Chapter ?
a/n: the last two chapters were kind of a mess, both in my head and in this story. I'm also glad to announce I have started the process of rewriting this, I'm close to finishing the first chapter and am gladly to change up some things to make it you and me feel less second hand cringe. I'm hoping to make the rewritten version feel a bit more realistic, honestly I can't wait to get that project rolling, but in the meantime, I'm going to finish this for my loyal fans. :)
IMPORTANT: this is the first time I'm using word for my fanfictions, so please let me know f the formatting is right and if there is something wrong/ different compared to the rest of the chapters layout, :)
Edit: after uploading the chapter I realized I saved it wrong, so I tried searching for the finished chapter EVERYWHERE, but I couldn't find it, luckily somehow it got auto-saved to word or sumtin? So ye if you got a notification from this a bit earlier, that was a mistake haha. Anyways have a good time reading.
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Marinette's mind was still reeling when she got home that evening. She hadn't been able to focus on anything since the young girl had come by the day before.
More than once at work her coworkers had asked about her lack of spirit. She had just been blaming it on all that was happening. By the end of the day Marinette had barely gotten any further with the commission she had been working on, to the dismay of her boss.
Now that she was home she could finally stop pretending to be fine. For a while it had felt like this was actually fine, but she realized it wasn't.
Tikki came flying out of her bag the moment she had closed the door. "Mari, are you okay?" She asked, concern in her big blue eyes.
She shook her head, knowing she wouldn't be able to be dishonest with her kwami. "Could we… Could we go out for a run?" She asks in return, almost pleading.
The little god looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding her tiny head.
Quickly after she had said yes Marinette called on her transformation. She could feel the familiar, yet nostalgic feeling of the suit washing over her. She grumbled a little as she felt her hair settle into the pigtails she used to wear, before pulling the ribbons out. All she wanted was the feeling of the wind through her hair.
Before she could comprehend it she was running across the roofs of her beautiful city. While she was running it started getting darker and darker, as more lights started lighting up Paris. Traffic was bad as ever, but for the first time in a while she didn't mind. She even watched the cars pass from one of the huge billboards aside the biggest highway in Paris.
She didn't know how long she sat there before moving on, swinging and jumping on her way to some of France's famous landmarks. Standing on one of the familiar roofs she could see the huge, lighted structure. For a while she had forgotten how breathtaking it was. She used to go her so much when she was younger for inspiration and fighting villains as Ladybug. Nowadays she never came here, there were too many tourists and too much traffic to be here as a civilian. Even when she visited her parents, who owned a bakery near the Seine, she tented to avoid the most famous places.
After standing there for nearly fifteen minutes, reminiscing her time as Ladybug, she began to become painfully aware of the people gathering around and watching her. She gave a wave to everyone watching, before leaving again.
Sprinting across the rooftops she quickly realized her stamina wasn't as good as it used to be. Gasping as she stopped on a flat building, she noticed she was unable to breathe normally. Tears started moving down her cheeks as she sat down, her back leaning against the concrete wall.
Trying to control her breathing seemed like the hardest task, she could feel her heart beating wildly in her ears. Her breaths came in with shocks, as she tried to hold onto the breaths she could take.
She couldn't grasp onto was happening. Why was her body doing this to her? Why did her chest feel so constrained? She had cried before, but never had she felt this… helpless.
The feeling of being able to breathe became so bad she found herself panicking even more, her whole body was quivering. She could barely suck in a bit of air before the next sobs came over her. She felt so vulnerable. Why couldn't her body listen to her?
Pulling her knees up to her chest she tried talking herself out of it, but all the encouragement she gave herself felt empty. After a couple of minutes her transformation fell away and she could feel the cold Parisian air around her.
"Marinette… ssh ssh ssh… Calm down, breathe for me." Her little friend told her, her little warm little body pressing against her cheek.
Tikki kept talking her through it, helping her ground her breathing. Almost ten minutes later she could feel herself again, her head was spinning a bit with dizziness. The chilly February weather was making her shiver as she sat up on the rooftop.
"You should call someone to pick you up." Tikki said after a while, taking the phone out of her pocket with unexpected strength.
Marinette nodded in agreement and took it from her. Her thumb hovering over her contacts as she contemplated who to call. After a moment she decided to call Nino. She didn't think she'd be able to handle all Alya's questions, nor did she feel emotionally stable enough to call Adrien.
Her phone rang once.
And twice.
And even a third time, before Nino answered. "Hey, what's up?" He asked over the phone.
"Could you, uhm, maybe pick me up?" Marinette replied, a bit unsure.
"Sorry, I can't. I'm working." His voice said over the other end of the line. "I can ask Alya to pick you up. Where are you?"
