Korra
Mama doesn't even come to a complete stop, before I open the door. "Korra, Baby. Please talk to me." Despite it being disrespectful, I ignore her words and head up to our porch. I wrestle with my bag to find the house key. And nearly trip over one of the twins' toys, entering my home. But once I collect myself, I head straight to my room.
I stare at the neatly arranged room, and start knocking things over in the process of packing my things. I've no idea where I'm going, or where I'll go. I just know, I can't be here right now. I hear my mama at the door, begging me to open up, but her voice just encourages me to pack quicker.
You should've saw her face, when the doctor told her what I already knew. The look of shock, could've been the newest billboard entering this poor of an excuse town. Reading, 'Crazy mother accused only daughter of being loose, only to be proven wrong. Take exit 21A for the greatest restaurant of the county. Welcome to town!'
With my bag in hand, I take this time to really think. Where would I go? I know I could probably stay with Sally, but everyone knows everyone here. It wouldn't be too long, until I would be found. Then what? Be dragged back home, to continue to live through more embarrassment?
I can't just runaway, this is no place to do so.
I set my bag down, and take a seat on my bed. Weighting my options, because I'm too smart not to do that. Sometimes I wish I could be the irrational type, but it's just not in my cards.
Accepting that I'm not happy here at this moment, I get up and open the door where I'm met with Mama. She has sympathy in her eyes as she blocks the door way. "Korra. You've to understand where I was coming from." She says.
"Oh. I know where you were coming from. You thought I was some trick girl. No need to clarify that."
"I didn't! I'm a mother, I've concerns. You won't understand until you've children of your own." I laugh at that statement.
"So you do want me to have kids now?"
"Korra, don't poke fun at my reasoning. Forgive me for my approach, but I'm not sorry for trying to get answers from you. I don't know what has gotten into you. You've gotten so secretive now."
"Me? This whole day was nothing but a secret. I genuinely thought we would have a nice day together. Something we both longed for. Now, I don't want to spend another second with you." Her disbelief of my words, is enough for me to slip pass her and head out the front door.
"You don't mean that." She says, storming out of the house after me. I turn to face her choked up words from the sidewalk, and say "What if I do?"
"Then you aren't the kind daughter I raised." She defends.
"I think I'm the perfect example of what you raised, I only want to focus on my wants right now. And I want to get away from you!"
Some nosey neighbors come out of their homes, and my mama feels the pressure, and quickly puts on a smile to waves at them.
"Of course, everything is an act with you."
"Hush, Korra." She says, through gritted teeth.
As much as I want to not care about her emotions, and put on a scene. I know I've wasted enough time as it is. So, I head off.
Just when I thought I made enough distance to breathe, I hear a voice I know too well. "Hey, where ya heading?"
"Now isn't the time,Sokka." I reply, as I continue my quest to my father's shop. It's not very close, but compared to the walk we had to take after missing the bus, distance isn't a problem for me anymore.
He finally catches up to me, and blocks my path, with a very concerned expression on his face."What's wrong? You look upset."
"Because I am, Sokka. And I don't want to talk about it. So, please get off my back! I swear you don't know when to leave me alone."
"Fine, Gurl. Be that way then.
As I proceed to head off again, I know I should feel guilty. And partially, I do. But I just want to be an environment that can distract me for a bit. My father's company always helps, and who knows? Maybe I can help him stock shelves or something?
I know he'll be very appreciative of that. He has said countless of times, he can't wait until the twins get older so they can help out. Honestly, I'm not sure if they would make a great fit in the work environment, but I know I can be of service today.
It would be nice to feel needed.
Asami
Maybe I should visit her? No, that's too obsessive. And she's the one that should be contacting me, I'm not the one that walked out on our project. Then again, I was the one that didn't do what I could to protect her. She tells me all the time, she doesn't want to be taken care of. Wasn't I doing what she wanted by playing my role? However, I've been spending the majority of my time proving to her, I'm not like the others. Not playing my role is something she should be used to by now. Yet, I was playing my role like the others in the café. And It wasn't because I wanted to, it was because I had no idea how to not. I didn't like that feeling nor the outcome of it. But, is how I feel really important right now? When all I can think about, is her?
