The eleventh day

-Celestia Romilly, 18, District 1-

It was the first morning she woke up feeling normal in such a long time. Well, maybe it hadn't been that long, at this point she had stopped counting the days. She could understand why it might be reassuring or advantageous to keep track of the days, but it wasn't something she felt was useful enough to her to waste energy over.

Her eyes stung as the light hit them, her muscles stiff from the long night in a less than comfortable pose. Other than that, though, she felt fine. No more haziness in her head, no more swimming in front of her eyes, no more feeling irresistibly tired. And best of all, she wasn't feeling nearly as weak as she had been in the days past. Celestia finally felt like herself again.

Perhaps the poison was a good thing in that regard. Before Rammie's attack, Celestia didn't feel like she was anything at all. She wasn't even sure if there was a herself that existed. She just felt like a blob, not a person, and certainly not a self. The poison had caused her to not feel like herself, and through that she could diagnose exactly what qualified Celestia as herself. Strength in her muscles, energy behind her eyes, thoughts filling her mind, quick reaction time, health… Perhaps those weren't the only things as well. Perseverance, for one. Determination, possibly what she heard the trainees back home refer to as grit. Those were all qualities that Celestia could be proud of. Pride. Another one to put in her back pocket.

To have a sense of self again was energizing to Celestia. After so long of being surrounded by people that eyed her like she was a circus animal, she had lost herself to their scrutinizing stare. She had resigned herself to the post of weird girl. But in her new conception, neither of those words existed, nor did they matter. She did not have to be confined to the perception of her by the outside.

And yet, there were those few that didn't think of her in that way, for whatever reason. And one of them was just giving her a smile in greeting.

It was one of those things that the Academy trainers just couldn't give her a straight answer for. As much as she wished they would tell her the signs of someone that can be trusted and those who cannot. They always said that the District partner was someone good to trust, but now Merc was no help to Celestia. Every time Celestia asked for a solid answer, the trainers spewed out stuff that just made no sense. As if she was supposed to have some intuition about who was good and who was not. Celestia could barely tell when someone was upset with her, let alone knowing who to trust with her life in a game like this. She felt prepared for the Games in every way, except for that.

And either she had gotten incredibly lucky, or she was going to pay the price for her misplaced trust in a short amount of time. There was no way to know for sure. She was handling that knowledge the best that she possibly could.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice soft. Was that what had Celestia trust him?

"Better," she said, honestly, and then her stomach started to grumble. She put a hand on it, trying to silence it, but Kelwyn just gave her a small laugh.

"Guess it's breakfast time," he said, turning to look through the pack of supplies. Was that laugh supposed to be at her? Celestia just couldn't be sure. Her intuition was telling her that Kelwyn was her friend, but the trainers said to always be vigilant. Perhaps because they believed her to be naïve, which was very likely true. A bad thing? It was hard to say. Celestia couldn't see what was bad about it, just slightly frustrating at times…

Kelwyn tossed her an apple that snapped her out of her thoughts. Celestia didn't particularly love the feeling of eating apples, but at this point she would rather do that than starve. And until Remus got back, that would be all they have…

She couldn't hold back a shudder at the sound of Kelwyn biting into the apple. Something about it was just repulsive. She couldn't really explain it, that noise was just absolutely terrible. She kept eating through the discomfort, even though she wasn't exactly hungry after hearing that. How could he stand it, just taking a huge bite like that? She had no idea.

"Remus better hurry back here," Celestia said commented. "This is just repulsive."

Kelwyn looked surprised she'd say such a thing, which in turn confused Celestia as she thought it was obvious.

"Do you think he'll come back?" Kelwyn finally asked.

Celestia hadn't considered the possibility that he wouldn't… But it was a smart question. She pursed her lips.

"Why wouldn't he? At this point, it's strategic more than anything. He's by himself, there's two of us."

"Perhaps because he knows we wouldn't trust him."

Celestia really should have been able to see that coming. At this point it was becoming redundant, thematic material. "Why wouldn't we trust him?"

Kelwyn gave her a smile, but something was off about the way his eyes seemed to sulk. "He and two other trained tributes go out hunting. Who could have possibly taken out two trained tributes in a matter of less than a day?"

"Surely Merc and Arden would have fought back against him."

