Chapter 16

Songs

Goner, Twenty One Pilots
Up In the Air, Thirty Seconds to Mars
I Will Not Bow, Breaking Benjamin
Are We All We Are, P!nk

*Link to YouTube playlist in chapter 1!

Edward

The screen door of the trailer snaps shut, and I make a beeline toward my bike.

"Uncle Edward! Where you goin'?" Sammy shouts as he chases after me.

"I need to get back to the shop, bud." I pull my brain bucket from the handlebars and slip it onto my head, throwing my leg over the seat of my bike. "Why don't you go on inside? Your mom was getting dinner started."

"Will you be back later?" His eyes, so much like his mother's, are so sad, it almost weakens my resolve to get the fuck out of here.

"Maybe tomorrow, okay?"

"'Kay." He runs back toward the house but slows to holler over his shoulder. "Love you, Uncle E!"

"Love you too, Sam," I say to myself once he disappears inside.

I start my bike and pull out onto the street, only making it to second gear before I reach Hawk waiting in the shade at the end of the block.

"Everything okay?" he asks as I roll up beside him.

"I'm gonna head over to the clubhouse. I'll send someone in my place as soon as I can."

"You didn't answer me, brother. Is everything okay?"

I give him a smart-assed grin. "Everything is peachy."

Before he can harass me about my shitty attitude, I take off, merging onto the main road to head into town. My head is a clouded, jumbled mess, and I wouldn't be able to explain how I'm feeling if I had to. I'm disappointed, hurt, angry with myself for opening my goddamn mouth … confused as all fuck. How we went from talking about that goddamn Panhead to me pressing Bella against her kitchen counter, kissing the hell out of her, I have no idea.

Everything about that woman mixes up my head. I've had no choice but to see her as my brother's wife for the last seven years, keeping a respectable distance. So, for all of the old feelings to bubble to the surface—and have no one standing in my way of acting on them—is a mind fuck of epic proportions.

To say I'm conflicted is almost laughable. One one hand, I have no right to even think about her that way. She was my brother's wife. The mother of my nephew. But on the other hand, Masen is gone. And if I'm recalling everyone's sins, he had no problem swooping in on Bella after I let her go. It took me years to get over that shit.

If I'm honest with myself, I'm not sure I ever really did.

For that brief moment when she kissed me back, it was … everything. Even when she pushed me away, she still held on. I have to believe she's feeling at least some of what I am.

The lot is hopping when I pull in, even though it's the end of the workday. I cut my engine and unclasp the strap of my helmet. "What's going on?" I ask Trigger as he walks past me toward the clubhouse.

"Your mom found out it's Rooster's birthday. Guess she thought it would be a tragedy to let it go uncelebrated."

"Of course, she did," I mumble as I stand and swing my leg over the seat.

Trigger grins. "I'll never turn down a reason to party."

"Shit."

"What?"

"I need to send someone over to Bella's to take my shift. No one's going to want to leave if there's a party going on."

He shrugs. "Probably not. I mean, you can send a prospect over. They can't exactly say no, but you might have trouble finding a patched member to take your place."

I look in the direction of the clubhouse, and several of the guys are already crowded around the grill, beers in hand. "I'll ask around. I'd rather send a member."

"Let me know if you can't get anyone to volunteer. I'll go if I have to. I mean, it's for Bella and Sammy. But I'd rather stick around." His face breaks out into a wide smile. "There are a few new mice scurrying around in there already," he says with a wink.

"You have fun with that."

He laughs and heads off in the direction of the clubhouse. I stay where I am, doing my best to get my head straight before I walk in there. In the past, I wouldn't hesitate to relax and enjoy myself with a girl or two. That's been my life for the last ten years; no pressure, no commitment. I've been free to enjoy myself with no one to answer to.

And even if my head is all fucked up with thoughts of Bella, I still have no one to answer to.

Realizing I've stalled long enough, I push off my bike and walk toward the crowd gathered outside.

"Hey, my man!" Jazz, whose lazy smile and drawn out speech tell me he's already a few drinks in, puts his hand out. I take it, and he pulls me in for a hug.

"How's it goin?" I slap his back as I pull away. "I didn't know we were having a party tonight."

Standing next to Jazz, Mac shrugs his shoulders. "Esme got a bug up her ass. Wouldn't let Rooster say no." His grin is wide. "We all know how persuasive she can be."

