AN: Hello, my lovelies! The first of May is here and I finally get to post the piece I wrote for Fandoms for Hope and Relief. I've divided it into two because it has to fit with the continuation of My Headstrong Beta. I don't have a set plan for when I'll start posting Leah's story, but it is definately something I will do in the future. I just really want to focus on My Headstrong Beta first.

So, please let me know what you think about Leah's piece!

My Sun

Leah

Growing up with four brothers makes you tough. Growing up with four male wolf-shifters as brothers? Makes you damn right invincible. Throughout my childhood, my parents made sure to treat us all exactly the same way. It didn't make a difference that I was a boy or a girl when the stalls needed to be mucked or the cows milked. We all simply did what needed to be done no matter what sex we were. However, it was when I started school that I suddenly became aware of the different expectations society demanded from each gender. To begin with I thought it was nice, as if being a girl made me special somehow, like some delicate flower that deserved to be taken care of and appreciated. It kind of made sense because I'd always felt physically inferior to my brothers. They were stronger so why shouldn't they have to do more of the heavy lifting than me. I remember even taunting my brothers with it. Dad had me mucking out the stalls for months after that. It didn't take me long to realize, however, how unfair gender roles can be.

All of my life, I've held a very special love for animals. I never cared that my clothes could get dirty or my hair could smell when I spent time with them. Their acceptance and profound trust has always touched me in a very acute way. My Dad loves to tell the story of how the animals on our ranch played an important part in raising me. They were there for each major step, helping and supporting me. Dad has pictures and short video clips from each milestone, like when one of our dogs taught me to roll around for the first time or when I took my very first steps in the pig pen. I grew up with animals as my family, my friends.

When I started school, it didn't take me long to start missing the simplicity of my four legged friends. Humans are much more complicated creatures. To begin with, I was quickly accepted into the group of popular girls, but it didn't take me long to realize that I'd only been allowed to do so because I was a Swan, a powerful family of wolf-shifters. I struggled to find my place in their group that first year and though I never felt completely comfortable with them, I didn't have the courage to break free. Animals were much easier creatures to deal with than a group of small 6 year old girls.

One morning when I was in the Second Grade, a stray dog ran into our playground. The poor thing was dirty and malnourished, but it had the kindest eyes. All of the girls in my group of "friends", even those from shifter-families, screamed and made a great fuss as though the dog was some enormous beast ready to eat them all up. I remember looking at them in confusion because I couldn't understand why they were reacting that way. The dog was simply looking for help, it wouldn't hurt anyone. When some of the boys began making a show of first coaxing the poor thing close before scaring it by throwing rocks and running after it…My decision was made, I have never tolerated animal cruelty. For the first time I reacted in a way that felt natural to me and it felt incredible.

Screaming at the top of my lungs, I was able to get them to stop. I'll never forget the shocked look on their faces as though I'd completely lost my mind and then how they all just turned their backs. I was left alone and, although it took some time, the dog slowly warmed up to me and allowed me to pet it. The poor thing was shaking. That was when Sam, a quiet boy in my class, came over with a water bottle and his lunch box. I didn't know Sam well. He was a distant family relative from his Mom's side, but I vividly remembered how his Dad had come by the ranch once. He'd been drunk and mean, and my Dad had been so angry with him. Because of that experience, I'd always kept my distance around Sam Uley. Up until that moment.

Together we fed the dog and gave it some much needed affection. When the bell rang we reluctantly went to class, constantly staring out the window to see if the dog was still there, counting down the hours, minutes and seconds for our lunch break. When the bell finally rang we both hurried out and when I offered to share some of my lunch with Sam since he'd given away his entire lunch earlier, he shook his head, saying that the dog needed it more than him. I remember feeling my heart burst at his display of kindness and I felt as though I'd finally found a kindred spirit, somehow. We spent our entire lunch break together and when the school day ended, the dog was still waiting for us.

"I can ask my brother if we can take him," Sam had said, almost nervously as though he was worried that perhaps I wanted to take the dog with me as well.