"I feel that if any of the Careers had the ability to fake us all out, it would be him."

"You think it was all an act?" Celestia had no idea.

"I don't know," Kelwyn confessed. "There's no way to know for sure without us being there."

"Merc wouldn't have gone without a fight," Celestia said. "Perhaps he took down Arden and she just died later."

"It's possible," Kelwyn said, then paused for a moment. "Either way, I highly doubt he's coming back. Not after two of our own fell under his watch. Would you come back if you were him?"

Celestia frowned. That seemed like such an obvious question to her. Strategically, it was better to be apart of the Careers than to not. If the deaths weren't her fault, of course she would come back. Why the hell wouldn't you come back? "Um…" she didn't want to sound foolish, so she refrained from answering.

"I sure wouldn't. They wouldn't believe anything I said, even if it was the truth."

Celestia did not understand.

"Think of it like this. For the two Careers who are still teamed up, would it not be more advantageous of them to exile the third? After all, they would easily overpower him if he fought back. Getting rid of him would be one more threat eliminated."

Aha. Celestia hadn't thought to imagine it from the other side, but that made sense to her. She gave Kelwyn a nod. "I suppose you're right."

"I doubt we will see Remus again," Kelwyn said quietly. "Unless it is up in the sky."

Celestia felt reassured by that. As sure as she was that her skill was superior to the swordsman, she would far rather not put that to the test if she didn't have to.

"Well, I suppose that means that we have to take the initiative."

Kelwyn looked over at her, his face impossible for her to read, like a foreign language. Even when he seemed happy, he didn't look happy. She could never tell. He just always looked sad. Perhaps that was just how Kelwyn was. "I agree," he said.

Celestia sighed, disappointed at knowing her future was now full of apples. Quite unfortunate. The worst part was the fact that they were going to have to carry the three bags of apples with them.

Good thing strength is one of your attractive qualities, she thought to herself.

Their packing was interrupted by the floor by Kelwyn opening up, and a metal cannister rising out of it. It was the first he'd been sponsored since the beginning of the Games. It was a big shock that even Celestia was sponsored before Kelwyn, considering how well he garnered up the support of the Capitol. Perhaps they didn't believe he needed anything until now.

Either way, Celestia was teeming with curiosity as to what he was sent (an engagement ring was more likely of a possibility than Kelwyn thought). He opened the cannister and Celestia was immediately flooded with relief. He held up the bags of food: Nuts, Jerky, Crackers, Not Apples…. There were five of a decent size. Kelwyn smiled, but somehow still managed to look sad. It was just so strange.

"Eleven days in, I imagine that's quite expensive," Celestia commented, hoping to maybe get him to seem happy.

"I guess." If anything, he acted less happy. "Well, that bodes well for us then."

"Indeed it does."

"Well, lunch should be better than breakfast then," he said. "Let's see if we can't find anything else down here before we venture on."

Celestia's heart started to beat just a little bit faster at the thought of being involved in the action again, after she'd lost so desperately last time…

Determination. That's part of myself.

She wasn't going to give up that easily.

~.~.

-Cerulean Elpharae, 16, District 7-

It was like a dream. They were just starting to get somewhere: Ceru could sense that there was another tribute or two in the area at that point: and they were getting ready to go. Suddenly, though, their supplies were snatched up by navy claws. Including all of their food and half of their water supply… The message was surrounded by stars, and told them that something: no, someone: eliminated half of their supplies.

If Ceru hadn't been awake to see it, he would have been sure it was only a nightmare. Even when it was over, he pinched himself, convinced he was dreaming…

Owen and Lonan were still talking about it, their faces animated with frustration and exhaustion. At that point, Ceru had given up on figuring out what they were saying: they rebounded back and forth so quickly, and were turning their faces, pacing, and not looking at Ceru. As if they knew there wasn't a single chance he could hear them. Perhaps if he were just as fired up as them, he would have wanted to be involved in this little piss party they were having. He was annoyed for sure, but ultimately Ceru figured that it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. Ten full days had passed, and the field had only just recently been cut in half. Any time they were determined to do something, the Arena kept them from doing so: either by losing control of the elevators, getting locked in the Get Along Cage, or some other wacky bullshit like this. They were all tired, they were all frustrated, and they all wanted to get home. If presented with the chance to sabotage, why the hell wouldn't they? Ceru knew that he would.