The corner of my mouth lifts. "That she can be."

A few more members roll up, no doubt here for the food and festivities. Relaxed greetings are given, and more beers are cracked open. When I excuse myself and step inside, I'm met with the usual party atmosphere. Drinks are flowing, the pool table is surrounded, and music and smoke fill the air. And Trigger is right, there are a few new pretty faces.

"Edward!" Mom's enthusiastic greeting has me just a little on edge. "I was hoping you'd get back in time."

"What brought all this on?" I ask, pointing toward the kitchen where the counters are covered with trays of food. "I'm sure Pop told you what's going on with the Kingsmen," I say quietly. "Maybe now isn't the best time for a party."

She waves me off. "Rooster is a nomad. He doesn't have a family to do this kind of thing for him. And besides, you all need a chance to blow off some steam. What better way to do that than to throw a party?" She turns to me and puts her hands on my arms, her face serious all of a sudden. "If things are going to be as bad as your father says, days like this will be few and far between. I want you to relax. Maybe meet some of the new girls. I'm not getting any younger and a few more grandkids wouldn't be a bad thing," she says with a grin and a raised brow.

"I'm not going to find the mother of your next grandchild hanging out in the clubhouse, Mom."

"Then where are you going to find her? Honestly, you spend all your free time here or at home in front of your damn TV, Edward. You're like an old 're never going to meet a decent woman that way."

It's my turn to raise a brow. "And you think one of these girls would be a decent woman?"

She purses her lips. "Well, you're never going to know unless you go and meet them. Now, go," she says, giving me a shove. "Introduce yourself. Mingle."

Kissing her cheek, I reach past her to grab a handful of potato chips from the bowl on the counter. I shove them in my mouth and smile, ducking out of her reach when she tries to swat me. I laugh as I walk toward the sofas, grabbing a bottle of water as I pass the open cooler.

"E!" Buzz shouts as I settle into the empty spot beside him.

"How's it goin', Prospect?"

"It's goin' good, man. Did you see the new girls?" He lowers his voice. "I heard they work with Mac's old lady."

"Is that right?" I turn to look over my shoulder, spotting my mother chatting up one of the ladies in question and wondering if she has any idea she's trying to set up her son with a porn star.

"Yep, and they were quite … enthusiastic when they got here a couple hours ago."

"I'll have to take your word for it." I'm more interested in finding someone to take my spot over at Bella's than finding someone to occupy my time tonight. I scan the room, looking for anyone who isn't drinking or being entertained by a mouse, but I come up empty. "Have you seen Carl?"

"He's in the chapel with a couple of the guys," Buzz says, thumbing over his shoulder.

"Thanks." I get to my feet and weave my way through the crowd toward the chapel, cracking open the door.

"Come on in, son."

I slip inside and close the door behind me. "What's up?" I ask, looking between Pop, Tank, and Boomer seated around the table.

"Boom got a call earlier," Tanks says. "Looks like Caius is sniffing around about Aro."

"Let him sniff," I say, stepping closer to the table. "He won't find anything. There's nothing left of the guy. I watched his ass burn up."

"He's harassing the guys at the strip club. He wants to see the security tapes," Boomer says.

I step forward and grip the top of a chair, my jaw tensing. "You took care of all that, didn't you? Tell me you took care of it, Boom."

"I did, E. But if he doesn't find anything, he's going to know someone cut the feed. He's going to figure it out eventually."

I look at Pop. He's seated at the head of the table, his hand absentmindedly rubbing at his chin.

"Pop?"

He looks up at me before looking at Tank and Boomer. "We probably don't have much time. Even without a body, he'll only ignore his VP being a no show for so long. Any day now he's going to figure out we had something to do with his disappearance."

"We can't let our guard down," Tank says. "Once he figures out Aro isn't just on a bender in Mexico, he's going to come for us. All of us."

"Which means we need to be ready to strike first," I say, looking up at all of them. "What's the plan?"

"I'm bringing Maggie here," Boomer says. "She's due in two months, and I can't risk her safety. I'm pretty sure Tracker is bringing Vick, too."

"Most of the guys are bringing their old ladies here for a few days," Pop interrupts. "She doesn't know it yet, but I'm sending your mother to Tahoe with your sister for a couple of weeks. Mac said Rose won't leave. And you've already made plans for Seth to get out of town, right?"

