Can I just say I love when you guys leave in depth reviews and call out the characters. THANK YOU. I don't agree with Ana's actions either but I understand where she's coming from also. As for CTG, I don't blame the guy for his frustration but he could have used some finsesse on the delivery of his outburtst fo sho. Some reactions are also hilarious. some of you are comedians I swear!

I hope you all are staying indoors and being safe. Not going to lie, I stood out in the sun for 5 mins the other day after being locked in the house for like 7 days it felt so alien to me. I was like... hello sun, is that you? Have we met before?


Chapter 39 - The end of privacy.

"WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU LET ME DO ANYTHING? WHY ANA?... ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM OR SOME SHIT? IS THAT IT? SOME CRAZY STOCKOLM SYNDROME SHIT? IS HE YOUR BACK UP? DO YOU SECRETLY LOVE HIM BECAUSE YOU SEEM HELL BENT ON PROTECTING HIM."

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them and I suddenly realize that the fuck I've done. Fuck. I just... accused her... fuck no. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, GREY?

I see her eyes grow wide and her face change. My beautiful girl. Her face now ashen, eyes wide open in disbelief, slightly shaking her head.

"Ana... I... I'm sorry... I didn't mean that... I was just..."

She holds her hand up.

She starts to speak but her voice wavers. "You know, I highly suggest that you go and have a drink with Vishaal and finally decide what you both think of me." Tears start to stream down her face. "Because the man that I so desperately love just accused me of being disloyal for the second time in just a few weeks. What's next? I'm disloyal to your company? I fucking put myself on the line for the Rahman Deal. For you. YES you, asshole. Because I love YOU and I will do whatever I can to help GEH. I mean I just whored myself out at a fundraiser to not only raise money but improve your company's image for good press... and in the same night my rapist accused me of being a whore for accepting, what he thinks is a $1 million payout for giving you confidential information for you to land Rahman Industries." She looks completely broken and fuck, I wish the ground would swallow me up whole. "So you know what, tomorrow morning, I'm going to give in my two weeks notice at GEH. I am done with all of this. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going home." She starts to walk to my bedroom.

"Ana baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I'm just so fucking angry and you won't let me do anything. That asshole just keeps terrorizing you and you will not let me handle it. Please don't leave like this. Let's just talk. Please baby."

She doesn't listen and walks past me. I follow her and heads into the walk in closet and takes out her carry-on and starts to gather her toiletries.

"Ana, please."

She continues to silently work. Once she's gathers all her clothes, she grabs a pair leggings and t-shirt. She walks to the bathroom and locks me out. I hear the shower turn on and I sit outside on the floor waiting.

FUCK.

I hear the shower turn off. A few minutes later, she walks out wearing her clothes and goes to hang up the dress with the rest of the clothes from Caroline Acton. She grabs her carry on and grabs her coat and bag and starts to head out of the bedroom.

"Ana, you cannot leave. This is ridiculous. Please. Just come to bed with me. We will talk about this in the morning. I'm sorry baby, please."

She looks back at me and speaks in her passive professional voice. "Please activate the elevator. I would like to leave."

"Ana please."

"I said, I would like to leave."

"Fuck, ANA, just talk to me. Okay. Just... Please... let's just... talk to me."

She takes a breath. "If you don't activate the elevators then I will just take the fire stairs. Either way, I'm leaving."

"You're not leaving."

"You can't keep me here against my will."

"Ana, I just want to talk. I'm sorry. I am TRULY sorry. That was a shitty thing for me to say and I honestly did not mean it."

"That's the thing Christian, you did. You hurt me with your anger. What you said, it all stemmed from a truth that you believe in or that you're projecting on to me." She takes a couple of seconds to compose herself again. "I know Nani said that these are growing pains and that we'll hurt each other to grow... but I have this feeling that whatever fights we'll have... you'll end up hurting me far more than I can hurt you. I didn't sign up to be a punching bag. So please, let me leave. I want to leave. Please. I'm begging you." Her voice cracks and a new wave of tears fall.

I can't move. I can't let her leave. Not again. I can't handle that. Fuck. Please, Ana. No.

"Ana, please." My voice is almost a sob.

She looks away. After a minute, she picks up her carry on and walks up the stairs as I follow her. She walks into one of the guest rooms and slams the door shut and locks it.

I knock on the door and ask her to open it and that we should talk. She doesn't respond. I tell her I'm going to get a key and come inside and that we are definitely going to talk. She doesn't respond. I slump down and sit in front of the door.

