Well… what a week that was.

I feel like I should say more, but I don't really know what else I can say about it! I mean, other than "miracles exist", anyway. After so long at rock bottom, I thought I'd never be able to get out of the dark pit I'd dug myself into… Heh, shows what I know, right? When I think about it, the fact that Marshall came home in the first place still makes me all kinds of dizzy. I was so sure I watched him die right in front of me, and yet…

When I picked him as our fire pup, I chose him for all kinds of reasons. He's brave, he's kind, he's helpful… and he's stubborn. When things look their worst, Marshall never once gives up. I think he'd sooner die for real before throwing in the towel. And you know what? That week just proved it beyond any doubt. I'm so proud of that pup…

I thought my heart was gonna explode in my chest the day after he came home. He'd been through so much, but even then, his first thought was everyone else. We'd all suffered horribly when we lost him. I still feel bad about shutting myself off instead of talking, to tell you the truth… But him coming back home? Him surviving? I'd say that gave us all the power to move on. I probably don't deserve it, but either way, I've been given another chance. I. Will. NOT. Blow it. If the powers that be want to take my pups away again, then they'll have to tear them from my cold, dead arms first.

Its been a month, but I'd say that things are picking back up for us. The rescues have been coming back in. Slowly, but hey, rescues are rescues. And Marshall's been coming along for them like always. And with my Pup Pad fixed, it's like nothing ever happened. Kinda spooky when I think about it… And Humdinger actually made good on that five minute head start thing when his kittens started making a mess of Adventure Bay last week! Trust me, no-one was more shocked than I was!

But what's even better is the fact that we're all probably closer together than ever. I mean, when I heard that Chase and Skye had been driven apart… well, my heart was already in pieces, but that was just setting the pieces on fire… And I felt like it was my fault, too…

But still, those splits healed. We all came back together after Marshall returned. Out of everything that's happened? I'm probably way more grateful for that than anything. I never thought about how much we all rely on each other until Marshall fell in the river. And I really never thought about us all still just being a bunch of kids. But now I realise the two kinda go hand-in-hand. Really makes you think.

But our recovery is still going on. We're all a lot better than we were before, but I guess it's true what they said: We weren't gonna get over something so tragic in a hurry. It took a little while before the pups all had the guts to start playing with each other again like they used to, but even then, the nightmares haven't gone away.

We've tried sleeping in our own beds from time to time, but most nights, I've had at least one of the pups come up to my room in tears from a bad dream. Skye, Marshall, Rocky, heck, even Chase! And I hate to say that I'm no exception. It was kinda embarrassing to go wake Marshall after I had a bad dream, but he told me I was just being silly for being guilty. Heh, I do NOT wanna hear that from him… But a few cuddles was all it took for a good night's sleep. Who'dve thought, right?

So yeah, we're still working on the whole "sleeping in our own beds" thing. And we've all still slept together a few times. But I've gotta say, when Chase said that maybe we expect too much of ourselves? That hit me hard. How many times have we had the chance to cut loose and goof off? Mayor Goodway actually told me the night I totally broke down that I'm still young, and that I'm not gonna have that luxury forever. She really doesn't know how right she is, I swear…

So I've decided that we need a vacation. A couple weeks off in a nice resort oughta do the trick. We'll finally have the chance to not care about rescues for a few days. To be the kids we all really are. And after a lot of looking, I've found the perfect resort by a beach for all six of us. I swear, its got everything! A water park, an amusement park, an arcade, a pool, a disco, karaoke, a buffet… It sounds too good to be true, but the thousands of reviews its got tell all. People taking their kids there and them wanting to go back all the time… It sounds like heaven…

I'm gonna make sure we head out in, oh, maybe a month. I've talked to Mayor Goodway and she was really understanding. But I wanna surprise my pups… so I'm organising a fake rescue for all of them to find pieces of a message I left them! I know they're gonna love it. Both the news AND the resort. But I get the feeling I'm probably gonna drown that day. Those pups are gonna lick my face until I look like I just stepped out of the ocean, I bet. I know them too well. Let these words be the Final Will and Testament of Ryder- wait a minute, the heck am I saying?!

