Tis the day for cookie adventures at GEH.


Chapter 31 - Cookie Monsters.

Monday, February 3rd, 2020

APOV

I get done with my morning shower and blow dry my hair from yesterday to give it a little more life after spraying some dry shampoo in it. I finish my makeup and apply my perfume, a towel still wrapped around me. Kate texted me last night saying that Elliot and her were going to have a late morning so I didn't have to worry about making them breakfast. It's a little after 7:00, I go back into my room and Christian is fast asleep. I am tempted to wake him up but he looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I walk over to his side of the bed and kneel down. I run my hand in his hair and wake him up gently.

"Wake up sleepyhead. It's Monday morning." I whisper as I kiss his cheek.

He stirs a little "Do I have to? Can't I just play hooky with my girlfriend?" he croaks and whines.

I can't help but giggle. "You can most definitely play hooky but your girlfriend still has to work for a living and pay those pesky things called bills and loans."

"Just marry me already and you won't have to worry about that primitive shit." He growls and bites my palm. It makes me laugh; he's such a child sometimes.

"I'll marry you when the time is right, till then let me be happy and primitive." I kiss his cheek and work to get up from the floor and go to get dressed. He grabs my hand as he sits up and pulls me to straddle him.

"You'll marry me?" he's wide-awake and excited.

"I said when the time is right, Christian." I laugh.

"When do you think that will be? Can I get an ETA?" he's serious.

"How about we slowly work our way to an announcement that we're a couple, then we can tak baby steps towards marriage?" I say as I trace my thumb over his lips, I so badly want to kiss him but I can't be distracted right now. He hangs his head low like a baby boy who's been denied his favorite toy.

"Christian, look at me." I coax. He looks up. His eyes are dark and his face is tense. Oh boy, some negative feelings are forming.

"Right now we're in the honeymoon phase of our relationship..."

"Honeymoon phase?" he looks confused.

"Yes honeymoon phase, like rainbows and butterflies, it's all new and we're getting to know each other, yes we've had some ups and downs but over all, we're still very new. We're getting to know each other emotionally and sexually and it's exciting but marriage is a completely different beast. It's serious and we can't jump into such a heavy life commitment without having discussed all or most of our issues. There's still so much to learn.

How about we do a couple's session again with Flynn and talk to him about it? If we want to grow stronger then I think we should see him every now and then. It'll be good for us; we will evolve and become a better version of ourselves together. I want that for us, but I want us to take the right steps. I don't even know if you want kids. I mean do you want that? Because I do, I want to be a mother so badly but at the same time I'm not going to make you give that to me and resent me.

I want us to go into something like marriage with open eyes and ears, not just based on intense feelings of love. Love is great but it's not the complete answer to everything. We have to work at it. We need to want the same things from this life." His head is still hanging low but I see the wheels are turning, he's thinking.

"I understand what you're saying. I get it but I guess I'm just an impatient man. I want you completely and I want you to be mine and I want to tell the whole world that we belong to each other and... I want a home with you." He trails off as he looks up to me. I kiss him softly at the corner of his mouth. I love how he can say the most meaningful things with the simplest of words.

"That's a whole lot of wants for Monday morning Mr. Grey." I give him another small kiss.

"I'll set up an appointment with Dr. Flynn, Friday evening work?" he asks. I nod with a smile.

"Miss Steele, I have no idea when I'm going to have my fill of you next so excuse me while I take advantage of you this morning." He pulls my towel down as he bites my lower lip and runs his hands down my body. I take him in as licks my neck and grips my hips while I grind on him.

"Open your eyes and look at me baby." He holds my face and I stare at him as I start to move up and down. "Christian, I..." I throw my head back, I can't... the feeling is too intense.

"No, look at me, baby... please. I want to see your face as you feel me inside of you." I look back at him; his eyes are a stormy grey. Fuck this is intense. After a while, I can't hold it any longer, I close my eyes and feel my body burst into a million stars as I try to not make sound. My head falls forward and I whimper as my body trembles. He's still holding my face and I feel the tears fall from my eyes. It's intense. He kisses me and moans his release into my mouth. He continues to kiss me and I let him, I'm... gone. Once I find my equilibrium again, I open my eyes and he staring at me, still holding my face.

"I love watching you come baby, it's such a sight and sound to behold." he kisses my eyes and my cheeks and moves down to my neck. I can't help but giggle. He raises his face to me "I love you baby, so much. Never doubt that." He whispers against my lips.

