Author's Notes: I didn't finish this chapter in time, hence why it's two weeks late. Been struggling with issues IRL and for the first two weeks between updates, I didn't write a single thing for this chapter. Just don't have the energy.
I know this was a holiday chapter, but considering the tone of the chapter(s) and how our protagonist has changed over the years… I definitely struggled with this chapter in how different it was from the original Histcaymas chapter. Also, for those of you following Round Robin, you'll notice I had to write a few pretty heavy-hitting chapters in a row with some emotionally charged scenes (and for those who only know Awakening, I had to write the scene with Emmeryn on the cliff) and that kinda really sapped my energy. It's really annoying how things are lining up between the two stories. Two mega battles happened in both stories at the same time. Now mega heavy chapters are hitting back to back to back between both. Hopefully things clear up soon in one of the stories and lighter moods are achieved.
Bouncing between the two was a lot easier when this was going through some dark moments and that story had light moments. It was a breath of fresh air to switch moods.
Also, did my taxes… and boy, did I owe. So, that put me in a real mood for the week.
I thought I would get through everything I wanted to address in the Histcaymas setting in one go. Have one chapter before I moved on to the next plot point, but… nope… apparently my verbose butt wants to have long conversations that flesh out people's thoughts. So, uh, yeah… this might go on for a bit. I promise this whole thing isn't filler. Well, I mean, there's no real way to prove it, because it's not like there's a manga that has an actual storyline for me to follow. But anyway… these arcs are developing something and these conversations are necessary. If not for a plot point, then for actually developing these characters.
I have specific plot points/events I wanted to address in this Histcaymas celebration and whether it takes one… two… three chapters, that's how long it'll take. I would rather write things properly than rush them for the sake of "getting on with it". It would be a disservice to you all if I started hastily chopping scenes up and butchering them to fit some kind of artificial timeline (although technically I am on a time limit I set in my head). Still, for as long as some of you have been reading, you deserve nothing but the best effort I can give.
With a bonus in a somewhat regular update schedule now!
Chapter 158
A Day We Will Never Forget
It was the first day of the Histcaymas celebration and I emerged from the medical tent with Selena. We were both fully recovered from our injuries and both were ready to participate in this camp celebration of the holiday season.
Or, at least Selena was. I still had some business to tend to before I could really truly celebrate this peace the two nations have temporarily fostered…
"John, I see that look in your eyes," Selena said.
"Selena, stop it," I replied with a frown.
"Take these next four days and relax," she insisted.
"I will relax when everything is settled. I will join you in these festivities once my business has concluded," I said. She sighed.
"Is this a list that will keep growing, or do you truly intend to rest if you finish soon enough," she asked.
"I will rest and relax with those who choose my company when I finish a few tasks I need to finish," I replied. She paused and thought about it.
"Very well. But, do try to finish those tasks in a timely manner. I think I speak for quite a few of us when I say you do need to rest and relax as well," she said.
"I plan on enjoying the peace I've been working for, trust me on that."
She nodded in reply and walked off in the direction of the Crimean camp, possibly to speak to Ike or work out some details with one of the Crimean leadership. During my time recovering, the two camps had moved to the same side of the bridge in an attempt to start this tenuous peace that had been asked of them.
As with the Histcaymas celebration of six years ago, I could see unease by the soldiers on both sides as they largely kept to themselves. In time… hopefully within the next four days… some level of understanding could be reached between both nations. It would warm my heart and soul to see them mingle with each other.
"Oh, you're discharged?" I heard Mist ask. I turned to her and smiled a little bit.
"Yes… yes I am," I replied.
"You were in a serious condition after that fight. The both of you were. Not many could have been able to save you without repercussions after how much of your energy you tapped into in that fight," Mist said.
"You helped Selena and I recover from a state where not many could have helped? Hah… look at you… achieving your dream. Thank you, though," I said. I started walking.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Just a bit outside camp… all this hustle and bustle of the holiday is a little overwhelming right now," I replied. She followed me as I walked slightly outside of camp and sat down on a nearby rock.
