and happy chapters too where they have fun. Over all, a main focus will be on them really getting to know each other and analyzing their trauma together. Even in Flynn's sessions I try not to include a lot of Flynn's advice because... I'm not a therapist and I want to use those instances to describe more what the characters are feeling and how they think. As promised there will be a HEA but there's a lot of story before that.

I've already written the ending to the story. I change little things here and there as I write the middle part so, yeah... getting there slowly but surely.

In regards to there being confusion as to how Ana can call herself Muslim when you compare her to other people who are practicing Islam, well let me set the record straight... Islam is 80% intention, her relationship with the religion is purely spiritual. She may not pray five times a day, cover herself or engage is about to look like A LOT of pre-marital sex but in the end, it's her guiding compass in life to be a good person above all. She derives inspiration from being Muslim and South Asian as a result of her grandmother and family. In the end, her personal relationship with God is what matters. What or how to practices her religion in her own time is her right. She talks about this in chapter 13.

Again, thank you to each and every single one of you for taking the time out to not only read but leave reviews. It means the world.

P.S. Jess, please make an account. I don't know how to reach you, wanted to check in on you about your test results. Much love!

Sofia: this is the chapter I was talking about with the Portuguese song, plus a little more :)

This chapter is almost 19000 words. I wanted to give them a whole weekend of reconnecting with each other after so many days apart and also give you guys a break from all the god damn drama I've thrown at you. That however does not mean this chapter doesn't start with some drama... but it ends on a happy note.


Chapter 30 - I be fallin' for you, baby

Saturday, February 1st, 2020

APOV

I feel Christian's lips on my neck. He plants soft kisses and I can feel his erection digging into me. I want him, I really do but I can't get distracted again. I wish my body didn't betray me like this. I feel like I've constantly been at war for the past the past three weeks. At war within myself for wanting him, to let him fill me and have his way with me against all logical thought that I should runaway from all this and that I don't deserve this.

I turn to him and God he's so fucking beautiful. I put my hand on his face and he just looks at me, it's an intense expression that reminds me of our first night in the bathtub at Big Sur. It's as if he's telling me he loves me. I give him a small kiss but he goes in to deepen it and I hear him groan... his tongue slowly dancing with me as his hands run all over my body.

"Baby, I've missed you so much." He moans between kisses. It lights a fire within me but I need to stay focused. I break away from the kiss and look at him.

"I can't right now, I'm sorry." I look at him and his eyes fall. He takes a breath and nods a little and plants a small kiss on my lips.

"Breakfast?" he asks, as he traces small shapes on my cheek with his thumb.

"I'm a little tired to make anything, I'll just have some tea and cereal I think." I say. I truly am tired, mentally and physically just spent. I've been living on processed food or take out for the past few weeks aside from what Grace brought me and what Mia made. I really want a good home cooked meal. I miss Nita and Nani's cooking.

"Whatever you'd like baby, Gail has fully stocked the fridge with options so we can go through it."

"Okay, I'm going to take a quick shower first. I don't feel so great." I say and make my way to get up.

"Are you okay, what happened? You want me to call Kate?" He sounds panicked.

"No, no, I mean, I just feel a little tired, I couldn't sleep well last night, so a shower will help." I smile at him and turn to and walk towards the front of the bed to pick up my thermal tights that I wore under my saree petticoat. I figure I'll take a shower and just wear his shirt with the tights for the time being, till I've had breakfast and then I'll head home. I'm not sure if I can spend an entire weekend here with him.

The shower feels sublime. It also helps that it's fucking huge than the little joke of a shower stall back in my apartment. A part of me doesn't want to leave the confines of this glass box but I can't stay here forever. I get done, dry myself and get dressed. Christian isn't in the room when I come out so I go out and find him in the kitchen with 3 different cereal boxes placed on the counter with a bowl and milk and a hot cup of tea waiting. I walk up and see a bowl of cut fruit and some cookies. I have to laugh.

"Such an eclectic breakfast spread."

"Variety is the spice of life." He says smiling.

I know he doesn't mean anything negative by it but it stings a little, I feel like the anti-thesis of that statement. He could eventually get bored of me and I'd be replaced with another option. I try my best to shake these thoughts and remember what Dr. Flynn said

"Anastasia, if you cannot love yourself, you will not be able to allow another to love you. You will continue to feel unfulfilled in life. You have to try your best to trust again. Little by little."

I smile back at him and choose the Honey Bunches of Oats cereal and pour some milk with it. He takes his seat by me with a cup of coffee and has the same cereal as me. I feel like a teenager who had a sleepover. It feels cute. He looks amazing as always, wearing a white t-shirt with dark grey sweats that hang off of his hips in a way that make my inside melt. His hair is a mess and I'm dying to run my hand through it and kiss him till my lips fall off but I need to keep myself in check.

We're sitting close but barely speak to each other. We eat mostly in silence. I check my phone for news and do the regular social media scan to see what everyone is up to. I can feel his eyes on me, I want to look up but know that if I do, I'll be a goner. Why the hell do you have to have those piercing eyes, Grey?

He gets up and gathers his bowl and cup to take to the sink. The silence between us deafening.

"Christian?" He looks up at me and I can see a little apprehension in his eyes. "You said last night, you'd tell me whatever I wanted to know. Is that true?" He nods. "Yes, Ana it is. You can ask me anything and I will tell you the truth, no matter how ugly it may sound." He looks contrite.

I pick up my bowl and cup and walk around to place it in the sink. When I turn around we are barely a foot or two apart. I can feel the heat from him. I need to focus.

"Those 17 women you've been with, I imagine you have files on them. I want to see them."

His eyes widen and he swallows. "Okay, they're in the study."

I follow him and stand by his desk. He opens his file cabinet and takes out a stack of files. I pick them up and sit down on the floor by the big ceiling to floor window.

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" He asks.

I look up at him. "I'm comfortable this way. I'd rather be closer to the ground anyway, I flew up too high and I paid the price for that." He looks down and nods as he swallows.

I start to go through the files one by one. The information punches me repeatedly. Each woman is more beautiful than the last; petite, with medium to long brown hair. Fuck, I hope Cynthia isn't in these... thought she did say she was a submissive on the East Coast only. Still... breathe, Ana, breathe.

I see careers ranging from medical resident to lawyer, makeup artist to horse trainer even a high level executive at a private equity firm and here I am, a broke legal assistant with an English lit degree. The files list their addresses, age, background, bank account details, and the amount of money he paid them, languages they speak and even their bra size among other things. I read their copies of the BDSM contracts, all their hard and soft limits. It's enlightening and heartbreaking at the same time. One woman stands out to me in all this; Leila Williams an art student. She was his submissive for more than a year. She's gorgeous, model like, long brown hair with fiery amber eyes. I feel so inadequate. I feel like a fool.

"I guess you really do have a type." I say trying to hide my wavering voice. He doesn't say anything.

"You paid them $20,000 a month. For every three month contract they made $60,000 and you bought them a fucking car and paid their rent? My salary for the year is barely $70,000 that too with the raise. I guess maybe I should've gotten into this line of work. I could've paid off my student loans and credit card within 2 months along with getting all this other shit" I scoff as tears run down my eyes.

He's sitting across from me on the floor, watching me intently. His eyes fall again..."Ana, the more established Dom you are the more perks you offer. Yes some people will even offer a place to live on top of giving a car. It varies. I offered the car to ensure their safety. Every good Dominant will provide safety and financial security to their submissive if they can afford to."

"I have so much I want to say but I'm going to keep my mouth shut for now because I'd rather talk about this with Flynn." I shake my head with disgust. Why the fuck do I feel so jealous? "Where's my file?"

"You don't have one."

"But you wanted me to be number 18. Surely, you at least did a background check on me?"

"It was a very initial thought Ana. I had just seen you at GEH and I had thought about it briefly but it was thanksgiving weekend and I felt a little guilty calling up Welch; he's my investigator of sorts, to get all your information and then before I knew it I was at the wedding with you and I didn't want you as a submissive and therefore didn't feel the need to get your information, I just wanted to know who you were from you and your loved ones. I wanted to do things differently. As for the NDA, I just knew I could trust you. I don't understand it. You made me feel safe."

I look down at the stack of files I just went through again.

"Did you guys get a background check on me?" He asks.

I look to him. "Nana offered. He asked me if I wanted a background check on you and I declined. I told him that if there was anything worth hiding, that I'd rather hear it from you..." I trail off trying to control myself and not cry.

He looks down and nods.

"They're all so beautiful and seem like wonderful people. How could you not want them?" My throat and my eyes burn. This is so fucking annoying, why am I crying? Get it together, Ana. Be strong.

"I just didn't. None of these arrangements were meant to be permanent in that way. They always ended up wanting more or turned out to be bat shit crazy and I never wanted more with anyone till we met. I didn't even know what more could look like for me till I met you." He looks to me with searching eyes.

"Didn't you try to get to know them?"

He shrugs. "I wasn't interested in idle conversation. To me, that was 'more' and I didn't want that. All I was interested was sex as a form of release. That's it. We got what we wanted out of the arrangement and went our separate ways after the weekend or after the contract was over."

Breathe. Just breathe.

"The files say you made them take the depo shot but some only took the pill. How do you know you don't have a child or children out there?"

"Well, for starters, I always wore a condom. Whenever I ended a contract, I had each of these women followed for 6 months to make sure."

"Christian, you and I never used a condom when were first got together... in fact you never use one." I put my head in my hands.

"Well, I didn't exactly come to the wedding with the intention of having sex. Besides, another first for us."