My family already had quite a few dogs at home and I knew that although my Dad accepted it, he wouldn't be too happy with me for bringing yet another stray home with me. So, I quickly agreed. The answering smile that spread across Sam's face was one that I will never forget. I remember how a strange warmth began to build in the pit of my stomach and how my heart made a strange flutter in my chest. I didn't recognize it at the time, but it had been the beginning of my first crush… a crush that years later turned into an all-consuming love, until my world shattered, turning all that love into a bone-crushing heartbreak.

When Sam's older brother Paul came to pick him up, I remember the feeling of losing my breath. He'd been about 17 at the time and looked so tough and angry that he initially terrified me. But then our eyes met, and it was like a shock went through me that I couldn't understand. He reminded me of a hurt animal with his guard up. An animal that most people would steer clear of, but who in some strange way called out to me. His eyebrows had furrowed over his pitch black eyes in confusion, but he quickly averted his gaze and looked to his brother, then down to our scrawny and furry friend, before exhaling deeply.

"Alright then," had been his only reply before he led both Sam and the dog home.

A few months later, the Uleys minus their father, moved onto the ranch. Their mother was badly injured, and the blue and purple bruises on Paul's face were proof that he too had endured a beating. That was the first time I'd ever been witness to the effects of domestic abuse. Sam and Lucky, the dog we'd saved, flourished during their time at the ranch. My brothers took Sam in as one of their own and he quickly became a part of our family. Paul, however, struggled. I was just a kid, so I didn't understand much of what was going on, but I remember seeing him pick fights and pull away from everyone. Clearly wanting to be left alone. My young heart broke for him and I remember wanting to give him a hug, but not feeling brave enough to do so.

One day the boys decided they wanted to go cliff diving and refused to take me with them, saying it was a "guy" thing. I swore that I'd tell on them, but they just laughed and ran off. Paul must have seen the whole thing and for some reason he decided to help. I'd been crying my eyes out when he suddenly showed up on a dirt bike and told me to hop on. I didn't even hesitate. When we arrived at the swimming hole, I saw how shocked and angry my brothers were about our arrival, and for a second I considered running off, but then Paul confidently walked over to Jake (my eldest brother) and smacked him on the back of his head before ordering him to stop being so full of himself.

"Never ever put a person down so that you can feel better about yourself, especially not your sister," he'd said.

The rest of the day at the swimming hole had been perfect, and when I was able to prove to them all that I wasn't a coward by jumping off of the highest ledge of the cliff, Paul's smile had made me feel brave and special. Little did I know that later that evening he'd drop out of my life and I wouldn't see him until I was just shy of my 21st birthday.

"Leah!"

My body startles at the sound of my youngest brother Seth's voice. Pulling myself back from my memories I continue brushing Brownie's dark brown coat with firm strokes. Ever since I met Paul again at the Den a little over a week ago, memories from my past have kept flashing through my mind. Memories that I wish I could be able to put back into their box and lock away forever. Not because of Paul, but because of how each of those memories remind me of Sam. A boy that had quickly become my best friend, my boyfriend, and my everything. The boy I shared every single first with, including my first heartbreak. Tears begin to burn in my eyes and I quickly brush them away, clearing my voice before alerting my brother of my whereabouts..

"In here!"

It doesn't take long before my brother's lanky, teenage frame enters Brownie's stall. Glancing his way, I'm suddenly struck by how much older he looks. He's always been a good looking kid, but now I can see how handsome he's become in his white shirt and suit jacket. He must be driving the girls his age crazy already. Just like the rest of my brothers. I bite my bottom lip to keep myself from revealing my thoughts. As their only sister, I've taken it upon myself to personally drag my brothers' self-confidence down a few notches, especially in regards to the ladies. Nobody wants a guy who is full of themselves.