As I give it more thought, a knock on my car window pulls me out of my head space. "Sorry. My family really wants you to come inside, so they can say hello." Suki says, before shoving her sleeping bag into my backseat.
I'm thrilled Suki and I get to have more time together, but speaking to her family wasn't what I was expecting. We both had a long day from driving from the race earlier. A rest was much needed.
I'm also not in a very social mood right now.
"Pleaseee." She says, flashing me her puppy dog hazel eyes.
I think about how disrespectful it would be if I declined, then open the car door.
If the toys scattered across their lawn wasn't enough evidence her parents have a lot of kids. The sound of screaming from the inside, does it too. Once inside, I find Baby Jack looking up from crawling on the floor. Strangely, I wave at him, before Suki scoops him up ,and yells at one of her siblings about not keeping an eye out for him. Sure, he could've left the house, but I think he'll have to be a little taller to open the door clamp.
I enter the kitchen where her parents are, and they're excited to see me. "Asamiii. You've gotten even more beautiful since we last saw you." Her mothers says, before bringing me into a hug and kiss on the cheek.
"Nice to see you again, Mia." I respond.
"You want to stay for dinner? We're making spaghetti ?" Her dad says in his attempt of an Italian accent. Before I can answer, Suki whines "Dadddd. I told you, I'm spending the night with Asami."
"Yes, but that doesn't mean you can't eat here. Look at your friend, she looks starved." He defends, like I'm not standing in the kitchen as well. Also, I'm not malnourished, it's just my loss in humanity that's making me look so.
"MOM! Tell Dad to he can't do that."
"Just relax, Sweetie. A meal before you leave won't hurt anyone." Her mother agrees.
I personally don't mind staying for dinner, everything smells delicious. And the drive has certainly stolen my appetite. I give my friend a small smile, to let her know I'm okay with the offer.
It'll help take my mind off things too.
All the little siblings start chanting and banging onto the kitchen table, as their mother brings out their supper. I can't stop finding Suki's annoyed look, comical.
I wouldn't mind having a huge family of my own, probably not as huge as this one. But something reasonable sounds fitting. I doubt you'll feel lonely all the time, and something exciting probably would happen often.
"Nancy! Stop scratching your arm at the table." Suki hisses.
"But it itches!" Her nine year old sister complains.
"Here. Use a knife to cut off your arm. No arm, no itchy." Bruce her twelve year old brother states, while handing the little girl a butter knife. Who's everso willing attempts to slice her hand off, before Suki grabs the knife away.
Their father finally joins the table after being on the phone, and he looks to be in a good mood.
"Who was that, Darling?" Mia asks.
"That was my brother, he's coming back down to visit again."
"Yayyy." Everyone cheers. Well, everyone but his wife who looks almost displeased. But it could be due to her trying to feed Charlie, who just plays with his food, rather than eats it.
"Uncle Russel, always gets us the best toys." Hank states, while slurping noddles into his nose.
"Asami. I don't think you met my brother." Dave states.
"I don't think I've, what's he like?" I ask, Suki's dad.
"He's just as crazy as my family." Suki replies, which just gets Dave to laugh.
"He's not crazy, he's just very determined. And our eldest here, doesn't enjoy working towards something in the long term." This comment doesn't sit well with my friend. I know this, because I've never seen her tense up at her father's usual playful words before.
"Dave. Let's not start this." Mia states, but Dave looks completely confused.
"What? Can't a father be happy his older brother is coming into town again?" He addresses to his wife, before turning his attention back onto me.
"I think you would like him, Asami. He's not as handsome and charming as me, but he has a good head on his shoulder."
"Does he?" Suki says, under her breath.
Maggie, knocks her fork onto the ground, and the sound of the metal is a great topic changer.
As everyone starts eating again, I try my best not to think about Korra. But it's extremely hard. Everyone seems so happy here, and I want to relate with them, but it's difficult when I felt my happiest around her.
"So, Asami? How's your father's service doing?" Dave asks.
"It's great. He's working longer nights now, which I'm still getting used to."
"Ah. It's old age, it'll do that to you. Say, ask your pops if he needs any extra hands on deck. I've a few boys I would love to donate to him." He teases.