I look up and he has a small smile. I know this is his attempt at a joke and I won't lie it is funny but I am fucking pissed. I know I'm irrationally pissed off and holding his past against him. I want to scream. I'm so fucking stupid. I know the pill is effective and I am religious about it but I'm equally stupid in this.

"The fact that you decided to fuck me bareback doesn't make me feel at all special Christian. The fact that you bought these women cars, a place to live, paid for their schooling or paid them money in general and bought them clothes and then had them followed... that seems like such a high price to pay for a few weekends of them staying here for fucked up play time. You could've easily just met someone and tried to go about this the normal way, you could've given that money to charity. You could have had a fulfilling life Christian. You say you want to shower me with love and gifts, how the fuck can I accept any of that in light of all this. How can I not feel like I'm number 18." I say as my voice cracks.

I need to control myself. Why am I so angry?

"None of that ever appealed to me. I didn't think I deserved it, Ana. Besides you know this better than I do, all anyone ever sees when they look at me is just this face and the money. I was convinced I was destined to be alone. My mind was a dark place and I had all this rage inside of me. You said you have darkness inside of you, so do I. This is how it came out. I'm 50 shades of fucked up. This is my past and I cannot change it. You cannot lump yourself with them. Please don't. You have no idea what you mean to me. None of these women were allowed to touch me; in fact, no one is allowed to touch me. Only you. The way you show me affection, you are the first woman to do that. You're the only woman I trust. You are the only woman I ever want. I crave your touch, I crave you in the most desperate way, like the air I need to breathe. You have me in a way no one is this world could ever have for as long as I live." He says with a low and strained voice.

I look down, tears stinging my eyes. I understand what he's saying and it's beautiful but my fear is clouding my judgment. I am so afraid.

I look up again "I have questions about the playroom."

He takes a breath. "Okay, what do you want to know?" I get up and pick up the files and put them on his desk.

"Get the key to the room and follow me." I walk out and go up the stairs. I remember Cynthia's words.

"He calls it a playroom? Interesting, usual terminology is Dungeon. I've met some younger Dom and Domme's who like to call it a playroom... pretty fucking hipster if you ask me. This one Dom I was training on the East Coast called it a playroom and it was beautifully decorated... I guess that's why? The visuals and interior finishes. I've otherwise seen some pretty shitty looking dungeons, now that I think about it. Hmm, I'm going to have to some research on this. He must be a real new age kinda Dom"

He goes to retrieve the key from the utility drawer and joins me in front of the door after a few minutes.

"Ana, the last time we were here, it went really badly. I am trying to give you all the information you want but I can't bear seeing you go through the same thing again." His voice is almost broken.

"Just open the fucking door Christian." I bark.

He opens the door to the room and the lights automatically turn on. I walk in and look around again, I vaguely remember it, I remember everything in fragments from that night. The room is dark and smells of lemon. Dark mahogany paneling, soft and warm recessed lighting, a four-poster bed with red satin sheets and a red leather couch. It looks luxurious, like the inside of a red wine bottle, without all the torture devices it would actually be a really beautiful room. I walk over to look at each item closely. I never got the chance to before. I see canes, whips, leather cuffs, metal cuffs, riding crops and floggers. A small chest of drawers, I open each one by one, and recognize the items, butt plugs, dildos, vibrators, genital clamps, silk blindfolds, anal beads etc. Nope, never doing anything anal... EVER. The extensive research on all things BDSM is finally coming in handy. I understand it a little better now and the talk with Flynn helped including that meeting with Kate's BDSM contact, Cynthia, it's not as scary as it was when I first was met with all this a few weeks ago.

I take my time and I can feel Christian's apprehension in the air, he's probably dying. The feeling of power it gives me is addictive. Way to be an asshole, Ana. I finally look back at him and he looks scared as fuck.

I turn off my emotions. I have to. "Walk me through a weekend. How does it work?" I ask him and I realize I sound so bitchy.

"Ana, please, are you sure you want to know all of this?" he asks, he's scared I can tell.

"Did I stutter? I want this information and you agreed to answer all my questions." He blinks a few times and tries to recover.

"Well, the sub in question would stay here from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. In the event they weren't available on a weekend, we would arrange to meet during the week if I needed to. They stay in the room down the hall, which you saw before. They are allowed to keep their belongings in that room only. They were only allowed in that room, here and the kitchen. They were only allowed to speak when spoken to or if they asked permission to speak. They were never allowed to look at me without my permission, which again, I rarely gave. The behavior was completely controlled and if they did something they weren't supposed to then they were punished in this room."

"Total Power Exchange?" I ask.

He eyes go wide and he answers in a small voice. "Yes."

"Did it go beyond the weekend, the TPE?"

"In a way yes. They had rules which I required them to follow to ensure their safety and if they broke those rules or were careless then they were ..." He is unable to complete the sentence.

"How did you punish them?" I ask.

"Ana... please." His discomfort is palpable.

"TELL ME CHRISTIAN!" I scream at him.

He closes his eyes and clenches his fists and immediately releases them.

"It could be anything, I could cuff them and hook the cuffs to the grid up there and deny them an orgasm using a vibrator or a riding crop etc. Constantly bringing them to the brink and then denying them till they safeworded or if I ever thought they had been punished enough. Then I would stop and release them and they were allowed to go back to their room. Sometimes I'd fuck them for my own release and not theirs. I'd use a cane or belt on them, the bigger the infraction the harsher the punishment would be. Again, nothing more than they could take, Ana."

"I see." I feel a renewed surge of anger run through me. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.

"Was anyone ever seriously hurt? Any lasting marks? Any bleeding?" I look at him with tears falling. Please say no. Please tell me you never did that. Please.

He closes his eyes as if I've pained him. "No Ana, never. Again, I never went beyond a sub's limits. Blood play was a hard limit for me. And those whips you see there... I never used them. They were just there for visual purposes... they're just a standard in the lifestyle when setting up a room like this. I personally had no interest in every using them."

"How did you reward them?" I feel my voice crack.

He breathes and runs his hands through his hair. "Ana please..." I look up at him, willing him to tell me. He looks down again.

"I was their reward. I'd fuck them and let them orgasm instead of denying them. I'd give them more money if they wanted it or buy them clothes, whatever materialistic shit they wanted."

I nod slowly trying to process what he's telling me. It breaks me but at the same time I feel this dark sense of calm. I can't seem to explain it.

"Were you affectionate with them?"

"No. I barely even kissed any of my subs. I had no real desire for the connection. I focused solely on my own pleasure mostly in that regard."

Do I even want to ask about the aftercare? Fuck... no, Ana. Just walkaway from this. Just stop.

"Did these women cook for you?"

"The first few turned out to be shitty cooks so I always asked Gail to have the kitchen stocked for the weekend."

"Where else in the apartment have you had sex with these women?" I'm so ready to bleach every surface to hell right now.

"Only in this room."

I need to move from this line of questioning. This is all in the past. He loves me. He wants to be with me. I remember the bracelet. Our firsts. He introduced me as his girlfriend. He introduced me to his grandparents. He wants us. He's choosing us... he wants me. He cherishes me. Everything else is in the past. I need to move forward with him. I need to trust in us.

"Are you still in contact with them?"

"No. Once the contract is void, I cease all contact. They are allowed to contact Travis and messages are filtered through him and security."

"I see."

I take a deep breath and I look up to him. "I can't offer you this in the way you need it Christian. I... can't...even if I wanted to, I could never see myself indulging in any of this, especially in this room. I cannot unsee those 17 women here. I'd be willing to maybe try some things but only in a place that was completely ours." I run my hands through my hair to try and calm myself and take another deep breath.

"Christian, I did my research on this. I talked to Flynn about it and I really have tried to keep an open mind about all of this. I had no reference to this when I first found out and it freaked me the fuck out.

I don't know why, but for some reason I do understand being restrained, being spanked as a means for sexual pleasure, I understand the role play and the varying degrees of it all for fun but the heavy punishment aspect of this lifestyle, the really painful shit... I cannot wrap my head around it. How can you beat someone like that for breaking a rule? How can you whip them or use a cane on them? You went through that pain yourself... how could you want to inflict the same kind of pain on someone else, even if they wanted it?..."

Truth is, I wouldn't mind being blindfolded or restrained or spanked, I don't know why but it doesn't really scare me I mean... within reason of course, but the idea of Christian being in this room and beating someone for breaking a rule is terrifying.

He looks down. "I understand it now, Ana. I do. I've been working with Flynn on this. Please believe me when I say that I would never inflict pain on you. I would rather die. As far as the other stuff, I would never make you try anything you're not comfortable with." I can tell he's sincere but this room is starting to close on me.

I make my way out of the room but realize I need to make myself clear on one more thing.

CPOV

She turns to exit the playroom and then suddenly stops at the threshold and looks back at me. She has the same chilling expression like the day of the negotiations with Akash.

"I want to make one thing very clear Christian, with this second chance there will be definitive parameters. If there is any aspect of your life that can directly impact my well being, you need to be forthright about it from the get go. If you find out that sub sneezed within a 5 miles radius of me, you tell me. And as for that horrible excuse of a woman who abused you, I swear to God, if she comes near any of us again I will cut that bitch in half and relish every moment of it. I don't care how much you think you owe her. You don't, she taught you nothing but lies. That's all she did. She robbed you. That entire aspect of your life is hard limit for me and I know you feel the same way about that asshole in my life but I am in a very tough situation myself, he's part of my family. You have the luxury to walkaway. I don't."

She stops to take a breath and compose herself again.