A mighty and forceful wave of agonizing grief rushes through me when my eyes fix on that black band around his arm. Immediately my throat tightens and tears blur in my eyes. I'm forced to turn away from him to regain some composure. I'm his big sister. I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I can feel him come up behind me, his frame already taller than I am, bulkier as well, just like my other brothers, but Seth has always been more sensitive and sweeter than the others. He's my baby brother and we've always had a very special connection.

"Leah?"

I can hear the deep sorrow in his voice and the unspoken question of how we are ever going to get past this. I turn and quickly wrap my arms around him, holding him tightly to me as I feel his entire body shake with sobs that I know he's been trying to hold back. I've seen him attempt to stay strong through all of this, just like I have. We're so similar he and I. Holding him close, I allow a few tears to fall, but I'm able to keep most of my grief at bay. I'm his rock, so I can't break down. Not yet anyway.

When I hear his sobs abate and feel the shudders in his body subside, I very carefully pull back. It takes every single ounce of strength that I have in me not to give into my grief when I see his tearstained face. I drop my brush so that I can lift both hands to his cheeks, gently brushing away his tears. My baby brother looks so broken and lost that my heart quite literally aches for him. Swallowing heavily, I take a deep breath.

"We all knew this day was coming, but all the preparation in the world can't take away the excruciating pain of losing someone that you love and hold dear. It's okay to grieve, Seth. It's okay to miss them. We just also have to remember to celebrate their lives and their love."

His face crumbles at my words and I can feel him lean heavily against me. I'm reminded of all of those times he'd come to me for comfort as a little boy. I wish I could take away his pain, but I know he needs to work through it himself, if he doesn't he'll never get past this. After a moment he begins taking deep and calming breaths, a technique I taught him when his emotions would build up and I join him, just like we've done so many times in the past. Soon I can see a change in him, he's calmer and more in control. I smile softly before releasing my hold on him. Walking around him, I pick up the brush I dropped and place it in its rightful place before giving Brownie a final pat.

"Sam and Emily are going to be out there," he says, his voice still a little shaky and rough from the aftermath of his tears.

It feels as though every single nerve in my body is suddenly alert and preparing for an attack. It takes every single thread of will-power to keep my face calm and collected.

"I know," I answer simply keeping my voice steady.

Seth's brow tightens and I can see the anger building there. I know I need to stop him before he says or does anything reckless.

"Seth, there wasn't anything they could do to stop the imprint, you know this."

"They still hurt you."

There is an edge to his voice that I haven't heard from him before. I'm shocked by how similar he is to Jake and my Dad, who are both extremely protective and powerful wolves in our Pack. Seth is still young, but he's strong and I have no doubt that he can cause quite a bit of pain if he'd ever get close enough to Sam to throw a punch.

"Yes, but I was the one who was stupid enough to start a relationship with someone before I knew if we were mates or not. They never meant to hurt me."

As the words fall from my lips, I know there is truth behind them, however there is a small part of me that wonders if there ever was anything more between my first love and my former best friend even before their imprint. We'd hung out a lot together. Had there been any signs and I'd only been too blind to see them? Shaking my head, I try to pull myself from that train of thought. This day is already difficult enough.

"We need to go," I say decisively, taking my brother's arm as we both make our way to the main house.

Just before we enter, my eyes catch sight of the large crowd that has grown exponentially since I entered the barn. There at the edge of our land, on a small hill bathed by the afternoon sunlight, is a small enclosure. The Swan Family Cemetery. Today, two new graves have been dug and our family must say our goodbyes to the loved ones we've lost. Each and every member of our Pack is present. They have all come to pay their respects and bid farewell to our Pack's beloved male and female Beta.

My Nanna and Pop.

Releasing a shaky breath, I enter the house that I basically grew up in. A house that always felt warm and welcoming, but today just feels strange… empty and cold. There is an unnatural silence echoing in the walls and a distinct heaviness that makes me want to run out the door as fast as I can. My heartbeats begin to accelerate at just the thought, but I know what my duties are and quickly force the muscles in my body to keep myself moving forward. As we enter the living room, I stumble clumsily over my feet. This is a room I've been actively avoiding all day up until now. Suddenly, I'm eternally grateful to have Seth's strong form by my side because he is quick to steady me. My hand tightens around his arm and I can feel him brace himself so that he can take more of my weight if it becomes necessary.