"John… I…" she began, but paused. I smiled slightly at her.
"We have come a long way since washing dishes in the fort six years ago," I said as I turned to the sky. "All I wanted was peace. All you wanted was to be the best so that you could save everyone's lives. We worked… endlessly. Tirelessly. Without fail. Without stopping. We trained every single day, harder than anyone did… harder than perhaps we should've. You didn't want to lose your brother. History of my homeland made me not want to see this land experience a war like the ones I read about. Here we are. Me… the one who somewhat has the power to say to these nations to have peace. You… the one who could save the lives many could not. We went down our own paths, Mist. We blazed our trails and, though the roads were dark and challenging… we succeeded."
"Are you proud of yourself?" she asked. I looked back at her.
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"Think of what you gave up… just as I think about what I gave up… to get to where we are, John. Think about what we had seen along the way. Think about the things we did along the way. Could you really look back at our teenaged selves, tell them the stories of what was done, and be proud of it? Would you, as a teenager, have approved of setting that canyon on fire? Would the you back then have cared?" she asked. I recoiled slightly at the question.
"He would have…" I said quietly.
"Then can you really consider yourself successful? Can you really say you achieved your dream?" she asked.
"… I did what was necessary, Mist. Look at that camp. Look at Crimea and Daein. For the next four days, it's not just one battalion celebrating with another. It is the might of Crimea celebrating with the might of Daein. Gallia is celebrating with Hatari as well! Tomorrow, Phoenicis and Kilvas joins us. The herons of Serenes are with us as well! This was the kind of peace the heroes of the previous generation wanted. This is what will bring in a golden age for the next generation," I said.
"At what cost? Most of Crimea almost see you as a war criminal. Most of Daein fear you as the second coming of Ashnard. The Crimean leadership fear your unchecked power. The Daein leadership are willingly ignorant of what you do. You have very little friends and allies left. You achieved your goal, but at what cost? What did you give up for that?" she asked. I thought about it as I motioned on the rock. Mist nodded and sat down next to me.
"I gave up… almost everything. I gave up my identity as a Crimean citizen. I gave up my identity as a Daein citizen. I gave up many of my alliances and friendships. But… I don't care for having a lot of those. You were there for me, Mist. You and Ike and Elincia… Micaiah and Selena and Nino… Noah and Jay. All of you were there for me in that dream sequence. In a world where everyone seemingly turned against me, the eight of you stood by my side and trusted me. You cared enough to fight in that dream sequence to rescue me from my amnesia. Scary to think Callie can just seal away my memories like that, though…" I said, musing to myself.
"It is a precaution to prevent someone from hurting themselves."
Still…
"I'm not sure I agree with you forgiving her. She had the right intention, but she could have hurt you… or worse, took you away from us permanently," Mist said.
"That's a choice I will have to live with," I replied.
"… John, we didn't plan on showing up in that area. We were drawn there… whether by design or by destiny, we were drawn there. We fought because we cared about you. The few of us still do care about you. That's why when you went down the road you did, it scared us. We never would have expected you to do something as desperate as setting that valley on fire. It scared us. You scared us. But… we thought about it and talked it over… and realized just how much you had been suffering. Not everyone believes you killed those diplomats. Not everyone believes you enjoyed setting that valley on fire. Not everyone believes you willingly betrayed us becoming part of Daein leadership. How you are portrayed and what you did are two separate things, John… and that's an idea that most people cannot grasp."
"Mist… I… thank you," I said as I held out a hand tentatively, but put it back down. She smiled slightly, understanding the intention. She pulled me into an embrace and I hugged her back.
"… just like the old times," I said.
"Just like the old times," she acknowledged.
"Talking about the future as we washed dishes together."
"I, the mighty cleric… and you, the great peacemaker… we did it."