But at this point, there was simply no point in trying to reason with his allies. Owen, possibly. He mostly just seemed to be functioning off of Lonan's anger, nodding in agreement when he wasn't talking. Lonan, at this point, was inconsolable. It was obvious to Ceru that he was so desperate about getting home, and this sparked something in him that had been left dull. He always seemed so calm and patient, but now this was war.

Ceru understood. He was damn sick of sitting here, pacing, trying to understand allies that didn't understand him. Not that he was privy on betraying them any time soon: at this point, there was power in numbers, and they all knew it.

It hadn't taken the others long to narrow down who it could have been: Ceru was at least able to read that much. After all, Owen was blue, and Ceru was purple. Ceru knew that his District partner was lavender, and Rammie was dead. That left District Six. Between them, the boys couldn't put together which District Six tribute it was, but at that point did it really matter? Both of them had to die for Ceru to go home, and at that point he was ashamed to say that he would pull a lever and strike them all dead if it meant he wouldn't have to be here anymore. Maybe he wasn't ashamed to say it. At this point, he was sure there were ten other people that would do the same thing. If someone said they wouldn't, it was just that: they would say it, because they didn't understand what it was like to be in such a high-stress situation for ten fucking days. They can pretend they wouldn't get that desperate, as Ceru had done once, but it was only pretend. At this point, Ceru would kill each one if it meant he would be able to sleep in his own bed.

Owen caught his eye, and Ceru subconsciously drew back. He was so suddenly talking quite a big game… But could he actually overpower tributes like Owen and Lonan? Unlikely. Otherwise he probably would have tried.

He could understand why people tended to drop off of the deep end at a certain point. As frustrating as it was to watch them break like that, they couldn't help it. There came a time for them when they couldn't cope with the stress of being here anymore. Ceru reached that point. Lonan was toppling over the edge. Owen had a calm persona about him, but Ceru couldn't help thinking that it was all a façade. And facades didn't last forever, especially not in a place like this.

It was sad, they'd had some really nice times together. Ceru especially felt that way towards Lonan. They had met and bonded quickly, Ceru knew his life story, and what he had to go back to. He didn't have nearly as much of Owen's baggage, but he had enough. The thought of the people that he'd spent eleven straight days with cold and dead was more than a little unsettling, but as long as Ceru was alive, that was what mattered. Someday, this would all blow over, and Ceru would come out on the other side… Right?

That was what he had to keep on telling himself.

Ceru stretched and popped his knuckles. When the others looked over, he felt a faint blush spread on his face. He'd forgotten that cracking his knuckles made a sound too.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. Owen swatted his hand in the air to tell Ceru, no worries. Lonan said something, but Ceru was looking at Owen so he didn't catch it. The frustration boiled up into Ceru's throat, but he swallowed it back down. Now was not the time or place to lose his cool. But every time it happened, the frustration grew just a little hotter. But he was no match for either of them like this.

Lonan looked like he was going to talk again, but the other two boys both jumped a little and glanced at a spot on the floor. When Ceru looked, the sponsor cannister was already coming up, with a stripe of cyan at the top to show who it was for.

Ceru crawled just a touch closer to see what was inside. Owen pulled a bright cyan coin from the cannister with a note attached. He read it, his brows furrowing in confusion as he showed it to Ceru.

This cost a kidney and you're lucky I have two kidneys, kiddo. No signature.

Ceru glanced at the token, and just noticed the star that was engraved into it. The others were already talking too fast for Ceru to interject or read their lips, so he just sighed and didn't say anything. They already seemed to have noticed it. Part of Ceru hoped that they didn't, and not listening to him would bite them in the ass…

He unclenched his fists, unaware how they'd even gotten to that position in the first place.

"We're going," Lonan told him, as Owen was already collecting bags. Ceru picked up his share, and his stomach rumbled. They both looked over. Wait, did that make a noise too!? Oh geez. After a second, Lonan took off at a speedy pace, Owen and Ceru falling in behind him. They made their way across the room, surrounded by glossy wooden tables accented with gold that all looked exactly the same. Ceru's heart was pumping and his legs felt slightly weak from not eating in a day, but he kept up. At that point, if he fell behind, he was being left behind. He just had a feeling. The anger at that thought made him run faster, perhaps out of spite. They weren't going to get rid of him that easily.