"You claim to want to take care of me and keep me safe... loyalty, respect and communication will keep me safe; that is non-negotiable for me. You drop ball like this again and it is fucking over. You hear me? I will disappear from your life and I won't give two shits about anything or anyone. You think you're 50 shades of fucked up? You haven't met the full breadth of my 50 shades of indifference, with all the love I have within me, I can just as easily kill it to save myself if I'm motivated enough. Do you understand me? I need verbal confirmation that you do."

I feel my heart fall into my stomach. Holy fuck. Is this how Akash felt? Like death at his doorstep? But she's giving me a second chance. Finally. She's coming back.

"Yes, I understand." I barely get the words out. Fuck, she is terrifying.

"And another thing. I am not your submissive and you will not dare try to treat me as such, I know it's all that you've known but you're living in the real world now. Not some make-believe lifestyle. I will not have rules. We will have conversations and reach a compromise if we do not share the same view on the matter. You will not make any decisions for me without my consent unless I give you explicit permission to do so. I had a whole life before you, it's complicated and it's messy but it's mine and you have to tread lightly and trust me that I know what I'm doing because any wrong step on my part can negatively affect people I really love in that family. I am your equal and you have to treat me and view me as such. The South Asian culture already is suffocating and submissive enough, I don't need to deal with it my life outside of the family."

I nod. "I understand. I do see you as my equal Ana. As I said before, I'm working with Flynn to curb my dominant tendencies and need for control. I'm going to try my best I just ask that you be patient with me in the process as well. I will be getting rid of this room."

"I will be patient but again, everything will require conversation, I don't know how to read your mind and I am not asking you to get rid of this room. This is your apartment; I am not going to make you change anything. If you want to then go ahead and keep it. Just know that I won't be coming in here."

"No, I want to get rid of it. I... I was going to before but I wanted to do it myself and then I just couldn't bring myself to come in here after everything. Memories from that night were too painful and even having you here now... the look in your eyes... it's... difficult."

She swallows and turns to walk away.

We walk downstairs and Ana is quiet again. It's been a heavy night followed by a heavy morning. I can't help but watch her, it feels predatory but I can't risk a repeat of 6 weeks ago. I answered every question she asked. I'm on pins and needles. I'm surprised I'm still alive, I was sure she would murder me in the playroom. I follow her into the bedroom. She starts to collect her things.

"Are you leaving?" I ask and realize I sound panicked, fuck. I quickly follow with "I was hoping you'd stay the weekend." I'm desperate as fuck and at her mercy.

She sighs and looks back at me. "Well, I don't have any of my stuff here so I do have to go home. Plus I have a list of things to do, grocery shopping, laundry and the like. Kate and Elliot are away this weekend and no doubt the made a mess before they left." She goes quiet.

"And besides, I know I said this exclusively for the playroom but I can't help but see all those 17 women around here. I know they never slept with you here but the shared spaces... I don't know if it's jealousy on my part or the feeling of inadequacy but I just need some time. I know I asked to keep things private for now but I'm also realizing that being cooped up all the time isn't good for me and that too in a space that's really emotionally charged for me." She looks out to the window as she speaks. I walk over to her and hold her face in my hands; her gaze falls to the floor.

"Baby, look at me." She looks up and there are tears forming. I kiss her, I understand how she feels and I need to give her the space she needs.

"Would you be open to spending the weekend at my apartment instead?" She asks innocently. "I know it's not as big as this stadium of an apartment but it's comfortable and you can bring your laptop in case you have some work to do. You can also use the guest room to make any private calls, plus I think I'm owed some more memories of us there." She giggles and I kiss her again. She's so adorable.

"I'd love to spend the weekend with you baby. I'll go pack a bag and clothes for Monday morning." I say. She beams at me and pulls me in for another kiss. As I gather my things, I text Taylor to make sure Elena never comes near Ana or any of us again and to monitor her movements. Along with constant monitoring of the subs. I don't want them near us. Ana is my future and my sole focus in life.

We head down the garage and I head towards the R8.

"Um... we're going grocery shopping Christian, let's take the SUV."

"But the R8 is more fun" I whine as I laugh.

"It's also a over the top douche move to take it for a grocery run" she giggles. "Time to teach you domestic etiquette." she teases.

We first head out to the regular supermarket where she buys staples for her pantry; pasta, some vegetables and fruits in addition to Kate's favorite snacks and beverages. She's a woman on a mission, she barely speaks to me, I just follow her and at times it's comical how she remembers random stuff and runs to the aisle to get it.

Our next stop is the Indian grocery store. She tells me she only buys halal or kosher meat because it's just better quality than regular American offerings.

We get to the Indian store and I turn the car off and Ana turns to me.

"Okay so, I'm going to ask you to stay in here for this trip."

"Why what happened?"

"It's a South Asian thing. The uncle and aunty, by the way older men and women are automatically called uncle aunty, no relationship needed, who own the shop are super nosy and if you're with me it'll cause a slight meltdown."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she wanted to set me up with her son who is like 35 and has the ambition of a snail. Anyway, when I politely declined she became bitchy with me. She hates my guts but that's okay, so if you go in with me, I'll be banned from there and she really has good selection of groceries... and her husband, he's a sweetheart but he might marry us faster than an Elvis priest in a Vegas Chapel." She giggles.

"I wouldn't mind that. I'd marry you in a heartbeat." I smile and her eyes widen.

"Is that a marriage proposal?"

"It can be if you want."

"There's still so much we don't know about each other." She says as she looks down. I can sense the doubt in her voice.

"We've got our whole lives for that." I say as I touch her face with my hand.

She looks up and smiles "that's the first real marriage proposal I've gotten. Most of the time it's just random south asian aunties trying to make a case for their entitled and frankly useless sons." She muses.

"You've been proposed to before?" I feel a rage of jealousy run through me. What the fuck?

"No. Nooo. Not in the way you're thinking. Sorry. Remember when Ros asked me about arranged marriages? Well this is the other side of things; older women are always on the lookout for girls who they think would be ideal for their sons. When I became part of Nita's family and started attending family weddings and celebrations in general, I was always a point of interest. Nita, Alia Khala and Nani would always get those inquiring phone calls "we're interested in Anastasia, we'd love to meet for tea and our son to talk to her blah blah..." it had more to do with the fact that I was this white girl with blue eyes and if their sons were to procreate with me, they'd have blue eyed, almost white grandchildren. It's a residual colonialism thing, they're all obsessed with fair skin and the beauty they associate with it. Of course, Nani and Co. never took these inquiries and meetings seriously but it was definitely tea time entertainment for us." She laughs.

I am in no mood to laugh, as fucking adorable as she is, I'm really close to losing my shit. "How long has this been happening for?" I ask and I realize I sound fucking pissed.

Her eyes soften and she places her hand on my face, her thumb stroking my cheek "it started when I was 15 and then after the accident I was out of sight for a long time and when I resurfaced, I had lost all the weight and the interest grew, but I was also away at college so I wasn't exposed to it as much. It's not a big deal Christian; it's just a cultural thing. Nita would never seriously consider anything like that for me, she's never pressured me to adapt to the south Asian way of life, everything that I've ever done has been of my own volition and with that there are some cons." She smiles. "Don't think too much about it, I don't. Now I have to go and get this stuff, I'll be out in about 10 minutes." She kisses the corner of my mouth and heads out.

Who the fuck are these people? They want what's mine and they've wanted her since she was a fucking minor. HOW IS THIS NORMAL? She's mine, only mine. No one in that family better look at her with that intention or I'll fucking set fire to everything. I need to control myself; I need to get a grip. This is ridiculous. My reaction is ridiculous. It has to be but I can't help myself.

Ana returns after a while and places all the groceries in the back. We ride back to her apartment in relative silence. Ana mostly hums to herself, there's no music, she furiously texts and reads the news telling me little tidbits she finds interesting, I respond the best as I can but my mind is occupied.

Once we're in the apartment, I sit on the bar stool and try to distract myself but taking out all the groceries from the bags for her to put away. She puts the cold items in the fridge and freezer and comes to me. She puts her arms around my neck and looks into my eyes, standing in between my legs and gives me a series of small kisses.

"What's on your mind Mr. Grey? You've been awfully quiet since the proposal conversation."

"I'm fine." My reply is curt.

"No you're not. What bothered you, the fact that I didn't share your enthusiasm about us getting married or the interest of south Asian aunties in me over the years?" She's right on the money.

"A little of the former and a lot of the latter." I respond. My face is tense, I'm trying to rein in my true feelings.

"I see." She removes her hands from neck and places them lightly on my hands that rest on my thighs. "Do you want to punish me?" She's looking down.

Fuck. It's like she sees through me. My dick twitches at the words. Fuck, I want to have my way with her but I can't. She'll run. I need to be careful.

"I don't think you want an answer to that." I say. She looks up and her breathing has changed, there's a fire in her eyes. Oh fuck. Could it be?

"What if I said yes to a little punishment, what would you do?" She asks, I can feel her temperature rise as she traces circles on my hands with her fingers.

I grab her hands and pin them behind her in one swift move as I stand up and it takes her by surprise. "I'd spank you and fuck you right after." I declare. The look on her face tells me she's up for the challenge as she raises an eyebrow.

She tiptoes up with her lips grazing mine "Then spank me and fuck me, Mr. Grey."

Oh god. I might just come in my pants. This can't be true.

"Are you sure Anastasia, there's no going back from this." I look in her eyes, searching for doubt but she looks so sure of her decision.

"I trust that you won't hurt me." She responds. Her words floor me. "I won't hurt you, at least not more than you take." I say truthfully.

