Whoops, I haven't updated for a while… sorry, my mental health is a struggle with the whole lockdown thing going on in America but I desperately want to update for you guys so here it is, I hope it's readable lol.
Speaking of readable, just so you know this chapter is full of hallucinations so if it's a bit disconcerting then now you know why ;)
Thanks for the support,
Ally Layne.
Do Not Go Gentle
Chapter 35: A Healing Confessional
They say that the end is also the beginning, but the question to truly consider is what makes the beginning an end? Is that what this is? When darkness falls upon the land what does it mean when this all comes to an end?
What does it mean when everything simply seems to exist, falling to ashes, and more ashes, then dust to dust?
Ash to ash; dust to dust.
A few figures came to view. I did not feel the presence of my body, nor my eyes, but for some reason, I still had the ability to see. It was not white nor black, my reality was a dreadful gray that seemed to suck the life out of my soul.
The space of dust and ash between the figures and I took shape, molding and forming into the old apartment that I grew up in, where my mom and Paul lived until their deaths.
They were in their bed.
They were the two figures who I had seen, and my mom was kicking at the man who lay next to her with the bottom of her heels as her back was turned to him. She kept her eyes shut while facing the opposite direction.
Her dark hair was in curly disarray that I had grown fond of playing with as a child, and Paul was twirling a piece of her hair between his fingers aimlessly. It seems as though he had become fond of her loving chaos, too.
His reading glasses were perched upon the end of his nose as he was sitting up against the headboard with a stack of student's papers in his hand. He was using the lamp that sat on the bedside table as a viable light to grade and let out a low hiss as he dropped the papers onto his lap took out a red pen and made some marks on the page.
"Paul," my mom's voice moaned, "go to sleep."
"Just one more paper, darling." He moved the hand twirling her hair to rub her back. "I swear it will not take longer than two minutes."
Another groan. "You said that ten minutes ago."
He peered above his readers to look at the alarm clock on his side table with a wary grin. "Oops."
Her heels sunk into his thighs even harder, making him let out a chuckle.
"Fine, I'll abide by your treacherous need for sleep this night. He used both his hands to cap his red pen and carefully took off his readers before placing the burdens down before shutting off the lamp. "Is this better?"
I saw a smile on her face as she started to hum, and something inside me, whatever I was, clenched at the sound. It had been a long time since I've heard her make that sound, something she used to do every night before bed.
She'd never sing.
She would hum.
Paul moved over to wrap an arm around her waist and lay his hand on her stomach. "Singing for the baby again?"
"Every night, my love." Her nose wrinkled slightly, and she turned her body with open eyes to stare him down. "And it's not singing, I'm humming. We both know I'm an atrocious singer."
Paul grinned. "You are perfect, Sal."
She snorted, and turned around and closed her eyes. She started to hum again.
If I could cry, I probably would have been doing that right now. But I couldn't. Not here, anyway. However, that clenching feeling never ceased.
A large banging sound echoed throughout the room, making my mom and Paul jolt from the noise. My mom's hand immediately went to her belly, and she took in a harsh breath.
Paul looked shocked and I watched as he steeled himself to be the protector he thought he had to be.
"Paul," my mom whispered, grabbing his sleeve in worry. "Do you think someone broke in?"
Her voice was strong, but after spending all of my life being her daughter I could hear the waver in her tone.
"I don't know," Paul whispered back and moved to get out of bed.
"No, no, we need to call the police or… call Persie. What if it's just one of them?"
My stepfather looked over at my mom with a hard exterior. "I'll go check and see, okay? You grab the phone and call the police anyway."
My mom, valiant as ever, immediately reached over to her bedside table and grabbed her phone.
Paul walked to the door.
He never did make it far enough to open the door.
A creature enveloped in shadowy darkness burst through the door and it let out a shrieking sound I had never heard before in my many years of monster slaying. The… thing, whatever it was, went right through Paul, leaving a bloodied mess of tangled limbs behind with the background of my mother's screams.
Then, the darkness went to her.
And everything stopped.
I blinked.
Once. Twice.
