I can't believe, I got up to 40 chapters... well 38 if I minus the authors notes. but hot damn. still so much more to come. I promise the next few chapters will be light. Next one will be focused on valentines day. YAY. I honestly thought I'd be done with this story in 20 chapters but then I kept adding details and conversations and here we are familia.
Oh and I changed the story name to Darkness to Light because... the love and light thing was a very initial idea and yeah... i think this is more fitting. our babies are moving towards the light slowly but surely.
Jess: The theory about Val being the redhead made me CRACK UP and want to change the storyline just to have it but then I don't want Ana to deal with anymore hearbreak. So no, Val is not the redhead. We will eventually find out.
Gowildcats: your review made me GASP. so good. I have so many answers for you in the next chapters.
This one is a bit of a short chapter, our girl of Steele about to show us some major CEO moves.
How are you all doing? Sending you lots of love and sanity in this crazy time.
Chapter 40 – anchor up to me, my love.
Thursday, February 13th, 2020
"This is end isn't it... of my privacy and freedom?"
I swallow. There's not way I can protect her from this.
She turns away from me and hides her face as she breaks into uncontrollable sobs. I rub her back, trying to soothe her.
"Baby... I'm sorry."
She calms down a little. "How did they find out?"
I take a deep breath. "Vogue India ran a look into Kiran and Scooter's wedding. Our pictures were in there. GEH put out confirmation our relationship but it's a simple confirmation. I didn't want to put out a detailed statement until I spoke to you."
"What the fuck?" She looks at me surprised.
"Yeah, there are about 10 or so pictures of us. Some of us being close, a few of us dancing and laughing." Truth is they're amazing pictures of us, I just wish the world didn't have to see them.
She silently shakes her head with her eyes tightly shut. She takes a few deep breaths and gets up. "I need to call mama."
"I spoke with her."
"You did?" she looks at me surprised and as I give her phone back to her.
"It's been ringing non-stop. I saw Nita calling and picked up. She's waiting to talk to you."
She nods and makes to call Nita. She talks to her in a mix of Urdu and English and cries a little telling her not to come back until all legalities are taken care of in India.
"No mama, I'm fine. I promise I am. Christian and Kate are here and he has security. I promise I'll be fine. Whatever happened just now just caught us by surprise... we'll be fine. I will keep you updated. I promise. Please don't worry and tell Nani I'm fine too." It breaks my heart how she's lying to her mom to not feel like a burden.
She hangs up and cradles her face in hands trying to take deep breaths. I hear a knock on the office door. I go to open it and I see Andrea standing with some food, an orange juice and some Advil.
"Sir, I overhead that Ana didn't eat anything. I ordered something for you both. I hope she feels better soon." She gives a small smile. I'm floored by the gesture.
"Thank you Andrea... I'm sure she'll appreciate this."
"You're welcome, Sir." She nods and walks back to her desk.
I walk back and place the food in front of Ana. "Baby, Andrea got you something to eat. You need to have something."
"Honestly, eating is the last thing on my mind. I'm too fucking angry right now." She says trying to control her emotions. "I need to call Kiran and ask her how the fuck this happened."
"You think she did this?"
"Only her and I had the link to the sneak peek gallery for the wedding photos... unless she shared it with Vogue India, directly."
She goes through her phone again and calls Kiran setting it to speaker. Kiran picks up on the second ring.
"AANA... babygirl I am so sorry..."
Ana speaks with a chilling calm. "Why are you apologizing, Kiran? Did you do something wrong?"
"Baby girl... I messed up. I swear I didn't realize until the article went up."
"How did they get the photos?"
"Vishaal Bhai is good friends with the EIC and I met her last week for dinner when she was visiting SF. Bhai had shown her some BTS pictures of the wedding previously... she said she would love to do a feature for Valentine's day... so I sent her a link... and..."
