Hi, so here is another chapter. I hope you all enjoy it, and there are six more chapters of this story left so please was a new and fun point of view for me and very fun to get into which is great for future chapters. I think the next chapter will be last one in La Push and then the Cullens will return as we wind this story down to it's conclusion.

Disclaimer-Nothing is mine just this chapter.

Please Read and Review.

And did anyone else have a flashback to their thriteen year old self in school uniform jumping up and down when we got the news that Midnight Sun was to be relesaed? Because i sure did!

And as always stay safe and well.

There In The Disappearing Light

Chapter 19-Oh The Guilt.

A surprisingly new point of view as Lena continues her stay in La Push and tries to deal with the consequences of her choices and her actions. Potentially/Probable shorter chapter than the previous one.

Sometimes when she closed her eyes and laid back on the grass that made up the back of Jacob's barn she looked dead.

It was hardly the most inspiring thought a werewolf had ever had about their imprint but when Embry looked at Lena, her golden hair spread out like a blanket of gold around her, her face tilted up to catch the weak rays of sunlight and her eyes closed she looked dead to the world around her. Like something etched in stone, a statue created out of marble and Embry sometimes had to ball his hands into fists and feel the short nails digging grooves that would always heal within milliseconds, resisting the urge to reach out and just graze his fingers alongside the edge of perfection.

One blue eye opened. "I can hear you , you know. Waxing poetic even if you are seeing things"

Embry smiled leaning back against the grass and grabbing handfuls of the fresh earth underneath this hands. He was leaning In the sun, his shirt discarded somewhere between the garage and Lena's bag (she had been attempting to work on something online and her laptop now powered down lay near her bag neatly closed as well). Lena's head was resting against his leg and she was staring up at the sky now for once in the small but rainy state of Washington was a clear blue without a hint of grey cloud.

That first week where she had said she wanted to hold hands had morphed slowly into two weeks and now they were at the beginning of week three. It was a time that Embry had never lived through, a summer of peace and promise where things seemed to ebb and flow with the tide and not slam into them full thrust like it had done for the last year or so since he had transformed.

Hand holding had gone to this moment of domestic peace and while Embry was content with what they had and more than content to let Lena continue to move things at her own pace he was also anxious that this would end prematurely. She had not discussed going back to the Cullen's but he knew that it was on her mind because he was beginning to know her, know everything about her in a way that he had never known anyone before.

Embry could understand now what it was that made Emily forgive Sam and Sam hate himself forever. He could understand how Jared still hated himself for ignoring and on some occasions tormenting Kim before he imprinted. He could understand Quill and his devotion to Claire so much so he was prepared to live like a monk for the foreseeable future. He could understand the pain Jacob put himself through over Bella Swan when she had been pregnant and there had been something unknowable dragging him towards her time and time again and he found that he could even understand how insufferable Paul was whenever he came up against the brick wall that was Rachel and her constant pulling away over some kind of misunderstanding in their past. He had never really understood the power of imprinting and yet now he had this amazing half-vampire here he was seriously questioning how he had ever managed one day without her.

Yeah it was going to hurt like a bitch when she left, if she left…Embry never mentioned the subject or even thought much about it in her presence, he didn't want to spur her into a decision she was not wholly comfortable. Either way it could go bad for him.

In a moment of complete and utter lunacy somewhere during week two of this self-imposed exile he had thought about ringing Jacob and telling him that he was going to Mexico or to Israel or to New Zealand or wherever the hell Lena wanted to go. That thought had gone south the moment he had thought about it. The truth was he could no sooner leave La Push or leave the pack or leave his mother as soon as he could walk on water.

His mother was a problem that Embry did not want to think about. She no longer thought that he was still running wild—Sam, desperation and the knowledge that when the Volturi came along this might be it for them, had forced him to tell her the big secret but the awkwardness was there between them, they had never really been close and the knowledge that he was biologically related to one of his pack brothers—two who had grown up thinking that their fathers had very happy marriages—had not helped matters. He did not know what she would make of Lena or what Lena would make of her and he was not really looking forwards to asking or finding out.

Right now this time was better spent between him and his imprint.

Lena forced herself up off the ground and span around to stare at him.

"You are really not good at hiding your thoughts" she said with a small grin. Embry grinned back.

"Suppose that makes our future together easier" he said. He meant it as a joke, as some jovial kind of humour but the smile faded somewhat of that face he had grown accustomed to seeing each day. He could have kicked himself.

"Don't look at me like that" Lena said her tone taking back some of it's briskness and her eyes flashing in a way that had Embry want to drown within them (God when did he become as soppy as Sam and Jared—it was humiliating). "I've gotten my brain around this imprinting thing it's just…" she shook her head and Embry had to force down the frustration that was building.

There were times, many of them in fact when it always felt like it was one step forwards, two steps back when it came to Lena. They were just getting along and things were just getting to the point where he felt like he could ask her the questions he was burning to ask her and then she pulled back and retreated further away into the that brilliant, all-encompassing and quite frankly scary mind of hers.

"What is it then?" he asked finally trying to keep his tone gentle and trustworthy when all he wanted to do was to lay down the world at her feet and beg her to take him.

Oh God he was turning into a romantic sap!