If they were giving out awards for fucking up, I'd win them all. I sit for what feels like forever. Fuck it, I'll just sleep here. Why won't she just let me take the fucker out? Get it over with. I take deep breaths... fuck I really could've handled that differently.

I don't know how much time passes but suddenly the door opens and I fall back on my head and I'm at her feet. She looks down at me, she's still fucking pissed at me.

"Get up." She barks. I swallow and stand.

She walks back into the room "Close the door and sit on the chair over there." She motions to the chair across from the bed.

"You should be so fucking grateful that I'm taking Flynn's advice right now and not dumping your ass. Because I may love you but I don't fucking like you right now."

"Ana, I'm really sorry. It wasn't supposed to com..."

"I don't want to hear it." She interrupts me. "I'm going to explain everything to you once and for all and if you ever, and I mean EVER accuse me of disloyalty again, I swear to god Christian Grey, I will fucking show you what disloyalty is and I will tear your heart into a million pieces. Do you understand me?"

Fuck, she is so fucking scary when she talks like that. "Yes. I understand."

"For the record. I do not love Vishaal, at least not in the way you have accused me of. I loved him as my brother, because I was told that he was my brother and he always acted like a brother to me. I looked up to him in the same way Mia does to you. Anyway... past tense." She stares at the floor as she speaks. Her eyes are puffy and her face is tense and I can see she's gritting her teeth.

"I have no desire to protect him. I am only protecting Nita and my family because hurting Vishaal in any way, hurts the family. Everything is intertwined. You don't understand this because you don't understand the culture..." She looks down and take a deep breath and then looks up at me again. "Tell me, do you love Grace?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you feel you would do anything for her happiness?"

"Yes." I say unequivocally.

"That is how I feel about Nita. I would do anything humanly possible for her. My telling them about Vishaal fractures her family and I can't be responsible for that, not when she has been through so much hell in life."

"But, Ana YOU are going through hell. This is insane." I try to reason with her.

"That does not mean, I should go and blow up her life for a third time. Especially when I am the reason it blew up the second time." Her voice wavers and tears fall.

"What do you mean? What did you do?" I'm so confused.

"When Nita was 22, she met this guy at a wedding in New York. It was one of those industrialist families in the community. The guy was 29, he expressed an interest and then she had an semi-arranged marriage. Nana's sister from Pakistan was also in town for the wedding and she knew the guy's family from back home and vouched for them. It seemed like a good match and they dated for a few months and he seemed like this Prince Charming and yeah... everything was great for the first year they were married, at least it seemed like it was. But in actuality, that guy was an alcoholic and was at first emotionally abusive but as time progressed it got physical. Nita just endured it, she didn't want to bring shame to the family. You've met her, she's really shy and quiet and the most beautiful human being ever... anyway, in the second year she got pregnant and during her 5th month, one night when her husband came home, he was drunk beyond comprehension and almost beat her to death. She lost the baby." Ana takes a deep breath and covers her face... trying to control her tears and runs her hands through her hair. Her voice is strained and she continues to speak.

"Her face was black and blue, broken ribs, fractured arm, dislocated shoulder... the works. It was a miracle she survived at all. Nana and Nani flew out to London, that's where Nita's husband was based at the time for work, as soon as they found out. They got her a divorce and as soon as she was well enough to travel they brought her back to San Francisco. The guy went to jail for a few years... I think he should've been hanged but whatever. She went through recovery but also went through extreme depression. She hated everything and she wanted to get away from everyone. So she applied to get her Masters in early childhood education. Once she completed that she started job hunting. She worked in SF for a bit and the a friend of hers told her of an opening in Seattle Prep, she got the job and moved to Seattle. A year later, she got tired of the private school community and looked for opening at the DOE. They told her there were two public school openings, one in Olympia and one in Montesano."

She takes a few moments again but breaks down into a loud sobs. I get up to go to her but she stops me. "NO!"

I'm such an asshole. This is getting worse because of me. "Ana, please baby, let me hold you. You can tell me everything in your own time... just let me hold you." I plead.

"No. I don't want you to touch me right now. I just want to get this all out and move on."

I take my place on the bed but at a distance. She turns to face her body towards me but there's still about 4 feet between us.

"When I turned 11, Ray and Nita asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I straight up told them I wanted a sibling." She giggles a bit and it makes me smile. "If you think Ros has no filter, you have no idea how I was. I'm sure Ray was embarrassed for how much of social heathen I was sometimes but Nita laughed and told me to pray and dream about it and that if it was meant to be, I would soon have a sister or brother..." she looks out in the distance and takes another deep breath. "They both tried, Nita miscarried between the 8-10 week mark all three times. She was willing to try a 4th time but Ray said he couldn't bear to see her in pain again.