I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him deeply. "I won't, I promise. I love you."

We get up and get dressed. I decide to wear a light pink cardigan top with a midi length cream white pencil skirt and silk nude heels from the wedding, I'd wear them forever if I could, they have the cutest bow on them. My outfit looks good, really good. Not the usual GEH uniform but I'm comfortable standing out now. Christian makes me feel confident. I curl my hair a bit to give it some bounce but tie it in a low bun. I decide to forgo my lipstick and throw it in my bag just in case. I ask Christian what he would like for breakfast and he tells me he'll get something at work. I insist on making him something but he kisses my forehead and just asks for coffee in a to go cup. I drink up my tea and eat a left over slice of pizza and he laughs at me.

"What? Cold pizza is amazing!" I tell him.

"You're so weird, Miss Steele." He quips.

"And yet you still love me."

"That I do, Miss Steele, that I most certainly do." he smiles. He takes a bite of the pizza and agrees.

I gather all the cookie boxes into three large tote bags. Sawyer comes up to carry two of them and Christian carries one. I feel so special and cherished. I make two small bags of 3 cookies each for Taylor and Sawyer and they give me their shy smiles. Christian rolls his eyes and I stick my tongue out at him. Before we get into our cars, he gives me a big embarrassing kiss on the lips and I can't help but laugh.

"Let the games begin Mr. Grey." I say before getting into my car.

"Oh Miss Steele, I have a feeling you're going to end up being a sore loser." He winks and I know exactly what he means.

As I sit in the car, my mind goes back to our little spanking adventure and I feel my body temperature rise. My body completely betrays me. I need to work on my game; I cannot let him affect me like this in public. Time to channel that girl of Steele.

I get to GEH and my first stop is at the front desk to give Jimmy and Tom packets of cookies for their morning coffee run. Next I head to the facilities and security department on 3rd to drop off the box of cookies in their break room and greet everyone who's in.

I make my way to 18th and finally get to my desk. People are slowly pouring in and the day is starting. I quickly type out an email and send it to my cookie list subscribers.

"Good Morning fellow GEH'ers,

I trust you all had a fantastic weekend. The sun is finally out today and I have 10 boxes of cookies to start of your week on a high note. The first 10 people to reply to this email will be blessed. Meet me at lunch time on the 5th and be sure to have an interesting tidbit to share from the weekend, either something fun that happened or something new you learned. I can't wait to hear from you all.

As always, please do NOT click "reply all" to this email. Reply to me only. I don't want to get yelled at by IT for clogged inboxes.

P.S. if you have had the good fortune of winning cookies in the past two weeks, please know that you are not eligible for the giveaway for another week. You can only win once every 3 weeks. I want others to have a chance of winning too.

May the odds ever be in your favor.

Ready. Set. Reply.

Best,

Ana."

It's been only 3 minutes and I've already gotten 22 replies. It warms my heart. I suddenly get an idea. I know he wants to go public. I'm going to up the stakes a little. Christian won't know what hit him.

It's almost 10 am and I decide to text him.

CPOV

I read Ana's cookie email and have to smile. She's so fucking adorable. No wonder she has this whole god damn company wrapped around her finger. I try to focus but all I want is to summon her to my office and fuck her senseless. I have to actively keep myself from looking at the chair where she fucked me with her mouth. It's such a wonderful distraction. It was one of the things that kept me going and tortured me for the 6 weeks we were on the outs. I'm so fucking happy we're on our way back to normal.

My phone beeps and it's a text from Ana.

AS: Mr. Grey, when would you like to start?

CG: Ready whenever you are.

AS: I'll be up in another 5 minutes then.

CG: I'll head over to Ros' office.

This is so fucking exciting. She is so fucking playful. I head over to Ros' office and knock on her door.

"Oh hey Christian, come on in. What's up?" She asks, a little distracted by whatever she's reading on her screen.

"I wanted to check in about the Rahman Industries meetings."

"Yeah sure, our first one is tomorrow, they're bringing their team of lawyers and we're going to set this baby in motion. Mrs. Rahman insists to be part of the meetings too, so I have to remind Travis to bring Ana as well. We need a familiar face in there that can make them feel at ease."

I hear Ana's laughter down the hall as she says something to Andrea and then her heels heading towards Ros' office. Game time.