"I don't want to work on no car, I want to be a rockstar. Like Elvis or Sam Cooke." John says. Which raises my ear.
"You listen to Sam Cooke too?"
John eagerly smiles at me, then explains. "Yep! I keep looking at my local record shop, but they don't have any in stock. I heard there is a record shop up the street that might carry more of his music. But Pa and Ma don't let me go, because it's colored owned." He replies, frustrated.
"Now. Don't you go ruining this here dinner with your obsession of colored music. You're lucky enough we let you play that in here. Now, you be grateful." Dave replies, while adding another piece of his meal into his mouth.
"I am grateful, Pa. But if Asami listens to him, doesn't that mean others like us listen too!? Doesn't it make it okay?"
The silence of the room, and the fact I was used as an example, doesn't make me very comfortable .
Dave finishes chewing, then looks at his son.
"I can only control what my children do. But I will say, with all these musicians out here. There is no reason for white folks to be invested in anything not meant for us. That's just how it's supposed to be. Now finish your dinner." He replies.
I continue pushing my food with my fork, because I feel like I was being scolded too.
Jon wasn't lying. The white's record shop doesn't carry many colored music. And if they do, it doesn't sell as well. I think a huge part of it is, the fear of being labeled as a colored lover. I haven't bought many records lately, so I can't really think of being looked down on for purchasing music not created by whites. But I do know, the record Korra got me, was probably from the shop Jon wants to go into. Which makes my heart ache even more.
"I want Ice cream!" Four Year old Janet shouts.
"Honey, You aren't even finished with your dinner." Dave replies.
"Yeah. And we don't have anymore ice cream." Mark replies.
"But I want ice cream!" Janet shouts.
"Mmm. Ice cream does sound good." Mia states. And all at once, everyone turns to face Suki, who just stuffed an entire meatball into her mouth.
"What?" She asks with her mouth full.
"Could you run to the store and get ice cream?" Her mother asks.
"No! You said dinner then I was free!"
"But we need ittttt." Dave whines. Which gets the children to laugh.
"Aren't you tired of stealing Asami's time." She defends.
"Do you mind if we get ice cream?" Mia asks, and how could I decline such a question from someone who's older and treats me well. Also, it's just one extra stop before heading to my home, there isn't much to do at my place. Why the rush?"
"Sure. I don't mind."
Korra
"Can you please tell me why you're upset with Mama?" My dad asks, as I help him stock canned goods in the aisles.
My father's company has certainly been comforting. It allowed me to really think about how I've been feeling. But he has been curious all day on why I came here upset earlier.
I can't express to him the nature of the trauma I was forced to live through, but I know he'll find out soon. Because we're about to close in an hour.
As I'm laying on the floor performing my task, I hear chuckling. My father quickly straightens up and I'm confused by his change of demeanor. But this odd sight, doesn't stop me from working.
"Hello, Do you've any ice cream?" A familiar voice asks. I can't pinpoint exactly who this voice belongs to, but I've heard it before. Her voice holds more confidence when she adds " We need a lot of ice cream."
I can't see who's making such an odd request, because who comes into a corner store for ice cream? We have it here, but it'll be priced very high compared to a market.
I continue stocking when I hear my father call out my name.
"Korra!" My father shouts, which makes me internally groan,because I'm the one who'll most likely have to head into the stoned cold walk in freezer.I head out of the aisle. Once I approach the counter, I'm the one frozen. Well, not frozen enough to avoid dropping the can of corn in my hand.
" "Korra, you've to be careful." My father states, more concerned about my clumsiness rather than my shock.
Asami picks up the can ,that rolled to her feet, then offers it to me. "Thank you, I appreciate it. " I say, lowly.
"Do you?" She replies, before shoving her hands into her coat pocket.
I look at her, trying to find the words to express how sorry I am for leaving her, but my father's words pull me out of my moment. "Korra, can you get these young ladies Ice cream?"
"Sure. How many?" I ask, more directed to Asami.
"We need five tubs." Her friend Suki says, without looking at me.
AsI ignore the huge quantity, and take advantage of the time hidden in the freezer.
How am I supposed to act once I get back out there? I can't just pretend. Asami's angry at me. It was written all over her face. If I ignore it, I'll just make it worse. I know I owe her an explanation, but is now even a good time?