"and you didn't think to perhaps make some selects from the sneak peek gallery and send her a heavily edited version, there were over 250 images in that gallery Kiran... didn't you maybe think that some people may value their privacy?"
"Aana, I honestly forgot there were pictures of you and Christian in there... I didn't realize it would be such an issue."
"Kiran, do the fucking math with me, a white girl in a sari, sitting next to a gorgeous guy... what did you think was going to happen? All Vogues are in contact with each other, they would've found out who he was within minutes. Do you realize what this is doing for their SEO and not to mention the affiliate links? You just made them a fuck ton of money at the expense of MY PRIVACY AND SAFETY KIRAN. ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW?" She yells the last part and holy fuck she is terrifying.
"Aana... I'm really sorry..." Kiran's voice breaks.
"Aana, it was an honest mistake." We hear Vishaal's voice come through.
"Take me off of speakerphone."
"Aana, calm down." Vishaal says.
"Stay the fuck out of this Vishaal. Kiran take me off of speakerphone. Do not make me repeat myself." She seethes.
"Fine. It's off. Why are you being so mean to Vishaal Bhai? He's only trying to help."
"I don't need anyone's help. This conversation is between us. Now listen to me, I want you to call PR at KGI, I don't give two shits about what time it is over there right now, wake them the fuck up and tell them that the only comment is NO COMMENT. If they are desperate to put out a statement then they can redirect it to GEH. Let me be clear... the only statement that will be made about me will be from GEH, no one else. Do you understand?"
"I'll let the KGI PR team now. Aana, I'm really sorry."
"You really fucked up Kiran. You know the shit I went through with Rania's wedding. I was fucking cyber bullied for weeks on end and I had to change my number... I can't believe you would be so careless again. You really lack foresight."
"Aana... "
"I'm done. I will call you if I need anything else. Goodbye."
She hangs up and starts another call.
"Aana..."
Her voice breaks. "Raniapa..."
"Tell me what you need. I'll get it done."
"Just that AHAK maintain a no comment stance. Any statements about me will come through GEH only."
"Consider it done. We've been holding off, I wanted to hear from you. Our PR department has been inundated with calls and emails."
"Thanks Apa... I really appreciate this."
"Are you okay baby? Do you need anything? Listen if you want to get away from everything, come over, I can send the jet for you or my assistant can book you a flight and I'll pick you up. You can chill here and we'll snuggle with Aria. She's been saying more bad words, it's fucking adorable." She giggles and it makes Ana laugh.
"I would love to but I think I should stay here. I'll be fine... it's just a shock."
"I know baby girl."
"I'm going to send a message in the family group for everyone to not give out or confirm any information about me... can you reiterate it with some big sister fear after I've done it?"
'I got you boo. Take care of yourself... and let me know if you need absolutely anything."
"I will, Raniapa. I love you. Give Aria a big hug from me."
"You know I will. I love you."
She hangs up and covers her face trying to breathe a little more.
"Ana..." I rub her back.
She looks to me and I can tell she's really trying to keep it together. "Why are people so fucking stupid and selfish?"
"Now you know why I'm always yelling at people." I smirk and she giggles and tears start to fall from her eyes. I pull her in for a hug and kiss her forehead.
"They're going to be so brutal, Christian. I've been through this before but this time it'll be worse."
"What happened at Rania's wedding?"
"After Rania's wedding, a tabloid reported that I was a relationship with Karan. It was so stupid. It spread like wildfire and it was horrible because my socials got hounded with so much negativity, my number got found out and it was just really bad... Karan and Vishaal are like top tier in the community, women throw themselves at them... there's a fascination and I got a lot of hate for it even though a statement was put out that Karan is my brother but the damage was done."
Fuck... this will be on a whole other level. I hold her tight. "Baby, I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault. I just... was hoping we could have more time you know. Now... everything's changed. I can't even..."
Her phone rings again and she looks back at me and straightens herself.
"Carla?"