So yeah... then the accident happened... a friend of mine from band picked me up and we met up with other band friends and we went to Olympia... I ended up getting my period and I got really sick so I called Ray and asked him to pick me up because I couldn't handle it anymore. It was raining and it was icy... we never made it back home. ... and it's my fault."

She looks down and closes her eyes, trying her best not to cry again but she can't help it. "I rationally know that I shouldn't blame myself, it's just how it was supposed to be but there is a part of me that feels responsible. Nita lost out on 4 of her children, she lost the love of her life and then she couldn't even properly mourn him because she was dealing with my recovery... and in regards to Kiran and Vishaal... she's their aunt. She has been there, around them and with them since they were babies. She was like a second mom to them... I can't take all that away from her. She's so close to Aila Khala, and now her father who she was also so close to, just died. I will not take away her family from her. I would rather go through years of this bullshit than cause her any more pain. She's been through a lifetime of sadness and she doesn't deserve anymore. I will not cause her anymore pain..."

She's sitting with her elbows on her knees and her head cradled in her hands. God. This is such a fucking mess.

"I'm sorry Ana. I really wish you didn't have to go through this. I would do anything."

She looks up at me. "Christian, you can't do anything. AHAK and KGI are intertwined. Anything happens to Vishaal in business or personally, it affects the whole family and their livelihood plus... there are jobs at stake too. It's not that easy. Please try and understand. Whatever you're planning, whoever you have trying to come up with plan... whatever the fuck you think you can get away with... just don't. I know what you're capable of, I've seen the shit that goes through legal with Travis. I know when you're being ruthless and if you pursue this it will be a mess. Because it will be seen as an unprovoked attack and it will ruin my image in front of the family. He is doing this shit on purpose. He is using me to piss you off so that when you lose your shit, you will seem like the crazy one, which again will make Nita look bad as well... he's even trying more shit now because we're together. If I was alone, it wouldn't be that bad, in fact it's never been this bad. After the first time he tried to force himself on me, I would barely go to SF. Maybe twice a year or when I absolutely knew he was going to be overseas. Karan helped with that, he would be able to confirm his schedule. He's always the first person I call when I hear related to anything Vishaal. Like when he randomly showed up to Elliot's place. Karan was who I called... except now I'm blind again."

I feel an extreme pang of jealousy. I shouldn't but I do. Karan is family and he's absolutely on her side and I get it... but still. "That asshole kept you from your family." I'm fucking seething now but I have to calm myself.

"Yes he did, why do you think I'm always texting and facetiming everyone? Because I'm really trying to keep my relationships because I can't lose them, I love them... this year is the most I have seen him and my family in general since I left SF for college only because of the wedding. Still, he wasn't around that much when I'd fly in for wedding prep shit and to go to the resort. Whatever he pulled at the gala... he doesn't do shit like that, at least not as blatantly in front of the elders of the family. He just waits when I'm alone which is rare and the shit he does in semi-public situations seems so fucking innocent that if I react badly then I look like the asshole... he runs that family... he can do no wrong, he's the eldest among all us cousins. Everyone worships him and women throw themselves at him... I mean no one would ever believe me even if I tried." She wipes her tears and everything about this is so heartbreaking and gut wrenching.

"Ana, please... "

"What Christian? What? What do you want me to do?"

"At least tell Nani, you said she suspects something." I know for a fact that Nani knows thanks to my eavesdropping from a few weeks ago.

"She knows now."

"Then why doesn't she do anything?"

"Because I made her promise not to. I made her swear on my life not to say or do anything."

"Fuck. Ana... " This is so fucking frustrating, I'm so close to pulling all my hair out. "Ana, this is unhealthy. This is fucking Stockholm syndrome. This is a constant mind fuck."

She turns to lie on her back, with her feet dangling off the side of the bed. She lays silent for a few seconds. "I know. But one day, he won't be a part of my life. I just have to patiently wait for that day."

"So what, you're just going to let him torture you?"

"It's only torture when he's around. Otherwise he's far from my mind, except now with what I did with Akash he's going to come at me with full force. I can feel it. This evening was just a small window into that. The high of that revenge is over now. I should've been smart about it but I fucked up and now I have to sit and wait for the next attack."

"You didn't fuck up. You did what you had to and it was a sight to see Ana. You fucking annihilated him. And I swear I want to kill that motherfucker. Both of them, actually."

She snorts. "Trust me, I do too. Heck, I'd help you drag them up to the roof of Escala and push them off but don't always get what we want in life."

