Sitting on the floor, journals spread out, coffee next to her, Regina read on. The sun rays slanted through the blinds, a breeze fluttered on her face from the open window, and the sound of city noise filled the room. Somehow, it helped to read with the noise.

If she were to read in silence, she mused, it would feel too intimate. Too real and raw. The smell of her empty coffee cup filled her nostrils.

For days, Regina closed herself in her room, ate little, and read. Her eyes were tired, her head was pounding, and her heart was raw. Rob laid out all his emotions in each word on the pages in the journals he'd given her. There were things he wrote that she didn't know. Things he'd never shared. Fears and worries. Pain and insecurities.

Anger and resentment filled the pages after she'd left that summer. Regina recalled getting his first letter. He'd wished her well, asked her how classes were going, and not once revealed what she read.

At current, she read the passage he'd written about her rejection. He'd intended to propose properly, to build a life, have a family. The boy who wrote these words was foreign to her. A stranger. A man's promises. He felt things so deeply, yet he never shared his feelings. How could she blame him?

Drinking the remainder of the drop in her cup, she read his words and tried to hear his voice.

She's gone. I watched her get into the truck and leave the way she'd come. Swiftly. It hurts like hell. I want to hate her for letting me fall so hard. If she'd known she wouldn't stay, why the hell did she let me get into her bed? I never would've touched her had I thought she'd leave. I wanted to be her first. Her only. Now, who knows. She'll find someone, get married, and have the kids that we should have. I feel like she took my damn heart with her. The hell with it, it belongs to her. Even if she won't have it.

I'm a man. She made me a man. I resent her for it. Katie down the street would be a distraction. It's not like she hasn't tried. Hell, maybe I'll forget about Regina if I give in. Anything is better than this empty feeling. I'm empty. Alone. Damn woman, I should never have slept with her. To hell with her. God, I miss her.

Guilt clawed its way into her gut and settled deep in her belly. Closing her eyes, Regina let the pain come. Swift and relentless, tears fell down her cheeks. She wished she'd never left him. But wishing for things of the past was useless. A waste of energy. It was depressing.

She needed a break. Folding the journal over on her bed, she piled the rest in boxes labeled for what she'd read. In the kitchen, she rinsed her cup and found Maggie typing on her laptop. "Hey. Working from home?"

"Reports. You okay? You look a little pale." Maggie's eyes were assessing and direct.

"I haven't been sleeping well," she admitted. Turning, she shrugged, "I started reading the journals."

"And?" Interested, Maggie perked up.

"I'm surprised he gave them to me; he had a lot to say about me. A lot of it not good." Rubbing the ache behind her eyes, she sighed, "I've decided what I want to do about the videos."

Maggie shut the lid to her laptop. "What's that?"

"I don't know if I can handle Rob watching them. Why would he want to? I'm gonna get rid of them."

"Well," Maggie said standing and taking her hand. "He'll never know unless he sees. Whatever is going on in his head will never be the real thing. It may be worse. Show him one of them. One of the first. Then, burn them. Together."

"Burn them?" It was an idea, sure. One that she wouldn't exactly discount.

"It'll be cathartic." Handing her a full cup of coffee, Maggie nudged her into a chair.

"I guess that's true. I just…How can he see that video and want anything to do with me? I'm not a child, I know what he's thinking. I was with a lot of men." Setting her cup aside untasted, her fingers twirled around the handle.

"Not by choice."

"Maggie at first, I enjoyed my time with Jaden. That puts this knot in my stomach. To know that for that short time, I didn't fight it. I started to like him. To think that we could've had something more. Even if how it started was horrible."

"Really? Why didn't you tell me?" She took the chair next to Regina.

"When things changed, I couldn't admit it out loud. He was charming at first, took an interest in me, and the sex was good. For a while, but he got bored." Swallowing, she tried not to think about the details of it. "I didn't even get a warning the first time he brought someone else in the bedroom." A tear trickled down her cheek.

"Regina…" Maggie's hand settled on hers. "That doesn't make you a bad person. The important thing is you knew who he was once he made that move. I know how you feel about him. He's not getting out of prison and I'm happy with that. Are you?"

"Yes, of course, I am. Knowing I don't have to worry about him takes the weight off."

"You're doing so well, the therapist helps, and you seem a little lighter."

"I feel a lot better, but I still carry a lot of shame, a lot of guilt. I need to figure out what to do next."

Maggie nodded, "I know. What do you plan on doing with Rob? He's not backing down."

Regina's lip was bit between her teeth. "He told me to go to hell. I feel like that's clear enough."

"What? When the hell did, he say that?" Maggie's face heated and her eyes flashed with anger.

"The day you went to see him. I gave you that letter and he called me. I didn't get a word in. He thought I sent you and was insulted. Told me to let him know what I planned to do with Roland as if I'd be taking him from him." Shaking off the absurdity, she continued. "Told me to go to hell. I tried to ask if he meant it, he never responded."