"Anastasia." Carla's voice sings from the other side. She sounds... fake. Her voice lacks the warmth that Ana has. "Oh honey, you didn't tell me you were dating a billionaire... look at you aiming for the stars."
"What do you want?" Ana closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose.
"Is that how you talk to your mother?"
"I talk to my mother with a lot of love and respect, you on the other hand are a very different story."
She scoffs. "Is that what she taught you? You think you're dating a billionaire and suddenly you're one of them."
"I'm hanging up."
"No wait... I just wanted to let you know that I've gotten several calls in the last 30 minutes about giving an interview. Everyone wants to know who you are." She laughs.
Ana looks back to me, tears forming in her eyes. She takes a deep breath.
"Listen to me Carla, I'm only going to say this once so you better hear me loud and clear. If you so much as confirm my middle name to any media house or even your local hairdresser, I swear to god, I will have the legal teams of 3 multi-nationals descend upon you like a pack of vultures and snatch your country club life away from you. Do you hear me? Consider this my last conversation with you. I am done."
"I am your mother Anastasia."
"Giving birth to me doesn't make you my mother. You neglected me and put me in danger and then you wanted to kill me. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME." She screams.
She hangs up and starts to wail and my heart aches for her. I pull her in for hug and hold her as tight as I can as she cries into my chest.
"I'm sorry baby. I wish I could take your pain away." My voice is strained. I hold her face and bring it to me and kiss her.
She pulls away and shakes her head. "I'm okay... that conversation was a long time coming. It had to be done... she was probably looking for a payday anyway. Some birth mother..."
"Honestly, you have all the makings of CEO. Seeing you handle this right now... I'm floored."
"Watch out Mr. Hotshot, I'll take over your company." She giggles and I lean in to give her a small kiss. My brave girl.
"Do you want to go home baby?"
"Can we stay here a little while? I'm a little nervous to go out there."
"We can stay here as long as you like." I tell her.
"How are Jose and Sawyer? I can't believe I forgot to ask about them. I should go see them, I'm such an asshole friend."
"Ana, they're fine... just some minor cuts. Jose is handling the legal side of all this and Sawyer is in the security office. "
She slowly nods. She picks up her phone again and calls Kate. They talk for a bit and Kate assures her she'll be back from Atlanta early morning tomorrow and they can discuss a plan of action over lunch. I tell Ana that she should stay home at Escala and spend some time with Kate and that work will be taken care of. I can tell she's feeling off kilter. Her whole life is blowing up again and she is going to be scrutinized. Fuck. This is a fucking mess.
Once she ends the call, she starts another call.
"Karan bhai."
"Bachay... are you okay? I saw what happened. I'm so sorry. Tell me what you need."
"I'm okay... Kiran fucked up."
"Of course she did. If she ever thought about anyone outside of herself, it would make her a hell of a lot more tolerable." He groans.
"Dude, she didn't even cull the images. She just gave the entire fucking gallery to Vogue India."
"She's got shit for brains, that's why."
"Also... Vishaal showed up to the Gala I was at last night in Seattle."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, he essentially ambushed me in front of Christian and the GEH COO and tried acting all charming and shit. He took me aside and basically accused me of selling myself for the Rahman info."
'What do you say to him about that?"
"I told him that his friend needed to learn how to keep his shit under wraps. Don't worry, he doesn't know that I got it from you. But he thinks I sold that information to land the deal. He's monitoring my financials. I got a bonus from work after the deal, the COO insisted on it... "
"I'm sorry bachay, I wish I could help. This new security upgrade and him becoming even more secretive... it's hard for me to get more information on him."
"It's okay bhai, I'll be fine. I don't foresee myself being in public anymore thanks to all this shit now. I guess in a way it's a blessing. The only time I'll see him now is at Aashu's wedding I guess. Or when I come to SF to meet Nani and Mama. Hopefully he'll be travelling by then."
