Practice

Julian has me consult patients at the clinic now. Though he shadows me on all of them, of course. I am reassured by his presence. He only intervenes when I am completely off the mark, and that isn't frequent. Since I've developed my intuition from a very young age, I think I am able to use it alongside the science that I've learned. Thus, it usually doesn't take me very long to assess a situation and make a diagnosis.

"You're incredible," he states one day after my patient exits the clinic. "I've never seen an apprentice learn so quickly. If you keep learning at this rate, it won't take you long to surpass me." I laugh at his flattery and lean down to pat Brundle on her protruding stomach. I feel like she has gotten more used to me now. Or at least tolerates me, just as she fondly tolerates Julian. She lazily wags her tail in response to the pets.

He has me sit on the opposite side of his desk to write my reports for the morning. I scribble furiously on the parchment before me, but can't help but be distracted by him. He's reading while massaging his shoulder and swinging his head around. I try to focus back on my work before me, but he is relentless. He must have a knot.

"You know," I begin. "I could use some of that 'witchery' of mine to get that out."

He stops and peers at me, his hand frozen on his shoulder. "It's fine, I don't want to bother you while you're working," he responds.

"You're already bothering me right now. Just let me do it."

He looks at me bashfully before grinning. "Alright then, take care of me."

I laugh as I get up. "Well, then. It's time for you to play patient, Doctor," I tease. "I'll need you to undress."

"Oooh, how enticing." He's almost too keen to undo his shirt. "But how very unfair, since I never saw you do the same for me."

He's referencing that Masquerade again. I walked myself straight into this, joking with him so provocatively. I don't know what I thought this would turn into if I stepped onto that path. But I can't back down now.

I pull us back into our warped scenario. "Why would a doctor, like me, undress for my patient? That would mean something else entirely."

I feel him look at me out of the corner of his eye. "Would that be such a bad thing?"

Our relationship has changed since that night at the Rowdy Raven. His teasing has become more relentless. I think he gathers that I remember more than I let on. My ears burn and my eyes fix the floor determinedly. He has to feel the impressive heat coming off of my face. I hear him chuckle as he pulls his shirt over his head and stops moving. I glance up again and see that his torso is completely exposed.

I move around to his back and tentatively place a hand to it. He jumps in surprise.

"Sorry, my hands tend to be cold."

"I like it. It keeps you on your toes." I feel him peer over his shoulder at me. I refuse to meet his stare. He is on a roll today.

I move my hand over to the shoulder that he was massaging. I take a few deep breaths and concentrate, attempting to feel the pain in order to work through it. I feel it, alright. It's like he has a rock here, stuck by energy and stress. It's terribly heavy and condensed. He's carrying too much on his shoulders.

I begin to softly work away at it, loosening it from the inside with my energy while massaging it from the outside with my hands. He watches me intently. "This is the strangest sensation," he admits. "It felt somewhat similar when you healed the cut, but this seems more… potent somehow."

"This is more internal, versus external, so I have to handle it differently." I close my eyes in concentration. "It's a more intricate process." As I continue to work on him, I jump into another subject. "I've been wondering… On the night that we met, you weren't wearing plague attire."

"What an astute observation."

I ignore his interruption. "What I've wanted to know then is… what were you testing for?"

He chuckles. "Impressive. But I'm afraid it's top secret. Only medical officials are allowed to know that information."

I open my eyes. "I'm good at keeping secrets…" I press.

He chuckles. "Are you so sure about that?" I shrug before batting my eyes at him. "I guess you could be considered a part of the medical community now… so I might as well let you in the loop."

We both let out a deep exhale at the same time. We catch each other doing so and laugh. Energy work can be a funny thing. Whoever you allow into your space can be affected by you and can affect you in return.

"Basically, we did want to make sure that no plague victims would try to get in... but that was what the first wave of doctors in the full attire were for. For everyone in the tents, we were compiling data on all the citizens of Vesuvia, hoping that we could use it if and/or when the patients got sick with the plague, to see if there were indicative patterns."

"Wow," I say. "That's… deceptive."

He gives a dark laugh. "I knew you would be off-put by it. But desperate times…"

I guess that's true. Having more information on it could never be a bad thing. It could eventually lead to prevention of, or treatments for, the Red Plague.

I reach the core of the knot in his shoulder. I can feel how hard and compressed it is. I close my eyes again. "This will probably hurt a little bit." I exhale forcefully and firmly push my fingers down into him. I hear him wince as I do so. I visualise my magic unraveling it from the inside, while loosening it with my fingers from the outside. Finally, I feel a pop of power as it releases. The energy flows freely in his body now ; no more blockages.