The room is almost unrecognizable and I can feel my knees buckle slightly at the sight in front of me before I am quickly able to steady myself again. Furniture has been moved away to make space and the room would look empty if it weren't for the overflowing amounts of flowers that have suddenly filled the room. The flowers, however, are not the cause of my physical reaction. No, the overwhelming grief that has suddenly hit me like a knife to the chest is caused by the presence of two very simple, identical wooden coffins placed smack in the center of the room. My breath catches and I discreetly pinch myself, hoping to all that is holy that this is just a horrible dream. The pain brings focus, however, and I'm able to pull myself together. This is not the time for me to break down. Right now, I need to stay strong and help my family get through this in any way that I can. When all this is over, and only then, will I find a quiet spot in the woods and grieve in my own way… alone.

Releasing Seth's arm, I walk with determined steps towards my mother. She, too, has put her game-face on and is flurrying around the room, silently organizing everything. I know she's exhausted after having watched over Pop day in and day out for months. Then her work suddenly doubled when she had to take care of Nanna as well because she too suddenly began to fade.

"What can I do?" I ask, my voice devoid of emotion.

My mother pauses and glances my way.

"Quahla," she whispers softly calling me by a nickname I've had ever since I was a little girl. The word means "sun" in my mother's Native language.

I shake my head once to show her that I can't take her comfort right now and luckily she knows me well enough to leave it be. Inhaling deeply, she looks down at the mountain of flowers around us.

"We must move all of these to the gravesite. It's almost time to carry the caskets and begin the ceremony outside," she explains in her native tongue and I begin to take action by delegating and giving instructions left and right.

My mother has always struggled with the English language and very rarely speaks up in larger groups. Being her voice is a role that I'm used to. Jake and Edward (our Pack's new Beta) begin carrying out some of the larger pieces, while my twin brothers, Quil and Embry, and Seth take charge of the smaller arrangements. Esme (our Pack's Alpha female) tells me that she'll join them outside and stay at the gravesite to help organize the flowers for when the ceremony begins. Sue, a good family friend, joins her. The room is quickly emptying and as everyone works to complete their tasks, I take a quick glance to see what's left.

My Dad and his older brother Charlie are both standing at the head of the two caskets almost as if they are frozen in some kind of state of shock. Carlisle (our Pack's Alpha) is at my father's right hand side doing his duty to show support to his pack members and "friends". My Dad and Carlisle have always been close, but now… I can feel the tension rolling off them in spades. It's so very strange to see them like this, but I understand my Dad's feelings completely. A roll of hot rage flows through me at the memory of every single horrible thing that was said at the Council meeting, but I quickly push it back. Now is not the time.

Instead, I allow my eyes to focus on Bella, my cousin and dear friend. She is standing next to her father, as far away from Carlisle as possible, with her arms wrapped around her father's waist to offer comfort. I remember liking her immediately when she and her father first returned. The instant connection we shared when we first met has grown into an ironclad friendship now. Bella is probably the closest friend I have and I regard her in many ways as my sister, not just my cousin and friend.

Her introduction to pack life has been tough and I feel fury sizzle within me when I think about all the pack members that have judged her and ignorantly still continue to do so. Our pack has been in an uproar ever since she and Edward imprinted just a few days ago and I know her new position as female Beta is not going to be easy. However, she has already surprised many of them with her extraordinary talent as an Earth Witch.

My mouth lifts into a soft smile when I think about how quickly she was able to set off and clear the pack's land of those truly horrific bear traps. A chill runs down my spine at just the thought of them. No one knows who is behind them, but the threat is obvious. Whoever it was, had meticulously planned this as an attack and the vast amount of traps and their concealment was proof of the damage "they" were trying to achieve. Bella had saved us by finding each and every one of those traps and removing them safely from our lands before they could cause any more injuries. My heart warms as my gaze lingers on her small and lean frame where she quietly, but with such grace, supports her father in his time of need. Bella has proven time and time again that she is loyal and I know without a shadow of a doubt that she will do everything she can to help the Pack. We wouldn't have been able to have an open funeral today if it wasn't for her.