"We made our dreams a reality, Mist. Thank you…"
"For what?" she asked. I let go of our embrace and looked her in the eye.
"When I was nervous about being here, you opened up to me. You talked with me when I didn't know who to talk to. You… were my first friend here. I wish we never fell out of touch after the Crimean Revolution," I said.
"When you settled in Begnion, I didn't know how to feel about that. I wanted to write you and ask if you were okay, but I thought… that if you settled there, then that means you had no intention of ever coming back," Mist said. "I thought you had forgotten about us. Then you went to Daein and became a general and... I didn't know what to think of that."
"It's… it's fine now, Mist. I'm sorry. I should have kept in touch. I should have sent all of you there a message. That was my immaturity and my blindness, trying to push for the future that drove me to keep looking forward and never look back. I wanted to forget Jill. I wanted to forget that whole thing. Somehow, in those three years, I lost sight of who I was and I forgot about how my friends were there for me. I won't make that mistake again. Starting with you, Mist," I said to her with a smile. She looked away and down at the ground.
"That means a lot," she replied. "Thank you. Thank you for being you and not changing. After all these years, you really are the same person."
"… and behind that fearsome sword fighter you've become, you're still the ambitious cleric I met all those years ago. How are you even able to balance training the sword with the staff?" I asked.
"Rolf has secretly been doing double duty on occasion, so I have extra time to train," she replied. "I want to save people, but… above all… I want to save my brother. I want to fight his battles with him. If he's hurt, I want to help heal him. If he's struggling, I want to take my sword and fight alongside him. John… he's my last family. My mother died before I could remember. You know what happened to our father. If Ike goes too… if there's some curse on my family… I don't know what I would do," she said.
"Nothing will happen to Ike, Mist… and nothing will happen to you. General Gawain lived a life of secrecy. I… I understand all too well what he went through and the burden he bore. I did the same thing he did. I made the same mistakes he did. But I lived… and I understand… and I will do my best to ensure his children succeed where he did not," I said. Mist looked at me, an unreadable expression on her face. I… couldn't tell what she was thinking? What's going on? How can I not read her?
"You look… confused?" she asked.
"For the first time in a long time, I cannot read someone. Usually… I can read people's emotions by their actions, their voice, their words… but in this moment, I have no idea what you're thinking. That unknown… it scares me a bit, but at the same time, I feel comfort knowing that I trust you enough to know that even if I cannot read you, I know you have nothing but the best intentions. Goodness… I've turned into Micaiah," I said with a small laugh.
"Thank you… for trusting me," she replied. I looked over and saw Elincia walking over. What's she doing out here?
"Oh, there you are," she said. Mist nodded and got off the rock.
"I should be heading back to camp before Ike starts wondering where I went to," Mist said.
"Thanks for the talk, Mist. I… really appreciate it," I said to her.
"Thanks for keeping me company," she replied back with a warm smile. I nodded and she started walking back to camp.
"Seeing you two sitting on a rock outside of camp really does bring back memories," Elincia said as she walked over.
"Really? How so?" I asked.
"You two always shared snacks outside of camp on whatever you could find. You and her and Miss Fizzart used to spend much time together…"
"Jill and Mist were two best friends in this camp together. Just two young girls somehow getting dragged into the horrific affair of war," I replied. "We did what we could to maintain our semblance of humanity in such trying times."
"It was a shock when Lady Mist suggested we have our female-only meetings," Elincia said.
"I oftentimes wondered whose idea that was initially," I said. "Weird to think that was Mist's idea."
"It really just expanded from her and Miss Fizzart talking all the time, since they were close in age. I guess they were intimidated at first from talking to me, since I was the princess, and you and Karla were already close," Elincia said.
"What does me and Karla have to do with anything?" I asked.
"… for being an information general, you seem to have a glaring hole in a certain aspect of your information gathering. Miss Fizzart was interested in you, even back then," Elincia pointed out.
"Wait, what?"
"Hey, look, we don't need to be talking about secrets here."