They kept going, slowing to a light jog after a while and then to a power walk. The thermos was passed around, but nobody was talking. At least to Ceru's knowledge.

They only stopped when the shimmering wheel came into sight, faithfully decorated with the shape that was on the coin. Ceru watched as the others "oohed" and "aahed" at it, his eyes going to the various options on the wheel.

No wonder it cost a kidney, he thought. And his second thought was, why does Owen get a token and I don't? Dangerous thinking, but he was too exhausted to try and control it at that point.

Owen put the coin in the slot and the wheel shot to life. Ceru's heart beat with anticipation and nerves: fear that someone was going to know it was them just as they knew.

"Steal all food!" Ceru didn't notice he said it out loud until the others looked at him, but this time their faces looked far less angry.

"Who to choose?" Lonan milled.

"I… Don't know." Owen suddenly looked nervous. "I didn't want to choose…"

"Well, we can give navy a taste of their own medicine… Or - the Careers."

"I don't know…" Owen was frowning.

"It's your choice," Ceru piped in.

Owen took a deep breath and then notched the wheel over… Over… Over…

The wheel flashed with the colors of the unfortunate.

Bright red and neon green.

~.~.

-Camellia Gallen, 18, District 7-

She had an endless shiver by this point. Not necessarily because of being cold, but out of pure adrenaline and fear. It had been far too long without anything bad happening to them, and she knew it. The three of them probably looked like zombies together, so incredibly exhausted, nothing but jerky and spite keeping them kicking.

That's why I would be a great addition to Out of Spite, she thought to herself. But at the same time, she knew that they couldn't be rushed up there. Hopefully they have a plan, and are putting it into action one step at a time. She knew that Wolf wouldn't let her down: and in the tiny chance that he would, Malloy certainly wouldn't let him. Even so, the fact that they weren't allowed to know anything was making Camellia more than a little bit nervous. For all she knew, the country could be at war already, after what Numitor pulled. For all she knew, her home could be totally destroyed.

She shook her head, looking at the picture of Oliver that Helen had sent her. It gave Camellia joy to look at because of the reassurance that they had a plan, and also because of how fucking dumb Malloy looked with lavender hair. It did him no favors, that was for sure, especially not with his already goofy-looking blue skin.

She took a deep breath, her heart jumping into action as she had probably forgotten to breathe for a moment there. She was just so damn nervous. And the more she tried to bury it, the less it actually worked. It had been eleven days since she'd seen the sun. She was sure that all of the other tributes were bitching about eleven days too at this point. Almost as if it were thematic.

For once, they were all silent as they ate dinner. It seemed that Elliot was out of stories about the weird people he met while partying all the time, Jace was out of spooky ghost stories about the Screaming Shack back home, and Camellia was certainly out of any interesting stories at all. Not that she had too many to begin with. She had the story of how Malloy asked her to homecoming, but she couldn't tell that because she was worried she wouldn't act sad enough and people would be suspicious. Before Syca died, her life was just about as normal as any other teenage girl's. Now, it couldn't be less normal.

"Did I tell you about my great grandfather?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"I don't think so," Elliot said, trying to give her an encouraging smile even though he stunk like BO and jerky with just a hint of apple.

"Oh. Well, he was a lawyer."

"Like, a legit one?"

"Well, not really. I mean, he didn't leave the District or anything. But his studies were actually funded by a Victor."

"No way! Which one?" Jace asked.

Camellia's mind suddenly went completely fuzzy, she couldn't even picture a face. That never happened, so that was really weird, it was like a mind-block had been installed, blurring any memory of that Games in particular. But why?

"I can't remember. But he had a passion for putting bad guys in jail, and whoever it was admired that about him I guess. He was a pretty cheap lawyer, and he was passionate, so he got a lot of bad people in jail after that. I don't know much more than that, though, except for a picture from the newspaper that my family keeps in a scrapbook."

"That's interesting. It's cool that people have such different passions," Elliot said. "What's your passion Camellia?"

The question was somewhat startling. Well, ever since Syca died, she really didn't have much of a hobby… She had been depressed for so long… She knew what she was passionate about though. She was passionate for justice. Perhaps in a different way than her great grandfather, but all the same, justice, rightness. She felt like that might not be the smartest answer, so she picked the second best thing.