I leave my hands on his shoulder for a moment, breathing deeply to recenter myself. When I open my eyes, I see him smile at me, appearing incredibly refreshed. He almost looks like he's finally had a good night's sleep. That's a rather unexpected side effect, but I am glad to know that I was able to revitalize him. I smile back and begin to remove my hands when he grabs onto one and pulls me around to his side, swiveling his chair to face me. He holds my hand in both of his and brings it up to his chest, placing it right over his heart.

"Thank you, Kealla."

I am struck by his sincerity, and the vulnerability I feel from it makes me avert my gaze. "It's not a problem." I tentatively raise my eyes to meet his again. "It's the least I can do for all the help you've given me."

"Me, help you? What a ridiculous notion. It pales in comparison to everything you've done for me."

He slowly releases my hand and I drop it to my side. I miss his touch already. That was… surprisingly intimate. Without wanting to admit it to myself, I sense I crave more.

He stands and stretches. "I feel like a new man." He places his shirt back on and does it up again. I move back to my spot on the other side of the desk to finish my reports. Finally dressed, he turns to me. "I hope you aren't feeling too drained from that. There is much I want you to do today." I look at him inquisitively. "I have decided to take you with me on my rounds to visit plague patients."

I almost can't believe my ears and gape at him for a moment. "Really?" I didn't expect that today. "I don't have a uniform, though."

"Ah, not to worry, I requested one from the palace in your size." He walks over to the wardrobe and pulls out a suit and boots. They definitely aren't his, considering their smaller size. He brings them over to me and I inspect them. They should fit perfectly. How could he tell?

I look up from the gear to him. This is the whole reason I joined Julian at this clinic in the first place, so I knew this day was coming. Knowing that the moment is finally here… I am not quite sure how to react. All I know is that I feel apprehensive.

I sigh, closing my eyes. When I open them again, I nod toward him, resolute. "I'm ready."

He helps me dress in the full attire and carefully places the mask on my face. The floral scent from the beak overwhelms my senses momentarily. He scrutinizes me. "You look like a proper plague doctor."

I laugh. "I am a plague doctor in appearance only. I still have much to learn."

"All in good time."

We step out of the clinic and I follow him through the streets. He gives me a run-down of what to expect from the consultations from beginning to end. We stop in front of a small house and Julian knocks. A man with weary eyes answers before leading us inside.

We are led to a room in the back, where a figure lays in the dark. Their raucous cough breaks through the silence and makes my skin crawl. I hate that sound… so hollow, and haunting.

The man stands just outside of the room. "She can barely get up to take the food and drink that I leave for her anymore." His sorrow is overwhelming. I can't imagine the grief he is going through.

"I am sorry my dear, but I am going to have to put on some light to see you in here." Julian states it to the figure, lighting a lantern and handing it over to me. He indicates that I follow him to the bed. He sits on the edge and gently coaxes her to turn around and face him. She does, and shakily manages to pull herself into a sitting position. At the sight of her face, I feel my heart drop into my stomach. She's young. Easily early teens. And she reminds me of someone.

It can't be. The resemblance is uncanny.

I feel like I am suffocating. I need to get out of this sick room, and out from under this stifling gear. I place the lantern on the side table and walk out, passing the man by the doorway.

I exit the house and round the corner, ripping off my mask and crouching to catch my breath. After a moment, I hear the door from the house open and close. Heeled boots click over to me. I peer up into Julian's mask.

"That's her kid, isn't it? The market woman."

He slowly removes the beak so I can see his whole face. "I wondered if you would realize it."

Those questions I had on that day have been answered, then. She surely didn't die alone, but it appears that it won't be long for her next of kin to follow her.

"Why did you bring me here?" My words echo in my ears.

He studies me for a long, trying moment. "I needed to test your resolve." I close my eyes and continue breathing deeply, feeling like I am unable to get enough air into my lungs. "I needed to see if you could handle the devastation that this job will make you confront on a daily basis."

We sit in silence for a moment as I gather myself. I stand up suddenly. "I can handle it."

I came this far, I am not losing my nerve now. I determinedly fix my mask back on. He nods and places his before we step back inside.

The rest of the examination goes on without a hitch. At the end of it, Julian gives her a tincture to soothe her coughing before standing up. He clears his throat. "I would recommend leaving for the Lazaret."

