Dearest Readers,

Today was a very rough day for me, but I decided I needed to post this because if I didn't my day would probably only feel that much worse. Huzah! I did it! Oh, and with the Carona Virus my school is being pushed online and I have spring break next week so more free time= more writing time! Yay!

I am so stoked to get all the nice feedback and thank you for all of your support. It helps so very much, and I love updating because of your words. I hope you all continue to like this story, and hope you decide to continue to read!

BTW, I have a new blog, , which basically is super cool so check it out and follow me on social media because why not. Life's too short not to take a look so go do it!

With love,

Ally Layne.

Do Not Go Gentle

Chapter 34: An Attack on the Spirit

It turns out I wasn't as done as I originally thought.

Alma and Finalion met me in the library, and by the look on my face, they immediately knew something was wrong. However, luckily they knew enough about my behavior and control issues to not ask about it.

Instead, I sat there and listened to Finalion give his speech about the sons of Numenor and I found myself drifting away from what he was saying and thought about other things. Like the kiss I had interrupted.

Glorfindel, the strong, handsome, kind warrior that was my dear friend who I thought possibly knew me in ways I didn't know myself… he had been kissing the one person I hated more than Nancy Bobafit.

Alma kept wringing her hands while looking over at me with worried eyes, but I did my best to not meet her questioning glances. I think I'd probably lose it if I had to explain what happened now.

It's amazing how a few days can completely change everything.

I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms helplessly against my chest. I thought the pressure might help ease the ache I felt, but nothing seemed to help. A sigh slid out between my lips.

"Are you even listening, mellon?"

I blinked. "Huh?"

Finalion let out a chuckle. "I think that answers your question, Lady Almarian."

I rubbed a hand down my face. "Shush, Fin. It's not my fault you're boring me to death."

The elf glared back at me. "I was not the one who was speaking for the past ten minutes, Persephone. Perhaps you should start paying better attention when we are trying to help you."

My arms flailed up in the air as I cried, "What is the point of this, anyway? What's the point of any of this History crap? There are so many people out there who need help, and what am I doing? Sitting and daydreaming as you and Alma try to teach me shit I'll never remember?"

Fin didn't seem to care much about the disrespect toward him, but rather he took the insult to his scholarship quite harshly. "History, Persephone, is not shit. You need to understand the basics if you are to hope to understand the world around you when you are cleared for patrol duties and even asked by the councils to embark on journies on other's behalf!"

I threw my head back with a groan. "It's not even like I'll ever get to go out and kill orcs anyway, Fin. Didn't you hear? Glorfindel hasn't deemed me mentally well enough to go on patrol! Patrol! I was on patrol duty when I was twelve! That's nothing!"

He narrowed his eyes. "What do you think that tells you about those in charge of your wellbeing when you were twelve?"

I tilted my head forward to glare at him menacingly. "They cared about me and trusted me. That was enough."

Alma's shoulders slouched in an unladylike manner and she seemed to shrink in her spot as our banter had turned viably serious.

Fin tilted his head. "It does not sound like they cared about you as much as you seem to think if they were willing to place you into such danger at that young of an age."

I grit my teeth and heard the cracking sound ring in my ears at their strain. "They didn't have much of a choice, Fin. Don't act like you know anything about them, or me."

A small smile decorated his features. "Not for a lack of trying on our part, I promise you."

A small cry came out from my lips. "They cared about me. They did. And I let them down."

Fin's lips thinned. "I think they cared about you, but I also think you deserved far better than what you were given, Persephone."

Alma reached across the table and grabbed one of my hands that were gripping the table in an inhuman effort. "You should not have been near death so many times, Persie. It is okay to admit that you are upset to have had the childhood you did."

"But my mom… my dad- they loved me. I know they did. They do."

Fin nodded in understanding. "Just because a person loves another does not mean that they always are able to make the best choices on their behalf. Lady Almarian knows this better than anyone."

I turned my blurred vision to Alma, who wore a look of deep sorrow. "He is not wrong, mellon. But that also does not mean you have to love your parents, your friends, or your mentors any less."

"They tried to protect me-"

"They tried and were unable to succeed. This is why you try so hard to succeed in your relationships with others, is it not? You do not want them to experience the same things you have."

Shit. Finalion had done a far better job psychoanalyzing me than anyone I have ever met in my life. And Apollo had even set me up with one of his children who was a shrink, and they hadn't gotten very far with me.