Three times.
My mouth opened to gasp for a breath that I didn't have.
"Oh Nemir, you are safe!Praise Illuvatar, you are awake!"
I wasn't in my mom's apartment anymore. I was back in Imladris, where everything was simultaneously going to shit. And where I had been attacked by shadows.
Why wasn't I left behind in a bloodied mess?
"What do you mean, a bloodied mess?"
Oh shit, did I say that aloud?
A melodious chuckle sounded out from her side. "Yes, Nemir, you are speaking out loud for anyone to hear."
Fuuuuuck.
"Perhaps I should grab a healer to make you a sleeping tonic-"
Sleeping meds? Sounds like I'm bout to be drugged. Hugs not drugs, that's the rule, you ninny!
"Ninny?"
Ninny. Nincompoop. Take your pick.
"You need rest, mellon nin."
I scoffed. Things were starting to come back now. The golden hair, the vibrant eyes, the perfect bone structure…
"Perfect bone structure?"
I blinked. I really have got to watch what I say around these stupid elves.
I looked at his face, which was slightly smug. Too smug. I scowled at him."You kissed Mirwen, my arch-nemesis. I am not speaking with you."
I would have crossed my arms and turned away from him too, but I felt like a giant had decided to sit on me. My body was not moving anytime soon.
"Your arch-nemesis? I doubt you have been here long enough to develop that deep of a hatred for her," Glorfindel jested. My scowl deepened. "Apparently I am wrong. But you should know kissing the Lady Mirwen was not of my doing, Nemir."
"You looked pretty involved to me, blondie."
He blinked. "I was slipped an aphrodisiac, something I never thought she would ever do to me."
I rolled my eyes. "Why does something that sounds like Aphrodite have anything to do with this?"
The edges of his lips twitched. "An aphrodisiac makes people essentially feel things like lust or admiration toward someone. I had no intention of kissing her, but I will admit I was an active part of the undertaking. However, I was also not in the right mind."
"Psh. You still did it though."
Glorfindel pursed his lips while looking down at his boots. "I am sincerely sorry for what trouble I have caused you. I never wanted to hurt you, Nemir."
I felt all the pain and sadness seep into my face. "But you still did, Glorfindel. It hurt that you would kiss her after everything…"
He let out a shaky breath and looked up to meet my eyes. "I am so, so sorry, Persephone. If there is anything I can do to prove my worth I will do it without a doubt."
I blinked. This could do. "Without a doubt?"
The Elf nodded sincerely. Something inside of me, no matter how odd I was feeling from all the tonics and potions they must've fed me, told me that I needed to forgive him. I had a small hunch that I was going to need to forgive this warrior not just for his sake- but for mine.
Besides, it was just a kiss. Under an aphrodisiac… whatever it is, anyway. He was drugged and kissed her under that influence.
In any other circumstance, I would have snickered at the thought of Mirwen needing to drug him to get the poor elf to kiss her. But I was too tired, now.
"Okay. Then I forgive you," I mumbled to him, and smiled slightly at the look of elation and joy that crossed over his face. Damn. He really was good looking.
"Persephone, I do not know what to say-"
"Then don't speak," I ordered him, noting the slight slur of my words. He must've noticed my changed speech and drooping eyelids, too, from the knowing smile he wore.
He leaned down to ask, "What would you have me do, Nemir?"
Is it just me, or did his voice just get all husky and sexy-like? Not that he wasn't sexy before, but hot damn-
"Take me-" My words were cut off as I yawned and my eyes started to slide shut and the last words escaped my lips as barely a whisper. "On a… date."
But I knew he heard me even with my eyes closed as I felt lips press delicately against my forehead. "It would be my pleasure."
Blink.
Blink.
"Ada, I think she's awake," a feminine voice spoke. Arwen.
A sleepy smile must've slipped on my face because I heard the faint tinkling of her giggles sound out in the room.
"Yes, yes, hello Persephone. It is nice to finally see you awake," Another voice spoke. Lord Elrond. It was practically a party.
Where was Glorfindel? Hadn't he just been right here?