Maggie stood, "I'm sorry. Don't listen to what he said, he was probably angry. He's crazy about you and miserable that you're not around him. When I say your name, he gets this look in his eyes. He loves you."

"No. He loves who I used to be. I'm not the woman I was a decade ago. I was a girl."

"So? He knows his own mind and heart. Do you?"

Drinking the coffee to delay her answer, she drank the entire hot beverage in one gulp. "I'm scared."

"Good. That's a good place to start. Now, I think you should take my advice. Give him the video. Tell him you read the journals when you're done."

"Alright," she nodded. "I'll give Rob the video. The first one where Jaden made me…" Closing her eyes, she took a moment. "I don't know what to say to him. Do I mail it?"

Maggie tsked her tongue, "Absolutely not. Take it to him in person. Lay it out for him and then tell him that you plan to burn the rest. Maybe you should burn those journals too. Get rid of the past and start fresh. That's what I'd do."

"I wanna finish reading first. Then, I'll figure out what to say to him."

…

Roland and Rob sat huddled around the stack of twigs, leaves, logs, and paints. At the beginning of summer, Rob had promised to help build a cabin out of things found around the property. While it wasn't his father's ranch, Rob mused, his made it all the better. The only regret was how upset Roland was that Regina wasn't there to help.

With a picture in mind, they set to glue logs together in a rectangle. It took precision, patience, and time. Their fingers worked to hold the wood together. Adding the twigs and leaves as the roof, the glue became a bit more difficult. Rob suggested using an oven mitten to protect them from the heat.

While they worked, the house filled with the smell of cookies baking in the oven, the sound of the music playing, and their laughter. Rob loved his son more than he ever thought he could. The more time he had with him, the harder it was to imagine him leaving.

Soon, he mused, Roland would be going back to school. Back to a life that he wasn't a part of. A place in the city he despised. After leaving Marcy, he'd vowed never to live in the city again. It was loud, busy, and there was too much to focus on.

He preferred the simple things. A dependable profession, animals to keep you busy, and a strong back. The harder you worked, the more honorable you were. Horses gave him the work; his son gave him love. Yet, he longed for more. More days like this, more moments like this. The oven timer buzzed and rang.

Rob took his moment to retrieve the cookies and put them on the stove to cool. When he walked back into the room, a knock on the door interrupted their day. Frowning, Rob went to the door and opened it. For a moment, he only stared.

Regina stood looking beautiful, her eyes were clear, though they showed apprehension. Her hands pressed together in front of her, his eyes scanned down the front of the dress that clung to her body. White with red polka dots and a skirt that flared out mid-thigh. Had he ever seen her looking so lovely?

Finding his manners and his voice, he stepped back to let her in, "Look who's here?"

Roland turned his head, "Mom! We're building the cabin. What do you think?" His hand gestured to their unfinished project.

Regina's heels echoed along the hardwood floor and Rob's eyes, god help him, lingered on them. The way her leg muscles contracted distracted him, his mouth was dry. His tongue was tied. "I think it looks amazing. Look at the roof." Her fingers toyed with the drying leaves.

"Dad is gonna help me glue some straw from the barn to the top. To make it look better. Right now, we have to wait for it to dry. Then, we can paint it. You wanna help? You promised to help us." Rob saw the innocence in his son's eyes. Oblivious to the tension in the room.

"Sure. But I need to talk to your dad, okay?" With unsure eyes, she turned toward Rob. "Do you have a minute?" It was unnerving to see her so confident, so beautiful. Standing in front of him, he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and kiss her. He held off.

"Sure." He felt clumsy with himself. His hands slid into his pockets to keep from touching her. The nerves in his belly and the guilt combined into an unpleasant mixture. He'd been cruel, brash, and rude the last time they'd spoken. He led her out onto the porch and gestured for her to sit.

Her lips curved into a small smile, "I'm sorry for dropping in on you like this." The truth was, he knew he'd been dodging her calls.

"It's alright," he said taking the seat she declined to take. "What's up?"

Regina paced down to the end of the porch and looked out before walking back. Her fingers twisted together before she spoke. "Do you remember the time when we were kids and we got stuck in the rain? I went out for a ride thinking I could beat the storm. My horse slid and I fell off. I twisted my ankle and sat under the rocks."

He remembered. "Yea."

Glancing at him, she nodded. "You didn't hesitate to help me. To nurse me like I was a wounded bird too delicate to care for myself."

"That's not how I remember it." He watched her fidget, if he was near her, he'd probably hear her heart beating in her chest. He couldn't say why it was rewarding to see her so nervous. "You were too stubborn to ask for help."

She smiled and his chest tightened. "I may have been. The point is, you picked me up and took me back to the ranch. You gave me your coat and got sick with a cold. You were in bed for a week after that."

"Would you rather it had been you?" He didn't understand where she was going with this walk down memory lane.

