On Hold

The quiet in the complex was unbearable. Azula hasn't took notice how long she had herself locked in the bath but as she finally dared to leave it Katara was gone.

She was alone.

Again.

Sokka didn't return this evening. Azula found herself sitting and waiting for him to show up with food like all the time before but hours passed by and the loneliness and the choking silence let an uncomfortable feeling growing stronger. The Firebender tried her best to distract herself but her mind wouldn't stop wandering back to the events from this morning.

Sokka had probably left her behind. He definitely has learned the vital lessons to survive. Everyone abandoned her sooner or later.

She should be happy cause she had reached her goal. She was alone again. She has taught him well and has also proved him how stupid his idea has been to stay in this misery with her. No one who could hurt her or tell her lies how life could be fine again.

No lies that anyone would care for her.

No lies that she wouldn't deserve all of this.

No lies that she wasn't a failure.

Azula nearly dropped the book she was holding in her hand as she heard the main door of the complex getting unlocked. Her heart was hammering in her ears and she tried best to compose herself. It was so irritating why this simple sound was making her so nervous. What was she hoping for, what…

The gentle knock at her door let her heart skip a beat. Azula cursed herself for being so ridiculous weak. It was only a stupid peasant. She took a deep breath.

"You may come in."

She was about to set up her accusing face for Sokka but the sight of a terrified staff member with her dinner was like a punch in her guts. It was her luck that she was still sitting on her chair otherwise she was sure she would have had to take seat.

The man was trembling badly and tried twice to speak up but failed. Azula released a sigh and nodded at the table.

"You may leave the food. I'm neither in the mood for roasted duck nor for roasted butt, still I might change my mind later so better leave me your favorite option before I choose mine."

Under normal circumstances it would have been amusing to see even more color fading from the man's face as he placed the food on the table beside Azula, but this sad and disappointing feeling had drown any sort of amusement this scenery was offering for her. The man bowed nervous and was leaving her room but stopped at the door. He was feeling most uncomfortable, obviously.

"What else? You may keep the desert, just leave me alone."

Azula's patience was running low. All these confusing signs of her own weakness was finally letting her anger bubbling up and she wasn't sure if she could keep this frustration in bay for much longer. The man turned back to her and bowed again.

"I… I'm… I'm sorry, but I also have a message form the ambassador."

Azula inhaled sharp which let the man flinch and taking a step back from her. She could see the pure panic in his eyes. The former Princess closed her eyes to level her emotions. She had made fists and felt her nails pressing painful in her palms so she focused on this pain. It was easier as trying to control her fear and anger which was roaring in her right now.

"You can keep this as well. I don't want to hear it. Now leave."

The man bowed hasty and rushed out of the complex. Azula waited until she heard the main door getting locked again before she dared to release an anguished scream. Her first instinct was to trash the whole furnishing into pieces. Blue fire was dancing dangerously on her palms and she readied herself to blast a shelf into pieces. He would never come back down here. They probably wouldn't let him after she had hurt him, ambassador or not. And more important he didn't need her anymore. She had fulfilled her purpose.

Her breath was ragged and she was about to throw the fireball as she noticed the covered mirror.

It was an ridiculous idea.

She wasn't real.

And she never showed up when asked for.

Only when she felt like she would burst to see her misery.

But on the other hand…

Azula let her flame die and walked to the mirror. She laid her hand on the fabric and closed her eyes.

"You're here mother, aren't you? To watch my misery?"

She pulled the fabric off and after some seconds she dared to open her eyes. Azula watched at her pale reflection. She was alone and the bitterness and pain was brining tears back to her eyes.

"Of course. You're never here when I needed help mother. You never was."

She turned back and walked to her bed and let herself fall on it, feeling fresh tears coming to her eyes.

"Would you have accepted my help anyway, Azula?"

Azula stopped crying instantly but didn't dare to turn back to the mirror. This was unexpected.

"You always preferred your own way my dear and in case of council it has always been your father who was your favorite choice."

Azula sat up and turned back to the mirror. Ursa was sitting beside the firebender's reflection on the bed with a shy smile but also deep worries in her eyes. Azula turned her head to check the bed beside her, but it was empty. Normally Ursa would be gone when she would look back at the mirror so she kept her look focused on the empty place on her bed.

"This is no excuse for not trying to help me."

The silence was prove enough for her suspicion. It was as ever. Even her illusion wasn't here when she needed it. It has been such a silly idea. Lies remain lies even if she was lying to herself.

"He hasn't left the asylum yet. There is always hope for a new chance."

Azula's heart skipped a beat. Ursa's voice was warm and a bit teary, but the voice was there. The Princess dared to take a look at the mirror again and she could see Ursa still sitting beside her reflection. The vision of her mother had tears in her eyes and she hesitated a moment but finally she dared to stroke the cheek of Azula's reflection gently. The Princess's heart stopped for a moment, cause she could almost feel the touch. She pressed her own hand carefully on her cheek and closed her eyes.

"You don't have to trust me, Azula. Just trust yourself."

Azula's eyes jumped wide open. She was up instantly and sprinted out of her room, rushing towards her old cell. She ripped the door open and her heart made a jump.

Sokka's bag was still there, his clothes and belongings he had taken down here were still there. He hadn't left her behind so far. There was still a chance he would come down to her again. Azula noticed a teary laughter escaping her mouth. To see his stuff still down here gave her hope. Hope she had never expected. It was ridiculous. This stupid annoying peasant has given her hope.

The annoying and naive one, who has tried everything to make her feel less miserable, who has endured being bossed around.

Her smile faded.

The witch has been right, she had torn him apart from this person during the last weeks. She had replaced this person by the only one she really couldn't stand since years.

Azula felt a little smile around her lips and a new excitement growing inside as she returned to her quarter. The mirror only showed her own reflection as she entered her room. Ursa was gone. She has been right. They haven't bound her again so far. They still brought her food and haven't taken her the freedom Sokka has given her. And his belongings are still here.

Azula took place on the table and started to eat her thoughts wandering around Sokka. This time she had to be more careful. She hasn't paid enough attention to all the things he has revealed about his reasons, so if she wanted to solve this riddle she had to collect the pieces of the puzzle she already found so far and had to take a look what kind of picture they would reveal to her. It would be a starting point.