And for the first time since we've been home, I get the sense my girl is coming back.

"Baby, let's go back downstairs to bed?"

She shakes her head. "I really want to sleep alone tonight."

"Why do you do that? Why do you shutdown?"

"Because I'm fucking pissed at you Christian. You accused me something you know that I am incapable of. My birth mother was the most disloyal person, when I saw what she did to Ray, I saw how it broke his heart. I promised myself that I would never, EVER do that to anyone. Even if I didn't love someone, I would always remain loyal because loyalty and trust, like time... once it's gone, you can never get it back. God knows where I really come from. I suppose I'm the product of an illicit affair or some shit... so yeah, I would rather die than be disloyal." She looks at me like she's going to kill me.

"I said I'm sorry and I really am. I just... I know I need to work on my anger and jealousy issues."

She gets up and turns to me again. "I don't know how you can call yourself a Dominant when you have zero fucking control on what you say to me when you're angry. Isn't that the complete anti-thesis of who you claim to be?"

Shit. Fuck. She is hitting me where it hurts

"Ana, with you... I don't have control. That's the fucking problem. You have this complicated family and culture you're a part of and I can't do anything to protect you and it drives me nuts. You won't let me do anything and it makes me feel fucking useless."

"Well imagine how I fucking feel. I have no resources and I am in the thick of it but here I am in front of you, breathing, living and going about my life and still fighting the best I can."

"I don't have your strength, Ana."

"It's not about strength Christian. It's about faith. I have to believe that it will get better. And I have to trust in myself that I can see this through."

"I'm sorry baby. I really am. I shouldn't have said that shit. I trust you implicitly. I just... it's like sometimes you don't need me. You're so fucking self-sufficient. And I want you to need me and come to me whenever you're in a situation like this."

"Christian, I don't want to be a damsel in distress. I spent almost 3 years of my life feeling like a fucking cripple, at the mercy of others. I never want to be in that position again. There are things I can handle on my own. Please let me. My independence is important to me. I need you in other ways. I need you to trust me and know that I will make the right decision. I need you to trust in the love I have for you. I need for you to trust in my loyalty... because if you don't trust in those things then we have no foundation to build off of. You asked me to trust that you don't need the BDSM shit anymore and I did, I took some time to understand it but in the end I chose you. Any time I feel inadequate, which is often, I have to remind myself that I promised to trust you and I have to trust this process."

She's right. She's so fucking right. But why does she feel that way? She's fucking brilliant.

"You're never inadequate Ana, in fact... it is me who is so inadequate. You floor me at every turn. This evening at the fundraiser... you fucking owned that room and you put GEH on the map in a whole new way. Anything that's thrown at you, you dominate it so effortlessly."

"That's because I'm fucking awesome." She giggles. And I look up and chuckle.

"Yeah you are and I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

She looks down at her hands as she plays with her fingers. "Okay, I forgive you." She says in a small voice. "I don't want to go to bed being mad at you."

I hold my hand out to her and she takes it. I pull it too my lips and kiss her knuckles. I really want to kiss her but I'm going to wait it out. I don't want her to murder me. We head back down to the bedroom and lay down. Her back to my front as I kiss her cheek. "I'm really sorry baby."

"I know." She takes a deep breath. "You want to hear something funny."

"Yeah sure."

She turns around to face me with our legs entwined and it feels like home. I let my hands roam up her back and all over her body. "Luke was with me when Vishaal was talking to me, that you know and it was just constant back and forth of us saying shit to each other. After accusing me essentially being a whore and all that shit, he said I didn't know you were so affordable, do you have a sign up sheet, basically shit to rile me up...so I said, literally, because I was so fucking pissed, I looked up to him and said 'bitch, I'm a black amex, invitation only, take your visa ass elsewhere.' I could see the anger flash in his eyes but I just turned around and I walked away and Luke gave me a high five. It's been years since I shut him up like that." She giggles and I can't help but burst out laughing and she falls into a laughing fit with me.

"I love you Ana. You're so fucking amazing." I kiss her and bite her lip, making her moan and giggle more.

"And don't you forget it."

"Seriously, baby. You never cease to amaze me."

"Then stop fucking up, okay. Anytime you're angry at a situation that involves me, count to a 100 or something and find your zen or some shit before speaking because you really know how to shove both your feet in your mouth."

"Yes ma'am."

"And don't fucking call me ma'am. I'm not 50."

"Yes baby." I chuckle.

She snorts and gives me a kiss. "You're an asshole sometimes but I still love you, and only you."