I quickly grab the tubs, but then realize, I'm not sure which flavors. I take a deep breath, watching my air float in the freezer before stepping out again.
"Do you've a specific flavor choice?" I call out.
"What flavors do you have?" Suki answers back.
"Strawberry, Chocolate, Vanilla, Orange sherbet, and I think Cookie dough." I reply, really giving it thought.
"Surprise me." Asami states, which gets me to blush a little, because I wasn't expecting her to reply.
I come back out with the huge tubs, and the look of how gigantic they're, makes Asami's friend overwhelmed. "How are we supposed to carry that?" She states, while pulling out her coin purse.
I had no trouble carrying the ice cream, but who knows how far they parked. My father doesn't have a parking lot, we're a corner store. And there isn't much street parking around either. So before I know it,I find myself saying "I can help carry it for you."
The offer gets everyone to look up, but Asami.
"We parked pretty far, can you handle that?" Suki asks.
"It's no problem." I reply, reaching for the tubs.
As my father rings them up, he looks very concerned. Then I remember, he has no idea that I know them. "Dad, this is Asami. We worked on that project together." I explain. When he hears this, he starts to relax a little.
"Is that so? Hopefully, my daughter was a fair partner." He states.
"If it counts, we got an A." She replies to him.
"We did!?" I ask.
"Yep. Too bad you weren't feeling well to find out in person." She replies, placing her attention onto me again.
She looks different this time, not angry. Exhaustion with a bit of sadness.
I want nothing more but to ask if she's okay. But I know a huge part of it is, probably the stress I put on her. Or maybe it's not that? Maybe she has her own troubles, and I'm not nearly as close to ask her about it?
Suki grabs a hold of two tubs, and I make sure I grab two just to leave Asami with one. With both her friend and I occupied, she holds the door for us to exit.
The sky is a cross of orange and blue at the moment. And this sight just emphasizes it's been a long day. Despite the weight of the tub, Suki is quickly moving ahead of us. As if she has somewhere to be. I want to match her pace too, but Asami seems to be dragging her feet. Probably to avoid walking beside me. I find my own speed slowing down, just so I can be beside her.
"Hey, I'm sorry."
"About what?" She replies, shifting the vanilla to her opposite hand. I ignore her fake confusion and get to the point.
"I wanted to present with you. You know that, Asami."
"Well, it's not about wants, Korra. I want a lot of things." She replies, finally not coldly.
"Is apart of it Ice cream? Because I promise you, this brand isn't that great." I reply, as the tubs gives my arms freezer burns.
" This isn't for me. Suki has a big family, and they sent us off for all of this. This was the closest store from her place."
"Or you wanted to check on me." I tease, but that doesn't get the reaction I was expecting. "Can we just walk in silence? Especially, if you aren't going to be honest with me."
"What do I've to be honest about?"
Seeing her struggle with the one tube, I offer to take it, but she moves away."I don't need your help."
"Asami, I said I was sorry."
"Well, I don't believe you."
"Well, I can't believe you're having dinner with a potential klans man." I reply, under my breath. But she hears and gets defensive. "That wasn't her! You saw how she acted in there with your father. She was respectful, and fine. Sometimes I think you only see whatever fits your narrative. Why don't you go ask her since you're so sure?"
"Because. I'm not!"
"Exactly! You aren't sure about anything. But you sure as hell make it an option to act like you're going through everything alone."
Suki is way ahead of us now, so I know she can't hear us. But I also know, Asami did us a favor by expressing her dislike lowly, for just me and her to hear. "If you were me... you would know I am in this alone. You wouldn't understand." I reply.
"I try to understand by listening to you. I always listen to you. Sometimes I listen so much, I can't even think for myself. But I don't think I'm going to be doing that anymore."
I slow down, and she has to stop to look at me. "You hurt me, Korra. And it's unfair that I'm too focus on your pain to acknowledge what you do to me. That's not right. And I don't know who is really to blame?"
"Asami. I said I was sorry about skipping out on presenting. Also, I don't think our classmates would've even given us the time or day anyway. We got an A, that's all that matters."
"No, that isn't what matters. What matters, is that we worked through something long enough to see it through. We're capable of doing that. We did it the entire project. We found a way to communicate, find a common theme, and... potentially 'us'. Then you just threw it all away without even talking to me about it."
