Previously: Kraggok's pointed teeth flashed in a grin. "Do you? Well, I also happen to have something for you. I found the owner of that wand."
"Oh? Is it a name I will recognise?"
"I should think so. It used to belong to Lucius Malfoy."
Chapter Fifteen: The Arrest
What could Lucius have wanted with that wand?
An absurd mental image assaulted Severus: Lucius taking over the Dark Lord's body, then letting out a blood curdling scream when he realised he could never again have a long, luxurious head of hair.
No. Probably not.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Severus sighed. Showing up on Lucius's doorstep himself was an option, but not a particularly good one. Neville Longbottom would be greeted with a slammed door. Severus could use another batch of Polyjuice Potion, but while he was stuck in this body, he did not have his usual powers of Legilimency. He had no idea whether the Malfoys bore any sort of grudge against him.
Lucius might know some easier way of reversing the spell. Was it worth the risk when Severus was so close to being himself again?
Kraggok hobbled over to the bubbling orange potion and gave it a sniff. "Huh. Smells good."
It smelt like white spirits and parsley. Severus and Hermione had to cast Bubble-Head Charms when they worked on it, as getting too close to the fumes made them dizzy. So few potions were developed for goblins. The entire field was a near blank slate, ripe for research. Once this nonsense was resolved, it could keep Severus occupied for years to come.
Hmm. Severus had promised Hermione a failsafe to protect both himself and Longbottom when the switch was made. The comment had been to placate her, but he did have an idea.
"Kraggok," he said. "I wonder if I might ask one more favour of you."
"Oh? Is that why you brewed a potion for my back?"
"Obviously," Severus drawled.
Kraggok let out a rusty chuckle. "All right. What do you need?"
It was a shame the seriousness of the situation meant the time for pranks was over. Severus had missed his opportunity to use Hugo's excellent—if puerile—suggestion of a magical whoopee cushion.
Severus went with Hermione to fetch her father from Potter's house. As far as Skeeter knew, David had been in Leicester, visiting a friend she hated in a city she loathed. He had actually been in Potter's spare room, being thoroughly examined by a few of the Ministry's memory magic experts, creating an ironclad case against Skeeter. If she was released on a technicality, the Aurors would never find her again. She would shrink down to a beetle, hop on a Muggle plane, and vanish.
Severus hoped that confronting Skeeter when she was expecting a quiet dinner with her stepdaughter and husband would help them catch her off-guard.
"All right, Dad?" Hermione asked.
"Can't complain."
Severus rather thought he could, but never mind.
Potter accompanied them to "dinner." His presence was, Severus had to admit, unfortunately necessary. And Potter hadn't mangled the investigation too horribly. Perhaps he was almost competent.
Gods. Severus needed to lie down until that thought went away.
Several of Potter's Aurors were already hidden outside, bringing up the most powerful anti-Animagus ward Severus had ever seen. Good. Skeeter would not be allowed to hurt anyone else Hermione cared about.
Unlocking the front door, David ushered them all inside and called out to announce their arrival. Skeeter's wand lay on a side table, as if she believed herself perfectly safe. Dunderhead. Severus pocketed it.
"How was Phil, dear?" Skeeter asked, simpering at Potter before David had a chance to respond. "Harry! So good to see you. It's been far too long."
It had been since Hugo's birthday party—a couple of months. Seeing Skeeter every few decades would be too often, as far as Severus was concerned. He suspected Potter agreed with him.
"Oh, Hermione, dear," Skeeter said. "You look so tired. Aren't your children letting you sleep?"
Rather than the usual clench of her jaw, Hermione responded with a knowing grin. "I'll be sleeping much better from now on, thanks." Reaching into her bag, she tugged out her copy of Hermione Granger: Golden Girl or Gold Digger and shoved it at her stepmother. "Interesting reading. I wonder how you managed to find out so much about me."
"Rita," David said. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"
If David anticipated a tearful confession, he was going to be sorely disappointed.
"I think you should be asking that question of your daughter," Skeeter said. "I don't know what this—" she waved the book, "is." Leafing through it, she put on a fake, concerned frown. "Oh, Merlin. I never wrote… I know you have a problem with me, Hermione, but don't you care about your father's happiness? Why would you try to sabotage his marriage like this?"