She turns to her side and I pull her close to me, her front to my back again. "So I guess sex is off the table?" I try to keep myself from laughing. She could easily turn around and knee me in the balls.

"You've got a lot of making up to do. This Valentines Day date you've asked me out on better be fucking amazing. That's all I'm gonna say."

"Well, there will be fucking and it will be amazing. I guarantee it."

"You perv." She giggles.

"No denying that, my little freak." I kiss her neck.

She turns her face to me. "You know, you really don't have to do anything. I'd be more than happy if we just stayed in and watched a movie and ate pizza. This is all just a made up commercial holiday."

"I know but it's another first for the both of us and I want to do something special for you, cause you're my girl."

She gives me a small kiss. "You're my man."

"I'm sorry, baby, I really am."

Her voice cracks. "I'm sorry too... I'm sorry I'm not brave or strong enough."

I kiss her deeply. "Baby, you're the strongest and bravest girl I know. You've been through so much and you still have so much love to give. It takes courage to get out but it takes just as much to stay in and fight... I just wish you would let me help you. You don't have to do this alone."

"I just don't want to lose you, Christian."

"Ana, nothing's going to happen to me. He won't hurt us."

She takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I don't know about that anymore."


Thursday, February 13th, 2020

It feels warm... did the heat go up in this place. Ugh... no. I hate when people turn up the heating. I'd rather sleep with the window open in the winter time and have a super warm quilt. It's a perfect balance and if I feel too warm, I just stick a foot out of the quilt and boom, instant balance of temperature... I'm also so lazy to wake up and check the thermostat...just go back to sleep Ana.

I tentatively open my eyes... where am I? Oh... in Christian's apartment... am I still mad at him? I feel really floaty... really good...really warm... where is he?

"WHAT THE..." suddenly I'm awake. Fuck... that feels good, my hands fly down to park themselves in his hair. "Christian... fuck..." definitely, best wake up call ever but still not without a heart attack...

"Christian, please... " I look down at him and he looks up with that drop dead gorgeous smile.

"Yes baby?"

"This is quite the wakeup call... are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I'll take that as compliment now... let me have some breakfast." I feel his tongue get back to work and holy hell he's really good at this. I feel his hand travel up, under my shirt and grab my right breast and start to pinch and tweak nipples... fuck it hurts but it's a good kind of hurt.

It doesn't take more than a few minutes to orgasm... leaving me a panting mess. I hear him laughing as he moves up body, kissing me and nipping my skin, reaching my neck and biting it lightly. Asshole.

"Good Morning, Miss Steele." He says as he starts to kiss me. I taste myself on him, it feels so intimate, more intimate than having him go down on me.

"Good Morning, Mr. Grey." I grin back at him like fool.

"How are we feeling?"

"Feeling much better..." I giggle.

"How about we graduate from better to fucking amazing?" he bites my lip.

"Let me guess, that will entail some fucking that will be amazing?"

"There's that smart mouth, I fell in love with." he smiles and kisses me deeply. I feel him position himself and enter me. This feeling will never get old... the way he fills me...

"Harder... Christian... please..."

"No baby... we're going to take this slow... look at me... " I look into his eyes and silently nod as he moves in and out of me, as we climb higher... my body feels like it's on fire and I can't keep my eyes open any longer. "Christian... I'm so close... please..." I don't know what I'm asking for... my thoughts make no sense to me we're close like this. I don't know how he maintains control... I hear him grunt as he kisses my neck and increases his speed. I tighten around him and soon enough I let go, my body shaking as I try to catch my breath.

"Fuckkkkk" he groans his own release a few moments later and drops his full weight on to me.

We hold each other for a while not saying anything. Just taking each other in and letting our hands do the talking as we touch and caress each other.

"I think we need a vacation." I say as I take a deep breath.

"Where do you want to go?" he props his head up on his elbow.

"I mean eventually. Just somewhere remote where no one knows where the fuck we are and who the fuck we are and no drama can follow us..." I feel my eyes start to tear up. Shut the fuck up Ana and just say it without crying like a fucking fool. "I miss sitting out in the sun and just... being outside. I think being stuck inside all the time is really getting to me." I should probably also quickly reassure him I won't turn into Kathy Bates from Misery. "Maybe it's just seasonal affective disorder, maybe it's Seattle. I don't know..." I finish, keeping my eyes fixed on the ceiling.

I feel his hand on my cheek. I love it when he does that. It makes me feel so cherished. "Where do you want to go baby? Just say the word and we'll head out."