She makes it to the doorway and I look back at her and my jaw drops a little. She's done something to her hair since I last saw her, it's open and swept to the side, it's fucking sexy and she's wearing bright red lipstick, she looks like she did on the wedding intro lunch with the pink blouse. Fuck, she really knows how to play.

"Good morning...Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt." She says as she knocks, holding only one box of cookies. That's odd, she's supposed to have two.

"No, don't be silly Ana, we were just talking about you." Ros gestures her to come in.

"Good morning, Miss Steele." I give her a smirk and look her up and down. She clocks my appreciation but looks unaffected.

"Good morning, Mr. Grey." She says impassively. Fuck she is good.

"Ros, I brought some more cookies for Gwen. I hope she has a good week." She says softly with a loving smile.

"Bless you Ana, I swear as we get closer to the birth date, it's getting more and more difficult to deal with this pregnancy shit. She's super woman but I'm so fucking done." Ros grumbles.

"You guys are almost there, 6 more weeks right?" Ana giggles.

"Yes, 6 long weeks." Ros answers, rubbing her face.

"Miss Steele, I thought I won a box too?" I interject and she looks at me.

"Well Mr. Grey, you did but you replied to the general email, which means you have to pick up your box at lunch time with the other mere mortals." She says deadpan. Fuck, she's changing the rules.

Ros chuckles. "Wait, why does Ros get special treatment?" I ask offended.

"Well, I'm friends with Gwen and Ros and Ros is the most efficient way to get cookies to her. They aren't on any list, just like my friends at front desk, IT or the facilities and security staff."

"But I'm the owner, surely that counts for something?" I smirk.

"I think it will really help company morale if they saw someone of your stature participating at the employee level... you know, taking an keen interest in seeing how the other half lives. Could improve your street cred." She says without smiling but with a raised eyebrow and I can sense the sarcasm in her voice.

Ros laughs. Ana looks at her and finally smiles "Ros, I'll see you on Saturday, I'll get details from Gwen and please let me know I can help out with anything other than cookies." She turns to leave.

"Actually Ana, accounting told me you never accepted the bonus we sent you as a thank you for the Rahman Industries deal." Ana's body languages changes and I can tell she's uncomfortable.

"Ros, you really didn't have to do that. It's really too much." She says in a small voice.

"Ana, just take it. We owe you; you have done so much in just a few short months here. We want to show you how much we value you. We insist. Also, tomorrow is the first meeting we have with the Rahman industries team of lawyers to begin transfer to GEH. Let's meet in the conference room here around 10am. They're coming in at 10:30"

Ana gives a small smile. "Okay, I'll go talk to accounts. Thank you, I really appreciate it and I'll be here for the meeting." She smiles and then and walks out.

Ros looks to me and bursts out laughing. "Christian, she hates your guts." I laugh. "Fuck off Ros, I don't give up that easy. I am going to win this bet and you're going to eat your words."

"She put you in your place, the only thing I'm going to be doing is laughing and eating cookies." Ros laughs again.

"Fuck you." I say grinning as I get up and leave.

"Good luck with the mere mortals at lunch time, I might just come down to see her rip you into pieces." Ros calls out after me as I leave her office. I can't help but laugh.

I walk past Andrea and ask her to follow me into my office.

"Andrea, I need to talk to you about something."

She looks concerned. "Yes sir?"

"I haven't told anyone at GEH besides Travis about this, I'm slowly making my way to tell Ros, HR and PR eventually but since you handle most of my personal affairs, I thought it'd be best to tell you first and I trust you. You've been my assistant for the past 6 years and have survived everything I've thrown at you."

She swallows and quietly nods.

"Miss Steele and I met at her cousins wedding on Thanksgiving weekend. She didn't know I was part of the wedding and well, we've been seeing each other since then and obviously trying to keep it under the radar, she prefers to keep this private more than I do but we are going to be talking to all the necessary departments soon. I just want you to keep a look out for her. Once word gets out, I have a feeling there will be some ill will against her and I need you to keep a check on things and let me know if anything gets out of hand. In addition, I'm going to be enlisting your help to organize certain things for Miss Steele, please make sure Olivia doesn't catch wind of this."

Andrea's face softens and she smiles.

"Sir, may I?"

"Sure, go ahead Andrea."

"Thank you for trusting me. I appreciate it. Miss Steele is wonderful and has such a kind heart, and I'm happy for you both, she's brought such a wonderful energy to this place. I'll be sure to keep a look out and help in anyway I can. I'm honored you chose to share this with me."