Like many other mated couples, Bella appears to have become much stronger and more confident than before her imprint. It's a common occurrence as finding one's mate is often described as finding the other piece of your soul. The way Edward has changed as well is remarkable. I don't think I've ever seen him so protective and yet so grounded at the same time. Our new Beta has always been an extremely powerful wolf, but his animal's temper has always been volatile and many people have questioned his ability to keep a cool head. The way Bella has openly been able to soothe and help him focus, is absolutely mind-boggling. When the time comes for them to rise to their natural positions as Alphas… well… It will be a sight to behold. I just hope they are up for the hurdles and scorn they will have to overcome before the Pack finally accepts them as their leaders.

"Everything ready?"

A deep voice questions from behind me and I immediately turn to meet the dark chocolate eyes of my eldest brother. My mouth instantly runs dry, because I know what needs to happen next and I clench my teeth tightly together to brace myself for it. Jake must see some of the struggle on my face, because he lightly brushes my fingers with his and gives them a reassuring squeeze before moving towards our Dad.

Dad gives Jake a solemn nod and takes a step towards one of the caskets. Uncle Charlie does the same with the remaining casket. In turn, Carlisle takes his place on the opposite side of my Dad and Edward moves to stand on the other side of Uncle Charlie. Then the rest of us find a spot. Bella steps forward as well and grabs a handle behind Edward and I decide to do the same at the opposite casket. My fingers tremble slightly and I can feel how sweaty my palm is against the cold, metal handle. Nausea bubbles within me and I know it's because my mind is struggling to accept the fact that both of my grandparents are gone. It's also because I'm suddenly reminded that the caskets we carry are housing their dead bodies. I inhale deeply through my nose and do my best to push away the nausea. Lifting my eyes, I focus my gaze on my father's strong frame in front of me.

Stepping out of the house, I can feel the weak rays of the setting sun on my face as we slowly make our way to the gravesite. It's a beautiful day and I can almost hear Nanna's voice ordering me to put away my computer, cellphone and veterinary books and join her for a walk in the sunlight. A single tear runs down my cheek before I can stop it because I realize that this is in many ways her final walk in the sunlight.

I tighten my grip on the handle and force myself to move forward. Around me I can feel the heavy gazes of my fellow pack members, but all I can do right now is focus on each and every step I have to overcome before finally arriving at their newly dug graves. I feel like we've been walking for miles and when we eventually set the casket down in the correct spot, my fingers almost aren't able to release the handle because I have been holding on so tightly.

Quil, who has been walking behind me, touches my lower back to gain my attention and gently guides me in the direction of an available chair in the front row. Jake moves from his spot next to Bella and motions for me to sit down between them. She takes my hand as soon as I find my seat and the warmth of her hand brings me comfort.

The ceremony passes by in a blur. All around me I can hear people crying, but not a single tear rises to the surface. I've put on my mask and it will stay there until I let it fall away. "This is not the time," I keep reminding myself. The copper taste of blood hits my tongue and I realize I've bitten the inside of my cheek so hard that I've begun to bleed. Instead of becoming alarmed by this, I welcome the distraction and the pain.

When the caskets begin to be lowered into the ground, I quickly look away. Panic has begun to set in and I have to flex each and every muscle to keep myself from bolting. My eyes wander blindly for a moment before they are suddenly captivated by a pair of dark onyx eyes. Instantly my breath catches and a strange awareness trickles down my spine. Paul is standing just at the edge of the forest, keeping a safe distance from the rest of the Pack. The panic I felt is quickly replaced by a very intense feeling of anticipation and excitement. It's an emotion I recognize from that evening at the Den where our paths surprisingly crossed again after 10 years. All of a sudden, I am hit by a wave of heat that quickly washes over my cold and numb body. I don't understand my reaction to him, but I don't even care. With just one look he's pushed away some of the pain, so instead of looking away, I keep my eyes fixed on his.