Apparently it takes an outsider to call me out on things, I guess.

"But Glorfindel doesn't trust me. He doesn't care about me. He was kissing Mirwen and I… I thought…"

"Oh, mellon." Alma left her seat across from me in a flash and enveloped me in her arms.

I let the tears start to fall, and felt cries rack through my chest. I did my best to stay quiet, not wanting to seem like I was having another meltdown. Again.

It only got worse the longer I held it in, and then as Alma's hug strengthened, my sobs started to come out.

"Why does this always happen to me?" I cried, placing my hands on my face in a weak effort to hide my tears. "It's always me who gets burned in the end."

I thought Fin would have been completely freaked out over the fact a female was crying and losing her marbles in front of him, but he remained perfectly calm and poised. He looked at me with a small smile and clasped his hands together patiently.

"You said that Lord Glorfindel was kissing Lady Mirwen? I have a hard time seeing that, as last I have heard from a few acquaintances was that Lord Glorfindel wanted nothing to do with the hag."

My cries came to an odd pause, and I sniffled before asking, "Did you really just call her a hag?"

Fin snorted and rolled his eyes. "Is that not what she is?"

Alma giggled, and her hug jolted along with the rest of her body when doing so, making me remain in this awkward moving embrace that felt oddly like she was jacking me off. I was not quite sure how I was supposed to feel about that.

"I… uh… think I would like to be alone for now," I voiced as soon as Alma was able to calm herself down.

The oddities had helped me calm down as well, and now I just needed some silence and isolation to help gather my thoughts.

Fin looked at me cautiously. "Are you sure?"

I nodded earnestly. "I wouldn't have said anything if I wasn't."

Alma slowly released me from her embrace, and I winced at the sight of a wet-stain that darkened the fabric of her dress that donned her chest. "Sorry, that looks really awkward."

Alma's twinkling laugh echoed again through the library. "There is nothing to be sorry about, I would have changed out of this anyway for dinner."

I nodded and slowly got out of my seat and placed my hands on the back of my chair while looking at my friends. It was impressive how open they were and honest they had been to me, considering I had only been here for nearly a month.

"Thank you, for, uh, you know. Helping me with coping and stuff," I stuttered and moved a hand back to rub my neck. "And Fin, for the record- you don't make such a bad shrink."

The elf blinked. "What is a shrink?"

I felt mischief run through my veins, and my heart started to feel lighter again. "I'll tell you another time. Laters, guys."

I waved at the two and walked out of the library, toward somewhere I knew I would be able to think.

My walk to the Lady of Imladris's Gardens was a short one, and I was pleasantly surprised to note that I was the only one in the small area. I walked over to a bench underneath a large tree and sighed as I sat down in the shade.

I took a few moments to think about what happened last evening with Glorfindel, and thought about what he said to me. He said he cared about me, that he was upset because I left and he didn't know what happened to me- but he still goes and kisses Mirwen the next day?

After thinking it over, there is something wrong with that picture.

Goldilocks is annoying, yes, but I get where his anger and frustration comes from. If it were the other way around, I'd probably be acting the same way. Well, there would probably be a few more tears on my end but it would pretty much be the same.

But then he goes and kisses Mirwen? After everything?

Glorfindel is an elf of honor and people who rely on honor for their purpose in life usually wouldn't throw a friendship or the possibility of something more to the side just for a kiss. Right?

Honestly, I don't know what to think anymore. Everything was changing. I don't know what the Valar are expecting of me, but to have Ulmo try and prepare me wasn't that great of a sign.

And this darkness that people keep talking about? What is it? Some kind of Necromancer that I've heard whispers of? Or is it something worse?

Would could actually be worse than a Necromancer bent on trouble, is the question.

There must be something connected to the dreams I am having. The fact that I keep living the torture over and over again every night could obviously be because of the trauma, but the addition of having this voice in the shadows that keeps talking and referencing things that are current- there has to be some sort of explanation.

I wish Annabeth were here. She'd know what to do.

I ran a hand through the top of my hair with a sigh. She didn't deserve her fate. None of my friends did. For some reason, I keep thinking that it was because of their connection to me that they died.

Why was I the only one who survived?

Thalia and Nico were still alive, but they're a lot like me in that case. Nico is the Ghost King, whereas Thalia is the First Lieutenant of the Huntresses of Artemis. They both are leaders in their own right and have destinies that are far different than my own.