I smile. "Thank you Andrea, I'm really happy she's in my life."

Andrea smiles again. "Please let me know what you'd like to organize for Miss Steele."

"I ask Taylor to have her added to my personal black amex account, check in with him if he hasn't been able to, please take over and have that done. In addition, call Caroline Acton and transfer the call to me."

"Consider it done. Thank you sir." She gets up and walks out. I feel a sense of relief. I've got two people on my team here and now 3 more to go. Slowly, but surely. A couple of minutes later, Andrea tells me she has Caroline on the phone.

"Mr. Grey, long time, no speak. How can I help? The usual capsule collection to be sent to Escala?"

"Good morning, Caroline. No, things will be different this time. I need an appointment for my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele, for Thursday evening say around 6:30. She'll need a combination of formal wear, work wear and lingerie. She's got impeccable style and I'm sure you'll both hit it off. I know you have an in with all the major salons in the city, so please help her out with any of that stuff should she ever need it. However, please make sure Esclava is not on your list of recommended salons for her."

"Understood Mr. Grey, I'll take care of everything and look forward to meeting her." She says with enthusiasm.

"Thank you Caroline and please make sure to not mention any prices or the bill to her."

"Noted. We'll make sure to take good care of her. Thank you for your continued business, Mr. Grey, I appreciate it."

"Thank you, Caroline. Have a good week."

I take a few more calls and 2 meetings and realize it's half way into lunch hour. Fuck I need to go down to 5th to get cookies. Dare I say I'm a little nervous? She's bringing them game down to her turf. She's so clever.

I tell Andrea I'll be back in 30 minutes and head down to 5th. The elevators open, I walk into the atrium where people are eating and conversing and relaxing . I look around and see a group of people huddled around Ana. Of course, she's Miss Popular and everyone just gravitates towards her. She has her back to me, I hear her laughing and gives a high five to one of the men across from her on the table. As I walk towards her, I feel the room stop what they're doing and turn their eyes on me. They've never seen me here, the men fear me and women melt in front of me. As I get closer to her table, everyone's expression changes and one of the women, she looks familiar, this must be her friend Val, communicates with her eyes trying to tell Ana that I'm standing behind her. It becomes deathly silent around her.

"Miss Steele." I call out to her.

She slowly gets up and spins around, all serious faced. "Mr. Grey, nice of you to join us. I almost gave your cookies away, didn't think you were interested in them."

"I had a meeting that ran over, but I'm here now." I smile. Everyone is literally looking at us. Like we're animals about to attack each other in the wild.

"I see. So, care to share anything interesting you learned or did this weekend?" She has a fire in her eyes, face completely neutral. Fuck, she is good.

"Well, I learned this morning that cold pizza tastes amazing." I tell her as I give her my panty-dropping smile.

She arches an eyebrow and cocks her head to one side "You mean to tell me you were today years old when you learned the universal fact?" She's making fun of me, and everyone around her gasps at her audacity.

"I'm in the midst of discovering a whole new world Miss Steele." I smirk.

"Well I'm glad you're learning the ways of us mere mortals." She sneers and I can't help but chuckle. "Here are your cookies. I hope you enjoy them." She says with a small smile.

"Oh, I fully intend to Miss Steele. I've heard so much about them." I smile back.

"Have a good day Mr. Grey." She slightly nods and turns around to say goodbye to her colleagues and walks around me to go across to another table. I quickly turn around to exit the atrium completely and everyone watches me as I leave, I can feel a million eyes on me. As I hear a series of gasps at our exchange.

Well played, Miss Steele, well played. A part of me wants to spank the fuck out of her the other wants to worship her. She's exhilarating.

I get to the elevator and take out my phone to text her.

CG: Well, well Miss Steele, that was quite a show.

AS: You're dealing with a professional Mr. Grey. I warned you.

CG: I don't know whether to spank the fuck out of you or worship at your feet.

AS: I wouldn't mind the former followed by the latter.

CG: You're driving me crazy.

AS: Oh this is just the beginning Mr. Grey. I love you.

CG: I love you, baby.

I'm one lucky son of a bitch.

The rest of the day drones on. Ros comes into my office for a quick 5 mins. "Heard you got schooled at lunch time." She teases.

"How the fuck do you get your information Ros?" I feign irritation.

"Heard it through the grapevine, plus women and gays spread information way faster than the Internet. You have no idea." Ros laughs.