When I voiced my confusion, the elves exchanged a look that I couldn't decipher. "What?"
"He is on duty right now, mellon nin," Arwen spoke. "You have not been awake since two days ago when he was watching over you."
I blinked.
Two days? How about two seconds?
"He was been watching over you whenever he is not tied over with his duties, Persephone," Elrond told me. There was a gleam in his eye as he said this that told me that the twins' mischief certainly came from him.
"Oh," I voiced.
Arwen smiled happily. "I am so pleased to see you awake, you do not know how worried I was when I saw you being… attacked by those shadows."
I sucked in a heavy breath. "So my mind wasn't just making that up?"
She shook her head, glancing down at the hands clasped in her lap. "If Lord Glorfindel was not already walking by to head to the training grounds then I do not know what would have become of you."
"Glorfindel?"
When Arwen's carefully practiced face wasn't giving me any information, I turned to look at Lord Elrond, who wasn't much better. "Lord Glorfindel was the one who saved you, Persephone," he informed me.
Oh.
Oh.
"Nemir, you need to fight this!"
"Whatever this is, it is feeding off of her!"
"Nemir. Gwingil, you need to fight! I need your help!"
"No, no, no… do not give up, do you hear me, Persephone? Do not give up!"
He was the golden light.
"Why?" My voice croaked out.
A small smile, full of wisdom and knowledge, fell onto Elrond's lips. "Why would he not?"
Because I'm not worth that power? I don't know. I might not be completely happy with him now, but I am still nowhere near his league…
I let out a sigh.
I was tired again.
But I had to tell them. My mom and Paul's murder flashed once again in my mind, and I felt the stinging of tears in my eyes. I had to warn them.
"I saw it," I spoke, my voice waning from use.
Arwen fussed over my exhaustion, but Elrond placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her. "What did you see, child?"
"Darkness."
They shared another look, and I saw fear etched on Arwen's face. She had seen it. She saw what it could do-
"When?"
"It killed my mom," I sobbed, as my eyes started to droop again from the energy wasted from my sorrows. "It wants me dead."
It was dark again.
I opened my eyes slowly, wearily.
Arwen and Elrond were no longer there, but a golden-haired warrior sat next to me, reading a book while holding one of my hands.
Varis was leaning against Alma's shoulder on my other side. Their eyes were closed.
I wondered how long had passed since I was last awake.
My eyes slipped closed again as I gathered the strength, which was surprisingly not that hard to do, and squeezed Glorfindel's hand. I opened my eyes to see his reaction.
His own blue eyes were looking at me in awe, in a way that usually would be beheld on something of remarkable beauty and pleasure. But he was looking at me. Me.
"You are awake."
I rolled my eyes. "No, I'm still asleep."
"Persie!"
Two arms wrapped around me in a tight squeeze, and I placed my own around her with a smile. "Nice to see you too, Alma."
Varis was smiling at me from over the elleth's shoulder she had just been leaning on. A small hand went through her tousled red hair. "You need to stop scaring everyone, you idiot."
Alma let go of me to throw the dwarrowdam a look of scorn. "She just woke up, be nice."
I laughed. "Varis is fine, Alma. She's more of an idiot than I am, anyway."
"I do not know if I would go that far, Nemir."
Alma turned her scorn over at the elf that sat across from her as it deepened into a scowl. "You can say nothing, Lord Glorfindel. I do not know why you are here in the first place."
I blinked.
She must've not gotten the memo.
"Mirwen slipped him an Aphro-whatever and basically drugged him to be all turned on and kissed him when his body wouldn't say no. I know all about doing things you cannot control, so I forgive him. Kind of."
Her eyes narrowed at the Golden Warrior, who must've looked pretty sheepish at that point. "An aphrodisiac," he explained.
"Alma, it's fine," I told my dear friend. "We're all good now."
Alma, my brave amiga, stared down the powerful elf for a few more eternal seconds before letting out a sigh and relaxed. "Fine."
I didn't need to be looking at Glorfindel to know he had a smug grin on his face. "We are all good?"