"Fingers crossed. I have some trips planned with him, we're still finalizing them, as soon as they're locked in you'll see them on my calendar and you can go to SF during those times as well."
"Thank Bhai, I will. I have to go now, I will keep you posted."
"Take care of yourself Bachay, I'm here if you need anything. Come to Miami whenever you want to get away. Even if I'm not here, Tony and Spencer will be."
Her voice breaks. "I will Bhai. Thank you. Love you."
"Love you, Bachay."
They all really do love her. It's beautiful to see but... she's still keeping them all at arms length. She's still trying to protect them.
"Baby?"
"Yeah?" She says but doesn't look at me. She looks tired.
"We need to go over what you'd like in the detailed statement."
"Honestly Christian. I don't want to give out any information. Just the confirmation and request for privacy should suffice. I don't want to mention any of my family associations, nothing."
"Okay, I understand that."
"I know they will dig, they've probably uncovered shit already. I'm sorry for how this will reflect on you." She says as she starts to cry.
"What are you talking about Ana? Nothing you could ever do would reflect badly on me."
"Well the stuff about Carla, I'm sure they'll ... I don't know."
I interrupt her with a deep kiss, trying to tell her how much I love her. "Baby, forget everything. Only you and I matter. What we have, here, right now... this is all that matters." I stroke her cheek and she looks into my eyes with tears falling as she nods.
"Yeah, you're right. This is all just... I'm scared."
"I know... but we'll get through this."
She hugs me and I hold her. A little while later, I hear my office door knock again. I go to see who it is and it's Ros.
She walks in and asks Ana how she's feeling. Ana shrugs and tries to make a joke and Ros pulls her in for a hug.
"You guys need to see this." Ros says with a grim expression and walks to turn on the TV.
What shows on the screen makes my heart fall into my stomach and takes me back to the evening after Christmas Day, 7 years ago.
FLASHBACK
Wednesday, December 26th, 2012
Mia has blackmailed me into staying an extra night at Mom and Dad's. I'd honestly rather be at home in my playroom having a good hard and punishing fuck with a tied up submissive. Sabrina isn't the most experienced sub, she safe words every now and then... but she's the only one I've got till I can cut her loose after the holidays. Elena needs to really step her fucking game with finding me prospects who can take a good punishment session.
Grandpa Theo and Grandma Margot are spending the holidays at Mom and Dad's along with Uncle Richards's family from South Carolina. Thank God, he has kids that are Mia's age which means I don't have to deal with entertaining them. Elliot has brought another flavor of the month airhead he parades around as a girlfriend. Thankfully, everyone has stopped asking me about my... 'special someone', though Grandma Margot is determined as ever. Fuck special 'someone's'. Fuck love. That shit is useless. Love is for fools.
We've just finished dessert and are slowly pouring into the TV room for a late night drink when what I see on the TV makes me stop in my tracks.
The breaking news shows an aerial view of the I-5 right outside Olympia, a scene of a 15-20 car collision with a huge, 18 wheeler truck with emergency responders and services working to rescue survivors with some cars on fire. We all watch in horror as the news anchor announces that the only survivor is young woman who is a minor. Officials are not allowed to share her information. 35 are confirmed dead. Only 1 survivor. How does one survive an accident like that? It looks gruesome. It looks like a warzone.
I see Mia sob. "Oh my god. She must only be in school like me... "
"Heaven help her and grant her a speedy recovery. I can't imagine the call her loved ones must've gotten tonight." Grandma Margot says with sadness.
"Fuck... that is... God, how does one even survive something like that?" Elliot looks in shock.
END FLASHBACK.
I'm met with the same aerial view showing on television.
"Our sources have confirmed that the survivor of the I-5 crash from 7 years ago, known as the 'Miracle Survivor' is indeed Anastasia Steele, current girlfriend of Christian Grey of Grey Enterprises Holdings." The presenter says.
Ros and I look to Ana. She just silently stares with tears falling, at the aerial view and pictures they show of the gruesome accident on TV.