Severus's eyebrows shot up. Perhaps casting a blinding hex on Potter would be prudent. Best friend or no, Severus couldn't allow the Head Auror to bear witness to Hermione forcefully Side-Along Apparating Skeeter off to the Forbidden Forest and throwing her to the centaurs.
"You did a fine job of sabotaging it on your own, Rita," Potter said. "You're under arrest for using magic on Muggles."
His Incarcerous was swift, ropes binding Skeeter's arms to her sides before she could squawk out a protest.
"It took a while," Hermione said, "but I finally worked out where you've been getting all of your information. Ministry officials confirmed it just before we came here."
Drawing herself up as much as she could, Skeeter looked down her nose at Hermione. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Though Merlin knows I have reason to do something like that. Imagine someone your daughter's age imprisoned you for days, with nothing to do but wonder whether she would let you die. And then that same child blackmailed you, jeopardising your career. Would you not hold a little bit of a grudge? Especially if that child grew up to be worshipped by everyone in the wizarding world?"
Thank Merlin Skeeter hadn't been in the Dark Lord's inner circle during the war. Their combined monologuing would have done Severus's head in.
"I wouldn't use magic on innocent people in order to get back at someone," Hermione said. "I doubt you'll believe that's true, but I suppose you'll have plenty of time on your hands to really, really think about it. Enjoy Azkaban."
Potter steered Skeeter towards the front door. As they retreated, Severus aimed a hex of his own design at Skeeter's back. It would cause her already flourishing moustache to grow double-time while she awaited her trial. Perhaps the time for pranks was not entirely over.
"Well," Hermione said a bit shakily, raising up a hand to count items off on a list. "So far we've had children finding a hidden door to a magical cottage, a Half-Blood Prince waking from an enchanted sleep, and an evil stepmother's plans being thwarted. What do you think will be next?"
"The stepsisters you've never told me about are going to chop off their heels and toes in an effort to squeeze their feet into your glass slipper?"
She laughed. "I should have known you'd say something like that."
"The original, unsanitised fairy tales were far more interesting."
"All the same, I think I'd rather live in a sanitised version."
"Very well, if you insist, but I will not be singing insipid songs to any forest creatures."
"Hmm. We'll see."
Severus accompanied Hermione back to her house. Had he known that Ronald and both Granger-Weasley children would come out to greet them, he would have made his excuses in David's garden and hurried back to Grimmauld Place.
As always, Hugo ran full tilt towards Severus, arms held wide for a hug. Rose followed at a more sedate pace. Severus had only met her in passing at Hugo's birthday party, but now she was home for Christmas. He supposed he would need to become accustomed to her presence as well. Thankfully, she did not seem to require an embrace.
"Uncle Neville," she said. "Did I leave Hesper at your house before I left for school? I haven't been able to find her anywhere."
Hesper. Other than Hesper Starkey, the potioneer, Severus knew of no Hespers. Was it some sort of cuddly toy, perhaps?
"I don't think so," he said. "I'll have a look when I get home."
Longbottom could soon search for Hesper himself, assuming all went well.
Crossing her arms, Rose raised her eyebrows. "You could hardly miss her, could you? Three foot tall toy hippogriff? She kind of sticks out."
Shite.
"You know, when I found out that Professor Snape—" Rose's tone put scare quotes around the name, "—would be teaching us Herbology, I jumped at the chance to ask him some questions about Potions. Only, he had no idea what he was talking about. I mean, no idea. I thought maybe that long enchanted sleep had left him with some sort of memory damage, but he knew tonnes about Herbology. Why would he remember so much about that, and not the subject he used to teach? Then Hugo mentioned in a letter that there was something off about Uncle Neville."
"Did he?" Severus asked.
"Not in a bad way!" Hugo said. "Just, you've been different."
"Well, it's getting fixed soon, so we may as well tell them," Ronald said, barrelling on without consulting Severus. "Kids, Uncle Neville and Professor Snape accidentally switched bodies, but your mum is putting them back day after tomorrow."
Rose gave Severus an irritatingly triumphant grin. He should have seen this coming. She was, after all, the daughter of the only student who had worked out that Lupin was a werewolf. Severus had given that werewolf lecture to every single class, from first year up to seventh. Idiots.