I can see a hint of confusion cross his face, but he holds my gaze as well. His eyes soften slightly and the compassion I feel radiating from him is like a warm blanket on a cold winter's night. I release a shaky breath, everything around me disappearing for a blissful moment. Paul raises one of his dark eyebrows in silent question. "Are you alright?" I shake my head once in response. His eyes burn into mine and I instantly feel a strong sense of comfort, almost as though he has wrapped me into his strong arms to shield me from this agonizing pain. He nods as though he means to say that he's here for me and understands what I'm feeling.

A large hand on my thigh brings me back to the present and breaks the powerful connection between Paul and I. My eyes shoot down to the large male hand on my thigh and my eyes quickly trace upwards to find its owner. Deep suspicion and distrust are clear to see on my eldest brother's face as he quickly finds what has been holding my attention. A surge of annoyance builds within me and I brush away his hand. Immediately his dark eyes find mine and I can see the silent question on his face: "What the hell are you doing?" If only I knew. My eyes hold his defiantly, ordering him to mind his own business. He might be the next one in line as Pack Beta, but that doesn't mean he could be a bully.

Out of all of my brothers, Jake was the one who took my "break up" with Sam the hardest. After the Uley's stayed at our ranch all those years ago, Sam became a part of our family and Jake's best friend and confidant. I also knew that Jake had had feelings for Emily and although they'd never moved further in their relationship, keeping it simply on a friendly basis, there had been an expectation that Jake and Emily would mate. When the imprint happened between Sam and Emily… Everything just went completely to hell.

Jake exhales deeply and quickly averts his gaze looking straight ahead. His features immediately darken with a deep rage and when I cast a glance to see what could cause such a reaction, I'm instantly met by a familiar pair of warm brown eyes. My heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat. I knew he'd be here, but all the preparation in the world hasn't lessened my reaction to him. Sam. I can see that he too is affected by my sudden attention and he almost looks as if he is preparing to stand up to talk to me. Panic rises and I quickly look away, grabbing Jake's hand tightly with mine to calm him down as well.

Luckily, we are both given a distraction. The others on our row stand as Uncle Charlie and my Dad move to take their place next to each of the two graves. Mom stands next to my Dad and Bella and Edward move to take their place next to Uncle Charlie. My Dad and his brother pick up a handful of dirt in their hands before throwing it into the deep hole housing each casket. Bella and my Mom are holding a beautiful white rose each and do the same. They stay put at the head of the newly dug graves, but now I realize that it is our turn and the urge to run away builds within me. Jake tightens his hold on my hand and suddenly each and every one of my brothers stand around me like a protective barrier. Walking together, we each pick up a flower from a large bucket near the graves. I'm immediately drawn to a beautiful sunflower and quickly pick it up. Seth and Jake follow me as we walk towards one of the graves as Quil and Embry go to the other one. We do our duty, as expected, but just the sight of that deep, dark hole makes me want to scream and object. How can we leave them there? This isn't right! My beloved grandparents are not supposed to be dead, they're supposed to be alive and well!

We all stand together as a family unit at the head of each grave as each and every member of the Pack comes forth to pay their respects. My gaze is fixed on that dark hole as I force myself to stay silent. I don't know how long we stand there, but finally Bella steps forward and takes her place between the two open graves. She then simply opens her palms as her arms hang loosely at her sides. Then suddenly the two piles of dirt slowly begin to move filling the two graves. A broken male sob fills the air and it takes me a moment to realize that it's my Dad. In front of me I can see how his shoulders shake violently as my Mom struggles to support his weight. Jake immediately steps forward and wraps his arms around our Dad's waist as Dad grieves for the loss of his two parents. The sight rips my heart in two and I can feel my throat grow tight and my eyes burn with unshed tears. I quickly look down and close my eyes. Focusing solely on my breathing and the rapid heartbeats ringing in my ears, I wait for this to pass.