"Yeah, Ang and Ben are taking him to Cali. He thinks it's a late birthday present."

"And Bella and Sammy?" Pop asks.

I nod. "She said she'd send Sam with Seth."

"But she won't go?" Boomer asks.

I shake my head. "No. She said she can't afford to take that much time off work."

"Think she'll come here?" Tank asks.

I think about how we left things just an hour ago and my brow furrows. "I seriously doubt that."

"We'll need to figure out how to keep eyes on her while this shit goes down. It's going to be more difficult since we'll need all hands on deck when the time comes. And we'll all need to keep our ears to the ground and our eyes open, because once Caius realizes his brother isn't going to surface, he's going to be out for blood, not just territory. It'll be personal."

I nod. "I'll talk to her again."

"But in the meantime," Pop says, getting to his feet, "we have a party to attend." He walks toward the door and pulls Tank with him, saying something about getting a peek at the new eye candy.

Before Boomer can join them, I grab him by the arm. "Hey."

"What's up?"

"Do you think you can snag a prospect and head over to Bella's? I left Hawk there on his own, and we were out there all afternoon. He's going to need a break."

"Yeah, I can do that. Do I need to stay all night?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No, man. I just want to give Maggie a call."

"I'll send someone to relieve you in the morning once everyone has slept off tonight."

"Sure thing, brother. Whatever you need." He slaps me on the shoulder and walks out into the main room.

Under Mom's watchful eye, I mingle. I talk with the guys and meet a couple of the girls. One of them, a blonde named Heidi with tits she's obviously spent good money on, leans in too close, touches me too many times, and it grates on me. I excuse myself to join the guys outside, eating a burger and drinking a couple of beers. But as the evening passes and things start to get rowdy, I find I'm not in much of a partying mood. I try to slip away unnoticed, but I'm caught before I reach my room.

"Hey, handsome." Standing in the shadows of the hallway, Heidi is lying in wait for someone to pounce on. "You looking for some company?" She steps toward me and places her hands on my chest.

"You really shouldn't be back here, sweetheart. The party is out there," I say, tilting my head toward the main room.

Her mouth turns down into a pout. "I was hoping for a private party."

I grasp her wrists and slowly but forcibly remove her hands from my chest. I lean my head down and lower my voice to a growl. "You really shouldn't fucking touch me."

Leaving her gaping, I walk around her and down the hall, unlocking the door to my room. I close the door behind me and turn, thumping the back of my head against the wood a few times. The closed door muffles the sounds floating down the hall, effectively shutting out the noise.

But it does nothing to silence the noise in my head.

It feels wrong to be here, to sit and bullshit with the guys and be pawed at by a woman who would just as soon fuck the first willing member as she would me while Bella sits at home, probably over-analyzing what happened today. By now, she's no doubt convinced herself it was a mistake.

I'll just have to prove to her that it wasn't ... isn't.

I take off my boots and pull my arms from my cut, tossing it on a chair. I fall into my bed and close my eyes, my forearm coming to rest over them. If I'm lucky I can get a few hours of sleep. But every time I start to drift off, thoughts of sad brown eyes fill my head. So, I just lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how I can convince her to give us a chance to start over.

"Hey, man." Hawk's voice is raspy as he steps into the kitchen.

"Morning." I take in his appearance—his fucked up hair, the pillow creases on his face, and his red-rimmed eyes. "Party a little too hard last night?" I ask as I bring my mug to my grinning lips.

"Maybe a little," he mumbles as he reaches for a mug of his own. He turns to me, his eyes meeting mine. "You don't look too hot yourself."

With the dark circles under my eyes, there's no hiding that I had a rough night. "Didn't sleep too well."

He turns and leans his ass against the counter. "Wanna talk about it?"

I huff a humorless laugh. "Not really."

"Did something happen between you and Bella yesterday? You looked like you couldn't get out of there fast enough. And she was in top form after you left. She wouldn't stop snapping at Sam, banging shit around inside the house and raising her voice. I asked her what was wrong, and I honestly feared for my fucking safety."

"Sorry you had to deal with that."

He shrugs. "I only asked her once, but I knew not to press her on it. When Kate gets like that, I know to keep my fucking distance."

I smile, thinking about his feisty old lady. "Still, it wasn't fair to you to have to clean up my mess."

"So, what happened?"