"I'm all yours then." She says with a firm resolve. I let go of her hands. "Take off your tights and place your hands on the kitchen counter." She follows through immediately. I pull her hips back and grind my rock hard erection into her. She moans. "QUIET. Not a sound out of you unless you're spoken to. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir." I can sense a smile in her voice. I'm so close. She drives me crazy.

"I'm going to spank you 4 times Anastasia and you will count with me. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir."

I rub my palms over her ass, it's absolutely perfect and soft and it'll soon be pink as her lips. I can see she's drenched and it pleases me to no end. I lift my hand and slap her ass alternating between each cheek and massaging them before hitting her again. She jumps and blurts out "One."

Again, god this feels glorious. "Two."

Again. "Three."

I really let it rip for the last one and she half screams "FOUR."

I unzip myself and position my cock at her opening and slam into her. She gasps and moans. She wants this. I grab her hips and pound into her as she pushes against me to create friction. She is exquisite. I pull her up by her hair so that her head is on my shoulder and I attack her neck with my mouth as my fingers find her clit. It's warm and slick, she's so fucking wet.

"You're mine. Only mine." I growl.

"Only yours." She pants with her eyes closed.

I push into her with a punishing rhythm as she moans loudly, the apartment is filled with the sound of her pleasure, her hands circle around my neck and find my hair. She pulls on to me and it's the best feeling in the world. She's about to come, I feel her tense and I bite her neck as she comes around me, screaming my name. I follow immediately after a few thrusts, groaning loudly. Her body slumps over the kitchen counter as I pull out of her and sit on the barstool. Her breathing is loud and ragged, I pull her to me, her back to my front and she half lays, half stands against me.

"You did amazing baby, God you are a such divine revelation." I say as I kiss her neck, her breathing slowly calming down.

She turns around and places her arms around my neck, leaning into me, her lips hover over mine "Well that was surprisingly fun." She giggles. And I attack her mouth, thanking her and worshipping her.

I break away from the kiss, "Baby, are you sure you're okay?" I don't want her to think I'm a heartless fuck.

"A little sore but that was to be expected." She smiles.

"Do you have amica cream or baby oil or something, I can rub it on you, it'll help."

She thinks for a minute. "I have argan oil, I think."

I carry her to her room and lay her on the bed, she tells me the argan oil is in her bathroom mirror cabinet. I retrieve it and tell her to turn over on her stomach as she lies on the bed. I plant soft kisses over her ass and she wiggles.

"Didn't know you were such a kiss ass, Grey." She says laughing.

"Only your ass Miss Steele. Can't get enough of it." I bite her and she squeals.

I rub my hands over the alabaster pink in front of me, I'm so fucking proud of her. I rub the oil on her cheeks and she takes a deep calming breath. After I'm done, I lie across the bed and flush against her, my face across from her as she lays on her stomach. I kiss her eyes and she cheeks as I play with her hair, she half opens her eyes and smiles.

"You never cease to amaze me Ana. Never in a million years did I think this would happen today or... ever. Not that I was hoping for it to happen... I'm just surprised. Especially after this morning, I'm just grateful I made it out of the playroom alive even."

"We aim to surprise and please Mr. Grey." She giggles. "My pain threshold is pretty high given what I've been through. I'm not entirely opposed to trying new things; I know that this can be fun as long as we take it slow. Besides, you did say variety is the spice of life." She winks at me and by god she knows how to fucking floor me. I kiss her deeply, trying to communicate how grateful I am.

"So tell me, did my reluctance to accept your very casual marriage proposal really sting?"

"A little but I understand that it wasn't the most romantic way to ask you."

"Well, let me assure you, it's not because it wasn't romantic, I'm not into those over the top proposals anyway. I'd be happy even if you asked me in the bathtub but in all honesty we just met and I want to have some fun. I've never been in a relationship and neither have you been in one, at least a normal one. Marriage is serious business and I'd like to be a little young and fun for a while." She says as she turns her body to flush against mine.

"That's fair. It's just that idea of all these random people wanting you that really did it for me. I don't like sharing." I say. I realize I sound like a whiny child.

"Well, just because someone wants me, doesn't mean they'll get me. None of these people had me, not in the way that matters most at least. I could say the very same for you, all these other women want you, have wanted you and 17 of them had you. Yes they'll always be jealousy but I guess it's just a part of life, right? I just have to deal with it and so will you."

"But no one will ever have me the way you do. No one can ever equal you. No one else matters." I say, looking into her eyes trying my best to convey my undeniable truth.

"Damn straight and don't you forget it." She giggles.

I kiss her long and deep. "You're a fucking goddess Ana."

"Not going to argue with that Mr. Grey." She laughs and I kiss her forehead.

We nap for a little bit and then head back to the kitchen to clean up and put away groceries while Ana cooks dinner and takes care of laundry simultaneously. I take out my laptop and decide to work a little at the kitchen counter. Ana comes by every so often and kisses me, any affection from her is so meaningful; I can't believe I've lived without it for so long. The weekends without her seemed like an eternity.

Suddenly her phone rings next to me and I see it's Ros. Why is Ros calling her?

"Baby, Ros is calling you." I tell her as she works on dinner across from me. "Weird. Okay, set it to speaker."

"Hi Ros!" Ana half sings, I fucking love her enthusiasm.

"Hi Ana, Gwen is here too."

"What's up ladies, how's it going?"

"Oh honey it's great, listen are you free next Saturday, I'm having a baby shower and was really hoping you'd come by... also if you could bring some cookies. You can't say no to a pregnant lady."

Ana walks over to where I am with the phone, laughing. "Anything for you Gwen. How many should I bring?" she asks.

"Oh, just a dozen for me, I don't intend to share them with anyone. Who cares about the guests?" Gwen says sarcastically.

"Consider it done. I'll see you next Saturday." Ana smiles.

Ros interjects as Ana agrees. "Ana, may I ask a slightly personal question?"

Ana looks at me puzzled. "Sure Ros, what's up?"

"Well, I'm going to be inviting Christian and I wanted to check in with you, I got the feeling that you may not like him all that much. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable." Ros says carefully.

Ana looks at me and laughs, "It's okay Ros, I just prefer to keep things painfully professional with him. I've seen how he is with women who are extra friendly. I am not interested in that drama." She looks at me and gives me a small kiss and bites my lip.

"I understand, thank you, I wanted to check in with you before I invited him."

"I really appreciate it Ros but you didn't have to ask. You should invite whoever you like, this is a happy occasion in your life, you deserve to have those who mean the most to you at a celebration like this." She smiles, as she runs her hands in my hair, looking into my eyes. How can I keep falling in love with her more and more each day?

Ros hangs up and then immediately calls me.

"Your turn now, set it to speaker Mr. Grey!" she giggles. I chuckle and do as I'm told.

"Christian, are you free to talk?" Ros asks, all serious. "Yes Ros."

"How did last night go?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, after we left, did you talk to Ana?" Ros asks too eagerly.

"I thanked her for her hard work... what else was I supposed to say?"

"You are such a fucking wuss, Grey." I see Ana cover her mouth trying not to make a sounds as she tries to suppress a laugh.

"Fuck off, Ros."

"Shut up... Listen, next Saturday... we're having a baby shower for Gwen, can you come? I know it's not your scene but it's a rite of passage and well, I'll need some like minded backup because I have a feeling Gwen might murder me for and she likes you so you can save me if need be."

"Sure Ros, send me the details and I'll be there."

"I invited Ana too, I figured she hates your guts and it'll be a little entertainment for me to watch her ignore you some more." Ros cackles.

"Ros, if this is your ideal form of entertainment then you really need to get a life." I mock irritation.

"Come on, you like her, it's so obvious. She's HOT, just admit it already. I can put in a good word for you. Since you're such a pussy to talk to her yourself. Trust me, you guys are perfect for each other." Ros teases.

"As I said before, she's a GEH employee Ros, bad idea." I say as I quickly kiss Ana, invading her mouth with my tongue and responds in kind.

"Well, if something happens we can talk to HR about it and it'll be fine. I really think you guys should go out, she's the only woman who could keep you in line... unless you don't have the game to get her to go out with you?" Ros laughs.

"I highly doubt anyone can keep me in line and if I wanted to, I could charm the pants off of her, I'm just choosing not to." I know how arrogant I sound but who gives a fuck.

Ana raises her eyebrow at me and I bite her bottom lip.

"You know what, let's make a bet. My money's on Ana, she'll probably rip you another one at the shower. If you can get her to go on a date with you then you win." Ros challenges.

"Ros, watch it. I never lose. I will win this game and it'll be glorious." I laugh.

"Game on, Grey. See you on Monday."

"Give my best to Gwen, try not to get murdered between now and Monday." I tease.

We hang up and Ana looks at me "Let the games begin Mr. Grey, you should know I'm extremely competitive."

"Oh Miss Steele, I remember from game night but things are different now. Bring it on." I challenge and with that I kiss her roughly and she moans into my mouth, I live for this. I can't wait for next Saturday now. She's not going to know what hit her.

We spend the entire evening talking and while eating dinner she shows me an episode of her favorite show Mozart in the Jungle. It's hilarious and she does over the top impressions the main character telling me how she annoys Kate with them. I tell her I never really watched TV and she vows to turn me into a TV show junkie. Even with all the sadness, she's got so much life and happiness in her and I want to experience every moment of it.

Dinner is amazing. She's such a good cook, even the simplest of things she makes are with such love and they taste wonderful. She made us Cajun flavored chicken with broccoli cooked in white sauce with pasta along with a spinach and goat cheese quiche and it's incredible.