"It was you this whole time?" Hugo asked in a soft voice. "I've been hugging Professor Snape?"
"You have indeed."
"Wow. Lily is never going to believe this."
"Probably not, but you can't tell her just yet," Hermione said. "How long have you known, Rosie?"
"Well, I was never completely sure, but I knew something was going on. When Scorpius's dad visited, Professor Snape seemed so nervous that I cast the slug-vomiting hex on Al just to give me an excuse to get the professor out of there."
"Rose!" Hermione said, her scolding almost drowned out by Ronald and Severus's combined laughter.
Laughing with Ronald, rather than at his expense. Severus shook his head. His post-war life was truly bizarre.
Malfoy Manor looked just as it always had: same diamond-paned windows, same wide expanse of perfectly manicured grass, same bloody peacocks strutting around. It could just as easily have been nineteen minutes instead of nineteen years since Severus stood at the gates. His shields tried to slam up, like a muscle memory that had followed him into a different body.
Not that it currently looked like Longbottom's body. He had choked down another goblet of Polyjuice in order to appear before the Malfoys as himself.
The last time he had been a guest at Lucius and Narcissa's home, Severus had listened to a panicked Narcissa recount the tale of how they'd briefly had Potter in their grasp. Bellatrix's torture of Hermione had been an aside, barely worth a mention. Severus had stood silently and pretended he didn't care that his brightest student had become one of Bella's playthings.
Hermione's palm slid against his, pulling him out of the memory as their fingers laced together.
"You don't have to be here," he said.
"I know, but I am anyway." She squeezed his hand once before releasing him. "Let's go."
A young, perky house-elf answered their knock, nearly tripping over her own feet in her eagerness to usher them to a sitting room. Severus supposed Lucius's treatment of house-elves must have improved after seeing how loyal his former elf had become to Harry Potter.
"Ah," Lucius said in a jovial tone as he swept into the room. His hair was whiter than it used to be. Deeper lines bracketed his mouth. "I was wondering when you'd show up, Turncoat. Good gods. I can put all of the spying and lies behind us, but honestly. Look at you. I should throw you out on your ear for looking so infuriatingly young."
Severus snorted. "My apologies."
Lucius gave an airy wave. "I will get past it, somehow." Letting his gaze drift over to Hermione, he raised an eyebrow. "Healer Granger."
"Mr Malfoy."
Lucius had always been a gossip. Back at Hogwarts, he had claimed he collected information about the affairs of others because such secrets might prove useful. Severus knew Lucius's true motivation had been the dark glee he felt upon hearing secrets that never should have reached his ears. It was for this reason that Severus reached across the space between himself and Hermione and once again took her hand.
Lucius's face creased into a grin. "Turncoat. This is unexpected. No wonder we haven't seen you before now. You've been otherwise occupied. Completely understandable. Tell me, what does Potter think of his most hated professor taking up with Granger?"
"Mr Malfoy, are you implying that I'm involved with Dolores Umbridge?" Hermione asked.
Chuckling, Lucius shook his head. "I wouldn't dare. My apologies, I've been a terrible host. Would either of you like some tea?"
Hermione bristled at being served by the over-enthusiastic elf, but wisely said nothing. Severus let Lucius ramble for a while about everything that had happened over the past two decades. Little input was required from Severus and Hermione. When Severus could not take one more story about what a prodigy young Scorpius was, he cleared his throat.
"I have a confession," Hermione said. "I had an ulterior motive in accepting Severus's invitation to accompany him here. I have a very tricky case at work—two cases, actually—and I think you might be able to help me cure them, Mr Malfoy."
One corner of Lucius's mouth quirked up. Flattered? Amused? Looking forward to denying her any assistance?
"I am all ears," Lucius said.
In a businesslike tone, Hermione relayed the story of her two "patients" who had used the pointed ebony wand and switched bodies. In her version, Severus had helped her research a method to return their souls to their proper places. She claimed it had been Potter's investigative work that had led her to think Lucius might have some knowledge of the wand.
"I see," Lucius said. "Something fitting that description belonged to my late father, yes, but I'm sorry to tell you that I know nothing of its powers. All I knew before today was that it was not a true wand. Narcissa had a clear out after the dust settled and our home was our own again; I suspect it was thrown out then."