"I'm passionate about my family. Chosen and blood."

She glanced at the two boys in front of her, and knew that they were included in the group. She didn't tell them that though. They would think she was being ridiculous if they knew.

"Would you agree Jace?" Elliot asked.

"Definitely," he said, without any hesitation. "Otherwise, I wouldn't be fighting."

"I guess that makes my passion for music and fame seem really silly," he said quietly.

Camellia put a hand on his shoulder. "Put that nonsense somewhere else. You deserve to have a dream, and chase it. Doesn't seem like the people back home are very supportive of that. And that's their loss."

Elliot gave her a small smile. "Thanks." He didn't sound convinced, but Camellia doubted she'd be able to convince him so she let it go.

The room began to darken, so the allies packed up their food ration and put it away. Chef's special, as Jace would call it, would have to do for the next few days. She couldn't believe it was already time to start getting ready to sleep. She knew that was one thing she wasn't ready for.

Her plans changed quickly when the trio heard the sound of the diamond door in front of them sliding open.

Camellia barely had time to process what was happening as the three male figures burst out of the door and charged straight at them. Elliot was stammering, Jace was yelling, asking what was happening, and Camellia knew that she had to step up.

"It's three of them, we can't take them, we have to get moving." She made the decision, helping Jace up to his feet and starting to run. She could hear the thundering footsteps and ragged breathing as they approached.

"Take Jace!" she told Elliot, who grabbed his arm as Camellia searched through the bag she'd picked up…

The footsteps were getting closer and closer… Up ahead, she heard a soft thud, and almost tripped on Elliot herself. She helped him up, but before they could keep going, she heard the sick wet noise of weapon striking flesh.

Elliot yelled, and Camellia was stopped from getting vengeance on Lonan by her own District partner, who was right behind him. All she had to do was grab the warhammer…

But she couldn't. Something about Cerulean's face stopped her from doing it. The third was nowhere in sight, but she had to think quickly.

"Let's go!" she shouted, as she activated the smoke bombs and threw them at the two boys. Lonan was in pursuit of Jace when the bomb hit in right in the balls and he groaned and crouched over. Camellia wanted to do so much more to him, but she could still hear Elliot's panicked cries, and she knew that she couldn't leave her family behind. There would be plenty of time later to give Lonan what he deserved. For now, her focus was on her boys.

She and Jace were able to get Elliot up together, and the three of them ran away, Elliot hobbling and leaning heavily against Camellia's side. He smelled like blood, and Camellia had a terrible feeling in her gut. She wouldn't stop, though. They kept on moving, Elliot whimpering with each step, but still alive.

Finally, when they were a safe distance away and saw the walls of smoke that were still enveloping the other trio, Camellia said, "Stop here."

She and Jace carefully laid Elliot down, and she started to search for something, anything she could do to help him… Jace sat with Elliot, held his hand, and talked quietly to him.

Tears prickled at Camellia's eyes upon realizing she had absolutely nothing she could use to help him…

Defeated, she crawled back over to the boys.

"No first aid," Elliot said. It looked like there was a black hole in his side from the dark blood that was pouring out of the wound.

"I'm not going to give up," she said. She never gave up. She never- he grabbed her wrist.

"It's not giving up if I tell you to do it," he said quietly. "It's okay."

A tear rolled down Camellia's face. "No," she said quietly. "No, it's not okay."

"You're right," he said quietly. "I don't really have much waiting back home for me. All of this time I was wrapped up in this dream to be famous… But that's not my dream anymore. My dream now is for you both to achieve yours." Camellia shook her head. "My dream was selfish all along. Truth is, I didn't have family worth living for. But now, I found a family worth dying for."

Camellia shook her head. "No…"

"Just… Maake sure Jill is okay," he said quietly. "She alone is worth living for. I'm sorry I couldn't, Jill."

"It can't end like this," Jace said. "It can't!"

"I don't think I have a choice." Elliot said, letting out a groan of pain. "I'm slipping away." He shut his eyes tightly, and Camellia's breath came short at the fear that he must have been feeling. She could see it on his face. "Promise you'll fight for your families."

"You are my family Elliot," Camellia said quietly, squeezing his hands, and Jace just barely forced out a, "Mine too."