"Good morning, Miss Fizzart," Elincia said aloud.
"If we're going around talking about secrets and hesitation, shall I tell him the true reason about why I hesitated for so long? Or shall I, out of respect to you, keep that a secret?"
"N-no, that will not be necessary," Elincia said quickly.
"Oh? Now I'm curious. I always wanted to sit and spy on one of those meetings," I said.
"I'm sure we might not have allowed Sophia Domivere to sit in," Elincia replied with a small smile. I frowned at her.
"So, Jay, tell me. If you were interested for that long, why did you not say something sooner?" I asked.
"Goodness, John, you really are impossible with women. First of all, I was a soldier. I was trained to fight, not love. Stuff of that nature… seemed so foreign to me. Second of all, it was because someone else had expressed an interest as well and I felt… I had no chance compared to that person."
"Huh… oh! So that's what Selena once meant when she said I was oblivious," I said.
"She was like a mother to all of us," Elincia said. "She always gave us advice. The wisest and most intelligent of us all."
"She… is indeed someone we never fully appreciated in our younger years. A resource we could have relied upon, but chose not to in our immature stubbornness," I said, thinking about the conversation Selena and I had. "So, who was the one that made you hesitate, Jay?"
"Hmm, I don't think I should say. It should be blatantly obvious anyway."
"Well, I mean, there were many females back then, so… I don't think it was. I mean, it wasn't Titania, was it?" I asked.
"Goodness, no. Why her?" Elincia asked. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat.
"Don't tell me you were interested in her…"
"It would seem you have a penchant for red-heads," Elincia commented off-handedly.
"You're not a red-head," I said to her with a pout. Elincia blushed slightly and frowned at me.
"My lord John, that is not the topic at hand. Miss Fizzart, we knew about, but Lady Titania?" Elincia asked.
"It was ONE date!" I said vehemently. "We kissed ONCE."
"… what? That was something that was never brought up! Juicy tidbit!"
"You weren't watching me during that time? You even contacted me during that date!"
"Yes, but you were dating Karla at the—wait…"
"It was a mock date. She wanted to figure out the problems between Karla and I," I said with a shrug. "… and she challenged me saying I wouldn't be able to do anything to surprise her, so I did. It was an impulse."
"You're a terrible person."
"I was young and stupid. Yes. I get it. Now I'm just stupid," I replied with a small laugh. I saw Elincia wasn't laughing with me.
"John, can we talk about something?" Elincia asked in a serious tone. I nodded and looked upward.
"Oh, you don't even have to ask. I'll… make myself busy somewhere else. Maybe grade some papers."
I felt Jay's presence leave us and looked to her.
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked.
"How are you feeling?" Elincia asked.
"What kind of question is that? I feel a little stiff, but I'm fine overall," I replied. She shook her head.
"I am referring to what happened between us and… the feelings we shared," she said. Oh, we're doing this today? I sighed to myself.
"Elincia, that… that was almost two years ago," I said to her with a frown. "You're married. Why do you have to bring that up?"
"That didn't cross your mind? Not in the slightest? Not during that whole time when we faced each other in the arena did anything you felt cross your mind? I know you hesitated landing a finishing blow."
"Yes, I did hesitate. As did you when I came in for the next blow. I am not a foolish enough to believe you didn't throw that match and potentially throw away the fate of Crimea."
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Elincia replied, not making eye contact.
"Very well, if you insist. Either way, I couldn't take the life of a friend, Elincia. Look, what happened in the past is in the past. You have a husband who cares about you deeply. Even with all that has been going on, I'm sure a part of him still cares about you and wants what's best for everyone. I… plan on getting to the bottom of that," I said.
"Is there no hope?" she asked. I could hear it in her voice. The longing to escape the situation she was in. What the senate did to her was cruel, taking away what she longed for and yearned in their bitter bid to spite the person who removed them from power.