"I don't know... where do you want to go? I can wait till its warmer... I think I need something to look forward to. I've never really gone on vacation. I guess Cabo was the only 'vacation' I went on but that was Kiran and Daniel's co-ed bachelorette and it was exactly relaxing." I really am pathetic. I've never had a vacation.

"Not even with Ray and Nita?" He seems surprised.

"No, I mean we'd come up to Seattle sometimes but in the summer time Ray was busy with his carpentry and I guess my only vacation was small trips to SF or to New York but they never really felt like vacations... we were working towards our Italy trip after I graduated high school. I had worked some small summer jobs at the local diner in our town and some babysitting here and there to save up for it but... life has a way of steamrolling your plans."

I miss Dad so much right now. I wish he were alive. How can one person be the source of all my courage? Why can't I still channel it?

I need to stop. I can feel the dam about to burst again. I can't cry again, I'm sick of feeling this way. I'm still looking up but I can feel his eyes on me. I can feel the pity.

"We should get ready." I deflect and try to get up.

He stops me. "Baby, look at me." I am not going to look at you. I close my eyes again.

"Christian, we'll be late for work... I'll feel much better after a shower and some breakfast." I say rubbing my face to try and deflect some more as I try again to get up.

'Ana, look at me."

I take a deep breath. DO NOT FUCKING CRY. I look at him. Think of baby kittens. "Christian, I'm fine."

"You're lying"

"No, I'm not. Please, we'll be late for work. Mr. Travis may not be in this week but I still have to get to work on time and God knows Jose will be on my ass for leaving last night without saying goodbye. Val took off today and tomorrow for a long weekend getaway with her boyfriend and if I'm late, he'll panic because he hates doing lunch alone. He just sits at his desk and sulks like a brat." I ramble on and suddenly the thought of Jose freaking out makes me giggle and I lose it.

I open my eyes and I see Christian smiling down at me. "Sorry... the image of Jose losing his shit over anything always makes me feel better." I tell him.

"So you go to work him?" he raises an eyebrow.

"Well, there is this really hot guy too but he's always so busy, I barely get to see him. He's some big time executive at work. Office on the top floor, really hot but he can be an ass sometimes." I give him a small kiss.

"An ass?"

"Sorry, I meant to say he has a great ass." I giggle. He attacks me with kisses and tickles me making me scream. "OKAY STOP... STOP!" he finally does and I take a few moments to catch my breath, still grinning like a fool.

...

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU LEFT WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A GOODBYE AND GIVING BACK MY CROWN." Jose whisper yells at me. "AND NOT TO MENTION YOU COMPLETELY IGNORING MY TEXTS AND MEMES. THAT SEX BETTER HAVE BEEN GOOD TO KNOCK YOU THE FUCK OUT."

I just look at him like he's a raving lunatic and try not to laugh as I make my tea.

"Wipe that smug ass look off your face bish."

"You know, you can just say that you'll miss Val."

"Shut the fuck up. I don't miss her."

"Yes you do. You missed me too, you texted me so much when I went to Big Sur and Val told me what a crabby ass you were."

"Fuck off. I was just making sure you were alive."

"What's on your mind?"

"The baby shower got Phillip's ovaries in a bunch and he wants us to seriously consider adoption."

"And you don't want to be a dad?"

"Well, not right now. I mean, I can't afford to have crows feet with worry just yet. I'm still so... young."

"Jose, you're freaking 33 years old."

"Bitch... I'm 33 years YOUNG."

"Okay listen, let's talk about this at lunch? I've got some stuff to tell you too."

"Ooooh, is it what I think it is?" He wiggles his eyebrows.

"No, it's drama related."

"On a scale of Taylor Swift revenge pop to Teresa flipping a table, how bad are we talking?"

"We're talking Teresa adjacent." I roll my eyes trying to stifle a giggle.

"Fuck... I can't wait." He rubs his palms together lke a scheming Queen.

...

Jose, Sawyer and I head out for lunch. It's such a relief that they Jose knows and we can just be normal. We first stop at the health bar while Sawyer and I get a juice and Jose gags inwardly, not looking at us. I get my usual carrot juice and Sawyer goes from green concoction that makes me want to gag as well. We make our way to the Taco Truck that we frequent that's about 3 blocks away from GEH. There's always a line but it's worth it and we're all fast eaters. The wait gives me time to give Jose a quick run through of the events he missed because he was being a hoe on the dance floor with Seattle's money throwing elite.

"Damn, that is fucked up."

"Yeah but Sawyer will attest to my smack down."