We put the dishes away and she takes out a box of Indian sweets and cuts one piece into half and offers it to me.

"I keep forgetting, what's this one called, we had it at the wedding and last night as well?"

"It's called gulab jamun, it's my favorite. And yes we had it at the Sangeet and last night, I made sure they were served warm in sweet syrup but unfortunately that's not always possible so we'll just have to eat them chilled which is nice too."

I eat the sweet from her hand and lick her fingers. She giggles. "These are really sweet, how do you guys not get a sugar rush from this?"

"I'm used to it, plus I rarely get to eat them. Maybe once a month or whenever I go to see Nani in SF. Most white people can't stand the sweetness." she giggles.

"Miss Steele, you're white!"

"True, but I've been completely transformed, I'm fully south Asian on the inside." She gives me a wink.

"Well, I can't get enough of your sweetness." I kiss her long and deep, she's out of breath once I break this kiss and slap her ass lightly. She jumps and giggles again. I've missed that fucking sound in my life.

We sit back on the couch, Ana snuggles into me, replying to what feels like a dozen unread text messages and emails.

"Well aren't you Miss Popular?" I ask.

She shrugs and flips her hair over her shoulder "What can I say, I'm quite the social butterfly, people starve for my attention." She says smugly and giggles.

"I guess that makes me one lucky son of a bitch to be able to get your undivided attention."

"Yes, you should be grateful." She looks at me all serious and then bursts out laughing. She moves into to kiss me. "You're so special to me Mr. Grey, even when I'm pissed off at you, you're special to me."

"I was special even when you threw me out of your apartment that night?"

"Yes, even then. To be honest, I was kind of surprised I did that." She laughs.

"Why?"

"Well, aside all the other feelings I had at that moment...my usual M.O. when someone yells at me is to cower down, after I so calmly made my demands and you had the audacity to yell at me, I was so mad at you and I was like no one yells at me in my apartment. So I threw you out." She shrugs playfully and laughs.

I have to laugh and give her small kiss and she goes back to answering messages and sending voice recordings on her phone.

"So did Barney have his first date?" I ask.

"First date, bro made it to the 4th date level. He's doing so well, I'm so SO happy for him. You saw his transformation right? WHAT. A. BABE. If Kate wasn't... well, Kate... and with Elliot, I would've totally introduced them but Kate would've eaten the poor thing alive. Emily seems like a really sweet and gentle soul. I'm supposed to meet them for dinner soon." She's so excited and it's infectious.

"Too bad, we can't go on a double date."

"You're into that stuff? I never would've guessed." She muses.

"Well, my girlfriend is keeping me her dirty little secret, so there's not much I can do."

"Does it really bother you that I want to keep this private?" she asks me in a small voice.

"Sometimes, but only because I want to experience normal life with you. I've never done any of that. Our day at Carmel by the sea and when we went to Eloise's was the closest I'd ever gotten and I want more of that. I'm sometimes jealous of your freedom, you can go anywhere and be yourself without worry of being found out and once we announce, that will be stolen from you. I don't want that either." I trace her bottom lip with my thumb.

She looks down. "That's my biggest fear too. Once we do tell the world everyone will come at us. Like even going to watch the movies will be such a hassle. I just want us to walk into a restaurant and eat food and be a normal couple. I want date night you know, like walking around, going to a gallery... but I'm also grateful that we have this. We have the comfort and privacy of our homes to just...be." she gives me a small smile. "Why are we so complicated?" she laughs.

"To make life a little fun otherwise we'd be boring like Kate and Elliot." I tease. She bursts out laughing. "I love you in all our complicatedness Mr. Grey." She leans, her lips just inches away from mine. "Ditto, Miss Steele, ditto." I kiss her and bite her lip.

"4 questions?" I look to her.

She smiles. "Sure, though since we never follow the format we should just called the game... 'Q&A tine'" she laughs.

"I'm fine with that, will do you do the honors?"

She nods. "So tell me Mr. Grey... where did you learn to sing?"

"Nowhere."

"Do you sing often?"

"Only in private, I've played the piano a handful of times in front of the family but that's pretty much it."

"Grace told me you are concert level good."

"I was. Now, I barely play."

"Does it bring you peace when you do?"

"Sometimes it did, most of the time it was just something to help distract me for a bit. "

"I wish I could play an instrument... I don't think I had the concentration for it." She laughs.

"What about singing? Don't you ever get nervous doing that in public? I don't know how you did it at the wedding."

"Oh trust me, I was forced to." She laughs. "I'd never headlined a wedding before. I mean Kiran was maid of honor and hostess at Rania's wedding but that was such an easy gig because Rania had a wedding planner and Kiran wasn't all over the place. She had so much fun. I'm never planning a wedding for anyone ever again." She laughs.

"As for the singing, everyone in Nita's family is so musical, Nani has a voice that can rip you to shreds...it's just... I can't even begin to explain. Kiran and her brother have really good voices with you heard. Nita and Alia Khala too, they all learned how to sing and I grew up hearing them sing. The dancing and singing is just a huge part of the culture, especially at weddings. I was super tone deaf by the way. But after the accident and trying to get my voice back and learning to speak again, I think the constant humming and trying to speak it really conditioned my vocal chords. Some people are born with natural talent and some have to work hard at it. I'm obviously the latter." She smiles wistfully.

"You sing with so much pain sometimes. Like on the first day of the wedding, the Kacey Musgraves song, I have never experienced emotion like that in public and then the next day at the wedding, the speech and the song you sang for Daniel's dedication to Kiran. The emotion of that was unbearable; I wanted to go up to you and hug you all those times. I had never felt that way before. I could never perform like that in public." I say as I feel the strain of my voice.

She looks down at her knotted hands and takes a deep breath. "Those songs were really hard to sing. Kiran really loved the Kacey Musgraves song, which wasn't so bad. I tried really hard not to cry but I was really tired that day and I was feeling a lot emotionally. Then Daniel and I actually really bonded our love for Ingrid Michaelson when we first met, he's such a sensitive soul that way. I wasn't surprised when he picked that song. I couldn't say no to him, I mean they didn't know what the song meant to me and besides... it was a small price to pay for their happiness." She shrugs with a small smile.

"Happy and Sad is like me personified. Since the accident and the rape, anytime I've felt remotely happy I've waited for that downpour of bad luck to rain on me and as for End of the World, that was all Ray. That album came out a few weeks before the accident and I am obsessed with Ingrid Michaelson, like her songs just hit you right where it hurts and it describes all these feelings I sometimes have and as painful as they are it's also like therapy. Sometimes just listening to them and having a cry can makes me feel better, like the grief has escaped me for a bit.

End of the world was my absolute favorite from the album and I listened to it on repeat in the days leading up the accident which if you think about it, was the end of the world for me. As if I had manifested it... Ray was my one constant you know, like oldest bond I had in life. He felt like my bloodline, I'm the only one to carry his name forward. Even though Nita and her family have embraced me, I'm not really one of them. I'm just this girl desperately trying to be worthy of them and their love, anyone's love really because I'm all alone in this world." Tears fall from her eyes.

"You give everyone so much of yourself Ana, how are you not exhausted?" I ask her as I embrace her pulling her face to my chest.

"Oh I'm bone tired but then when I look at the alternative, which is complete emptiness, then it's worth it to be emotionally exhausted all the time." She says quietly as she nestles her face in my neck.

"Did Ray have a good voice?" I ask.

She giggles "Oh god no, he was worse than me. Hold on let me show you. I have a video of him singing happy birthday to me. It was my 16th." She reaches to the coffee table to get her phone and nestles back in my embrace, she goes to her photo stream and clicks on the folder called Dad and quickly scrolls through till she finds the video. It's beautiful; Ana is so young with a tremendous light in her eyes. She's embarrassed, as Ray sings to her and she's right he's not a singer at all but his warmth is all that matters. He sings happy birthday to her in the most over the top way as Ana tries to hide her face from the camera hide behind Nita. Nita takes the camera from him and I see Ray go up to Ana and give her a big kiss on her cheek. "Happy Birthday my beautiful girl of Steele." He says to her as she blows out the candles. It's such a beautiful moment.

"Ignore my fat face, just focus on how beautiful Ray and Nita look." She giggles.

"You were beautiful even then." I say with all the sincerity in the world. "You don't have to say that Christian, I know the reality." Her voice is small.

"I'm being honest. You were like the cutest cherub." I chuckle and she slaps my arm and giggles.

"Show me more videos and pictures of Ray, he means so much to you, I want to get to know him too."

She looks up at me with wonder and smiles. "Here's the album, you can scroll through and see whichever one you like."

I take the phone and start clicking on random images and videos. Each one is more beautiful than the last. I notice she looks a lot like a tomboy in these. She's completely covered in all these pictures, wearing really ill-fitted, loose clothes and I wonder why. There are videos of her fly fishing and falling into the water, laughing out loud, learning how to drive and screaming at Ray to stop screaming at her, pictures of her in a headlock with Ray, holding a gun at the gun range like the bad ass she is. I see a picture of Ray in uniform from his youth. He was a really good-looking man, blonde hair and light blue eyes and he spent his life taking care of this beautiful girl as best he could. I hope to do him justice and keep her happy.

"Oh wait! I have another one I want to show you." She scrolls through her phone again and shows me a picture of her at Harvard standing with Nita. "I can't believe we were in the same room back then."

"Our story is 9 years in the making. If only I had seen you then. I know that if I had looked into your eyes.. it would've made all the difference." I kiss her and she nestles herself in the crook of my neck.