"You ask this of a man whose purpose is to kill hope," I replied. "We are in a war right now. Yes, there's peace, but… why are you…"
"I never gave up hope. I never gave up the hope that one day things would right themselves," she said firmly. She was staring me in the eye, almost as if trying to drill into my soul with her piercing gaze. As much as I wanted to break it and not give her access… I felt such a weakness would only serve to make the situation worse. Stand strong…
"Elincia, you're better off fixing what you have currently. The grass isn't greener on the other side. You would give up someone who cares about you for… this? For me?" I asked.
"You know as well as I do that marriage was arranged. I never wanted to marry Geoffrey. We share a bond as childhood friends, but nothing more. I wanted to spend my life with who I wished to spend my life with… who I had chosen to spend my life with. You know this. Nobody has treated me the way you have. Nobody sees me as a person. Everyone sees me as the queen. The ruler. The leader. I just want to feel like a person. My own husband makes me feel uncomfortable around him with how much he glorifies me. You make me feel that special kind of way… like I am an actual person and not some title or position or royalty," she said. I sighed to myself.
"That's what a friend does, Elincia. I am your friend. I want to stay being your friend. I see you as a person and I respect you as a person. That's what people should do. It's not that I'm special… it's that everyone else refuses to see things that way. You are a human with wants and needs, strengths and flaws. You sometimes snort when I make you laugh too hard, you're extremely ticklish when you're poked on your left side but not your right side, you fight hard for what you believe in, and you never give up on your dreams… but you also don't know when your dreams cannot be a reality," I said.
"Are you implying this dream cannot be a reality?" she asked.
"I am merely saying the pursuit of such a dream is foolish when there are better courses of action," I said with a frown.
"Who are you to tell me what is a better course of action for me!" she said angrily, standing up but never breaking eye contact.
"I… I'm sorry, that was careless of me to say. I just… don't think I'm the right person for you… for anyone," I said, finally dropping my gaze.
"Do… you not care? Do you not feel the same anymore?" she asked.
"I never claimed anything of the sort. However, I am too consumed by the need to clear my name and take swift retribution upon the person who besmirched it in the first place to think of anything else," I said. She sighed to herself before sitting back down on the rock. She was staring at the ground as she sat in pensive silence for a minute or two.
"It would have been easier for me to quell these feelings if you had rejected the proposition outright," she finally said. "For one who claims to kill hope, you seem to be doing a terrible job of killing that one."
"I'm… sorry," I said with a sigh. "The fates dealt a crippling blow to us, Elincia. Perhaps we were not meant to work out in this life. Perhaps we are destined in another life… perhaps then it might work out. Perhaps sometime in the future, our descendants would achieve what we did not. Is that not our goal? To leave this world as a place better than the one we entered?"
"Descendants…?" she asked.
"Your descendants and mine. Perhaps they will take a torch that we have each lit. The burning passion to push for peace. The flames that fuel our desire to know love. Perhaps they will one day meet each other and picked up where we left off, both in terms of bringing peace to this continent and… in finding themselves with the one they want to be with. Perhaps our fate is to start that ball rolling," I said.
"… you really are a hopeless romantic, goodness. I thought I was one, until I met you," she said with a small, bitter laugh. "I am afraid I do not even know how to take this kind of rejection… if it even is one."
"It, like everything in life, is not an absolute. That's the beauty of life, Elincia. Nothing is absolute and nothing is set in stone. Every day brings new possibilities and new goals and new dreams. That's why I say to you to not stay hung up on that goal and dream. Make new ones. Strive to be a better person tomorrow than you are today. If the stars align and somehow things work between us, then they do. Fate has a funny way of working. Unfortunately, it decided to tear us apart when we were younger and in love," I said. She gave me a startled expression and I immediately knew I said something wrong.
"Love?" she asked, her brows furled in confusion.
"… you didn't feel the same?" I asked. I sighed and rolled my eyes before laying back on the rock and started staring at the sky. "Of course, I presumed too much. The stupid information general couldn't even understand his feelings were not reciprocated to the same degree. Just… forget I said that."