That was her. I could've done something. It was her. She needed me. I'm reminded of file Kate sent me. She arrested three times on the way to the hospital. She almost left us. She barely held on.
"Please stop looking at me like that." She says, looking at Ros.
"Ana, I'm so sorry." Ros says with a strained voice.
"I'm fine now." She takes a deep breath. "Now that they've found this out, they're going to dig into my medical records and then the extent of my injuries and recovery will come out, then I'll go from the broke legal assistant to the charity case to be looked down upon with pity. Then they'll find out my association to AHAK and KGI, then I'll be the rich white girl who they can hate on, that made a full recovery because she had the money." She says with disgust and walks away towards the windows.
Ros looks at me and I've never seen her show emotion like that before. "Take care of her. I'll go back to my office, if you need anything, let me know." She whispers. I nod and she leaves.
I walk to Ana and she's looking out silently crying.
"I'm tired Christian. I'm tired of desperately trying to keep my head above water. I'm so fucking tired and the tide keeps coming in. I can't..."
I hold her and she sobs into my chest. I can't protect her from any of this and I have nothing to say that will comfort her.
"Let's go home. Fuck all of this Ana, let's go home and we'll get in bed and relax. You've had a really long day. You need to eat something as well. We can take a bath and just block all this out"
"We should meet with your PR team before we do. I can imagine they have questions." She says wiping her eyes.
"If you don't want to confirm anything then we don't need to meet with them. We can keep our statements to a bare minimum. Let the press say whatever they want. This will all die down, it will take a while but it will fade."
"Can I meet with Jose before we leave?"
"Sure baby, I'll call him up."
I ask Andrea to have Jose meet us in my office. He walks through a few minutes later and Ana gives him a big hug and cries, apologizing to him. He makes a joke about how his scars while not becoming of a Queen, will definitely give him some badass street cred. He instantly makes Ana feel better. He gives me an update on the success of keeping the photos Ana from earlier off of the Internet.
"While I'm not happy that my hag is surpassing me... I'll let it go just this once for the promise of my 5 minutes of fame." Jose declares.
"Yes, of course, how could I forget?" Ana rolls her eyes and gives him another hug. "You'll be okay?" She asks.
"Girl, I survived middle school and high school bullying. This is child's play, plus, I look like a fucking snack now... everyone's gonna want a piece of this. " he wiggles his eyebrows and we all laugh.
We head down to the garage in the private elevator and meet with Taylor and Sawyer. Ana gives a Sawyer a hug.
"Thank you for keeping me safe, Luke." she says. Luke awkwardly looks at me and pats her shoulder awkwardly.
"Just doing my job, Miss Steele." He gives her a small smile.
"I'm making you your own batch of cookies." she giggles and he nods.
We exit the GEH building garage and are met with a crowd of paparazzi with flashes going off. Thank god for tinted windows but Ana still buries her face in my chest. I hold her tight and kiss her forehead. We're met with a similar scene at Escala, thank God for private garage entrances.
...
Sitting in the bath, Ana barely says a word. She leans against my back and is deathly quiet. I try to engage her in conversation but she gives one word and disinterested answers. I'm desperate to know what's going on in her mind. She doesn't want to meet with Flynn.
"Baby, let's get out of the bath and get something to eat. Gail made mac and cheese." I kiss her temple and she slowly nods.
We sit and eat but again she barely says a word. She takes a bite here and there. Her face is tense and I can tell that her mind is in overdrive. Once we're done, I make her some tea and we head into my study to meet with Taylor and Sawyer for a security update. A conversation that I know is not going to go well.
"So you're telling me that, I can't do anything like I did before?" She looks at Taylor with her voice wavering. "I can't go back to my apartment, I can't go to pilates, or for groceries or even to buy lunch outside GEH, or hangout with my friends or go to galleries... I can't take a walk? I'm just supposed to be stuck up here?"