"I can attest to the smack down." Sawyer says in complete seriousness, making Jose and I laugh. Sawyer smirks.

"I can imagine he wants to murder him."

"He does and I know how frustrated he is but Jose, I'm in a tough spot myself. I mean you get it, it's fucking complicated and then when you bring all that fucking money into the mix... fuck."

"You're afraid of a lawsuit?"

"Yeah I am. You have no idea how vindictive he is. Even if the family were to believe me... they can't stop him from going off the rails. Right now everything he is doing is controlled and precise. I grew up with the fucker, I know how his brain works."

"You can use that to your advantage."

"I can't see the big picture right now... there's still a lot in play till the 3rd quarter."

"You think he'll go after your man's potential deals and current assets?"

"No, that's all a threat. I mean... he can't go through the family companies at least, I highly doubt he has the resources on his own to take him on. That's they main difference here."

"Fuck, this shit is beyond Teresa flipping a table."

"It's definitely straining my relationship and I'm scared Jose." I whisper to him so that Sawyer can't hear.

"You think Vishaal is capable of..."

"No, not that. He's all about the cat and mouse game... I mean I don't know anymore actually." A shiver runs through my body at the thought of something happening to Christian. Jose senses my shift and puts his arm around me and gives me shoulder a light squeeze.

"I'm here to help in anyway I can, Ana."

"Thanks Jose, I cannot thank you enough." I say trying to suppress the lump forming in my throat.

We get our tacos and I start to get a nagging feeling in my stomach again. I've had it since last night... even after the morning Christian and I had, I thought I felt better but my stomach is still in knots. We walk back to GEH, talking smack about random stuff. We're about half a block away as we cross the street when I start to see a crowd of people running in our direction with cameras. I look behind me to see who could they be looking for... by the time I turn back, they're only about 6 feet away from me and I hear my name being screamed at me. Fear grips me and I look at Sawyer who's speaking into his earpiece as he grabs my arm.

"Code blue. I need back up. Code blue."

"Ana, do not let go of my hand. I will keep you safe. Keep your eyes down." Sawyer tells me and looks to Jose...and I feel everything around me go numb. My legs are jelly. I sense Jose grab my other arm as we try to walk the remainder half block to get to the GEH plaza. Everything is haze as I hear people yelling my name and shouting questions at me with flashes going off.

"ANASTASIA, HOW DID YOU GET THE GREAT CHRISTIAN GREY TO NOTICE YOU?"

"ANASTASIA DID YOU SLEEP YOUR WAY TO THE TOP?"

"IS HE GOOD IN BED?"

"DO YOU GET A RAISE FOR OVER-TIME?"

"ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

"WE THOUGHT HE WAS GAY, ARE YOU HELPING HIM PUT ON AN ACT?"

This can't be happening. How did they find out? No. NO.

Suddenly I'm on the ground on my knees and I feel myself being dragged up again. Christian. I need Christian. My hands hurt. My head hurts.

CPOV

"I want eyes on Rahman, Kapadia and Rothstein." I bark at Taylor.

"Yes sir, it's being arranged as we speak. As of now Mr. Rahman is still in New York with Mr. Rothstein. The Rothstein jet took off three hours ago and landed in Oakland and we got visual confirmation of Mr. Kapadia get in the car and drive to AHAK headquarters. However there is one more thing."

"Well... continue."

"A car came to pick him up at the Fairmont, he walked out with a woman, long red hair, incognito. They drove to Sea-Tac, she boarded the plane with him but did not disembark at Oakland. The jet is currently on its way to New York. We will be monitoring the situation."

"Can we get someone into the Fairmont security office."

"We did, this woman knew how to avoid the cameras. By her build and walk she looks to be in her early 30's ... we're trying to get a visual so we can run facial recognition."

"Keep me updated. Anything more from Welch."

"Still working on getting more information on Saphirars."

Christ. This is fucking exhausting. What the fuck is he playing at?

An hour later, Ros joins me for a conference call with our New York office. When Andrea opens the door and I signal her to come in. She hands me a piece of paper.

"Urgent. Holden is outside. Press knows about Miss Steele."

I look up at her and I see the concern in her eyes. I end the call with New York and Caleb walks through.

"How did the fuck did they find out?" I bark. Caleb looks stunned.

"Sir, is it true?"

"Yes. It is. Now how did they find out?"

"An article got posted an hour ago on Vogue India. A sneak peek into the Kapadia-Wetherington Wedding Love story. There were pictures of you and Miss Steele being close."

"FUCK."

My phone buzzes and I see its Taylor. "Sir. It's Miss Steele, she was ambushed by the paparazzi, Sawyer is bringing her up."