But I still haven't stopped talking to everyone. I call the usual suspects pretty often to talk things out with them. Katie, Mayor Goodway, Jake and Everest, Tracker and Carlos, heck, even Mayor Humdinger's checked in a couple times! Just goes to prove we all have a heart somewhere… But all this talking really helps me feel better. It sure beats wallowing in my own misery…

I wouldn't wish how I felt last month on anyone… I felt like more than a failure. I felt like a horrible, STUPID person who couldn't even keep his pups safe… And I still get that feeling sometimes… Not a day goes by when I don't have that feeling bubbling back up at least a little. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the days when it was just me, Chase and Marshall, and the scariest thing we had to worry about was the huge bags of Brussels sprouts Mr. Porter would give us as rewards for helping him… I… I miss those simpler days.

But it's only because of everyone else that I've been able to push through that. It's because I'm actually talking to everyone about how I feel that I can get rid of those feelings. I only wish I'd done that sooner… Thinking about it, I acted like a serious butt… And even then, people still wanted to help me. They wanted to see me. They wanted to get me through it. I guess it's like Ash said: the worst thing anyone could do is take what they have for granted.

And it feels so good to be back out there. Back with the people of Adventure Bay. Back with my friends. And back with my pups. Taking care of them, feeding them, cleaning them, cheering them up whenever they're sad... I'm one of the luckiest kids in the world. I just wish it didn't take nearly losing one of my pups to realise that… But I've come back a changed kid. I realise now that I'm NOT invincible. I never thought about it before now, but really, I've got fears and weaknesses just like everyone else. And I guess I haven't been taking them as seriously as I should've.

I've always thought about taking care of my pups. But not once did I think about it the other way around. Those pups look out for me as much as I look out for them. I thought I'd lost their trust and respect completely after losing Marshall and then running away again after he came back… But I guess we all care about each other too much for that to happen, huh?

If I really wanna make those pups happy, then it looks like I'm not just gonna have to be there for them all the time, but always let them be there for me, too. Like I said, I've got fears and weaknesses, too. But it's only with everyone else's help that I can push through them. And I let my pups down by shutting myself off when we all needed each other the most.

Well, I've got two words: NO. MORE. There won't be a day that'll pass where I won't be there for them for any reason at all. If they need me, I WILL be there. And I'm never gonna hide away ever again. If they want to take care of me for a change, then I'm not gonna stop them at all. Why? Because that week made me realise something: I'm not just the pups' owner. And they're not just my pets. So what are we to each other? We've all said it before. And it's no less true now…

...a family.


Ladies and gentlemen, THAT! IS! IT! This monster is finally completed!

Now, like Ryder, I would like to say more, but I simply can't find the words. Albeit for a more negative reason. That being, well... I'm burned out. I haven't actually been writing this thing for a few months (thank the heavens for pre-writing), but somehow, I still feel absolutely no will to go on. Even now, as I write this author's note, I'm struggling to find the will to say anything. I suppose it may be a good thing that I'm going dormant.

Though I will say this: you may be wondering about me leaving such enormous plot threads open in the form of Marshall's letter from Ash and the Paw Patrol going on vacation. Well, that's my way of not shutting the door completely. More like leaving it slightly ajar. If I ever return, those will be my jumping-off point. But considering how I feel right now, that's a big "if".

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be this moody. I mean, I just finished a 140K+ word-long story. Shouldn't I be happier? And even then, I've still got the Afterword to come. Which, again, I'll be keeping in reserve until next Saturday. That is, March 21st. Why then? Well... reasons.

I seriously hope you enjoyed the fic at large, as well as this final chapter of Ryder capping everything off. If you did, then please don't hesitate to leave a review or send a favourite my way. And I hope to see in the Afterword. Thanks for listening.