"Miss Steele, I understand that this is a difficult situation but given the media interest it raises security concerns. Your apartment building is not secure. From now on, anywhere you go, you'll need a minimum of two CPO's at all times. We can't take the risk and yes I would suggest you limit your outings to the bare minimum and only when necessary."
She looks at me and then Taylor and covers her face and takes a few deep breaths. She gets up and walks away.
"Ana..."
"I need to be alone right now..." I hear her voice break as she walks out.
"Sir, I suggest adding Prescott to her detail with Sawyer."
"Agreed."
"This is a fucking mess. This is not how it was supposed to go."
"I understand."
"Any updates on the woman from Fairmont?"
"She was seen disembarking at Teterboro and going into the Rothstein's apartment building but never left. It's been a few hours. We haven't been able to get enough of her face to run facial recognition."
"Fuck... and Rahman?"
"He too hasn't left Rothstein's apartment in over 24 hours."
"Let me know as soon as something changes."
I walk out of my study and go to find Ana. She's not in the library or bedroom. I ask Gail and she tells me she saw her go upstairs.
I find her sitting by the windows in the guest room we were in last night. She's sitting on the couch her with her back towards me. Her is face resting on her arms as she looks out of the window while listening to some music. She's still lost in thought.
And I hear your ship is comin' in
Your tears a sea for me to swim
And I hear a storm is comin' in
My dear is it all we've ever been?
Anchor up to me, love.
Anchor up to me, love.
Anchor up to me, love.
Oh, Anchor up to me, love.
Anchor up to me, my love, my love
My love.
I go and sit next to her. Her eyes are fixed on the Ferris Wheel. She's not crying but she's looks lost.
"I used to love Ferris Wheels. Every September we'd had this visiting fair that would come to Montesano and Dad would always indulge me and take me on the rides they had... when I first moved to Seattle, I'd walk a lot. Kate was busy with work so instead of staying home all the time, I'd sometimes walk around. When I lost my job at SIP, I was so angry and sad. I went to the Ferris Wheel and took a ride. I missed Dad so much. The thought of maybe having to go back to SF was frightening..."
"What about DC? Didn't you have an offer from Senator Rosenthal."
"That was Vishaal's hookup. Senator Rosenthal's office called me out of the blue and she offered me the job. It was a day after the GEH interview and it pissed me off because I didn't ask for it but it was another way of him trying to weasel his way into my life. I told her I'd let her know as soon as I heard from you guys. I was never going to take the DC job, even if I hadn't gotten the GEH job. I was determined to stay in Seattle. Going back was an extreme last resort."
"How does he know her?"
"Jacob and Vishaal were close growing up. KGI donates to her campaign."
The fucker. Of course he does.
"I know the security briefing was jarring for you... I'm sorry."
"It is what it is... this is what my life has been like for the past 7 years. One step forward and I fool myself into thinking that I'm doing better and that I can be happy and out of nowhere, I'm yanked back down and beaten... and I never learn. My life will never be the same again. The single most harrowing moment of my life is being dissected on entertainment channels as fodder for the masses to pity or scrutinize me. Some Miracle survivor..."
"I'm sorry Ana... "
"It's not your fault... I just... I used to have so many dreams but after everything I realized that maybe it wasn't meant for me so I had to keep my life and my expectations small and manageable. All I wanted was a small life with friends and love you know. I wanted freedom and independence and even that, the most basic tents of my life have been snatched away. I tried to do everything right... and none of it matters. My whole life is being blown up on a projector screen, I read the shit that they are saying. You're the boy wonder, the self-made billionaire... I'm nothing." She shakes her head and cries.
"Ana, you're everything to me. You're everything to the people who love you."