Fuck me. This week is just a fucking mess.

I hang up and ask everyone to leave my office. I walk out my office and in time I see the elevator open and I see Sawyer and Jose, holding Ana up. She's in shock and her knees are scraped. I run to her and take her from them. She doesn't respond. She's shivering violently.

"What happened?"

"Sir, we were ambushed and she tripped at we walking and the press got really rough."

I see a few cuts on Jose and Sawyer's face as I walk into my office but they wait outside.

I hold Ana but she won't speak.

"Baby, look at me. Ana look at me. Look you're safe." She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, shaking as I try to walk her to the couch.

She grabs on to the lapel of my jacket and screams loudly into my chest, while holding her hip. I feel the scream vibrate through every fiber of me as she faints.

FUCK. NO... FUCK.

I lay her on the couch and try to make her comfortable. Fuck, this is not supposed to be happening. I hear my door knock.

I go to open it.

"WHAT?"

"Sir."

I see Taylor standing along with Jose, Caleb and Sawyer in the background in the waiting area.

"Taylor, I want you to find out the name of every single fucker and put the fear of god into them. They better not publish any of those pictures or write anything. Where the fuck is Travis? Get him to co-ordinate this.

"Mr. Grey, Mr. Travis is away, I can handle it." Jose offers.

"Mr. Rodriguez, I'm sorry you had to be caught up with this. If you need to take the day off, I'll understand. Andrea do we have a first aid kit for Mr. Rodriguez and Sawyer?"

"Sir, it's no problem. I'll handle the legal side of things. It's just a few minor cuts."

I nod at him.

"Sir." Holden looks at me. "We need to put out a statement in order to get out ahead of everyone."

I look back at Ana. She needs to have a say in this but...

"Just confirm the bare minimum. Yes we are in a relationship. I need to talk to Miss Steele before we put out a detailed statement. Run everything by me before you put anything out there."

"Yes sir. Will email you something in the next 10 minutes." He walks towards the elevators.

"Sawyer, did Ana eat lunch?"

"No sir, we were on our way back with lunch. She had gotten a juice before we went to pick up something to eat."

"Okay, thank you. Are you okay?"

He looks at me confused. "Uh, yes sir. Thank you for asking. I'll go have this taken care of. I'll be in the security office if you need me."

I nod and walk back into the office.

I kneel beside her and brush hair off of her face. She looks so peaceful when she's sleeping. This is not how this was supposed to go. I go and get a washcloth from the bathroom and wipe her hands and knees that are now bruised and scraped. I can't even imagine the shit they must have said to her.

I hear her phone buzz off the hook. I pull it out of her pocket and I see 25 missed calls. From Nita, Nani, Kiran, that fucker, Karan, Kate and Rania. Her phone starts to buzz again and I see it's Nita.

"Mrs. Steele." I answer

"uhh... Christian?" She sounds like she's been crying.

"Yes."

"Is Aana there, can I please speak to her. She wasn't picking up."

"Mrs. Steele..."

"Please call me Nita."

"Nita, she was ambushed by the press outside work... when she finally got to my office she fainted from hip pain. She's resting right now."

I hear her stifle a sob.

"Is she hurt badly?"

"She has a few minor scrapes but she's safe now. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be silly. This isn't your fault at all. I'm trying to deal with it on my end as well. I know how much you both value your privacy. We are the same. I wish I had found out sooner. I'm looking to fly out early tomorrow morning and head to Seattle."

Ana will not want that.

"Nita, I'd ask for you to talk to Ana once she's awake before making a decision like that."

"Please have her call me as soon as she wakes up. I'll be waiting."

"I will."

"And Christian..."

"Yes?"

"Thank you so much for taking care of my Aanu. She means the world to me."

Fuck.

"She means the world to me as well. I will have her call you as soon as she's awake."

I put the phone down and set it to silent. I watch her phone light up with calls every 5 minutes. From Kate, Kiran, to Rania to Karan to that fucker. All taking turns. I text Kate from my own phone and let her know that Ana is safe but isn't able to talk and that I'll have Ana call her as soon as she can.

I look at Ana and a little while later she starts to open her eyes. She looks confused, I stroke her cheek and she looks to me and tears start to form.

"This is end isn't it... of my privacy and freedom?"

I swallow. There's not way I can protect her from this.


Authors Note: The drama still ain't over y'all. WE STILL GOING STRONG.

Pinterest: www dot pinterest dot com/paleseptember10/50-shades-of-love-and-light/ - check out board for chapter 38 :)