"No, it is simply… I mean, I did not… I…" she stuttered.
"… for once, you lack something to say. Have you ever realized that, in your own way, you have a formal speech pattern and always have the right thing to say? Like Bastian, but without the excessive floweriness. That's something remarkable that I respect about you. It's… endearingly charming," I remarked with a smile.
"Comments like that do not help with what we just talked about and the rejection I have just went through. However, I… did feel the same way, if that clears anything," she timidly remarked. I sighed again...
"I'm sorry, Elincia. I fear that our former dynamic was also afflicted with motives and emotions beyond friendship. You ask at an inopportune time, and I fear you are not the only person who will be encroaching on such a sensitive subject in the next few days," I said.
"What do you mean?" she asked. I thought about the conversation I had before going to sleep in the tent yesterday.
"Everyone in this camp has their secrets," I merely replied. "They will be addressed in due time."
"The information general keeps his secrets close to his heart. Closer than anyone ever has gotten," Elincia said nonchalantly.
"That's not fair," I protested as I sat up. "You were… are… very dear to me, Elincia. I… don't know what I would do if you died."
"You would probably do the same thing I would if the roles were reversed," she replied.
"Then, let us pray to Ashera for the safety of the other and live our lives to ripe old ages," I said.
"Even if those two lives never intertwine and intersect the way one wants them to," Elincia commented.
"Elincia, we can't always get what we want. I wanted peace on this continent, but I never wanted to be public enemy number one to everyone. The things we have done have been truly magical…"
"Mages have little to do with what we have accomplished," Elincia replied. I groaned. What a time to have a cultural dissonance.
"Rephrasing. The things we do are extraordinary, but all miracles come at a price. I paid my price just as you are paying yours. Don't throw away what you have for a chance… for a risk. As I said and you confirmed, I'm everyone's enemy. You have a whole nation that loves and adores you. Don't throw that away for some foreigner who may not even be around much longer. Why go for the unknown when you're safe with what you know?" I asked.
"I do not wish to be safe, my lord John. I wish to be happy!" she said emphatically, standing up. I sat there, frozen in shock at this sudden change. "I am tired of making the safe choices, hiding behind others for any repercussions and blowback. If I lose my nation, then so be it! I may be a queen and a ruler, but I feel even more trapped than any other citizen of this nation. I would rather fail and fade to obscurity making my own decisions than to be successful off the actions and choices of others! Do you know what it is like to live a life where you never truly have any ownership of anything you do or say? King Geoffrey has his crown now, anyway. Crimea is safe in his hands! I want to be safe in yours."
I bit my lip as she finished what she was saying. The girl is stubborn, if nothing else.
"… fine, Elincia, have it your way and take your route, but we do this my way," I said. She gave me a confused look.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"As I said earlier, I have no room in my heart for love or anything of the like. I am on a mission and my singular, solitary focus is that mission. There is nothing more I care about now than to foster the peace between the nations participating in this celebration… and to overthrow the corruption in the Begnion Empire. When this continent knows peace, this can be brought up again. I cannot guarantee the answer I give you will be one you like, but it will be an honest answer that you can move forward on… with or without me," I said.
"… thank you," she said.
"For what?" I asked.
"For… giving me a goalpoint. For giving me a tangible way to achieve this goal," she said.
"… Elincia, that is not an automatic yes," I said with a frown. "I merely said I have no room for anything else right now. If things clear up between nations and I'm ready to settle down, but I do not feel the same as you do, then you understand what that means. I will not lie to you, Elincia."
"I do understand, but at least it is something, John. At least you gave me that. When I have my answer, whether yes or no, I will accept it and live with it."
"… is this really how you wanted to start your Histcaymas celebration?" I asked.