"Yeah well, it isn't over. Our bet was for Saturday and I will win."

"Yeah, sure you will." She rolls her eyes. "Listen I'm going to take two cookies from your box. I couldn't resist eating some from mine and Gwen will kill me if she doesn't get all 12. Thanks Christian, just think of it as saving a marriage." She takes 2 cookies from my box and walks out. Only Ana can bring this level of fun and warmth into my life.

APOV

I walk around Christian and make my way towards where Jose is sitting. His jaw is on the floor and his eyes are about to fall out.

Just as I'm about to sit down, Val runs over and Jose stands up and drags me out of the atrium with Val following us again. He takes us into the fire stairwell and the Spanish Inquisition begins.

"WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK WAS THAT?" Jose is almost crying.

"What do you mean?"

"THAT. HIM. HERE. TALKING TO YOU. THAT NEVER HAPPENS STEELE."

"Why are you treating this like it's the end of the world?"

"End of the world? Bitch, more like... he's about to rock your word. He's INTO you."

I roll my eyes. "Jose, he's the owner of this place. He is not into me, he probably just making a little effort to appear normal after I spoke with him about the employee satisfaction stuff with HR. Also, him rocking my world would be a MAJOR HR VIOLATION."

"Well, there's definitely one employee he's looking to satisfy." Val smirks.

Jose high fives Val. "Solid one, V."

"You guys are CRAZY." I chide them.

Don't smile. DON"T YOU DARE SMILE ANA. Don't let them win. GIRL OF STEELE. Think about oil spills, Ana. Rats in the NYC Subway.

"I need to talk to Ros about this." Jose starts to take his phone out.

Maybe I should try and test the waters with this. See what they really think.

"Ros thinks I don't like him and I told her that I am strictly professional with him because well, you saw what he did to Angela when she tried to be overly friendly for no fucking reason."

"Bish, that was different. Grey, just came down to the motherfucking atrium to pick up COOKIES. FROM YOU. HE WANTS TO BE YOUR COOKIE MONSTER BABY." Jose cackles like a witch.

I roll my eyes. I can't even ask them hypothetically what they think would happen if I considered going out with Christian. I need to talk to him tonight. I don't want to lie anymore. I'm tired of keeping secrets from my friends. I want to breathe easy again and I want to include them in my life fully.

We walk out of the fire stairwell and make our way back to the atrium. Val goes to talk to a few of her friends form HR and I ask Jose to accompany me to the Health Bar down the street to pick up a juice before our lunch break is over.

We walk down the block, it's freezing but I don't mind. My racing thoughts are distraction enough.

"Hey listen, don't think too much about it. We were just joking." He clocks my worried expression.

I laugh. "I know... that's not what's on my mind."

"You've been really out of it for the past two weeks, is everything okay?" He goes from playful to serious and I've rarely seen this side of him unless we're actually working on something for GEH.

"Jose, can I ask you a question. I want you to be brutally honest with me."

"Have I ever lied to you?"

I have to laugh again. "No, you're always painfully direct, as I endeavor to be with you."

"Shoot."

"If someone who you considered a friend came to you with NDA and asked you to sign it for valid reasons... would you be offended? Would you feel like they thought you weren't trustworthy?"

"No. I'm a lawyer, we live and breathe NDAs and if my friend wanted me to sign one I'd fucking do it for their piece of mind and honestly my own cause if shit got leaked, I know I'm protected cause this brain up here is fort motherfucking knox."

I give my juice order and we wait by the windows of the café.

"Jose, I've been dying to tell you some things but unfortunately, I belong to a family that requires me to sign an NDA and for the longest time, I haven't been able to have real close friendships except for my friend Kate, because I was always afraid that making them sign an NDA would complicate things... I never wanted to put that level of pressure on someone you know... and there's a bunch of really fucked up shit I've gone through that I don't can't risk people knowing. I'm just scared. You've been such a good friend to me and you've been my rock here and you've shared personal things with me... I want to reciprocate but..."

He looks to me wide-eyed. "Ana, send me your NDA and I will sign it."

"Please don't be mad at me." I say with a strained voice.

"You may be an asexual freak but I could never be mad at you. I get it, life is complicated and messy and if this will make you feel safe then what kind of a friend would I be to deny that?"

"Thanks Jose, this means so much to me." I go to pick up my juice order and walk back to him.