She takes a deep breath. "I meant professionally. I didn't even get a chance to make a name for myself. Now, no one will ever take me seriously or listen to me for me. It'll only be because I'm your girlfriend. I won't be just Anastasia Steele, I'll be Christian Grey's girlfriend, Anastasia Steele. I'll be an accessory... this is why I never mentioned my associations to AHAK and KGI... everyone at GEH will look down on me. No one will trust me anymore. You can't control how people think. Maybe how they act in the confines of GEH but not their minds. I worked really hard to prove myself. I worked overtime to show that I'm dedicated and now... it'll all be looked down on. I can't show my face there anymore" She wipes her face.
"Ana, fuck what they think. They don't matter."
"Christian, that is so easy for you say. You're a man. You walk in the room and everyone takes you seriously. I walk in a room, the first they notice about me is how I'm dressed or look, then it's about my brain and whether or not I have what it takes. You've made your mark on the world. I didn't want to conquer the world but I wanted to be respected by my peers and I put in the work... and now every single facet of my life is being blown up again. First, I was confined to a bed and unable to move and now, I can move but I am unable to live freely."
She looks out the window again and the embers of the sun are fading. The room is dark and she takes a deep breath.
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
A luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.
"Wasn't that a Robert Frost poem?" I ask her.
"Yeah... it's one of my favorites. I found this band in recovery and saw that they had turned the poem into a song. I thought it was really beautiful... I walked a lot to it when I first moved to Seattle. It seemed fitting. I was lonely and trying to find some happiness."
"It's beautiful."
"Yeah..."
"Do you want to go and stay with Rania for a couple of days?" Maybe that will make her feel better.
She shakes her head. "I imagine I'll have trouble in SF too. I don't want to put Aria in any danger. Whenever I go back to visit, I like to go outdoors, I have my traditions of things I like to do there... what's the point if I'm going to be stuck indoors. Might as well just stay here."
"We can have your things moved here over the weekend."
She shrugs. "It is. What it is."
"Ana, don't be like that. It's for your safety."
"Christian, you wanted me to move in. I guess I'm moving in. What else do you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to resent me."
"I don't resent you. I just... " she takes a deep breath trying not to cry again. "I just... I really miss my dad right now. He was my anchor. He knew what to say and I'm honestly really tried of trying to keep it together. It's just one blow after the other. It just doesn't stop. What's the point if I'm only in survival mode. I'm trying my best to thrive but this is just..." She shakes her head and buries her face in her arms and sobs.
I pull her close to me and kiss her forehead.
"This is not how our first months were supposed to be. We're supposed to be happy and doing things that normal couples do. This is fucking ridiculous."
"Well, we're not really normal people now are we, or we'd be boring as fuck like Elliot and Kate."
She laughs. "Yeah and who wants to be boring?"
I tip her face up to me and kiss her. "I love you, Miss Steele."
"I love you Mr. Grey."
"Don't worry about people at GEH. You've proved yourself time and time again. You already know who is in your corner... they are the only people who matter."
"I know, it's just that, I don't want to cause any problems for Mr. Travis. It's hard enough getting other departments to co-ordinate and getting shit through to legal... I don't want them to all fuck with me and make it tough for legal again."
"Well, Miss Steele... I guess you're going to have to continue to bake more cookies."
She giggles. "I'm taking a break this weekend. I'm tired. They can do without the extra calories for a while."
"Are you ready for our date tomorrow?"
"I guess, I mean, you okay with my having scraped knees and bruised hands? I need to find a dress to hide this shit." She shrugs.
I kiss her deeply. "Baby, you would wear a burlap sack and you'd still look like a goddess."
"Wow, you really are laying it on thick. Don't worry, Grey... I'll still sleep with you." She giggles and starts to laugh deliriously.
"Okay, just checking." I smirk.
We get up and walk downstairs to my bedroom.
"Can you believe, it's only 8:30pm, and I swear to god, I want to go to sleep. Like... I'm so old."
"And you call me an old fart."
"Well yeah, you are. Look at you, you're walking to bed with me."
"Only because I have an ulterior motive."