Marinette hesitated a little. She didn't actually want Alya to pick her up, even though she was her best friend. She didn't think she'd be able to avoid the reporters questionnaire. "I, uhm, I'll send her my location." She gives in, she knew whatever Alya was going to ask was going to be inevitable.
"Alright, I'll let her know." Nino said, before they hung up the phone.
Within five minutes Marinette got a text back telling her her friend was on her way. She headed down a little after, knowing she'd probably had to wait for another while before her friend got there.
Tikki had hid in her pocket as soon as she left the rooftop, leaving Marinette yet again alone to ponder. Maybe she should call Alya off and go home with the public transit back home? She toyed a with the idea for a bit. At one point she even took her phone, before tucking it back in her pocket. Her friend would be here soon, anyways.
Alya arrived shortly after, even though the traffic in Paris was in insufferable. Marinette got in quickly, her friend was looking at her phone for a moment, then she shoved it in Marinette's face.
"Explain, please." Alya said, as Marinette looked at all the notifications the redhead had gotten, a lot were from her infamous ladyblog, the others were calls from people Marinette did not know.
Marinette searched for words as Alya looked at her inquisitively. "I thought it would make me feel a bit better." She tried, her voice already breaking when she hadn't even finished yet. "I thought things were starting to get better, but… but I really don't know."
Alya her gaze softened, falling into a sympathetic frown. "Mari… maybe you should see a therapist, or some other professional." She started, but she quickly saw the hurt in her friend's eyes. " All of this is really hurting you, and that's not okay. We really want to help you, but at the end of the day there's only so much we can do for you." She carefully explained.
Marinette sunk back into her seat, staring at the car that was parked in front of theirs. She had to admit Alya was right, but she just couldn't. she wasn't stable, not even close. "I don't… I can't afford that kind of thing…" She admitted quietly.
She gave Marinette a questioning gaze.
They'd never talked about these kind of things. She knew Alya and Nino did have enough to live comfortable, with Alya's journalism and Nino's music. But she was a seamstress, and that's all there is to it. She didn't make a lot, at least not nearly enough to not worry about being able to do groceries at the end of the month. Barely half a year ago she rarely had to think about it, but ever since Nathanael got addicted to gambling she was getting concerned. Now she was all by herself, living in Paris isn't easy with the salary of a seamstress and debts your ex-husband left for you.
"I don't know if I can keep up with this pace." She added. "I don't know how much longer I'll be able to pay my rent if I live here, but I doubt there's a lot of work for me outside of the big and expensive cities." She could feel the hot tears starting to go down her face as she kept avoiding her best friend's gazes. "I'm… I'm not even sure how I am going to pay for this child…"
Alya took her hand as a sob forced itself from Marinette's throat. "You know you can apply for child benefit, right..?" she tried, she almost felt as overwhelmed as her by this revelation.
"I already did." She confirmed, but it didn't ease her mind. She'd get a little more than a hundredth euros each month, with that and a child she'd still be struggling. "Can you just… please bring me home?" She asked after a moment of silence.
Alya was going to say something back before deciding against it and starting the engine. Most of the drive back was silent. At one point Marinette had turned on the radio to make it more bearable.
As Tikki lay in Marinette's pocket she couldn't help but feel worse for her charge. She realized how much she had missed in those years she'd been dormant. Everything had seemed manageable when she'd awoken, yet now she was starting to understand just how much Marinette was going through.
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Alternative story, aka what was originally going to happen before I decided to make Alya pick up Marinette instead of Nino:
"Could you maybe come pick me up?"
"Yeah, sure, where are you?"
Marinette took a look around her for the first time since she had gotten there. "I'll send you my location." She stated, she couldn't put into words where she was. "I'm kinda… on a rooftop."
Nino went silent for a moment. "Are you able to get down?" He asked after a while.
She nodded her head even though he wasn't able to see her. "Yeah, it's a flat, shouldn't be a problem if the door's open." She confirmed.
"Alright, I'll be there in a bit."
"Thank you, Nino." Marinette said sincerely, before the call ended. She sent him her location and he sent her back his live location.
She sat there for nearly half an hour in silence as Tikki sat on her shoulder. She checked where he was nearly every minute until he was only a couple of blocks away and she started making her way down through the building, before waiting for him on the sidewalk. Her kwami had hidden in her pocket as they waited.
When Nino finally arrived Marinette realized that he had brought Alya with him. She let out the curse under her breath. she quickly got in the car with them.
"I want answers." Her best friend said.
"What kind of answers?" Marinette asked fastening her seat belt as they started to drive again.
"Why were you on that rooftop?" Alya asked. She raised her brow in curiosity.
Marinette stayed silent for a while. She looked out the window sing the Parisian buildings pass by. "I think I had a panic attack." She admitted after thinking about the answer for bit.
The car grew silent. "Are you okay?" Nino asked.
"I don't know." she replied honestly. "Could be better."