"The world would've kept us apart. Age difference and all, almost like the plot of a Bollywood movie" She giggles and I kiss her forehead.

"Miss Steele, that smart mouth of yours. I've missed it."

We sit in silence for a few minutes and Ana gets up from my embrace and looks to me again. "Is it okay for me to ask about your birth mom?"

I look at her and I really don't want to walk about this but I owe her more details than the fact that she was a crack whore who didn't take care of me.

As I go through this thought process she speaks again "I'm sorry, it's okay if you don't, it's just that I want to know about you too. So may be one day you can tell me more." She places her hand on my cheek and leans in to give me a chaste kiss.

"No baby, it's okay, I have to talk about this stuff with you, I do want you know everything about me even if it's unpleasant to recall."

She gets up and straddles me and gives me a hug and cradles my face in her hands. "I don't want it to be a scary experience, it's okay if you don't want to tell me right now, I really mean that. I just wanted to know about her and what she looked like. As painful as it is, she had to be more than a drug addict." She kisses me "We can talk about it another time." God, she is so fucking patient and gentle with me.

"I do have a picture of her." I take out my phone and scroll through some old emails. I pull up the picture and show it to her, it's a picture of the crack whore from when she was sober, before she had me.

Ana takes the phone and looks closely at it. "She was so beautiful. You have her smile and her intense grey eyes. What was her name?"

I look down and shrug "Her name was Ella. It bothers me to look like her. I wish I didn't. I wish she had the fucking decency to live for me and take care of me the way Grace did."

Ana cradles my face again and looks into my eyes and gives me a small kiss. "Ella is beautiful name. I've always liked it... I know how you feel, I look just like my mother and sometimes and it makes me hate myself because she never really cared for me either and I look like the woman who abandoned her own child to find her version of a happy ending with other men but it is what it is. I still try to love some part of her; even if is the most reductive idea of her being my flesh and blood, that someone out there shares my DNA. We can be angry at our birth mothers and still love them in some way."

I rest my face in her neck and try my best to keep my emotions at bay. I have so much anger in me. I cannot bring myself to have any positive thoughts about her. Ana rocks me and runs her hand through my hair planting kisses all over my face. She knows how to heal me and take care of me. I wish I had known her before, I could've been cured of all this bullshit and living a fuller life.

"Come cuddle with me in bed Mr. Grey, it's late." She tips my head back and gives me a soft kiss. We get up and she leads me to the bed. It's soft and warm and smells of jasmine. We get in bed and lie facing each other, she's bathed in blue light as she strokes my face and kisses me every now and then. She leans into me, resting her forehead on mine and starts to sing the most heartbreaking song. I remember hearing it in the playlist Kate shared with me. It's by her favorite artist.

There's a house, that's not on a hill
And the paint's chipping off
Of the old window sill
There's a tree in the front yard
That's older than me
And older than all of you

There's a smell that the heat makes
It reminds me of Christmas
And birthdays in December

I remember her
I remember her
I remember her so well
I remember her
I remember her
I remember her so well

But things they fade

She would kiss my hand
She would kiss my head
Then she'd fall asleep with me
In my tiny bed
She would sing me lullabies
Gave me my hazel eyes
And then she'd call me beautiful
She made me beautiful

I remember her
I remember her
I remember her so well
I remember her
I remember her
I remember her so well

But things they fade

She looks to me, tears in her eyes and her voice heavy as sings the following lines

Things turn to grey
As much as I try to save them
They turn to grey

Just like the house, that's not on a hill
With all of the rust on the gate
The chips on the sill
But I love it still

She whispers the last line. She quietly cries as I kiss her. I hug her and crush her to me. I have no words to comfort her. I wish I did, I wish I could heal her like she heals me. I am so incapable.

"I don't deserve you, you've given me so much, you heal me in a way I never knew was possible and I can't do anything to take your sadness away, I have just added to it." I apologize as I look into her eyes.

"We're just going through growing pains. That's what Nani said last night when I spoke to her. She said that in order to grow we'll hurt each other, not intentionally of course, it'll just happen. Like, how babies when learning to walk, they fall repeatedly and cry but the more they do it, the stronger they become and the less mistakes they make. Their intuition gets stronger. You give me what I need, love and affection. You make me feel essential and desired. You want to protect me and that makes me feel so cherished. You want to give me the world and make a home with me, what else could a girl want?" She smiles at me, her cheeks glistening with tears.

"We're not mean to take each other's past sadness away, it's impossible, we can just be there for each other and comfort each other when those moments happen. When I tell you about Ray, as gut wrenching as it is for me to talk about him and remember him, I know I'm doing that with someone who really cares about me and even if you can't fully comprehend what I went through or the pain I feel inside from everything, as long as you're here and willing to hold me while I go through that, that's all I need. Feeling your warmth is all I need." She kisses me and I deepen it and I slide on top of her. He hands find my hair and she pulls me to her as we kiss each other, all moans and tongues.

"I need you Christian" she moans and opens her legs. I position myself and enter her, her reactionary moan is like an angelic chorus. She locks her legs over my hips tightly. I push into her more and more till I can feel her get close, I'm right there with as we both come together. It's a loud cathartic release full of intensity.

I rest my head in the crook of her neck as we try to calm our breathing but I realize I want more of her. I'm still inside of her when I raise my head and kiss her again, deeply. She lets me, as small moans escape her. She clings to me for life and let's me take whatever I need from her. I feel myself start to get hard again inside of her. Only she can have this effect on me. Fuck, I need her so much. My body yearns for her.

I pull her on top of me while I'm still inside her, my mouth still on her and she moans appreciatively. She sits up and pulls me up by my t-shirt. She takes off her own and helps me take off mine. Her hair falls over her shoulders, to her front, covering her breasts. I cradle her face as I kiss her, lick her lips and bite her bottom lip. She smiles against me as her hands pulls my hands down to her breasts, signaling me to knead them and I do. I love how she tops from the bottom. I'm all hers, at her mercy and I love it. She increases her speed, her rhythm of circling her hips; it's so fucking hot. I take her breasts in my mouth as she throws her head back and moans my name "oh god yes, Christian, harder, please." I bite down hard and she screams in pleasure "again Christian... fuck... again."

I love that I can make her feel this way, only me. She's mine. I push into her harder as I suck on her breasts. She pulls my head back and kisses me again, biting my bottom lip hard as she giggles and it fucking lights a fire within me. I grab her hair and pull her head back as I lick her neck and latch on to her, sucking her skin. With my free hand I tease her clit and she bucks forward and comes almost immediately and violently, clenching my cock as she screams. The pressure from her tips me over the edge as her orgasm rips through her body. I tense and pour myself into her "Ana, god Ana." Is all I can manage to say.

We both fall to the bed and try to catch her breath.

"So that's what they mean by makeup sex?" Ana giggles while still on top of me. I have to laugh, still trying to return my breathing to normal.

"Every kind of sex is amazing with you baby. I never knew it could be like this." I turn so that we're lying tangled with each other face to face.

"I guess the closer we'll get the more intense and fun it'll be." She looks to me, tracing her finger on my lips.

"In that case, sign me up for a lifetime pass on this ride." I kiss her again and she giggles.


Sunday February, 2nd, 2020

CPOV

I feel Ana climb on top of me and lean down and shower my cheek with light kisses and it makes me smile.

"Wake up sleepyhead" she whispers as she sings.

She smells of roses. I open my eyes and look up. She looks so beautiful, bathed in the warmth of daylight. Hair blown out and swept to the side. She's wearing a mint green dress, her face completely flushed.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"It's a little after 10am"

"I never sleep that late, it's all your fault. How long have you been up for?"

She giggles "I guess I'm wearing you out Mr. Grey. I've been up since 7:30 or so. Went to a Pilates class and then came back and showered."

"Wait, where? Ana please don't ever go without security." I panic slightly.

"Oh god, chill out, it's literally down the block." She rolls her eyes.

"Did you roll your eyes at me?"

"Yep!" She laughs looking defiant. I slap her ass and she squeals.

I turn on to my back and tries to get off to allow me to get up but I grip her hips and sit up. She giggles and kisses me sweetly. "I guess you really are awake now." She grinds suggestively against me. "What can I say, the little fucker and I are addicted to you." I kiss her deeply as she giggles.

"Of course I go from zero sex to being with someone who's the lord of kinky fuckery." She laughs. "Kinky fuckery?" I ask. She giggles again.

"Vanilla with a side of kinky fuckery, I like the sound of that." I smile at her as I kiss her neck. "Vanilla?" She looks at me.

"Yeah, a regular vanilla relationship." I say.

She laughs "well I like vanilla as a flavor, it goes with everything so that works."

"Well, I'm in love with it, it's my favorite flavor now." I say and take my fingers to find her apex and she's sans panties, ready to go.

"Fuck baby, you're always so ready"

"You've turned me into an addict Mr. Grey. Now I need you all the time." She whispers seductively. She lifts herself and takes me all the way, closing her eyes and enjoying every inch of me.

She moves up and down as I kiss her, dancing with her tongue. Can every morning be like this? She puts her hands on my shoulder and pushes me back down and she increases her speed. She looks at me, biting her lip and I want to devour her. I turn and push her down to the bed and climb on top of her and push hard into her. She gasps and enjoys the feeling. I lower my lips to her and she hungrily takes me and invades my mouth and I pound into her. "Christian... please don't stop. " She begs and moans in between thrusts, "Fuck me... yes... Christian... yes, just like that..." I thought I had met my equal in every way but truth is I barely measure up to her.