I feel a stab to the heart. I don't know how he managed to make that grave "recommendation". We all know what it means.

The man starts bawling. Under his breath he whispers no repeatedly. The girl peers at Julian with her scarlet eyes before shakily pulling herself to her feet. "It's okay, Dad. It's time."

We move out of the house as the man begs her to stay. When we are outside, he goes to hold her. As a reflex, I throw my arm out to prevent him from approaching. He stops himself, regathering his senses. She turns back to him. "I can't stay and get you sick, too," she rasps. Tears pool in the bottoms of her eyes. They both stand immobile, taking in each other for the last time. Finally, she turns and walks away. We follow her.

I take one final glance at the man left behind. He has sunken to the floor and is heaving, wrought with grief. I divert my gaze and continue after the others. Julian speaks to her in low, soothing tones as we make our way to the docks. He fills her in on what to expect when she arrives. She doesn't respond to him.

The sea is finally visible ahead, as well as the ferry, waiting to take its new victims to the somber island beyond. We stop at the edge of the pier while she steps onto the wooden planks and joins the line of the sick before her. Our eyes follow her as she moves away. She doesn't look back.

"What would have happened had she not decided to come with us?" Unable to contain it, the question falls from me as my eyes fix the back of her head.

"I could have reported it, which would have provoked a military escort." I clench my teeth at that violent imagery. "But I have yet to see a doctor follow through with that." He turns to me now, slowly meeting my gaze through his mask. "We prefer to allow our patients to go as they please." He sighs sadly. "As reckless as it may seem, none of us have the heart to follow that part of the protocol."

I nod solemnly before we move away. We have other patients waiting for us.

I observe two more appointments before I take over. Most are in the very early stages of the infection. My last patient isn't far from the end, though. This time, I am the one to make the damning "suggestion". They live alone. No one is there to give them a tearful goodbye.

Once we see them off, we turn away and walk back to the clinic in silence. It's late again. We had a long and taxing day.

Inside, we remove all of our gear and Julian goes over the steps to properly sanitize it. Once that is done and everything is left out to dry, I lay down on the floor beside Brundle, absentmindedly petting her. He leaves me there as he fills out paperwork in his office.

When he steps out and still finds me lying on the floor, he speaks. "Come, I have some medicine for that heartache."

He leads me into the dining area and places two glasses on the table. He locates a bottle of whiskey in the cabinet and generously pours into both before placing it to the side.

I hate whiskey. I grab the glass and throw the whole thing back, swallowing it in one go. It seems to momentarily heat the ice I feel devour my entire body.

He looks at me pensively. "This is best consumed slowly."

I plop down the empty glass as I settle into the chair across from him. "I want to feel the effects right away."

We don't speak for a while. He continues to observe me over his glass. I avoid his gaze and soberly watch my hand as I trace swirls into the tabletop, supporting my head with my elbow and my free hand.

"You did a fantastic job today" he finally says, breaking the silence. I shrug. He reflects for a moment before continuing. "But what I would like to know is... are you sure about pursuing this? Nothing is forcing you to."

I look up at him. "Would you be able to stop?" I ask.

He looks back, subdued. "No."

"There's your answer, then."

We are both more similar than it may appear. We're too far into the game to forfeit now. Win or lose, we have to see it through to the end. He starts to rub his shoulder again and lets out a deep, somber sigh. He grabs the whiskey bottle from next to us and pours more into my glass before topping himself off.

The minutes inch by, both of us in our own worlds while we sit together in this one. I feel my vision blur and my mind become sluggish as the alcohol seeps into all corners of my body.

He stands, "I'm taking you home."

"No," I say resolutely. "I can't be alone with this day."

I look him firmly in the eyes. When he doesn't protest what I stated or its implication, I slowly teeter to my feet and move into the room, dropping onto the bed. He follows me and pulls out extra blankets from the wardrobe.

"Don't sleep on the floor." I say it softly.

He locks eyes with me again, unsure of how he should interpret my request. I roll myself into the corner to allow enough space for his long form. Slowly, he puts the blankets back. He timidly slips into the bed while not breaking eye contact, constantly verifying that this is what I am suggesting. When I don't object, I see him ease a little. As he sinks into his pillow, an auburn lock falls in front of one of his eyes, covering it from view. Unwilling to stop myself in this state, I reach out and gently brush his hair back, seeing both of his soft grey irises once more.

"Good," I state, pulling my hand away. I turn from him before the whisky fully takes hold of me, plunging me into a heavy and dreamless sleep.