I'm so affected by the passion of her words, my logical explanations are fighting to come out. But they can't.
"You see? It's more than the project. It's more than school! Sometimes, I think that's how you see things. There are the places, and the roles you've to be in them."
"That's just how life is! Especially for people like me. Asami, why can't you just accept this is how society is?"
She crosses her arms, and I wished I could do that too, but my arms are too cold.
"As much as I don't want to accept that this is how society is, I have. You've know idea how much it has affected me. And I've finally come to terms that, with your mentality , you never will."
I set the tubs on the side walk, and look at her concerned. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about 'you' and your need of roles in your life.'"
"I can't just ignore what is around me. I've to act and do things for my protection. You don't understan…" "I DO UNDERSTAND! You know what? I can carry the ice cream now. Go back with your father."
I try to get the ice cream back, but she stops me. "You don't have to worry about helping me anymore. You've made it clear many of times you don't need help from me. I should've listened. And I feel a bit silly now, because I thought for just a tiny second, you didn't mind helping me. Maybe that was you playing your role too. Survival, right? "
As she walks off, struggling with the tubs. I'm left with the sting of her words. when it comes to roles. I'm a daughter, sister, student, and most importantly in pain.
But that's not all it is.
Asami
Words can't describe how I felt seeing Korra in her father's corner store. She was wearing a teal dress, and she was so earger to help her father, but also exhaustion in her eyes. That was until we made eye contact and she looked more sympathetic than shocked. That look of her's just made me upset, because it showed she was aware of how hurt I might 's one thing not thinking about others and doing it, but knowing? It's a whole different amount of hurt.
As much I don't want to walk away, I have too. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep accepting her ways, and her not giving me the chance or time to understand mine. As much as I rather learn about her and be with her. I know I can never be, if I don't show her the real me. How can I do that, if she doesn't give me the chance. How can I, if I don't feel comfortable to?
"I thought what I was doing was survival, but having you walk away from me right now. Feels like a type of threat I can't pull through from."
Suki is nowhere to be found, but that's not my focus. Hearing her speak those words, takes me back. Because I have never heard her speak about her feelings directed towards me, in such a direct way before.
"I never feel like I'm playing a role with you. I can't just switch on and off about how I feel when it comes to you. I don't understand it, but I know I don't want to lose it. Can you please come back?"
I can hear the fear in her voice, and I feel relieved. Because I fear about how I feel about her too, and it being driven by loss of what we've gives me hope. The reassurance I needed.
"But can I can trust you, Korra?" I ask, turning around to walk towards her.
"You know you can. I'm just..."
She starts to overthink, and doubt herself. But I'm not talking about how she see's herself, I need to know how she feels when it comes to me.
"No. I don't care about the other stuff, I just need to know if I can trust you with me."
"You can trust me, I never want to hurt you. You can doubt anything about me, but please don't doubt my trust."
It has finally gotten dark, and she takes back the ice cream. And I'm relieved, because I don't think my arms could've taken it any longer. What is up with Suki and Korra's strength?
As we exchange items, her arm brushes against mine and I still get goosebumps.
"How's your wrist?" She asks, and I quickly get embarrassed, even though we continue walking and she can't see my face.
"It's fine." I answer, quickly.
"How Mako treated you wasn't fine." She defends.
"How he treated you, wasn't. Don't worry about me."
She smirks, and doesn't say anything and I get a little happy knowing she might actually care more than she lets on.
"I can handle him. I just don't enjoy handling, Sokka. I by no means wanted everything to happen like that"
"Sokka was just helping." I reassure.
"No one asked him too. And there is such a thing when it comes to helping too much. You can ask my mother about that."
"What did she do?" I ask, but she places a smile on her face as she looks at me. Which makes me forget the question altogether. "You look nice today, you can't tell me you just hung with Suki all day."
I don't know how to deal with this. This is the first time she vocally gave me a compliment without it being work related. I almost feel like those teenagers I served at the shop. All giddy like. But I keep my cool, because I don't want her to think I'm over thinking this.
"I was invited to the race track."
"Oh! That' sounds exciting. We don't have horse races. Well, the coloreds don't." How was it?"