"It's just…sometimes I feel like I don't deserve a future. It's not the fact that I killed those girls in Canada. I regret that but I don't hate myself for it anymore it's just sometimes I wonder if I've just been killing people since I was born. I mean…it's not that I want to find out about my mother it's just sometimes I think that she was probably just a naïve kid that fell in love with a vampire and I don't want to delude myself into thinking their relationship was anything like Edward and Bella's despite how good it would make me feel"

Embry thought about it.

"I suppose I can see why you would think that" he admitted grudgingly "But I don't agree with it. You shouldn't have to pay the price for your parents. Though God knows I seem to be doing it" he added as a slightly bitter after thought. He paused feeling younger than he was and certainly younger than what he had been through. Lena tilted her head and looked at him and Embry decided that if she was airing her dirty laundry, her fears and the way she felt then he may as well do the same.

"My mother is from another tribe" he said finally. "The gene that makes us all werewolves is from this tribe, it's based in La Push history and one day you'll get to hear the legends" he paused and hoped against hope that Billy when he did get to talking hadn't mentioned the 'Cold Ones' and the woman who had ripped the throat out of the local girls who had gone to bathe by the stream one ordinary morning and had not come home.

"My mother moved down to La Push after she graduated High School to work before she went to college. She fell pregnant, I've never known my father and she's never mentioned him. But the gene is passed through father to son or daughter in Leah's case. The prime candidates for my father are Joshua Uley, Sam's father, Quills father, Quill IV or Billy. And all three were married at the time"

Lena stared at him wide eyed and the gave a low whistle. "Wow" she said popping the W.

"Have you ever asked her?"

"She won't say"

"And them?"

"Sam's dad is well in the wind, Quill's dad is…complicated…I mean his grandfather is more the father figure and Billy…well…Jacob won't ask him, won't even consider asking him and I'm not sure if I want to either. I think everyone is hoping my Dad is Sam's dad. It's a hell of a lot easier if he is"

Lena considered him for a moment.

"Did it…I mean when you put the pieces together…when you all put the pieces together did you and Jacob and Quill. Did you talk about it? I mean your best friends before and after, did they not wonder"

"Jacob doesn't think about it, at least not in my hearing. Quill thinks about it sometimes but only in the sense that he's an only child and it would be nice to have a brother, Sam doesn't think about his father at all. Can't do it without transforming even now"

"Who do you think it is?"

"I don't know. I…" and here was the difficult part but he wanted her to know. He felt like she had to know, she was his imprint, he trusted her beyond anyone and anything in his life.

"I would like it to be Billy" he confessed. "I know that everyone wants it to be Joshua Uley but if I could choose a dad I'd choose Billy Black in a heartbeat. He was just…there…for me when I was growing up. Didn't care if I was breaking into Jacob's room at one in the morning or if I was coming round for dinner, and Jake—I'd walk through hell and back for Jake—actually have done so many, many times. When Bella was pregnant and Jake went to defend her I would have followed but Sam kept me on a tight leash. Twice he sent Quill round I swear not to spend nights with me but to stop me leaving. Paul and Jared just used to look at me strangely whenever I entered the room or just downright suspicious. Even Emily couldn't look me in the eye. I wasn't like the rest, Jared, Paul, Quill, they all had imprints, Colin and Brady were so young they didn't understand what was happening. I was the loose cannon and I knew they all knew it. Trust me it wasn't difficult changing allegiances after that."

He paused taking huge gulps of air. He was a little shocked if he was being honest with himself about how truthful he had been with her. He had not expected all of those feelings he had been desperate to hide to come out in this way. But the bitterness he had buried for so long was finally there and he wanted to tell Lena about it, he wanted someone on his side for the first time in a long time and he wanted her to tell him it was alright for him to feel this way about his brothers.

"Still think you're the one with the screwed up, full of guilt future ahead of them" he added feeling raw and exposed.

Lena said nothing for a minute or two and that time seemed to stretch onwards before she moved. Before Embry could do anything, before he could even so much as blink she had kissed him on the cheek.

He watched as she sat back on her hands grinning, his cheeks were burning red and the place where her lips had touched him were almost vibrating.

"Thank you for sharing that with me" she said finally. "It's beyond words, and for what it's worth, I don't think your screw up or full of guilt or too messed up for a future. I think your kinda perfect"

Embry stared at her. Nobody had ever called him perfect before. Not even his own mother. And yet here was creations most perfect and perhaps most dangerous creation her legs crossed, wearing leggings and a faded Demin shirt. He swallowed feeling so me sort of emotion he did not want to name rise up within him.

Never again would he ever mock any of the wolves in either pack about imprinting. Never again would he make light of it or think of it as anything other than the sheer joy that it was. He had never known it was like this, like always having someone in your corner prepared to fight for you. Even if he never got beyond that, it was beyond comforting to know that it was there.

He wanted it beyond words.

He leaned back against the old wood of Billy's barn where Jacob had once helped Bella Swan repair motorcycles and helped repair her broken heart and Lena curled up next to him his arms wrapped around her waist and as he dropped a kiss in her hair and felt her relax against him he knew that somehow despite their lack of words they had both let go of their guilt of being alive, of being the cause of so much pain and destruction, and were looking forwards to a future together.

And there you are. I will endeavour to update sooner rather than later with the next chapter.

Next Chapter-Lena hears the legends of the werewolves including the story of the 'Cold Ones' as her time in La Push reaches full circle. Again potentially shorter chapter than this one.