"I'm not going to hug you though... I don't want to risk getting any asexual vibes rubbed on to me or be seen with you holding that fucking piece of shit drink."

"At least try it Jose, it's good for you. Look, it may look purple but it has apples, lemons, orange juice and beets. It tastes like apples and orange juice, I swear."

"Get the shit away from me before I shove you into oncoming traffic."

I can't help but laugh. Scandalized Jose is my favorite.

I get back to my desk and text Christian.

AS: Mr. Grey.

CG: Miss Steele.

AS: I was wondering if you'd be available for a phone date this evening. Have some stuff on my mind and wanted to get your take on it.

CG: Is clothing optional for this phone date? How about an in person date? I think that will be even more fun.

AS: You perv. I'm serious.

CG: I'm serious too.

AS: You're insane. You'd be willing to stay the night again? I'd really like that.

CG: Of course baby, I'll have Gail pack us dinner and will bring it to your apartment.

AS: THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. Haha. I'll be home by 7:45pm at the latest. I have a Pilates class that ends at 7:30.

CG: See you soon, baby.

...

CPOV

After two rounds of shower sex and dinner, Ana and I settle on the couch with a glass of wine while she sips on her tea.

"Why tea?" I ask.

"I was never into coffee and then when Nita came into our little family, she always drank chai which I love but she also loved this orange mint tea and it became sort of a tradition with us. We'd drink tea and talk about everything. I have a similar tradition with Nani. I drink chai with her and we eat oranges in the sun whenever we can." She smiles.

"I find it fascinating that you have all these very unique traditions with everyone you know."

"Well yeah, I mean, it's like having a secret handshake and it bonds us. When it's warmer, I'll make you chai and we'll eat oranges in the sun and gossip about everyone we know and you can tell me how you like it." She laughs and I lean in to kiss her.

"I can't wait, baby."

"Did you have any traditions like that growing up, something only shared with Mia or Elliot or your Mom and Dad?"

"Now that I think about it, Mia would always sneak up milk and oreos to my room when I was grounded which was all the fucking time and then she'd talk for... forever but I had the Oreos to help numb the pain of her incessant yapping."

"I bet you loved it." She giggles.

"Yeah, I did but don't tell her that. I'll never be able to get rid of her then."

"What about Elliot?"

"We'd sneak into the liquor cabinet and raid the pantry." I smirk.

"Why am I not surprised?" she laughs.

"With Dad it was the secret trips to Eloise. With mom... well, this was when I first came to live with them. I would have nightmares and wake up screaming. I wouldn't let Grace comfort me, I was... too scared. So She'd just hold her hand out for me to take and we'd walk down to the piano and she'd play for me..."

She leans in and kisses my cheek. "Is that why you are so fond of the piano?"

"Yeah I guess."

"It's beautiful."

I give her a small smile and pull her legs into my lap and run my hands over them

"So tell me, what's on your mind baby?"

She takes a deep breath. "Lot's of things..." she trails off and takes a few moments. "I went to go buy some fresh juice with Jose during lunch after I gave you the cookies and I broached the subject of an NDA with him. I asked him how would he feel if a friend made him sign one and whether or not he'd be offended that the friend thought he was untrustworthy... he said he was a lawyer and that he lived and breathed NDAs and he understood that life is sometimes complicated and messy and if it made me feel safe then who was he to deny me that."

"That's a solid answer."

"I know... I just... I've realized that I've had all these friendships where I've kept people at arms length. Aside from Kate, I haven't really had friends... I mean real close friendships. I hated making people sign shit because I didn't want to be looked at differently. Kate is moving on in her life now and I can't always rely on her you know... not that I'm looking to replace her, I just mean... I want my life to grow. I want to be able to invite friends over to my place and cook for them and be my real self with them. Not just this compartmentalized version... I don't know... I feel like I've been lying and I feel like an asshole. People tell me these really personal things about themselves and I... I... as much as I love my family, I need to have friends. " She tips her head back and rests it on the sofa looking up. "I don't know what I'm fucking trying to say..." She covers her face and tries to breathe.

"Baby, look at me."

She takes another deep breath and turns her head towards me but doesn't look me in the eye.

"How about we break everything down?"

She starts to giggle and falls into a laughing fit and it's contagious. "You sound like Flynn." She then goes to do an impression of him repeating what I said.

"Yeah, he does tend to say that."