Seth's soft touch against my lower back brings me back to the present and I'm surprised to see that not only have the graves been filled, but grass has already begun to grow and I know this is thanks to Bella. The different flower arrangements are beautifully placed around the two adjacent graves that share a stunning heart shaped headstone. Two swans are perfectly etched into the bottom of the stone and the simple inscription is clear and to the point.

In loving memory of

Henry Charles Swan

Hannah Bethany Swan

Your love has been

a light to us all

and it shall continue

to shine

always

"You okay?"

I jump slightly at the soft female voice next to me. Forcing my eyes away from the headstone, I'm met by Bella's friendly, dark caramel eyes. Inhaling deeply, I hold my breath for a second before giving her an honest answer.

"No," I pause. "I just want this day to be over."

Her eyes soften and she nods, reaching out to take my hand.

"Yeah," she agrees.

Glancing around us, I can see that the whole pack has moved to the changing rooms near the barn. The sun is rapidly setting and from where we are standing I can see that the sky has begun to change color. The view is breathtaking. Bella inhales deeply and when I look in her direction I can see an almost serene look on her face. She must feel my gaze on her, because she quickly opens her eyes and her cheeks flush slightly.

"I was just connecting to the Earth," she explains.

"This is a beautiful spot, Leah. Even in their death they will stay connected to a land that they have lived on all for most of their lives. This is what they would have wanted."

I ponder her words for a second because I know what she's saying is true. Although it gives a small sense of comfort, the grief within me has begun to boil. I won't be able to hold this in for much longer.

"We need to go and phase," I tell her in a lifeless voice and begin to walk towards the barn.

Bella rushes to follow me and I force myself to walk a little slower so that we can walk together. We do so in silence. Most of the pack members have already phased and the changing rooms are mostly empty. Just as we are about to step into the female section of the changing area, I'm met by the face of a person that I know all too well. The face belongs to my former best friend who I've been actively avoiding for almost four months. My best friend, who I immediately befriended when she moved here when we were 10. My best friend, who supported my relationship with Sam and was there every step of the way, all of those phone calls and girl's nights… She'd been the first one I called at every single milestone of mine and Sam's relationship. We'd dreamt up such a future together, planned… well everything. Then without warning, an evil twist of fate caused me to lose my first love and my best friend in one day. This was NOT something I was ready to deal with right now.

"Leah!"

The longing and obvious hope in her voice sends a rush of hurt through me and I quickly turn to flee the scene. I don't care that my clothes will be ruined in the process. All I care about is getting away from her, away from the additional pain, so I quickly allow my wolf to rise to the surface. I feel the familiar rush of heat and excited thrill that always rises just before each shift and then I can hear my clothes rip as my wolf takes over our physical form. I'm running as fast as I can while my body shifts and as soon as my wolf's paws hit the ground, I'm able to speed away like a bat out of hell. My wolf is a fast runner, perhaps even the fastest in the entire Pack, and it doesn't take long for her to create a large distance between us and the ranch. She isn't even breathing heavily when I finally ask her to slow her steps.

My wolf and I have always had a solid relationship and we are very similar. She's fiercely protective of her loved ones or anyone she feels is treated unfairly, she's hot-tempered and quick to react. Just like I am. She and I have always been very attuned to one another and we've never really been at odds. She too loved Sam and his wolf with an intensity that fueled my belief in thinking that he and I were meant to be. However, in retrospect I can see subtle hints that led me to believe that it was the close friendship between us and Sam that she valued; not the romantic relationship in itself. That had been all me. I, the human, had been the one to take matters into my own hands. I had been the one to convince Sam to take the plunge when we were both at the tender age of 16. I had been the one who decided not to listen when everyone told us to wait; for us to have patience… I was the one at fault, no one else. And the overwhelming sense of guilt that haunts me day in and day out… makes me feel like I can't breathe.