"Unburdening the heart and sorting through conflicting emotions, as well as giving me a goal I can set my sights on? I believe that is the best give you could have given me," she said quietly. She took a small step over and pulled me in a tentative embrace. "Thank you for being my friend. Even if things do not work out… the influence you had in making me a better person is still there. I would never have had half of the courage and wisdom I have now without all that you have done for me and all the support you have given. Thank you… for being there for me. Thank you for being my friend."
I pulled her into a proper embrace as I rested my head on her shoulder.
"… and thank you for not giving up on me. When it seemed I turned traitor, joining Daein, and planning war against you… thank you for still believing in me," I said quietly. "Please stay my friend, no matter what happens. With all the enemies I have made… I need all the friends I can trust."
"I will always be your friend. Even if we never work things out romantically, I will always be here for you. Our descendants will always be there for each other as well. Just like you said," she insisted.
"Let us and our families shine the light of truth and peace and continue to build upon the foundation we created. For Tellius."
"For Tellius," she replied quietly. We let go of our embrace and she wiped an eye.
"Shh, don't…" I said in a gentle tone.
"Merely dust in the air," Elincia said.
"… don't insult me like that. I'm not that bad of an information gatherer," I said with a small smile.
"… I guess I cannot simply get past the fact you were oblivious to Miss Fizzart and myself for all those years," she said.
"You?" I asked. "You're the one that kept her from asking?"
Elincia paused before saying something to herself. Whoa, Elincia, that's not queen-like language. Wait, I don't think I've ever heard her say anything of the like before. She paused for a second, looked at me, turned red, then turned away.
"I heard nothing," I said feebly. Obviously a lie. She turned back to me, staring me in the eye again.
"Yes, my lord John, information gatherer, in case you have not figured it out, I was the one who mentioned it at the meetings many years ago. I was the one who made her hesitant, but my inability to pursue my dreams drove her to take initiative," she said firmly, almost slightly sarcastically.
"For how long have you felt that way?" I asked.
"… it is impossible to pinpoint such a thing, but before we even talked during those patrol rounds in Duke Tanas' villa and I asked you to show me what the citizenry was like," she said.
I… feel stupid. I feel so stupid. This whole time… this whole time…
"Is that why you… asked me for those favors?" I asked. She nodded in response.
"I was a naïve teenager, John. Even more so, growing up sheltered from most other people…"
"Elincia, I… look… I'm sorry I didn't notice. It took four years and a near death experience for you to finally smash your feelings across my face because it was the only way I was going to get the message. If I had acted sooner… if I had seen it sooner… maybe things would have been different."
"Perhaps," she merely replied. I sighed to myself. I can't help but feel like her situation is partially my fault. What would things have been like had I realized it back then? Would things have worked out between us? Would I be wearing the crown right now?
… still, if I did, then I would never have gone to Daein to help out. I would never have been able to help with their revolution. I would never have been able to help build them into this nation that they've become. Micaiah did a big part of it, but she didn't do it alone. Everything in life has a reason and everything in life has a purpose.
Would Daein have been the same without my influence? I… wonder.
"I… I think I need to head back to camp. I have a lot to think about and a lot to do," I said.
"I will walk back as well," she said. I nodded. We walked back to camp and went our separate ways. She went to the mess tent; I had far more important business to tend to.
I walked up to one tent in particular and knocked on the flap.
"One moment. Who is it?"
"… just a simple citizen of Tellius with no allegiance to a nation, asking for an audience. I wish to speak to you on a delicate matter," I said.
"General John, you are no simple citizen of Tellius. I… would reject the audience, but my honor forbids me from doing so. You may enter."
I nodded and entered the tent to see the entourage of Lucia, Bastian, and Geoffrey in front of me. Each of them was looking at me with wildly different expressions. Geoffrey looked almost outraged that I would come visit him, Lucia looked surprised, and Bastian looked… almost hopeful. Still, considering and concerning the subject matter at hand, this… was not going to be an easy conversation.
I bit my lip and stepped forward. Now or never…