"I really like him, he's the only therapist that's makes me laugh and he gets it. The British accent also helps I think." She laughs again "My therapists in Portland were absolute shit... that's why I never went to therapy."

"Yeah Flynn is good. Don't tell him that. He has and ego the size of Texas."

"He should, he's good at what he does." She giggles.

"How about we lie in bed and you tell me whatever is on your mind. Start from anywhere..."

She nods and we go to her bed and climb in.

"You want to tell Jose about us?" I start.

"Eventually... thought he will lose his shit when I do." She giggles. "He actually lost his shit during lunch... oh god... he literally dragged me across the atrium after you left and interrogated me in the fire stairwell and oh god... he said the most ridiculous thing..." She falls into a laughing fit, almost howling. "he said... Grey came down to the atrium to get cookies from you... he wants to be your cookie monster baby."

I can't help but laugh and kiss her forehead. "Yeah, he's definitely got a point there."

"I can't believe I did that though... I think everyone lost their minds." She says trying to calm her breathing.

"Yeah, it was fucking hilarious, your little show made the rounds at GEH for sure. Ros thoroughly enjoyed how you ripped me to shreds in front of the entire lunch crowd." she bursts out laughing again. She's delirious now. I can tell it's because she's tired but still I'm glad she's laughing. She snorts and then laughs again. There's something on her mind but she's trying to fight it. I really want to know what's going on in that brain of hers but I don't want to push her either.

"I was really good wasn't I?" she says smugly, "Even that 1000 mega watt smile you tried to lay on me didn't work."

I laugh again, fuck I really love this woman, and she's so out of my league. "Yeah I noticed, I couldn't believe you were able to resist me, I'm offended." She kisses me, invading my mouth.

"I can't resist you in private but in public, I can channel my inner Steele and it can get me through most things. Ray and Nani taught me all that." She giggles.

"Well Miss Steele, Saturday will be a whole different ball game. You will most definitely lose. I guarantee it," I declare.

"Careful Mr. Grey, if I can resist you at work, a baby shower is literally child's play for me." Her tone is full of sass.

She looks up with those beautiful innocent blue eyes "Sorry about changing up everything on you last minute, I just thought that if we met in public like that and people saw us interact it would make the eventual announcement not such a shock." She really is brilliant.

"No baby, I had so much fun, I love when I can get to see these different sides of you. And I think that was a brilliant play you made."

"Ray gave me the gift of foresight, I still get things wrong sometimes, but usually I can make the situation work to my advantage." She says with pride.

"I think I should retire and let you run GEH with Ros." I laugh

"No thanks, GEH is your baby, you take care of it." she giggles.

"By the way, I told Andrea about us today. She handles a lot of my personal affairs and I figured it was good to have her in my corner before we eventually tell Ros, Catherine and Caleb from PR."

She covers her face. "Oh god, Andrea knows, does that mean Olivia knows?" She's freaking out.

"No Olivia doesn't know and Andrea will keep it that way. She said she was really happy for us and she'll keep an eye out for you. She adores you."

"I feel so awkward now." She says, looking down.

"Don't be baby, Andrea can help with anything when I'm not available, she will take care of you."

"Thank you, Christian, for loving me and always thinking of me." She says as her voice cracks.

"It's all I ever want to do baby." I kiss her forehead and she moves in closer and puts her head on my chest and I tense momentarily tense. She immediately moves away.

"I... I.. I'm sorry, I forgot." She says and I hear the fear in her voice.

"It's okay baby... you didn't hurt me... I just need to get used to it... " I try to pull her close again.

She gives a small smile. "No, it's okay. You don't have to." She turns away and I pull her back to my chest and kiss her neck.

"I'm sorry." She says in a small voice.

"You didn't hurt me, Ana. Don't worry." I kiss her cheek and she nods.

"I spoke to accounts today and the money got transferred into mine." She tells me.

"Good, otherwise I was going to open you a new account in my bank and just have it done."

"You wouldn't dare, Grey."

"You have no idea what I'm capable of Miss Steele."

She giggles. "Control freak... this feels really weird, Christian."

"I know... but we slowly have to tell people closest to us at work anyway."

"Yeah, I know. God, Jose and Val will bury me alive and Ros will oversee the burial in full COO mode." She muses and I can't help but laugh.

"Ros is really going to be pissed but I'll let you handle her."

"Fuck you. Leaving me to do all the dirty work."

I shrug. "They all love you more than me anyway, might as well have you do damage control."