"It was okay, I've never been a fan of sports. The snacks were good."
We both laugh and the breeze naturally makes me want to clench on to her arm, as we walk. But I remember where we are, and how that wouldn't be appropriate.
"I think my dad likes you."
"Really!? I didn't talk much."
"He's odd. He can just tell who's good people are. He wouldn't have let me walk you to your car, if it wasn't for his judgment."The ideal that her father might actually like me, makes me feel warm inside. Her mother on the other hand, is really hard to tell. But, that just could be for a number of reasons.
We see Suki ahead, and she's shoving the bags into her car. I start to feel sad, that Korra and I's moment is coming to an end. But I'm also appreciative of it.
"Korra."
"Yes?"
"I want to see you again."
She chuckles. "You will. I can't afford to miss anymore school."
"I'm not talking about school."
Even in the dark, I can see she's displaying how flustered she is. "Oh…Um. Yeah. That can happen. It might be a little hard with my mama now. But, I can just say we've another project."
"I can also come over to your house to make it believable." I say to test the waters.
"Sure. We'll figure it out."
Once we get to the car, Suki looks up at me and she looks very worked up. "Can we go? My parents are going to hold us hostage longer if we don't make a move on it."
"Sure, sorry."
I open the door and place the bags into Suki's car and the strangest thing happens.
Korra and her, lock eyes for a brief second, before my friend glares at her. "Whatcha looking at, you did your job." She spits, before Korra backs up.
I want to know where this tone is coming from, she doesn't even talk to Azula like that. And that's someone she really can't tolerate very well.
"Thank you for helping." I state, before pulling out my tiny wallet and handing Korra 13 cents.
"Asami. No it's fine."
"Please just take it, so it looks like we both didn't enjoy our stroll." I say through gritted teeth, but also a smile. Korra rolls her eyes and takes it.
Once I get inside the car, I watch from the passenger's mirror as she walks back alone. I try not to worry about her walking this late, but if she can manage to carry all that ice cream. I'm certain she has the strength to protect herself.
My friend nearly speeds trying to get home, but I'm too occupied thinking about my memory with Korra. How can something so small and quick, change the direction of your entire mentally?
"I don't like that girl." Suki says, clearly alarmed.
"Korra? Why?"
"She just screams trouble to me, Asami."
She puts her hand up to stop me, before I can protest and continues. "You ain't gotta tell me how you're more open minded compared to the other folks around here. You've always been that way. But your neutrality is starting to display. And that's not safe for you, Asami."
I find myself laughing at such foolishness. "And what do you know about what's safe for me?"We pull into her neighborhood, and I'm still waiting on Suki to finish her little warning or whatever overprotective matter this is.
But she doesn't, so I pry.
"What's wrong with her being my friend, and don't just use solely her race. Don't you think she's a respectful girl? Let alone brave! You know what it's like to do everything on your own taking care of your siblings. She's basically doing that every day in school. Why can't she have a friend?" I defend.
If anything, I think Suki and Korra have way more in common. That could be great friends, but the look of concern on her face, worries me.
"I'm just going to say this. Despite you only seeing her as a 'friend'. She's known around here. Everyone knows about the colored girl who might take valedictorian. And this town can't handle another colored milestone. You know how it is, everyone is set in their ways. The more you socialize with her, the more you'll be a target too."
"And who's threatening her life, Suki? There are tons of colored students in our school, I'm sure those threats apply to them too. Don't try to scare me away from a real friend."
I have no idea how those words came out of my mouth, but they do.
Words, that leave my friend staring down at the steering wheel, clearly hurt. I didn't mean it offensively. It's just different with Korra. And I've no way to explain it to her. Especially when she's against me even engaging in a conversation with her.
"I don't know what's more troubling? You not seeing me as your best friend anymore, or you becoming close to some colored girl you met in just a month?"
"Suki you're my best friend. It's just..I didn't mean it like that."
"Well, I took it like that. And I don't feel like sleeping over anymore."
She gets out the car, and puts each ice cream on the lawn. "No need to help me carry it inside, I'll send the boys to come get it."
"Suki, please."
"You just watch your back, Asami. That's the last and only warning I'm giving you about this."