Our paths diverged a long time ago.

Theirs led to success, mine to death and failure.

I still remember Annabeth's death like it was yesterday. It doesn't help that I see it over and over in my nightmares, but losing a best friend that violently isn't something someone can just forget.

I remember Tyson's death like it was only this morning. Losing the only brother I ever truly had, ripped out a piece of my heart and chucked it back into the sea. The look on his face when an ax had launched itself right into his chest was horrifying.

My screams, the blood…

I remember Jason's death. The way his neck was slit.

I remember Piper's death. Her screams when her body was torn to shreds. She never was the same after Jason died, and I was glad they could be reunited again.

Leo's death, the explosion that not only rocked the earth underneath my feet but completely decimated his body. There was only his goggles, burnt to a crisp that was left after the decay of the inferno.

Frank and Hazel went together. It was only natural. They had been fighting back to back and had been completely skewered by a javelin thrown by a giant in their direction.

It was a quick death for them both.

Reyna was killed in the onslaught from the monsters. Her body was found, completely trampled and it looked like it was used as a bloody pin cushion for the number of swords that had been lodged in her chest.

She must have gone down fighting. That would have been the only way she'd be taken from that world, after all.

I remember the loneliness that followed. I was the last of the seven chosen ones alive and had to try and keep two camps together after the fall of their leaders. That was probably what kept me from killing myself in the aftermath. Too many people needed me.

Too many people relied on me, and as soon as they didn't need me anymore, I was once again lost in the crossfire.

I wish I would have died with them. Things would have been so much easier if I had just died.

I wouldn't have had to deal with the aftermath of the Giant War. I wouldn't have had to see my mother's dead body. I wouldn't have had to fight tooth and nail to keep Camp Half-Blood from falling to pieces, and I wouldn't have had to light the funeral pyres of so many of my lost friends.

The number of funerals I had to attend was defeating.

All I could think about was when it was going to be mine, next.

So in reality, coming to Middle Earth is what kept me alive.

And now the darkness must still be following me here.

Will I ever escape?

I could feel silent tears falling from my eyes, leaving stains as they fell and hit the ground.

I blinked.

My skin tingled.

When I looked down, I didn't just see the blots of tears that had fallen, but I saw lingering shadows moving up from the ground and slinking around my legs like a lazy serpent.

I tried to move, and I couldn't.

This must've been a dream, this always happened when I was sleeping. When had I fallen asleep?

I pinched my arm, luckily not having been completely covered to my torso, but I could feel the pain that followed.

I blinked.

I was awake.

I looked around frantically as the shadows continued to rise and slowly started to encompass my form like a black hole. I tried to open my mouth to call for help, hoping that someone's sleek elven ears would be able to hear my distress- but the darkness slid into my mouth and choked my words back into my lungs.

I started to struggle against the force that constricted me.

I was not only being silenced, but it felt like I was being squeezed to death by something I couldn't feel or touch.

My skin started to turn an ashy color, and I knew that something was definitely not right with this.

My breaths started to weaken, as my lungs weren't able to keep up under the pressure of the shadow.

Why did I want to be alone again?

I fought, struggling against the darkness, but defeat was in my midst. I felt the tears in my eyes continue to fall, and sobs wracked my body and depleted the last bits of energy I still had left.

I didn't want to die.

A fearful sob was choked in my throat.

I didn't want to die.

Darkness was all that I could see.

The gardens, once light and plentiful, were completely shrouded in the misty shadows that had suddenly surrounded me.

I was going to die, but I didn't want to die.

How ironic.

"Persie?"

Hope.

"ADA! HELP!"

Arms grabbing me.

"HELP, SOMEONE!"

A flash of gold and a familiar voice became visible in the shadows.

"Nemir, you need to fight this-"

Another voice spoke and silenced the female's shrieking cries.

"Her fae! She is fading-"

"Whatever this is, it is feeding off of her!"

A surge of golden light started to fight off the darkness, inch by inch. But it wasn't enough.

"Nemir. Gwingil, you need to fight! I need your help!"

A female's voice cried out as the golden light started to fade.

"Oh, Eru, please save her!"

"No, no, no… do not give up, do you hear me, Persephone? Do not give up!"

I wanted to reach out to the voice. He seemed so scared. I didn't want him to be scared.

But I was so tired.

It had taken too much.

"Persie?"

Annie.

"I am with you, always."