Take this Job and Shove It

by Tropicwhale

disclaimer: Not mine

Warnings: Spike's foul mouth, language.

Author Notes:

Chapter 18

The Immortal

We all sort of stared at her, blankly.

"My name, my true name is Turan." We all sort of stare at her some more "…..Goddess of…." She rolls her eyes. "The Romans called me Venus….I gave suckle to Romulus and Remus when their grandfather cast them out? As the she-wolf?" She rolls her eyes. "I truly hate those Christ lovers. Needless reboots all over the place. Book, Twilight. Now." I round on Sandra.

"What about Conny?" Beatrice looks at me.

"He is Maris. My husband." She states

"Wot?"

"What. You didn't think there was only one Immortal. Did you? That would be so boring."

"I uh…"

"Shoot them." Twilight said and his men settled into…they all seemed to be having issues with their weapons. I look at Beatrice...Turan.

"That you?" She nods. And then the guns of the opposition go flying, sometimes into each others faces. In a few moments, only Twilight was left standing. Turan approaches him, grabs him around his neck and then lifts him up.

She then flings him across the width of the corridor and he just hits the wall and slumps. "If he twitches. Kill him." she skips over the fallen bodies and disappears deeper into the recesses of the catacombs.

"Buffy?" I ask.

"Yeah, I don't know either." Xander. I turn around and am facing a wall of black clad muscle.

"Oi, I need to check on my boyfriend. Move." The two men look at me and I wave them to one side with a quick impatient gesture. "Also, that fucker" I point at the once again downed Riley. "Shot Xander, you can just feel free to...riddle him with bullets."

"Spike." Buffy states in a shocked voice. Fake Buffy. Don't actually care about what she thinks. The men shuffle. I muscle through them and to Xander who is laying with the medic (I presume) over him. My boy's eye is closed.

"Is he?" I ask, I have to swallow before I can finish the question "Dead?"

"Nah. I'm only mostly dead. If I was all dead, there's not much you could do...except rifle through my pockets to look for loose change." I choke. Xander opens his eye. "Hey. Your phone is dead but I'm not." He holds up the mostly shattered piece of technology. "Also, tact gear. Yay bullet proof vests." I let out a whoosh of air.

"He'll be fine. Bruised to hell, and he got a concussion when he hit the ground but this...the phone is the only thing really damaged."

"Willow enhanced bullet proof vests." Xander explains.

"Can you stand?" I ask. Xander nods and gets up.

"Sir, you've been shot."

"He's fine. You just said so."

"Spike, she's talking about you." I look at the medic. That's a woman? Wow. I couldn't have guessed. Damn nice biceps, though. I shake myself. Don't really matter.

"Vampire. Minor nuances. I may have clobbered Finn for you." Xander stood.

"Good."

"Uh...I should still remove the bullets?" Medic states-questions.

"Later. Hey, Buffy?" I call. And Xander and I make our way back to the front of the crowd.

"Yes, Spike?"

"Xander's not dead. But can I pretty pretty please with sugar on top still rip Iowa's face from his neck?"

"Face from his neck?" Xander stated. I roll my eyes. Like Slayer, like Scooby.

"It...look, our side used all the quip points for the night when Buffy stated that she only used the good one liners on A class villains which isn't how she catalogues Twilight and it made me so very happy. That was-" I walk over to Buffy, take her hand and kiss it proper. "The best burn I have ever seen you do. It was a work of art and I will never be able to surpass it. Ever. So beautiful. I will cherish this memory for centuries."

"Spike." Buffy drawled, and my heart ached a little because it sounded...perfect. "Let go of my hand." And then that ache twisted because...Sandra was a supremely good actor and knew her role. I smile and let go. I turn and face Xander.

"Face from his neck. Off with it."

"I-just...no? I'm gonna go with no." Just then Turan returned. "Uh? Guys?"

"Oh, Xander, meet Turan, Etruscan Goddess of Love, Fertility and Health. The Immortal Protector of The Seven Hills." She grinned at me.

"See, I knew I liked you for a reason."

"Does that mean I can visit your city?"

"No. Vampires are not welcomed here."

"But why?" I whined. She smiled and I knew I wasn't going to get an answer.

"That is another story." And she smiles all mysterious. "I believe there was a bargain?"

"The book." I say. She holds it up. I go to grab it and she pulls it away from me in the last moment. Grins up at me and inhales. I may watch her chest move. It's a good chest. Her grin expands.

"I need another bargain from you vampire."

"Yeah. What?" She grins at my tone.

"I need you to take this book somewhere specific. I need you to return it to it's keepers so that it cannot fall into the hands of the forces of evil."

"What do we get out of it."

"I am going to patch you and your lover up. And give you the necessary transportation to get there safely."

"Why would I agree to that." She smile a smile most unpleasant and I knew I was going to hate the next words out of her mouth.

Author After Notes: I fucking love Turan. And she's a bit character here. Dammit. I keep writing these awesome lower level characters I can't use anywhere else. Dammit. Xander's not dead! yay!

Love from the Dorkside;

Tropic