A lie. Lucius knew exactly what it did. Most likely, the wand had been meant as an escape route for Draco. The Malfoys would do anything to protect their son, as Severus knew all too well. The only snippet of truth in what Lucius had said was that the wand had been disposed of after the close of the second war. This made sense; Lucius would not have wanted anything so dark knocking around the manor when the Aurors came calling.
Not that Severus believed for a second that Lucius didn't have a few trinkets stashed away somewhere. He was still Lucius Malfoy.
As they had agreed before their arrival, Hermione excused herself a short time later, asking the elf to show her the way to the loo. Severus turned a knowing stare on Lucius.
"Shame about Granger's patients," Lucius said. "Anyone I know?"
"I can't say, I'm afraid. Patient confidentiality."
"Ah. Of course." Lucius took a sip of tea. "It is good to see you, Turncoat. Truly."
"You are going to insist upon calling me that, I take it?"
"Well, when you vanish for nineteen years, you forfeit the right to have a say in such things."
"Hmm. Arguable." Adding a drop of milk into his tea, Severus mulled over his next words. "I don't suppose there is anyone left who might be able to offer a solution for Granger's patients?"
"No, I don't believe so. I doubt there is anything that can be done for them. Who would have though some old trinket of my father's could cause so much bother?"
Severus huffed out a laugh. "Anyone who met him."
"Well. Yes. Fair point." Lucius grinned. "I heard about Granger's recent troubles with Rita Skeeter. Did I ever tell you that Skeeter came to me once, just before the end of the war? My father must have told her about that ebony wand; she attempted to purchase it from me. How fortunate for Granger that I refused."
Severus's blood ran cold at the thought of what could have been: Skeeter stealing Hermione's body, taking over her life. Severus would have never had whatever it was he and Hermione were building towards. And without Hermione and Ronald choosing to raise their children at the edge of that forest, Severus might have remained asleep. Hugo couldn't have found the door if he didn't exist.
Swallowing over the sudden lump in his throat, Severus nodded. "It is."
"I never, ever thought I would be grateful for Lucius Malfoy," Hermione said as she and Severus darted around a peacock and crossed through the Malfoys' gate. "It's been nineteen years, and I'm just about used to being glad Narcissa was there to save Harry's life. This is… It's going to take more than nineteen years."
"Yes, I imagine so." He paused long enough to hold her arm and spin on the spot, transporting her back to Grimmauld Place. "Lucius will not make the process any easier, I assure you."
Laughing and a little dizzy from the Side-Along, she leant closer. Not long until he looked like this full time. Like himself. The thought made her feel light and warm and almost invincible. So much of what they'd learnt recently had been equal parts terrifying and rage inducing, but they had won. They were almost out of the woods.
"Are you ready for tomorrow?" she asked. Outside the pages of her notebook, she didn't quite have the nerve to add, Are you ready for me to Side-Along you to my bedroom?
"More than ready. I could have lived a full, meaningful life without magic, but under no circumstances can I do so as Neville Longbottom."
Giving him a light shove, she rolled her eyes. "He is my friend, you'll recall."
"Yes, he is. We all have our faults, Hermione."
The retort perched on the end of her tongue dissolved as his mouth met hers. Long fingers cradled her face, tilting her head back. Everything about this was still so new, setting her pulse racing with the bright thrill of it, but his lips, his arms wrapping around her—those already felt familiar.
"Was that just to shut me up?" she asked.
"No. Not entirely." With a gentler version of his usual smirk, he tucked a wayward curl behind her ear. "The Polyjuice will soon wear off. I could not wait forever for your redoubtable Gryffindor courage to make itself known."
Hermione snorted. "Severus?"
"Yes?"
"For the record: this is to shut you up."
She kissed him again.
Notes: Thank you to buttons1721 for suggesting that Lucius might have wanted to steal Voldemort's identity, which led me to the same mental image that Severus had. And thank you to everyone who helped me out when I was screaming at this chapter—especially Vitellia for beta reading and Morbidmuch for alpha reading.
Also, it has recently been brought to my attention that I've never mentioned my tumblr username in the notes of my fics. It's turtlewexlerwrites if you want to come say hi.
Only one more chapter to go. xx