I look up and meet his questioning gaze. "I kissed her. We were arguing and it just kind of ... escalated."

He barks out a rough laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"No wonder she was pissy after you left."

"That's not funny, Hawk."

"No, I'm serious. I have zero doubt she's pissed at herself."

"Why would she be pissed at herself? Shouldn't she be pissed at me?"

He shakes his head, smiling. "Nah. I've known Bella for a long time. If she were pissed off with you for kissing her, you wouldn't have left there yesterday without a slap to the face or a knee to the balls." He opens his mouth again and then snaps it closed. The way he's looking at me—like he wants to say something else but is hesitant—makes me bristle.

"What?"

He smiles and runs a hand through his bed head. "Nothing, man."

"Bullshit. Say what you gotta say, Hawk."

He raises a brow and crosses an arm over his chest. "Okay. After all the bullshit, all the drama of the last ten years, you've got another shot. You should take it, E. I know you both loved Masen. Hell, we all loved him, but he's gone, and he isn't coming back. And I think your brother would want you both to be happy. So, don't let a dead man stand in your way ... or Bella's."

"I don't think I'm the one who needs to be convinced of that."

He slaps a hand to my shoulder as he moves to step past me. "She just needs time. You both do."

Knowing it's probably too soon to see Bella, I arrange for Tracker to take a flatbed over to get the Panhead. His eyes nearly pop out of his head when I hand him the thick envelope with the cash in it.

"You sure about this, E? That feels like a lot of fuckin' money for a bike that's not even road worthy."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Mase sunk a lot of money into that thing, and a lot of time. It's worth every cent in that envelope," I say, pointing at the wad in his hand. Years of protection jobs paid in cash have left me with a sizable stash in the safe in my room. "You just make sure that ends up in Bella's hands."

"You got it, man."

All day I'm distracted—dropping tools, snapping at the guys and customers. Everyone does their best to keep their distance. What's worse is I've managed to hurt myself over and over.

"Damnit!" I hiss, bringing my busted knuckle to my mouth.

"What is with you today?" Mac asks from the next lift over.

"Nothing!" I drop the ratchet to the floor and walk toward the utility sink to wash my hand and see how badly I managed to hurt myself ... again.

"That's the third time today you've tried to take a layer of skin off your hand." He sets down his own tools and walks over to me. "Seriously, bro," he says quietly, "what's wrong? You've been preoccupied all day."

I look up at him as I crouch over the sink. "I said it was nothing."

"Nothing my ass," he mumbles. "Does it have something to do with Bella?"

I turn off the tap and grab a paper towel from the dispenser, turning to face him.

"Hawk told me what happened."

"You two gossiping like old women now?"

"No," he says as he crosses his arms over his chest. "I was worried about you, man. You've been off all day, and I asked him since the two of you were together yesterday."

I scowl in his direction but don't dispute what he's said.

"You wanna tell me about it?"

"Not really."

"Then you better figure it out soon. Otherwise," he says, pointing to my hand, "you're going to do something to mangle your hand, and you won't be able to ride."

"I'll be fine."

He looks at me dubiously but doesn't say any more. I flex my hand to make sure I haven't done more than break the skin, and all seems to be okay. The cable in the lot rings, and I turn to watch Tracker drive the flatbed in, a passenger at his side.

And as he turns the wheel to park, he leans out the window. "Sorry, man," he shouts, making eye contact with me. "She insisted on riding along."

He barely has time to shift into park before the passenger door opens and then slams closed. Tracker's amused grin widens the closer an irate Bella gets to me.

"What the hell is this, Edward Anthony Cullen?"

A/N: Ooohh! She middle named him! Lol. Any ideas on what she's unhappy about? Thoughts on what Caius might do next? What the Outcasts might do next? I'd love to hear what you think.

On a side note, the majority of guest reviews I get are lovely, and I adore and appreciate them. My note last week was more directed at those who feel like they need to review anonymously if they have criticisms. It's all good. I want to hear it all. Signing in gives me a way to contact you if you want to discuss it. I'm not fabulous with replying to reviews these days, but I do make an effort to answer direct questions and concerns.

Remember, you can come chat with me in my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics. I also share teasers and chapter pics there every week. And you can follow me on Twitter at CSunshine1220, and on my blog sited in chapter 1. Thanks so much for reading!

Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.

Lots of love
~Sunshine