I rolled my head back to give him a Cheshire grin. "You are taking me out on a date. Then we will be good."
Alma gaped at the two of us. Varis only leaned back in her seat with a knowing smile.
"He was with me when I first woke up," I explained with a shrug as if that would be enough.
"He was with you, was he?" Varis asked suggestively with a wicked smile.
Alma, for her part, let out a groan. "You have been spending too much time with Lords Elladan and Elrohir."
Glorfindel let out a laugh. I liked his laugh and turned to smile at him. He smiled back.
The doors to the healing halls immediately opened, and Lord Elrond walked in as elegantly as ever. The others immediately sat straighter in their seats, and I snickered at Glorfindel who still looked like the cat that got the canary.
He merely looked down at me and winked.
I should've known Glorfindel would never have done something like that to me. He was too honorable to kiss someone else when we were… whatever we were.
I could worry about that later.
Elrond moved to stand next to my bedside and placed a warm hand on my forehead. He pulled away after a few moments with a kind smile. "You look far better than even yesterday, Persephone. I think you will be fine to leave tomorrow, as I still would like to keep you here overnight to make sure you maintain this spirt of good health for more than a day."
Glorfindel smiled at me and clasped my hand again in his own.
Alma seemed pleased at the news, and I knew that Varis also found delight in the Elf Lord's words.
"You should not be expecting to be able to go get into another fight anytime soon, Lady Persephone," Lord Elrond warned. "You are still recovering from the shadows draining nearly all of your fea. Luckily Lord Glorfindel was able to save you in time."
Alma and Varis were looking at the two Lords in shock as I had felt before. "You saved her, Lord Glorfindel?" Varis asked. "How?"
I squeezed his hand, and that seemed to be the nudge he needed. "I was able to use some light energy of my own fea to fend off the darkness and add some strength to her own." Glorfindel looked to Elrond with a raised brow. "However, it was not just I who helped Lady Persephone. Lord Elrond was able to heal over her fea from the damage it sustained from the attacks."
We all looked at Elrond now, who seemed slightly humbled by the awe in my friends' eyes. "Thank you for saving my friend, my Lords," Alma spoke. "I am greatly appreciative of you saving someone so dear to me and many others."
Glorfindel flashed her one of his signature toothy grins. "She is dear to me as well, Lady Almarian. I fear I might have been selfish in my attempts to save her, as I thought of what she means to myself as a reason to help."
Alma shrugged. "That is fair, but you still saved her. You have my thanks."
Elrond nodded to her gratefully, before clapping his hands together. "We should let Persephone sleep so she will be ready to leave these halls on the morrow."
I suddenly realized how tired everything today had made me at his words.
Why does he have to know everything? It's not fair.
"I will escort you both to your chambers if you may," Lord Elrond spoke to Alma and Varis. I pretended to not notice the sly looks they were sending my way as they left.
I was so going to be ripped on later by my friends, but I couldn't find it in myself to care.
"I thought I was going to have to grovel on my knees for years before you would ever forgive me," Glorfindel spoke. "But you forgave me. Why?"
I looked up at him oddly. "Are you mad I forgave you or something?"
He quickly shook his head. "No, of course not! I am overjoyed that you have chosen to grant me a second chance. However, I am curious as to why you chose to do so."
I let out a sigh and felt my gaze drop off distantly. "I'm too tired to hold a grudge. It seems pointless when I know you the way I do."
His eyebrows raised. "The way you know me?"
"You are too honorable of an elf to kiss Mirwen when we are… whatever we are."
He ran a hand through his hair. "Whatever we are?"
I shrugged, but in my exhaustion, it must've looked more like an odd jerk of my shoulders. "You are taking me out on a date."
A smile crossed his face. "I will pick you up tomorrow."
I laughed but was quickly cut off by my own yawn. "Yeah?"
Glorfindel smiled brightly, and I felt his hand find a strand of my hair, as he wrapped a coil around his finger lazily. My heart leaped at his actions, and I felt comfort take over as my eyes started to close.
"Sleep, we will have tomorrow, Nemir."
So, I slept.