Turning, she met his eyes. "That's so like you. To simplify things. To brush off the good you do and label it as a duty."

His shoulder jerked, "It was my responsibility to look after you."

"Yes, it was." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Until I left and you couldn't do that anymore."

He didn't answer. Only watched her take a step toward him. "You never told me how you felt, Rob. How you were so sick and hurting. I read about it," she whispered. "In your journal."

His stomach tightened at the thought of her reading his words. "You read them? I figured you did and discounted them. After that detached letter…"

"I hadn't read them then," she said, and his brow rose in surprise. "I read them all this week, in fact."

He swallowed. "I see." Sitting beside him, the breeze fluttered around her hair. Her scent surrounded him like a fog. So sweet and spicy. So arousing, he shifted.

"I had no idea you felt so strongly. So deeply," she said. "You made it seem like you were fine. It infuriated me," she admitted.

"What?" He frowned at her. "Why?"

"Selfishly, I wanted you to miss me. But I also wanted to find my own way. To go to school. Only, I missed you something terrible those first few months."

"Did you?" This was news to him.

"Yes," she sighed. "It seems that I did nothing but think of you. Then, when I found out I was pregnant, it was…" Wistfully, she settled back on the bench. "I can't wish things of the past. It's useless. I can say that I'm sorry I handled it poorly."

His heart was hurting to have her close like this and not be able to touch. To soothe the worry in her. "You did what you had to do."

"Maybe." Turning, she met his eyes, "I came here because I wanted to give you something. Only I'm terrified to."

"What is it?"

Pulling out a small flash drive from her pocket, she offered it. "Before I tell you what's on this, I think I should tell you that Jaden isn't getting out of prison. His trial will come, but he'll never be free."

Triumph and pride lifted her face until her cheeks bloomed with it. "Good. That's where he belongs." The way he bit off the words showed his loose control over his temper when it came to him.

"Yes, it is." Restless he asked, "What's on this?"

Regina stood to pace again, "I'm taking Maggie's advice and offering you a deal."

"A deal?"

"Yes. Here's the thing. I've been working on myself and I know that I have a long road ahead of me." She glanced at him and continued. "I'm willing to meet you halfway."

He waited and tried to process what she was telling him. "Meet me halfway?"

"Well," she said stopping. "You laid out your thoughts and feelings to me. You didn't have to do that. Now, I'd like to be completely honest with you." Trembling, she wrapped herself close. He yearned to the one to soothe her. "That drive holds a video of the first time Jaden gave me to his colleague."

Rob's stomach hurt as the anger spread. He stared down at the little white plastic and wanted to crush it under his boot. "Why give this to me?"

With a shaky voice, she said, "I want you to watch it. I know there are things going through your mind and I'd rather you have the truth. So, it's all there. Then, you're done, I want to burn it and the rest of them."

"Wait." He stared in shock. "There was more than one video?"

"Yes," she nodded. "All of the men I had to…I want you to watch this one because it is the same as the rest. I know it is a lot to ask."

"Regina…I can't watch this." He tried to hand it back, but she closed his fingers over it and pushed his hand away.

"Please, watch it. Then, when you have, I want to burn them."

"I…" He couldn't believe she wanted him to see such a thing. "I can't watch you with another man."

"It's not what you think." Something flashed in her eyes. "Do this for me, please. Then, I'd like to burn them and your journals. If you truly feel like you can…" Shaking her head, she whirled away.

"I can what?" He stood and for the first time since he'd opened the door to her, he touched her. His hand came gently on her shoulder to turn her.

"Did you mean it?" Tears swam in her eyes and he wanted to bring her to him, though he felt he had no right.

"Did I mean what?" His jaw clenched when a tear fell.

"That you want me to go to hell or were you just angry?" Her lip bit down on her lip and drew his eyes.

"At the time I meant it," he said softly. "I was angry, and I thought you'd sent Maggie here."

"I didn't." Her chin came up and he wanted. God, he wanted to kiss her. "I gave her the note because she was coming here. Nothing more. Are you still angry with me?" Her hand came to his chest. "I'd never take Roland from you. You know that, right?"

His eyes scanned her face, "Yes, I know that."

With a nod, she dropped her hand. "Good. Watch it," she said. "I'll give you some time to process it. It won't be an easy thing to see."

"I don't want to see it," he pressed.

"I know. I think it'll clear up whatever is going on in that head of yours. I'm sure you've tortured yourself enough with images of it." He didn't miss the tick of her jaw.

"Alright," he amended. "I'll watch it. Later when I can wrap my head around it. Will you stay for Roland?"

"Yea, I'll stay for a bit. I promised to help, didn't I?" She smiled.

When she brushed past him, he took her arm. "I'm sorry," he said in her ear. Closing his eyes, he pressed his lips to her temple. Her arms came around him and he buried his face in her hair. All the tension and all the stress and hurt he'd been carrying around slipped away.

It seemed for the moment, they could just be and ignore what was left unsaid between them.