Elliot's face became much calmer, more content, and a smile pressed at the corners of his lips. They fell into a terrible silence… She couldn't let it be silent anymore.

So she sang. It was the only way to send him off.

"What can you see, on the horizon? Why do the white gulls call? Across the sea, a pale moon rises…. The ships have come to carry you home…"

She paused to let out a pained sob, which was interrupted by a cannon. Tears rolled down her cheeks as a hovercraft burst through the ceiling, the claw coming down…

"Wait, no!" Jace shouted. "It's not his! Leave him alone!"

"It's over Jace," Camellia said quietly, as the claw lowered.

"No!" he shouted through tears. "It's not his! He's still breathing! It's not his!"

Camellia's tears dried up in her eyes right away. Wait a minute. She had to stay calm…

"Jace, it's over," she said. He didn't have much time, if Jace was right! Her heart was pounding as Jace laid over Elliot's body. "It's over!" her hands started to shake as Jace didn't move. Camellia didn't know what to do. He was protecting a member of his pack… But he didn't know. "You're just imagining things Jace," Camellia said. She saw color start to drain from Elliot's face and knew that she had to act quickly. "It's time to go!"

"I'm not leaving him-" Jace was interrupted by a firm crack as Camellia hit him over the head with the confetti cannon. His body went slack and Camellia wasted no time in hurriedly throwing him off of Elliot's body, allowing the claw to take him away. Camellia's legs shook as she stepped back and realized what she'd done… Jace's head had a bloody patch that was spilling out onto the carpet. His face was still contorted with betrayal at being hit by someone he trusted…

Camellia couldn't lie to him. But she couldn't tell him the truth.

The tears continued to pour out of her eyes as she backed away from Jace's unconscious figure, knowing that she did the one thing she said she never would… But she had to…

He wouldn't understand. He was smart enough to not believe her made-up stories or lies. Camellia knew what everyone was thinking, but she didn't know what else to do…

Her whole body shook as she stepped back, back further, and back again… Camellia stepped back until she was running, as fast as her feet would take her, away from that horrible sight, the sight of what she'd caused… Tears stung her skin like daggers as they ran down her cheeks. She pushed the spades door open and stumbled out of it, barely able to see because of the darkness and her tears. She stumbled up and down the winding staircases, hiccupping and sobbing as she went, just trying to hold it together after what she'd done…

I'm so sorry Jo. I'm so sorry Mom and Dad. She looked like a hypocrite… She certainly felt like one. She wasn't even thinking…

She was alone.

She stumbled out of the first door she could find and was just in time for the nightly ceremony of deaths.

Elliot's face smiled down at her, and Camellia hung her head in shame. She could only hope she'd done the right thing. Jace wouldn't understand now, but hopefully he would later.

This isn't the last goodbye, she thought, as his face disappeared. Tears dripped onto the floor at the thought that she'd already let him down. She would just have to have faith in Wolf and Lux.

Hopefully they wouldn't let her down.

~.~.

A/N: Gahhh this was rough and I'm hungry for dinner and also crying and this is fine, everything is fine. Have some quarantine angst that nobody is prepared for, including me. Hope you are all doing well and being safe during this crisis by the way. And I'm sorry for all the tears that this chapter will cause. (Ok, only a little sorry.)

By the way, couldn't believe in the luck of the spins this chapter, like geez. That's outrageous.

CQ: Did Camellia make the right decision?

Eulogies:

12th place: Elliot Russo, District 6- Stabbed by Lonan Fodor, D10

This was a tremendously hard decision to make, and I was totally not ready for it to come up this soon. Nonetheless, I wanted to do Elliot good on his way out. He was such a fun character to write, I related to him incredibly deeply, and I just didn't know how I was possibly going to have to decide which of your two should go first Lauren, but this was ultimately what I landed on. He was the most valid boy and I'm having trouble putting words together that describe how much fun bringing him to life has been. He's leaving behind his dreams, but ultimately hoping that his friends can live theirs, which is a fitting end for him. He will be greatly missed in and out of verse. Thanks for sending in this absolute angst machine and I hope I did well by him. And as always, thanks for your support and friendship over the years as well! Enjoy this Grade A Angst that you've caused Lauren.

See you all sometime eventually for the next update!