"Ass." She giggles.

"Andrea is going to reach out to you this week. I added you to my black amex account so she'll have your card by Thursday if not earlier."

She looks at me stunned. "Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Why are you adding me to your credit card. I don't need another credit card."

"Because I don't want you to spend money and worry about bills. I want to take care of you Ana." I say as sincerely as I can.

She immediately gets up from the bed and walks to her chest of drawers and opens one and takes something out.

She walks back with a wallet and starts to lay out 6 black amex cards. WHAT THE FUCK?

She starts to point to each and says a name "Nani. Nita. Uncle Rish. Kiran. Rania. Karan and that asshole also sends me his card but I always throw it in the trash."

I'm dumbfounded.

"I also have two joint accounts; one with Nani that has $10 million in it and one account with Nita that has $4 million in it. But I have never touched them in these 4 years. Every year they add money to it and nothing changes on my end. These black amex cards, with the exception of using Nita's black amex card for groceries a handful of times in college because I was desperate... I would immediately pay off as soon as I got my paycheck from the library campus job or hardware store or whatever little gig paid first... I never used anyone else's card. Kiran and Uncle Rish's cards? I only used them for wedding related purchases, like paying the vendors or stationary etc. I even made a whole spreadssheet with all the expenses for them to refer to if they had any questions about what I used the cards for. Any of my trips out to SF or Big Sur, I paid for myself. "

What. The. Hell.

"Ana... why? Nita and Nani have given you that money, why don't you use it?"

"Because it's not mine."

"You mother and grandmother want you to have that money."

"It's not my money and I am not going to spend it."

"You mean to tell me, you'd rather stay in debt than use the money that your family gave you?"

"I'm telling you, I'd rather pay off my debt with my own hard earned money."

It takes me a while to process everything. She looks at me for a bit and then starts to gather the cards and put them back in the wallet, places it on her side table and climbs back into bed.

"Ana."

"Christian."

"Don't be mad at me, baby"

"I'm not mad, Christian, I'm just... I wish you all would stop treating me like this fucking broken china doll, okay. I mean I already feel so fucking broken all the fucking time. I'm so fucking sad all the time. I don't need it to be reinforced and to be reminded that I don't come from money. I know it's coming from a good place but... " she takes a deep breath. "I'm just at a loss of words right now..."

"Ana, I don't want you to worry about anything ever again."

"I know but you have to understand that... that's not how my dad raised me. All these things are just illusions and if I fall in love with the ease of all this then I'll lose myself and...I don't ever want to lose who I am."

"You won't Ana. You have strong foundations. Don't you trust yourself?"

"I don't know. Maybe I should meet Flynn again this week. I've got a lot on my mind and I've been all over the place since the Rahman deal." Tears start to fall from her eyes but she wipes them away. "I just want to go back to before the accident... where I was fearless and had all these fucking plans for my life. I was going to go to Harvard or some other Ivy League on the east coast on a full scholarship, I had the grades and extracurricular activities to match... I was going to travel the world... whatever... fuck this shit. I just want to go to sleep now."

"Look at me baby."

"Christian, I'm fine. I just want to listen to some calming music and go to sleep."

She turns to pick her phone and to set her alarm and clicks play and turns to be and puts her arms around me neck and holds on to me and breathes. I kiss her temple and her cheek and rub her back.

"What's this piece called? It's beautiful."

"It's a small instrumental called Four Elections. I made this 3 song playlist that helps me fall asleep, I usually knock out before the end of the second song... the second one is called Boy 1904 and the third is called when the sky pours down like a fountain by a band called hammock.. They remind me falling asleep in my bed in Montesano. When I was 5, Ray built a skylight in my room because he knew how much I loved looking at the moon and the stars. It was my view pretty much everyday for 12 years."

I hug her tight. "You miss it..."

"Every night. The room with the skylight we had at the resort was the closest I'd ever gotten to having that back in my life." I feel her tears against my neck.

I hold her and kiss her temple, imagining the fearless girl who fell asleep every night while counting the stars and dreaming of all the possibilities the world held for her.

The girl, whose eyes I wished I had looked into all those years ago.


Authors Note: I'm rearranging my already written chapters, I'm not sure what the next one will be about, probably Ana opening up about Carla. We shall see.

Music:

Four Elections - Thomas Newman

Boy 1904 - Jonsi, Alex Somers

When the Sky Pours Down Like A Fountain - Hammock