"You ALWAYS have an ulterior motive."
"True. No denying that."
We get into bed and hold each other.
"Gail will make you and Kate lunch and then Caroline will meet you at the spa for you both to have massages and get ready for your dates."
"What, I don't need that stuff. I got a massage yesterday."
"Its already arranged Miss Steele. You better show up. You had a long today, you need it."
"What about you? You need to relax too. I can give you a massage... or is that too much? I don't want to hurt you."
"No, you won't hurt me and I wouldn't mind a massage from you actually. It would just take some getting used to."
"Only if you're comfortable with it..." she kisses the corner of my mouth.
"By the way, PR sent me some pictures from last night."
"Oh god..."
I laugh and show them to her. "Scroll through..."
She takes my phone an goes through them. "Wow, look at us, we look like we've been forced to stand together. Look at that gap. Like... wow. No one would EVER guess we're together. They'd think we hate each other. Like, that is not a picture of two people who have sex with each other at all. You're barely smiling, as usual and I'm just a deer in headlights and Ros is so not bothered."
I laugh out loud.
"Oh and look this... I look like a fucking lunatic singing on that stage... BY THE WAY... can we discuss that?" She puts the phone down and looks at me.
"Was that planned, cause I SWEAR TO GOD, I will bury both you and Ros."
"No baby, it wasn't, I promise. That was all Ros, feel free to bury her, I will help dig a hole in the ground."
"God, it was so nerve-wracking."
"You killed it. You alone raised $5.5 million. Do you realize that?"
"Yeah, that was really unexpected. I didn't plan on doing that bit after the performance, I mean I saw the numbers and I got pissed cause I knew that there were a bunch of hotshots in the room and I'm like, fucking donate your money assholes. So I shamed them. Nothing like shaming rich people and making them feel bad in their expensive clothes while they eat fancy ass food. I had more to say but I had to keep it classy for the kids." She sasses.
"Well you did amazing. Everyone was looking at you well after the performance was over. I wanted to kiss you so badly... and now that everyone knows I will kiss you to my hearts content in public."
She looks at me. "Christian Grey into PDA? Who are you?"
"Miss Steele, it's a whole new world for me."
"If anyone had told me on my first day of GEH that the brooding and crabby but hot CEO would be under my spell and talking about PDA. I would have had them committed." She giggles
"I wish I had met you on the first day."
"But we're here now. Took us, well mostly me, since I put in all the work... 10 years but we made it in the end."
I laugh and give her big wet kiss. "That we did baby."
"Until we put on a show for the public, can you show me some private displays of affection?" She wiggles her eyebrows and I have to laugh.
"Miss Steele, are you blatantly asking for sex? How brazen."
"Yes. I'm a 21st century woman and I know what I want. I want sex... so get to it, Grey." she giggles.
"Yes ma'am." I chuckle.
We make quick work of getting naked as she giggles between kisses and our hands roaming over each other. She holds on to me tightly as I enter her slowly.
"You feel that baby... this is all that matters. You and me."
She moans her assent and closes her eyes, enjoying and meeting me thrust for thrust as her hands find their way into my hair.
"You're so tight baby... you were made for me and only me."
"Only you... Christian... I'm so close..." she starts to tighten around me and soon enough we both let go and are left a complete panting and sweaty mess.
I try to pull out of her but she stops me.
"No please... just stay with me like this for a little while longer." I hear voice waver.
I hold her face and stroke her cheek. "What happened baby?"
"I don't want to go back to reality just yet." Tears fall out of her eyes.
I shower her with kisses. "You're safe here baby, nothing will happen to you."
Authors Note: I kept this a bit short. the next chapter is about valentines day and it'll be drama free. I promise.
Pinterest: www dot pinterest dot com/paleseptember10/50-shades-of-love-and-light/ - check out board for chapter 38-39-40 :)
Music:
Anchor - Novo Amor
Acquainted With The Night - Blue Rose Code.