I feel like an animal as I grunt and slam into her again and again, as hard as I can, getting her closer as I play with clit. "Come for me baby, let me hear you." I beg.

She let's go, tipping her head back, as she half screams and half cries in delight, it's a sight to see and hear. I find my glorious release after a few thrusts and fall on top of her gasping for air.

I lift my head her to look at her. She looks incredibly beautiful, sparkling blue eyes with bruised red lips from our kisses. She's all mine.

"That's quite a good morning Mr. Grey." She looks at me with the cutest smile and giggles.

"I can't help but have a good morning when you're around."

She gives me a quick kiss. "Okay now seriously, wake up, I'm making breakfast." She turns to get up and I stop her. She looks up at me, puzzled, I kiss her long and deep again. I can't get enough of her, it will never be enough. I break the kiss and it takes her a few seconds to open her eyes, she's in a daze and gives me a dreamy smile. I love doing that to her.

Ana makes us greek omlettes with toast with turkey bacon and fried pieces of halloumi cheese along with some Kashmiri tea in addition to coffee. We sit at the counter, legs all tangled as we eat and talk about the upcoming week and our schedules at GEH. It's such a relief to be able to talk about all things with her, she's fully immersed in my life both personally and professionally and I would honestly not have it any other way.

After cleaning up, she heads to the bedroom to change her sheets and does the same for Kate's bed. "You're really like a mom to Kate, you cook for her, shop for her and even do her laundry and clean up her room. I'm a little jealous." She laughs. We both take care of each other in our own ways. She keeps track of my health both physical and mental, which keeps me alive, and I make sure she's fed which keeps her alive. We've got each other's backs. She's the sister I've always wanted. I'd do the same for Mia too." She smiles. Hearing that makes my heart soar.

I try to help her with the beds and laundry but she shoos me away since I'm so useless at anything domestic. I decide to take a shower and by the time I'm done, the beds are made and she's in the kitchen setting out all the ingredients to make cookies for her weekly GEH ritual.

"Can I get cookies this time too?" I ask and realize I sound like a child. She smiles back "Well you have an in with the chef so I can definitely save some for you." She winks.

"I meant, can we cheat and you can make me box of cookies that I can get at GEH. I wanna feel special too." I shrug like a child.

She comes to me and kisses me long and hard. "Dying to tell the world we're together?" she smiles and looks in my eyes.

"Yeah, kinda."

"You sound like a such a lovesick puppy Mr. Grey." She laughs out loud and kisses me again.

"Want to makes things a little fun?" she asks and she has that playful look in her eye.

"What do you have in mind Miss Steele?"

"Well I'm making an extra batch for Ros and Gwen anyway, when I'm heading up to her office to drop to it off, I'll text you and you can make up a reason to go see her. I'll bring both boxes since you would have supposedly replied to the initial announcement email and I'll be 'surprised to see you' since I was going to leave the box of cookies with Andrea to give to you. It'll make the bet a bit more interesting with Ros too."

Oh fuck. I love her so much right now. "You think you'll be able to resist my charms?" I say smugly.

"Mr. Grey, it's like you don't know me at all. You have no idea what's coming for you tomorrow morning." She winks.

I grab her and kiss her roughly. Fuck I love this. It's like playing an elaborate scene. I break away from the kiss and she can barely form a sentence

"I..um... I... was not expecting that." She blinks trying to recover.

"Baby, you have no idea what I'm capable of." I smirk and she giggles.

"You should make yourself comfortable on the couch, working on the barstool doesn't kill your back?" she asks after a while.

"I want to be near you." I say truthfully.

"Well, I'm still in the same space and in your line of sight Mr. Grey." She says with a sweet smile. "I actually have to go to the corner market and get some sugar for the cookies, I'll be right back." She turns to go get her coat and wallet and I stop her.

"No, I'll go. You stay."

She arches her brow and gives me a look.

"Uh, judging by how lost you looked in the supermarket yesterday, I don't think you'd make it out of the place alive." She laughs. "How about we go together? And I'll give you a crash course in the corner market and then in the future when I have late night cravings, I can kick you out to go get me a snack from there." She giggles. I agree, I don't why something simple like that actually excites me.

We walk to the corner store with my arm draped around her neck and it feels so normal. If only it would stop fucking raining.

"I'm so used to walking all the streets with music in my ears. It feels so different walking with you and just listening to the sounds of the city." She muses.

"New discoveries in old places?" I look at her.

"Yeah, I guess so, I really like it." She smiles at me and I kiss her forehead.

"I really like it too, baby."

We get to the corner store and it's a mom and pop shop. They obviously know and adore Ana. She introduces me as her boyfriend and Mr & Mrs. Lioni, the owners, look me up and down and tell me to look after their best customer. I smirk and agree to do just that. She's got a whole army looking out for her. She gets the sugar, vanilla extract and three pints of ice cream, honey salted caramel almond for herself, Karamel sutra for Kate and cookie dough for Mia for their upcoming Tuesday date. She thinks of everything.

We get back to the apartment and she starts to put the ice-cream away. "I'm intrigued by this Karamel Sutra ice-cream." I muse.

She giggles "I know it's hilarious but it tastes amazing. It's caramel ice-cream with hazelnut chocolate with a caramel core. Hold on, you have to try it." She gets a spoon and brings the pint to me. She opens it and gathers a small spoonful for me and holds it out, as I try to take it she puts it in her mouth and giggles. I kiss her and taste in her mouth, she moans, I love having this effect on her. I take the ice cream and put in on the counter, she melts into my arms. I break the kiss and she opens her eyes and giggles again.

"You're right it tastes amazing." I smile at her. "

Stop distracting me, I have a million cookies to make." She goes to put the ice-creams away and I retreat to the couch to look over some work emails as she gets started on the cookies. Pretty soon the whole apartment smells like cookies, it's intoxicating. She hums and sings to herself through out.

"Is it okay if I put on some music?" she asks. "Sure baby, you never have to ask."

"Oh well you were working so I didn't want to be a distraction." She says as she puts another tray of cookies in the oven.

"It's all good baby, feel free to play your music."

"Hey Siri, play the cookie vibes playlist." She says. I have to laugh and she sticks her tongue out at me. She's so fucking adorable. She goes on about doing her thing and getting the cookie dough ready.

A song comes on and I think it's Portuguese but I'm not sure. I see her lightly swaying and humming, singing along here and there and I watch her for a bit.

"What song is this?"

She looks up and listens "oh this is Lisboa Kuya by Sara Taveras, she's Portuguese. Isn't her voice is like caramel? I love it."

She listens to music in all languages and it's all inspiring and captivating.

"Have you ever been to Portugal?" She asks as she puts in the first batch of cookies in the oven.

"Once, I think. During the second year of GEH but it was a quick trip. I didn't really see anything."

She then starts to tell me her plans to visit Portugal one day and proceeds to talk at break neck speed, completely engrossed in what she's doing, she doesn't even notice when I walk towards her... I guess this is what she meant about talking up a storm. It's fucking adorable.

"I really want to go. It's on my Top 5 countries to visit. I mean, yeah I want to go to Lisbon but I really, like REALLY want to go Porto and Lagos and... oh and Sintra... it looks so beautiful in pictures. There's this other city or tiny village I think, it's called Monsanto. They have these houses built in between these rock formations and it all looks like it's just naturally part of the landscape, in fact I should totally talk to Elliot about this too, he'll probably appreciate that, it's very fallingwater like minus the actual falling water... I actually want to visit Azenhas do Mar as well and sit around eating cherries and over looking the water, I think that would be so awesome... just real chill vibes, walking around and... then talk to the locals and hear wha..."

I grab her face and kiss her hard and then release her. It takes her a few seconds to recover.

"Breathe, baby. You were going at the speed of light there."

"Oh..." she giggles and erupts into uncontrollable laughter. "Sorry, I went off the rails."

"It was quite entertaining. I've never seen that side of you. Is this the storm you talk about?" I smirk. I give her a few more kisses as she laughs and then walk back to do some more work. She goes back to focusing all her attention on the cookies.

We barely speak after that, she's in her own zone, singing, baking, replying to texts and sending videos and voice recordings to everyone. She's so completely herself, so authentic in every way. I check the time and it's almost 6pm, she looks at me and asks "you mind if I order in? Sundays are usually order in days for me since I started this cookie situation."

"Sure baby, what do you want to eat?"

"Well, I really want pizza." She says with glee.

"Sure, what kind, I can go get it." I offer.

"No need, I'll just order it. Do you have a preference?" She asks. "Whatever you'd like baby." I reply.

"Okay, so I order from two places, it's a thing, I'll explain later." She picks up her phone and places the order via an app. I tell her to use my credit card and she rolls her eyes and giggles. "It's already done."

I text Taylor and ask him to add Ana to my personal black amex account tomorrow. I don't want her to worry about money or have to spend money. I know for a fact the $1 million still hasn't hit her account. I have half a mind to have my bank create us a joint account but she might murder me. I'll broach the subject with Ros I think and have her do my dirty work to get Ana to accept the money.

I email Caroline Acton and ask her for an appointment for Ana for Wednesday evening, time to be decided. I'll give her details tomorrow morning on the phone.

"Baby, what's your schedule for Wednesday evening?" I ask.

"Um... I'm home. I have a Pilates class at 6:30pm and them I'm here. Will probably hang with Kate. Why what's up?"

I get up and walk to her, trying to figure out how best to say this without her feeling overwhelmed.

"I've been meaning to do this for a while and I want you to know that this comes from a place from love so please don't misunderstand it."

