Chapter thirty: Among angels
Thomas stares at her. Frankly, she's in shock as well. She can't believe she just turned him down like that. She wasn't expecting a proposal this early! Sure, they'd jokingly told all of Birmingham that they were engaged, but had she the least inclination that Thomas was in any way serious about getting married, she would have shot the idea down to fast!
Thomas clears his throat before asking. "Why not, Kate?"
"I'm sorry, I don't mean no, like never. I mean, at least not yet!" Kate stammers as Thomas exhales in relief. "We barely know each other!"
"That's not true Kate." He steps towards her and places his hands on her shoulders "We've seen and talked to each other practically every single day for almost three months. Is there any reason why we wouldn't get married? Don't you love me Kate?"
"Thomas, that has nothing to do with it."
"It has everything to do with it." He says firmly. "Do you love me Kate?"
"For God's sake, Thomas-
"Do you f**king love me or not?!" he demands.
"Yes, I do love you!" Kate shouts at him. "But I won't marry you!"
"Oh, you damn well will!" he shouts back at her as he grabs her around the waist, pulling her tightly against him as he kisses her, firmly. Kate tries to push him away from her, but the rush of multiple emotions washing over her, force her to cling tightly to him. Kate shivers as Thomas cups her face in his hands, working his mouth hard against hers.
Kate held onto him, until he breaks the kiss. "Not…fair." She breathes hard as he pulls her against him.
"Kate," she bites her lip as he lightly kisses her cheek. "I promise, you there is nothing wrong with this."
"I know that, it's just," she bit her lip before blurting out. "God, you just scare me so much some times. It's almost too much at times."
"You haven't had anyone want you as much as me Kate." He says hoarsely, his face inches away from hers. "Marry me."
"No." she shakes her head.
"Come on." he kisses her throat. "You know you want me."
"Stop it!" she says firmly as she places a hand on his chest. She needs him a short distance away from so she can say what's on her mind. "Thomas, I do love you but I can't marry you now."
"Why not?" he demands. "Explain it to me Kate, because you're not making much sense to me right now. If you love me, you should marry me."
"Thomas," she blurts out. "I can't marry you because you're just like my father."
His face hardens at those words. "I am nothing like your father. I would never treat you the way he treated you."
"I'm sorry; I don't mean it in that way." She steps towards him and places a hand on his chest. "You're nothing like him because you're good and honorable. But unfortunately, you and he have the same lifestyle. The illegal activities, the gang activity and the police." She exhales as understanding fills his eyes. "You know how I hate that about him. Why would I marry you when you're currently knee-deep into that lifestyle?"
"I see." He's silent for a moment. "So…you want me to give it up?"
She's silent as she considers his words before shaking her head at him. "I would love for you to do that, but in the long run, it would hurt us more. I can't ask you to change what you are anymore than you'd ask me to change. If I do, you'd no longer be the man I love."
He exhales. "So, where does this leave us?"
"For the moment…nowhere." They both exhale and Kate crosses her arms across her waist. "I'm sorry about this. I really didn't have these thoughts until," she rubs the bridge of her nose. "Campbell started looking for you. And it all came coming back to me. The sleepless nights, father or my brother coming back injured. I hated that." she drops her hand and looks up at him, mentally begging him to understand her. "And I can't imagine you, my future husband, putting me through the same thing." Thomas shakes his head as he pulls her into a hug. "And then, when we have children…I can't stand worrying if you, their father, would be coming home alright. I can't go through it."
"I understand," he assures her. "you don't have to convince me Kate." He exhales raggedly as he pulls her to him. "Its alright." he sighs. "You've given me a lot to think about now."
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's good. You've a right to be worried. I love that you worry about me and I'd wish you worry less, but, I know it's because you care."
"Thank you." she looks up at him. "Let's wait a little bit longer, please?"
"Yes." he nods in agreement. "I don't want that life you described for you either, Kate. I'll take some time and make sure that I can offer a secure and safe future for you and our children."
"Thank you." Kate holds tighter onto him as she kisses his cheek. "I know that things will work themselves out in the future."
"They will. I need you Kate." He says softly, the passion in his voice caused her to tremble.
"And I need you too." Kate says as she wraps her arms around his neck. "But, we can't just jump into a marriage together with these issues still present. Neither of our parents had an extraordinary marriage and I want better for us."
Thomas nods in agreement. "Agreed."
"You've still got business going down this week. Maybe then, things will be a lot clearer." she pulls away from him with a smile. "Ask me again…and maybe," he smiles at her. "I'll give you the answer you want to hear."
"I will." He leans forward and kisses her mouth with a kiss that spoke of a gentle promise. "Believe me, I will."
"Good for you." Kate smiles before stepping away from him. "Our food's probably ice cold now."
"That's alright with me." Kate smiles as he goes to his seat and she sits down in hers. "But this feels good, don't it?" Kate nods as she holds his gaze. "Us. We feel right."
"Yes, we do."
In spite of what should have been an awkward night after her rejection, the conversation between the two of them flowed very well. And Kate loved that, unlike most men, he didn't harbor a grudge, he listened and understood. After dinner, she did the dishes and she lit fire in her living room. Thomas smoked a cigarette, while she rested against his chest holding onto him. They didn't need to say much to each. Kate felt as if she could read his thoughts and emotions, simply through a simple touch.
When Kate yawned, she sat up. "I should go to bed." he nods. "Will the couch be comfortable enough, or should you take the bed?"
"Kate, I slept on mud in France." He looks at her with a slightly amused look. "The couch will be fine."
"Alright." she leans forward and kisses him lightly on the lips. "Goodnight."
"Mmm," he reaches for her cheek as he kisses her twice more. "goodnight."
"Goodnight." Kate stands up, blushing as he holds her hand for a moment. "This is the first time that I don't want to say goodnight and leave."
He grins. "Good. Because there'll come a night," he stands up from the couch. "you won't have to say that to me again." With that, he kisses her deeply. It's in that moment that Kate feels the emotions that have been pulsing through Thomas for days.
Desire.
God, the emotions bubbling up inside of her almost too much. Thomas, however, simply breaks the kiss with a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow." Kate nods as she turns and walks to her room, pausing the doorway to look at him. "I love you."
Thomas nods as he looks at her. "I love you too."
With that, Kate closes the door to her room. After flipping off the lights, she immediately undoes her blouse, desperate to cool down. She feels as if she's on fire! Kate moves to her washbasin and immediately splashes her face with the water. She has no idea what's come over her, but it had better be gone by tomorrow.
Kate looks at the door, contemplating going out for a moment. She shakes her head. She knows with the way she's feeling she'll probably lose her virginity to Thomas Shelby on her own couch. Steeling her resolve, Kate strips down to her underclothes and gets into her bed. She will not break to these emotions.
All night, Kate tosses and turns, desperate for some sleep. It's almost 1:00 before she finally starts to nod off.
It is at that time that Kate hears Thomas let out a yell and there's a loud thud in the other room.
Idcam: I know, I get so disappointed in Kate sometimes, she has a mind of her own! But...Thomas is getting to her now!