Her eyes widen. "Okay." She says in small voice.

"I made an appointment for you with a personal stylist and shopper. Her name is Caroline Acton."

She looks down and swallows "you want to buy me clothes?"

I hold her face and make her look into my eyes and I see tears are forming.

"Baby, think of it as a gift. I know what you're thinking; none of the subs have ever met her. She would just send random stuff over. You are my girlfriend, I want you to meet her, go there and have your pick of everything. I want to give you everything you want. I don't want you to have to borrow from Kate or rent clothes or wear fucking hand me downs from Kiran ever again. You deserve everything custom for you, one of kind, couture pieces. Only the best for the love of my life."

Tears are falling from her eyes "You don't like what I wear?"

"No, I love what you wear, you look fucking amazing... I just never want you to worry about stuff like this and I want you to stop accepting shit from the Kapadia's. Enough of being in their fucking debt." I feel myself get tense but I quickly work to calm myself but kissing her forehead.

She slowly nods. "Okay, I get that... um... how does Caroline not know about the other women?"

"Well first of all she's signed an NDA and second, as long as her bill was paid in full, she knew not to ask any questions. In fact, Mia and Mom go to her too from time to time. It's not her business to know my shit unless I allow her. She even knows of all the best salons in the city and can book your appointments whenever you need it, in fact take Kate and Mia whenever you want to have a girls date. I want to take care of you and the people you love."

She gives me a small smile "Okay." I kiss her.

"I'm going to bankrupt you Mr. Grey, I have very expensive tastes and I know all of the designers names and their collections by heart." She giggles.

"Oh baby, I can't wait." I kiss her again.

"Can the appointment be at 8pm, I have a pilates class at 6:30pm and I don't want to miss it. I need these classes to keep my hip and lower back pain at bay."

Fuck, she's in pain?

"Wait, does it hurt when we have sex? Baby you need to tell me these things."

"No no, it just helps get me stronger. If I don't do it for a week or two I start to feel the withdrawal, maybe it's psychological but I really look forward to the classes."

"Okay baby, I'll let her know. Would you prefer Thursday evening instead?"

"Actually, that would be perfect." She smiles back.

"Thank you for letting me do this for you." I pick up and kiss her hand.

"Thank you for wanting to take care of me." She kisses my cheek.

The pizza arrives and it indeed is from two different places and wildly different. One is a thick crust grandma pizza from a small pizza place and the other thin crust, extra cheese with hot sauce with chicken pieces from dominos. She tells me that this is their standard pizza order for every Tuesday night. It makes me so happy that I can too experience this part of her life.

"Did I ever tell you that Elliot, Kate, Mia and I were supposed to come to Escala to practice on our dances before the wedding?"

I laugh, "No, wait when was this?"

"Well after we all met in Cabo and became best friends, we had to figure out a way to practice our dances. Mia, Kate and I were always able to meet almost every Tuesday and sometimes on Fridays too but Elliot was working on a huge project and it was difficult for him and then one weekend he finally had a day off and said his brother had a huge apartment and he would ask to use it. But I guess you said no so the plan fell through." She laughs

"Okay, yes now I remember. I said no. I didn't want to deal with the fucking noise and meet more of Elliot and Mia's "friends". God, now I feel like shit. I could've totally met you."

"You're such a snob." She sneers. "You know interestingly enough your name never came up in conversations which is why I never knew it was you until that Friday, well that and also because of the fake last name."

"Mia never told you my first name either?"

"Nope. I had a million things to think of, a standby groomsman was not on my radar to even ask about. Also, Elliot and Mia are blonde and... yeah I just didn't make the connection. It took me a whole 10 seconds to register you when you sat down. My brain just melted in fear. But later on Mia told me after we came back from the wedding that they understood how much you valued your privacy so they never announced freely that they were related to you and used a different name sometimes."

"That sounds about right, it's a security issue."

"Thank God we never came to Escala, I would have died"

I laugh. "Why baby?"

"Um, have you met yourself? I was terrified of you and I was still in my adjustment period of GEH, if I had met you and something went wrong and I lost my job I was going to have a nervous breakdown." She laughs. "I just didn't want trouble."

"You're never any trouble." I kiss her.

"Yeah, you say that now because I've brainwashed you!" She giggles. "No but aside from the anger I just found you intimidating and high handed. Not my vibe. The Christian I met at the wedding was so different, it was like you were two different people."

"I liked who I was when I met you, I'd never known that part of myself, it just felt so natural and I like who I'm becoming with you." I kiss the palm of her hand. "You know, now that I look back, Mia and Elliot yapped on and on about you after their Cabo trip at the following Sunday dinner and I didn't really pay any attention. They just said your names as Ana and Kate, no last names either and when we met at GEH you introduced yourself as Anastasia so I too didn't make the connection till I actually saw Kate in person at the wedding before you walked out. We were so blind and deaf to each other"

"The universe wanted a pure connection for us I guess." She smiles.

"I thank a higher power everyday for it." I give her a small kiss on her lips and she smiles back at me.

"Mia actually invited me over for thanksgiving too. But I declined because I had to wake up super early the next day." She says trying to stop herself from giggling.

"WHAT?"

She hides her face. "Yeah... Imagine if I had shown up, I would've died... Fuck, now that I think about it I could've totally hitched a ride on the jet."

"It would've been fucking amazing that's what it would've been... I would've had you for dessert AND joined the mile high club. Best weekend ever." I smirk.

"GOD, you are such a pervert, Christian. Besides, what makes you think I would've given YOU the time of day."

"I saw how your breathing changed when I held you hand and the color of your cheeks change. You wanted me, admit it."

"Fuck you. I was just nervous."

"Don't try and hide it. You wanted me."

"I was still confused at what I was feeling, the only want I had was to not get fired."

"Deny it all you want."

She rolls her eyes. "Whatever, I seem to remember a certain tongue tied billionaire in the elevator who suggested we were going home together in his LAME attempt to try and talk to me... but you made me laugh and I liked that. Made you seem a little more human to me." She smiles.

"Fuck, I was hoping you'd forgotten about that." I laugh and she leans into kiss me.

"I'm deadly, Grey. I don't forget embarrassing shit people do. I'm like a steel vault of secrets and blackmail and I hit back at the opportune moment." She laughs.

We get up to put away the leftover pizza and Ana's phone beeps.

"That's a ringtone for Kate's message, could you please check it and let me know what she's saying." Ana asks as she writes post its for Kate and Elliot giving them instructions for food should they want to have midnight snack cravings. She always looking out for all of us, making sure we're well fed and comfortable. We're so lucky.

"She just texted Lady Marmalade. ETA 11pm and a hilarious gif of Cardi B." I laugh.

Ana goes into a laughing fit and runs to me, takes the phone and texts back the following "Lady Marmalade x 2" attaching a hilarious gif of a woman fainting in church. I am so confused by girl talk.

Kate immediately responds with "KWEEEN!"

"What does that mean?" I ask, thoroughly confused.

"It's another facet of girl talk. It's her way of telling that Elliot are definitely doing it tonight. That way I sleep with my headphones in and clear the shared space of my existence before she comes home. It's been our 'sock on the door' policy if you will." She laughs. "Except now I get to use it too." She giggles. I shower her face with kisses and tickle her. "STOP CHRISTIAN! I'm gonna pee, stop." She laughs uncontrollably. As her breathing returns to normal and she puts the last of the post it notes on the food and organizes all the cookie boxes with beautiful crimson ribbons on them, she turns to me. "Okay so we essentially have an hour of peace and quiet before the heathens come back." I have to laugh because never did I think my life would be like this.

I go to put away my laptop and Ana follows me into the bedroom to get her clothes ready for tomorrow. She brings connects her phone to the bluetooth speakers in her room. It's her night vibes playlist and most of the music is relaxing. She's changed into an oversized t-shirt, her hair swept to the side and she's concentrating on what to pick out to wear tomorrow. She barely speaks, she just hums and softly sings as she goes about her routine. She's so meticulous about it, gentle and intentional. I love watching her. A song comes on and it might as well be talking about our nights together at the wedding. She sings it softly as she starts to put away her folded laundry. She's completely lost in her task. I close her door and lock it.

I move behind her and hug her, my face resting in her neck and she continues to sway placing her hands on mine that rest on her waist and giggles a bit.

Puts his lips on my neck

Makes me want to give him my body

I be fallin' for you, baby

And I just can't stop

'Cause I never knew, I never knew

You could hold moonlight in your hands

'Til the night I held you

You are my moonlight

Moonlight

I lightly kiss her neck, still swaying. She keeps singing.

Baby, I be fallin'

You're my moonlight

Moonlight

She turns around and puts her arms around my neck and sings the following, smiling and looking into my eyes.

He's so bossy

He makes me dance

Tryna sit in the back of his whip

And just cancel my plans

Sweet like candy

But he's such a man

He knows just what it does

When he's holding me tight

And he calls me "Moonlight" too

I give her a long and deep kiss. She lightly moans into my mouth.

"I love you so much Mr. Grey!" she looks up at me with her eyes twinkling in the blue light.

"I love you just as much and more Miss Steele."


Authors Note: Just wanted to share some happiness given the crazy times we're in. Next chapter won't be drama per se but it will be more heart to heart conversations between Christian and Ana with a really fun exchange at GEH.

Pinterest: www dot pinterest dot com/paleseptember10/50-shades-of-love-and-light/

Music:

I Remember her - Ingrid Michaelson

Lisboa Kuya - Sara Tavares

Moonlight - Ariana Grande.